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Helpful Post Lockdown Inventions
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I think it's important that we come out of lockdown experiencing as little stress as possible.
No one will do this for us so we need to do this for ourselves.
I have JUST invented The F.A.T.S.O or Fuck All The Studies on Obesity.
F.A.T.S.O is a weighing scale with a difference...... F.A.T.S.O starts reading your weight at -2 ! That's right! -2!
So if you've been a lazy , doughnut guzzling bastard and had a wake up call as Boris re-opened the country.
Worry not....... just send £49.99. That's right ! Less that £50. to Granny@ F.A.T.S.O instant weight loss scales.
Lie to yourself with confidence !
Special -3stone starter scales only £10.00 extra.
Don't delay. Order today. Granny wants a holiday.
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"I need free stickers included in the deal. Each time I lie to my self confidence I want a sticker for it.
Or a reward chart. That might swing it. "
We do both. Reward stickers come free of charge with a matching reward chart..... There are two identical pictures on the chart that show how you will look BEFORE you start using the scales and how you look immediately AFTER using the scales.
Happy Weighing!!! |
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"Do you do ones with + 3? "
You have come to the right place D.D.
+3 scales are presently under production but fear not we can send a fully trained scale engineer to adjust the set you already have at home for the very low cost of £29.99 + £49.99 anywhere travel charge + £40.00 per hour labour charge for the first hour + £40 per part hour after the first. WE also offer a yearly check up and emergency call out for just £20 per month or £200 per year. That's a £40 per year discount. A saving of £40.00.
Before we call ...... you do have one of those little dially things on your scale don't you sir ? |
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"Do you do ones with + 3?
You have come to the right place D.D.
+3 scales are presently under production but fear not we can send a fully trained scale engineer to adjust the set you already have at home for the very low cost of £29.99 + £49.99 anywhere travel charge + £40.00 per hour labour charge for the first hour + £40 per part hour after the first. WE also offer a yearly check up and emergency call out for just £20 per month or £200 per year. That's a £40 per year discount. A saving of £40.00.
Before we call ...... you do have one of those little dially things on your scale don't you sir ?"
I don’t own any scales as I had one of those digital ones and it just came up with “ERR” when I stepped on it. Could you please provide me with scales as well (do you have leopard print design ones?) |
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"It's your lucky day. The leopard ones have gold trim and are in for delivery today ! @ just £99.99 or we can deliver tomorrow @ just £98.99.... a saving of 100 yes 100 ..... "
Sign me up!
My address is:
Behind the little door you see in the bottom of lamp posts,
Lamp Post outside number 6
Cream Tea Avenue
Turnip Town
Devon |
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I've got an improvement on the stealth invisibility cloaks. The cloaks allow your less important parts to become invisible, whilst enhancing those gorgeous parts of yours that deserve to be shown at their best. There are formal, casual, fitness, muscle n cock, tits n arse versions that are almost sold out. Cash only £999.99. Yes, not even £1000!  . They are £10,000 full price but you get all versions for use by you and any partners you want to look at their best, for £6,969, with the daily beauty facility fee of just £10. Remember, that's about the same as you used to pay for coffees, donuts etc, just for breakfast. The backordered versions support you wearing any clothing of your dreams but are strictly limited to the first few who buy and pay their 10 years subscriptions in full today. RRP and actual prices subject to whim and may rise. Be your best self. |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"I’m not sure I should sign up for the F A T S O
Last time you had a product I sent off £499 for your ‘How To Stop Being Gullible’ book and it still hasn’t arrived yet "
Please send a further £80 along with passport to guarantee its' arrival |
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