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Getting a grip
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s not practical to be happy and fun all the time. Yes, it’s great to have fun, and to be positive, but it’s not ok if it’s being forced.
People are allowed to bring their emotions, ask for support, say they are struggling. |
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My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s called ‘confirmation bias’.
If you think it will all turn out fine then it does and the opposite is also true of course.
Or is it? "
Confirmation bias refers to the action to only seek for information that will go hand in hand with what you are saying, to confirm it.
I think you were referring to hacing a positive outlook of things |
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"Come on its suppose to be fun
Negativity in every turn
"
Can't help noticing that your status update is fairly negative op.
I'm being a little facetious. But being facetious is 'fun'
The problem I have with the word fun is that it's such a non-specific slightly vacuous term.
A group of thugs could kick someone's head in for a bit of 'fun' Similarly, sexual harassment could be passed off as a bit of 'fun' (and regularly is)
I think that life is multi-faceted and that richness is valuable - the ups and the downs.
To parcel it all up as 'fun' would be to do it a disservice.
I imagine childbirth isn't fun and that is life itself isn't it?
Orgasms... and sex.. again fun is not really what I am looking for... connection... transcendence etc yes - Fun? Not so much.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s not practical to be happy and fun all the time. Yes, it’s great to have fun, and to be positive, but it’s not ok if it’s being forced.
People are allowed to bring their emotions, ask for support, say they are struggling. "
Genuine problems like those ain't negativity and I was in no way referring to a person's struggles or there emotions  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Come on its suppose to be fun
Negativity in every turn
Can't help noticing that your status update is fairly negative op.
I'm being a little facetious. But being facetious is 'fun'
The problem I have with the word fun is that it's such a non-specific slightly vacuous term.
A group of thugs could kick someone's head in for a bit of 'fun' Similarly, sexual harassment could be passed off as a bit of 'fun' (and regularly is)
I think that life is multi-faceted and that richness is valuable - the ups and the downs.
To parcel it all up as 'fun' would be to do it a disservice.
I imagine childbirth isn't fun and that is life itself isn't it?
Orgasms... and sex.. again fun is not really what I am looking for... connection... transcendence etc yes - Fun? Not so much.
"
Big words don't impress me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread."
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!  |
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it! "
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it! "
Oh wow!  how an earth can you tell someone else how they or were feeling? It doesn't matter how old they are! That attitude is disgusting. |
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it! "
Why do you say you have to be at least a teenager to be crying over something? My cousin died in a hit and run when I was 8. But I was too young to cry over that apparently?  |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"Come on its suppose to be fun
Negativity in every turn
Can't help noticing that your status update is fairly negative op.
I'm being a little facetious. But being facetious is 'fun'
The problem I have with the word fun is that it's such a non-specific slightly vacuous term.
A group of thugs could kick someone's head in for a bit of 'fun' Similarly, sexual harassment could be passed off as a bit of 'fun' (and regularly is)
I think that life is multi-faceted and that richness is valuable - the ups and the downs.
To parcel it all up as 'fun' would be to do it a disservice.
I imagine childbirth isn't fun and that is life itself isn't it?
Orgasms... and sex.. again fun is not really what I am looking for... connection... transcendence etc yes - Fun? Not so much.
Big words don't impress me "
^^ That's kind of a negative response there OP  |
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By *adyBugsWoman
over a year ago
cognito |
"Come on its suppose to be fun
Negativity in every turn
Can't help noticing that your status update is fairly negative op.
I'm being a little facetious. But being facetious is 'fun'
The problem I have with the word fun is that it's such a non-specific slightly vacuous term.
A group of thugs could kick someone's head in for a bit of 'fun' Similarly, sexual harassment could be passed off as a bit of 'fun' (and regularly is)
I think that life is multi-faceted and that richness is valuable - the ups and the downs.
To parcel it all up as 'fun' would be to do it a disservice.
I imagine childbirth isn't fun and that is life itself isn't it?
Orgasms... and sex.. again fun is not really what I am looking for... connection... transcendence etc yes - Fun? Not so much.
Big words don't impress me
^^ That's kind of a negative response there OP "
But he used a smile emoji so doesn’t that make it positive? |
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it! "
How dare you negate someone else's experience and feelings!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What id really like to know is if folk posting are this argumentative during a meet ? "
You can try and make a joke of it, or you could really read what people have written and think about it.
Everyone’s feelings are valid, whether you think they are or not.
Dismissing people as you have is hurtful and harmful.
No one is being argumentative. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"What id really like to know is if folk posting are this argumentative during a meet ?
You can try and make a joke of it, or you could really read what people have written and think about it.
Everyone’s feelings are valid, whether you think they are or not.
Dismissing people as you have is hurtful and harmful.
No one is being argumentative. "
You mean as your doing now ?
Im not dismissing anyone's feelings
If anyone's struggling, genuinely struggling like I know lots and lots of people do then my inbox is always always open |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is. "
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal. "
That was your mother and your experience. That doesn't mean that everyone else had the same experience just because similar words were used.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
That was your mother and your experience. That doesn't mean that everyone else had the same experience just because similar words were used. "
Absolutely correct. But a child has no true concept of emotion. It’s either the ‘bestest day ever’ or ‘the worlds ending’ and 5 mins later you’re outside playing skip rope! Parents wouldn’t use that line for every tear... just when you’re being melodramatic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Why do you say you have to be at least a teenager to be crying over something? My cousin died in a hit and run when I was 8. But I was too young to cry over that apparently? "
Who said you were too young to cry? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Love to see how much fun you have when almost everything that defines your life is ripped away from you into the pits of hell in a blur of deaths and destruction its ok life is meant to be fun that guy said so best smile then thanks for the cure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Love to see how much fun you have when almost everything that defines your life is ripped away from you into the pits of hell in a blur of deaths and destruction its ok life is meant to be fun that guy said so best smile then thanks for the cure"
When did talk of death, destruction and life being ripped away get added to a child strop? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
That was your mother and your experience. That doesn't mean that everyone else had the same experience just because similar words were used.
Absolutely correct. But a child has no true concept of emotion. It’s either the ‘bestest day ever’ or ‘the worlds ending’ and 5 mins later you’re outside playing skip rope! Parents wouldn’t use that line for every tear... just when you’re being melodramatic "
A child has no true concept of emotion? I could tear that entire paragraph to shreds but clearly you aren't willing to listen or understand so I'd just be wasting my time. Maybe go and read a book on child development |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
As much as people might want to surround themselves with positive energy, this thread smacks a little of ‘I think you should be happy and that’s more important than what anyone else is feeling’. That’s not positive, that’s dismissive
|
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal. "
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As much as people might want to surround themselves with positive energy, this thread smacks a little of ‘I think you should be happy and that’s more important than what anyone else is feeling’. That’s not positive, that’s dismissive
"
If a female forumite had posted the thread it would have been full of hugs and glitter. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"As much as people might want to surround themselves with positive energy, this thread smacks a little of ‘I think you should be happy and that’s more important than what anyone else is feeling’. That’s not positive, that’s dismissive
If a female forumite had posted the thread it would have been full of hugs and glitter."
Maybe.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As much as people might want to surround themselves with positive energy, this thread smacks a little of ‘I think you should be happy and that’s more important than what anyone else is feeling’. That’s not positive, that’s dismissive
If a female forumite had posted the thread it would have been full of hugs and glitter."
Depends if the comments further down had been the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue."
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?"
Why do you feel it necessary to use ‘but’ to try to justify your post that was wrong?
You were wrong in your statement and in no way was it the other posters fault. Just admit that you posted in error rather than trying to make out that it was other people’s fault that you knee jerked your dismissal
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?"
You told me to "behave" because I said telling people to get a grip was wrong.
I explained why it triggered me, I shall expand on that. Yesterday I was really fucking close to breaking point. At the weekend I lost my 3rd friend in 4 months (to death, not carelessness) the shock was passing and the reality hit me hard. My emotions were running high as you'd expect and yeah, I probably should have put my phone down and done something else. I just know that I won't be the only person who's really struggling and get a grip only serves to belittle.
I'm not looking for sympathy or whatnot, just explaining. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?"
There is no time limit on emotions you know.
Trauma can be buried and cause after effects for a lifetime.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
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"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?
There is no time limit on emotions you know.
Trauma can be buried and cause after effects for a lifetime.
"
Which I'm trying really hard to unpick and heal from. Long fucking process that hurts like fuck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?
There is no time limit on emotions you know.
Trauma can be buried and cause after effects for a lifetime.
Which I'm trying really hard to unpick and heal from. Long fucking process that hurts like fuck "
The fact that you are doing the work is awesome in itself. I hear you, it’s fucking tough  . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"My mum was one of those people who would tell you to "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about"
She would do that without even asking why I was upset. Who the fuck did she think she was choosing for me what I was allowed to feel?
From a young age I learned that I had to hide my sadness, so that would be crying under my bed so I didn't get caught being sad in case I got given that "something to cry about"
I'm 43 years old now, I'm not that kid anymore. My feelings are valid as are other peoples. If you wanna start a positivity thread, that's cool....But do it by sending positive vibes instead of telling people to get a grip. They could already be hanging on by a thread.
Behave, unless you were in your teens (in which case you may almost have a point and mummy WAS mean) the chances are you were crying for something massively over-exaggerated so her comment was warranted! May just be a northern thing but wehad that said you me all the time! Never stopped us and we were never actually cracked for it!
Don't dare tell me anything about my upbringing and don't dare dismiss my feelings as invalid. You're just as fucking bad as she is.
I’m not telling you anything. I was given the same line by my mother countless times. Never received the ‘something to cry for’ - it’s a mums way of say stop being a brat and you’re crying for something silly. I remember the world ending when I was a kid because I had to have toast, not cereal.
How about having a broken arm for 2 weeks before I was taken to a doctor?
How about being not being allowed to leave the dining table without permission, my mum was in the kitchen talking to my nan and under no circumstances could you interrupt adults when they were talking. EVER. Needing a shit real bad but sitting in a different room to where the adults were and all I could do was sit there with my hand up hoping to get noticed. I didn't get noticed. I shat my own knickers at the dinner table because it seemed the safer option. That humiliation and fear of rule breaking worth crying over?
How about when you say "I wish I was never born" because you're so fucking stressed and angry and everything seems so unfair and your mother responds with "you're not the only one". That worth crying over?
I'm so chuffed for you that cereal was your biggest issue.
All the above is disgusting and nobody should ever have to go through it and for that I’m sorry you had to live like that.
But your initial message was sent with such anger and without anything other than hatred for something that happened many many years ago.
The fact that the initial message was still so heated after all this time is the biggest issue here because it really should and could have just been a normal message for us all to discuss surely? Isn’t that the point of threading?
There is no time limit on emotions you know.
Trauma can be buried and cause after effects for a lifetime.
"
They do |
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