FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Covert gaslighting?
Covert gaslighting?
Jump to: Newest in thread
Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not had anything like this but if you're lying at the very beginning to find a way in, I imagine that wouldn't give you much hope for carrying on the conversation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
try the old 'I've seen you here' 'do you remember me' 'ohhh I knew it was you' BS.. Or even the 'no reply. Knew you were a time wasting slag' (or words to that effect) To try and illicit a response... If only to inform them they have the wrong person.
 Px |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s when they say HI it really throws me off track the sneaky fuckers.
T"
I'm a sucker for this. apologies.
TBH I don't get those who expect a 50 shades of message to start. although I recognise the M:F ratios do make it hard to sort the corn from the chaff |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *arabWoman
over a year ago
derbyshire |
"Beautiful picture" = they are all private you cant see them haha
"Can i ask you a question"
"Your a fake because your not replying"
Or my favorite line "your on a sex site stop being fussy you should greatful i even messaged you"   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie "
I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Or of course, the age old ‘even if you’re not interested can you reply and let me know if I’m wasting my time’. No reply = a tonne of abuse. A polite reply saying no = an excuse to send me more messages |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
There's a lot of trickery/fakery going on on here (my age and height aren't correct).
One must use one's noddle to see through it.
Men who send a message as if they know me give me something to smile about.
I might even chat to one or two of them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I had someone message me on two separate occasions, saying they had seen me in an Asda store, with a child.
I was in a store quite close to Asda at the time so I think they had used the who's near function and were trying to work out if it was me.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Copy and pasted massage, random friend request or a shadow asking if they can suck my cock or impregnate their wife.
I need a shower now."
Is that trying to trick you into responding by making you question your own memory though? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie
I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect "
Tis a swear word for most  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here. "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here. "
I just don't get what they gain other than becoming despised for being a liar and trying to manipulate.
They're creating their own frustrations. Yes I can understand how shit it must feel getting fuck all back, but surely that's when you think "right, this isn't what I was expecting, maybe I should concentrate the effort I'm putting into messages on something that is far more beneficial, like going to an organised social where the people attending actually want to speak, that's the whole point of them being there" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *olgateMan
over a year ago
on the road to nowhere in particular |
"To be fair anything that is more than ‘Hi’ or mentioning ‘Spurs’ they’ve actually thought outside the box, even if the content is a wee lie
I would never mention Spurs, I have a modicum of self respect
Tis a swear word for most "
Ars*n+\ cough is the swear word I don’t use |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Most people crave contact, even if it's negative in nature, it's better than none at all."
I don't see it as gaslighting. Just an attempt at getting any human contact at all. Same with abusive messages, it's just to make someone reply. A "Fuck off" reply is still a reply from a human being.. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think whatever we do to attract someone its a form of fishing.
That could be showing your best angle in photos or (if your a glutton for punishment)reading someones profile to find starting points for conversation.
If you fall for the crafty lines though, I doubt they would have much respect for you.
I have been intentionally crafty on this post with the comment (if your a glutton for punishment) could be a little nod to show you I've read your profile but It is still coercive!
  ?? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
The old, we've spoken before
Yes, most likely when you sent the same message a few weeks ago and I didn't reply.
I had one a few years ago adament we'd met, we hadn't and then there followed well we could always meet now.
I know I'm over/under your age limits..
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think whatever we do to attract someone its a form of fishing.
That could be showing your best angle in photos or (if your a glutton for punishment)reading someones profile to find starting points for conversation.
If you fall for the crafty lines though, I doubt they would have much respect for you.
I have been intentionally crafty on this post with the comment (if your a glutton for punishment) could be a little nod to show you I've read your profile but It is still coercive!
??"
I don't think it shows anything other than you've read a bit of my profile. That's what they're there for, to find a common ground or basis to start from.
Saying you'd read it and enjoyed it would be different if you hadn't, coz that would be bollocks.
Cold calling "you've been involved in an accident" bullshit. We've all had those calls. They're con phone calls, a scam in a sense.
Stating someone has spoken to you before, you've met before, their best mates dog told them to contact you, basically, if they know it ain't true it's essentially a scam.
And as for respect, if they had any whatsoever they'd not try to trick you in the first place. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hello I don’t know if you remember me we meet xxxxx amount off years ago I have just come back
We talked before on xxx site would you like to chat hear
My friend meet you before would you like to meet me
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"‘Can I ask you a question’ and ‘you’re such a hot couple’ (I have no pictures of my partner up). "
This!
'You're such a cute couple/you look great together etc etc.
Zero pictures of male partner in public view due to not playing with others. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in? "
I get, alot "Hey (insert any female name but mine) how you been?"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Trying to instigate any form of conversation with ladies on fab is not easy girls, it’s no wonder guys resort to ‘snide’ tactics as you put it. No I’m not condoning that but I do understand why it’s happening. If you have ever seen a male Black Widow spider try to engage with a female then that’s what it sometimes is like on here. "
I think that's a fair point. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So many rules and regulations, not all of us are scammers or out to decieve anyone. Reading this i now understand abit more why alot of profiles have these regulations, just sometimes there is a real genuine person trying to contact your profile. You may drive off the good ones with all the guidelines especially the profiles that ask for face pic on the first msg or no reply, and face pics are not a gaurantee of a reply. Being told what to send someone or not to send someone eliminates the chance of you finding out anything about this person, how can you evaluate someones character if you have told them what to say or not to say? Not having an argument just asking in general |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?
Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?
Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I hate manipulation. Maybe some folk think they have to do that shit to get replies? Or maybe they're just arseholes? Probs a bit of both.
It's a shame too as it makes people cautious. Understandable though, if there's a small chance they could be nutters it's best not to chance it.
I prefer the honest and straight forward way myself. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I am a very cautious person. I rarely trust what anyone says, preferring where possible to validate things for myself as I find people can and do lie, deceive and otherwise manipulate others for their own gain.
If someone believes they stand to benefit from their duplicitous behaviour then it can be hard for them to act in any other way. The internet makes that so much easier as you no longer have to be in close proximity to any potential targets. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Isn’t that more cat fishing than gaslighting?
Pretending to be some other person than who thru really are, gaslighting to me has far darker undertones than Dave trying to be 6 years younger and still have all his own hair "
That's what I'm trying to work out. As I understand it gaslighting is trying to confuse someone and have them believe that something may or may not have happened, they doubt themselves. Even though they truly think they know, doubt gets cast and they wonder if perhaps it did happen and maybe they forgot, weren't concentrating, had a bit much to drink even.
By telling someone you've spoken before, met before, that they've seen you in a location that may be close to you or somewhere you do frequent at times but you don't remember being there it can have ya thinking "fuck me did I? I know I've been tired lately but I thought I'd remember that. I must be fuckihg losing it"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in? "
They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?
They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc. "
I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We get a lot of single guys saying ‘your pics are fantastic’
To which we’ll reply ‘thanks for the compliments’
Then they come back with ‘FAF’
We say ‘we aren’t looking for single guys’
You could have stuck it on the first message to save us both having to send 2 messages
But if I pre-empt it and say ‘thanks, but we aren’t looking’, they come back with ‘erm, I didn’t ask to meet’
K |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?
They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc.
I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember. "
I’ve been to Tooting  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Thanks for looking at my profile bla bla bla
Erm....
A) I'm in ninja mode so even if I did you wouldn't know
B) your profile name is blue, if I'd looked it would show as purple.
What other snide tactics do people use to instigate communication?
Do you think they intend to confuse or genuinely see it as a acceptable way in?
They just message. No ones ever said ‘I’ve met you’ etc.
I've had loads claiming to have met me in places I've never been. If I HAD been to those places tho, I'd be wondering if I had and couldn't remember.
I’ve been to Tooting "
I ain't well, driven through it a couple of times in my 20s but that's it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think whatever we do to attract someone its a form of fishing.
That could be showing your best angle in photos or (if your a glutton for punishment)reading someones profile to find starting points for conversation.
If you fall for the crafty lines though, I doubt they would have much respect for you.
I have been intentionally crafty on this post with the comment (if your a glutton for punishment) could be a little nod to show you I've read your profile but It is still coercive!
??
I don't think it shows anything other than you've read a bit of my profile. That's what they're there for, to find a common ground or basis to start from.
Saying you'd read it and enjoyed it would be different if you hadn't, coz that would be bollocks.
Cold calling "you've been involved in an accident" bullshit. We've all had those calls. They're con phone calls, a scam in a sense.
Stating someone has spoken to you before, you've met before, their best mates dog told them to contact you, basically, if they know it ain't true it's essentially a scam.
And as for respect, if they had any whatsoever they'd not try to trick you in the first place."
I agree, replacing someones memories with your own script is Gaslighting but
be careful of the more subtle ones too!
It's easy to be profiled when we do the job for them. No coincidences.
I have been known to send messages that are complete bollocks however,in a surreal comical sense.One day, maybe someone will get me but it's not happened yet! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
... of course you do... 
