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Post meet Swingers conference!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Imagine if swingers had to do post meet press conferences like football managers, what sort of things would they say ?
Here’s some examples I thought of for inspiration.
‘Look, me getting cramp in the first 5 minutes when I was tea bagging LactoseTheIntolerent set us back a bit and then I started making a few basic mistakes, things got really sloppy in the second half, but I put that down to the bukake. I hold my hands up that I shot my first load wide and i apologised Unreservedly when it landed on her Chesterfield Sofa. But, we will go over the footage, with the anal lyst team and look at my cock angle again!’
‘We had to reorganise after JennyForTheCock opened things up, so we went with one up front, to keep her occupied, me and CoolStoryBro at the back and some wingers either side, how she managed to wank them off so vigorously I’ll never know, I was confident my lot could hit their targets and I was proved right when we all cum on her tits in exactly the same spot. Hopefully after that performance we will climb up to page one and be competing against the big knobs!’
Press: Is your swinging career under threat after that performance tonight and will you be going unlos ?
Me: Look, I accept these questions will come off the back of a bad performance. But it’s not for me to say, that’s the boards decision, so far they’ve put their trust in me, all I can say is, if I do get the opportunity I will do my utmost to turn it around and satisfy AssThatWontQuit next time.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Imagine if swingers had to do post meet press conferences like football managers, what sort of things would they say ?
Here’s some examples I thought of for inspiration.
‘Look, me getting cramp in the first 5 minutes when I was tea bagging LactoseTheIntolerent set us back a bit and then I started making a few basic mistakes, things got really sloppy in the second half, but I put that down to the bukake. I hold my hands up that I shot my first load wide and i apologised Unreservedly when it landed on her Chesterfield Sofa. But, we will go over the footage, with the anal lyst team and look at my cock angle again!’
‘We had to reorganise after JennyForTheCock opened things up, so we went with one up front, to keep her occupied, me and CoolStoryBro at the back and some wingers either side, how she managed to wank them off so vigorously I’ll never know, I was confident my lot could hit their targets and I was proved right when we all cum on her tits in exactly the same spot. Hopefully after that performance we will climb up to page one and be competing against the big knobs!’
Press: Is your swinging career under threat after that performance tonight and will you be going unlos ?
Me: Look, I accept these questions will come off the back of a bad performance. But it’s not for me to say, that’s the boards decision, so far they’ve put their trust in me, all I can say is, if I do get the opportunity I will do my utmost to turn it around and satisfy AssThatWontQuit next time.
"
But can you explain the red card that was produced? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
It was all going so well until the VAR ruled that my finger had inadvertently strayed into an offside position and momentarily penetrated her there - a ridiculous decision when you can clearly see I was merely inches offside and only because my body fell that way as my knees buckled under her sliding tackle on my tackle - it's decisions like that which are ruining the game as we know it |
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When you have 2 holes that close together it's easy to get carried away and slip up and it can come as a shock.
I was just really happy that on this occasion it wasn't a problem and everything went smoothly 
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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‘I’ve come here today and I’ve put in a shocking performance, not the usual high standards I pride myself on, not making excuses but I think masturbating furiously mid week has cost me, but I will learn from this and hopefully move on!’ |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
It was a session of two halves. The opener looked full of promise and I really thought number 12 was going to deliver the goods, but he looked a bit slow.
The fire and passion number 7 showed, wow, what an inspiration. He went in and gave it his all and left everyone breathless, which is the way to do it. Everyone is now enjoying the hot tub and the balls have been safely put away until the next time.
Back of the net!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It was a session of two halves. The opener looked full of promise and I really thought number 12 was going to deliver the goods, but he looked a bit slow.
The fire and passion number 7 showed, wow, what an inspiration. He went in and gave it his all and left everyone breathless, which is the way to do it. Everyone is now enjoying the hot tub and the balls have been safely put away until the next time.
Back of the net!
"
Liquid Swinging! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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‘Well, I take every meet as it cums, at the end of the day it was very much a orgy of two halves, what with SuckMyFatOne blowing the whistle and telling everyone to change ends. The support from the voyeurs was fantastic and the cheer that went up, when I finally got the condom on made me feel 10 inches tall.’ |
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The crowd were clearly not on our side today. An away fixture is always going to be difficult, especially at a venue like Watford Gap Travelodge and so hopefully we'll slip back into form next week on our home turf (Milton Keynes Holiday Inn). We'll have to be introspective on the coach home and deeply penetrate the issues we faced  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I heard the chants of the crowd and I'd just like to take this opportunity to confirm that yes she does, but only if plenty of lube is used and she feels relaxed enough. Furthermore as he was sat watching at the time I'm also happy to advise our fans that the referee is indeed a wanker. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It was all going so well until the VAR ruled that my finger had inadvertently strayed into an offside position and momentarily penetrated her there - a ridiculous decision when you can clearly see I was merely inches offside and only because my body fell that way as my knees buckled under her sliding tackle on my tackle - it's decisions like that which are ruining the game as we know it "
VAR is ruining the swinging game. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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‘Punctuality is massive for me and HotButteryPopcorn turned up 2 hours late, so we will look at fines, as for her attitude it was poor from the start, I said to her, look if you don’t want to play, I’ll get someone else in, there’s plenty in local updates who will!’
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The crowd were clearly not on our side today. An away fixture is always going to be difficult, especially at a venue like Watford Gap Travelodge and so hopefully we'll slip back into form next week on our home turf (Milton Keynes Holiday Inn). We'll have to be introspective on the coach home and deeply penetrate the issues we faced "
Nice touch with the Travelodge  |
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"Gawd we all need to get out more  "
Please can the lady from Swingerz R Us get back inside her technical area and cease and desist from mouthing at the officials? Any further infractions will result in a red arse  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Gawd we all need to get out more
Please can the lady from Swingerz R Us get back inside her technical area and cease and desist from mouthing at the officials? Any further infractions will result in a red arse "
And stop flashes your tits in the box! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
So there I was poised and ready to shoot when the other guy who was a last minute substitute got in first, totally missed the target and resulted in me scoring an own goal - any chance of extra time was out of the question and my chances of proceeding to the next round were gone. |
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff  "
Sometimes you just have to skip the elaborate build-up play and stick it straight in the mixer  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff "
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench. |
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench. "
I'm here to take one for the team |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench.
I'm here to take one for the team "
Are you driving the coach back too ? |
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench.
I'm here to take one for the team
Are you driving the coach back too ? "
Is it automatic?! Otherwise I'm gonna need a third leg |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench.
I'm here to take one for the team
Are you driving the coach back too ?
Is it automatic?! Otherwise I'm gonna need a third leg "
Stick it in cruise control! |
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"Can I change this thread to
Now that’s what I call: Am I on your hotlist Part 28 or some shit ?!
A spectacular own goal against the run of play, Jeff
Thank God you’re here, otherwise this thread would have never have gotten off the bench.
I'm here to take one for the team
Are you driving the coach back too ?
Is it automatic?! Otherwise I'm gonna need a third leg
Stick it in cruise control! "
Buckle up for the ride of your life  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
So as I approached her penalty box I gave it a quick one two and then shot for goal and that was it...game over in the first 30 seconds, and despite my best efforts I just couldn't raise my game for a second strike - she called on a substitute and I was benched, doubt I'll get a recall either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The traditional big man, little man partnership is obsolete in today's game. We haven't scored in over a year now.
Try the ladies game  "
I thought the women's team really showed the men up tonight, Gary. Skill, pace, some terrific combinations around the box, and they kept working until the last minute. If the lads can't match that then they won't be playing away next week. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That was a weak lane limp effort! Do Not be like Harry Kane put your back and soul into it boy! You have 45 minutes left now to make yourself a man and a hero now get stuck in!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"That was a weak lane limp effort! Do Not be like Harry Kane put your back and soul into it boy! You have 45 minutes left now to make yourself a man and a hero now get stuck in!! "
*lame |
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It was not our fault that the game ended early. The conditions were so challenging - a soaking wet playing surface, dodgy old balls and the referee's eyesight was clearly impaired 
We'll be back to smash one out of the park next week. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We put balls in all the right areas but there was no end product from the big lad. I think the crowd got to him. I was so frustrated I had to pull him off before we changed ends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When you come to a big club like this there are traditions, expectations. You've got to learn to perform in front of a large crowd, you can't wilt under pressure. We let ourselves and the club down tonight, my boys just weren't ready for the pool party. |
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