FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Married guys on dating sites

Married guys on dating sites

By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're probably best asking him to understand his mind set

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By *all me FlikWoman over a year ago

Galaxy Far Far Away

Just a married guy looking to get his leg over and trying to justify it...thats all.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"You're probably best asking him to understand his mind set"

I have done and no response.

Wondered what the Fab community thought.

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By *inkyRebelMan over a year ago

Swindon

Ask to speak to his wife,

If he won't let you he's up to no good.

Im married and I am completely open and honest with my wife about all things. She's met women on meets, before I've gone off to play.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

So you know he’s married.

So you can choose whether to take it any further.

So you can’t turn around and say “if I knew you were married I would never have got involved”.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have no problem with married men because if they want to risk their marriage then that’s their look out not ours!!

But we fully understand why people don’t like meeting married men.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Of course it doesn't make it OK but at least he's telling you from the get go so that you can make an informed choice wether or not to meet him.

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By *orkiebar51Man over a year ago

Keighley

He's being honest with himself and with you. But unlikely to be honest with his wife. You or anyone else knows what you're getting into, or not as the case may be

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I don't think it makes it ok but I think it's better than leading you to believe he's single. At least this way you're fully aware of the situation and have the opportunity not to get involved as a result.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Of course it doesn't make it OK but at least he's telling you from the get go so that you can make an informed choice wether or not to meet him. "

Yes very true. I don’t meet married men though.

Just wondered the mind set that’s all. I mean a ‘dating site’. Dating! Or am I over thinking things here?

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

Got my answer, when I told him to sort his marriage out he has blocked me.

Just another married cheat but on a dating site.

I continue my quest to find someone decent

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By *ustBoWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in Co. Down

He is letting you know from the start that he is married. Why is he is on there is his own business but at least you know his status and now can make up your own mind if you want to continue to chat or whatever else. People have their own reasons for being on there or here and at least you can make the decision to continue to talk or not knowing from the start that he is married .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Why do you call it a vanilla dating site? Also would you disclose to someone on a vanilla site that your also on a swingers site? If you dated someone from vanilla site and continued to have fun on here...is that cheating?

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple over a year ago

Back of the bins.

"We have no problem with married men because if they want to risk their marriage then that’s their look out not ours!!

But we fully understand why people don’t like meeting married men.

True but I (The Boy) don’t want an angry wife yelling at my door at 0300!

Also, ethical non monogamy requires trust, how can you trust him if he deceives the people who should be able to trust him the most!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Of course it doesn't make it OK but at least he's telling you from the get go so that you can make an informed choice wether or not to meet him.

Yes very true. I don’t meet married men though.

Just wondered the mind set that’s all. I mean a ‘dating site’. Dating! Or am I over thinking things here?

You're over thinking.

Dating sites, especially free ones, are glorified contact sites for some people. If someone wants to cheat then they'll use whatever means necessary.

Whilst you're not happy with his approach and he's perhaps not being honest with his wife he is at least bring honest with the people he messages. Better that than invest time in someone only to find out they're married further down the road.

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By *armupartistMan over a year ago

York

Endless threads on here on this subject... I am married and playing as a single. Upfront on my profile but in a genuinely sexless marriage. My marriage and family are everything but I came to this lifestyle and seeking couples as a safer option than dating and the risk of developing a romantic liaison which might damage my home relationship. Here my friends are fun and linked by a desire to explore our sexual mores. I could join a choir or book club if my interests were singing or reading. Fab is an online club for sex and those who want to share its joys and excitements. Not for my wife but we have come to this arrangement as best for us, so do not call me a cheater!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"Endless threads on here on this subject... I am married and playing as a single. Upfront on my profile but in a genuinely sexless marriage. My marriage and family are everything but I came to this lifestyle and seeking couples as a safer option than dating and the risk of developing a romantic liaison which might damage my home relationship. Here my friends are fun and linked by a desire to explore our sexual mores. I could join a choir or book club if my interests were singing or reading. Fab is an online club for sex and those who want to share its joys and excitements. Not for my wife but we have come to this arrangement as best for us, so do not call me a cheater!"

Was it you who messaged her on the saying dote? Cos if not then she didn't call you a cheater and you're kind of projecting a little bit!

If your wife is fully aware of what you do on here then I'd say you are not a cheater but in an open relationship of sorts.

No one was attacking you do why so defensive?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was it you who messaged her on the saying dote? Cos if not then she didn't call you a cheater and you're kind of projecting a little bit!

If your wife is fully aware of what you do on here then I'd say you are not a cheater but in an open relationship of sorts.

No one was attacking you do why so defensive? "

Exactly my thoughts too!

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Saying dote = dating site obviously

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

He was being honest with you in telling you up front so you then could decide whether or not you wanted to take things further.

Married men get slated for not saying they are married and being deceitful and now they are being questioned for being upfront and honest in saying they are married.

They can't win.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

She said dating sites not fab. She also didn't call YOU a cheater. She posted about married men using dating sites to cheat. I think you might need to reread the OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess OP it is better for you that he was honest, but it is really shitty for his Mrs if this isn't an agreed arrangement.

I've lost count of how many guys I've met on dating sites only for them to pop up as friend suggestions on social media with their profile pic of them and their wife and kids. I really hate liars.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Because it’s a vanilla dating site and from the conversations I’ve had on it, there are some guys on it looking for friendship and relationships, they come across as vanilla. It’s of no relevance to you if I would disclose my membership here to them and for your information I don’t meet people from this site. You have tried to steer my thread in another direction which is not what it was about. Leave the thread alone if you can’t give the feedback I asked for.

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By *reatformeatWoman over a year ago

my own bubble

Been asked a thousand times , this site and no doubt others are flooded with married men. If their so unhappy makes you wonder why they are Married but in reality they like to have their cake and eat it . I can understand it if there in a sexless or boring relationship but I don’t condone it

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By *rad670Man over a year ago

South Lakes

"He is letting you know from the start that he is married. Why is he is on there is his own business but at least you know his status and now can make up your own mind if you want to continue to chat or whatever else. People have their own reasons for being on there or here and at least you can make the decision to continue to talk or not knowing from the start that he is married ."

At last, some non judgemental common sense, thank you.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

If you don’t like the thread content then pass it by. This wasn’t a thread about married guys on Fab and you’re defensive because you know you are doing wrong but that’s your decision if you are happy to cheat but remember cheaters get found out by their wives eventually.

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

That is harsh, whatever happened to freedom of speech. Anyone can post any comments they like in any thread as long as it is within forum rules. No one can dictate who can or can't comment.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

Its none of anyones business what he does(except obviously his wife!). He was upfront with you to give you the choice. You are not interested so you move on without giving it a second thought.

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By *allySlinkyWoman over a year ago

Leeds

" would you disclose to someone on a vanilla site that your also on a swingers site? If you dated someone from vanilla site and continued to have fun on here...is that cheating?

Interesting question

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

That is harsh, whatever happened to freedom of speech. Anyone can post any comments they like in any thread as long as it is within forum rules. No one can dictate who can or can't comment. "

Yes I get that and maybe I was harsh, I am sorry. However this poster was trying to move the thread back at me and if I would tell a guy from a vanilla dating site I’m here which is nothing to do with my thread.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

" would you disclose to someone on a vanilla site that your also on a swingers site? If you dated someone from vanilla site and continued to have fun on here...is that cheating?

Interesting question"

On a first date I wouldn't say anything. 3rd or 4th of I felt it had potential to go somewhere I have told people. Most were OK with it (and rather excited lol). Took one along to a BBW night.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't "

I think it is more women, particularly single women, get fed up of being lied to. I met someone who claimed to be single and, once once I'd fallen in love, did he come clean and say he was married. It broke me and I don't think it is unfair to ask to be given the choice as whether you want to be a bit on the side or not.

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single.

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By *ermite12ukMan over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

"I can understand it if there in a sexless or boring relationship but I don’t condone it "

Hit the nail on the head, I would think. Certainly with respect to myself at least.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

" would you disclose to someone on a vanilla site that your also on a swingers site? If you dated someone from vanilla site and continued to have fun on here...is that cheating?

Interesting question"

I’m not a cheat, never have been so I would leave Fab if I met Mr Right. However I don’t meet people from Fab......I meet people in clubs and that would also stop if I met Mr Right.

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

I doubt very much that he's just after "friendship"

It's good that he's told you he's married so you can make your choices based on that.

But claiming to be "honest" by telling you is dubious at best, liars are often Walter Mitty characters who would lie about anything but actually believe themselves !

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By *melia DominaTV/TS over a year ago

Edinburgh (She/Her)

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

Unfortunately people in relationships do not communicate enough with each other.

Particularly with regards to ones feelings.

Alot feel can't be honest with their partners.

These individuals, men and women alike, reach out to others out side of their primary relationship for companionship and sexual adventure.

Consent, respect and open honest communication is the corner stones of any relationship.

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By *armupartistMan over a year ago

York

Was it you who messaged her on the saying dote? Cos if not then she didn't call you a cheater and you're kind of projecting a little bit!

If your wife is fully aware of what you do on here then I'd say you are not a cheater but in an open relationship of sorts.

No one was attacking you do why so defensive? "

I was only making and illustrating the point that not all arrived men playing here are cheaters. I know from my Fab friends their are many many cheaters here and was disassociating those who aren't and at the same time myself from that label. The OP does use that word. I'm happy and comfortable with what I do on here, my wife understands. I can assure you that I have no desire or intention of imposing my sexual needs on a woman I have been married to for nearly 50 years and who sadly takes no pleasure from it. Sex is a joyful, pleasurable indulgence when there is mutual, shared desire. I have found that here and apologise to the OP if she feels I was attacking her. She was interested in the opinion of Fabbers. Fabbers come in all shapes and sizes and circumstances. I merely thought mine would add to the range of opinions.

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By *pYaMan over a year ago

Ready…

There are many reasons why married men look for sex with others, it is also worth keeping this in perspective that married women also go behind their partners back.

Being married or with a long term partner doesn’t mean everything is good at home and it doesn’t necessarily mean that either party cares about each other any more, sometimes it’s convenient to stay together!

It’s not fair to just slate any married individual (male or female) for seeking sex elsewhere.

The main point here is he was honest with you and you can make a decision if it’s for you or note.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

For me he’s being honest regarding his ‘want’ and how he’s using the site, it’s a platform for people to meet, similar to fab for those not ever meeting on here.

Sounds like he’s dishonest with those that are important, and lacks emotional confidence, if he’s not open with his wife. So it’s selective honesty I guess, about his circumstances or past etc. Perhaps he’s telling you in case you can either relate to that, as some may be able to, or you may wish to tell him where to go, which is where others can relate to as well.

For me I’d have just blocked and moved on if it wasn’t ethical, just sounds like drama

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Was it you who messaged her on the saying dote? Cos if not then she didn't call you a cheater and you're kind of projecting a little bit!

If your wife is fully aware of what you do on here then I'd say you are not a cheater but in an open relationship of sorts.

No one was attacking you do why so defensive?

But the original post wasn't about men on fab who have permission to seek sex outside of their relationship. It was about men on dating sites seeking friendship behind their partners back.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Was it you who messaged her on the saying dote? Cos if not then she didn't call you a cheater and you're kind of projecting a little bit!

If your wife is fully aware of what you do on here then I'd say you are not a cheater but in an open relationship of sorts.

No one was attacking you do why so defensive?

As its a site for swingers, this site is full of married and partnered people in happy open/swinging relationships

. Myself included. I just made a considered assumption that wasn't what the OP was talking about. Especially as she wasn't talking about fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single. "

Being lied to isn't nice

My ex Mrs led me through what I thought was a break up based on us 'just not getting on / breakdown' and, in doing so, I made concessions that, had I had the full information, I wouldn't have made

Only after it was all over did I find out she'd been seeing someone else for the previous 12 months

Anyway, back to dating sites, I know a couple of female friends who use dating sites

I've introduced them to Fab and their interpretation is that, in the majority, the approaches from guys here are more genuine in their directness

On dating sites, the guys build and neatly package their stories to suit what they think women want

Here they do the same, but as the assumption is the women just want fucking, they lose the carefully crafted back story and show something closer to the 'real them'

These two friends now retain the dating site profiles and Fab profiles purely to watch out for commonality in pictures but differences in approach

The stories vary wildly

I accept it's a very small sample, but it does make you think are dating sites any better than here?

Not all men cheat

Not all women cheat

I do think it is very easy to be hoodwinked into making bad choices though

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By *tuartieMan over a year ago

Lanarkshire

"Ask to speak to his wife,

If he won't let you he's up to no good.

Im married and I am completely open and honest with my wife about all things. She's met women on meets, before I've gone off to play. "

LOL lol

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

That is harsh, whatever happened to freedom of speech. Anyone can post any comments they like in any thread as long as it is within forum rules. No one can dictate who can or can't comment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single.

Being lied to isn't nice

My ex Mrs led me through what I thought was a break up based on us 'just not getting on / breakdown' and, in doing so, I made concessions that, had I had the full information, I wouldn't have made

Only after it was all over did I find out she'd been seeing someone else for the previous 12 months

Anyway, back to dating sites, I know a couple of female friends who use dating sites

I've introduced them to Fab and their interpretation is that, in the majority, the approaches from guys here are more genuine in their directness

On dating sites, the guys build and neatly package their stories to suit what they think women want

Here they do the same, but as the assumption is the women just want fucking, they lose the carefully crafted back story and show something closer to the 'real them'

These two friends now retain the dating site profiles and Fab profiles purely to watch out for commonality in pictures but differences in approach

The stories vary wildly

I accept it's a very small sample, but it does make you think are dating sites any better than here?

Not all men cheat

Not all women cheat

I do think it is very easy to be hoodwinked into making bad choices though"

I totally agree with your friends, I gave up on dating sites for similar reasons. At least with fab you know what it is and on the whole, people are more honest with their intentions.

I'm sorry for your experience with your ex. Sounds shitty x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

On a dating site designed for singles people to meet other single people to develop a relationship with feelings and honesty, it is no place for married people. Its unfair to rob some one of the opportunity of love and a future, if you're already married. Seems selfish, like you want to waste the time of a single person who wants to settle down.

I’d be thankful the chap told me he was married so i could swiftly jog on.

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"He was being honest with you in telling you up front so you then could decide whether or not you wanted to take things further.

Married men get slated for not saying they are married and being deceitful and now they are being questioned for being upfront and honest in saying they are married.

They can't win."

I agree. He’s been upfront. It’s up to you to just move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't say it makes it okay for him to cheat but at least he is being honest. You can then make an informed decision if you want to continue the conversation or not, knowing what you could possibly be getting in to.

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single.

Being lied to isn't nice

My ex Mrs led me through what I thought was a break up based on us 'just not getting on / breakdown' and, in doing so, I made concessions that, had I had the full information, I wouldn't have made

Only after it was all over did I find out she'd been seeing someone else for the previous 12 months

Anyway, back to dating sites, I know a couple of female friends who use dating sites

I've introduced them to Fab and their interpretation is that, in the majority, the approaches from guys here are more genuine in their directness

On dating sites, the guys build and neatly package their stories to suit what they think women want

Here they do the same, but as the assumption is the women just want fucking, they lose the carefully crafted back story and show something closer to the 'real them'

These two friends now retain the dating site profiles and Fab profiles purely to watch out for commonality in pictures but differences in approach

The stories vary wildly

I accept it's a very small sample, but it does make you think are dating sites any better than here?

Not all men cheat

Not all women cheat

I do think it is very easy to be hoodwinked into making bad choices though"

Great and interesting post.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We have no problem with married men because if they want to risk their marriage then that’s their look out not ours!!

But we fully understand why people don’t like meeting married men.

True but I (The Boy) don’t want an angry wife yelling at my door at 0300!

Also, ethical non monogamy requires trust, how can you trust him if he deceives the people who should be able to trust him the most! "

We know a lovely couple who's lives were made pure hell because they met a guy who lied and said he was single. He wife found his fab account on his phone and saw all the flirty messages, naughty pics of the couples, the verifications left to each other and even worse the couples real names and home address.

In her hurt and anger her venom was mainly aimed at the innocence couple.

She made their lives a living hell, nude pictures of the couple were left on cars at their workplace, she told their family through social media and plastered it all over social media as well, the couples employers had to find out due to all the pics on the cars in the car park. It ended up with the police and the courts.

Funny she forgave her husband. As he attended the court with his wife!

Now that couple in our opinion were truly innocent in our view as the husband told them he was single.

However you state you will knowingly meet married men, so if the same thing happens to you one day (its happened to many with various degrees of damage) would you even be able to be considered an innocent party?

Would the venom from the wife aimed at you be in some part deserved even?

Genuinely interested in your views and response on this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m on a vanilla dating site and just got a message from a guy there admitting he is married and bored and looking for friendship. Not for me, too much drama attached to that kind of friendship.

Why does it make it ok to admit that and say he is honest by telling me? Does admitting that make it okay for him to cheat?

I’m trying to understand the mind set.

Feedback please.

Bhubaysi x

You see people here women asking men to be honest, so they can make an educated choice about meeting

It is likely that behaviour is also found on dating sites

Women meet married men, some women are on dating sites for fucks too

Dating sites legitimise what some would regard as swinging or sleeping around

The fact that married men are so lambasted here is because womens voices join and become a chorus

That chorus swells and soon we believe that all women detest married men sleeping around

They don't

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single.

Being lied to isn't nice

My ex Mrs led me through what I thought was a break up based on us 'just not getting on / breakdown' and, in doing so, I made concessions that, had I had the full information, I wouldn't have made

Only after it was all over did I find out she'd been seeing someone else for the previous 12 months

Anyway, back to dating sites, I know a couple of female friends who use dating sites

I've introduced them to Fab and their interpretation is that, in the majority, the approaches from guys here are more genuine in their directness

On dating sites, the guys build and neatly package their stories to suit what they think women want

Here they do the same, but as the assumption is the women just want fucking, they lose the carefully crafted back story and show something closer to the 'real them'

These two friends now retain the dating site profiles and Fab profiles purely to watch out for commonality in pictures but differences in approach

The stories vary wildly

I accept it's a very small sample, but it does make you think are dating sites any better than here?

Not all men cheat

Not all women cheat

I do think it is very easy to be hoodwinked into making bad choices though"

Sorry about your ex.

You're right, not everyone cheats but in my experience, people are going to lie and cheat no matter the site. I've had guys (mainly) lie to me on here and dating sites, I wouldn't say there's much difference in what site they are on.

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By *rder66Man over a year ago

Tatooine

Even though I dislike people who cheat as this makes them a liar and, that is something I can't and will not have in my life. There are many reason why he might be cheating and unless you ask him his reason, you will not find out your answer.

There is not one mindset that fits all organic brains. Both women and men lie for various reason but, he did tell you upfront. Did he say what type of relationship he wanted, perhaps he just wanted someone to share conversation with.

Regardless, I would waste energy trying to finger it out, male or female, a liar is not worth the time and energy and you spending that time and enegry thinking about it is their negative energy infecting your positive energy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It means he's being dishonest to his wife, but not to you. I think the rationale is you're less likely disapprove of his behaviour because he hasn't personally betrayed you in any way because he's been honest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse"

She's not in a high horse. She's just saying she isn't looking to date married men. Why should she not express that?

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By *orthern StarsCouple over a year ago

Durham

"There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse"

Married women do get slated too but admittedly it's more the men that do. Don't take things to heart on here.

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By *hubaysi OP Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse"

So I’m on a ‘dating’ site innocently assuming single people want to date so how can a married person actually ‘date’? On my profile on that site I state no married men yet they contact me. I’m not on a high horse, you are! My thread is nothing to do with married men on Fab.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse"

But this is about dating sites. Why put yourself on a dating site if you are married. How is that fair? Male or female. What future can you offer a single person, if you are already committed to another relationship?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's the internet.

People lie.

You learned he was married early on - surely that's a good thing.

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

Personally I would appreciate his honesty so early on then I would just say no thank you and leave it at that. I wouldn’t want to question why, it’s not my business.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got my answer, when I told him to sort his marriage out he has blocked me.

Just another married cheat but on a dating site.

I continue my quest to find someone decent

im confused as to what other answer you thought there might be? he already told you he was a married cheat himself

when he told you he was testing the water with were you ok with it, your response told him no so he did what you should have done and went looking for someone else instead

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" I think it is more women, particularly single women, get fed up of being lied to. I met someone who claimed to be single and, once once I'd fallen in love, did he come clean and say he was married. It broke me and I don't think it is unfair to ask to be given the choice as whether you want to be a bit on the side or not.

Agreed that there are women who prefer men to be attached for numerous reasons. I've been in that camp too.

For me it is about honesty.

However it also think it is fair, even if somewhat naive, to expect those on sites specifically for dating/potential relationships to be single

i mostly agree with this except for the last bit only because what sites are for what purpose is very blurry now - most of your apps are for “dating” but most being used for a range of things including hookups. unless it was a paid subscription service i would still be wary of folks status as part of asking what they were looking for

the only reason married men on vanilla dating apps surprises me is their naivety that they wont get caught, the sites are so mainstream, you can’t hide your profile and talk to people selectively, you never know who might be swiping you next - any neighbour, family member, friend - its playing with fire for sure

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By *ilverjagMan over a year ago

swansea

Most of us discover the internet whilst going through the separate bedroom scenarios before going on to separate houses, so who are we to judge anyone by their current marital status, men or women.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are plenty of married women on this site, yet I still haven’t seen any posts about the topic, usual double standards on fab.

Also who are people to judge without knowing the background/reason of why someone is on a fab or any other sites? Get off your high horse

But my comments was because if you meet a single guy on vanilla site...would you at some point tell him you are on a swingers site? Remember a lot of people have the wrong assumption about swingers so he might feel your cheating? That's all im commenting on...nothing on you personally op