FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Domestic abuse refuges
Domestic abuse refuges
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"Not sure why you would chain yourself to the railing surely they are there to help so knock on the door. " Youve heard about this thing called covid? | |||
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"The whereabouts ofvregugez are usually very closely guarded secrets for obvious reasons. Access is usually via referral from support groups or agencies" Yes | |||
"Not sure why you would chain yourself to the railing surely they are there to help so knock on the door. Youve heard about this thing called covid?" I did read/hear something that Covid rules don’t apply in these situations so hopefully you should be able to get help xxx | |||
"Not sure why you would chain yourself to the railing surely they are there to help so knock on the door. Youve heard about this thing called covid? I did read/hear something that Covid rules don’t apply in these situations so hopefully you should be able to get help xxx" Oh if only that were the case | |||
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"I think your best bet is to contact the police because they will be able to help you im sure. A friends sister Recently turned up at her local police station and said she needed urgent help but didn't want to press charges, The police were brilliant and there wasn't place in a local refuge but there was a scheme that local hotels were taking in women who were on safe in their home so it might be worth seeing if there is something like this were you live. Covid rules do not apply if you are not safe to be in your own home so you can go and stay with a friend or relative if this is possible. Your other option is there is a code word you can use at a local pharmacy ask for ANI. Please don't just wait for a space to be available and get immediate help from relevant authorities. " Im close to doing just that | |||
"I think your best bet is to contact the police because they will be able to help you im sure. A friends sister Recently turned up at her local police station and said she needed urgent help but didn't want to press charges, The police were brilliant and there wasn't place in a local refuge but there was a scheme that local hotels were taking in women who were on safe in their home so it might be worth seeing if there is something like this were you live. Covid rules do not apply if you are not safe to be in your own home so you can go and stay with a friend or relative if this is possible. Your other option is there is a code word you can use at a local pharmacy ask for ANI. Please don't just wait for a space to be available and get immediate help from relevant authorities. Im close to doing just that" Please do if you are considering it that means you know this is serious so please trust your gut. Please be careful and please get out! | |||
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"Get out asap, there are places out there that can and will help. Citizens advice, Samaritan's, NHS direct and of course the police. These people are there for this reason. They don't care about anything apart from getting you somewhwere safe and making sure you are protected. Don't let fear kill you. Please. " I strongly agree with this.  | |||
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"Get out. Go now. Dont wait." This
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help." Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here | |||
"Get out. Go now. Dont wait." Couldn’t agree more. Please, please get help xx Anything is better than being dead xx J x | |||
"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here " There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously. | |||
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously." There IS alot of help But accessing it is proving hard I need legal help but alot of solicitors have snubbed me Because i dont have wads of money Im not putting up obstacles. Im just explaining how ive got to this point | |||
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously. There IS alot of help But accessing it is proving hard I need legal help but alot of solicitors have snubbed me Because i dont have wads of money Im not putting up obstacles. Im just explaining how ive got to this point" And yes ive spoken to legal aid today. She was extremely rude and said she couldnt help with something i need for housing And any other negotiations would take weeks to set up | |||
"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously. There IS alot of help But accessing it is proving hard I need legal help but alot of solicitors have snubbed me Because i dont have wads of money Im not putting up obstacles. Im just explaining how ive got to this point" All local councils offer an emergency out of hours service. Domestic Abuse is an emergency. You should at least get a weekends accommodation with information on what to do after the weekend. Ironically having less money may mean more options... as another poster has said, the police are a good place to start, even if you don't want to press charges. | |||
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously. There IS alot of help But accessing it is proving hard I need legal help but alot of solicitors have snubbed me Because i dont have wads of money Im not putting up obstacles. Im just explaining how ive got to this point" For legal issues try domestic violence assist, they're a charity who may be able to help you for free. Otherwise I echo the sentiments above - your safety is the only important thing here, so remove yourself from the situation by whatever means necessary. | |||
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here There's lots of help available. COVID-19 and lockdown has made already difficult situations a hundred times worse. All the agencies are well aware and will take you seriously. There IS alot of help But accessing it is proving hard I need legal help but alot of solicitors have snubbed me Because i dont have wads of money Im not putting up obstacles. Im just explaining how ive got to this point For legal issues try domestic violence assist, they're a charity who may be able to help you for free. Otherwise I echo the sentiments above - your safety is the only important thing here, so remove yourself from the situation by whatever means necessary." Thankyou I just emailed them | |||
You've got this.
If you can't escape tonight there's always tomorrow. Xx | |||
" You've got this.
If you can't escape tonight there's always tomorrow. Xx"I already HAVE escaped in my head I just need the universe to stop making my life so ridiculously hard | |||
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"Have you tried Women’s Aid? Xx " Ive been to the womens centre, yes Unfortunately covid has made getting any real therapy and back up impossible Ive been offered zoom calls more than once. Which clearly arent an option | |||
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"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " Duuuuuuude really? | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " Yeah because domestic abuse is a laughing matter! | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? " well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan | |||
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"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " WOW! | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan " You have no idea. If only things were that simple eh? | |||
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"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " Where is the facepalm emoji when you need it..... Seriously uncalled for. | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan You have no idea. If only things were that simple eh? " well all I'm saying is normally abusive people are abusive due to there own insecurities so chances are been on a swinging site is not going to Improve a abusive relationship so if your struggling to leave right now there's hardly any point angering him by sitting on fab it's more likely to wind him up and personally she should just punch him in the face and leave and never look back but suppose it's not that simple. | |||
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"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan You have no idea. If only things were that simple eh? well all I'm saying is normally abusive people are abusive due to there own insecurities so chances are been on a swinging site is not going to Improve a abusive relationship so if your struggling to leave right now there's hardly any point angering him by sitting on fab it's more likely to wind him up and personally she should just punch him in the face and leave and never look back but suppose it's not that simple." Victim blaming at it's best! If you want to discuss domestic abuse and it's reasons Start your own thread rather than hijacking somebody who's trying to get help thread. | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " FFS, time and a place. You got this very wrong. | |||
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"Having spoken to you before op I’m sure you have the intelligence to ignore the downright ridiculous comments on here xx" Or comment should I say | |||
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"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? " 'well mannered'  | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. " Maybe Or maybe he is a sad, evil manipulative cunt who got off on trying to destroy me | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan You have no idea. If only things were that simple eh? well all I'm saying is normally abusive people are abusive due to there own insecurities so chances are been on a swinging site is not going to Improve a abusive relationship so if your struggling to leave right now there's hardly any point angering him by sitting on fab it's more likely to wind him up and personally she should just punch him in the face and leave and never look back but suppose it's not that simple." My love, Fab is the only thing thats kept me from a hospital bed And the beautiful people on it. And for your information, he doesnt know what i do Because i live in my room. For years now. It is my only sanctuary | |||
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"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here " Its brave to ask for help. No shame on that. You can go out of this.... As a woman and mother my heart goes out to you.  | |||
"Seems like you have tried every option and nothing has worked only thing left I suppose is delete fab maybe being jelaus of you been on here talking to other guys is a trigger and make sure tea is on the table. Duuuuuuude really? well sounds like she has to bide some time and come up with an escape plan You have no idea. If only things were that simple eh? well all I'm saying is normally abusive people are abusive due to there own insecurities so chances are been on a swinging site is not going to Improve a abusive relationship so if your struggling to leave right now there's hardly any point angering him by sitting on fab it's more likely to wind him up and personally she should just punch him in the face and leave and never look back but suppose it's not that simple." Have a word with yourself. Bang out of order R | |||
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"I dated a woman who was in refuge when we met...she found living there almost as traumatic as the abuse she fled.." And thats what concerns me I have been advised " you are a strong, intelligent, capable woman" I am struggling with the system big time One wonders how women fair when they aren't so strong | |||
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"Leaving a domestic violence situation will be the hardest thing you ever do , ppl think its easy its not , your in more danger when you leave these men / women ,then if you stay put.as they are losing control, the shelters are good , but they are not the easiest place to be in , other things like money is a important factor, but saying that if you do leave , after youve gone thro all the emotions, and started to put yourself together again , bit by bit, your life will get better , but you got to get to that point that you want to get out ,to actually do it , otherwise sadly you will go back, its a vicious circle but it can be broken , " Yup Its really not as simple as just staying on someones couch He is a controlling bully and has already called the police on me a number of times, to frighten me | |||
"Leaving a domestic violence situation will be the hardest thing you ever do , ppl think its easy its not , your in more danger when you leave these men / women ,then if you stay put.as they are losing control, the shelters are good , but they are not the easiest place to be in , other things like money is a important factor, but saying that if you do leave , after youve gone thro all the emotions, and started to put yourself together again , bit by bit, your life will get better , but you got to get to that point that you want to get out ,to actually do it , otherwise sadly you will go back, its a vicious circle but it can be broken , Yup Its really not as simple as just staying on someones couch He is a controlling bully and has already called the police on me a number of times, to frighten me" do u work ? I know ppl want you to leave straight away ! But unless you not been in that situation its very hard ,i was in it 18 years ago it can be done , can you not put abit of money away each week , till you saved enough go get free , or does he have full control of that ,so its a planned escape rather than a moonlight flit will that work better for u , may take time but the end result is there light at the end of the tunnel , | |||
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"Leaving a domestic violence situation will be the hardest thing you ever do , ppl think its easy its not , your in more danger when you leave these men / women ,then if you stay put.as they are losing control, the shelters are good , but they are not the easiest place to be in , other things like money is a important factor, but saying that if you do leave , after youve gone thro all the emotions, and started to put yourself together again , bit by bit, your life will get better , but you got to get to that point that you want to get out ,to actually do it , otherwise sadly you will go back, its a vicious circle but it can be broken , Yup Its really not as simple as just staying on someones couch He is a controlling bully and has already called the police on me a number of times, to frighten me do u work ? I know ppl want you to leave straight away ! But unless you not been in that situation its very hard ,i was in it 18 years ago it can be done , can you not put abit of money away each week , till you saved enough go get free , or does he have full control of that ,so its a planned escape rather than a moonlight flit will that work better for u , may take time but the end result is there light at the end of the tunnel , " I was signed off sick last year Lost my shit a bit after finally going to the womens centre and being told " this is abuse" | |||
"OP, as others have said; the Covid restrictions don’t apply in situations of domestic abuse. I know that it’s never simple to leave but if you can get out, which you need to, then go to the police. I’ve skimmed the thread and it seems that your abuser is using the police as a form of control, if you tell them this and that you’re in need of crisis abuse support, then all of that will stop. Please do leave. It’s important that you do. I know that it’s scary and you don’t know exactly where you’re running to but sometimes it’s not where you’re running to but where from. " I think the police are on to him now. I would certainly hope so | |||
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"OP there is some good advice here. I worked closely with womens refuge i wont put many details on here for obvs reasons but they can offer a room. They will help rehouse you. Not in a shit hole. They will get you back on your feet. They are there to help. But you need to leave to get that help. Is he working from home and you cant escape if so email the police explaining that. There are many things in place to help. Citizens advice have fully qualified solicitors there each week who can help for free. Feel free to inbox me if you wish to x " Working? Him? Chance would be a fine thing | |||
"Leaving a domestic violence situation will be the hardest thing you ever do , ppl think its easy its not , your in more danger when you leave these men / women ,then if you stay put.as they are losing control, the shelters are good , but they are not the easiest place to be in , other things like money is a important factor, but saying that if you do leave , after youve gone thro all the emotions, and started to put yourself together again , bit by bit, your life will get better , but you got to get to that point that you want to get out ,to actually do it , otherwise sadly you will go back, its a vicious circle but it can be broken , Yup Its really not as simple as just staying on someones couch He is a controlling bully and has already called the police on me a number of times, to frighten me do u work ? I know ppl want you to leave straight away ! But unless you not been in that situation its very hard ,i was in it 18 years ago it can be done , can you not put abit of money away each week , till you saved enough go get free , or does he have full control of that ,so its a planned escape rather than a moonlight flit will that work better for u , may take time but the end result is there light at the end of the tunnel , I was signed off sick last year Lost my shit a bit after finally going to the womens centre and being told " this is abuse"" Have you been back to them? Don't know what kind of agency they are but they may have records of it that will help you as evidence. Hope you are feeling better than yesterday. | |||
"Leaving a domestic violence situation will be the hardest thing you ever do , ppl think its easy its not , your in more danger when you leave these men / women ,then if you stay put.as they are losing control, the shelters are good , but they are not the easiest place to be in , other things like money is a important factor, but saying that if you do leave , after youve gone thro all the emotions, and started to put yourself together again , bit by bit, your life will get better , but you got to get to that point that you want to get out ,to actually do it , otherwise sadly you will go back, its a vicious circle but it can be broken , Yup Its really not as simple as just staying on someones couch He is a controlling bully and has already called the police on me a number of times, to frighten me do u work ? I know ppl want you to leave straight away ! But unless you not been in that situation its very hard ,i was in it 18 years ago it can be done , can you not put abit of money away each week , till you saved enough go get free , or does he have full control of that ,so its a planned escape rather than a moonlight flit will that work better for u , may take time but the end result is there light at the end of the tunnel , I was signed off sick last year Lost my shit a bit after finally going to the womens centre and being told " this is abuse" Have you been back to them? Don't know what kind of agency they are but they may have records of it that will help you as evidence. Hope you are feeling better than yesterday. " Actually i hadnt thought of that as evidence. Doh! Thankyou x | |||
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"What is your current living arrangement? I can see you keep yourself in your room but is the property owned or rented? In whose name? Yours? His? Joint? J x" Owned In his name I pay the bills | |||
"I appreciate it isnt easy to leave and think that most abuse is like the boiling frog analogy, there will be financial, practical and emotional ties to think about and of course, safety. If it is safe for you to stay at home then maybe that is what you do until you can make more of a planned move, if it isn't then your safety needs to be at the forefront of your mind. And as others have suggested, there are some options ,not ideal, granted but certainly a lot safer. If you write down what is going on for you and read it back, it may help inform your motives and decision making." This is a good point. Keep a diary of things that happen. You could send emails to yourself so they are online and not laying around to be found. Add dates and times and any other information like background to what else was going on that lead up to the event. Again this is evidence. But also a very important reminder for yourself. Proof that you are not going mad, it's real. It also helps to keep you feeling in control. As he says above, you may not be able to physically escape today but it all adds up to steps to freedom. | |||
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"Im struggling Big time I'm currently seriously considering chaining myself to the railings of the local womens centre Thats how desperate i am If anyone has any experience of refuges, i would really appreciate pm's Naturally, in the strictest confidence Thankyou " I have private messaged you . K | |||
"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here " there are places that will help.. and all restrictions on travel do not apply. | |||
"There’s a some good advise on here and I don’t have anything else I can add but I’m just hoping you’re ok OP. Please go down any means to get help. Im probably as low as Ive ever been right now So low that Im prepared to post details of my hell on here there are places that will help.. and all restrictions on travel do not apply. " Trouble is, what Boris says and what actually happens dont always correlate | |||
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