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No sex please, we’re British!
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I know that this site is something of an aberration and it’s a different mindset from those shared by others, but is sex still a taboo subject in Britain?
Are we as a nation still repressed sexually and is that a good or bad thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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People are undoubtedly more open about sex than they were, but I still don't think we're there yet
I think obvious outrage has been replaced with idle gossip and piss taking |
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"That was stereotypical myth created by other Europe countries. "
You think that until you go to Greece or Italy and see how much more sexual everyone is.
There’s a reason women have a lot of love for the “sexually aggressive” men of Italy |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"People are undoubtedly more open about sex than they were, but I still don't think we're there yet
I think obvious outrage has been replaced with idle gossip and piss taking "
I’d say that the idle gossip and piss taking is a sign that it’s still ‘taboo’, it just takes a different form |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Are we as a nation still repressed sexually and is that a good or bad thing? "
I spoke to a German lady from here once who’s stated that we are colectively as a country very shy about sex. I think she is right.
We hide porn, and that’s just looking at it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a very openly sexual person but none of my friends outside of fab are... They all think I'm the kinkiest person they know, which I guess I am but I'm vanilla compared to many on fab. So yeah I think a lot of British people are sexually very shy. |
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Spent a few years in Germany on service and the sex shops are very open there, not like the UK where they are hugely discreet. Don't get it wrong, they don't have huge advertisement boards and open windows for all to see cos there are kids out doing kids stuff so that's massively inappropriate but the inside is well lit, very much tailored to displays and nothing is hidden behind other doors.
Its not a culture of "fucking and sucking" in pubs and dark corners cos thats just fantasy porn stuff but people DO openly engage in conversation about sex and fantasy without the embarrassment of it that some of us in the uk do.
I imagine even the corners of Germany, Italy, Sweden and Denmark who's fame for being wildly sexually open have the pockets of people who find sex rather embarrassing and prefer not to speak of it.
Everyone has their own views I guess. Just some are a little more open than others. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People are undoubtedly more open about sex than they were, but I still don't think we're there yet
I think obvious outrage has been replaced with idle gossip and piss taking
I’d say that the idle gossip and piss taking is a sign that it’s still ‘taboo’, it just takes a different form"
I would say some things are still taboo, but not all
Talking about sex between one man and one woman is accepted quite normally; however, throw a strap on into the conversation... |
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"Spent a few years in Germany on service and the sex shops are very open there, not like the UK where they are hugely discreet. Don't get it wrong, they don't have huge advertisement boards and open windows for all to see cos there are kids out doing kids stuff so that's massively inappropriate but the inside is well lit, very much tailored to displays and nothing is hidden behind other doors.
Its not a culture of "fucking and sucking" in pubs and dark corners cos thats just fantasy porn stuff but people DO openly engage in conversation about sex and fantasy without the embarrassment of it that some of us in the uk do.
I imagine even the corners of Germany, Italy, Sweden and Denmark who's fame for being wildly sexually open have the pockets of people who find sex rather embarrassing and prefer not to speak of it.
Everyone has their own views I guess. Just some are a little more open than others. "
Germany is an interesting one because if you look through out history you’ll see that times demanding strict order and conformity normally lead to times of extreme experimentation and openness.
That’s one of the reasons believed for the popularity of extreme sex/porn kinks/genres in Germany.
Maybe England is due up for through that change one day |
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I think we're more reserved with regards nudity. Even in an art gallery you'll get someone sniggering at the nudity. It's all a bit carry on.
But then again out on a city main Street on a Saturday night I wouldn't say we were reserved. When I was at uni the European students would take their mates to the city main club street to show how different we are compared to them.
I think it's a complex thing in this country.
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By *orthern StarsCouple
over a year ago
Durham, North Yorkshire and can travel |
A couple of my vanilla friends actually said to me that they think I'm a nymphomaniac. No, I just enjoy sex, which is one of the most natural acts in the world.
Too many people are still shy and narrow minded about sex and sexuality. It is changing but very, very slowly.
Mrs |
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I think we are more sexually repressed than several non-Catholic European countries but we're doing better than when I was a teen and young adult.
But we still don't openly discuss sex. I mean my social group often does, and the looks we get in pubs when one person says something like "we got the idea for our first novel during an orgy in a chateau in France" are priceless. |
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"How should we go about being more open about sex?"
Great question.
Is it not about being more open minded, less judgemental. More understanding and less guilt.
Say "yes" more often.?
Respect our bodies and understand them a lot more?
Do things just for the hell of doing things...
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"A couple of my vanilla friends actually said to me that they think I'm a nymphomaniac. No, I just enjoy sex, which is one of the most natural acts in the world.
Too many people are still shy and narrow minded about sex and sexuality. It is changing but very, very slowly.
Mrs"
Definitely slowly. I don't think our generation will be around to see the UK loosen it's stiff upper lip style grip on sex and sexual experimentation as a talking point.
It certainly happens in the bedroom cos thats all a natural part of adult life but the opening of doors as a nation to embrace rather than judge isn't going to be anytime soon.
Our community right here is a prime example.
You couldn't openly tell vanilla friends (there... Even I'VE just done it with the term "vanilla") that your part of a swingers community without some kind of reaction of shock, embarrassment or discomfort. I do believe that the UK will eventually join its European neighbours with the openess to it. But not quite yet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That was stereotypical myth created by other Europe countries.
Sexit.
That was way faster than ‘Warren have I done to deserve this!’ "
You know what it's like. |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex "
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix. |
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"25 years ago if I'd held hands with my girlfriend in public in my town we would have been beaten up.
Things are changing. "
Yes!! And THIS is a perfect example right here.
Men/women being seen as an equal on sexual preference to relationship. The shock factor is definitely still there with this but the fact people are (pardon the crudenessand and no offence meant) now tollorating same sex relationships is a huge step forward.
I'm not sure Gay Pride and the LGBT movement have done any favours though as it seems to have "pushed" same sex relationships into the public eye rather than introduced it to views.
But the fact that people are less shocked at affection in public is only a good thing. |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix. "
Surely the make love not war psychedelic 70's banished the stiff upper lip look at how many swingers parties there used to be |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix.
Surely the make love not war psychedelic 70's banished the stiff upper lip look at how many swingers parties there used to be"
That wasn't the case in rural areas. My mother was married at 17 because she was pregnant with me in the late 70's. Cities may have been a different story though. |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix. "
When is multicultural Britain dated at? Bloody hell we've been a heinz 57 varieties since the angles the celts the saxons the picts... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"25 years ago if I'd held hands with my girlfriend in public in my town we would have been beaten up.
Things are changing.
Yes!! And THIS is a perfect example right here.
Men/women being seen as an equal on sexual preference to relationship. The shock factor is definitely still there with this but the fact people are (pardon the crudenessand and no offence meant) now tollorating same sex relationships is a huge step forward.
I'm not sure Gay Pride and the LGBT movement have done any favours though as it seems to have "pushed" same sex relationships into the public eye rather than introduced it to views.
But the fact that people are less shocked at affection in public is only a good thing. "
I remember the outcry over the Brookside lesbian kiss. Now every soap has to have at least 100 gay characters.
 |
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"Think sometimes we get caught up in the moral aspects attached to what's basically just an enjoyable physical activity. "
Yes, this resonates with me! Some people like playing golf. I like having sex 
Mrs kf x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think sometimes we get caught up in the moral aspects attached to what's basically just an enjoyable physical activity.
Yes, this resonates with me! Some people like playing golf. I like having sex
Mrs kf x"
I’d say liking golf is far weirder. |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix.
When is multicultural Britain dated at? Bloody hell we've been a heinz 57 varieties since the angles the celts the saxons the picts... "
I am fully aware that very few, if any, of us are "pure Anglo-Saxon". We're all a mix, as you say.
The post I was replying to was suggesting that the British reluctance to talk about sex was related to the relatively recent phenomenon of "multiculturalism" which is taken as meaning the last four decades or so. Our recent attitude has shifted from expecting ethnic minority communities to fully assimilate, to embracing multiple belief systems, ways of life, outlooks and so on.
And my argument is that the British being less open than some of our close neighbours when it comes to sex pre-dates this. Our attitude to sex is more connected to Victorian values, the belief put about during those times that women don't really enjoy sex and might not even have orgasms...that we don't talk about such things....pretend your marriage is happy and anything other than missionary with the lights on is taboo. That attitude does not come from any group of people who have come to live here from abroad, it's our very own Victorian and Puritanical way of life which still somewhat pervades our mainstream culture. |
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"Think sometimes we get caught up in the moral aspects attached to what's basically just an enjoyable physical activity.
Yes, this resonates with me! Some people like playing golf. I like having sex
Mrs kf x
I’d say liking golf is far weirder. "
Yeah, what the chuff is that about? #golfshaming |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The way my ex husband and his family are then yes, still repressed.
Many still look at a woman who enjoys lots of sex as "loose" "lacking morals" "not housewife msterial" and many other terms.
Take a peak at the ladbible comments about women sometimes who flash a little flesh and you will see what people think.
I surround myself with other sexually liberated adults but it doesnt take long to find the prudes in the uk |
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"Its the multi culultural nation we have, look at how many different communities are against discussing sex
It predates multicultural Britain.
It's more to do with the stuff upper lip and Victorian values with a bit of puritanism in the mix.
When is multicultural Britain dated at? Bloody hell we've been a heinz 57 varieties since the angles the celts the saxons the picts...
I am fully aware that very few, if any, of us are "pure Anglo-Saxon". We're all a mix, as you say.
The post I was replying to was suggesting that the British reluctance to talk about sex was related to the relatively recent phenomenon of "multiculturalism" which is taken as meaning the last four decades or so. Our recent attitude has shifted from expecting ethnic minority communities to fully assimilate, to embracing multiple belief systems, ways of life, outlooks and so on.
And my argument is that the British being less open than some of our close neighbours when it comes to sex pre-dates this. Our attitude to sex is more connected to Victorian values, the belief put about during those times that women don't really enjoy sex and might not even have orgasms...that we don't talk about such things....pretend your marriage is happy and anything other than missionary with the lights on is taboo. That attitude does not come from any group of people who have come to live here from abroad, it's our very own Victorian and Puritanical way of life which still somewhat pervades our mainstream culture. "
Great point well made. I think as well there's a danger to assume that this site or community outside of this site is normal and anyone who doesn't embrace this openness is on the outside looking in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"25 years ago if I'd held hands with my girlfriend in public in my town we would have been beaten up.
Things are changing.
Yes!! And THIS is a perfect example right here.
Men/women being seen as an equal on sexual preference to relationship. The shock factor is definitely still there with this but the fact people are (pardon the crudenessand and no offence meant) now tollorating same sex relationships is a huge step forward.
I'm not sure Gay Pride and the LGBT movement have done any favours though as it seems to have "pushed" same sex relationships into the public eye rather than introduced it to views.
But the fact that people are less shocked at affection in public is only a good thing. "
"Some" people. Unfortunately homophobia is still a thing. Maybe not as big as a thing but it does still exsist  |
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"The way my ex husband and his family are then yes, still repressed.
Many still look at a woman who enjoys lots of sex as "loose" "lacking morals" "not housewife msterial" and many other terms.
Take a peak at the ladbible comments about women sometimes who flash a little flesh and you will see what people think.
I surround myself with other sexually liberated adults but it doesnt take long to find the prudes in the uk"
We are still affected by the Madonna/whore dichotomy and associated assumptions that one is good and the other not.
Culturally it's still great for a man to be a stud. It's cool. But a sexually liberated woman who actively enjoys sex? She gets labelled a slut - and not in a good way. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"25 years ago if I'd held hands with my girlfriend in public in my town we would have been beaten up.
Things are changing.
Yes!! And THIS is a perfect example right here.
Men/women being seen as an equal on sexual preference to relationship. The shock factor is definitely still there with this but the fact people are (pardon the crudenessand and no offence meant) now tollorating same sex relationships is a huge step forward.
I'm not sure Gay Pride and the LGBT movement have done any favours though as it seems to have "pushed" same sex relationships into the public eye rather than introduced it to views.
But the fact that people are less shocked at affection in public is only a good thing.
"Some" people. Unfortunately homophobia is still a thing. Maybe not as big as a thing but it does still exsist "
Homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, bigotry and stigma, all still very prevalent in this site, let alone in society as a whole.
This is getting off topic though! |
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"I know that this site is something of an aberration and it’s a different mindset from those shared by others, but is sex still a taboo subject in Britain?
Are we as a nation still repressed sexually and is that a good or bad thing? "
Yes we're repressed sexually as a nation. We're also intolerant of anything deemed outside of 'normal', which is a pretty narrow band imho. |
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By *ljamMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
It's an interesting issue, but largely driven by your definition of repressed.
As a society we're certainly more open about sex and sexuality in the mainstream, but that is not absolute and moral outrage and uneven standards across the spectrums of gender and sexuality are still common. |
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"It's an interesting issue, but largely driven by your definition of repressed.
As a society we're certainly more open about sex and sexuality in the mainstream, but that is not absolute and moral outrage and uneven standards across the spectrums of gender and sexuality are still common. "
I don't know that just because everyone has access to it 24*7 and it's woven into most mainstream TV and media that means we are any more open minded. A diet of fish and chips 24*7 doesn't make us all chefs. |
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By *ljamMan
over a year ago
Edinburgh |
"It's an interesting issue, but largely driven by your definition of repressed.
As a society we're certainly more open about sex and sexuality in the mainstream, but that is not absolute and moral outrage and uneven standards across the spectrums of gender and sexuality are still common.
I don't know that just because everyone has access to it 24*7 and it's woven into most mainstream TV and media that means we are any more open minded. A diet of fish and chips 24*7 doesn't make us all chefs. "
I didn't say open minded (although I do think there is a relationship there), but our mainstream society and culture are undoubtedly more open about sex... not sure I get your analogy though. A diet of fish and chips 24*7 won't make us all chefs, but it will show that fish and chips are pretty damn mainstream...
The extent to which repression has been lifted? As I suggested we still have a long way to go. It's interesting when you look at the very idea of repression. It has some devastatingly negative consequences, but then is a little repression a good thing? Should some urges be repressed? If you believe your Hobbes then maybe the answer is yes. I was never convinced myself, Leviathan is a depressingly pessimistic read. |
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"It's an interesting issue, but largely driven by your definition of repressed.
As a society we're certainly more open about sex and sexuality in the mainstream, but that is not absolute and moral outrage and uneven standards across the spectrums of gender and sexuality are still common.
I don't know that just because everyone has access to it 24*7 and it's woven into most mainstream TV and media that means we are any more open minded. A diet of fish and chips 24*7 doesn't make us all chefs.
I didn't say open minded (although I do think there is a relationship there), but our mainstream society and culture are undoubtedly more open about sex... not sure I get your analogy though. A diet of fish and chips 24*7 won't make us all chefs, but it will show that fish and chips are pretty damn mainstream...
The extent to which repression has been lifted? As I suggested we still have a long way to go. It's interesting when you look at the very idea of repression. It has some devastatingly negative consequences, but then is a little repression a good thing? Should some urges be repressed? If you believe your Hobbes then maybe the answer is yes. I was never convinced myself, Leviathan is a depressingly pessimistic read. "
Ooh, keep talking dirty to me  |
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bloody Europeans 
