FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > You'd look prettier if you smiled...

You'd look prettier if you smiled...

By *angbangFantasy OP Woman over a year ago

London

Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Also, to the men who randomly do this to women they don't know on the streets (often more prevalent during summer), why do it? These women don't know you and you don't know them or what they have going on.

Just leave us be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No paper bag for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hear you.

Why some random stranger thinks they have the right to tell us how to rearrange our faces is beyond me.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Face mask. Phew.

When I've got dentures imma pop them fuckers out and give a right good gummy grin to the first person that says that to me.

Should make em think twice in the future

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

I had it plenty in the form if “cheer up”

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

People often say things like “Don’t worry it might never happen” or “If the wind changes you will stay looking like that.”. Those are not misogynistic comments and attempting to always see everything through that lens is not an accurate view of the world.

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

If it was a random stranger I'd be tempted to reply with 'you'd look more handsome if you didn't speak' but then that would be lowering yourself to their level I guess

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

Even if it wasn't low key misogyny, it's just shit chat

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By *an4funMan over a year ago

london

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be."

I also have a resting bitch face which is often mistaken for unhappiness or being miserable. I have even been accused of giving a dirty look when all I did was look their direction. I know what's happening to you is different but I can relate to the mistaken expression part of your post

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

I just assumed it was a polite way of saying you’re ugly. If in doubt just keep your mouth shut and don’t look at anyone

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now"

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be."

Surely the response is “not as pretty as you when you fuck off”

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back "

I agree.

In my experience people are generally well meaning but things easily get misconstrued.

I am 6’6 tall and ALWAYS get comments like “What’s the weather like up there” or “Do you have to duck for the planes?”.

I get it is well meant but it really pisses me off as it is the first thing people comment on but that is my reaction to it and not what they intended.

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By *an4funMan over a year ago

london

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back "

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable"

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

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By *iobhan123Woman over a year ago

Deal

"Face mask. Phew.

When I've got dentures imma pop them fuckers out and give a right good gummy grin to the first person that says that to me.

Should make em think twice in the future "

bloody brilliant retort!!

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

And for easy to understand reasons, it's never helpful to add insult to injury. If someone is unfortunate enough to be unhappy, I'd prefer them not to be abused or pressured to conform to seeming happy, for the benefit of others.

If you notice someone serms down in a coffee shop etc behind you, buy them a treat and move on, before they get it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Men who tell women to smile really need to fuck off with that shit. It happened to me once when I was in a pub in my early 20’s, I was minding my own business, just kind of zoned out waiting for my mate to comeback from the bar and a middle aged bloke came up to me and told me to smile, I told him in no uncertain terms where to go.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Men who tell women to smile really need to fuck off with that shit. It happened to me once when I was in a pub in my early 20’s, I was minding my own business, just kind of zoned out waiting for my mate to comeback from the bar and a middle aged bloke came up to me and told me to smile, I told him in no uncertain terms where to go."

Back to yours?

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By *angbangFantasy OP Woman over a year ago

London

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up "

A complete stranger saying that to cheer me up isn't going to cheer me up.

1.) Who are you?

2.) Why are you telling me to smile when you don't know me?

I think if a man was genuinely concerned when they see a woman who may be sad or in distress it is nice to say "are you okay?"

But a woman just getting on with her life and then a man telling her to smile or suggesting that if she smiled she would be prettier, seems like it's more for the enjoyment of the man and for his benefit rather than to lift the spirits of the woman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Back to yours?

‘Arf

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

A complete stranger saying that to cheer me up isn't going to cheer me up.

1.) Who are you?

2.) Why are you telling me to smile when you don't know me?

I think if a man was genuinely concerned when they see a woman who may be sad or in distress it is nice to say "are you okay?"

It’s a pessimists world

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

This type of comment is made by people who think women owe it to them to look decorative at all times. It's another form of policing women's appearance although it does come in the opposite direction too as others have pointed out.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Resting bitch face unite

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By *elaxedsexyfunMan over a year ago

Northants

"Resting bitch face unite"

Valid point but fine arse!

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By *renzMan over a year ago

Between Chichester and Havant

I'd leave the smiling all the time to air crews etc. I bet most of the time it's hiding a grimace anyway.

A genuine smile is worth more than a million fake ones.

I rarely smile unless I have reason, but then I'm told I'm a miserable sod! But those worth a smile will get the genuine one.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I could bebotgered I'd tell these people that say that kind of bollocks to fuck off and mind their own business!

But it is usually meant without malice and it would be unkind.

I too have a resting bitch face - even when I'm perfectly chipper

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This type of comment is made by people who think women owe it to them to look decorative at all times. It's another form of policing women's appearance although it does come in the opposite direction too as others have pointed out."

Totally agree there

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By *VineMan over a year ago

The right place

I think most people look better when they smile, regardless of gender.

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By *rivateparts!Man over a year ago

Walking down the only road I've ever known!

I smile alot and it confuses the fuck out of people.

Most walk around these days with a face of a smacked arse.

Cheer up stop being so negative.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

I'm always being told to smile x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm always being told to smile x"

Will you stop smiling

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Stupid and pointless comment yes and whilst I agree the "it'll make you prettier" tag on does have at best leery bloke undertones - I don't think the more generalised "smile it may never happen" type comments oft maligned as misogynistic are anything of the sort as they're used by both genders, I've certainly had it thrown my way enough times by women.

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

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By *erces LetiferMan over a year ago

Somewhere off the edge of the map... 'ere there be monsters

Never understood this.

Surely it's much better when interacting to see a smile occure naturally in response to something you've done or said to them, of something? Like sure I love a nice smile on a pretty lady, but asking for it up front out of some sort of entitlement or obligation renders it an empty / hollow gesture? And therefore pointless? Am I crazy?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

While I support respect for all and completely understand the whole safety for women movement I have to say what's in my heart. I fear things are going to go too far and people are going to just stop interacting at all for fear of upsetting each other. Yeah there are people who cross boundaries and it's wrong and comes across as ignorant but I worry about the sanitisation of society too. Can there be a balance? I dunno

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Stupid and pointless comment yes and whilst I agree the "it'll make you prettier" tag on does have at best leery bloke undertones - I don't think the more generalised "smile it may never happen" type comments oft maligned as misogynistic are anything of the sort as they're used by both genders, I've certainly had it thrown my way enough times by women.

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key."

Anecdotally, comments of this type seem to be made far, far more by men to women than the other way around... and you may not have a problem with it. That's great for you. Doesn't alter the fact that it is totally unnecessary shit chat which annoys a lot of people, and even upsets some.

On a further point, just because people don't realise they're perpetrating a misogynistic practice doesn't mean they aren't doing just that. Someone said they should be judge on intentions. At most, intentions are a mitigating factor.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary.

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

"While I support respect for all and completely understand the whole safety for women movement I have to say what's in my heart. I fear things are going to go too far and people are going to just stop interacting at all for fear of upsetting each other. Yeah there are people who cross boundaries and it's wrong and comes across as ignorant but I worry about the sanitisation of society too. Can there be a balance? I dunno

I don't see it as a criticism of interactions... more a criticism of a totally meaningless interaction which serves dubious purpose. If I saw someone looking upset to the point I feel like I should interact with them, I'd ask if they're OK... saying "cheer up love" or something similarly vacuous is just stupid.

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up "

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

"Resting bitch face unite"

Mine’s not resting, it’s fully active.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

Funny how the men posting think ‘it’s harmless and well intentioned’

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers."

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

Exactly, “cheer up it might never happen” isn’t helpful in any way, and if someone is actually dealing with something bad it can be very upsetting. It’s a crappy, pointless comment. As you say, asking someone if they’re ok is a very different thing, and shows concern instead of sounding like you’re mocking them.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

Christ

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky "

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers."

This or maybe treat the woman like they would an elderly woman or a bloke or ya know anyone that they didn’t want to fuck.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger "

‘Girls’ you just get worse and worse ....

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

I don’t want to be swept off my feet, I want to be left the hell alone when I’m going about my business. You sound like you’re angry that you can’t bother women in the street.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger

‘Girls’ you just get worse and worse .... "

people will try to take offence with anything these days

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Resting bitch face unite

Mine’s not resting, it’s fully active."

Lol

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger

‘Girls’ you just get worse and worse ....

people will try to take offence with anything these days "

Not offended in the slightest just can totally see why you struggle in 2021

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky "

Would you talk to her if she wasn’t pretty? Or if she was a man? No? Then don’t. If you only want to talk to her because you hope it’ll eventually get you into her knickers, just leave it.

And it’s not “risky”, not for you, a big strong bloke. But she might feel at risk. Think about how she might feel, being approached by a strange man. Have some consideration.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger "

Well in that case maybe assume if they aren’t approaching you, maybe they don’t want you to approach them.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I like to respond with my grumpiest face.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing "

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing "

Or maybe you should educate yourself on how to behave appropriately

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing "

I get the impression from your comments here and on the threads you’ve started that you really don’t like women much. That being the case, why are you so desperate to talk to them? Especially if they’re “a bit of snot in a jar”.

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

This all day. I see a pretty girl and think about taking to her, then I don’t because fuck that it’s too risky

Maybe said ‘pretty girl’ would talk to you if she found you attractive or you expect women to sit and wait for a ‘big strong man’ to approach

Your living in a fairy world if you believe that.

99% of girjs won’t even message first on tinder, never mind approach a stranger

Well in that case maybe assume if they aren’t approaching you, maybe they don’t want you to approach them."

But surely scared little girls wouldn’t dare approach big strong men because that’s not their place .....

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills."

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to "

Case in point above

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to "

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up."

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up."

You’re not worth talking to unless you’re a pretty little girl though remember......

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up."

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

You’re not worth talking to unless you’re a pretty little girl though remember...... "

Good. I got shit to do

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

You’re not worth talking to unless you’re a pretty little girl though remember......

Good. I got shit to do

Hahaha exactly

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement."

I think it’ll just clear up the confusion since we aren’t mine readers and while a friendly chat on a train might be nice for some people, other obviously hate that shit, but there’s no real way to know without trying..,

Unless you sign up

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By *oncupiscence73Woman over a year ago

South

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement.

Unless you sign up "

Really? You really can’t tell if a woman is up for conversation or not? Wow ...

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement.

Unless you sign up "

Approaches are inevitable, and then it's up to the person approaching to figure out if the approach is being welcomed. Demands to smile are not approaches.

I'm not signing up, I'll just stick to the methods that work for me rather than doing your job for you.

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement.

Unless you sign up

Really? You really can’t tell if a woman is up for conversation or not? Wow ... "

Not until I’ve tried.

I’ve started convos with plenty of bored people i the train or in queues. You never know what someone’s thinking and you might just make someone’s day with a simple convo

As for the miserable gits

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"Maybe 2021 should be the year we invent a card or sign we wear on our head that let’s people know whether we are open to friendly conversation/flirting or whether we would like to be left alone?

Would help sort out a lot of this because it seems that by the time you find out they’d prefer to be left alone it’s too late, you’ve already harassed them by existing

Or maybe we could use common sense, courtesy, empathy, and social skills.

I actually really like the sign idea though cuz it helps sort out the miserable gits from the ones worth talking to

If I label myself as miserable will I be left alone when I want to be left alone? Sign me up.

“Sign me up” will be the business slogan

I mean, sounds like laziness and not using old fashioned social skills to me.

Just a different type of laziness, and I don't think a clear label would stop the entitlement.

Unless you sign up

Approaches are inevitable, and then it's up to the person approaching to figure out if the approach is being welcomed. Demands to smile are not approaches.

I'm not signing up, I'll just stick to the methods that work for me rather than doing your job for you."

Perfectly fair

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By *rder66Man over a year ago

Tatooine

It's very patronising, no matter which sex is saying it to who. The person could be not smiling for a range of reasons including mental health issues, a death of a close one.

Stupid comment made by people who don't use their brains before opening their mouths.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be."

This definitely happens to men, all genders+ to be fair. I had it when deep in thought recently, wondering how to reply to a sensitive work email, someone simply piped up ‘you’ll find another mate don’t worry, cheer up’. If anything, I was baffled. I didn’t take it personally and I’m sure their intentions were positive, at least in their own head and perspective, but I did wonder for a few seconds why people do that sometimes

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

I had a similar message the other day from a single straight male telling me I’d smile more if I was with him

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Sadly for everyone who has ever said it to me, they're wrong.

Bummer for them

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

"I had a similar message the other day from a single straight male telling me I’d smile more if I was with him

Maybe he was a great joke teller?

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"If it was a random stranger I'd be tempted to reply with 'you'd look more handsome if you didn't speak' but then that would be lowering yourself to their level I guess

Genuinely that’s the best retort I’ve heard! I’m saving that!

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By *unmatt888Man over a year ago

Duns

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

I agree.

In my experience people are generally well meaning but things easily get misconstrued.

I am 6’6 tall and ALWAYS get comments like “What’s the weather like up there” or “Do you have to duck for the planes?”.

I get it is well meant but it really pisses me off as it is the first thing people comment on but that is my reaction to it and not what they intended."

I tend to agree - do they think they’re being original?

I quite like being asked if I play basketball though, as it means that I can ask them in return whether they play miniature golf.

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be.

It’s not the same. They didn’t imply you’d be more attractive if you’d smile more.

Telling someone to cheer up is not the same as telling someone they’d be prettier if they smiled more.

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By *oxyVikingCouple over a year ago

East Anglia

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

I love talking to people and will happily interact with anyone. Love banter and stupid jokes. But being told to smile by a complete stranger isn’t about interaction. It’s someone telling you how you should look/behave. It’s just rude. Freya x

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By *igmaMan over a year ago

Yorkshire

Get words to that effect all the time.

If I had a pound for every time... I’d have quite a lot of pounds by now

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Women don’t owe you pretty... suggesting ways for a woman to look “prettier” (in the opinion of the person making the comment) just isn’t acceptable.

“Cheer up it might never happen” is a world away from “You’d be prettier if you smiled more” - although personally I’m not a fan of either.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Women don’t owe you pretty... suggesting ways for a woman to look “prettier” (in the opinion of the person making the comment) just isn’t acceptable.

“Cheer up it might never happen” is a world away from “You’d be prettier if you smiled more” - although personally I’m not a fan of either."

I had the first once while I was wincing in pain on crutches.

Quite clearly it already did happen

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"Get words to that effect all the time.

If I had a pound for every time... I’d have quite a lot of pounds by now"

You’ve been told by a random female stranger to do XY or Z and it will make you look prettier?

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Women don’t owe you pretty... suggesting ways for a woman to look “prettier” (in the opinion of the person making the comment) just isn’t acceptable.

“Cheer up it might never happen” is a world away from “You’d be prettier if you smiled more” - although personally I’m not a fan of either.

I had the first once while I was wincing in pain on crutches.

Quite clearly it already did happen

I never understand why that sort of person feels the need to make such comments - especially when it’s very visibly clear they have a reason to be in pain / sad / annoyed!

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

"I had a similar message the other day from a single straight male telling me I’d smile more if I was with him

Maybe he was a great joke teller? "

And now we’ll never know

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Get this sooooo much!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

Maybe if you approached women as people in their own right, and treated them with respect, you might find you get better responses.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary. "

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

The key is context as I said not the phrase itself - the how it's said, the intent and more besides - yes it's a lame, throw away comment, but then so are many trite lines that are rolled out daily without so much as a raised eyebrow.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I look prettier when I smile. Fact.

*shrugs*

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

She said she doesn't want telling to smile. End of.

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

Men get told often to "man up", "grow some balls" etc. So I don't think it's gender specific to be told some inane tripe.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 26/03/21 19:38:11]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I look prettier when I smile. Fact.

*shrugs*"

I think most people do, but it’s still our choice to do it.

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

Purely out of interest, does anyone know someone of any gender that looks uglier when they smile?

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By *nlyfun3Woman over a year ago

NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts

I think people do look better if they smile, but to say prettier is I think someone with poor communication skills. Is someone smiles it makes you want to smile back xxx

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary.

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

A pretty even split? Yeah, sure

Used just as much by women to men as the other way around? Yeah, sure

Clearly you don't think it's a problem. Also clearly, a lot of women do. So I guess you must be right.

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary.

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

You say it’s used just as much by women to men... have you really been told you’d look much prettier if you smiled?

I’m not talking about any other similar phrases or any other silly rubbish throw away remarks often made by strangers.

I find it very hard to believe you’ve had that specific phrase said to you by a female stranger.

And yes, telling a woman a way that will make her (in your opinion) prettier IS a misogynistic comment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be."

I get this a lot, and it does my head in.

I remember as a young girl walking home from school one day in a really sunny and was feeling really happy, I was in a great mood. A guy passed me and said cheer up lobe it might never happen.

I was utterly crushed by that comment for weeks. I just thought I had a naturally very miserable face and that was hard to accept.

I wish people wouldn't say it. We don't walk around with a big cheesy grin on out faces 24/7 do we!

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

A pass by comment from a stranger doesn’t bother me.

Have I heard that specific sentence said personally, no. Similar yes but from women, ‘you’d look better if you wore make up’.

You dress and paint your face how you like but don’t be telling me as how I should look.

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By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

This is why I'm quite glad of masks. Might just continue wearing one forever!

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By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

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By *an4funMan over a year ago

london

"This is why I'm quite glad of masks. Might just continue wearing one forever!"

You could wear one of those masks that have a huge smile printed onto them.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

A pretty even split? Yeah, sure

Used just as much by women to men as the other way around? Yeah, sure

Clearly you don't think it's a problem. Also clearly, a lot of women do. So I guess you must be right."

Who said it was anything to do with being right or wrong, rather than discussing?

Or that I didn't think it was a problem? I've clearly said the key is context and how it's used - which in itself acknowledges that in some contexts it is of course a problem.

My point is that the "smile it may never happen" type lines are often rolled out as being misogynistic when in and of themselves they are anything but and ARE used just as equally by men and women regardless of your dismissiveness.

Either way we're agreed it's a pretty pointless statement so suggest we just leave it at that rather than trying to pointlessly point score, which is where this seems to be heading.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary.

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

You say it’s used just as much by women to men... have you really been told you’d look much prettier if you smiled?

I’m not talking about any other similar phrases or any other silly rubbish throw away remarks often made by strangers.

I find it very hard to believe you’ve had that specific phrase said to you by a female stranger.

And yes, telling a woman a way that will make her (in your opinion) prettier IS a misogynistic comment. "

I think you've misunderstood/misread my post - of course being told smiling will make you prettier is an awful comment regardless of who says it (as I stated in my opening line right at the top there), and no I've not had that one (although a female friend of mine did once tell me one of her friends had said I should smile more as it made me more appealing - which I guess is similar, although not said to my face).

Either way it was the more generalised "smile it may never happen" type comments I was referring to that are often dismissed as misogynistic when reality is they're said both ways round.

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By *nked_kittenWoman over a year ago

Ankh Morpork

Yesterday a guy walking past told me to cheer up it will soon be Christmas.

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By *ljamMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

A pretty even split? Yeah, sure

Used just as much by women to men as the other way around? Yeah, sure

Clearly you don't think it's a problem. Also clearly, a lot of women do. So I guess you must be right.

Who said it was anything to do with being right or wrong, rather than discussing?

Or that I didn't think it was a problem? I've clearly said the key is context and how it's used - which in itself acknowledges that in some contexts it is of course a problem.

Either way we're agreed it's a pretty pointless statement so suggest we just leave it at that rather than trying to pointlessly point score, which is where this seems to be heading."

Not trying to score points, just addressing the trivialisation of what is, at it's core, misogyny. You may think this is a simple point of disagreement, but it's not. It's misogyny, for reasons others on this thread have clearly explained. I don't think it's something people should make excuses for, or trivialise, or make banal and untrue statements like everyone's as bad as each other... but sure, let's leave it at that.

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By *a Fee VerteWoman over a year ago

Limbo

This thread has reminded me of a very similar one a little while ago - it was called something like 'women owe you nothing'.

I accept, as has been mentioned by *some* men earlier in the thread that silly, rude, none of their business type remarks can be made to and by either sex. Though I think it's far far more common to be men towards women. However, what I think *some* men will never appreciate is that there's all too often an extra layer of potential menace when a strange bloke bellows across the street at a woman to 'cheer up it may never happen' or 'it wouldn't hurt to smile'. And that's because apart from simply being irritated you don't know how said bloke is going to react if you a) ignore him or b) answer back. It's actually bloody intimidating when someone you didn't even know existed two minutes ago snarls that you're a 'stuck up bitch' or 'stupid cunt' or 'ugly cow' all because you don't immediately beam a dazzling smile in their direction as soon as they rudely alerted you to their presence, whilst fluttering your eyelashes and simpering.

Make no mistake... there are ways and ways of showing genuine concern if you truly believe someone needs help. Shouting at you to rearrange your face in some way isn't one of them and is frightening. I've had men persist when I've ignored them or hurried away, calling down the road after me etc. The way it makes me feel is that the man (or men plural) are attention seeking, that they want a reaction for their benefit (not mine) either because they're clumsily hitting on you or because they enjoy putting women down and 'justify' doing so by setting her up as in a woman ignoring them is twisted round in their head as being 'uptight' so they then feel entitled to call her a bitch or worse. I've had a man shout at me and then because I ignored him and carried on my way shout even louder 'Oi, luv, I'm talking to you!'... like I exist as a woman to 'serve' or 'entertain' men. You know, it's not fucking Gilead.

Can I ask this?... any man who's had a woman make similar comments to them, does it scare you, do you feel your stomach lurch in fear because you don't know if an annoying interruption is going to turn into something worse? And if you ignore a woman who tells you to smile, does she then turn verbally aggressive?

There are very distinct differences between the same phrase (re: smiling) being levelled at a man by a woman and vice versa. In each case yes it's arguably rude but I very much doubt a woman doing it has the motives as many of the men who do it do and it's disingenuous to suggest the effects on the target are the same.

Disclaimer: I know not *all* men carry on like this. I'm not suggesting they do so if you don't my comments aren't aimed at you. Furthermore I'm heartened to see some insightful posts from some male posters who 'get' it. I'm just sick of being made to feel completely and unnecessarily scared by what are, at best, utterly thoughtless rude and uninvited remarks which, at worst, are an excuse to verbally batter me, pass judgement on my appearance or personality when you have no clue who I am.

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By *entakuruMan over a year ago

Exeter

Completely concur with the OP, I can certainly sympathise as I do also get told I don't smile enough, and my online profile pictures make me look moody etc etc - I do smile a lot, but when I'm reacting to something in real time, but otherwise I also have what is known as "resting bitch face", the only difference is that being a bloke people are generally just intimidated by it rather than treat it as an excuse to hit on me.

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"This thread has reminded me of a very similar one a little while ago - it was called something like 'women owe you nothing'.

This is a balanced contribution and reminds me of the Margaret Atwood (I think) quote: "Men are scared that women will laugh at them. Women are scared that men will kill them."

Having been publicly humiliated by groups of women or girls (particularly at school) I would attest to that. Apart from one time I was assaulted by an older girl on the school bus, I never felt in physical danger but the shame and cruelty is hard to forget.

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

What era are you living in? ‘Women wanting to be swept off their feet?’ Modern women are independent. You’re portraying the 1950s era!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cheer up it might never happen !

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By *inky_CarpenterMan over a year ago

Portsmouth

Years ago I was working in a small pub as a barman, and we had a couple of young, pretty, really sharp waitresses, who had to contend with d*unk tourists every weekend. They didn't take shit from anyone! One night I overheard one of the girls respond to that same comment with "Thanks, and you'd sound a lot more intelligent if if you stopped to use your brain before you try talking to people"

I heard the same girl respond to "So how do you want your eggs in the morning"? With "Unfertilized,so you can Fuck off"

I loved those women!

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

Personally it doesn't bother me and is as someone else said water off a ducks back, but as ever with these things context is also key.

It's just tedious stuff, and unnecessary.

Anecdotally judging by this thread (which anecdotally I admit is a small sample) it's fairly evenly split.

Agree it's a pretty pointless comment as I acknowledged in my post, and likewise acknowledge it may annoy some more than others.

Disagree though that of itself as a comment it's in any way misogynistic - as I said for starters it gets used just as much by women to men, as it does the other way round in my experience.

You say it’s used just as much by women to men... have you really been told you’d look much prettier if you smiled?

I’m not talking about any other similar phrases or any other silly rubbish throw away remarks often made by strangers.

I find it very hard to believe you’ve had that specific phrase said to you by a female stranger.

And yes, telling a woman a way that will make her (in your opinion) prettier IS a misogynistic comment.

Either way it was the more generalised "smile it may never happen" type comments I was referring to that are often dismissed as misogynistic when reality is they're said both ways round."

Sigh... I’ve not misunderstood or misread a thing. The arrogance to presume I have says it all.

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By *yrdsisWoman over a year ago

Gleam Street

Yep.. we're all human..

Tell me to knock off my resting bitch face for a smile... no.. it encourages wrinkles..

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"This thread has reminded me of a very similar one a little while ago - it was called something like 'women owe you nothing'.

This. 100% this

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Mike drop, LFV.

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By *ilkandhoneyxWoman over a year ago

leicester

this. and random men telling me to smile. fuck off.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother "

You know if he'd said "hey, sorry to bother you but you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you ok?" I'd have probably really appreciated it.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

I don't make a thing about people trying to cheer me up.

Maybe they are trying to #bekind.

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By *winkleFairyCouple over a year ago

"It might be a misogynistic comment but it is perfectly possible that you generally look dour and people are making a poor attempt at humour.

Or "come on, it can't be that bad"

"Hmmm, let me think, I'm on a train to attend my 33 year old cousins funeral, I'll have to disagree"

^true story, a few years back now

I think it’s important to judge people on intentions not results.

If he was trying to cheer you up it’s a nice gesture, and unless you were wearing a sign that said you were going to a funeral how was he to know.

We’re all human. We interact. Some of us are better then others. Water off a ducks back

The real test of his intentions would be to test if he would say that to a man who also looked miserable

It’s silly to pretend that men and women treat eachother the same or that they should.

Maybe he fancied her and thought he could cheer her up

You do know that fancying her isn’t a valid reason to bother her, right? Especially on a train where she can’t really get away. Maybe people should just learn not to make comments to strangers.

But we are humans, we interact, we try to meet other, this is society.

Women always bark on about how they just wanna meet an amazing guy and be swept off their feet, then a guy tries to talk up them and suddenly their tune changes.

Someone else said a similar thing but I think in 10 years time relationships don’t exist because people are so scared of talking to eachother

You know if he'd said "hey, sorry to bother you but you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you ok?" I'd have probably really appreciated it.

Also this - so very true

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

You know if he'd said "hey, sorry to bother you but you look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders, are you ok?" I'd have probably really appreciated it.

Or even just smiling at me. Or saying "I hope you have a nice day". Give something, don't demand something.

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By *ang bang bangity bangCouple over a year ago

Sunderland

What happens if the person has a fuck ugly smile. They might look way worse.

Maybe they went overboard with the botox and now resting bitch face is their only valid option.

Or maybe it's wildly inappropriate and guys should just stop randomly commenting on women's appearance.

Mr.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What happens if the person has a fuck ugly smile. They might look way worse.

Maybe they went overboard with the botox and now resting bitch face is their only valid option.

Or maybe it's wildly inappropriate and guys should just stop randomly commenting on women's appearance.

Mr."

Totally agree.

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By *zoreanMan over a year ago

Witney

"I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

That's the spirit! We live in a snowflake society. Back in the days people weren't afraid of paying a compliment or just saying something nice to one another(excluding cat calling and rude remarks). However, People like the OP really need to chill otherwise they might melt easily.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

Actually I think you will find people weren't OK with it they Just didn't feel they had a voice or could speak out because people would make comments just like yours!

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By *ilvermoonWoman over a year ago

ledbury

"Something I've heard personally from men (total strangers whom I don't owe a thing to), that female friends and family members too have heard spouted their way.

It's a back-handed misogynistic compliment that needs to stop.

I don't think I've ever heard of women saying the same to men, unless I'm wrong there?

My face is my face and you can call it my "resting bitch face", but (I'm sorry to disappoint you) I don't walk around with a smile on my face 24/7.

Just leave us be."

yep.... I'm blessed with a resting bitch face unless I'm smiling.... but.... it's my face..even when I'm happy!

I sympathise with you... I really do

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

Actually I think you will find people weren't OK with it they Just didn't feel they had a voice or could speak out because people would make comments just like yours!"

Yeah, I say nothing and seek my escape.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"I've been lost in thought on a bus and been told..cheer up it might never happen.

Or smile, or something similar.

I have never taken it to be anymore than someone breaking the ice.

Once it was by an old boy and I definitely did not read anything negative in it.

I have spoken to lots of elderly people who never see a soul.

Some even seem grateful for a conversation on a long bus journey.

I suppose every such is interaction is different but I didn't have a problem with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seems guys can't do right no matter what. Moan about what you want to but fuck off if you think everyone should agree with you. I would rather save my moaning for those that are fuck off horrible. But even then I can't really be arsed because the forum never sides with me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With all dialogue between people it’s all about intent and context for me. Some people will find a reason to be offended, some won’t. But for me it’s intent and context.

Not even going to get into the argument of if it’s misogynistic or not as I don’t know the persons intent or the context and only the person saying it really knows, so it’s then up to the person to decide how to take that information.

FYI I have defo said this sentence to my male friends before lol

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

"Seems guys can't do right no matter what. Moan about what you want to but fuck off if you think everyone should agree with you. I would rather save my moaning for those that are fuck off horrible. But even then I can't really be arsed because the forum never sides with me"

Should we be in agreement on something I would back you up just like I would for anyone.

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By *olly_chromaticTV/TS over a year ago

Stockport

Random to me: "You'd look prettier if you smiled"

Me to random: "Fuck off and die"

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By *zoreanMan over a year ago

Witney

Marry me!!!! Finally,someone with some fucking sense around here!!! YOU'RE A FREAKING STAR!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t think everyone should agree, it would make for a boring debate, and if I agreed with you, I would say so.

I appreciate it’s not ‘fuck off horrible’, but actually, if it makes people feel uncomfortable, that’s ok, it’s their right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There was a day when it would be the height of rudeness to say that. It should still be. I wouldn't dare say that to a complete stranger and I'd think very carefully about saying it to someone I knew well.

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By *iaisonseekerMan over a year ago

Liverpool

"Random to me: "You'd look prettier if you smiled"

Me to random: "Fuck off and die""

Ironically, this made me smile. Not sure if I looked prettier though

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By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

"This is why I'm quite glad of masks. Might just continue wearing one forever!

You could wear one of those masks that have a huge smile printed onto them."

That would be false advertising

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

I haven’t had it said to me much. Maybe I’m a Cheerie soul

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By *ellhungvweMan over a year ago

Cheltenham

"Having been publicly humiliated by groups of women or girls (particularly at school) I would attest to that. Apart from one time I was assaulted by an older girl on the school bus, I never felt in physical danger but the shame and cruelty is hard to forget."

Amen to this.

I could take the physical bullying from the boys at school because it was just pain but the shame of being laughed at regularly by all the girls in front of the whole class who took pride in making me go red with embarrassment still hurts thirty years later.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds "

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!"

Chil - wom - birds are to be seen and not heard.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I haven’t had it said to me much. Maybe I’m a Cheerie soul

Iv had it said to me by a random stranger whilst I was stood outside a mortuary building after seeing my mother.

A man in his 50's said "smile love you look miserable and I reckon you are pretty when you smile"

The People who are saying no harm is meant certainly doesn't help in situations like that and people need to read their surroundings and the situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!

Chil - wom - birds are to be seen and not heard."

It definitely seems the case.

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

"I haven’t had it said to me much. Maybe I’m a Cheerie soul

Iv had it said to me by a random stranger whilst I was stood outside a mortuary building after seeing my mother.

A man in his 50's said "smile love you look miserable and I reckon you are pretty when you smile"

The People who are saying no harm is meant certainly doesn't help in situations like that and people need to read their surroundings and the situation."

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

"I haven’t had it said to me much. Maybe I’m a Cheerie soul

Iv had it said to me by a random stranger whilst I was stood outside a mortuary building after seeing my mother.

A man in his 50's said "smile love you look miserable and I reckon you are pretty when you smile"

The People who are saying no harm is meant certainly doesn't help in situations like that and people need to read their surroundings and the situation."

Well he certainly got that one wrong then

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By *zoreanMan over a year ago

Witney

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!

Chil - wom - birds are to be seen and not heard.

It definitely seems the case. "

When people tell me that im fat, I don't moan about it, I deal with it lol. Therefore, deal with it mate.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!

Chil - wom - birds are to be seen and not heard.

It definitely seems the case.

When people tell me that im fat, I don't moan about it, I deal with it lol. Therefore, deal with it mate."

We do deal with it lol.

And we are dealing with it lol.

Education is part of it lol.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Thisss!!!!

Honestly too much moaning from some birds

And this here is the problem that we are expected to put up and shut up!

Chil - wom - birds are to be seen and not heard.

It definitely seems the case.

When people tell me that im fat, I don't moan about it, I deal with it lol. Therefore, deal with it mate."

Just because you deal with things that way doesn't mean everybody has to.

I don't have to put up with people who try to put me down or try to degrade me, I have too much respect for myself to just put up with people talking to me in a way that's disrespectful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything. "

I think you need to read some of the resent comments again.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything. "

And how do you know the content and intent of a complete stranger?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

I think you need to read some of the resent comments again. "

No I don’t, that’s individuals, not we or them.

Not everyone will agree, part of life and part of being human. But not all women agree with you, and not all me agree with some of the other comments. So it’s not a gender thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

And how do you know the content and intent of a complete stranger?"

I don’t and neither do you unless you ask

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

I think you need to read some of the resent comments again.

No I don’t, that’s individuals, not we or them.

Not everyone will agree, part of life and part of being human. But not all women agree with you, and not all me agree with some of the other comments. So it’s not a gender thing. "

In the context of the OP i think it is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

And how do you know the content and intent of a complete stranger?

I don’t and neither do you unless you ask "

Exactly and I am not going to ask a complete stranger who has just made me uncomfortable by telling me I need to smile so i look pretty what their intentions are.

That is why it shouldn't be said on its own and the often is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

I think you need to read some of the resent comments again.

No I don’t, that’s individuals, not we or them.

Not everyone will agree, part of life and part of being human. But not all women agree with you, and not all me agree with some of the other comments. So it’s not a gender thing.

In the context of the OP i think it is. "

So this is basically a negative post towards men against women then... even tho not all men have said that term, and not all men that say it mean it the way it’s taken, and versions of that sentence will be said to TV or males too.... but this is about men speaking to women and it only is meant negatively, and every time it has been said the intent has been questioned and has been found to be misogynistic

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything. "

If someone stands on your foot, and it hurts, and you ask them not to, does it matter that they thought they were sending mystical healing vibes through their standing on your foot?

No. It matters that you're standing on their foot.

Some women don't like being told to smile (and the OP is about women being told to smile). Many contexts in which we're told to smile include complete strangers interrupting stuff we have to do.

If your intention is to do something good, then why not take the information provided and do better?

If your intention is to do what you want regardless of what the recipient wants - then your intention does indeed matter, and it sucks.

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By *icolerobbieCouple over a year ago

walsall

[Removed by poster at 26/03/21 22:56:19]

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

And how do you know the content and intent of a complete stranger?

I don’t and neither do you unless you ask

Exactly and I am not going to ask a complete stranger who has just made me uncomfortable by telling me I need to smile so i look pretty what their intentions are.

That is why it shouldn't be said on its own and the often is."

I did once, after someone repeated the question and called me a nasty bitch.

Because it was never an obligation free nice thing, and it wasn't about me, except that I should perform for him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

If someone stands on your foot, and it hurts, and you ask them not to, does it matter that they thought they were sending mystical healing vibes through their standing on your foot?

No. It matters that you're standing on their foot.

Some women don't like being told to smile (and the OP is about women being told to smile). Many contexts in which we're told to smile include complete strangers interrupting stuff we have to do.

If your intention is to do something good, then why not take the information provided and do better?

If your intention is to do what you want regardless of what the recipient wants - then your intention does indeed matter, and it sucks."

Don’t even get your example with the foot lol

And again your assuming this person knows how to do better, your assuming this person is capable of better communication, your assuming this person understands the discomfort it causes. Many many things can be listed.... all fall under intent... meaning they may not INTEND to be rude or disrespectful etc. It’s late and I’m over this now haha

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By *zoreanMan over a year ago

Witney

"That is why it shouldn't be said on its own and the often is."

You should smile more often...

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By *annaBeStrongMan over a year ago

wokingham

It’s never the young pretty ones kicking off though is it

Always the older bigger ones

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

If someone stands on your foot, and it hurts, and you ask them not to, does it matter that they thought they were sending mystical healing vibes through their standing on your foot?

No. It matters that you're standing on their foot.

Some women don't like being told to smile (and the OP is about women being told to smile). Many contexts in which we're told to smile include complete strangers interrupting stuff we have to do.

If your intention is to do something good, then why not take the information provided and do better?

If your intention is to do what you want regardless of what the recipient wants - then your intention does indeed matter, and it sucks.

Don’t even get your example with the foot lol

If I stand on your foot with good intentions, does it matter that my intentions are good, or should I get the fuck off your foot?

Your intentions might be good, but they can still cause bad things.

I understand that you might not intend to be rude or disrespectful. But now you've been told. Some people really don't like this. So you can do better and think more about the effect of your behaviour. If you are unable to control your behaviour, perhaps seek medical advice.

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By *zoreanMan over a year ago

Witney

"If you are unable to control your behaviour, perhaps seek medical advice."

You should smile more often!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s never the young pretty ones kicking off though is it

Always the older bigger ones "

This is the problem and people say that this isn't about men and women and yet don't pick up on when a man is completely disrespectful just picks up on a woman when she tries to defend herself and other women.

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By *JB1954Man over a year ago

Reading

Amen to this.

I had similar many years back. Worked as a contractor in factory doing a big installation. There was a large production line with a lot of females. Ages from 18 to 60. Married , single divorced. I turned down going out with one of the females , was not attracted to her. I was asked by one of the other females , not me asking her. For about 6 months they gave me hell , snide comments to my face and more. Even if out with friends . If saw chatting to another female sometimes they would make remarks to her about me. Normally in toilet etc. Have found females can be worse as group than men if they want.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s never the young pretty ones kicking off though is it

Always the older bigger ones "

Your attitude towards women is shocking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are expected to put up and shut up? When did it escalate to a we against them? Some people get offended by things, some people don’t agree with it...

This isn’t a ‘we’ or ‘them’ thing, too much battle of genders going on here. Arguing over semantics at times.

I repeat... intent and context are everything.

If someone stands on your foot, and it hurts, and you ask them not to, does it matter that they thought they were sending mystical healing vibes through their standing on your foot?

No. It matters that you're standing on their foot.

Some women don't like being told to smile (and the OP is about women being told to smile). Many contexts in which we're told to smile include complete strangers interrupting stuff we have to do.

If your intention is to do something good, then why not take the information provided and do better?

If your intention is to do what you want regardless of what the recipient wants - then your intention does indeed matter, and it sucks.

Don’t even get your example with the foot lol

If I stand on your foot with good intentions, does it matter that my intentions are good, or should I get the fuck off your foot?

Your intentions might be good, but they can still cause bad things.

Yes yes it does, if someone does something with good intent rather than with malice 100% it makes I huge difference. Unquestionably

You seem to be directing that message at me but I am not suggesting that you should just shut up and put up, in fact I’ve said do you know the persons intent. Because I believe to me personally that’s important. You may disagree and therefore we ain’t going to agree. But I’ve had many things said to me in the past, and if it bothers me I ask what they mean by it to understand the intent before I decide if it’s rude or what ever... anyway. I’m out

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Well this went predictably

Women are people with our own stuff to do and have our own feelings. People should think about how they act and how it might be taken.

Apparently complicated concepts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It’s never the young pretty ones kicking off though is it

Always the older bigger ones

Your attitude towards women is shocking

It really is but I think he's doing it because he thinks the "younger, thinner women" will somehow like him more. What i don't think some people get is on the whole women don't like people who slate and put down other woman.

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