FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Single parents a little advice if you may....
Single parents a little advice if you may....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this?  |
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this? "
Does the school have breakfast clubs or after school care in place. Are there any neighbours who would help out?. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I work two days a week and qualify for the 15 free hours of nursery, so she's in nursery when I work. My exes Mum does one pick up and my Mum does the other.
My ex has very little to do with our daughter now and isn't allowed to be with her unsupervised.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to have no support. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this?
Does the school have breakfast clubs or after school care in place. Are there any neighbours who would help out?."
There is breakfast club...
No after school provision...and we are pretty new to area, with the separation had to move. Which makes it difficult. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this? "
What a douche it is his responsibility as well this pisses me off when dads have access to their kids and can’t be asked |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I work two days a week and qualify for the 15 free hours of nursery, so she's in nursery when I work. My exes Mum does one pick up and my Mum does the other.
My ex has very little to do with our daughter now and isn't allowed to be with her unsupervised.
I can't imagine how hard it must be to have no support. "
We do the best we can
I’m looking at work from home options though the ones I’m finding are quite rigid which wouldn’t allow for me to it and do school runs etc. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this?
What a douche it is his responsibility as well this pisses me off when dads have access to their kids and can’t be asked "
I agree it is both our responsibility and this is what was agreed prior to seperation...however it is his choice and having tried to discuss...he is an adult...very much his loss. (I try not to get angry about it ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this?
What a douche it is his responsibility as well this pisses me off when dads have access to their kids and can’t be asked
I agree it is both our responsibility and this is what was agreed prior to seperation...however it is his choice and having tried to discuss...he is an adult...very much his loss. (I try not to get angry about it )"
His loss twice I would say it’s making me angry lol |
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I’m a member of Gingerbread a charity for single parents. See if there’s one in your area, they often have meet ups so you can meet and make friends with other single parents. Hopefully this will then help you create a support group more friends who can help you with some childcare issues.  |
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When we split up, I set up my own self employed business to give me the flexibility of having half terms off, yes I bust a gut when when working, but the benefits outweigh it to not have to rely on him as childcare costs would have cost what I earn as a single parent and that was unsustainable |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You bloody don't and go effing crazy. Not much use u admit but you're not alone "
Thanks...I know there’s lots of us in the same situation...sometimes it just gets annoying! I miss working and having a decent income!! |
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By *abonWoman
over a year ago
L’boro/Ashby & Cheltenham |
My ex lives over an hour away and can’t help at all. No family less than 2 hours away.
My solution has been finding a school hours job. I have no other option... school does breakfast and after school till 4.45, but the cost would be too much unless I went back to project mgmt, which would mean longer hours than School can cover. Live 2 miles out of town so no childminders... and I don’t want that or long days at clubs for my family right now anyway.
So I’ve taken the hit... financial, mental and emotional. It kills me some days, but I try to look at the bigger picture. And this has been a godsend in lockdown, so I’ve just wrapped myself in the silver lining.
Good luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m a member of Gingerbread a charity for single parents. See if there’s one in your area, they often have meet ups so you can meet and make friends with other single parents. Hopefully this will then help you create a support group more friends who can help you with some childcare issues. "
I’ll have a look thank you!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"When we split up, I set up my own self employed business to give me the flexibility of having half terms off, yes I bust a gut when when working, but the benefits outweigh it to not have to rely on him as childcare costs would have cost what I earn as a single parent and that was unsustainable "
Going self employed is pretty much the only way forward that I can viably see....I have no idea doing what!!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My ex lives over an hour away and can’t help at all. No family less than 2 hours away.
My solution has been finding a school hours job. I have no other option... school does breakfast and after school till 4.45, but the cost would be too much unless I went back to project mgmt, which would mean longer hours than School can cover. Live 2 miles out of town so no childminders... and I don’t want that or long days at clubs for my family right now anyway.
So I’ve taken the hit... financial, mental and emotional. It kills me some days, but I try to look at the bigger picture. And this has been a godsend in lockdown, so I’ve just wrapped myself in the silver lining.
Good luck xx"
thank you...I know it’s tough...something will transpire one way or another!! |
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By *1011Woman
over a year ago
Barnsley |
Have you tried a childminder that can do school pick ups?
I'm single with 3 little ones and still working 3 days, I utilise breakfast club and after school club and the littlest one goes to the childminder.
Universal credit pays upto 85,% of childcare costs.
It's frustrating that my life revolves around drop off and pick ups whilst dad doesn't have to consider any of that but I make it work. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My situation is different as I share residency 50/50 with my ex, but I'm self-employed so can be very flexible with my working hours. My neighbour shares child care with a group of other single parents to keep costs down. They take turns to have the kids before and after school. |
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this? "
You don’t / can’t ... it’s a permanent struggle. I have to pay for wrap around care for my boys. X |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I work for a company that allows me to take my holidays when the kids have their holidays. Otherwise I would be stuck. I’m very lucky in this regard, plus they furloughed me when the kids went off last year and this year so I could stay home and look after them.
We live with my mum who has not the greatest health, so if anything happened to this job I think I’d have to get an evening job. I’d hate it though.
Their dad works and his mum and dad aren’t in the best health - so it’s tricky.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its really hard. I am on my own and have been since day 1.
Less of a problem for me now he is a horrible, smelly teenager but I've been there.
Im lucky, I work in a school so have holidays off and work hours he is at school.
Exception is when I help run afterschool club - 6pm which I do 2/3 days a week.
They are great , from someone seeing them on the inside they are a lifeline.
Worth having a look at what holiday schemes run either through your school or in the local area.
It does get easier , and remember you are awesome and doing a great job even if you don't always feel you are x |
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For school holidays there are often things going on at the university I work in. So there'll be a week sports camp, one of the centre's will do an educational day most holidays except Christmas. It's always worth looking at your local uni for these kind of things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i would try having an open conversation with your boss, they might be able to get you a flexible working request approved or even just something a but more informal between you both that would help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am self employed and work part time so I can do the schoolruns. Will never be well off financially, but I get that precious time with my girl.
You could ask at school or look online for registered child minders for after school care. I worked out that I would be no better off financially if I did that extra work and would then miss out a lot, so chose to go with tax credits until she is a bit bigger and more independent.
Theres no right or wrong answer, you have to do what you feel is right for your family. |
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The only way if no other support is to utilise breakfast clubs, after school clubs (not necessarily in school), other parents. I know new to your area, but ask your school if they are aware of any services offered or whether there is a group chat for parents of your year, they might be able to help.
It is just a matter of juggling it all until a solution found. It’s draining, but you will get there OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When we split up, I set up my own self employed business to give me the flexibility of having half terms off, yes I bust a gut when when working, but the benefits outweigh it to not have to rely on him as childcare costs would have cost what I earn as a single parent and that was unsustainable
Going self employed is pretty much the only way forward that I can viably see....I have no idea doing what!! "
Only fans |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone...there’s a few ideas here to have a look at...ultimately it’s looking at part time work that I can work around the children.
"
Good luck hope it all works out |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
I can only speak from my experience, been a single father for 7, going on 8 years, not imput from her mum. Luckily I have family who help me out with school runs but I have used the breakfast club on occasion.
I do know that some parents have other provision for pick up, such as private child care but, this can be pricey.
Same with holiday clubs.
It's hard, very hard but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Just take on problem at a time, you will be fantastic. |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
"It’s why I work in education and earn a pittance, because I have no support.
I hope you can make it work "
Yes, I'm also lucky I work in education so I get some of the holidays as well, I'm blessed realy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s why I work in education and earn a pittance, because I have no support.
I hope you can make it work Yes, I'm also lucky I work in education so I get some of the holidays as well, I'm blessed realy."
There are definitely advantages, but being skint sucks |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can only speak from my experience, been a single father for 7, going on 8 years, not imput from her mum. Luckily I have family who help me out with school runs but I have used the breakfast club on occasion.
I do know that some parents have other provision for pick up, such as private child care but, this can be pricey.
Same with holiday clubs.
It's hard, very hard but I wouldn't change it for the world.
Just take on problem at a time, you will be fantastic."
For some reason “one more step along the road I go” popped into my head
It is tough going...and has been disheartening seeing how many employers seem to have a lack of flexibility. I know things will work out...it’s finding what works for us as a family
Finding childcare would be amazing but they aren’t flexible on days so doesn’t work for shifts..plus depends on ages of kids.
Onwards and upwards |
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I had an amazing childminder. I’d have been lost without her. She was part of our family & we remain in touch. Ex works away a lot so couldn’t rely on him. Still can’t. He had/has them for 1 week during summer holidays & a few days between Xmas & New Year. I had to sort all other holidays. Youngest is year 9 now so a lot easier but I still don’t like them being home alone all day when I’m at work
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is there any chance you could strike a friendship up with your child's friends parents, especially if they're in a similar position. Then you may be able to help each other out. Your going to need a combination of a selection of the above ideas. I can only imagine how tough it is but you'll get through it and you can be ridiculously proud of yourself while dad is probably regretting being a douche. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex was also useless. I have an understanding employer that allows me to juggle hours to cover the school run. When they were younger, I made use of after school clubs, etc (not during covid though, sorry) and several understanding friends were on standby to scoop up mine along with their own kids til I could get to them. Juggling is hard but not impossible. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
My ex is two hours away from me, moved back here after we split, I'm fortunate my family are here and do all of my childcare, my kids school do do an extended provision before and after school and all day in the holidays so push come to shove I'd mange to work as I am now on slightly reduced hours, bit financially I don't know how I'd do it.
It's bloody hard that's all I'd admit and without my family I'd be royally screwed tbh |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Again thanks all...it’s a challenge and good to hear from others in similar positions... Though my children are not particularly young my youngest is 9 and I wouldn’t leave them all in the house on their own we’ve tried for short periods and I come home to a torrent of issues .
Finding a network of some form is key that much is evident...
Really appreciate everyone’s time commenting on this.x |
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Speak to the other mums at school, we would often take it in turns to do school runs and pick ups. I wasn't always sitting 8 so used to have kids on inset days, then they'd give me a free night at a weekend or something.
Also childminders can do just school runs and after school. |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
Its hard! I got a term time job in a school when my son was very young. Obviously financially not the easiest but there are ways you can supplement by doing extra at home being a bodyshop rep for example.
Loads of different companies now encourage people to sell through FB etc. A couple of people I know who do it actually get quite a good amount  |
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My mum had this same issue, so at 9 years old she taught me the route, put a house key around my neck and let me walk the 30 minutes to school alone and the 30 minutes back alone. I would then sit at home and do homework or watch tv until she got back. While it was not perfect it was what needed to be done and I learnt the value of independence at the time.
Lily |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The 10 till 2 shift should become more of a thing. Means many more lone parents of younger kids could get into employment without all the expense of extra childcare. There are a few more companies offering things like this but is probably care, cleaning or in a school type stuff and whilst not thrilling pays your bills and leaves you with more peace of mind about needing to be at the school gates twice a day. My two are old enough to let themselves in now when I am not there, but I would have asked for the midday shift if needed. Good luck. X |
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Not sure if you're working at the moment but if you start a new job you need to be sure that the working pattern suits because you can't make a flexible working request until you've been employed for 26 weeks. Even then they are very easy to turn down without an understanding manager. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this? "
Lol and people say single parents do nothing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The 10 till 2 shift should become more of a thing. Means many more lone parents of younger kids could get into employment without all the expense of extra childcare. There are a few more companies offering things like this but is probably care, cleaning or in a school type stuff and whilst not thrilling pays your bills and leaves you with more peace of mind about needing to be at the school gates twice a day. My two are old enough to let themselves in now when I am not there, but I would have asked for the midday shift if needed. Good luck. X"
The 10-2 or 9-3 would be perfect the closest I can find work like this is at least hour and half commute either way. I used to do this when in banking was great!(many years ago!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had two jobs and an ex who saw his kids once every two months but I did have family who could help at weekends but I was worn out.
I decided to become a childminder and it was the best thing I did for my situation. A school based job may be ideal for you. |
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this?
Does the school have breakfast clubs or after school care in place. Are there any neighbours who would help out?.
There is breakfast club...
No after school provision...and we are pretty new to area, with the separation had to move. Which makes it difficult. "
Primary school i'm guessing.
If i'm being perfectly honest, without help this will be hard, but not impossible. Sacrifices will be many, but worth it.
First thing i'd check is are there childminders in the area who will pick up from school til typically 6pm max. Failing that a new school that has after school care.
You can request flexible working (but in my experience, still cant do overtime (childcare) to pay it back so doesn't work for me).
Work from home?
Learn your employment laws, they cannot sack you for having to go get or stay at home with your kids nor can they prevent you from attending appointments (nay have to take as hol pay or no pay though), they cannot make you work overtime due to your kids either & if its in your contract that you must..i'd speak to hr.
It will get better once you find you feet & routine.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's tough I'm a single parent and work full time but it gets easier as they get older. My son is 13 now and it's pretty much plain sailing. But when he was young and needed picking up from school etc. I had to work part time there was no other way of doing it I had no family in my town to help. Just hang in there it gets better |
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"Ok seriousl question...
How do you work and sort children?
(Their dad before Christmas was helping with childcare however has decided that they are no longer his problem other then their visits.)
I’m trying to figure out the offset of working and doing the school runs childcare in holidays...I’ve no family support...and so is pretty much just me....
How do you balance or manage this? "
Well what an absolute bastard he is ey...work from home would be a good thing, have you chatted to your boss and explained the situation?..could you afford to go part time? and does the school have summer camps? must be so frustrating for you, I don't have any kids, I do feel for you hun, sting his ass for child maintenance...as much as you can get out of him. Good luck.. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Slightly different approach here.
Firstly I won’t work for an organisation that does encourage and support flexible working. Now I know everyone doesn’t have the luxury of that choice, but you do not have to suck up a job you don’t really want because you’re a single mum. I chose to keep going with my career even after I became a single parent and I had no idea how I was going to do it.
I have battled major guilt about my choice but ultimately I knew I needed it because I love my job and I love my financial independence.
I juggle some flexible hours around childcare both official and with friends. I repay the favour a few times a week when I can start later and take a few kids to school. I also travel (used to) and she stays with her mates she goes to school with. I try to repay that favour with babysitting so they can go out. Mums at the school gate would say “call if you ever need cover or help” it took a big swallow of pride but once I did everything got easier and I learned that people really meant it. It definitely does take a whole village sometimes to raise a child.
My daughter sometimes asks me to take a bit of time off and I always do because I know if she’s asking she needs it, but on the plus side she sees a hard working woman who is self sufficient and loves her job. I think she gets it. At least I hope she does. It’s not always easy and I’m often knackered but it’s my choice to be like this.
Sometimes you can allow yourself to be as happy as your kids.
Good luck finding your way. And don’t be afraid to try some things out to see how they work and change them if they don’t. It’s not failure.... it’s good decision making
V x
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Update....
Thank you all for the advice given. I have turned down several positions as they didn’t fit with what I need. I applied feeling the need to work and pressure of not working. However I have now accepted a job that works around my family commitments and working from home. Whilst not plain sailing it’s a relief to find an organisation who understands that life isn’t straightforward. Further to this prior to commencement I had a welfare call with the management to see what other support maybe useful.
I’m looking forward to balancing our lives a little more!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Update....
Thank you all for the advice given. I have turned down several positions as they didn’t fit with what I need. I applied feeling the need to work and pressure of not working. However I have now accepted a job that works around my family commitments and working from home. Whilst not plain sailing it’s a relief to find an organisation who understands that life isn’t straightforward. Further to this prior to commencement I had a welfare call with the management to see what other support maybe useful.
I’m looking forward to balancing our lives a little more!!!! "
Congrats my lovely x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After school clubs are good, they enjoy those, although spaces have been limited with the current situation, not sure if there back to normal now ?
I'm confused as to how anyone can think that being a parent means your only responsible part of the time, I can't get my head round that way of thinking
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"Update....
Thank you all for the advice given. I have turned down several positions as they didn’t fit with what I need. I applied feeling the need to work and pressure of not working. However I have now accepted a job that works around my family commitments and working from home. Whilst not plain sailing it’s a relief to find an organisation who understands that life isn’t straightforward. Further to this prior to commencement I had a welfare call with the management to see what other support maybe useful.
I’m looking forward to balancing our lives a little more!!!! "
That’s great news!! |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Update....
Thank you all for the advice given. I have turned down several positions as they didn’t fit with what I need. I applied feeling the need to work and pressure of not working. However I have now accepted a job that works around my family commitments and working from home. Whilst not plain sailing it’s a relief to find an organisation who understands that life isn’t straightforward. Further to this prior to commencement I had a welfare call with the management to see what other support maybe useful.
I’m looking forward to balancing our lives a little more!!!! "
Oh that's really good news |
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