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Safe words...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In the light of recent D/s threads, I thought it would be Interesting to talk about safe words.
Do you have them? If you don’t, why not? Do you stick with the widely used traffic light system?
Have you had to use them? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"DJGEWIGHFJSJSJFUOEEJSJGJGKWQ...
Is my standard safe word  "
You missed the "Y" off the end again Fucknugget.
Remember what happened last time you made that mistake  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required? |
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?"
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling. |
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?"
We use it for wax and temperature play and he uses it if he needs a break |
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?"
Absolutely. It comes in handy as an "I'm not joking about anymore, I've had enough". Prevents arguments, there's clear boundaries, which I think is important in any relationship. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond |
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
This is me I go mute or just incoherent when I'm in sub space. But I have tells that M knows. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"DJGEWIGHFJSJSJFUOEEJSJGJGKWQ...
Is my standard safe word
You missed the "Y" off the end again Fucknugget.
Remember what happened last time you made that mistake
I apologised didnt I   "
Yeah but I wasn't sorry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling. "
Ahhh that's interesting, I'll definitely need to keep that in mind, especially when trying new things. I thought discussing it beforehand would be sufficient and if she was uncomfortable, she would just say "no" and we would move onto something else  |
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"DJGEWIGHFJSJSJFUOEEJSJGJGKWQ...
Is my standard safe word
You missed the "Y" off the end again Fucknugget.
Remember what happened last time you made that mistake
I apologised didnt I
Yeah but I wasn't sorry "
Outrageous you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
We use it for wax and temperature play and he uses it if he needs a break "
That's fair enough, I guess with anything where your limits are being pushed it's a really good thing to have if you do need a break. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
Absolutely. It comes in handy as an "I'm not joking about anymore, I've had enough". Prevents arguments, there's clear boundaries, which I think is important in any relationship. "
Definitely, I mentioned in another reply about discussing it beforehand but I realise it can easily change in the heat of the moment which is why it can be really useful if you're not feeling it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
This is me I go mute or just incoherent when I'm in sub space. But I have tells that M knows. "
I do see what you’re saying, but there are times when it can be useful.
I’ve only used my safe word once (yellow), because I was taking 65 strokes, and I reached my limit and had to have a pause, otherwise, he knows me so well, and he knows my reactions, and I have complete trust in him.
When we started out though, and he hadn’t learnt me, they were useful to have in place.
For both our safety. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
RACK?
Never had a safe word. If I don't trust them I won't be doing anything that requires one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
I am an experienced sub and had a safe word.
It is down to the dom and sub to decide what works for them.
Saying they are for people who shouldnt be doing bdsm is a load of tosh in my opinion.
There are so many different types of dom/sub relationships it isnt as simple as "this is what works for me so this is how we do things" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
I am an experienced sub and had a safe word.
It is down to the dom and sub to decide what works for them.
Saying they are for people who shouldnt be doing bdsm is a load of tosh in my opinion.
There are so many different types of dom/sub relationships it isnt as simple as "this is what works for me so this is how we do things""
Sorry *was* a sub, I am much more dom now and I will listen to what my sub wants and if a safe word is what makes them comfortable then so be it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling. "
Or people could just say stop that because I don't like it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling.
Or people could just say stop that because I don't like it"
I can say stop many times in a sub position but not mean it.
It just comes out "stop stop stop no wait carryon" when pleasure gets very intense.
A safe words works well at these times as it means "STOP!" |
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
This is me I go mute or just incoherent when I'm in sub space. But I have tells that M knows.
I do see what you’re saying, but there are times when it can be useful.
I’ve only used my safe word once (yellow), because I was taking 65 strokes, and I reached my limit and had to have a pause, otherwise, he knows me so well, and he knows my reactions, and I have complete trust in him.
When we started out though, and he hadn’t learnt me, they were useful to have in place.
For both our safety. "
I think it's a good discussion to have. What works for you may not work for me and that's all good. It's important to have a safety net. I have a non verbal tell that M can guage where I'm at. Just because a safe word has been discussed it's still a Dom's job to assess the subs ability to use it. And a subs job to say if they have issues like I do. I tell everyone we meet that this happens and then we can discuss how to proceed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling.
Or people could just say stop that because I don't like it
I can say stop many times in a sub position but not mean it.
It just comes out "stop stop stop no wait carryon" when pleasure gets very intense.
A safe words works well at these times as it means "STOP!""
I was referring to the part about vanilla situations |
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling.
Or people could just say stop that because I don't like it"
I was talking about traffic light system, so it's green, amber and red. I answered how it would work in a vanilla situation. Stop for some people isn't appropriate because it doesn't always mean stop. |
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"I've never really spoken about using one as I've never really thought I've been in a situation where one is needed.
Would you say safe words are needed even in vanilla situations and if not, where would the line be where it would be required?
I think they definitely can be used in a vanilla situation. Say you're trying something new for example anal, you could definitely use the traffic light system to explain how it's going without a lengthy discussion, which can be a mood killer. The line? There is no line in my opinion, safe words are essentially a code people use to explain how they are feeling.
Or people could just say stop that because I don't like it
I can say stop many times in a sub position but not mean it.
It just comes out "stop stop stop no wait carryon" when pleasure gets very intense.
A safe words works well at these times as it means "STOP!"
I was referring to the part about vanilla situations "
But why does it matter to you, how a couple explain they want to stop as long as it does? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
This is me I go mute or just incoherent when I'm in sub space. But I have tells that M knows.
I do see what you’re saying, but there are times when it can be useful.
I’ve only used my safe word once (yellow), because I was taking 65 strokes, and I reached my limit and had to have a pause, otherwise, he knows me so well, and he knows my reactions, and I have complete trust in him.
When we started out though, and he hadn’t learnt me, they were useful to have in place.
For both our safety.
I think it's a good discussion to have. What works for you may not work for me and that's all good. It's important to have a safety net. I have a non verbal tell that M can guage where I'm at. Just because a safe word has been discussed it's still a Dom's job to assess the subs ability to use it. And a subs job to say if they have issues like I do. I tell everyone we meet that this happens and then we can discuss how to proceed. "
Agree completely |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
Don’t you just love top trumps.
 |
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We never had one in the past. Always trusted our ability to read each other and just know. However we were watching a travel program a while back and found our safe word (well 2 word phrase). It had us in stitches when we heard it, we both looked at each other and said that'll be the safe word. We have yet to have to use it for real. So far just in jest as part of an in joke in normal conversation. |
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
What a crock, and a dangerous crock at that. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
What a crock, and a dangerous crock at that."
Dangerous is doing BDSM with people you don’t know and following silly bdsm manuals and forums written by people without the slightest bit of common sense of knowledge of risks and emergency first aid..... but to say banana when you pass out and it will all be fine |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
What a crock, and a dangerous crock at that.
Dangerous is doing BDSM with people you don’t know and following silly bdsm manuals and forums written by people without the slightest bit of common sense of knowledge of risks and emergency first aid..... but to say banana when you pass out and it will all be fine "
I can see your point, but I still think there is a time and a place for safe words. When I first started out, we used one because he didn’t know me and my tells. He is an extremely experienced Dom, but I was new to it.
I don’t even think about safe words now, but it’s because we know each other so well. |
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
What a crock, and a dangerous crock at that.
Dangerous is doing BDSM with people you don’t know and following silly bdsm manuals and forums written by people without the slightest bit of common sense of knowledge of risks and emergency first aid..... but to say banana when you pass out and it will all be fine "
I see your point, a safe word isn't a green card to not use common sense. Or to blame a sub if things go too far and say well you didn't use your safe word. But I do think it's a useful tool when used in conjunction with other safety procedures. |
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"I stick to the traffic light. I don't think it's worth the risk of complicating it. I have used it before. Sometimes just because I've needed a wee mid scene . "
But that's the point! You're enjoyment was decreased cos you needed to pee, so stop for a breather, then you can fully enjoy yourself again! |
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"I stick to the traffic light. I don't think it's worth the risk of complicating it. I have used it before. Sometimes just because I've needed a wee mid scene .
But that's the point! You're enjoyment was decreased cos you needed to pee, so stop for a breather, then you can fully enjoy yourself again! "
That's why I used it. To stop so I could go pee. |
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"I stick to the traffic light. I don't think it's worth the risk of complicating it. I have used it before. Sometimes just because I've needed a wee mid scene .
But that's the point! You're enjoyment was decreased cos you needed to pee, so stop for a breather, then you can fully enjoy yourself again!
That's why I used it. To stop so I could go pee."
Gah.. your*
Pissed myself off |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Safe words are awesome if both parties are aware and respect their use
But please think through the risks.. YOU are responsible for your safety at all times
There are people out there who 'play the gane' but decide for whatever reason to ignore the safe word.. What will you do then.. There are some dangerous people about.
A safe word should stop a scene instantly. . But it doesn't always.
Do your vetting, stay safe  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
What a crock, and a dangerous crock at that.
Dangerous is doing BDSM with people you don’t know and following silly bdsm manuals and forums written by people without the slightest bit of common sense of knowledge of risks and emergency first aid..... but to say banana when you pass out and it will all be fine "
Nobody is saying it is the only way to stop.
Nobody is saying they blindly follow the forums.
There is still no harm in using a safe word in certain situations and your lack of even being able to understand this says alot to me about the type of "dom" you clearly think you are.
I was doing BDSM way before I was swinging or reading forums  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We stick to RED as he uses that when playing in the dungeon with others "
We use traffic light system. Green =ok, amber=reaching your limits, red= stop play. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To not have a safe word is often coercion on the part of the one suggesting not to have it and stupidity on the part of the one who agrees with the one suggesting it.
There is enough on the net that shows why you have both a safe word or a safe motion if your practices don't allow voice communication.
Mind you, if anyone put forward that not having a safe word was a good idea to me then I would know that they also were unlikely to stand by that safe word either and like fuck would I allow anything from that point to happen with them, a quick search on Google will show you the woman who almost dies during a suffocation session in a vacuum bag when her domme decides that her safe motion doesn't matter to him.....she survived luckily after almost 7 minutes when she tried to stop it at the 3 minute point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
I respectfully disagree with the spirit of this.
I have been doing things with my wife for 20 years. I know her. I know her tells. I know when shes on the edge, I know when shes lying and just wants to cum meaning she can be pushed a little further. We were using RACK before we knew what RACK was.
But we still use red or orange. It's there just in case. What harm does it do that we have it?
When she's in the zone and words are not exactly coherent, I'm not going to keep hammering away at her ass waiting for a word to slow down or stop.
But its useful for the days when shes maybe not relaxed enough or when the play I have chosen might not sit well with her mindset. Shes omly used orange twice. And red once.
I take my kink very seriously. Consent is burned into my bones. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else that they are doing it wrong so I guess this is why I find offence in what was said by the quoted poster.
BDSM has no right way. If your kink is a little light puppy play or a whiff of orgasm denial or you just love the feel of rubber gloves on your skin, guess what. You are just as full a member of the kink community as I am or as the master and sub who live the lifestyle 24/7. I understand that some people are more committed than others. But their commitment doesnt lessen your sacrifices or it doesnt lessen the community. BDSM is a buffet. And you dont get to choose whether anyone else eats at that buffet or what they get to eat. Even if you are the domliest Dominant and you have a lifetime commitment from a sub, that sub can change its mind at any moment and therefore it chooses ultimately.
I also understand that some people need the validation of being true believers for self esteem and instinctually look down on others making themselves feel better. But remember that I do not consent to you playing games involving me. We are all equal, we just have different roles.
So in short, let others decide their level of commitment to bdsm. If you are all into RACK cool. It doesnt make you better than the bimbo fetish blonde who wants her mouth used as a cock holder. Or the kitten brat who doesnt want to be spanked. Or the rubber doll who gets his rocks off wanking alone into his rubber pants. They are all practicing bdsm too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Safe words are awesome if both parties are aware and respect their use
But please think through the risks.. YOU are responsible for your safety at all times
There are people out there who 'play the gane' but decide for whatever reason to ignore the safe word.. What will you do then.. There are some dangerous people about.
A safe word should stop a scene instantly. . But it doesn't always.
Do your vetting, stay safe "
This exactly^^^^ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
I respectfully disagree with the spirit of this.
I have been doing things with my wife for 20 years. I know her. I know her tells. I know when shes on the edge, I know when shes lying and just wants to cum meaning she can be pushed a little further. We were using RACK before we knew what RACK was.
But we still use red or orange. It's there just in case. What harm does it do that we have it?
When she's in the zone and words are not exactly coherent, I'm not going to keep hammering away at her ass waiting for a word to slow down or stop.
But its useful for the days when shes maybe not relaxed enough or when the play I have chosen might not sit well with her mindset. Shes omly used orange twice. And red once.
I take my kink very seriously. Consent is burned into my bones. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else that they are doing it wrong so I guess this is why I find offence in what was said by the quoted poster.
BDSM has no right way. If your kink is a little light puppy play or a whiff of orgasm denial or you just love the feel of rubber gloves on your skin, guess what. You are just as full a member of the kink community as I am or as the master and sub who live the lifestyle 24/7. I understand that some people are more committed than others. But their commitment doesnt lessen your sacrifices or it doesnt lessen the community. BDSM is a buffet. And you dont get to choose whether anyone else eats at that buffet or what they get to eat. Even if you are the domliest Dominant and you have a lifetime commitment from a sub, that sub can change its mind at any moment and therefore it chooses ultimately.
I also understand that some people need the validation of being true believers for self esteem and instinctually look down on others making themselves feel better. But remember that I do not consent to you playing games involving me. We are all equal, we just have different roles.
So in short, let others decide their level of commitment to bdsm. If you are all into RACK cool. It doesnt make you better than the bimbo fetish blonde who wants her mouth used as a cock holder. Or the kitten brat who doesnt want to be spanked. Or the rubber doll who gets his rocks off wanking alone into his rubber pants. They are all practicing bdsm too"
Very well put. There is no max or min level in bdsm. That is the choice of the D/s cpl or singles who enjoy this play. The buffet reply explains it perfectly. Each sub has her/his own threshold be that pain or pleasure or a mix of them both. There is no perfect sinario but only the sinarios the D/s agree to play out together. I have had subs who hated anal sex/play so that was excluded. Tben i had others who loved it and insisted on it in the play sessions. The main point is the play is fun or fullfilling for both partners so that could be administering pain or pleasure or even just a sensual session. Lets not judge others in what they do but praise them instead for joining the bdsm community no matter what level of play they chose to do. With our play jenny prefers it harder. We use amber or red during play only if we are trying something new otherwise it is not required as i know her tells and responses very well. Lets stop the bitching guys/girls and just share our fun stories on here and help others who are starting out on their bdsm discovery together. John |
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Couldn't agree more, it's different for everyone. What is hardcore for some is just entry level Ann summers to others.
It's the same with partners too, it takes the trust and experience to get to play out fanasties or scenes together just how you can and to truly enjoy it. We can never know what each other is thinking.
Pineapple or butterfly work for me, the traffic light seems to be universal and most people understand how it works. Although when gags are in use you have to be inventive with a hand gesture or you should know your partner in play ideally enough to know limits.
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Yes we have a safe word and I absolutely know things will stop if I use it normally only used for bdsm play. I also had a phrase I used in clubs with a ex husband to indicate if someone was a person or couple I’d like to play with or not but haven’t used that with my current partner as our tastes are more aligned so not needed it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Couldn't agree more, it's different for everyone. What is hardcore for some is just entry level Ann summers to others.
It's the same with partners too, it takes the trust and experience to get to play out fanasties or scenes together just how you can and to truly enjoy it. We can never know what each other is thinking.
Pineapple or butterfly work for me, the traffic light seems to be universal and most people understand how it works. Although when gags are in use you have to be inventive with a hand gesture or you should know your partner in play ideally enough to know limits.
"
Tap outs can be used or even blinking a set number if reatrained and gagged. But inportant the dom notices this or it can be dangerous if for instance you are doing breath play. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond
I respectfully disagree with the spirit of this.
I have been doing things with my wife for 20 years. I know her. I know her tells. I know when shes on the edge, I know when shes lying and just wants to cum meaning she can be pushed a little further. We were using RACK before we knew what RACK was.
But we still use red or orange. It's there just in case. What harm does it do that we have it?
When she's in the zone and words are not exactly coherent, I'm not going to keep hammering away at her ass waiting for a word to slow down or stop.
But its useful for the days when shes maybe not relaxed enough or when the play I have chosen might not sit well with her mindset. Shes omly used orange twice. And red once.
I take my kink very seriously. Consent is burned into my bones. I wouldn't dream of telling someone else that they are doing it wrong so I guess this is why I find offence in what was said by the quoted poster.
BDSM has no right way. If your kink is a little light puppy play or a whiff of orgasm denial or you just love the feel of rubber gloves on your skin, guess what. You are just as full a member of the kink community as I am or as the master and sub who live the lifestyle 24/7. I understand that some people are more committed than others. But their commitment doesnt lessen your sacrifices or it doesnt lessen the community. BDSM is a buffet. And you dont get to choose whether anyone else eats at that buffet or what they get to eat. Even if you are the domliest Dominant and you have a lifetime commitment from a sub, that sub can change its mind at any moment and therefore it chooses ultimately.
I also understand that some people need the validation of being true believers for self esteem and instinctually look down on others making themselves feel better. But remember that I do not consent to you playing games involving me. We are all equal, we just have different roles.
So in short, let others decide their level of commitment to bdsm. If you are all into RACK cool. It doesnt make you better than the bimbo fetish blonde who wants her mouth used as a cock holder. Or the kitten brat who doesnt want to be spanked. Or the rubber doll who gets his rocks off wanking alone into his rubber pants. They are all practicing bdsm too
Very well put. There is no max or min level in bdsm. That is the choice of the D/s cpl or singles who enjoy this play. The buffet reply explains it perfectly. Each sub has her/his own threshold be that pain or pleasure or a mix of them both. There is no perfect sinario but only the sinarios the D/s agree to play out together. I have had subs who hated anal sex/play so that was excluded. Tben i had others who loved it and insisted on it in the play sessions. The main point is the play is fun or fullfilling for both partners so that could be administering pain or pleasure or even just a sensual session. Lets not judge others in what they do but praise them instead for joining the bdsm community no matter what level of play they chose to do. With our play jenny prefers it harder. We use amber or red during play only if we are trying something new otherwise it is not required as i know her tells and responses very well. Lets stop the bitching guys/girls and just share our fun stories on here and help others who are starting out on their bdsm discovery together. John "
I just think a lot of beginners focus on safe words and SSC , but should instead learn about more important things like proper care - physical, emotional, mental, first aid , and the complex issues around BDSM consent and the law. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
In my opinion it’s less about do you have safe words and more about how you use them that is important.
As I see it safe words (both verbal and non verbal) are just another communication tool, only in this instance they are associated with a predetermined set of actions (such as stop or check in). We use the traffic light system, words that we are programmed to hear above others (in the same way we can hear our name in a crowded room).
They cost nothing and so there is no reason they shouldn’t form part of your toolset even if you don’t need to use them with your current play mate. I always make sure I have my first aid kit to hand for the same reason, and make a point of showing it to our play mates.
Most of the times people have used safe words with us have been around going to the bathroom, getting comfortable/needing to readjust, needing to blow their nose etc. and not a need to stop the scene.
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"A bit pointless, if/ when you would ever need them you’re incapable of using them, better to learn RACK. Safe worlds are for people who probably shouldn’t be doing doing BDSM, there is no safe. Know the risks and know your partner, know how to listen and know how to respond "
I disagree. We use RACK and my partner reads me very well to the point that I’ve never had to use my safe word (or sign if not in a position to speak) with him but I still think it’s necessary to have one so that there’s never any doubt where the ultimate limits are Irvin case of totally unforeseen things that any risk awareness could not have predicted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Regardless if you have been in to bdsm for 20yrs plus or not or you know your subs tells safe words or signs if gagged and restrained are a always a plus. Things can change or he/she could be on the verge of a blackout ect so them warning you things are not right is absolutely nessesary to stop things getting dangerous. Plays for instance like breath are dangerous so safe words/signs are very important as well as you reading their body responces. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Another use for safewords for us is swinger related. If we are in a club or a social we choose a few words before hand.
For example if we are chatting to a couple and one of us doesnt want to continue we can work in a word to let the other person know. We might use sailing as a no, camping for a yes and skiing for get me out of here.
Also for non verbal commands if I want my wife to do something without her having the ability to refuse, I tap her wrist three times. (Obviously she can actually refuae at any point but our dynamic works best when she feels she has no control) If she taps mine three times that is her way of saying that we are outside of our dynamic.
If shes restrained and cannot communicate because of gag or music or penis then rapidly blinking is a break the scene signal.
The point was made above that the ability to stop a scene safely is hugely important even for experienced participants. Leg cramp can strike at any time!
Maybe I'm too focused on communicating but that's my personality and I take my responsibilities seriously
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it depends on the situation, some situation may require a word that is easy to pronounce and others require a word that would be harder to pronounce.hippopotamus is used quite regularly |
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I have always had a safeword when playing but my previous master was of the opinion that if I had to use it, then he was the one in the wrong by taking things too far.
Yes things have hurt, yes I've been uncomfortable but always just on the edge. |
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