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‘Not all men!’

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

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By *herry OnatopWoman  over a year ago

Just over there

Yes. The end.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"Yes. The end. "

Close thread

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

No, its the opposite.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Not all men do

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By *offiaCoolWoman  over a year ago

Kidsgrove

No, not all men.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Some men do though.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

It’s what men say when they don’t want to believe that it applies to them, whilst also attempting to appear different but simultaneously defending the honour of those poor defenceless guys

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ? "

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago


"No, its the opposite."

Is it, this is so confusing

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By *uckslut and MCouple  over a year ago

Poole

Maybe yes but no sometimes.

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool

Sometimes but it's mostly an attempt to shut down the conversation because they believe that their discomfort at being part of a demographic where some are harming another is a bigger deal than the issue of the people being harmed.

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By *ce WingerMan  over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

I went out with a lass for 7 years back in the 80's, if I did anything that she didn't agree with, her stock phrase was, "Well most normal men would......"

I never professed to be normal

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By *oncupiscence73Woman  over a year ago

South


"It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better."

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By *andy_tomMan  over a year ago

wolverhampton

50/50 maybe

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I don't know or understand the question

Your welcome

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By *oelDorianMan  over a year ago

vanaheim


"Sometimes but it's mostly an attempt to shut down the conversation because they believe that their discomfort at being part of a demographic where some are harming another is a bigger deal than the issue of the people being harmed. "

exactly this

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By *AABMan  over a year ago

Not far


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

this

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

Very true

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Blanketing any group of people is dangerous, including this. It creates the notion that all men can stop a minority. The truth is we can’t. Yes we can help educate those who are open to being educated, very possibly, but attackers, rapists, murderers? No chance. It won’t make a blind bit of difference. We need to stop this rhetoric and look at proper ways to deal with the issue that doesn’t look to pit all men against all women. Not all men are rapists / misogynistic. Not all men can solve the problem. All men can make sure they behave appropriately. That message isn’t clear when ‘all men’ are blanketed. Rant over

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/04/21 09:31:50]

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

im pretty sure ive just seen the can of worms going BOOOOOOOM

Px

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"im pretty sure ive just seen the can of worms going BOOOOOOOM

Px"

I'll bring the popcorn

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's what is said when you hear Tainted Love for the 50th time

#notalmond

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Men get a tough time and they shouldn't be responsible for the minority. Yes there's shitty men but guess what there's shitty women too. There's shitty people in this world and no amount of campaigning will ever change that. You can educate people about what society expects of them but ultimately they are going to do what they wanna do

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ? "

Some men do

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By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land

When people say women can be bitchy in the workplace for example. I damn well know it's not all women all of the time. But do I recognize that I have had instances in my life that I have been - hell yes, do I regret it now yes. I also recognise that I see it in my workplace and I can do better to try and stop it. Which is why you never see me say #notallwomen.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's the written equivalent of sticking their fingers in their ears and saying "LALALALALALA"

The people who say this are the people that don't want to believe that bad things happen, or that they should be calling out their mates or colleagues for creepy behaviour.

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool


"When people say women can be bitchy in the workplace for example. I damn well know it's not all women all of the time. But do I recognize that I have had instances in my life that I have been - hell yes, do I regret it now yes. I also recognise that I see it in my workplace and I can do better to try and stop it. Which is why you never see me say #notallwomen. "

Exactly! And if people are talking about issues of white people being racist or white supremacy, etc then the fact that I personally as one white person am not a racist is not even slightly relevant to the conversation or at all helpful. If your response is "well I'm not part of the problem" rather than "how can I help" then you're a bit of a dick. If you don't want to help then at least just keep quiet and let people get on with trying to do something about it rather than shouting over them with useless contributions.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

King's Crustacean

Not me though. No. Not me.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Men get a tough time and they shouldn't be responsible for the minority. Yes there's shitty men but guess what there's shitty women too. There's shitty people in this world and no amount of campaigning will ever change that. You can educate people about what society expects of them but ultimately they are going to do what they wanna do "

THIS!

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By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"When people say women can be bitchy in the workplace for example. I damn well know it's not all women all of the time. But do I recognize that I have had instances in my life that I have been - hell yes, do I regret it now yes. I also recognise that I see it in my workplace and I can do better to try and stop it. Which is why you never see me say #notallwomen.

Exactly! And if people are talking about issues of white people being racist or white supremacy, etc then the fact that I personally as one white person am not a racist is not even slightly relevant to the conversation or at all helpful. If your response is "well I'm not part of the problem" rather than "how can I help" then you're a bit of a dick. If you don't want to help then at least just keep quiet and let people get on with trying to do something about it rather than shouting over them with useless contributions. "

Totally agree find solutions rather than resort to school yard antics of it wasn't me miss it was so and so. We're grown adults and should try and act like it

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By *hetalkingstoveMan  over a year ago

London


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

You have this a bit confused.

No one is saying that literally all men are bad.

The problem is that any discussion on harm caused by men gets hijacked by 'not all men!'. No, it isn't all men, but it's enough men to cause serious problems, and we need to be able to address that without pandering to men who apparently can't deal with any criticism of their gender.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Here’s an idea. Let’s stop using ‘men’ and instead use ‘misogynist’, ‘abuser’, ‘rapist’

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour.

You have this a bit confused.

No one is saying that literally all men are bad.

The problem is that any discussion on harm caused by men gets hijacked by 'not all men!'. No, it isn't all men, but it's enough men to cause serious problems, and we need to be able to address that without pandering to men who apparently can't deal with any criticism of their gender. "

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By *amie HantsWoman  over a year ago

Atlantis

Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes"

What a brilliant analogy. Love this.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ? "

Personally no, I think it’s the typical emotional response to feeling accused of something... do I think people say it to shut down the argument, or because they don’t believe it’s a problem... absolutely.

Lots of reasons why people respond how they do and it isn’t just one simple reason.

Just like everyone should listen to the purpose of what’s being said, so should counter opinions rather than generalising everyone as guilty, defensive or martyr’s... sometimes people just have a different perspective and no one should be close minded or their opinions are the only ones that count or matter.

But more importantly, if all you are doing is arguing over semantics and not really doing anything anyway... (that’s both arguing for and against) just shut up

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour.

You have this a bit confused.

No one is saying that literally all men are bad.

The problem is that any discussion on harm caused by men gets hijacked by 'not all men!'. No, it isn't all men, but it's enough men to cause serious problems, and we need to be able to address that without pandering to men who apparently can't deal with any criticism of their gender.

"

Well said!

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Sometimes but it's mostly an attempt to shut down the conversation because they believe that their discomfort at being part of a demographic where some are harming another is a bigger deal than the issue of the people being harmed. "

This. Absolutely this

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

Your diatribe is based on the supposition that it’s a small minority and you’re drawing false equivalences between minority groups and a whole gender.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Here’s an idea. Let’s stop using ‘men’ and instead use ‘misogynist’, ‘abuser’, ‘rapist’"

Demonising the people doesn’t help and is just appeasement. The issue isn’t just misogynists, r**ists, abusers it’s harassment, it’s the creepy sexualisation, it’s the people who can’t take ‘no’, which unfortunately is far more common than many are comfortable in admitting.

Putting the issue in neat pigeon holes won’t address the problem

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By *oeBeansMan  over a year ago

Derby

I'll be honest, I just want to be left to my own devices. I'm comfortable with knowing I'm not part of this and if I do come across any sexist behaviour, I am quick to call it out.

However, I'm not going to stretch beyond what is not in my control by "educating" and preaching to people as it may just drive them further away. Sometimes it does feel like "if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem" which has me on edge as as it's another pressure in my life I'll have to worry about doing enough of. It sounds selfish, but that's how I feel anyway...

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By *ustBoWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"

You have this a bit confused.

No one is saying that literally all men are bad.

The problem is that any discussion on harm caused by men gets hijacked by 'not all men!'. No, it isn't all men, but it's enough men to cause serious problems, and we need to be able to address that without pandering to men who apparently can't deal with any criticism of their gender. "

Just like how it gets hijacked when any woman dares to be criticised on here. But that always seems to be accepted on here and any thread is filled up of people sticking up for women .

But men seemingly don't have to right to say how they don't abuse women they get told they are part of the problem. I've even seen posts in the forum's where men have said they have been attacked by women and some of the responses are taking the piss out of the guys and I've seen some women actually blame the men saying they must have done something to deserve it .

No one deserves to be attacked no matter what gender they are and no one is responsible for others behaviours.Telling ALL men that they are somehow responsible for those that abuse is wrong and unfair and ye men do have a right to stand for themselves when it is said and it has been said a lot over the forum's recently.

And I am saying this as someone who has been attacked and abused by a man in the past before I get the usual backlash where I get told that it's my opinion because I have not been in a situation where I feared for my life. Yes the guy who attacked me was a prick but it doesn't make me think every guy out there is or that all men should be held responsible just because that guy was the lowest of the low.

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By *iscean_dreamMan  over a year ago

Llanelli

There's shitty people no matter what sex they're, been on the receiving end from abusive partners but not once did I retaliate because it's not in my nature to hit a woman unless it's d/s dynamique.

I always stick up for people no matter who they're if I can see they're being abused in some way.

Can't just watch people get treated badly.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Here’s an idea. Let’s stop using ‘men’ and instead use ‘misogynist’, ‘abuser’, ‘rapist’"

Agreed because Women aren't capable of those things are they?

Taking gender out of it, is not the responsibility of everyone to keep themselves safe and call out abusive behaviours

And no, it is not all men that I do know

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I don't need to justify the actions of others because they also belong to one of the many categories I belong to.

Men aren't a homogeneous group, however, being a white middle class man coloured some of my perceptions and therefore I need to be reminded that time to time.

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By *affron40Woman  over a year ago

manchester


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly."

Truth.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly."

The clunes are there if you look hard enough.

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By *gent CoulsonMan  over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I am not all men, I am me, I am an individual

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By *ustBoWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly."

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly."

What a load of rubbish. Women are told we're crazy, hysterical, bossy, bitchy, gold diggers, try to trap men by getting pregnant, use our sexuality to advance our careers, that we "get ourselves pregnant" to get free housing and money from the state, etc. It's just less of a big deal to criticise women.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes"

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

What a load of rubbish. Women are told we're crazy, hysterical, bossy, bitchy, gold diggers, try to trap men by getting pregnant, use our sexuality to advance our careers, that we "get ourselves pregnant" to get free housing and money from the state, etc. It's just less of a big deal to criticise women. "

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly."

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

[Removed by poster at 04/04/21 11:22:30]

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion. "

Did you just drop Hitler into this discussion?

# NotAllNazis

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

What a load of rubbish. Women are told we're crazy, hysterical, bossy, bitchy, gold diggers, try to trap men by getting pregnant, use our sexuality to advance our careers, that we "get ourselves pregnant" to get free housing and money from the state, etc. It's just less of a big deal to criticise women. "

Please don't negate what I say as rubbish because you disagree.

Do we? Who does that? People on Fab? Daily Fail readers or the great unwashed of the social media camp?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Why not all of us ....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another. "

This is very true

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By *lasphemousGirlWoman  over a year ago

Cambs


"Sometimes but it's mostly an attempt to shut down the conversation because they believe that their discomfort at being part of a demographic where some are harming another is a bigger deal than the issue of the people being harmed. "

This.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion.

Did you just drop Hitler into this discussion?

# NotAllNazis"

The origins of this analogy were pointed out to me by a Jewish friend who was troubled by the way it was being recycled without knowledge of the source. But feel free to mock their concerns.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another. "

What is even more interesting is that most ppl will always categorise themselves into the good group while categorise distant others as bad.

Therefore the abuser must be intrinsically bad and the victim inherently good. The contexts aren't even taking into consideration.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

You have this a bit confused.

No one is saying that literally all men are bad.

The problem is that any discussion on harm caused by men gets hijacked by 'not all men!'. No, it isn't all men, but it's enough men to cause serious problems, and we need to be able to address that without pandering to men who apparently can't deal with any criticism of their gender.

Just like how it gets hijacked when any woman dares to be criticised on here. But that always seems to be accepted on here and any thread is filled up of people sticking up for women .

But men seemingly don't have to right to say how they don't abuse women they get told they are part of the problem. I've even seen posts in the forum's where men have said they have been attacked by women and some of the responses are taking the piss out of the guys and I've seen some women actually blame the men saying they must have done something to deserve it .

No one deserves to be attacked no matter what gender they are and no one is responsible for others behaviours.Telling ALL men that they are somehow responsible for those that abuse is wrong and unfair and ye men do have a right to stand for themselves when it is said and it has been said a lot over the forum's recently.

And I am saying this as someone who has been attacked and abused by a man in the past before I get the usual backlash where I get told that it's my opinion because I have not been in a situation where I feared for my life. Yes the guy who attacked me was a prick but it doesn't make me think every guy out there is or that all men should be held responsible just because that guy was the lowest of the low."

Very well said

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By *icolerobbieCouple  over a year ago

walsall


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

Ain’t that the truth. ??

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion.

Did you just drop Hitler into this discussion?

# NotAllNazis

The origins of this analogy were pointed out to me by a Jewish friend who was troubled by the way it was being recycled without knowledge of the source. But feel free to mock their concerns. "

I think that in terms of its current usage, it’s very appropriate.

Does your friend also not drive Volkswagens?

My point is that a lot of things are problematic if we go into the history of their inceptions. Does it’s original usage make it less relevant as an analogy in this instance?

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another.

What is even more interesting is that most ppl will always categorise themselves into the good group while categorise distant others as bad.

Therefore the abuser must be intrinsically bad and the victim inherently good. The contexts aren't even taking into consideration. "

Exactly. I have no doubt that ra*ists or abusers rationalise and justify their actions and try to ‘be good’ so they can look at themselves in the mirror.

People judge themselves on their intentions and others on their actions.

People will always claim to be the good guys, always say they’re part of the solution.

I’ve seen abusers and ped**hiles first hand, trying to justify their actions and how they think.

No one that does wrong will just casually admit to it or implicate themselves

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another.

What is even more interesting is that most ppl will always categorise themselves into the good group while categorise distant others as bad.

Therefore the abuser must be intrinsically bad and the victim inherently good. The contexts aren't even taking into consideration.

Exactly. I have no doubt that ra*ists or abusers rationalise and justify their actions and try to ‘be good’ so they can look at themselves in the mirror.

People judge themselves on their intentions and others on their actions.

People will always claim to be the good guys, always say they’re part of the solution.

I’ve seen abusers and ped**hiles first hand, trying to justify their actions and how they think.

No one that does wrong will just casually admit to it or implicate themselves "

That's where lies the problem unfortunately. Human biases

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another.

What is even more interesting is that most ppl will always categorise themselves into the good group while categorise distant others as bad.

Therefore the abuser must be intrinsically bad and the victim inherently good. The contexts aren't even taking into consideration.

Exactly. I have no doubt that ra*ists or abusers rationalise and justify their actions and try to ‘be good’ so they can look at themselves in the mirror.

People judge themselves on their intentions and others on their actions.

People will always claim to be the good guys, always say they’re part of the solution.

I’ve seen abusers and ped**hiles first hand, trying to justify their actions and how they think.

No one that does wrong will just casually admit to it or implicate themselves

That's where lies the problem unfortunately. Human biases"

I think that all that it proves is that people can’t be trusted and reinforces that the statement ‘not all men’ can’t be trusted either.

Whilst it may be factually correct, the person saying it can’t be trusted

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Double standards everywhere and rarely nobody calls it out.

There was a thread yesterday poking fun at men, everyone thought it was great and joined in. Seems calling out behaviours only counts when it is a Man behaving badly.

That’s very true.

I don’t think that it negates either as being bad though.

It’s not about people being exclusively good or bad, everyone is shades of grey in the middle and we can all do better in calling out problematic and bad behaviour.

I think that part of the problem is that people place others in binary groups of ‘good/bad’, if a person has been abused, they’re a victim (good) but an abuser can be abused and criminal can be a victim.

People are complex, they’re not just one things, so let’s not use one sin to wash off another.

What is even more interesting is that most ppl will always categorise themselves into the good group while categorise distant others as bad.

Therefore the abuser must be intrinsically bad and the victim inherently good. The contexts aren't even taking into consideration.

Exactly. I have no doubt that ra*ists or abusers rationalise and justify their actions and try to ‘be good’ so they can look at themselves in the mirror.

People judge themselves on their intentions and others on their actions.

People will always claim to be the good guys, always say they’re part of the solution.

I’ve seen abusers and ped**hiles first hand, trying to justify their actions and how they think.

No one that does wrong will just casually admit to it or implicate themselves

That's where lies the problem unfortunately. Human biases

I think that all that it proves is that people can’t be trusted and reinforces that the statement ‘not all men’ can’t be trusted either.

Whilst it may be factually correct, the person saying it can’t be trusted "

Makes me cynical though. But I do agree

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By *partharmonyCouple  over a year ago

Ruislip


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ? "

Yes, and when it doesn't too.

To paraphrase Christine Keeler "Well he would say that, wouldn't he?"

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By *icolerobbieCouple  over a year ago

walsall

I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

This is all playing into the Tories’ hands. They thrive on splitting society, especially those to the left xx

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By * and R cple4Couple  over a year ago

swansea


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

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By *ustBoWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

I said just the same thing the other day.

Everytime a subject matter pops up, I am expected to pick sides.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

I think that you’re ignoring the depth of the problem and how it’s been dismissed for a very long time.

I don’t think that it’s misandry I just think that it’s a rebalance of the misogyny that is ingrained into society.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome.

This is all playing into the Tories’ hands. They thrive on splitting society, especially those to the left xx"

What a strange comment. This isn’t a political argument

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

Very tiresome and very well said!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

No but yeah but no

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome."

Very very well said

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 04/04/21 12:35:13]

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It can be very selective at times of what people are fighting for. It takes a tragedy to happen for a movement to start which unfortunately a lot of people join at the time to suit their agenda. It's time to stop putting people in boxes and blaming the many for the actions of the few. It doesn't matter about gender, there are good and bad people in this world.. It's up to you and you alone to decide which one you will be

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

So what do you do about whole communities whereby the man is the head of the house, his rule is set in religious and community behaviours.

This happens across the globe on all continents

Can we change a religion yes but it takes hundreds of years

Can we change social doctrines... I feel it’s a thankless task

Should we load all this onto teachers... well it’s easy for Governments to do that

In my career I dealt with many abuse cases and as such I see manipulation in many relationships around me, not the physical side that mainly remains hidden, but certainly the mental manipulation

Guess how popular I can be lol

So I do try

I have stepped in and risked a good hiding as I’m not Chuck Norris

At times people have come to me for advice and I always give them good advice and referrals

But I am so sick of the Woke generation, the generation who believe they can do what they like

Oh and I don’t post face pics and I have a cock pic because it always comes down to how big are you... so it’s there lol

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By *xperience huntingMan  over a year ago

where

It’s not all men! I know it, you know it and so do many of the women behind this latest strap line. However, all men could play a part in making women feel less threatened by perhaps being a little more aware and respectful.

Such as crossing the road if they find themselves walking behind a woman who is alone?

Or even not staring at them in an uncomfortable way.

Tories are mostly shits but even I can’t find a way to blame for this one!

I don’t agree with intercepting people cat calling and such as a rule as it all depends on context. I would if seemed threatening but other than that a comment is a comment and should just be ignored.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"It can be very selective at times of what people are fighting for. It takes a tragedy to happen for a movement to start which unfortunately a lot of people join at the time to suit their agenda. It's time to stop putting people in boxes and blaming the many for the actions of the few. It doesn't matter about gender, there are good and bad people in this world.. It's up to you and you alone to decide which one you will be "

The issue with that is that ‘bad’ people don’t believe that they are bad. They justify their actions or believe that their actions aren’t injurious.

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By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land

Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It can be very selective at times of what people are fighting for. It takes a tragedy to happen for a movement to start which unfortunately a lot of people join at the time to suit their agenda. It's time to stop putting people in boxes and blaming the many for the actions of the few. It doesn't matter about gender, there are good and bad people in this world.. It's up to you and you alone to decide which one you will be

The issue with that is that ‘bad’ people don’t believe that they are bad. They justify their actions or believe that their actions aren’t injurious. "

That's exactly the point, no amount of education will change their way of thinking. They know what's wrong and choose to do it anyway. You can't shift responsiblity of their actions on to others, it's on their shoulders alone.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer? "

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue"

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately."

This is my take on it too. It is nobody else's responsibility to keep myself safe, it is mine and I will do that.

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By *ustBoWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately."

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By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w

My take on this is that people are limping all men together and saying we need to do this do thaf.

Men aren’t the problem. Rapists and murderers and psychopaths are.

They aren’t men. They aren’t even people. They’re freaks of society.

So telling good, honest, respectful men to think about women’s feelings does nothing.

It don’t stop the freaks.

So instead of pointing a finger at men and asking us to do something that does nothing.

Let’s point a finger at the government and police and ask what are you doing to make streets safer for everyone.

Because I’m twice as likely to be murdered by one of these freaks than a woman is. No ones campaigning for my safety. In fact apparently, I’m the problem?

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman  over a year ago

Southampton

We were discussing this at work, if a man doesn't see the bad behaviour how can he call it out?

We have a man at work who likes to intimidate and threaten female colleagues but he only does it if he's alone with you and you're short (I've reported it) but when I've mentioned it to other male colleagues they don't know its happening because he doesn't do it in front of others and they've been shocked and said they would challenge it if they saw it but if it's only done when no one is around they can't challenge it

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My take on this is that people are limping all men together and saying we need to do this do thaf.

Men aren’t the problem. Rapists and murderers and psychopaths are.

They aren’t men. They aren’t even people. They’re freaks of society.

So telling good, honest, respectful men to think about women’s feelings does nothing.

It don’t stop the freaks.

So instead of pointing a finger at men and asking us to do something that does nothing.

Let’s point a finger at the government and police and ask what are you doing to make streets safer for everyone.

Because I’m twice as likely to be murdered by one of these freaks than a woman is. No ones campaigning for my safety. In fact apparently, I’m the problem? "

This

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By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w

I feel like I could literally be being murdered on a street in broad daylight and women would still complain that I didn’t cross the road and they feel intimidated

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

#NotAllMenJustCityJeansAndMrMystique

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By *rincess PhoenixWoman  over a year ago

Southampton


"I feel like I could literally be being murdered on a street in broad daylight and women would still complain that I didn’t cross the road and they feel intimidated "

That sort of comment is ridiculous and shows you don't understand the problem!

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By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"I feel like I could literally be being murdered on a street in broad daylight and women would still complain that I didn’t cross the road and they feel intimidated

That sort of comment is ridiculous and shows you don't understand the problem!"

Then read my comment above and educate me.

It’s funny that when women feel something everyone needs to change. Thrn I express my feelings and suddenly Im ridiculous and don’t understand.

Men get murdered at twice the rate as women

Then on top of that 75% of women that are killed are murdered by someone they know.

But they want complete strangers to cross the road to make them FEEL safer.

Instead of asking the police why we aren’t actually safer? Why isn’t there more real protection.

Me crossing the road don’t protect yiu. I’m not a threat. Your friends and ex partners are more a threat to your safety than a stranger is

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By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately."

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

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By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given. "

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

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By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"I feel like I could literally be being murdered on a street in broad daylight and women would still complain that I didn’t cross the road and they feel intimidated "

How are the two things actually linked? Confused?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing "

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"I feel like I could literally be being murdered on a street in broad daylight and women would still complain that I didn’t cross the road and they feel intimidated

How are the two things actually linked? Confused? "

They don’t have to be. It’s how I feel.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation "

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion.

Did you just drop Hitler into this discussion?

# NotAllNazis"

He was a vegetarian and so probably ok

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Leave a #notallmen man in a room with a load of snakes. Don’t tell him which is poisonous. Let him have to sympathise with every single one of them as to not offend the non poisonous one.

#notallsnakes

I completely appreciate that most people using this analogy do not know its origins, but it was first popularised in a 1938 German book called Der Giftpilz (the poisonous mushroom). I will let people do their own research and decide if it is suitable for this discussion.

Did you just drop Hitler into this discussion?

# NotAllNazis

He was a vegetarian and so probably ok "

And a painter!

I guess one day he was just like “I can’t get the trees to look right... forget I will just kill all the Jews!”

Eddie Izzard Is my hero!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists "

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given. "

Absolutely its a good thing to have these discussions and of course every man should have the knowledge of how to treat a woman and vice versa a woman on how to treat a man. Its good to debate and learn other people's perspectives, I think we can all agree on that at least

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right "

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *emorefridaCouple  over a year ago

La la land


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Absolutely its a good thing to have these discussions and of course every man should have the knowledge of how to treat a woman and vice versa a woman on how to treat a man. Its good to debate and learn other people's perspectives, I think we can all agree on that at least "

Totally agree with you

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *an4funMan  over a year ago

london


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

Personally no, I think it’s the typical emotional response to feeling accused of something... do I think people say it to shut down the argument, or because they don’t believe it’s a problem... absolutely.

Lots of reasons why people respond how they do and it isn’t just one simple reason.

Just like everyone should listen to the purpose of what’s being said, so should counter opinions rather than generalising everyone as guilty, defensive or martyr’s... sometimes people just have a different perspective and no one should be close minded or their opinions are the only ones that count or matter.

But more importantly, if all you are doing is arguing over semantics and not really doing anything anyway... (that’s both arguing for and against) just shut up "

Hallelujah!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand? "

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?"

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that."

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow. "

Can you elaborate on that then instead of dismissing him?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By *annaBeStrongMan  over a year ago

w


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow. "

What other metric do we go off though? Statistically he’s no threat to you. What’s the alternative?

Personally I think everyone should have their head on swivel and be wary on anyone.

And we should be asking the police and government why out streets aren’t safer.

Instead of trying to label someone that isn’t a threat anyways

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow.

What other metric do we go off though? Statistically he’s no threat to you. What’s the alternative?

Personally I think everyone should have their head on swivel and be wary on anyone.

And we should be asking the police and government why out streets aren’t safer.

Instead of trying to label someone that isn’t a threat anyways "

Stop trying to add reason and common sense into it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

 

By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow.

What other metric do we go off though? Statistically he’s no threat to you. What’s the alternative?

Personally I think everyone should have their head on swivel and be wary on anyone.

And we should be asking the police and government why out streets aren’t safer.

Instead of trying to label someone that isn’t a threat anyways

Stop trying to add reason and common sense into it "

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By *ex HolesMan  over a year ago

Up North

They never end well these types of threads

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By *rHotNottsMan  over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

Ffs go a wank over the Xbox and let off some steam, or if you’re a woman or not like all men, male a cake

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman  over a year ago

King's Crustacean


"Is this what men say when it most definitely applies to them ?

No. It's a misandric trope.

It's 2021, and people are STILL stereotyping a majority based on the actions of a small minority.

What next?

Not all blacks?

Not all Muslims?

Not all women?

Not all gays?

Not all trans?

Think about how offensive that is for all those groups. Why is it less offensive to say all men and make fun of it.

Utterly, utterly disgusting sexist behaviour. "

Hmmmmm not misandric - quite the opposite.

It's not helping any cause much.

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool


"Why can't people just listen? Why can't I say when a man walks behind me at night I feel intimidated? Yes most men are harmless, but I don't know that individual is. It may not have occurred to said male if these kinds of conversations were taking place. So why detail everything saying not all men? Why not listen and learn and help make everyone feel safer?

100%

People would rather feel insulted or shift the discussion or argue semantics, than actually address and engage in the discussion.

We’re here arguing about men’s hurt feelings, rather than the actual issue

That works both ways, the men should be listened to aswell. Yes of course it's ok to say you feel intimidated if you are walking alone at night. That doesn't mean that all men should cross the road to make you feel better, there has to be some kind of self responsibility of keeping yourself safe. If people rely on stuff like this, their guard will be dropped and that's when they are most likely to be unsafe. If I feel intimidated I will cross the road or make decisions about not being outside alone at night. It would be a great world if we all could just be safe but that's not the world we live in unfortunately.

But that's the thing I already do cross a road for example. A male may not realise why I do it. It's not a bad thing to have these discussions. We're all here to learn from each other. Arguing if me saying men is bad or not isn't helpful in my opinion. Especially when alternative phraseology is never given.

Murderers, rapists and psychopaths are bad

That’s the phrasing

Did I say men who walk closely behind were any of these things? No. Stop and actually listen to the conversation

You said there’s no other phraseology

I just gave you one

Use that instead of men. It’s simple.

Same as we don’t say all Muslims are terrorists

Ok so I'll label each man who walks behind me that little bit too close to me at night a murderer, right

I don’t understand what your saying

Don’t label the man behind you anything.

Label the murderers, rapists and psychopaths.

How is this hard to understand?

Is there a word for, I don’t know what that man behind me actually is, until the danger and/or situation has passed?

Statistically, if you don’t know him, he’s not a threat. So I’d leave it at that.

Really? It’s not that simple. Statistics are all very well, but it doesn’t always follow.

What other metric do we go off though? Statistically he’s no threat to you. What’s the alternative?

Personally I think everyone should have their head on swivel and be wary on anyone.

And we should be asking the police and government why out streets aren’t safer.

Instead of trying to label someone that isn’t a threat anyways "

Repeatedly in my life I've been groped and deliberately intimidated by strangers so whatever statistics might say I'm still going to be wary of other strangers doing it too.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Men get a tough time and they shouldn't be responsible for the minority. Yes there's shitty men but guess what there's shitty women too. There's shitty people in this world and no amount of campaigning will ever change that. You can educate people about what society expects of them but ultimately they are going to do what they wanna do "

Exactly

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By *ungdrawnandquarteredMan  over a year ago

Redbourn

How anyone can be offended and disgusted by the line 'not all men' is astonishing. You can literally change the last word to anything and its a correct statement because its never been used without the follow up

Not all men pander to women on here, but some do.

Not all Yorkshireman are tight, but some are.

Not all administrators are inconsistent but some are

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome.

I think that you’re ignoring the depth of the problem and how it’s been dismissed for a very long time.

I don’t think that it’s misandry I just think that it’s a rebalance of the misogyny that is ingrained into society.

"

for me the flaw with this is believing we only have a few bad apples, or that people know right from wrong when society and history has blurred what that line is

its not just about the r*pists, murderers and psychopaths as thickasfuc wants to put it

its about all the intimidating and derogatory and misogynistic behaviour that lies somewhere between ... its the fact society to a point still approves of this and writes it off as flirting or banter or at the very least not a big deal , so no many people behaving like this don’t even think they are wrong, but collectively they add to the environment where women don’t feel safe

we don’t have a few bad apples that are responsible for 97% of women being sexually harassed at some point - thats a mostly rotten barrel, each apple tainted to greater or lesser extent sure, some of them even still perfect, but a few bad apples doesn’t accurately describe the problem

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford

#NotMe and #NeverWillBeMe

The bullshit that I am somehow part of the problem by saying it's not me.. It's not my job to supervise or police other men. I have seen situations where that just leads to guys rolling around on the floor and not in a cuddling way.

I will stick to my sharks and let others do the mentoring thank you very much..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome.

I think that you’re ignoring the depth of the problem and how it’s been dismissed for a very long time.

I don’t think that it’s misandry I just think that it’s a rebalance of the misogyny that is ingrained into society.

for me the flaw with this is believing we only have a few bad apples, or that people know right from wrong when society and history has blurred what that line is

its not just about the r*pists, murderers and psychopaths as thickasfuc wants to put it

its about all the intimidating and derogatory and misogynistic behaviour that lies somewhere between ... its the fact society to a point still approves of this and writes it off as flirting or banter or at the very least not a big deal , so no many people behaving like this don’t even think they are wrong, but collectively they add to the environment where women don’t feel safe

we don’t have a few bad apples that are responsible for 97% of women being sexually harassed at some point - thats a mostly rotten barrel, each apple tainted to greater or lesser extent sure, some of them even still perfect, but a few bad apples doesn’t accurately describe the problem "

Very well said

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By *hetalkingstoveMan  over a year ago

London


"Men get a tough time and they shouldn't be responsible for the minority. Yes there's shitty men but guess what there's shitty women too. There's shitty people in this world and no amount of campaigning will ever change that. You can educate people about what society expects of them but ultimately they are going to do what they wanna do

Exactly"

Extremely simplistic and cynical.

Many positive changes have been made in society. And they were made by people campaigning and protesting and educating.

Sitting back and saying "well, some people suck, that's life" is just a way to wash your hands of any responsibility for any issues.

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"I think that when people blame a whole group of society for the few bad apples, they lose credibility.

Any decent human being knows right from wrong, but innocence by people have a clear conscience. This whole idea of blaming men for not policing other men is just as ridiculous as expecting women to do the same when women behave badly as highlighted in posts above.

The misandry going round at the minute is unbelievable and I am not surprised by the amount of men who choose to have nothing to do with women these days.

The world has never been more divided, whether it’s race, gender, wealth , political views or even what generation people were born in.

It’s getting very tiresome.

I think that you’re ignoring the depth of the problem and how it’s been dismissed for a very long time.

I don’t think that it’s misandry I just think that it’s a rebalance of the misogyny that is ingrained into society.

for me the flaw with this is believing we only have a few bad apples, or that people know right from wrong when society and history has blurred what that line is

its not just about the r*pists, murderers and psychopaths as thickasfuc wants to put it

its about all the intimidating and derogatory and misogynistic behaviour that lies somewhere between ... its the fact society to a point still approves of this and writes it off as flirting or banter or at the very least not a big deal , so no many people behaving like this don’t even think they are wrong, but collectively they add to the environment where women don’t feel safe

we don’t have a few bad apples that are responsible for 97% of women being sexually harassed at some point - thats a mostly rotten barrel, each apple tainted to greater or lesser extent sure, some of them even still perfect, but a few bad apples doesn’t accurately describe the problem "

100%

It’s dismissing the extent and depth of the issue because it makes people uncomfortable

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Chauvinistic, sexist and degrading behaviour is learned behaviour, as are values in my opinions.

These are things I think in society can be better educated and changed, but that is not just men’s responsibility to change or challenge.

It’s also important to remember we have inherent biology that influence actions too, and we spend our whole lives fighting against our animal instincts to fit in with society which is manufactured. So there will always be some conflict, and that is both men and women!

I genuinely believe even in this subject you see this conflict! Here is where I properly prod the bear... I think women are more genuine in their actions, I think men are much more likely to have motives. In society we try to be equals, but as animals men are much more motivated by the physical.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple  over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"Sometimes but it's mostly an attempt to shut down the conversation because they believe that their discomfort at being part of a demographic where some are harming another is a bigger deal than the issue of the people being harmed. "

Yes, yes, yes! This puts it better than I could. #notallmen has become like a red rag to a bull - people pile in talking about how men are getting picked on, whilst completely disregarding the issues the phrase arose from. As a diversionary and divisive tactic it's a masterstroke. "Look over here! Don't look at women speaking up about ingrained cultural misogyny!" It's not a matter of one thing being more or less important, it's a derailing of the subject.

Mrs kf x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

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By *amie HantsWoman  over a year ago

Atlantis

‘Things need to change and there needs to be a culture shift around curbing male violence’

‘Not all men are violent, how dare you be so sexist’

‘No I’m saying there needs to be a change in soc-‘

‘#notallmen! I have never harmed a women!, shower me in praise for never harming someone. The bar is in the floor I step over it and now I want to be told how amazing I am’

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Not all men burn the food on the bbq

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By *wist my nipplesCouple  over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly


"‘Things need to change and there needs to be a culture shift around curbing male violence’

‘Not all men are violent, how dare you be so sexist’

‘No I’m saying there needs to be a change in soc-‘

‘#notallmen! I have never harmed a women!, shower me in praise for never harming someone. The bar is in the floor I step over it and now I want to be told how amazing I am’ "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously"

Yes, they do, but by derailing the issue and making it all about men, it’s making you part of the problem.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"‘Things need to change and there needs to be a culture shift around curbing male violence’

‘Not all men are violent, how dare you be so sexist’

‘No I’m saying there needs to be a change in soc-‘

‘#notallmen! I have never harmed a women!, shower me in praise for never harming someone. The bar is in the floor I step over it and now I want to be told how amazing I am’ "

You hit the nail on the head again!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously"

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

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By * Sophie xTV/TS  over a year ago

Derby

Some men but not all men yadda yadda yadda....the fact that its some men means that of course those who are at risk because of 'some men' are always going to be wary of men because no man has it stamped on his head that he is one of those men to be wary or scared of.

If you liken it to a fear of dogs as only some dogs bite but you don't know which dogs so you become wary of all dogs.....it that seen as wrong to be wary of all dogs? No, so why is it wrong to be wary of all men in some situations?

If a woman walking alone down a dark street is going to feel uneasy due to the behaviours of some men then can you really blame them? Men can be oblivious to how their actions can appear to someone who is in fear so until the day comes when no men give any reason for a woman to feel afraid then these conversations will need to keep happening. As a man I've had this fear where you wouldn't expect a 6ft guy would ever feel it and its not good.

Guys, step back and think for a moment and don't take it like a personal attack, think of it in general terms, think of it from a loved ones perspective or how you would feel if a female family member or friend would feel to be followed, groped, cornered or any other scenario that would make them feel uncomfortable.

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you "

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Blanketing any group of people is dangerous, including this. It creates the notion that all men can stop a minority. The truth is we can’t. Yes we can help educate those who are open to being educated, very possibly, but attackers, rapists, murderers? No chance. It won’t make a blind bit of difference. We need to stop this rhetoric and look at proper ways to deal with the issue that doesn’t look to pit all men against all women. Not all men are rapists / misogynistic. Not all men can solve the problem. All men can make sure they behave appropriately. That message isn’t clear when ‘all men’ are blanketed. Rant over"

Absolutely hit the nail on the head

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you "

Joe Rogan talks about something like this in his comedy, where ‘men’s rights’ people are shouting how men get ra*ed too... to which he says yea by other men you dumb fuck! Again not all incidents are by men, but a lot are lol

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you "

I take my personel safety very seriously so im weary of all strangers at night regardless of gender because i know idiots come in all forms.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon.."

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

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By *uke olovingmanMan  over a year ago

Gravesend

I only speak for myself...I don't think I could know what all men think

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean"

Tell it to the judge ...

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean"

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

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By * Sophie xTV/TS  over a year ago

Derby


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

"

Keys used in this way are for self defence and if this ever made it to court then they are seen as a weapon of offence only and the circumstances would be taken I to account as to why they were used and held in this way.

It is absolutely not the same as going equipped with say a knife which is an offensive weapon which would then be seen as going with intent to harm.

Very different scenarios indeed and any judge would see it that way.

To argue that a normally innocent item is classed as the same as an offensive weapon is sheer stupidity, to profess they are the same is you spoiling for an argument.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy

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By *iaisonseekerMan  over a year ago

Liverpool

In my experience, it's not so much a case of #notallmen as #notonlymen

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better."

if I ever saw a woman being mistreated I'd step in so....

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy"

i agree with alot of this , but i think the disassociation goes even further than you describe, people don’t even want to realise that they know these men, that the misogynistic behaviour is being perpetuated by their sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, mates, work colleagues and in some cases its even those folk doing the attacks

these people are not born monsters and ostracised from society creeping out of the shadows now and again to harass someone then creeping back , loads of it is happening openly in front of people but society has a blurred line of what language and behaviour is and is not acceptable so it happens right in front of our faces and is passed off as banter , or just hitting on someone , being overly flirty, just a joke. when it comes to entirely legitimate behaviour that inadvertently might make a woman feel unsafe that knowledge is even less known

by disassociating these people and behaviours in our head it creates an us and them , the them are demonised , and it makes it that much harder to recognise the behaviour in our peers because that guy you know “couldn’t possibly be one of them, he can be a bit cheeky sometimes but never as bad as all that”

categorising a person as bad is much harder than recognising some of their behaviour is bad and thats why changing to story to “r*pists, monsters, misogynists, attackers are bad” doesn’t work because not only does nobody want to recognise any of that behaviour in themselves, they also dont want to admit to seeing it in friends so it gets downplayed even further

we need to normalise having conversations with our friends and family about how what behaviour is acceptable has now shifted, without it being interpreted as an attack, we don’t care about the past, we care about the present and the future, we aren’t calling you a monster we are just pointing out that what you just did there is not appropriate in 2021 ... and slowly over time the actions of society changes, and not all men becomes very few men because the “monsters” no longer have a safe space to show their true colours

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

Keys used in this way are for self defence and if this ever made it to court then they are seen as a weapon of offence only and the circumstances would be taken I to account as to why they were used and held in this way.

It is absolutely not the same as going equipped with say a knife which is an offensive weapon which would then be seen as going with intent to harm.

Very different scenarios indeed and any judge would see it that way.

To argue that a normally innocent item is classed as the same as an offensive weapon is sheer stupidity, to profess they are the same is you spoiling for an argument."

No. But I know the law

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better.if I ever saw a woman being mistreated I'd step in so...."

Yep and often the man and the woman both turn on the rescuer.. seen it many times..

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy

i agree with alot of this , but i think the disassociation goes even further than you describe, people don’t even want to realise that they know these men, that the misogynistic behaviour is being perpetuated by their sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, mates, work colleagues and in some cases its even those folk doing the attacks

these people are not born monsters and ostracised from society creeping out of the shadows now and again to harass someone then creeping back , loads of it is happening openly in front of people but society has a blurred line of what language and behaviour is and is not acceptable so it happens right in front of our faces and is passed off as banter , or just hitting on someone , being overly flirty, just a joke. when it comes to entirely legitimate behaviour that inadvertently might make a woman feel unsafe that knowledge is even less known

by disassociating these people and behaviours in our head it creates an us and them , the them are demonised , and it makes it that much harder to recognise the behaviour in our peers because that guy you know “couldn’t possibly be one of them, he can be a bit cheeky sometimes but never as bad as all that”

categorising a person as bad is much harder than recognising some of their behaviour is bad and thats why changing to story to “r*pists, monsters, misogynists, attackers are bad” doesn’t work because not only does nobody want to recognise any of that behaviour in themselves, they also dont want to admit to seeing it in friends so it gets downplayed even further

we need to normalise having conversations with our friends and family about how what behaviour is acceptable has now shifted, without it being interpreted as an attack, we don’t care about the past, we care about the present and the future, we aren’t calling you a monster we are just pointing out that what you just did there is not appropriate in 2021 ... and slowly over time the actions of society changes, and not all men becomes very few men because the “monsters” no longer have a safe space to show their true colours "

Society and cultures have values that flow back and forth like the tides, always changing, always evolving and sometimes you get your feet wet..

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better.if I ever saw a woman being mistreated I'd step in so....

Yep and often the man and the woman both turn on the rescuer.. seen it many times.."

i think this is partly where the problem lies, stepping in when you see bad behaviour people jump in their head to stopping someone being attacked, we aren’t looking for this kind of heroics, don’t put yourself in danger, you see that and you call the police

its much much smaller people are asking for , if you are walking on a dark street right behind a woman and you sense she is nervous, cross the road or let her know you are going to pass in front of her , if you hear your buddy in the pub saying stuff he shouldn’t don’t laugh or just stay quiet, say hey mate thats not funny, if your son is being a bit of a dick to women, don’t clap him on the back and say boys will be boys while in the same breath you would want to beat up your daughters boyfriend for the same actions - talk to him and teach him better

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


" Society and cultures have values that flow back and forth like the tides, always changing, always evolving and sometimes you get your feet wet.. "

i have literally no idea what that means in this context- if its just accept sometimes culture wont go your way then no i disagree, its not a tide that we have no control over , as acollective we absolutely can influence it - time to build a dam

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"It’s true that #notallmen harm women,’ Jameela Jamil posted to Instagram. ‘But do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? Do they interrupt troubling language and behavior in others? Do they have conversations about women’s safety/consent with their sons? Are #allmen interested in our safety?

‘You don’t get to exclude yourself from the wrong side unless you’re actively fighting on the right side.’

I tried to explain it, but my worms are loose in my head, and this does it better.if I ever saw a woman being mistreated I'd step in so...."

Acting the tough guy will land you in trouble and they could turn on you. Unless you can step in to difuse the situation without your size 10's and violence then you should just call the police.

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool


"Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy

i agree with alot of this , but i think the disassociation goes even further than you describe, people don’t even want to realise that they know these men, that the misogynistic behaviour is being perpetuated by their sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, mates, work colleagues and in some cases its even those folk doing the attacks

these people are not born monsters and ostracised from society creeping out of the shadows now and again to harass someone then creeping back , loads of it is happening openly in front of people but society has a blurred line of what language and behaviour is and is not acceptable so it happens right in front of our faces and is passed off as banter , or just hitting on someone , being overly flirty, just a joke. when it comes to entirely legitimate behaviour that inadvertently might make a woman feel unsafe that knowledge is even less known

by disassociating these people and behaviours in our head it creates an us and them , the them are demonised , and it makes it that much harder to recognise the behaviour in our peers because that guy you know “couldn’t possibly be one of them, he can be a bit cheeky sometimes but never as bad as all that”

categorising a person as bad is much harder than recognising some of their behaviour is bad and thats why changing to story to “r*pists, monsters, misogynists, attackers are bad” doesn’t work because not only does nobody want to recognise any of that behaviour in themselves, they also dont want to admit to seeing it in friends so it gets downplayed even further

we need to normalise having conversations with our friends and family about how what behaviour is acceptable has now shifted, without it being interpreted as an attack, we don’t care about the past, we care about the present and the future, we aren’t calling you a monster we are just pointing out that what you just did there is not appropriate in 2021 ... and slowly over time the actions of society changes, and not all men becomes very few men because the “monsters” no longer have a safe space to show their true colours "

This is so true. They even did a study on it and found that very few people would identify themselves as a r*pist, even in an anonymous survey but if they rephrased the question to describe examples of r*pe without actually using the word that significantly more people answered to say they had done it. Most r*pists don't know they're r*pists. I'd put money on it that mine doesn't think he is even though I said no and he pinned me down and forced me. I'm pretty sure that because we were dating he doesn't think of it in that way.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy

i agree with alot of this , but i think the disassociation goes even further than you describe, people don’t even want to realise that they know these men, that the misogynistic behaviour is being perpetuated by their sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, mates, work colleagues and in some cases its even those folk doing the attacks

these people are not born monsters and ostracised from society creeping out of the shadows now and again to harass someone then creeping back , loads of it is happening openly in front of people but society has a blurred line of what language and behaviour is and is not acceptable so it happens right in front of our faces and is passed off as banter , or just hitting on someone , being overly flirty, just a joke. when it comes to entirely legitimate behaviour that inadvertently might make a woman feel unsafe that knowledge is even less known

by disassociating these people and behaviours in our head it creates an us and them , the them are demonised , and it makes it that much harder to recognise the behaviour in our peers because that guy you know “couldn’t possibly be one of them, he can be a bit cheeky sometimes but never as bad as all that”

categorising a person as bad is much harder than recognising some of their behaviour is bad and thats why changing to story to “r*pists, monsters, misogynists, attackers are bad” doesn’t work because not only does nobody want to recognise any of that behaviour in themselves, they also dont want to admit to seeing it in friends so it gets downplayed even further

we need to normalise having conversations with our friends and family about how what behaviour is acceptable has now shifted, without it being interpreted as an attack, we don’t care about the past, we care about the present and the future, we aren’t calling you a monster we are just pointing out that what you just did there is not appropriate in 2021 ... and slowly over time the actions of society changes, and not all men becomes very few men because the “monsters” no longer have a safe space to show their true colours "

I agree.

To pick an easy example of how things can change.

I was abused by a priest in the 80s. It's a harder conversation to have with people because makes people uncomfortable. And if you dig down into any conversation and try to find out how they got away with this, ultimately you get to the point where it was a society wide problem.

The abusers were to blame. The church who enabled them, the lay people who pretended they didnt see things helped perpetuate the cycle, the police who didnt protected the kids, the parishioners who knew priests could be brutal but didnt do anything to stand up, the government who didnt do their job .... they all take a share of blame.

But things have changed. Culturally things have changed.

But you made your points very well

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


" Society and cultures have values that flow back and forth like the tides, always changing, always evolving and sometimes you get your feet wet..

i have literally no idea what that means in this context- if its just accept sometimes culture wont go your way then no i disagree, its not a tide that we have no control over , as acollective we absolutely can influence it - time to build a dam"

Good luck with that one. I will stick to my sharks and crocodiles..

#notme

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Its human nature to be defensive.

No one wants to be associated with the worst behaviours of their gender, class, religion, sport, social club.

And obviously the people who perpetrate the bad behaviour dont want to be associated with the bad behaviour.

That's also human nature.

And guess what. It's also human nature to lump groups of people together because that way you are protecting yourself more efficiently. So women who have had bad experiences lump all men together even though they dont actually mean all men.

And men will always complain about all women being such and such even though they dont mean every woman.

This is and always has been human nature. The only way out is for us to all realise that a) they are not talking about me so it's ok and b) if they exclude me for other peoples behaviour then the loss is theirs. And c) they them excluding you is self protection and everyone needs to feel safe in order to feel happy

i agree with alot of this , but i think the disassociation goes even further than you describe, people don’t even want to realise that they know these men, that the misogynistic behaviour is being perpetuated by their sons, brothers, husbands, fathers, mates, work colleagues and in some cases its even those folk doing the attacks

these people are not born monsters and ostracised from society creeping out of the shadows now and again to harass someone then creeping back , loads of it is happening openly in front of people but society has a blurred line of what language and behaviour is and is not acceptable so it happens right in front of our faces and is passed off as banter , or just hitting on someone , being overly flirty, just a joke. when it comes to entirely legitimate behaviour that inadvertently might make a woman feel unsafe that knowledge is even less known

by disassociating these people and behaviours in our head it creates an us and them , the them are demonised , and it makes it that much harder to recognise the behaviour in our peers because that guy you know “couldn’t possibly be one of them, he can be a bit cheeky sometimes but never as bad as all that”

categorising a person as bad is much harder than recognising some of their behaviour is bad and thats why changing to story to “r*pists, monsters, misogynists, attackers are bad” doesn’t work because not only does nobody want to recognise any of that behaviour in themselves, they also dont want to admit to seeing it in friends so it gets downplayed even further

we need to normalise having conversations with our friends and family about how what behaviour is acceptable has now shifted, without it being interpreted as an attack, we don’t care about the past, we care about the present and the future, we aren’t calling you a monster we are just pointing out that what you just did there is not appropriate in 2021 ... and slowly over time the actions of society changes, and not all men becomes very few men because the “monsters” no longer have a safe space to show their true colours

This is so true. They even did a study on it and found that very few people would identify themselves as a r*pist, even in an anonymous survey but if they rephrased the question to describe examples of r*pe without actually using the word that significantly more people answered to say they had done it. Most r*pists don't know they're r*pists. I'd put money on it that mine doesn't think he is even though I said no and he pinned me down and forced me. I'm pretty sure that because we were dating he doesn't think of it in that way. "

I’m so sorry

I hear you, and I have similar stories too

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford

But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I’m so sorry

I hear you, and I have similar stories too "

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this too. Or that anyone has.

I'm trying to find a balance between self care and talking about it to help shine a light on things.

Obviously there is vulnerability when this happens to you and even saying that we have experienced this, we leave ourselves open to pain.

But the fact that I know I'm not alone is a comfort so thank you

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme"

what i wonder is , if it’s not you and you can accept it’s not you people are talking about, and at the same time you don’t want to be part of a solution for anyone else and would rather as you say stick to your crocodiles and sharks ... why even drop in with #notme

what has that achieved, except detract from the point just as much as #notallmen

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's not rocket science.

Lu

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By * Sophie xTV/TS  over a year ago

Derby


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

Keys used in this way are for self defence and if this ever made it to court then they are seen as a weapon of offence only and the circumstances would be taken I to account as to why they were used and held in this way.

It is absolutely not the same as going equipped with say a knife which is an offensive weapon which would then be seen as going with intent to harm.

Very different scenarios indeed and any judge would see it that way.

To argue that a normally innocent item is classed as the same as an offensive weapon is sheer stupidity, to profess they are the same is you spoiling for an argument.

No. But I know the law"

Clearly not....you are able to use anything to hand even if it is on your hand for self defence and a key would be just such an item.

If you used it to attack then that would be another matter entirely.

To even hint that holding an item in preparedness for self defence would be seen as going with intent to harm then you are very much mistaken. Any item used in self defence is not seen as an offensive weapon unless it is used to attack in the first instance and as long as the defence is in proportion to the attack.

Would you tell your daughter who when walking through a known bad area not to hold a key in her hand 'just in case' and that it is better to wait until attacked to finally get it out of her bag or would you tell her to be prepared. Law is often shrouded in common sense too.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme"

It's a mess tom.

You are not responsible for all mens behaviour. And you dont represent all men.

It's not wrong of you to defend yourself from accusations but dont get into what about ism.

The internet is full of people who defend themselves by attacking the other side. And that's not healthy

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

Keys used in this way are for self defence and if this ever made it to court then they are seen as a weapon of offence only and the circumstances would be taken I to account as to why they were used and held in this way.

It is absolutely not the same as going equipped with say a knife which is an offensive weapon which would then be seen as going with intent to harm.

Very different scenarios indeed and any judge would see it that way.

To argue that a normally innocent item is classed as the same as an offensive weapon is sheer stupidity, to profess they are the same is you spoiling for an argument.

No. But I know the law

Clearly not....you are able to use anything to hand even if it is on your hand for self defence and a key would be just such an item.

If you used it to attack then that would be another matter entirely.

To even hint that holding an item in preparedness for self defence would be seen as going with intent to harm then you are very much mistaken. Any item used in self defence is not seen as an offensive weapon unless it is used to attack in the first instance and as long as the defence is in proportion to the attack.

Would you tell your daughter who when walking through a known bad area not to hold a key in her hand 'just in case' and that it is better to wait until attacked to finally get it out of her bag or would you tell her to be prepared. Law is often shrouded in common sense too."

Interesting to see how this thread about gender politics and derailing tactics has been derailed

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"It shouldnt just be aimed at men. Women abuse and harass too. I take my personel safety very seriously i walk with keys in hand cross the road if someone looks dodgy etc but cos im a man i dont get the same treatment as women. Sad really as regardless of gender lots of folk are afraid to walk the streets and take personel safety very seriously

yes some women do abuse and harass too, not at the same rate but it does happen, however thats not the discussion currently being had so again its just deflection from the issue at hand

its like someone collecting for cancer at the supermarket door snd you shouting at them heart disease exists too

honest question, when you walk the street with keys in your hand and are a little afraid, who do you worry might attack you, because if its men then it seems daft that you want to detract from a conversation that if it created a positive out come , it would also benefit you

If anybody, male or female carries keys in their hands with intent to cause injury to another then I am sorry but you are carrying an offensive weapon..

You will find men and women do this for self defence and as a last resort to use if you were to be attacked. They DONT go out with the intention to harm anyone as a law abiding citizean

If the keys are between your knuckles then try proving there is no intent.. good luck with that one..

Keys used in this way are for self defence and if this ever made it to court then they are seen as a weapon of offence only and the circumstances would be taken I to account as to why they were used and held in this way.

It is absolutely not the same as going equipped with say a knife which is an offensive weapon which would then be seen as going with intent to harm.

Very different scenarios indeed and any judge would see it that way.

To argue that a normally innocent item is classed as the same as an offensive weapon is sheer stupidity, to profess they are the same is you spoiling for an argument.

No. But I know the law

Clearly not....you are able to use anything to hand even if it is on your hand for self defence and a key would be just such an item.

If you used it to attack then that would be another matter entirely.

To even hint that holding an item in preparedness for self defence would be seen as going with intent to harm then you are very much mistaken. Any item used in self defence is not seen as an offensive weapon unless it is used to attack in the first instance and as long as the defence is in proportion to the attack.

Would you tell your daughter who when walking through a known bad area not to hold a key in her hand 'just in case' and that it is better to wait until attacked to finally get it out of her bag or would you tell her to be prepared. Law is often shrouded in common sense too."

Tell that one to the judge too..

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By *ssex_tomMan  over a year ago

Chelmsford


"But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme

It's a mess tom.

You are not responsible for all mens behaviour. And you dont represent all men.

It's not wrong of you to defend yourself from accusations but dont get into what about ism.

The internet is full of people who defend themselves by attacking the other side. And that's not healthy"

I attack nobody.

But I know a witch hut when I see one however many witches there are

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By *rightonsteveMan  over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

The End

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme

what i wonder is , if it’s not you and you can accept it’s not you people are talking about, and at the same time you don’t want to be part of a solution for anyone else and would rather as you say stick to your crocodiles and sharks ... why even drop in with #notme

what has that achieved, except detract from the point just as much as #notallmen

"

to expand on this ... if there was a robbery in the local area and you didn’t do it, and you had no useful information on it ... it would be considered silly and a waste of time to pop down the police station and say btw i know you weren’t suggesting it was me and it wasn’t me but here is my alibi anyway and oh no i don’t have any information to help you solve it either

but in the same vein #notallmen and #notme seem like a totally normal thing to do

if its not you and you don’t want to get involved that is 100% your prerogative , but maybe just leave the people that do want to do something about it, to get on with that then

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By *ea monkeyMan  over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)


"But all thought provoking nevertheless..

I won't use #notallmen

Will just use #notme

what i wonder is , if it’s not you and you can accept it’s not you people are talking about, and at the same time you don’t want to be part of a solution for anyone else and would rather as you say stick to your crocodiles and sharks ... why even drop in with #notme

what has that achieved, except detract from the point just as much as #notallmen

"

I don’t understand, why would someone not want to be part of the solution?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

on the witch hunt comment - the irony there is every single women burned for being a witch was falsely accused

witches don’t exist - misogynists do

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

not sure mr _ea monkey, but in response to its time for things to change he said “good luck with that i will stick with my crocodiles and sharks”

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