FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > No right or wrong way!
No right or wrong way!
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I want to know who has the right to put people down because they don't fit in with their ideal.
Everyone has preferences and that's ok, just because yours doesn't fit with theirs, it doesn't make you any better than the next person! It just means that you probably wouldn't be compatible in any way.
Your way is not the only way! Swinging is what you want it to be!
Just because you don't ever go to a swinging club, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. If you never have a gangbang, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger.
There is a saying in the BDSM community...You Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Ok...this applies here.
The core of swinging is basically casual sex, where you branch out from there is completely your choice.
Some people only meet at clubs, some people only meet someone once, some people like to form friendships with others and meet on a regular basis.
No matter what you decide, it is all ok, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. You just have to find someone who's preferences match yours.
Shaming someone because your preferences don't match...that is definitely not ok!!
People like this are what gives the community a bad reputation, have a bit of respect before putting others down and take a long hard look in the mirror...being cruel is not attractive no matter how pretty the face.
I may get some stick for this, but I've noticed more and more shaming on here recently and it is not good.
For God sake, if you have nothing nice to say, then keep your god damn mouth shut! Your words could hurt someone more than you realise.
And no, I am not bothered personally it's water off a ducks back, but I'm just fed up with it.
I'll get back in my box now lmao  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have noticed a lot of kink shaming recently too.
We all have our thing, and if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. |
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"I have noticed a lot of kink shaming recently too.
We all have our thing, and if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. "
Exactly  I hate seeing kink shaming  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous |
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Why people feel the need to put others down by their life style choice is abhorrent. Like you said if you have nothing nice to say don’t say anything at all. Why do people have to conform to one persons judgmental attitude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You saying about people putting others down.
Look how single man have been treated on here for years. Like shit!
Even worse now that according to most every man is guilty of some violent crime against women.
Point your fingers some place else because a lot that do the pointing are no better themselves. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
People have to accept that we all have our own choices and preferences, I don't get angry or upset if I don't fit with what someone is looking for, just as I expect someone will not fit with what I am looking for.
Making an issue and publicly shaming is totally wrong and should be stopped |
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Coming from a bdsm background yes I would agree with everything you have said.
Although I don’t it just the swinger community or bdsm community it is society in general I am tending to find.
People don’t like you have or share a different opinion as there own , me personally I am all for different opinions as I may just learn something new from someone who holds a different opinions to myself. But I am big enough and respectful enough to say I respect your opinions but I don’t share them.
I am not going to judge them or shame for holding different opinions in I may actually respect them more in some cases.
I like people who are individuals and who are authentic to themselves. Just don’t be twat as I will call you on that shitty behaviour. |
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Yeah a woman once message me on here asking if I wanted to have animal fun with her dog and I didn’t get upset or bark at her or caused a scene.
If anything I have sympathy for the paw woman. It must be very difficult to have that as a kink. She was probably going through a ruff time.
Plus you can’t teach an old dog new tricks so if she’s been into it for a while I bet it’s a hard thing to kick.
I didn’t have a dog in the fight so I just said no thanks and went about my day |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous "
Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous
Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping? "
Not a stupid question...you beat me to asking!  |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I can definitely understand this as I have often been sent messages with the ilk of 'why are you on this site?' etc etc.
The answer being - because I choose to be! I don't fit into a tickbox on any site as many others will not either.
At the end of the day its seems respect is something that is often not given out as freely as it is expected.
 |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous
Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping? "
It where people try to define the rules of entry into a community by ‘keeping the gate’ of entry |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, I agree completely and love that phrase aswell.
There's no place for kink shaming or people getting arsey because they aren't compatible with another. It's should always be about preference and personal choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous
Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?
Not a stupid question...you beat me to asking! "
Haha! Glad it wasn't just me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gatekeeping isn’t a new thing but it is very prevalent here. People want to feel special and unique, gatekeeping promotes that for them, at the expense of others.
Kink shaming has always been a problem on here too. Some people dislike what they don’t know or understand, so dismiss it as ‘gross’ or sick. It’s a lack of understanding and empathy on both counts, a blinkered view that their opinion or way of doing things is ‘the only way’ which is frankly ridiculous
Stupid question alert but what's gatekeeping?
It where people try to define the rules of entry into a community by ‘keeping the gate’ of entry"
Makes sense. Thank you |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
"You're not a proper swinger unless you've wrestled in a paddling pool full of marmalade.
Hope that's the smooth not one with bits, be a nightmare to wash out your hair "
I was going to say the one with bits tastes much nicer though - but now I'm not sure that sounds right in  |
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Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand.
Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy. |
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand.
Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy. "
Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though.
It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it  . |
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand.
Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy.
Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though.
It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it . "
Exactly I know there's things I don't get, doesn't bother me so why comment on it? I fail to see the point in a long list of vomit emoji. It just kills the conversation for those who'd like to discuss it in an open forum. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Think people in general would rather state their disapproval of a kink or whatever, rather than ask and seek to understand.
Plus I think people like to feel superior so their way is the correct way. I personally think people should worry more about if they are enjoying themselves than what others do to enjoy.
Yep. Sometimes you just won't understand too and just end up accepting that you don't get it but live and let live. Too many struggle with the let live part though.
It's annoying on here to try and start a discussion about something or find other people who enjoy the same thing and just end up with 170/175 comments being from people saying they're not into it .
Exactly I know there's things I don't get, doesn't bother me so why comment on it? I fail to see the point in a long list of vomit emoji. It just kills the conversation for those who'd like to discuss it in an open forum. "
Agreed. It also makes people less likely to discuss their kinks, if they feel they will be shamed. I don’t always comment on threads if I’m feeling fragile, so I don’t have to defend what I like. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want to know who has the right to put people down because they don't fit in with their ideal.
Everyone has preferences and that's ok, just because yours doesn't fit with theirs, it doesn't make you any better than the next person! It just means that you probably wouldn't be compatible in any way.
Your way is not the only way! Swinging is what you want it to be!
Just because you don't ever go to a swinging club, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. If you never have a gangbang, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger.
There is a saying in the BDSM community...You Kink Is Not My Kink, But Your Kink Is Ok...this applies here.
The core of swinging is basically casual sex, where you branch out from there is completely your choice.
Some people only meet at clubs, some people only meet someone once, some people like to form friendships with others and meet on a regular basis.
No matter what you decide, it is all ok, it doesn't make you any less of a swinger. You just have to find someone who's preferences match yours.
Shaming someone because your preferences don't match...that is definitely not ok!!
People like this are what gives the community a bad reputation, have a bit of respect before putting others down and take a long hard look in the mirror...being cruel is not attractive no matter how pretty the face.
I may get some stick for this, but I've noticed more and more shaming on here recently and it is not good.
For God sake, if you have nothing nice to say, then keep your god damn mouth shut! Your words could hurt someone more than you realise.
And no, I am not bothered personally it's water off a ducks back, but I'm just fed up with it.
I'll get back in my box now lmao "
Hear hear... We've been at the sharp end of this and it's not nice... |
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I am not sure i would classify myself as a swinger but i still feel I belong here. I'm clear in my profile about what i am looking for and am fairly open to new experiences. I am sorry if short sighted people have attacked you. We should be a very inclusive community IMHO. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Couldn't agree more OP - no matter the preference, whether it be a kink, or how someone approaches the site etc there is no room for judgement - I personally find it fascinating to learn from others about their preferences and kinks, especially those I don't necessarily "get" myself - there have been some I have come to appreciate or be interested in more simply because I've been able to understand someone else's liking of them better through talking about it.
The only slight word of caution I'd add is around where someone has a liking of something but may have a skewed view of it, it can be a dangerous thing - the most obvious example being BDSM where there are many who think it is simply a case of a sub doing whatever a Dom tells them - which if they have a level of knowledge and understanding it of course can be, sadly in a lot of cases that knowledge and understanding is not there - and where that is obvious I think it's absolutely right to question and try and educate, although not necessarily judge. |
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"Couldn't agree more OP - no matter the preference, whether it be a kink, or how someone approaches the site etc there is no room for judgement - I personally find it fascinating to learn from others about their preferences and kinks, especially those I don't necessarily "get" myself - there have been some I have come to appreciate or be interested in more simply because I've been able to understand someone else's liking of them better through talking about it.
The only slight word of caution I'd add is around where someone has a liking of something but may have a skewed view of it, it can be a dangerous thing - the most obvious example being BDSM where there are many who think it is simply a case of a sub doing whatever a Dom tells them - which if they have a level of knowledge and understanding it of course can be, sadly in a lot of cases that knowledge and understanding is not there - and where that is obvious I think it's absolutely right to question and try and educate, although not necessarily judge."
Yes, your point about BDSM is a good one.
I myself have been in the BDSM scene twice as long as I have the swinging scene and have made some very good, knowledgeable friends. I was extremely lucky to have a great introduction to it and an amazing mentor who pointed me in the right direction and helped me do hours and hours of research before meeting anyone. Just so that I had a very basic understanding of the roles, fetishes and safety aspects before jumping in.
It can be extremely dangerous, both mentally and physically, so everyone should always question everything, but unfortunately you will always get the ones who will use naivety and lack of knowledge to their own advantage...in both communities
So yes, question absolutely everything! Do your own research and don't rely on what someone is telling you.
If anyone ever approached me for advice, then I would do my best to help them. I will never profess to being an expert, far from it and I always see "experienced Dom" as a red flag, but I can point them towards a few websites and books for them to do their own research.
There is so much more I could add, but this has gone way off the original topic and has gotten way too long. If anyone does want to drop me a message to know how and where I started my BDSM journey, then please feel free and I can point you towards a couple sites x |
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I agree that nobody has the right to tell others "how" to swing, however one thing that should be commonplace is respect and morals.
Those 2 lack massively across the site, therefore I wouldn't call those people swingers, I'd call them cunts. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it. "
Well thats us on the naughty step then....
Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it.
Well thats us on the naughty step then....
Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law."
Oh  , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
There is so much more I could add, but this has gone way off the original topic and has gotten way too long. If anyone does want to drop me a message to know how and where I started my BDSM journey, then please feel free and I can point you towards a couple sites x"
Snipped to save scroll angst but I don't think you've gone way off topic at all - many of the principles you would apply to BDSM have a correlation to any other topic also - it essentially comes down to knowledge, respect, personal integrity, preference, and a degree of self-awareness along with comfort whether it be about BDSM, swinging, watersports, sploshing or any of a myriad of activities.
For me those that judge others "way" are lacking knowledge and respect just for starters. |
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it.
Well thats us on the naughty step then....
Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law.
Oh , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ?"
Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree that nobody has the right to tell others "how" to swing, however one thing that should be commonplace is respect and morals.
Those 2 lack massively across the site, therefore I wouldn't call those people swingers, I'd call them cunts."
That's a whole other issue...whose moral code should everyone follow |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if it’s legal and not harming anyone, then people should be left to get on with it.
Well thats us on the naughty step then....
Its quite eye opening when you realise that there are some things you are unable to consent to in the eyes of the law.
Oh , that might be stuff I do too, do I need to know which things ?
Basically a lot of BDSM. Apparently you can't consent to assault. "
Oh well, then I will change my response to, as long as it’s not harming anyone except me, with my consent, we should be left to get on with it |
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