FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What's the point of self-awareness?
What's the point of self-awareness?
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The thread on attachment got me thinking unusually deeply for this time on a Saturday morning...
Some posters took attachment theory very seriously, others dismissed it as it can't be measured, and others said they weren't interested cos they were fine. I'm paraphrasing, obviously!
There are many different schools of thought in human psychology. Very few of them are entirely measurable. Does that mean they have no value?
If we go through a process of counselling or self-discovery, what do we do with that information? Do we try to "fix" the parts of us we don't like, or which we don't think are "normal"? Or is having more self-awareness useful in itself? Is this knowledge only valuable if we have a particular difficulty, or is it valuable for everyone, even those of us who think we are fine and dandy and well-adjusted?
Muse away, my fellow navel gazers!
Mrs kf x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living...we all hold a deeply personal truth inside us..isn’t that worth knowing? Might it help us in times of adversity? Isn’t useful to know what your emotional needs are? Great question op  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of big questions, OP !
I think self awareness is generally a good thing but it can easily cross over into excessive self criticism and self doubt.
Self-acceptance would be my ideal, seeking improvement where possible while understanding that some things in our mind and body cannot be changed or 'fixed'. A modern take on stoicism if you like. Darren Brown wrote an interesting book called 'Happy' along these lines. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
great question.
I think of a factor of it is to learn how to be kind to yourself, support and understand yourself and your needs, to accept the people in your life and also be grateful for everything around you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess the point of self-awareness will be slightly different for everyone.
I see it as discovering what your weak/bad/unsavoury habits/characteristics are and leaning how to control and live with them to some extent.
You can't really fix them can you? It's understanding what the signs are and then putting measures in place to make sure it doesn't manifest itself as something that could be destructive (whether that's to you or others).
And also remembering the big picture - none of this really matters one hoot anyway. |
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There's a point in my opinion, where self awareness becomes self obsession. I think as long as one stays on the right side of that it can be useful to become more self aware to prevent making the same mistake over and over for instance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess the point of self-awareness will be slightly different for everyone.
I see it as discovering what your weak/bad/unsavoury habits/characteristics are and leaning how to control and live with them to some extent.
You can't really fix them can you? It's understanding what the signs are and then putting measures in place to make sure it doesn't manifest itself as something that could be destructive (whether that's to you or others).
And also remembering the big picture - none of this really matters one hoot anyway. "
Is this your first serious answer on the forums ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I spend a lot of time on self awareness.
For me, it’s not about fixing myself or changing myself, as there is nothing wrong with me(or anyone), but there are times when we can change a thought process/pattern or a behaviour.
By looking and listening to my thoughts and triggers, and taking time to observe them, and the place that they come from. This might be, how old do I feel when I’m sitting with that emotion, if that makes sense?
When I’m observing that emotion, I watch what arises, whether it’s a different and unexpected emotion, or a memory, which might point to where this trigger originated?
Wow, that was a ramble  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
II’m aware of my faults, but I am unwilling, at this point in time, to work on healing them. Being aware of them helps me to rationalise my behaviour but often at a cost to myself (usually in romantic relationships). Which is the price I pay for not working on them. Because they don’t impact me day to day, they get forgotten until the next time it happens.
Instead I take the mindset of “the right man will know how to handle me”.
Which is probably why I’m still single. |
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"I guess the point of self-awareness will be slightly different for everyone.
I see it as discovering what your weak/bad/unsavoury habits/characteristics are and leaning how to control and live with them to some extent.
You can't really fix them can you? It's understanding what the signs are and then putting measures in place to make sure it doesn't manifest itself as something that could be destructive (whether that's to you or others).
And also remembering the big picture - none of this really matters one hoot anyway. "
I think this is a good way of explaining it. Not being so self absorbed that you don't realise the effect you have on other people, positively or negatively. Or conversely, being so blasé that the effect is the same... |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
" I spend a lot of time on self awareness.
For me, it’s not about fixing myself or changing myself, as there is nothing wrong with me(or anyone), but there are times when we can change a thought process/pattern or a behaviour.
By looking and listening to my thoughts and triggers, and taking time to observe them, and the place that they come from. This might be, how old do I feel when I’m sitting with that emotion, if that makes sense?
When I’m observing that emotion, I watch what arises, whether it’s a different and unexpected emotion, or a memory, which might point to where this trigger originated?
Wow, that was a ramble "
Well said, I don't have much else to say. I'm spiritual and to me it helps with my inner-growth and evolution of both my spirituality and the way I grow and responde to the world. It helps get a better undertsanding of how I react to the world. But deeper then that, becoming self aware and having that time to meditate helps me be connected with my higher-self. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
The gods were discussing “the mean of human life”, some said, put it at the bottom of the deepest ocean, others said on top of the highest mountain, both were dismissed as humans were inquisitive and would find it.
They pondered for days until a little god at the back said, ‘put it inside them, they will never find it there’. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
An interesting thought process OP!
Personally I think that self awareness is a huge part of my life, the question “why?” is a big part of my psyche, not just for myself but for others.
Understanding my motivations, reasons and biases helps me to better myself, remove prejudices, make my life better and improve empathy.
I think that if I’m not improving myself and trying to look at things in a new way, identify faults or failings (even if I don’t think they are on first review) then I feel like I’m going backwards and atrophying.
I realise that perhaps I’m an extreme case and that others won’t see things as I do (and probably judge me for it) but I feel that it keeps me honest, ethical and my motives clearer than the ‘it’s not broke’ line of thought. Because how would you know if it was? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ok this is deep for a Saturday morning but having gone through some stuff I'll offer my thoughts....For me it's about proportionality; If I understand why I respond and react in the way I do I can more easily step back and challenge myself. I've realised how bent out of shape I would get over stuff that either really didn't matter or I couldn't change anyway. Conversley that makes it easier to find and focus on the things that do matter and that I can change, hence being here !!!!! |
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"Live my best possible life, be free from my past trauma and the baggage that brings."
That sounds like it weighs heavy, swing. Do you think it's ever possible to be free of it? Or is it a process of dealing with it? X |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"The difficult thing about self awareness is most of us think we have it but if you lack it, you lack the ability to judge how self aware you are. "
Agreed. I think that quite often our self awareness is somewhat limited - we lean into our confirmation biases that suggest we are one particular way and don't readily listen to things that would suggest we are different. In turn that can lead to us focusing on working on certain emotions, behaviours and responses and not being aware of others that people might have to deal with.
That's when I think being "self aware" can be problematic because it's not true self awareness, more a rosy coloured tint on a navel gazing world that serves no one, least of all yourself.
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"Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living...we all hold a deeply personal truth inside us..isn’t that worth knowing? Might it help us in times of adversity? Isn’t useful to know what your emotional needs are? Great question op "
Thanks! I tend to agree. Knowledge is power, to my mind. |
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"The gods were discussing “the mean of human life”, some said, put it at the bottom of the deepest ocean, others said on top of the highest mountain, both were dismissed as humans were inquisitive and would find it.
They pondered for days until a little god at the back said, ‘put it inside them, they will never find it there’."
Or on a fab profile said another ....... |
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly."
Beaten to it above I now see. Must grapple more attentively. |
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"Live my best possible life, be free from my past trauma and the baggage that brings.
That sounds like it weighs heavy, swing. Do you think it's ever possible to be free of it? Or is it a process of dealing with it? X"
It's a process, probably lifelong. And like Meli said, it's easy to get complacent.
But it's better than not doing it. |
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"A lot of big questions, OP !
I think self awareness is generally a good thing but it can easily cross over into excessive self criticism and self doubt.
Self-acceptance would be my ideal, seeking improvement where possible while understanding that some things in our mind and body cannot be changed or 'fixed'. A modern take on stoicism if you like. Darren Brown wrote an interesting book called 'Happy' along these lines. "
IKR Sounds interesting! And yes, if it becomes a process of beating yourself up that's good for no-one. |
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"great question.
I think of a factor of it is to learn how to be kind to yourself, support and understand yourself and your needs, to accept the people in your life and also be grateful for everything around you."
Goodness, that sounds like the ideal! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fir me self awareness, is about me catching my negative thinking and behaviors, before they get out of hand leading to self destructive negative loops of self defeating shit that I can do to myself...
Using it fir self improvement....all well n good having the awareness its about applying it and maintaining it...otherwise its useless having it
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"I guess the point of self-awareness will be slightly different for everyone.
I see it as discovering what your weak/bad/unsavoury habits/characteristics are and leaning how to control and live with them to some extent.
You can't really fix them can you? It's understanding what the signs are and then putting measures in place to make sure it doesn't manifest itself as something that could be destructive (whether that's to you or others).
And also remembering the big picture - none of this really matters one hoot anyway. "
Interesting take. What about discovering your strengths? Who defines aspects of your personality as bad or unsavoury?
I have to disagree about it not mattering. I think we all impact on others, whether we're aware of it or not |
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"There's a point in my opinion, where self awareness becomes self obsession. I think as long as one stays on the right side of that it can be useful to become more self aware to prevent making the same mistake over and over for instance."
How do we know where that point is? |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"The gods were discussing “the mean of human life”, some said, put it at the bottom of the deepest ocean, others said on top of the highest mountain, both were dismissed as humans were inquisitive and would find it.
They pondered for days until a little god at the back said, ‘put it inside them, they will never find it there’.
Or on a fab profile said another ....... "
Naaa got to give humans half a chance or they would get bored. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having studied counselling, I'd say self awareness has given me the inner strength I never knew I had.
The answers are there, you just need to be open and honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, then who?
It's like a domino effect, leading to more self acceptance and of things that you cannot change around you.
I'd say it is a very valuable tool when used correctly xx |
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" I spend a lot of time on self awareness.
For me, it’s not about fixing myself or changing myself, as there is nothing wrong with me(or anyone), but there are times when we can change a thought process/pattern or a behaviour.
By looking and listening to my thoughts and triggers, and taking time to observe them, and the place that they come from. This might be, how old do I feel when I’m sitting with that emotion, if that makes sense?
When I’m observing that emotion, I watch what arises, whether it’s a different and unexpected emotion, or a memory, which might point to where this trigger originated?
Wow, that was a ramble "
Sounds like a form of mindfulness? Is your ultimate aim self improvement? |
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly."
It's a tough one certainly, and, as has been mentioned, some costs and potential dangers arise in that examination.
I have to admit, I do tend to avoid examining myself too closely, as I'm not too enamoured of what I see there. |
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
It's a tough one certainly, and, as has been mentioned, some costs and potential dangers arise in that examination.
I have to admit, I do tend to avoid examining myself too closely, as I'm not too enamoured of what I see there.
"
Think I'll just pop over to the "What are your Saturday night plans" thread, it's a bit easier, less uncomfortable!
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly."
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
"
It doesn't sound like they had good counselling. It should be more about accepting. Yeah, tackle the issues but it's more about finding your strength to move forward instead of blaming others or recriminations |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess the point of self-awareness will be slightly different for everyone.
I see it as discovering what your weak/bad/unsavoury habits/characteristics are and leaning how to control and live with them to some extent.
You can't really fix them can you? It's understanding what the signs are and then putting measures in place to make sure it doesn't manifest itself as something that could be destructive (whether that's to you or others).
And also remembering the big picture - none of this really matters one hoot anyway.
Is this your first serious answer on the forums ? "
I did one ages ago. It was a bit like when Status Quo did Pictures of Matchstick Men back in the 60s and then redefined themselves.
I just do crowd pleasers now like Marguerita Time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The concept of self Awareness is about learning to better understand why you feel the way you feel, or do the things you do..if you get a handle on this then change can be implemented in your life around the things you don't like |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been told i am very self aware, but I didn't used to be... I had a traumatic childhood and reactionary 20s +30s, filled with jealousies. It was exhausting
In my 30s i started to look at things differently and consider how the outcome might have beeen changed if i had changed MY actions. It was enlightening and impactful on people around me who also then took a different path. My life became much less drama filled and calmer
I mentor work colleagues who are struggling with various challenges - usually personal interactions and getting the project over the line - we've had some great results.. But it's hard work and it is hard for people to really look at themselves and acknowledge the bad as well as the good things - we very easily return to our engrained uncon.scious bias
Personally i feel myself grow as a person everytime i reflect. It's also helped me through some sad and dark times
It is one of my favourite things, i find it fascinating
Always remember, you can't control the other person or their reaction.. But you can control yourself and your reactions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" I spend a lot of time on self awareness.
For me, it’s not about fixing myself or changing myself, as there is nothing wrong with me(or anyone), but there are times when we can change a thought process/pattern or a behaviour.
By looking and listening to my thoughts and triggers, and taking time to observe them, and the place that they come from. This might be, how old do I feel when I’m sitting with that emotion, if that makes sense?
When I’m observing that emotion, I watch what arises, whether it’s a different and unexpected emotion, or a memory, which might point to where this trigger originated?
Wow, that was a ramble
Sounds like a form of mindfulness? Is your ultimate aim self improvement? "
Yes, it’s about self improvement for me. If observing my thoughts and emotions can lead to a greater understanding of myself, then that’s a positive thing.
It doesn’t have to be a really serious, obsessive thing, as someone said upthread, it’s also about just being, being in the moment and enjoying life, but it is useful for working through past experiences which have affected me negatively. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been told i am very self aware, but I didn't used to be... I had a traumatic childhood and reactionary 20s +30s, filled with jealousies. It was exhausting
In my 30s i started to look at things differently and consider how the outcome might have beeen changed if i had changed MY actions. It was enlightening and impactful on people around me who also then took a different path. My life became much less drama filled and calmer
I mentor work colleagues who are struggling with various challenges - usually personal interactions and getting the project over the line - we've had some great results.. But it's hard work and it is hard for people to really look at themselves and acknowledge the bad as well as the good things - we very easily return to our engrained uncon.scious bias
Personally i feel myself grow as a person everytime i reflect. It's also helped me through some sad and dark times
It is one of my favourite things, i find it fascinating
Always remember, you can't control the other person or their reaction.. But you can control yourself and your reactions"
Love this  . You word it very well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been told i am very self aware, but I didn't used to be... I had a traumatic childhood and reactionary 20s +30s, filled with jealousies. It was exhausting
In my 30s i started to look at things differently and consider how the outcome might have beeen changed if i had changed MY actions. It was enlightening and impactful on people around me who also then took a different path. My life became much less drama filled and calmer
I mentor work colleagues who are struggling with various challenges - usually personal interactions and getting the project over the line - we've had some great results.. But it's hard work and it is hard for people to really look at themselves and acknowledge the bad as well as the good things - we very easily return to our engrained uncon.scious bias
Personally i feel myself grow as a person everytime i reflect. It's also helped me through some sad and dark times
It is one of my favourite things, i find it fascinating
Always remember, you can't control the other person or their reaction.. But you can control yourself and your reactions"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Having studied counselling, I'd say self awareness has given me the inner strength I never knew I had.
The answers are there, you just need to be open and honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, then who?
It's like a domino effect, leading to more self acceptance and of things that you cannot change around you.
I'd say it is a very valuable tool when used correctly xx "
It is the key to resilience i think x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Having studied counselling, I'd say self awareness has given me the inner strength I never knew I had.
The answers are there, you just need to be open and honest with yourself. If you can't be honest with yourself, then who?
It's like a domino effect, leading to more self acceptance and of things that you cannot change around you.
I'd say it is a very valuable tool when used correctly xx "
Yes exactly this |
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
It doesn't sound like they had good counselling. It should be more about accepting. Yeah, tackle the issues but it's more about finding your strength to move forward instead of blaming others or recriminations "
Maybe you are right but the change in this relative is quite scary...... she now has a 'vocabulary' which she uses as ammunition against all........ and I mean all. No logic or reason just accusation. Mind you that was in her personality before the counselling .... now she just weaponises it.
Talk about 'a little learning' being dangerous. |
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
I think self-awareness is a skill, as others have said, and can be used to help you enjoy life more; succeed, whatever that means to you. I do also think it can lead to self-acceptance, and also unhelpful self-criticism. It's a fascinating subject, thanks for the thread, OP. |
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I think sometimes looking to this or that theory can distract from your own self awareness. I've got to the point in life I know my strengths and weaknesses pretty well and where they originate from. This has been done by myself and a shit tonne of paper whilst writing it all down. I understand me and accept how life has made me me. I now recognise my own triggers and how to either accept or challenge them.
|
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
It doesn't sound like they had good counselling. It should be more about accepting. Yeah, tackle the issues but it's more about finding your strength to move forward instead of blaming others or recriminations
Maybe you are right but the change in this relative is quite scary...... she now has a 'vocabulary' which she uses as ammunition against all........ and I mean all. No logic or reason just accusation. Mind you that was in her personality before the counselling .... now she just weaponises it.
Talk about 'a little learning' being dangerous. "
I have heard mental health professionals discuss how abusers can actually get better at abuse through counselling. They know the terminology and better understand the mechanisms so are able to apply them more subtly. It is definitely something to be borne in mind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think sometimes looking to this or that theory can distract from your own self awareness. I've got to the point in life I know my strengths and weaknesses pretty well and where they originate from. This has been done by myself and a shit tonne of paper whilst writing it all down. I understand me and accept how life has made me me. I now recognise my own triggers and how to either accept or challenge them.
"
Sounds like the best route to self awareness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
It doesn't sound like they had good counselling. It should be more about accepting. Yeah, tackle the issues but it's more about finding your strength to move forward instead of blaming others or recriminations
Maybe you are right but the change in this relative is quite scary...... she now has a 'vocabulary' which she uses as ammunition against all........ and I mean all. No logic or reason just accusation. Mind you that was in her personality before the counselling .... now she just weaponises it.
Talk about 'a little learning' being dangerous.
I have heard mental health professionals discuss how abusers can actually get better at abuse through counselling. They know the terminology and better understand the mechanisms so are able to apply them more subtly. It is definitely something to be borne in mind."
This is about power and happens in all helping relationships sadly...that’s why ethics is so important |
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"
I have heard mental health professionals discuss how abusers can actually get better at abuse through counselling. They know the terminology and better understand the mechanisms so are able to apply them more subtly. It is definitely something to be borne in mind."
I've certainly seen a rise in deflected victimhood. It's a thing, culturally, and it's gross. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am acutely self aware
I wouldn't want therapy for it
I feel it would break me down and, despite ALL my faults (they are numerous), I like me, I am comfortable with me and others seem to like me too
I see things now that I never recognised in myself when I was younger
Maturity and self assurance rocks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am acutely self aware
I wouldn't want therapy for it
I feel it would break me down and, despite ALL my faults (they are numerous), I like me, I am comfortable with me and others seem to like me too
I see things now that I never recognised in myself when I was younger
Maturity and self assurance rocks "
Great to read if you like yourself you’re hardly likely to need therapy...keep it up! |
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing "
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Nice to see the forum grappling with the heavyweight questions that have preoccupied mankind for millenia.
"The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates
It's a point of view, certainly.
Never ceases to puzzle me why people think that because a well quoted bloke from many millennia ago said something - then it must be so ......
He chose a fairly senseless death... great at arguing not so good at philosophising.
Maybe he should have lived in the moment rather than agonising over minutiae most of which had passed...
I do see the point in psychology - in the right hands. It's a science - sometimes subjectively problematic and in the wrong hands/minds can be self destructive.
I have a family member who went to see a counsellor ....... I don't know if it helped or not ......but now EVERYONE is an abuser, a narcissist, has attachement problems .... is the fucking victim of something.
When living a life shit happens.... and you learn from it..... There quote that in a swingers forum when i'm dead and put my monika after it ...... ta.
It doesn't sound like they had good counselling. It should be more about accepting. Yeah, tackle the issues but it's more about finding your strength to move forward instead of blaming others or recriminations
Maybe you are right but the change in this relative is quite scary...... she now has a 'vocabulary' which she uses as ammunition against all........ and I mean all. No logic or reason just accusation. Mind you that was in her personality before the counselling .... now she just weaponises it.
Talk about 'a little learning' being dangerous. "
In my experience, counselling is there to give a person the tools to deal with issues and personal problems. It’s a way for a person to cope, not to attack others.
It sounds like this family member didn’t get anything useful from counselling |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Age and experience is what teaches you self-awareness. Until you find that, your perception of yourself is defined by what others tell you and how they perceive you. Self acceptance enables self awareness and when you finally find this, it's a great thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it. "
Yes, that’s true, but it’s helped me to appreciate my positive traits more. |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
"So I have a question for you all, how do you learn this self awareness "
Different for everybody, some people have to go through darker times and start looking inward.
For me I was brought up with spiritual ideas and I traveled and spent time with great teachers. |
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it.
Yes, that’s true, but it’s helped me to appreciate my positive traits more. "
Get in Fallen chuffed for you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it.
Yes, that’s true, but it’s helped me to appreciate my positive traits more.
Get in Fallen chuffed for you "
Thank you . Work in progress, but in a good way |
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"I am acutely self aware
I wouldn't want therapy for it
I feel it would break me down and, despite ALL my faults (they are numerous), I like me, I am comfortable with me and others seem to like me too
I see things now that I never recognised in myself when I was younger
Maturity and self assurance rocks "
I think it's different for different people. I needed the therapy - not everyone does. |
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it.
Yes, that’s true, but it’s helped me to appreciate my positive traits more.
Get in Fallen chuffed for you
Thank you . Work in progress, but in a good way "
Think everyone is a work in progress until we snuff it. I never want to stop learning and improving |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am acutely self aware
I wouldn't want therapy for it
I feel it would break me down and, despite ALL my faults (they are numerous), I like me, I am comfortable with me and others seem to like me too
I see things now that I never recognised in myself when I was younger
Maturity and self assurance rocks
I think it's different for different people. I needed the therapy - not everyone does."
Totally
I wasn't disputing the usefulness of therapy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I should add, that the work I’ve done has helped me to see myself more clearly, and to love myself, for who and what I am (nearly all the time), so that’s a good thing
We all have moments of not loving ourselves regardless if we're self aware or not. That's human nature to find fault and to criticize one self. Think that's the thing to accept oneself is hard work and there's no right or wrong way to achieve it.
Yes, that’s true, but it’s helped me to appreciate my positive traits more.
Get in Fallen chuffed for you
Thank you . Work in progress, but in a good way
Think everyone is a work in progress until we snuff it. I never want to stop learning and improving "
Same here. |
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Self awareness is only a good thing if you use it to make yours or someone else’s life better. There are too many people who are self aware and use it as an excuse to carry on behaving in a way that impacts others negatively but excuse it because of an ’you know what I’m like’ attitude. I am now far more self aware of how I react to certain situations and rather than take it out on those around me I choose to take a step back and ask myself if that is a reasonable response.
After my divorce I took all the blame for everything that went wrong, it’s taken me years of digging and self discovery to become self aware of how I let certain things happen and what made me accept the responsibility for it all. That awareness has made a huge difference to my current marriage and if I ever feel myself displaying those same behaviours I am now able to talk to my husband about it and make sure they change.
The biggest thing about self awareness for me tho is not only about ones self but about how you start to see others. Once you really understand your own behaviours/triggers/needs you can start to see through others and it’s much easier to show empathy in more difficult situations. Not to condone or put up with but to be able to find better ways of dealing with someone else’s behaviours.
Sorry that was a lot lol, hope it makes sense. It’s something I actually feel very passionately about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of big questions, OP !
I think self awareness is generally a good thing but it can easily cross over into excessive self criticism and self doubt.
Self-acceptance would be my ideal, seeking improvement where possible while understanding that some things in our mind and body cannot be changed or 'fixed'. A modern take on stoicism if you like. Darren Brown wrote an interesting book called 'Happy' along these lines. "
Thabks for the reminder. Saw this mentioned the other week and forgot to look it up. |
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