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I’m pregnant

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Can someone please check my dilation?

I feel like it could be due any minute

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it mine ?

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Are you a Goldfish?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll stick a finger in. I'm generous like that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Congratulations

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

I think its twins..

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By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman over a year ago

lancashire

"Are you a Goldfish?

The Clown fish can change sex...

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Milk of magnesium. That bambino will fly out. Stick a loo roll in the fridge for post-ring-dab

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it a food baby?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you a Goldfish?

I hope so.

I won’t remember this in ten minutes then.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

I've got some sounding rods I can check with if you want?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess."

You loved it

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Oh hang on..... Where are you dilating

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'll stick a finger in. I'm generous like that."

I hope you’ve got well filed nails.

I’m very sensitised right now.

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"Are you a Goldfish?

The Clown fish can change sex...

Only Transexual ones though

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Congratulations "

Thank you wonky.

I’d of preferred celebrations though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'll stick a finger in. I'm generous like that.

I hope you’ve got well filed nails.

I’m very sensitised right now."

I'll be gentle with you

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

Look, I've told you before Sam, if you don't use protection you'll end up getting pregnant. That's what happens when you're a fertile young man. So irresponsible.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Congratulations

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its twins..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has your water broken yet? Do we need a sharp object?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you a Goldfish?

The Clown fish can change sex...

I can’t juggle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Totes emosh

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"I think its twix's..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before."

That's what happens when you're greedy

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Milk of magnesium. That bambino will fly out. Stick a loo roll in the fridge for post-ring-dab "

Thanks princess, I knew someone would be helpful and compassionate.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is it a food baby? "

No.

It’s a real baby.

I’m thinking about calling it pasta.

If I roll on my right side during labour then I could have pasta baby on the left hand side.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've got some sounding rods I can check with if you want? "

That doesn’t sound good for the baby.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

You loved it "

I know how Madonna felt when she sang pappa don’t preach now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"I think its twins..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before."

Then how did you get pregnant

no use lying now

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

You loved it

I know how Madonna felt when she sang pappa don’t preach now."

Shouldn’t that be “papa its breach”

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Isn't there a toilet paper packaging you can read on the toilet while you "give birth".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

You loved it

I know how Madonna felt when she sang pappa don’t preach now.

Shouldn’t that be “papa its breach”

Touché

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"Totes emosh

He needs a birthing partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oh hang on..... Where are you dilating

How the fuck am I supposed to know!!!!

I can’t even see my feet anymore and the whole of my lower body has been taken over by this alien growing in me.

Now get me some monster munch.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Are you a Goldfish?

The Clown fish can change sex...

Only Transexual ones though

Get that clock away from me.

I don’t wanna see any more clocks ever again.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'll stick a finger in. I'm generous like that.

I hope you’ve got well filed nails.

I’m very sensitised right now.

I'll be gentle with you

It’s that kind of talk that got me into this mess.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Will you need plunging

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Look, I've told you before Sam, if you don't use protection you'll end up getting pregnant. That's what happens when you're a fertile young man. So irresponsible.

The femedon split, it wasn’t my fault, she said she’d done this before.

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By *rewersprojectMan over a year ago

Leeds

You lot are all, mad as a bag of ferrets

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Congratulations "

I want my baby shower.

You didn’t throw me a baby shower.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Has your water broken yet? Do we need a sharp object?"

I can neither confirm or deny this.

No sharp objects but if you could just dab my forehead with a damp flannel

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Totes emosh

Isn’t it just.

Totes.

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By *elle xWoman over a year ago

Doire Theas

Run yourself a nice hot bath

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman."

Please tell me that’s not a South Park reference

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman.

Please tell me that’s not a South Park reference

What other potential poo fathers named Mr Hankey can you think of?

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By *affron40Woman over a year ago

manchester

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman.

Please tell me that’s not a South Park reference

What other potential poo fathers named Mr Hankey can you think of?

So he’s not just for Christmas?!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Ew"

Didn’t I see you on mum’s net ?

Yes, you were selling that lilac maternity dress.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman.

Please tell me that’s not a South Park reference

What other potential poo fathers named Mr Hankey can you think of?

So he’s not just for Christmas?!?

Mindy the Mothers Day Turd surely? It's gonna be a girl

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oops

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its twins..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before.

Then how did you get pregnant

no use lying now

I don’t really know.

One minute we were discussing the best way to make a papier mache’ dog and the next I was naked, sweating and craving a cigarette.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

You loved it

I know how Madonna felt when she sang pappa don’t preach now.

Shouldn’t that be “papa its breach”

You’re witty.

Wanna have a baby with me?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Totes emosh

He needs a birthing partner. "

Someone to hold my hand and tell me it’s gonna be ok, I can do it, don’t look down.

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"Is it mine ?

I told you to finish on my tummy!

What a mess.

You loved it

I know how Madonna felt when she sang pappa don’t preach now.

Shouldn’t that be “papa its breach”

You’re witty.

Wanna have a baby with me?"

Yeah, we could sing “papa don’t preach” while it’s popping out ya pooper

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl? "

It’s gonna be a surprise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman."

The miserable darts player that throws plastic bats into the crowd for his walk on?

That’s a lie!

I don’t even like bats.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Will you need plunging

Plunge me with your clunge.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who's gonna tell H you've been having an affair with Mr Hankey? Poor woman.

Please tell me that’s not a South Park reference

What other potential poo fathers named Mr Hankey can you think of?

Well, ... no, you have a point there.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Run yourself a nice hot bath

Good plan.

Just leave yours in and I’ll add a bit of hot water later.

Thanks Belle.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Hang on. Does this mean you had a penis up your arse??

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Oops

Get that thing away from me!

Never again .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hang on. Does this mean you had a penis up your arse??

So far up my arse it very nearly popped out my belly button.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"Hang on. Does this mean you had a penis up your arse??

So far up my arse it very nearly popped out my belly button."

Feels better going up than coming down doesn't it.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You lot are all, mad as a bag of ferrets"

Sorry pal, I missed your comment somehow.

Anyways... I hope you’re enjoying my pregnancy.

We should share knitting patterns sometime.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Waterbirth?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Hang on. Does this mean you had a penis up your arse??

So far up my arse it very nearly popped out my belly button.

Feels better going up than coming down doesn't it."

You’re thinking of the log flume.

It’s that nervous feeling just before you reach the summit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Waterbirth?"

That was about gridiron.

I’m a rugby union boy.

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By *edeWoman over a year ago

the abyss

"I think its twins..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before.

Then how did you get pregnant

no use lying now

I don’t really know.

One minute we were discussing the best way to make a papier mache’ dog and the next I was naked, sweating and craving a cigarette."

So the important question is.... did you decide on the best way to make a paper mache dog - asking for a friend

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think its twins..

Ok but please be gentle, I’ve never had two digits in there before.

Then how did you get pregnant

no use lying now

I don’t really know.

One minute we were discussing the best way to make a papier mache’ dog and the next I was naked, sweating and craving a cigarette.

So the important question is.... did you decide on the best way to make a paper mache dog - asking for a friend

Patience and Self raising flower.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"You lot are all, mad as a bag of ferrets

Sorry pal, I missed your comment somehow.

Anyways... I hope you’re enjoying my pregnancy.

We should share knitting patterns sometime."

I have a lovely one for a Christmas Teddy. Perfect for little Sammy Junior.

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"Hang on. Does this mean you had a penis up your arse??

So far up my arse it very nearly popped out my belly button.

Feels better going up than coming down doesn't it.

You’re thinking of the log flume.

It’s that nervous feeling just before you reach the summit.

I'm proud of you for having a natural home birth with no painkillers Sam.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should have done star jumps after, I hear that helps

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"You should have done star jumps after, I hear that helps"

Squatting on an exercise ball helps.

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By *ig1gaz1Man over a year ago

bradford

Im just going to sit in the corner and watch

What went in has to come out the same way

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

9cm.

I touched the head and your baby is as bald as a cucumber.

Congratulations. I can't wait to see you push the bambino out of your hole. X

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

Should I open a bottle of fizz yet or is that too premature?

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By *ig1gaz1Man over a year ago

bradford

You ladies should watch this mild horror

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqEmzF7fqQM

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How's the new arrival Sam ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How's the new arrival Sam ?

Doing well thank you.

It certainly made a splash on its entrance to the world.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s it’s name

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By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

Breast or bottle?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think i can see the head, you'll have to push

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