FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Cant accommodate
Cant accommodate
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts  |
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It's one of a few signs that leads me to think things aren't as straightforward as a single fella. Of course there are many reasons other than being a fucking liar, however, tis the most common I've found
Spelt fucking wrong first try   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts "
If it’s an issue you could mention on profile why you can’t accommodate....xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I house share with a mate, as a younger teen I would have no problem with them hearing and seeing what I get up to, but now I like the privacy for me and the lady. I seem to get shot down when I try to explain this tho  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I house share with a mate, as a younger teen I would have no problem with them hearing and seeing what I get up to, but now I like the privacy for me and the lady. I seem to get shot down when I try to explain this tho "
Add it to your profile ..... I would if I thought it was an issue xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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And men don’t is the point I’m trying to make?
Seems women jump to conclusions whereas men probably don’t give it a second thought.
Just my opinion of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If people don't want to chat with or meet people who can't accommodate that's completely their choice, but equally no one owes any explanations to complete strangers about their home and personal circumstances. |
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"And men don’t is the point I’m trying to make?
Seems women jump to conclusions whereas men probably don’t give it a second thought.
Just my opinion of course "
I’ve no idea what men think. I can’t accommodate. No I won’t accommodate, it’s my home, my space, no way do I want possible stalkers knowing where I reside. Maybe men feel the same way? |
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By *rMrs84Couple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
"They could have kids or shared accommodation xx"
We can’t accommodate.
Actually that’s a lie we just won’t. It’s like you say, we have kids so we don’t invite strangers into our home, once we get to know someone that could change. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I house share with a mate, as a younger teen I would have no problem with them hearing and seeing what I get up to, but now I like the privacy for me and the lady. I seem to get shot down when I try to explain this tho "
I house share, have never found it to be an issue on here |
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I'm always asked why I don't accommodate the reason is because I'm in a shared house with no privacy but lots on here jump to the conclusion you must be married and cheating but they themselves don't accommodate but wow betide you if you tar them with the same brush |
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"And men don’t is the point I’m trying to make?
Seems women jump to conclusions whereas men probably don’t give it a second thought.
Just my opinion of course
I’ve no idea what men think. I can’t accommodate. No I won’t accommodate, it’s my home, my space, no way do I want possible stalkers knowing where I reside. Maybe men feel the same way?"
also had the stalker issue so another reason why I don't accom when I can and prefer a neutral place to meet or alfresco |
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You won't match the preferences of everyone and most of us won't be compatible with most other people. Be clear and you can let others decide for themselves.
A sufficiently large number of us have been directly hurt, or seen the devastation of others, due to cheating so our empathy leads us to avoid others getting that experience. Enough of us have had interaction with men here who have lied about their relationship status, so we are inherently open to others trying it on. We don't spend much time on it and some will prefer to not take any chances.
If it's an issue for you, explain it if you want to. Otherwise, keep your focus 100% on those who find you a match and ignore anyone else. Hotels etc are available, once meets get permitted. |
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"Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts "
It's another of fabs wonderful double standards I'm afraid. |
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Way you've gotta remember as wank and shit as it is, is that a fuckton of people have already been burnt by bullshit and excuses. You can't blame people for wanting to protect themselves.
Whether that is protecting yourself by not wanting a stranger in your home, or protecting yourself by listening to a potential red flag of not being able to accommodate.
And nah, a portion of men ain't fussed if a woman doesn't accommodate, they'd fuck her in a skip given half a chance and couldn't give a flying one if there's a husband and kids who's worlds may get crushed.
It ain't all about gender. It's about safety and hard lessons already learned in a lot of cases |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If people don't want to chat with or meet people who can't accommodate that's completely their choice, but equally no one owes any explanations to complete strangers about their home and personal circumstances."
Nail on the head |
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Unfortunately for single men, many people jump to conclusions when a man can't accommodate. There are so many reasons why people can't accommodate but people often assume it's because the man isn't single.
It's a shame people are so quick at jumping to conclusions in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps they just don’t want us in their homes, it’s their prerogative just the same as it is for women   "
This for me
Even if I could accommodate, I would choose not to. Personally I'd keep home and fab life separate.
Unfortunately it appears this is acceptable for women, but not for men. |
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"And men don’t is the point I’m trying to make?
Seems women jump to conclusions whereas men probably don’t give it a second thought.
Just my opinion of course "
Quite often because men in a lot of cases aren't as fussed whether someone is cheating or not. |
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I never assume the worst! I cant accomadate only very rare occasions as have 2 daughters live home now as one split with bf and came back home and she works from home! Was easier when just had the youngest living home as she goes out to work! All sorts of reasons not to b able to accomadate x |
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Cannot accommodate on a single man's profile usually DOES mean married/partnered up, in my experience.
If I'm interested, I'll ask him straight. If I'm satisfied with the answer, no problem. Happy to meet elsewhere.
I would suggest putting it on your profile, either way. Married or other living conditions that are not conducive to accomodating. |
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"Unfortunately for single men, many people jump to conclusions when a man can't accommodate. There are so many reasons why people can't accommodate but people often assume it's because the man isn't single.
It's a shame people are so quick at jumping to conclusions in life."
Well a lot of us have been hurt by men on Fab which is why we jump to those conclusions. I care not if they get offended by it. |
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"Cannot accommodate on a single man's profile usually DOES mean married/partnered up, in my experience.
If I'm interested, I'll ask him straight. If I'm satisfied with the answer, no problem. Happy to meet elsewhere.
I would suggest putting it on your profile, either way. Married or other living conditions that are not conducive to accomodating. "
Yes stick it on the profile then the women can decide if they wish to move it forward or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option. |
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"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option. "
Actually a club is best. It’s safer! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option. "
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The ones I've spoken to have either been living at home or in a shared house.
I haven't come across many people who live alone and can accommodate.
So it would have to be a hotel for at least the first meet. I'd have to know someone quite well before asking them to come to mine.
And I would think the majority of us ladies are also mums... So there's that and I've seen a few single parent dad's too!
I don't let it put me off either way. |
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"Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts "
There's lot of reasons people won't accommodate. We can't due to kids and even if we could we'd rather meet elsewhere. |
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I always thought that ‘won’t accommodate’ is better than ‘can’t’
It used to say on my profile that it’s because ‘I don’t want you in my house’.
I assume if it’s on a profile (man, woman or couple) that they think the same. A house is a sanctuary. |
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"I always thought that ‘won’t accommodate’ is better than ‘can’t’
It used to say on my profile that it’s because ‘I don’t want you in my house’.
I assume if it’s on a profile (man, woman or couple) that they think the same. A house is a sanctuary. "
I have can accommodate, doesn't fucking mean I will though, and can't travel as I don't drive, however I'll meet people at a club or locally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it depends on what someone is looking for. If someone is looking for a FWB then not being able to accommodate may well put them off.
It puts me off. I usually steer clear of anyone that can't accommodate be aude my first thought is that they are attached.
The fact they could have kids or live with family or be in a shared house etc is second thought.
But yes for me instant killer.
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"Unfortunately for single men, many people jump to conclusions when a man can't accommodate. There are so many reasons why people can't accommodate but people often assume it's because the man isn't single.
It's a shame people are so quick at jumping to conclusions in life.
Well a lot of us have been hurt by men on Fab which is why we jump to those conclusions. I care not if they get offended by it. "
Every one of us on here have been hurt in life by something that has happened, but personally we don't allow the past to dictate our future and we certainly don't tar all people with the same brush. We keep an open mind and evaluate each person as we find them. We find that works for us. |
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I've also seen married guys state that they can accommodate, meaning they'd book a hotel.
If there's a way around a problem, people find it. There are no safety measures on Fab, you just need to trust your instincts and ask lots of questions til you're comfortable.
C |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I don't assume it's because they are attached when I see it. There are lots of reasons why people don't want to accommodate.I have it on my own profile because my home is my safe place and not some where I will bring people I barely know back to .When I know and trust someone then I have no issue accomodating so I never judge anyone for saying it.I don't see why someone just because they are male are expected not to take the same precautions without being immediately and quite often wrongly judged . |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
No one should have to justify on their profile why they don't accomodate. It can be from inability to do so for myriad reasons to choosing not to even if they can.
If you're going to be automatically dismissed by someone else for this from the outset, it shouldn't be a problem; odds are good you wouldn't get on anyway. |
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"Unfortunately for single men, many people jump to conclusions when a man can't accommodate. There are so many reasons why people can't accommodate but people often assume it's because the man isn't single.
It's a shame people are so quick at jumping to conclusions in life.
Well a lot of us have been hurt by men on Fab which is why we jump to those conclusions. I care not if they get offended by it.
Every one of us on here have been hurt in life by something that has happened, but personally we don't allow the past to dictate our future and we certainly don't tar all people with the same brush. We keep an open mind and evaluate each person as we find them. We find that works for us."
In my case I seem to have ‘attracted’ married men which is not what I want and the majority of them state can’t accommodate. So I’ll assume initially they are married if they can’t accommodate. |
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"Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts "
Being a single woman, I seriously have to think about my safety before anything else...and that's my personal reason for not allowing anyone to my home for a shag  |
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"No one should have to justify on their profile why they don't accomodate. It can be from inability to do so for myriad reasons to choosing not to even if they can.
If you're going to be automatically dismissed by someone else for this from the outset, it shouldn't be a problem; odds are good you wouldn't get on anyway."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't accommodate and the reason I don't im a single dad and I have my children living in my home with me and won't have anyone around in my family home for that reason its my children's safe place and I won't have randoms around I don't think its right. That's my personal choice and if that means it puts some woman or couples off me then so be it. I put my family b4 myself and my play time |
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"As noone on this thread accommodates, where do you all meet? "
I will, once I've got to know someone. I've had a fair few forumites stay at mine after socials etc.
I'll generally meet at parties or clubs first time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As noone on this thread accommodates, where do you all meet? "
Well i have had meets at others homes or outdoor meets pubs coffee shops etc for social or even just a walk. Ice not been invited to a hotel as of yet  |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
I my last turn on here, I couldn't accommodate because I lived on the same property as my business.
There was large amounts of cash and alcohol there, so I was not going to invite some random stranger to share my bed there |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"As noone on this thread accommodates, where do you all meet? "
I meet at theirs or in hotels.
I meet one of my regular friends at his friend's flat.
One Day I'll give his friend a blow job as a thank you |
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I prefer to accommodate. I live alone & have no kids. I don't meet "strangers" though.
There will be a lot of conversation, etc, beforehand & usually a social (when places are open). I have no problem them knowing where I live as I'm not expecting it to be a one off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I house share and it was never an issue when I was on before.
I do look to see if a lady does or does not accommodate. If she doesn't then it's obviously not going to happen and move on, but I've never suddenly thought, oh is she doing it on the sly? Not going to make it my business either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't accommodate and don't feel the need to explain myself to others. I get that people lie about all sorts of things but I really don't have the time or energy to try and catch people out or grill them on their personal lives. Nor will I knowingly meet married guys. If people want to lie, they will. Some are bloody good at it too! I always insist on a social anyway to see how we get along.
It's a bit of a killer for me if someone can't accommodate or isn't willing to arrange a hotel. I don't automatically assume that they're attached but I certainly wouldn't be all that interested in getting to know them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I prefer to accommodate. I live alone & have no kids. I don't meet "strangers" though.
There will be a lot of conversation, etc, beforehand & usually a social (when places are open). I have no problem them knowing where I live as I'm not expecting it to be a one off. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s amazing how many middle aged men on here live in shared houses and can’t accommodate lol. "
Are you looking to meet middle aged men? You really should put it on your profile. |
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By *ilthyBIMan
over a year ago
Stoke- Newcastle staffs |
Im married and i want to cheat on my wife.
Thats what can not accomodate usually means.
I can inderstand why a lot of couples get fed up & ignore males when it says can not accomodate as almost every day i get messages asking me if i can get them some fun or i will come youre party and none of them can accomodate.I just ignore them .
I have even put it on my profile and if i keep getting stupid messages like that i will just block all males.
There is a few genuine males out there like single parents or those that live in shared accomodation but as we all know most of them are married.
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"Im married and i want to cheat on my wife.
Thats what can not accomodate usually means.
I can inderstand why a lot of couples get fed up & ignore males when it says can not accomodate as almost every day i get messages asking me if i can get them some fun or i will come youre party and none of them can accomodate.I just ignore them .
I have even put it on my profile and if i keep getting stupid messages like that i will just block all males.
There is a few genuine males out there like single parents or those that live in shared accomodation but as we all know most of them are married.
"
What do you mean by they ask if you can get them some fun? How would you get them some fun? |
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"It’s amazing how many middle aged men on here live in shared houses and can’t accommodate lol.
Are you looking to meet middle aged men? You really should put it on your profile. "
I’m going by what my female friends tell me on here. One of these middle aged guys that lived in a shared house used to visit my friend once a week. He was so considerate he would bring his own shower gel with him to use before he left.
I wonder why that was? |
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"It’s amazing how many middle aged men on here live in shared houses and can’t accommodate lol.
Are you looking to meet middle aged men? You really should put it on your profile.
I’m going by what my female friends tell me on here. One of these middle aged guys that lived in a shared house used to visit my friend once a week. He was so considerate he would bring his own shower gel with him to use before he left.
I wonder why that was? "
Because he was married and had to shower the scent of her off himself..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Spose it depends what you're looking for, I'm looking for a fwb so would look to meet at his/mine eventually once you establish things. If a man can't accommodate then yeah, I make assumptions as stated on my profile, if they have a rationale, fair enough, I appreciate we all have different circumstances. Too many times 'single' turned out to be married after some conversation, best prediction of future behaviour is past behaviours. |
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"It’s amazing how many middle aged men on here live in shared houses and can’t accommodate lol.
Are you looking to meet middle aged men? You really should put it on your profile.
I’m going by what my female friends tell me on here. One of these middle aged guys that lived in a shared house used to visit my friend once a week. He was so considerate he would bring his own shower gel with him to use before he left.
I wonder why that was?
Because he was married and had to shower the scent of her off himself....."
Bingo! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have cant accommodate, cant travel, because i’m not keen on doing either (i mean long distances obviously but some people assume it means you can’t leave your couch
once i get talking to someone and have met them socially i am open to changing both my preferences if i like them
i wouldn’t take can’t accommodate on its own as a guy cheating, but from experience it would be one tick in the red flag box and then i keep an eye out for others , sadly 9/10 when i get a feel someone is pretending to be single i am right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope, I may ask why, but many share a house with others.
I do, but I can accommodate as I share with another fabber and have my own private space/entrance.
Besides, I tend to meet at clubs anyway |
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"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option. "
Totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We "can" accommodate but after a bad experience, won't be again until we have met at a club first. With that being said, we have decided not to seek home meets from anyone else in the first instance either. N xx |
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By *ilthyBIMan
over a year ago
Stoke- Newcastle staffs |
I know a lot of BI couples mostly from chams club and because it says i will be having a party they ask to come .
One male other day just said 'I will come a party at youres let me know when it is and i will see if i can fit it in' Thats all that was in message. I get messages asking if i know any BI couples and they will meet them with me. Another message said 'Hi im married would be great if you can sort a meet out as my wife does not know so can not accomodate' .
Like i said earlier i will end up blocking them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option.
Totally agree"
Totally agree with you too x i was meaning the can't travel bit x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why it's such a big deal. Why would anyone want to bring someone they barely know back to their home even if they don't have kids or a wife? Surely a hotel is always the best option.
Totally agree
Totally agree with you too x i was meaning the can't travel bit x "
i just read cant travel as wont be going 50 miles plus for a shag, i don’t count local as travel |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
I don't accommodate & never will for fab meets.
Whilst I appreciate that there are many reasons why a 'single' male may be unable or unwilling to accommodate, in my experience, it is quite often because they are married or in a relationship.
Fab certainly seems to have a disproportionate number of middle aged men who live in shared houses. In the real world I dont know anyone my age who lives in shared accommodation, yet on here it is apparently extremely common and they all seem to share houses with Puritans so can never bring back guests
I generally prefer to meet in clubs from a safety point of view anyway, but I am not interested in meeting men who are cheating so I am always on the look out for red flags. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As noone on this thread accommodates, where do you all meet? "
If I meet on my own, I will want to meet at theirs
That's because I don't enjoy hotel, club, car or outdoor meets
If that isn't possible, we just don't meet
It really is that simple
If I meet with my other half, the meets will generally be at ours
I wouldn't meet someone back here to shag, whilst my other half was in another room
If we're all involved though, all is good
Socially, the few I have met are welcome round any time for brews
I will warn y'all now though, the sink in the bathroom is bolloxed and I have no intention of replacing it til the whole bathroom gets done |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had plenty of meets at my home when my kid was young and i could get babysitters/ grandparents to have but nowadays I'd only do a social meet then a hotel meet and go dutch. Adult son living at home I'd just tell the truth. If she don't like it then so be it. I'd not lose any sleep over it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this an instant killer for many women? If I see this on a ladies profile I don’t assume the worst of them, assume they’re playing away or are hiding something. However it appears that this is the first thing many ladies think when it appears on a mans profile.
Just curious as to Fabs thoughts "
I tell you what would put me off the most, not the fact you can't accommodate, but the passive aggression in the statement you make about it on your profile
That may well be borne from a position of frustration, but it will certainly put off more than it attracts
Also...
Is this thing with your mate long term or a temporary thing?
Will you have your own place shortly, say within 6-12 months?
If so, why not mention that
It gives a more positive spin on your situation
Unless, of course, you never intend to accommodate
In that case, just be honest and state upfront that you prefer to meet in hotels or clubs
It will always be prohibitive (to some) for a guy not to accom, but you can make it sound less of an issue by how you word it and by being flexible in how you can meet |
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It's very unlikely a cheat would be able to accommodate so by avoiding those that can't is a very good way to avoid them.
It really is that simple.
Whether female cheats are treated the same as male treats is a whole different question and isn't 'double standards', It is a difference that people will take their own stance on |
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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago
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It doesn't matter for us because we only do club meets but we have a rule that we don't shag other people in our house, we are in an open relationship but don't feel the need to bring that into our home.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's very unlikely a cheat would be able to accommodate so by avoiding those that can't is a very good way to avoid them.
It really is that simple.
Whether female cheats are treated the same as male treats is a whole different question and isn't 'double standards', It is a difference that people will take their own stance on"
i agree in the double standard comment , a double standard would be me saying i wont meet a man that cant accommodate but i will meet a woman that cant , or someone thinking its great if they fuck a line up of people but unacceptable if someone of the opposite sex does
most women thinking one thing while most men think another isn’t a double standard its a difference of opinion |
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