FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How others see you
How others see you
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience? |
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I'm me , always have been . I've made great friends being me , and 1 or 2 that dont like me .
But I dont tailor my posts, I just speak from the heart when it's a serious topic, and be a sarcastic twat the rest of the time  .
First the record I've always found you friendly and approachable Mary and you can take a joke too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am who I am and I dont give a shit what others think of me.
Some like me
Some hate me and I'm not going to change to please them
Its just the way of the world. |
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By *icearmsMan
over a year ago
KIDLINGTON |
I do care greatly about how I'm perceived and I always have.
I guess on a site like this you have no real idea about how people see you. All you can do is be what you want to be on here and you'll either sink, swim or float.
Over time we've seen the ones that flourish and the ones that leave under a cloud. I guess that'll always continue. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm me , always have been . I've made great friends being me , and 1 or 2 that dont like me .
But I dont tailor my posts, I just speak from the heart when it's a serious topic, and be a sarcastic twat the rest of the time .
First the record I've always found you friendly and approachable Mary and you can take a joke too "
For the record though Grumpy I am serious ALL the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well Im out there doing my own thing in my own way, feedback has been interesting so i kinda know how others see me, which wasnt my initial intention but it gives me a giggle anyway
'Thinking mans crumpet' and 'a sexier Susie Dent' being some of the messages i got ha ha ha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m marmite....
I’m ok with that. I used to worry about what people thought but this doesn’t change the way they see me or if they talk behind my back.
I’m the same wherever I go and who I speak with. I don’t sugarcoat personally or in work. |
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I choose who I share things with carefully, only those people get to see the whole me. Everyone else gets to see me, my ways, my morals, my traits but a protected view and will never understand why I am like I am. |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
Strange I was thinking about this while on the shitter this morning. You can never be sure what others think about you or how they will interpret what you say and do. Not everyone is direct and honest to someone's face so it's easy to get the wrong impression about what they truly think about oneself.
I've lost count the amount times someone has taken what I've said the wrong way. Sometimes that's been down to me not being clear or ambiguous. Sometimes it's down to them not listening. Sometimes they just want a fight so my words are twisted.
Probably best not to think about it too much... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strange I was thinking about this while on the shitter this morning. You can never be sure what others think about you or how they will interpret what you say and do. Not everyone is direct and honest to someone's face so it's easy to get the wrong impression about what they truly think about oneself.
I've lost count the amount times someone has taken what I've said the wrong way. Sometimes that's been down to me not being clear or ambiguous. Sometimes it's down to them not listening. Sometimes they just want a fight so my words are twisted.
Probably best not to think about it too much..."
Always the best thinking done on the throne |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
Don't think anyone gets me on this site. As everyone appears to want 55 years and under.
That said, I'm not changing myself to fit in. No point and I don't really give a rat's ass what people think of me.
I was chatting to a lady on here once, that afterwards, I found out, didn't like married men (I'm not married but not single either.) apparently cheating and she said "but your trying to impress me?"
Nope, fraid knot. I was just being me, and talking bollox probably
I'm just here for the giggles to be honest. Anything else is a bonus. |
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I think I tailor myself to others not a lot but a bit like I won’t say certain things around certain groups of people but would another. Plus I think I come across as too nice or boring so think I have to change that somehow haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Strange I was thinking about this while on the shitter this morning. You can never be sure what others think about you or how they will interpret what you say and do. Not everyone is direct and honest to someone's face so it's easy to get the wrong impression about what they truly think about oneself.
I've lost count the amount times someone has taken what I've said the wrong way. Sometimes that's been down to me not being clear or ambiguous. Sometimes it's down to them not listening. Sometimes they just want a fight so my words are twisted.
Probably best not to think about it too much..."
I'm going to ignore the 'shitter' reference  
But I agree you can never be sure about how people interpret anything.
Are they even listening - or just twisting it to their own agenda.
I find people exhausting |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
I give zero fucks
However I am of the opinion both on here and off that if people judge me before knowing my story then they are not my kind of people.
We all have history, we all have stories and sometimes, just sometimes, there are reasons that a person comes across a certain way x |
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By *J GeminiTV/TS
over a year ago
Northumberland |
"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
For me the simple answer is I don't know what others think, but I hope some do like me.
I am who I am so you get what you get like it or lump it,
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
None whatsoever. I accept I’m a bitch and opinionated and I’ve got no qualms calling out others for their shitty behaviour as a result. |
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"I'm me , always have been . I've made great friends being me , and 1 or 2 that dont like me .
But I dont tailor my posts, I just speak from the heart when it's a serious topic, and be a sarcastic twat the rest of the time .
First the record I've always found you friendly and approachable Mary and you can take a joke too
For the record though Grumpy I am serious ALL the time "
Yeah Yeah  |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
No desire to be anything but myself seems like it be too much effort! If I feel sexy/confident in a pic I’ll post it, if there’s a topic of conversation on a forum I enjoy I’ll get involved
Never deliberately out to offend or please people x |
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I genuinely don't care what other people think about me. This annoys the hell out of my mum . I do however tailor myself to suit my audience, I don't act the same in a professional setting as I do in a social setting for instance, I know how to behave appropriately according to circumstances. I'm also not a take me as you find me type of person to the point of offence, I know when to keep my mouth shut (mostly) but I don't alter myself to try and win approval. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
For various reasons I’m not exactly mainstream material, I don’t care what people think of me and I just get on with my life.
But, from some reactions I get, it becomes obvious some people think I’m pretty weird. It doesn’t bother me but it does sometimes tempt me to play with their preconceptions for some entertainment |
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By * Lexi xWoman
over a year ago
stockport |
I don’t give any fucks.
I have amazing friends on here and they know me for me.
Anyone that judges me without knowing me can do one.
I have enough beautiful loving friends on and off of here. A fella and 2 beautiful daughters.
Rank keyboard warriors don’t phase me at all  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
This sort of thread is interesting.
Often people respond with a mixture of ‘I don’t care’ or ‘to those that matter’ which is fine but I’m not sure that’s entirely true.
People are social creatures and society works on the basis of give and take, being liked is part of having a place in society and groups form a large part of that.
Whilst those that we don’t know, don’t impact on us, so it’s unimportant. Those that we do know, even only in passing, do matter to some degree as it’s those that provide opportunity to further our social groups, fab is part of that, especially with the prospect of sex on the table.
I do care what people think of me, especially if it’s a judgement based on misinformation. Gossip bothers me and so do the people that spread rumours, mainly because they’re untrue. As a result of being burnt, like Spurs said; I’m very careful about the information that I share and I don’t let many people in. That prevents those who seek to hurt me and mine from gaining purchase. It’s not that I don’t care, it’s because I care more that I defend myself.
I think denying that we care only makes us blind to a primary motive in our lives. If we didn’t care what others thought about us, then we wouldn’t be on here and we wouldn’t post our opinions for others to read or care if we get responses |
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I used to care a lot what people think of me and I would be on eggshells trying to word things so I wouldn't offend.
I'm working on it and a lot of the time nowadays I am myself and let people take it as they want. There are times I still struggle with it though so I know I'm a work in progress  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh and I think very few of us are in touch with how others see us. I know I'm always surprised when people say."
I agree.
How could we possibly know - it's quite arrogant to assume we do
And to go on the words of what others tell you to your face is nieve.
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I know exactly how I come across and I care not a jot.
Those who make snap judgements of my interactions and deem me avoidable is a good thing as that's not the type of person who interests me.
Those who agree or intrigued by my interactions are where the good times can roll.
The difficult part is the written word can't convey emotion so especially in my interactions it can appear harsh or combative while the same words in person can be framed with multiple emotions |
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"I genuinely don't care what other people think about me. This annoys the hell out of my mum . I do however tailor myself to suit my audience, I don't act the same in a professional setting as I do in a social setting for instance, I know how to behave appropriately according to circumstances. I'm also not a take me as you find me type of person to the point of offence, I know when to keep my mouth shut (mostly) but I don't alter myself to try and win approval."
To add to what I said above, I also agree with the bit in this quote about offending people. I would never go out of my way to upset someone but ultimately I behave in a way that suits me rather than changing who I am for others around me. |
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God no I do not believe in any way that I understand the thoughts of others. I bloody struggle with my own, let alone others.
I do care what others think, I'd hate to intentionally upset people. But I'm also aware I can't please everyone either and that I'm me. |
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I'd like to think that I always do me but the reality is I don't always on here ...
I try to be mindful of not hurting people's feelings and also not to sparks controversies that would earn me another ban.
Where as in my daily life I can be savage at times with dishing out my opinions .
Basically on the forums when I have nothing nice to say I attempt to say nothing at all .
And I have that bloody song in my head now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I tailor myself to others not a lot but a bit like I won’t say certain things around certain groups of people but would another. Plus I think I come across as too nice or boring so think I have to change that somehow haha"
Nice is good. Like attracts like. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I'd like to think that I always do me but the reality is I don't always on here ...
I try to be mindful of not hurting people's feelings and also not to sparks controversies that would earn me another ban.
Where as in my daily life I can be savage at times with dishing out my opinions .
Basically on the forums when I have nothing nice to say I attempt to say nothing at all .
And I have that bloody song in my head now "
I'd sing to you, but I'm tone deaf.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am who I am.
I won't lose any sleep if someone decides I'm not their cup of tea.
Lu "
You have started a thread about having anxiety - I find it difficult to understand how you can give no fucks and have anxiety at the same time.
I'm just interested not confrontational x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh and I think very few of us are in touch with how others see us. I know I'm always surprised when people say.
I agree.
How could we possibly know - it's quite arrogant to assume we do
And to go on the words of what others tell you to your face is nieve.
"
My eyes have been opened last year about the shite that goes on but they smile to your face. (I mean real life stuff, Fab is irrelevant.) |
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I do care if I’m honest. I don’t like people seeing me negatively because I try to treat people how I’d like to be treat back. So if people have an impression of me being balanced, fair and genuine then that means a lot. |
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"I am who I am.
I won't lose any sleep if someone decides I'm not their cup of tea.
Lu
You have started a thread about having anxiety - I find it difficult to understand how you can give no fucks and have anxiety at the same time.
I'm just interested not confrontational x"
I also posted on that thread lol.
Whily you have anxiety does not change who you are mearly makes you anxious Infact if anything it makes it better to have no cares about what others think as you don't have to deal with their thoughts of you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s difficult to fully come across as yourself online as texts are too easily misread or misconstrued so I think an element of ‘don’t care’ comes into play. Face to face you will always find a completely different opinion.
Just have to accept online for what it is and have fun rolling with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are you talking about on fab or generally?
Both "
Online, I personally think that you can never know anyone as (even when we don't mean to) we project a version of ourselves that might only be online.
In person, that's different ...
Online I really couldn't give a fig what people think because my very exuberant personality doesn't come across at all, in person I do sometimes think about it and tone myself down to fit other people's comfort zones until they know me better then it's no holes barred me hahaha
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Interesting
I care in so much as I'd be hurt if people said I came across as uncaring up my own arse, that'd make me evaluate and probably confuse the shit outta me.
I change my "style" to suit the audience at work but only in as much as I only swear in the kitchen and not in front of the customers, although I did get a complaint put in about me for squeaking "fuck sake" when I was being ignored asking people to "excuse me please, hot plates, excuse me please, hot plates, EXCUSE ME PLEASE!" Couldn't move forward coz there was a group blocking my path, couldn't move backwards coz there was another waitress right behind me with plates of food.
I was standing there feeling my fingertips and thumb skin tightening as the skin was burning. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am who I am.
I won't lose any sleep if someone decides I'm not their cup of tea.
Lu
You have started a thread about having anxiety - I find it difficult to understand how you can give no fucks and have anxiety at the same time.
I'm just interested not confrontational xI also posted on that thread lol.
Whily you have anxiety does not change who you are mearly makes you anxious Infact if anything it makes it better to have no cares about what others think as you don't have to deal with their thoughts of you "
But surely that means you do care.
I don't think anyone gives zero fucks about what others think - obviously we all care in varying degrees - depending on how important people are to you.
I don't suffer with anxiety and my heart goes out to anyone that does.
Knowing what having anxiety over something feels like.
I just can't imagine feeling like that and being indifferent at the same
time.
Maybe indifference is on the right path to being a psychopath ( said tongue in cheek obviously ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I first meet people, I care a lot about how I come across because you want to make the best first impression. If I like them, I try a bit harder to get to know them and they seem to like my actual personality.
I think some people can just be themselves from the start which is fine too |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It's an odd one - of course I care what others think of me, but at the same time I know deep down that I'm mostly a decent person with good values and beliefs and a relatively intelligent head on my shoulders, so am not overly bothered when others don't take to me for whatever reasons, and just accept that you can't be liked by all the people all the time which is human nature.
What you see is what you get with me though, have always been authentically me and worn my heart on my sleeve, I don't know how not to be me. |
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
I try not to come across as the dick that I really am.
But equally I try to be myself. Damned if I do. Damned if I don’t.  |
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I am *fascinated* by what other people think of me. I can't read minds, so I don't know. Human society largely considers unambiguous communication anathema, so they won't tell me. And yet *everything* we do hinges on what other people think of us.
Want to have a job so you can earn money for rent and food and not die? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Want to have sex? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Want to be in the presence of other humans without being attacked and killed? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Feedback from others is vitally important, and yet is so agonisingly difficult to come by. |
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By *undayTarkaMan
over a year ago
North Devon, Manchester Middleton |
Much prefer about how ppl think i look. Don't wanna look a sack and a mess, Personality wise, as long as people laugh and i make ppl smile I dont really give a shit about the rest, My saying goes "Theres the fucking menu, get used to it" ! |
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But surely that means you do care.
I don't think anyone gives zero fucks about what others think - obviously we all care in varying degrees - depending on how important people are to you.
In regards to people you don't know it gives you more "headspace" to give not a jot what they think of you.
In regards to family and friends these folk have a better idea of how you tick weirdly these are the people who you hide your anxieties from imo.
I don't suffer with anxiety and my heart goes out to anyone that does.
Knowing what having anxiety over something feels like.
I just can't imagine feeling like that and being indifferent at the same
time.
Indifference to folk who mean nothing to you frees up your mind to more pressing concerns you have.
Maybe indifference is on the right path to being a psychopath ( said tongue in cheek obviously )all the best folk are psycopaths  |
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It was pointed out to me yesterday that I am a weird fucked up woman that they hope they never see in a dark lane.
So I guess that's the first impression I make to at least 1 person. That one didn't bother me and certainly didn't make me rethink my profile or pictures.
It simply made me think "well aren't you all kinds of knuckle dragging mood hoover" |
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"I am *fascinated* by what other people think of me. I can't read minds, so I don't know. Human society largely considers unambiguous communication anathema, so they won't tell me. And yet *everything* we do hinges on what other people think of us.
Want to have a job so you can earn money for rent and food and not die? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Want to have sex? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Want to be in the presence of other humans without being attacked and killed? All hinges on what other people think of you.
Feedback from others is vitally important, and yet is so agonisingly difficult to come by. "
I think we get feed back from others all the time. It's usually non verbal and often very subtle in person. In the virtual world it's not as easy because tone and body language isn't possible to see in text but in general I assume that if they don't respond to private messages or pass me over in the forum they don't like me...not a thing I can do about that |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
"It simply made me think "well aren't you all kinds of knuckle dragging mood hoover""
I hope your good for a bit of plagiarism? As I'm going to pinch dat and I don't mean the knuckle dragging mood Hoover's bum. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Zero fucks given for strangers on the internet I am unlikely to meet in person. You don’t win the internet or forums, people come and people go, and I have no interest in the validation others seek through social media or other avenues.
That doesn’t mean be an asshole to people, I try and be courteous, but I am unlikely to be able to sway the opinions of me held by others even if I wanted to.
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"Zero fucks given for strangers on the internet I am unlikely to meet in person. You don’t win the internet or forums, people come and people go, and I have no interest in the validation others seek through social media or other avenues.
That doesn’t mean be an asshole to people, I try and be courteous, but I am unlikely to be able to sway the opinions of me held by others even if I wanted to.
"
I agree, especially your last sentence. I don't think many people realise that it's very difficult to appear to be someone you're not, because concealing parts of your personality actually is part of your personality. |
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I care a lot. I have anxiety and ptsd and a huge chunk of that was around my fear of others not understanding my condition and judging my actions from the perspective of a non sufferer. It took years of work to get that under control and it’s managed not cured. I don’t intentionally offend anyone but my sarcastic humour and strong views I accept may do that. I can’t affect how others read my words but I can continue to work on being the best version of me. Very few people get close enough to know the real me, but that’s ok. |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
"My general persona is fun and fiesty
There are many layers once I've let you in though
"
Wondering if I could p(l)ick your lock? Or, perhaps see if could crack your combination, by playing with your tumblers, to see if I could gain entrance? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
My posts are tailored to make people think 'He seems nice, but I wouldn't want to fuck him'
It's working well so far |
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By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?
My posts are tailored to make people think 'He seems nice, but I wouldn't want to fuck him'
It's working well so far "
Congratulations  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?"
I’m me and I’m very honest and genuine some say to honest for my own good, it if people don’t like that it’s tough. Not going to change who I am and my principals etc to please other people |
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"Are any of us really in touch with how we come across to others?
How many fucks do you give about what others think - do you just do you - or tailor it depending on the audience?
My posts are tailored to make people think 'He seems nice, but I wouldn't want to fuck him'
It's working well so far "
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By *ammyDodgaMan
over a year ago
Nottingham/and everywhere my location says i am ;) |
I’d like to think everyone to some degree cares about what others think of them... But ultimately I will be who I will be.
Or a better way, “if one person says you are a c@*t, think about it. If it applies. Fine, if it doesn’t. Move on
If more than one persons telling you, then there’s something in it and maybe you need to give ya self a wobble” |
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I was in therapy once and told my counsellor that I didn't care what people think about me. He soon dispelled that myth. I try to be kind and understanding to people on here. You just don't know what others are going through.. |
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