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Elderly and vulnerable
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No, not me! My Dad. Just had the Police on the phone (again) to say he's reported his wallet being stolen (again) because he left the door unlocked. The door I had super duper security locks installed on after he was broken into in September...
Since that break in, he's had about four identity theft attempts and my brother and I have been worried about his ability to handle these BUT because the dementia/memory clinic has been closed due to Covid, he's not had his issues formally diagnosed and agencies won't talk to us. Action Fraud would not talk to us, only him, for example. Talking to him is about as much use as sticking you head in a blender because he simply has no short (or medium) term memory. He now DOES have an appointment at the memory clinic next week (thank goodness) but trying to get help for him recently has been impossible.
I'm looking into remotely monitored CCTV systems for his house now and the Police are reporting him to a multi agency team for vulnerable people (I have contacted the council and social services before, but got nowhere).
I wish there weren't so many scumbags around  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This sounds an extremely stressful situation for you all. My mother also had issues with short term memory loss, hers caused by Alzheimers. It is only when you find yourself in this situation that you realise how inadequate care services can be. I felt that none of the agencies were joined up at all and it was deeply frustrating. My mother also went to a memory clinic and the where she was diagnosed and the meds they prescribed did bring her back a little for a while. Good luck with your situation and I hope things become at least a little less stressful for you all. |
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"Oh im sorry this keeps happening.
Have you spoken to him about someone having power of attorney?
"
I'd echo that although it can be next to impossible to get older people to agree to.
I sympathise/empathise/share your frustration |
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Could these events all be connected to the same person or people? Has someone cottoned on to his situation and is taking advantage of it? Would be agree to a carer visiting for a short time each day? |
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Is there any sensor locks you could get so you know the doors locked or a neighbour who could check on him. Can he do facetime so you could make sure the doors locked. It's a wee shame but the more his dementia progresses the harder it's going to get. You'll need to set things in place
T |
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I have PoA for medical reasons but at the time, he declined to do it for financial reasons. That's because he was embarrassed about his finances. We now need the memory clinic to agree he is capable of signing a PoA for finance because of his impairment. Basically if we just do it, it might be null and void if a doc thinks he's not able to consent.
I absolutely LOVE the police force he lives in the jurisdiction of. The officer has been out promptly, discussed all of the issues (including frauds etc) and has told me he'll be contacting the various agencies to get them resolved, he's making a vulnerable person referral to the multi agency board etc. My Dad stated that he doesn't need or want help (and this is our problem)...
Some Police forces (including the one here) are shocking when it comes to relatively minor crime, but his local force have been absolutely brilliant each time. |
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"Could these events all be connected to the same person or people? Has someone cottoned on to his situation and is taking advantage of it? Would be agree to a carer visiting for a short time each day?"
I think that's likely (same people) but he's declined help and when we did have carers going in last year, he refused to let them in, was rude to them and put Post-its in the window saying he was on holiday  |
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"Maybe try a ring doorbell or camera so you at least get notified of people at or around the door and you can speak out at them to chase them off"
Yes looking into this and a remotely monitored CCTV system too. |
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You are on my pet subject now OP! I've actually got written on the end of my profile that because of looking after my mum, who has mixed dementia and athrites in both knees leaving her virtually wheelchair bound, as well as I have been running the firm from here before covid was invented, is the reason why I haven't been having so many meets lately. I'm not Norman Bates by any stretch of the imagination, but my mum is not going to be hived off into a granny farm to vegetate, nor am I helping to finance some granny farmers next BMW or Mercedes Benz.
I got my youngster to install cameras here which actually send a message to my phone the minute anyone comes near the place. I can also speak back through them to the person at the front door, and ask them what they want, and even tell them that I can't come to the door at the moment because I'm in the bath when I am nowhere near the place. I've also got them configured to two other family mobile phones so as they also get alerted. He got them on the internet for me on a black Friday sale, and I think that they were about £200 each, but worth it. Message me privately if you want the details. Best regards Dave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP you echo so many fears I have ref my parents
Mum is in poor physical health, Dad in poor mental health
I am only 10 minutes away, but it feels like a million miles every time I leave them
They just don't see the dangers they put themselves in
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"OP you echo so many fears I have ref my parents
Mum is in poor physical health, Dad in poor mental health
I am only 10 minutes away, but it feels like a million miles every time I leave them
They just don't see the dangers they put themselves in
"
My brother and I live an hour away from him, so it's incredibly difficult to just call in frequently. My brother works odd shifts for Aldi (who are SHIT with compassionate leave etc), has two young children and I am physically disabled, plus have a 4yo and Mr KC and I both work FT. My brother and I are his only family.
I'm researching doorbell cams, CCTV systems etc. It'll be me paying for it so I want to get it right!
I wonder what the memory clinic says when we go |
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"Could these events all be connected to the same person or people? Has someone cottoned on to his situation and is taking advantage of it? Would be agree to a carer visiting for a short time each day?
I think that's likely (same people) but he's declined help and when we did have carers going in last year, he refused to let them in, was rude to them and put Post-its in the window saying he was on holiday "
If I know you, you will have already done this but have you spoken to Age Concern? |
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Sorry to hear OP, been in a similar situation and know how worrying and stressful it can be.
There are sensor systems available which can send you door alerts if doors are left open for any length of time, also wandering alerts.
Dementia uk is a good source of info, and Age Uk.
Your/his local council might have a care line that does similar monitoring but some are better than others.
Hug of support to you.
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My dad ad dementia short term he would mess around the house turn boiler off always getting phone calls off him saying he needed help...my heart gos out 2 u my friend ..I wish my dad was still here God I miss him ..x |
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"Sorry to hear OP, been in a similar situation and know how worrying and stressful it can be.
There are sensor systems available which can send you door alerts if doors are left open for any length of time, also wandering alerts.
Dementia uk is a good source of info, and Age Uk.
Your/his local council might have a care line that does similar monitoring but some are better than others.
Hug of support to you.
"
I had a Careline installed last year after he'd been in hospital for a time but he had it uninstalled
We need to get him to understand that the CCTV/doorbell thing is to keep him safe, not to spy on him |
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"Also has an adult social care referral been made?
I'm suggesting all this in the knowledge that you've probably already done it"
I dealt with them last year, yes. They provided short term care support after a period in hospital but as above, he shooed them away and declines any help offered. He's trying to tell me I shouldn't go with him to the memory clinic, even though it says you should bring a close family member of at all possible! (I'm going, come hell or high water!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm so sorry KC, that sounds so upsetting and stressful. I second Lornajo, power of attorney sounds appropriate here. I hope you all get more support soon! Massive hugs  "
this 100% and dont give in with the social care side of things its a fact the louder you shout the more help you get get to his dr too and push ...sadly we are living in the days of having to over moan over shout and this was even without covid |
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"Also has an adult social care referral been made?
I'm suggesting all this in the knowledge that you've probably already done it
I dealt with them last year, yes. They provided short term care support after a period in hospital but as above, he shooed them away and declines any help offered. He's trying to tell me I shouldn't go with him to the memory clinic, even though it says you should bring a close family member of at all possible! (I'm going, come hell or high water!)"
I recognise so much of this.
This is very easy for me to say and very difficult to put into practice but as far as possible you need to recognise when you have done all you can and try and find peace of mind in that |
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"I'm so sorry KC, that sounds so upsetting and stressful. I second Lornajo, power of attorney sounds appropriate here. I hope you all get more support soon! Massive hugs
this 100% and dont give in with the social care side of things its a fact the louder you shout the more help you get get to his dr too and push ...sadly we are living in the days of having to over moan over shout and this was even without covid "
Thank you. I've extensive conversions with his GP, all very frustrating to be honest. It was a good thing he was admitted to hospital a few weeks back because it gave medical professionals the opportunity to observe him over a period of 3 days and they are definitive that he has significant cognitive issues. His GP has denied he has problems but did refer to the memory clinic. We've waited over a year for this |
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I work within social services (finance side). Have you thought about applying for Deputyship for him? And / or a Power of Attorney? Will probably need to wait the outcome of the memory clinic though now xx
Good luck - it breaks my heart when I hear what some of my service users go through xx
J x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh im sorry this keeps happening.
Have you spoken to him about someone having power of attorney?
I'd echo that although it can be next to impossible to get older people to agree to.
I sympathise/empathise/share your frustration"
Yes we are currently having this battle with Ash's dad.  |
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"I work within social services (finance side). Have you thought about applying for Deputyship for him? And / or a Power of Attorney? Will probably need to wait the outcome of the memory clinic though now xx
Good luck - it breaks my heart when I hear what some of my service users go through xx
J x"
Thanks. As a previous post, I have PoA for health but not finance (my Dad's choice about 10 years ago). You are right we now have to wait for the memory clinic outcome (more than a year struggling to help him, waiting for this appointment!) I've had a read about Deputyship, thank you. I didn't know about that so that's very useful to know about. |
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"Oh im sorry this keeps happening.
Have you spoken to him about someone having power of attorney?
I'd echo that although it can be next to impossible to get older people to agree to.
I sympathise/empathise/share your frustration
Yes we are currently having this battle with Ash's dad. "
My mum agrees to it when she's in hospital then decides against it when she's feeling a bit better. I can understand why people are resistant and hang on to every shred of indepence but it makes things very difficult |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh im sorry this keeps happening.
Have you spoken to him about someone having power of attorney?
I'd echo that although it can be next to impossible to get older people to agree to.
I sympathise/empathise/share your frustration
Yes we are currently having this battle with Ash's dad.
My mum agrees to it when she's in hospital then decides against it when she's feeling a bit better. I can understand why people are resistant and hang on to every shred of indepence but it makes things very difficult "
We are in a very similar situation.
Our only concern is that we don't want to be in a situation like Mrs KC were its possible that he doesn't have capacity to consent, so we are hoping he agrees soon. |
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"Oh im sorry this keeps happening.
Have you spoken to him about someone having power of attorney?
I'd echo that although it can be next to impossible to get older people to agree to.
I sympathise/empathise/share your frustration
Yes we are currently having this battle with Ash's dad.
My mum agrees to it when she's in hospital then decides against it when she's feeling a bit better. I can understand why people are resistant and hang on to every shred of indepence but it makes things very difficult
We are in a very similar situation.
Our only concern is that we don't want to be in a situation like Mrs KC were its possible that he doesn't have capacity to consent, so we are hoping he agrees soon. "
I don't want to hijack the thread but the tales I voy tell!
What really, REALLY annoys me is when I talk to people (my brothers mainly) about things they think it's hilarious anecdotes about sweet old people when I'm fact it's actually life threatening sometimes |
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Hopefully the Social Services department will now be forced into making a risk/needs assessment for him, following the police initiation of the multi-agency notification.
Ref the carers, it may be helpful if their initial visits for someone in the family to be there with him at the same time, to help to instil the new habit. Ideally the carers will have a more open remit, than helping him get dressed, to eat etc and have expertise with dementia. The Social Services assessment should help to identify his specialist needs.
If he doesn't have broadband, you could perhaps make use of mobile data and mifi, to provide Internet for monitoring etc. A good techie here could explain how it could support video doorbells etc.
Is he in a Neighbourhood Watch area? If so, could neighbours be more supportive?
Thinking of you, it's a really troubling situation. |
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Off topic but is his life enriched enough? Could he benefit from someone to help him to enjoy a more satisfying life? It's been difficult for everyone this past year and he has probably been especially setback, by lack of contact and personal fulfilment. He may benefit from someone to walk with, or undertake something that's rewarding to him but under the guidance of someone who would have his wellbeing and security at heart. |
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"Hopefully the Social Services department will now be forced into making a risk/needs assessment for him, following the police initiation of the multi-agency notification.
Ref the carers, it may be helpful if their initial visits for someone in the family to be there with him at the same time, to help to instil the new habit. Ideally the carers will have a more open remit, than helping him get dressed, to eat etc and have expertise with dementia. The Social Services assessment should help to identify his specialist needs.
If he doesn't have broadband, you could perhaps make use of mobile data and mifi, to provide Internet for monitoring etc. A good techie here could explain how it could support video doorbells etc.
Is he in a Neighbourhood Watch area? If so, could neighbours be more supportive?
Thinking of you, it's a really troubling situation. "
He doesn't need care in the sense of getting dressed etc. We tried to have carers going in to help with a new medication regime last year and I was there the first few times, but he absolutely did not want them coming. He had the careline uninstalled too. Unfortunately, I can't stop him making these decisions.
He has broadband but that's part of the problem! He doesn't know how to use it anymore. I've had to discombobulate his computer and remove bugs that can monitor ID, passwords etc. He rung me probably ten times, asking me what the anti virus and anti malware package is that I'd installed, because he forgot. I installed it while he sat next to me...
Re: neighbourhood watch etc, not sure, but no-one heard the break in back in September and if he's leaving the door open, it's not exactly easy for people to know if the person going in is legit or not. I've spoken to some security/CCTV people today.
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"I've been told the memory clinic can assess via phone call. Don't know if that's possible for you. "
We have an appointment next week now, in person. It's just he was first referred in early Jan 2020...... |
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