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Partners kink or fantasy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you had a partner with a kink or fantasy that was out of your comfort zone , did you do it and did you enjoy it "
Not yet. I’ve not yet pushed boundaries as only just stepping forward slowly with kinks. I am kinky, (not allowed to talk about kinks in here) but I am very comfortable in my zone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is always a tricky one. With someone new, there are likely to be more limits and more "No's" but over time as trust is built, some of those can become yes!
I think it's very much down to the person if they feel comfortable and safe and you shouldn't push someone to do something they don't want to do!!
It's about allowing someone to grow if they want and supporting them to do that and not judging them if they don't! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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J has introduced me to some of his kinks and I've introduced him to some of mine.
We don't do anything we're not comfortable with tho... he's quite a fan of some water sports sometimes, I'm not so we've never done it.
Lu |
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I see comfort zone as a bell curve (bare with me) so the peak is where you are normally. But you then have the slopes and these are the things that you wouldn't necessarily seek out to do, but if given the opportunity and support you may do. So it's not about someone pushing you do it just giving you the opportunity to.
And yes most of the things I do now regularly were things I needed my hand held to take the plunge so to speak. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
There are hard limits and negotiables in any relationship. If something is a hard limit, then that’s a no and not up for discussion. It’s about respecting your partner and their limits.
I had a partner in the past who had spanking as a hard limit, so that never happened, my feelings on it were irrelevant |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting."
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see comfort zone as a bell curve (bare with me) so the peak is where you are normally. But you then have the slopes and these are the things that you wouldn't necessarily seek out to do, but if given the opportunity and support you may do. So it's not about someone pushing you do it just giving you the opportunity to.
And yes most of the things I do now regularly were things I needed my hand held to take the plunge so to speak. "
I find that with discussion and time what you thought was once your peak has actually shifted.. Like watersports, never in my prev life would i contemplated it  |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x "
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them. |
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"Have you had a partner with a kink or fantasy that was out of your comfort zone , did you do it and did you enjoy it "
It's all a matter of respect, so no.
I've been led along a path that was previously a hard limit - at my pace, with lots of communication, understanding, trust and a healthy dose of build up. I've done this with others too. K and I have both grown loads, increasing our boundaries together, always with mutual consent
C |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Don't think I have - although there may have been things that came about after discussing things and having my mind opened to a better understanding of the appeal, or even things that I would be more open to now as a result of understanding them better than I may previously have been.
A good example of this is watersports - they were always a hard limit for me, and still are something I've not indulged in, or would necessarily have on a "to do" list, but through discussing it with a couple of people over the years and better understanding the dynamic and appeal if it was suggested now I would explore.
Would I do something *just* to please a partner without that level of understanding and discussion though? Absolutely not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a comfort zone, and with talking, clear consent and fluid (but clear and agreed) boundaries, it’s completely different. I love the new experiences we’ve had together, because I trust him to always respect my limits in that moment. |
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"I see comfort zone as a bell curve (bare with me) so the peak is where you are normally. But you then have the slopes and these are the things that you wouldn't necessarily seek out to do, but if given the opportunity and support you may do. So it's not about someone pushing you do it just giving you the opportunity to.
And yes most of the things I do now regularly were things I needed my hand held to take the plunge so to speak.
I find that with discussion and time what you thought was once your peak has actually shifted.. Like watersports, never in my prev life would i contemplated it "
Yeah it does move about, so watersports would have been on the tail end of my curve before now it's at the peak |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them."
Think we've all been there to a lesser or larger extent. Which is why I think these conversations are important. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them."
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers. |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them.
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers."
So we all know there are chancers. From your own experience what would be red flags for people to look out for but equally green flags too? |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them.
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers."
It really was, I was only 22 and a very late starter - I’d only lost my virginity a few months before I met him. I was desperately trying to appear cool and broadminded to someone 10 years older than me. He didn’t claim at any point to be dominant, he was always upfront about being submissive, but he didn’t care that I wasn’t dominant either and definitely took advantage of my inexperience to push me into things I wasn’t comfortable with. I’ll never forget when he told me a fantasy was to be beaten with a crop - I literally burst into tears. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them.
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers.
It really was, I was only 22 and a very late starter - I’d only lost my virginity a few months before I met him. I was desperately trying to appear cool and broadminded to someone 10 years older than me. He didn’t claim at any point to be dominant, he was always upfront about being submissive, but he didn’t care that I wasn’t dominant either and definitely took advantage of my inexperience to push me into things I wasn’t comfortable with. I’ll never forget when he told me a fantasy was to be beaten with a crop - I literally burst into tears."
I am sorry to hear what happened.
One of the issues with the education system is that it has ducked teaching about consent in the personal sphere, as to stop people being F-Wits, to prevent home cultures over riding good social behaviour and to empower other people to say no.
It is frustrating that if people raise the topic of teaching consent the usual suspects bleat on about "snowflakes". Most people at some point find themselves trapped in a situation unable to state how they feel but being pushed to do something they don't want to do.
There are people who deliberately trap people that way. |
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"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them.
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers.
It really was, I was only 22 and a very late starter - I’d only lost my virginity a few months before I met him. I was desperately trying to appear cool and broadminded to someone 10 years older than me. He didn’t claim at any point to be dominant, he was always upfront about being submissive, but he didn’t care that I wasn’t dominant either and definitely took advantage of my inexperience to push me into things I wasn’t comfortable with. I’ll never forget when he told me a fantasy was to be beaten with a crop - I literally burst into tears.
I am sorry to hear what happened.
One of the issues with the education system is that it has ducked teaching about consent in the personal sphere, as to stop people being F-Wits, to prevent home cultures over riding good social behaviour and to empower other people to say no.
It is frustrating that if people raise the topic of teaching consent the usual suspects bleat on about "snowflakes". Most people at some point find themselves trapped in a situation unable to state how they feel but being pushed to do something they don't want to do.
There are people who deliberately trap people that way."
Thank you. At least I’ve learned from it I suppose.
That’s so very true. We’re conditioned from childhood to accept things we don’t want, like hugs and kisses from relatives we don’t like, and it doesn’t do us any favours as we get older. When my siblings had children, I made it a point to never hug them if they didn’t want to, and if any of their parents tried to say they should hug me, I made sure they knew it was fine if they didn’t want to. I wasn’t in a position to teach them about consent properly, but I could try and show them that they had the right to say no. |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"Yes, and it was quite distressing. When you’re a sub without even the slightest tendency to switch, and absolutely not a sadist, to have a partner who insists on you hurting them is upsetting.
Oh sorry you had go through that, that's totally unacceptable. Which I why I don't like talk of pushing people out of their comfort zones. You shouldn't be pushed end of x
Thank you. I was very young and inexperienced, so I went along with it because I didn’t want to be seen as uptight. I know better now. And I totally agree, if someone says they want to “push limits”, I avoid them.
I don't think it is just youth and inexperience. I have friends who are women, submissive and experienced that regularly run into men who start off saying they are dominant, but quickly change and request relentlessly to be dominated. All scenes have chancers.
It really was, I was only 22 and a very late starter - I’d only lost my virginity a few months before I met him. I was desperately trying to appear cool and broadminded to someone 10 years older than me. He didn’t claim at any point to be dominant, he was always upfront about being submissive, but he didn’t care that I wasn’t dominant either and definitely took advantage of my inexperience to push me into things I wasn’t comfortable with. I’ll never forget when he told me a fantasy was to be beaten with a crop - I literally burst into tears.
I am sorry to hear what happened.
One of the issues with the education system is that it has ducked teaching about consent in the personal sphere, as to stop people being F-Wits, to prevent home cultures over riding good social behaviour and to empower other people to say no.
It is frustrating that if people raise the topic of teaching consent the usual suspects bleat on about "snowflakes". Most people at some point find themselves trapped in a situation unable to state how they feel but being pushed to do something they don't want to do.
There are people who deliberately trap people that way.
Thank you. At least I’ve learned from it I suppose.
That’s so very true. We’re conditioned from childhood to accept things we don’t want, like hugs and kisses from relatives we don’t like, and it doesn’t do us any favours as we get older. When my siblings had children, I made it a point to never hug them if they didn’t want to, and if any of their parents tried to say they should hug me, I made sure they knew it was fine if they didn’t want to. I wasn’t in a position to teach them about consent properly, but I could try and show them that they had the right to say no."
This is true. |
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Part of the pleasure of a relationship is learning and sharing things - it doesn't mean that you'll love everything that they do. I've sampled and enjoyed things and our tastes and interests naturally change through life. If very unsure, I'd have a small taste unless excited when I'll have the full works. I'll say no too and it needn't be incompatibility, just an alternative perspective for a while, maybe permanently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An ex of mine 20 years ago had some really dark masochistic tendencies that I wouldn't partake in but I didn't stop her doing them with someone else. And no, I wont be listing them here! |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"An ex of mine 20 years ago had some really dark masochistic tendencies that I wouldn't partake in but I didn't stop her doing them with someone else. And no, I wont be listing them here!"
Please no mentioning of dark masochistic tendencies here, we on Fab are not interested. Please only mention fluffy handcuffs, and cotton rope. The only floggers to be be mentioned are silk ones. The most extreme activity we want mentioned is running lamb's wool material across nipples (and gently).:0)
Of course vanilla sexual activity badged as BDSM is allowed, as the pornification (if there is such word) of BDSMis encouraged on Fab.
  |
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"An ex of mine 20 years ago had some really dark masochistic tendencies that I wouldn't partake in but I didn't stop her doing them with someone else. And no, I wont be listing them here!
Please no mentioning of dark masochistic tendencies here, we on Fab are not interested. Please only mention fluffy handcuffs, and cotton rope. The only floggers to be be mentioned are silk ones. The most extreme activity we want mentioned is running lamb's wool material across nipples (and gently).:0)
Of course vanilla sexual activity badged as BDSM is allowed, as the pornification (if there is such word) of BDSMis encouraged on Fab.
"
Harsh but true! |
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