FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Not all men

Not all men

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No, it's not ALL men.

But we have no way to know which men, and some men is still too many men. So until it's absolutely NO men, we have to be cautious of ALL men.

Every woman you know has taken a longer route, has doubled back on herself, has pretended to dawdle by a shop window, has held her keys in her hand, has made a fake phone call, has rounded a corner and run.

Every woman you know has walked home scared.

EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW.

So whilst it might not be all men, it is all women.

"Take a cab"

"Don't walk down a dark road"

"Don't be alone"

"Don't wear anything too provocative"

"Have your keys in your hand ready"

"Don't wear headphones"

"Make sure you're not d*unk"

"Don't stop to talk to anyone you don't know"

"Text me when you get home"

This shit has got to stop!

I saw something this morning that reminded me, when I was a young teen, I remember being told, "if anyone ever touches you or a man grabs you or anything and you're alone, shout fire, not r*pe because people are more likely to come to help". How fucked up is that?

If you hear these stories and respond with "it's not ALL men" you are not helping! No, you might not be out attacking women but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman? Never touched one without permission? Never tried it on with a d*unk woman? Can you be sure none of your male buddies have? Do you call them out when they do?

No, it's not ALL men, but don't worry, if it's not you, we're not talking about you!

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent on the subject!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

True.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

I can't say I'm cautious of all men but I like the general sentiment a lot.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I can't say I'm cautious of all men but I like the general sentiment a lot.

Me either. There are a number of men in my life who I trust implicitly. But men I don't know? All of them. And even some I do know. It's sad, but very true.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I can't say I'm cautious of all men but I like the general sentiment a lot.

I'm with you on that

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

I dislike this not all men, when women discuss violence. It somewhat demeans women's experience. And with the government poll saying 97% of young women having been sexually harassed. It may not be all men but it's nearly all women.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I dislike this not all men, when women discuss violence. It somewhat demeans women's experience. And with the government poll saying 97% of young women having been sexually harassed. It may not be all men but it's nearly all women.

Absolutely this

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By *tephanjMan over a year ago

Kettering

As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

Apologise or patronise?

If you're not doing it, don't apologise

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

Exactly Frida

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

Apologise or patronise?

If you're not doing it, don't apologise "

Exactly this. Us men need to listen and change. If you aren't part of the problem you should still be part of the solution. Call out your friends behaviour, give women space and support them when they ask for it. Too many people try to personalise something that frankly isn't about them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No, you might not be out attacking women but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman? Never touched one without permission? Never tried it on with a d*unk woman? Can you be sure none of your male buddies have? Do you call them out when they do?

I can recall two instances where I've gone 'whoa, stop!' and in both of them in circumstances where I imagine a court would have regarded the situation as consensual sex

Both of them, one male, one female were seemingly 'up for it', but both were heavily affected by drink and despite on one of the occasions me being in the same state, I still knew, still had enough clarity to recognise that it was not right to allow them to carry on with their 'seduction' of me

The 'seemingly' bit is the pivot for me

It's not enough

I'm not attempting to make myself into an angel, I'm not, but I do know what's right from wrong and 'taking advantage' (cos that's what it would have been) is, quite simply, wrong

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

Apologise or patronise?

If you're not doing it, don't apologise

Love this response! Well said that man!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)"

To be fair here though. You said can you honestly say that you haven’t .................?

If I was a man I’d be commenting here saying I hadn’t too.

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)"

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment.

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By *oudLoutishLoverWoman over a year ago

Colchester

Not all men, but enough men for it to be a problem by which we live our lives. This doesn’t make feminists man-haters, just realists.

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

To be fair here though. You said can you honestly say that you haven’t .................?

If I was a man I’d be commenting here saying I hadn’t too. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

To be fair here though. You said can you honestly say that you haven’t .................?

If I was a man I’d be commenting here saying I hadn’t too. "

I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his comment. It's great he's secure in the knowledge that he's not adding to the problem.

Just making a general point

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

*** And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment. *** "

***

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No, it's not ALL men.

But we have no way to know which men, and some men is still too many men. So until it's absolutely NO men, we have to be cautious of ALL men.

Every woman you know has walked home scared.

EVERY WOMAN YOU KNOW.

So whilst it might not be all men, it is all women.

"Take a cab"

"Don't walk down a dark road"

"Don't be alone"

"Don't wear anything too provocative"

"Have your keys in your hand ready"

"Don't wear headphones"

"Make sure you're not d*unk"

"Don't stop to talk to anyone you don't know"

"Text me when you get home"

This shit has got to stop!

No, it's not ALL men, but don't worry, if it's not you, we're not talking about you!

Sorry for the long post, I needed to vent on the subject!

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By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

I believe nobody has said it better than Daniel Sloss in his show X amd this was nearly 2 years ago it was released. Google it watch it and then let see if these "not all men" idiots still feel the same.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I believe nobody has said it better than Daniel Sloss in his show X amd this was nearly 2 years ago it was released. Google it watch it and then let see if these "not all men" idiots still feel the same. "

Totally agree! He was spot on!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better"

Quite agree

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By *arker secrets 321Man over a year ago

West Bromwich

Sometimes I'm ashamed 2 be a man as women should b able 2 dress.walk work .play train wotever they want without this fear ...but then not all men are human x

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By *etite_delightWoman over a year ago

BunnyLand

Nicely put OP. I believe that fear can be only understood by women. When a man came out from nowhere, grabbed my ass while I was walking to my friends place at night, I remember myself I was just frozen right then and there and no voice came out from me

My body literally didn’t stop shaking for an hour and unfortunately that moment still stays with me. Doesn’t matter where or how safe the road is! Can’t imagine how life crashing would be, if something worse would happen

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By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

Totally agree! He was spot on!

He was absolutely spot on and so so many men can learn from it

the thing that so many wont get is even sending an unsolicited dick pic is harassment and majority of woman who go to work get paid less than their male counterpart is suffering harassment but men will carry on un educated and think "doesnt effect me, ive not hurt anyone" and continue to #notallmen

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Sometimes I'm ashamed 2 be a man as women should b able 2 dress.walk work .play train wotever they want without this fear ...but then not all men are human x "

It’s not necessary to be ashamed if you’ve never done anything wrong but it is necessary to call out others that do.

Be the one that gets called names by other guys for calling them on their shit, be the one that makes them feel ashamed

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nicely put OP. I believe that fear can be only understood by women. When a man came out from nowhere, grabbed my ass while I was walking to my friends place at night, I remember myself I was just frozen right then and there and no voice came out from me

I'm sorry you had to experience that!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

To be fair here though. You said can you honestly say that you haven’t .................?

If I was a man I’d be commenting here saying I hadn’t too. "

it was directly followed by if you aren’t doing it then we aren’t referring to you

but i am sure we will watch the thread fill up with mens examples of how it doesn’t apply to them anyway

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Totally agree! He was spot on!

He was absolutely spot on and so so many men can learn from it

And THIS for any guys reading is just one of the reasons this dude is popular around here!

You're a good egg

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

No. Because statistically the risk is FAR lower! Yes it happens, but not to everyone you know.

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

You're right OP it's not all men but 'we' don't know that do we.

I was walking home from the bus stop when I was around 17 late at night. It was only about a 7 minute walk to my house. I saw a figure not too far behind me but it got closer. I had my keys in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other. When I could hear the footsteps right behind me I turned round and screamed, pointing my ridiculous weapons at his face. It was my neighbour! He should of said my name, I still wonder why he didn't. That shit me up to be wary until this day, I won't if I can help it walk alone at night. It shouldn't be like that, should it?

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"" but can you honestly say you've never catcalled a woman?

Never

Never touched one without permission?

Never

Never tried it on with a d*unk woman?

Nope

Can you be sure none of your male buddies have?

Not my blame if they have, but have told off one or two for doing so.

Do you call them out when they do?

Yes

I mean, this is good...but as I say, if you do, we're not talking about you.

I almost feel like some guys want credit for being a decent human...

(I'm not saying that's what you're looking for here...just in general)

To be fair here though. You said can you honestly say that you haven’t .................?

If I was a man I’d be commenting here saying I hadn’t too.

it was directly followed by if you aren’t doing it then we aren’t referring to you

but i am sure we will watch the thread fill up with mens examples of how it doesn’t apply to them anyway "

Yep.

Just having it not apply to yourself isn’t enough and getting credit for it isn’t what it’s about

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You're right OP it's not all men but 'we' don't know that do we.

No! It shouldn't! No woman should be made to feel fear like that!

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

They can. They do. I've been sexually assaulted by a woman in the past.

But it's statistically much less likely, nowhere near the 97% of women who have been assaulted or harassed (who have actually acknowledged it) by men.

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By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

Totally agree! He was spot on!

He was absolutely spot on and so so many men can learn from it

And THIS for any guys reading is just one of the reasons this dude is popular around here!

You're a good egg

Thank you Lu

I just always treat people how I want to be treated

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

They can. They do. I've been sexually assaulted by a woman in the past.

But it's statistically much less likely, nowhere near the 97% of women who have been assaulted or harassed (who have actually acknowledged it) by men.

Spot on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better"

the threads at the start of the week about joggers arses and women in tight lycra while exercising turning men on were an example of this - totally unacceptable to sexualise people just going about their everyday lives and to be honest with a world of porn and images of consenting people available at your finger tips its also unnecessary- but barely anyone took an issue with the thread because its bit like they had touched her and because the diet ad exists so women are behaving in the same way

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Totally agree! He was spot on!

He was absolutely spot on and so so many men can learn from it

And THIS for any guys reading is just one of the reasons this dude is popular around here!

You're a good egg

Thank you Lu

I just always treat people how I want to be treated

And you're a fine example of a good man for it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nobody should be afraid to walk down the street, nobody.

But society doesn't always stand up to injustice. I was about 28 when I was attacked in Manchester bus station, nobody did a thing to help... There were people around just watching four lads come from nowhere and jumped me from behind.

That was then and I imagine society would still do the same thing man or woman... Hopefully not, but we should all be able to spot and stand up to what we see as wrong

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

Boils your piss doesn't it?! They jusy don't get it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment. "

It's not an accomplishment, it's just that the op asked as though no men can "honestly say they haven't".

Its almost gone from correcting, to men bashing and judging having a penis as being automatically guilty.

I totally understand how "not all men.." can seem like its taking away from the issue.

Its that many men are thinking they don't want it to become a hysteria witchhunt against men.

Stereotyping as all deviants and dangers

Just like how many people had to constantly defend themselves for a decade and half saying "not all Muslims" , and then "not all asians are groomers", not all single mum are slags on benefits popping them out, etc.

Until you have been in the bracket being completely witchhunted, and the effect it (stygma) has to your life, it's easy to dismiss the "not all..." ... and currently the phrase is that EVERY man is a (potential) danger and threat, even by association.

Which is proven by the OP saying "can you honestly say...."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Am getting that a lot of men won’t post on here today or in fact post saying sorry or tail between there legs ! All am saying is the murder is unfortunate just like kids starving to dearth every day or people being killed in war torn countries! It’s the world we live in. Some good people some bad.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/03/21 09:25:32]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Nobody should be afraid to walk down the street, nobody.

That was then and I imagine society would still do the same thing man or woman... Hopefully not, but we should all be able to spot and stand up to what we see as wrong"

I've experienced similar situations myself. It's shocking and sad that we have to live in fear of this shit! And that we can't rely on people to help!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment.

It's not an accomplishment, it's just that the op asked as though no men can "honestly say they haven't".

Its almost gone from correcting, to men bashing and judging having a penis as being automatically guilty.

I totally understand how "not all men.." can seem like its taking away from the issue.

Its that many men are thinking they don't want it to become a hysteria witchhunt against men.

Stereotyping as all deviants and dangers

Which is proven by the OP saying "can you honestly say....""

Fair point and good examples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

*not like

and i just realised the cola bit of the diet cola ad got removed lol - jeez my typos are bad enough without fab sabotaging me haha

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By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

Why is there so much reluctance to see the actual issue? 97% of young women have been sexually harassed. It is fact. The question should be how do we deal with the issue. Not that's it's not all men or women can be guilty too.

Does strike me a strange that when we discuss young male suicide rates. There isn't a conversation on but young women do too etc. In fact I mostly see women trying to help, share information on how to deal with mental illness.

Why can't see the problem and work together to find solutions? Not bicker about it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

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By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

They can. They do. I've been sexually assaulted by a woman in the past.

But it's statistically much less likely, nowhere near the 97% of women who have been assaulted or harassed (who have actually acknowledged it) by men.

Spot on

But is that because it's not been reported it's happened. Like when it happens to men.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment.

It's not an accomplishment, it's just that the op asked as though no men can "honestly say they haven't".

Its almost gone from correcting, to men bashing and judging having a penis as being automatically guilty.

I totally understand how "not all men.." can seem like its taking away from the issue.

Its that many men are thinking they don't want it to become a hysteria witchhunt against men.

Stereotyping as all deviants and dangers

Which is proven by the OP saying "can you honestly say....""

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

I think this thread alone shows that by my interactions with the men here aswell as the statements I've made.

When every woman you know lives with this fear, there is an issue. And when it's so frequent and so expected it's tricky to just know who's a good guy and who's a bad guy.

Every unknown man COULD be a threat or danger to us.

That is the point.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ndrea_subTV/TS over a year ago

burgess hill

So where have these attitudes come from then? People aren’t delivered into this world with a developed sense of right and wrong. Everyone grows up as part of some society. Most still with traditional male and female parents.

So if there is an element of society that thinks it’s ok to treat women (or anyone) without respect, why?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

Apologise or patronise?

If you're not doing it, don't apologise "

Absolutely do not apologise for others actions, not all us men act in these ways

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why is there so much reluctance to see the actual issue? 97% of young women have been sexually harassed. It is fact. The question should be how do we deal with the issue. Not that's it's not all men or women can be guilty too.

Why can't see the problem and work together to find solutions? Not bicker about it? "

ALL OF THIS

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Also, it should NEVER have been said that women need to protect or dress differently, that's the biggest issue in the way society is taught.

Men should be the ones who change ways.

In Brunei for example, women can walk freely and safely at night, alone. The idea of it being unsafe is totally alien to them.

Thats because the law absolutely smashes the men for any transgression at all.

Blame the perpetrator not the victim.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

We've been getting the hang of social distancing for a year now. When on the streets how about keeping that going?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This post has brought back memories for me of being a very young woman and having a stalker for months. Memories I had locked away. This man made himself physically present in my daily life.

I had people advising me to walk with my keys in between my fingers. To punch someone in the wind pipe if I was attacked. To hide objects behind garden walls on my route home from work. To having a male friend walk me to work in the morning as protection.

And I experienced blame, blame from my own family... its your fault, you must have given him the come on by looking over your shoulder. So I was told to never smile at men when I was outside, to not look at them, to never look over my shoulder, to never wear earphones outdoors, to run to a house with lights on etc

Although he tried he didn't succeed in physically getting me in any way... thankfully I ran and he couldn't keep up. The police were wonderfully supportive to me, they understood me and believed me when my own family blamed me for bringing it on myself.

My own family let me down when strangers were there for me. That says a lot for me.

Everyone deserves to feel safe

Her x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment.

It's not an accomplishment, it's just that the op asked as though no men can "honestly say they haven't".

Its almost gone from correcting, to men bashing and judging having a penis as being automatically guilty.

I totally understand how "not all men.." can seem like its taking away from the issue.

Its that many men are thinking they don't want it to become a hysteria witchhunt against men.

Stereotyping as all deviants and dangers

Which is proven by the OP saying "can you honestly say....""

nope sorry - you can’t compare the current treatment of men to the treatment of a smaller subsections of society because men in almost every scenario are starting from the position of most power - “witch hunted” or not they are not going to be marginalised , they are still overwhelmingly the ones in power making and policing the law

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

Lads put your masculinity ego and dented pride to the side for a minute and read between the lines.

It’s not an attack on men. It’s an attack on shitty attitudes and behaviour held by some that have contributed to a climate of fear that has been deeply entrenched for generations.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora"

Consent is the key for me...

I don't go to the gym to be perved on by creepy men.

If I send/post a pic of my arse in yoga pants on here...well, you get what I'm saying

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t really like getting into discussions about serious matters on here for my own reasons.

But, I am a man (I am not ‘all men’

) and I would be grateful to learn how I could make a woman feel safer, why on earth would I not care if a woman was beginning to feel fearful when I am near her?

So, will I hold back, cross the road, to another way? Yes.

I have never ever been fearful of a woman, but I have been aware when I pass some men.

Now, I am off to chat up some women...respectfully.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree its about working together to finds ways of dealing with it. Sadly, I doubt this behaviour will never end but that doesn't mean there shouldn't be every effort made to try and curtail it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And it's saddening that the bar is so low that this is an accomplishment.

It's not an accomplishment, it's just that the op asked as though no men can "honestly say they haven't".

Its almost gone from correcting, to men bashing and judging having a penis as being automatically guilty.

I totally understand how "not all men.." can seem like its taking away from the issue.

Its that many men are thinking they don't want it to become a hysteria witchhunt against men.

Stereotyping as all deviants and dangers

Which is proven by the OP saying "can you honestly say....""

Not every man is as OP described but women see us all like that in those situations because that's the only way to be safe. Instead of thinking about being judged in the same category we need to lead by example of how different we are can call out the men around us until the experience women deal with daily changes. We have to try to understand and lead by example, it's a major issue that can't be fixed quickly.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora"

HUGE DIFFERENCE. between show me your suit- white undies and i always love being behind a jogger in her tight Lycra and searching her arse for the line of her underwear

that difference is consent

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yet we come to fab and look at profiles that clearly put women down or turn them into items rather than people...

Everyone needs to take a look at themselves really...we engage on the forums in threads that are quite wrong too..

What's the difference between comparing two celebs and stating which one you'd rather fuck and wolf whistling in the street?.. none, in fact the comparison making is even worse in my opinion, zero respect either way!

Educate your children, male and female, stop the bullying in schools and the ego boosting tales of bedroom triumphs in the locker rooms that turns the tiny percent of men into jealous mental nut cases, society is mostly to blame for creating offenders and women.... you are part of that society, its your son that may have no respect for women... and the mens fault for not calling it out as wrong straight away, even possibly encouraging the wrong views of women, for example sons get a high five if they bring a hot girlfriend home, or "give her one for me son" comments, girls... get a warning about men and a personal alarm if they are lucky....i see the connection, pretty sure you do too,

Will always be nutcases in the world, just a fact of life and nature, best we can do is educate, show love and respect to our partners and friends... if a child sees an abusive parental relationship... it has an affect. calling yourself a cum bucket slut isn't helping much either...

I do not condone any untoward behaviour to anyone male or female, I've been harassed by gay men so i have a 1 percent understanding of how you feel ladies, it wasnt pleasant so good lord i can't imagine it on a daily basis..

Guys stand up, be a man and teach our family and friends what that actually means.... and if you don't know....do us all a favour and dissappear from the face of the planet... youre a cancer on society.

I'm sure I'll get abuse for this.. but whatever...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This post has brought back memories for me of being a very young woman and having a stalker for months. Memories I had locked away. This man made himself physically present in my daily life.

My own family let me down when strangers were there for me. That says a lot for me.

Everyone deserves to feel safe

Her x"

I'm sorry if the post was triggering for you in any way. And I'm sorry you've experienced these things

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *etite_delightWoman over a year ago

BunnyLand

I'm sorry you had to experience that!

Me too

I simply don’t walk on my own at night when feeling vulnerable. Problem solved

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *odgerNbadgerCouple over a year ago

Chepstow

65 years ago my mother was assaulted by her boss when she was 15. I was assaulted at 13. My sister was assaulted at 14 and again 3 years ago. My daughter came home with a black eye from fighting off an assaultist at a party when she was 17. Thats not counting the casual groping

remarks, whistling. All men should know that all "their" women have experienced this and stop pretending it doesn't happen.

Edit: the word is not "assaulted"... fabnanny doesn't like the real word

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

Sorry, I'm not saying all women are tarring men with the same brush, just saying that it's the big word at the moment- that ALL men are a threat.

Not just saying men are a threat, but that ALL men are.

Which, given that the majority of attacks is by men, it's understandable why women feel that way.

India is a perfect example of the risks.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don’t really like getting into discussions about serious matters on here for my own reasons.

But, I am a man (I am not ‘all men’

) and I would be grateful to learn how I could make a woman feel safer, why on earth would I not care if a woman was beginning to feel fearful when I am near her?

So, will I hold back, cross the road, to another way? Yes.

I have never ever been fearful of a woman, but I have been aware when I pass some men.

Now, I am off to chat up some women...respectfully.

This is Great!

This is the best response!

"What can I do to help?"

Good man!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *hortarseWoman over a year ago

Norfolk

"We've been getting the hang of social distancing for a year now. When on the streets how about keeping that going? "

I would love that especially at where I work

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

Unfortunately most damage done to women isn't by strangers but by people they know.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

Sorry, I'm not saying all women are tarring men with the same brush, just saying that it's the big word at the moment- that ALL men are a threat.

Not just saying men are a threat, but that ALL men are.

Which, given that the majority of attacks is by men, it's understandable why women feel that way.

India is a perfect example of the risks. "

All men are a potential threat, the reason for that is because so many men are a threat and we don’t know which ones

perhaps if other men spent as much time challenging other men as they did women who say all men , we might make enough impact to have the number of men we needed to assess as being a threat become a minority

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

Sorry, I'm not saying all women are tarring men with the same brush, just saying that it's the big word at the moment- that ALL men are a threat.

Not just saying men are a threat, but that ALL men are.

Which, given that the majority of attacks is by men, it's understandable why women feel that way.

India is a perfect example of the risks.

All men are a potential threat, the reason for that is because so many men are a threat and we don’t know which ones

YES! Thank you! You're literally stealing words from my brain and making cohesive sentences with them!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

Excellent post op x

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By *yantico86Man over a year ago

drumchapel

Yeah it might not be all men

But people don't know which men it is

Hence the caution

Apologies if this offends anyone x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

They can. They do. I've been sexually assaulted by a woman in the past.

But it's statistically much less likely, nowhere near the 97% of women who have been assaulted or harassed (who have actually acknowledged it) by men.

Spot on

But is that because it's not been reported it's happened. Like when it happens to men."

No. It isn't. If every woman on this forum had to honestly answer the questions "have you been sexually harassed or assaulted by a man?" and "have you been sexually harassed or assaulted by a woman?", I will go out on a limb and say that the overwhelming majority would say yes to the first and no to the second.

We aren't talking about bullying (verbal or physical), name calling, or anything without a sexual undertone.

Yes, men are sexually harassed and assaulted by women. And it is just as bad as when it happens the other way around. But again, out on my limb here, the majority of men would not feel threatened by women, and the majority of men would answer the question "have you been sexually harassed or assaulted by a woman?" with a no. Whether that's because they look at a woman slapping their arse, making a comment like "Want some of this darlin?", grabbing their chest, following them along a dark street when they're alone and anything else differently or because it actually hasn't happened, the honest answer to the question when posed to a man is more likely than not to be a no.

I love men. Most of my friends are men. Men are wonderful and amazing and some of the best and most supportive people I know. But you know what? Turn this new hashtag bullshit around. Men are amazing.... #notallmen

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

Sorry, I'm not saying all women are tarring men with the same brush, just saying that it's the big word at the moment- that ALL men are a threat.

Not just saying men are a threat, but that ALL men are.

Which, given that the majority of attacks is by men, it's understandable why women feel that way.

India is a perfect example of the risks.

All men are a potential threat, the reason for that is because so many men are a threat and we don’t know which ones

YES! Thank you! You're literally stealing words from my brain and making cohesive sentences with them!

makes a change for anything i write to be cohesive

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora"

The difference with your example is that it’s asking the people of the forums to engage. A person running down the street isn’t engaging and doesn’t want to be sexualised.

The question is about consent

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Women do you feel scared around other women.

Because they can do these things to.

They can. They do. I've been sexually assaulted by a woman in the past.

But it's statistically much less likely, nowhere near the 97% of women who have been assaulted or harassed (who have actually acknowledged it) by men.

Spot on

But is that because it's not been reported it's happened. Like when it happens to men.

We aren't talking about bullying (verbal or physical), name calling, or anything without a sexual undertone.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

The difference with your example is that it’s asking the people of the forums to engage. A person running down the street isn’t engaging and doesn’t want to be sexualised.

The question is about consent"

Exactly this

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *100Man over a year ago

Essex

Tasers should be made legal for personal protection

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a gay man, I do feel a strong urge to defend myself when women say “all men”.

However, I also feel the need to mention that, while I can never compare my experiences with that of a woman’s (I’m not a woman, so how would I know?), I, and many other gay men, have also been subjected to straight male violence, too. So I fully understand why women say “all men”. The reality of this struck me a few years back when I was stuck in the middle of nowhere having car trouble, without a mobile phone. I was awkwardly positioned in the road so that any car that passed me had to pass slowly. I waited a good hour a car came, and it was a woman in her car on her own. As she passed, I waved my hands and shouted: “Can you help me, please?”. She looked at me and drove straight past. I think I called her a rude so-and-so for about three seconds until the realisation slapped me in the face and my stomach churned. I was so embarrassed of myself. I’ll never forget that in that moment she saw me as a threat, and I will never have the opportunity to apologise for being thoughtless.

It does hurt that, as a man, I am judged on the actions of straight men. But I also understand that, in the situation the perceived threat knows no differences.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Tasers should be made legal for personal protection "

Not sure that would be a good idea fella

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I've copied this from one of yesterday's threads.

Not long after I'd left school I walked to my friends house who lived about 20 mins away. Geezer started following me, got to my friends house and started walking up the drive, he shouted "where are you going, I haven't finished yet"

I turned round and he was cock in hand having a good ole shuffle.

Countless comments shouted at me from cars, workmen, groups of lads.

Been on a bus and had a random come and sat next to me so I was wedged against the window and he started telling me to "go on, show me your pussy" and badgering me for my number.

Been on a train and had a bloke wanking opposite (I wasn't the only one on the train, people walking past so that's probably 5 other women that saw and have the same memory - that's 6 women impacted by the same event)

Had blokes grabbing me at work coz they've had too much to drink.

House opposite was having a party, it got to about 3am and I went over to ask them to keep the noise down a bit coz it would only be a matter of time before the police were called, one of the lads came out and was telling me to come in and have a dance. As I was walking away he grabbed my arse and fanny and told me I was lovely before licking my ear.

Yeah, I felt REAL lovely at that moment

I'm not even 5ft tall. I'm well aware this makes me am easier target than others.

Fellas, you know when you're walking past a group of lads, do you ever think to yourself "I wonder if this is where I get the shit kicked out of me, oh fuck.... here goes" and then you breathe a huge sigh of relief when you make it past without incident?

Yeah, that's how it feels walking past you when you don't move out of the way, when you don't keep your distance, when you have your hood up, when you're walking faster than me and I can hear you getting closer behind me.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"As a gay man, I do feel a strong urge to defend myself when women say “all men”.

It does hurt that, as a man, I am judged on the actions of straight men. But I also understand that, in the situation the perceived threat knows no differences."

Thank you for your honesty!

I don't think you're alone in feeling this way. I'm glad you're able to understand the intent behind my post and the point I was trying to make tho! More men need to!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

HUGE DIFFERENCE. between show me your suit- white undies and i always love being behind a jogger in her tight Lycra and searching her arse for the line of her underwear

that difference is consent "

It is a poor example imho

Women perve

Men perve

Both at people out and about

Without consent

Some talk about it here

Others don't

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I DO NOT tar all men with the same brush.

Let me be clear on that first of all.

Sorry, I'm not saying all women are tarring men with the same brush, just saying that it's the big word at the moment- that ALL men are a threat.

Not just saying men are a threat, but that ALL men are.

Which, given that the majority of attacks is by men, it's understandable why women feel that way.

India is a perfect example of the risks.

All men are a potential threat, the reason for that is because so many men are a threat and we don’t know which ones

Perfect

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've copied this from one of yesterday's threads.

I turned round and he was cock in hand having a good ole shuffle.

Countless comments shouted at me from cars, workmen, groups of lads.

Been on a bus and had a random come and sat next to me so I was wedged against the window and he started telling me to "go on, show me your pussy" and badgering me for my number.

Had blokes grabbing me at work coz they've had too much to drink.

Yeah, I felt REAL lovely at that moment

I'm not even 5ft tall. I'm well aware this makes me am easier target than others.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *acDreamyMan over a year ago

Wirral

Given that I am not one of those men. What do you think the solution is?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post. "
Maybe Fab shuts down until further notice !

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"Given that I am not one of those men. What do you think the solution is? "

More education. More discussion.

And more of the good men and women standing up to their friends and family who are those men.

Please.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post. "

For the record, I wasn't suggesting you were trying to say it was an accomplishment...simply that many do. So many seem to want a pat on the back for doing the bare minimum.

I get how it must be a bitter pill to swallow.

All you can do is your best, so long as you are, your conscience is clear.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

HUGE DIFFERENCE. between show me your suit- white undies and i always love being behind a jogger in her tight Lycra and searching her arse for the line of her underwear

that difference is consent

It is a poor example imho

Women perve

Men perve

Both at people out and about

Without consent

Some talk about it here

Others don't "

The major difference is men act on it in person and without consent. They follow women, cat call them or straight up attack them. Do women do this? If so it's very unlikely where with men it's a common occurrence.

Fantasy is fine until you blur the line of consent.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

I was sexually assaulted aged 7 whilst walking up stairs after playing out - we played out in those days. I was constantly shouted out on the way to and from school. Aged 13 I was followed by two youths from school whilst walking home, I was terrified. I was propositioned aged 17 when I learned to drive, I felt scared as he was pushy. Sexually abused by a step father from 10 until I called him out. Am I wary of men ? Yes, do I trust them ? No. I like men and will give them a chance but....

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

The difference with your example is that it’s asking the people of the forums to engage. A person running down the street isn’t engaging and doesn’t want to be sexualised.

The question is about consent

Exactly this

also if its worth anything 5 minutes later i commented similar dislike on a thread written by a couple profile but appeared to be the female from the tone about what underwear people liked to see sticking out the top of trousers

yes i will concede that a waistband is perhaps not as violating as scanning someones arse for a thong line but to be honest it doesn’t really matter its all in the same being of sexualising people that havent asked for it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

HUGE DIFFERENCE. between show me your suit- white undies and i always love being behind a jogger in her tight Lycra and searching her arse for the line of her underwear

that difference is consent

It is a poor example imho

Women perve

Men perve

Both at people out and about

Without consent

Some talk about it here

Others don't "

You’re missing the point of the discussion and making it about threads.

Consent is key, if you’re sexualising a person without their consent, that’s creepy. If you’re going further, that’s wrong.

Your point seems to be ‘women do it too’ which is firstly vastly out numbered by men and secondly absolving the actions of those that do it.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I haven't read the whole thread but I completely agree that it definitely isn't ALL Men that are a threat.

But it is impossible to know which ones aren't.

Like most women I have had many experiences where I have felt harassed and threatened or just plain frightened by strangers and by men I already

know.

I don't think there is a solution - I doubt that the type of men that display this type of behaviour will stop doing it.

It's up to every individual to stay alert - though that is a sad state of affairs

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yet, a woman is more likely to fall victim to someone known to her than a total stranger.

None of this is right. Actually, in terms of sexual assault, it is actually the easiest crime to get away with. Why? Because in a lot of cases the investigation begins with victim blaming, if it even gets investigated at all. If an investigation starts, it's often poorly investigated.and officers are inadequately trained in the nuances of the case. The victim is poorly supported, and denied full treatments until the invitation and court case is concluded. The CPS are reluctant to take matters to trial. Defense counsel attack the witness, the victim, and often retraumatise them. And none of this is helped by decade long cuts to the police and criminal justice system. It's created a golden era for sexual predators.

Don't kick off here, kick off at your MP. The government has a huge responsibility and blame here, but we've allowed them to create the situation.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Given that I am not one of those men. What do you think the solution is? "

Call out the behaviours when you see them, if you have kids; teach them, be an ally not an observer.

It’s good that you don’t do it but it needs to be more

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm thinking back of all the times that men have been very inappropriate towards me and the times I had to be very careful not to escalate the situation.

I'm shocked. It's a lot.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Is this ever going to get better?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I posted a similar thread the other day and got markedly different responses.

The issue isn’t so much that people don’t know the issues exist, it’s when they feel that their behaviour isn’t problematic or that this one misdeed isn’t that bad.

The fact that we portray r*pists and assaulters as ‘monsters’ and that we’d spot them walking down the road is a fallacy.

A huge amount of guys have pushed women too far, not taken ‘no’, leer, cat call, demean and sexualise. Then dress it up as a joke or not a big deal.

“Not all men” is a term used to derail conversations and to defer the blame but until guys call each other out on their shitty behaviour, then it kind of is all men. We need to do better

The threads about bulges in grey joggers?

The threads about guys in uniform?

The threads about men in workgear?

Show me your suit

Show me your white undies

This place is filled with threads like this every day

To pick one thread out to help prove a point seems mightily unfair in the context of these fora

HUGE DIFFERENCE. between show me your suit- white undies and i always love being behind a jogger in her tight Lycra and searching her arse for the line of her underwear

that difference is consent

It is a poor example imho

Women perve

Men perve

Both at people out and about

Without consent

Some talk about it here

Others don't

You’re missing the point of the discussion and making it about threads.

Consent is key, if you’re sexualising a person without their consent, that’s creepy. If you’re going further, that’s wrong.

Your point seems to be ‘women do it too’ which is firstly vastly out numbered by men and secondly absolving the actions of those that do it.

I'm honestly not absolving anyone

I've done it

I know other men do it

I know women that have done it

Maybe my vision is skewed because I spend vastly more time around women than I do with men - both socially and in work

I've never been a 'lad'

Either way, if I've pissed anyone off, I apologise

I'm not here to fall out with anyone

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"I'm thinking back of all the times that men have been very inappropriate towards me and the times I had to be very careful not to escalate the situation.

I'm shocked. It's a lot. "

The examples I gave were just the ones off the top of my head. I've probably forgotten more than I remembered over the last 30 years. When you think about it, really think about it, makes ya wanna puke.

I remember being younger and my mum making comments about a pair of shorts and a crop top I was wearing. "Don't even think about going out like that, you're asking for it"

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post. "

I didn't accuse you at all. But you felt the need to say you didn't do any of the things on the list. If there was a list do you wash your teeth and face, put clean knickers and clothes on before going to work I would have felt the need to say yes, because that is the bare minimum. So I stand by my statement the bar is low

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"Just to put in context and clarify, I'm not of the "not all men" brigade.

Its just that i answered the OP question.

And then got accused of seeing it as a accomplishment.

No, I simply answered the question honestly.

I know women see all me as a threat, i meant the big word is currently that all men are attackers.

But i cant edit the post.

*Wouldn't

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t really like getting into discussions about serious matters on here for my own reasons.

But, I am a man (I am not ‘all men’

) and I would be grateful to learn how I could make a woman feel safer, why on earth would I not care if a woman was beginning to feel fearful when I am near her?

So, will I hold back, cross the road, to another way? Yes.

I have never ever been fearful of a woman, but I have been aware when I pass some men.

Now, I am off to chat up some women...respectfully.

This is Great!

This is the best response!

"What can I do to help?"

Good man! "

I get that it’s all men. But I get that the women don’t know which men, so it’s safe to say that women are allowed to be weary of ‘All Men’

*Just my opinion.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I'm thinking back of all the times that men have been very inappropriate towards me and the times I had to be very careful not to escalate the situation.

I'm shocked. It's a lot. "

It's sad that we normalize it so much that we don't realise until we really give it some thought

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

On a slightly different tangent to this topic, the guys that have a particular proclivity for this repugnant behaviour not only make women wary of most guys when they are out and about , but also ( and this does happen a lot ) if for example , I'm out walking after dark, wether it's to the shop or wherever , and I see a woman walking towards me , I literally move to the other side of the street if I can just so the lady in question feels comfortable.

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"On a slightly different tangent to this topic, the guys that have a particular proclivity for this repugnant behaviour not only make women wary of most guys when they are out and about , but also ( and this does happen a lot ) if for example , I'm out walking after dark, wether it's to the shop or wherever , and I see a woman walking towards me , I literally move to the other side of the street if I can just so the lady in question feels comfortable.

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx"

It's sad that decent men like you have to consider it too! But it's good that you do, more men should. You're crossing the road, a simple thing, will make so many women less fearful walking home. By actively showing us you're not a threat you can put us at ease.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx"

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

Dismissing it as just a few predators absolves people of their actions when they do make women uncomfortable and justifies them telling themselves “I’m not a monster, it was just that one time.”

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

I will also add; it’s people on this forum, it’s fab members and I know of several popular forumites who have assaulted, harassed or ignored consent in the past.

So calling it ‘the few’ or imagining monsters allows those that do it to hide in plain sight

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

Absolutely agree with this. I wish it were few, but it's not.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

And I get that, obviously I have no clue on percentages so I should perhaps amend my original end to " The actions of the bad affect the good " . Perhaps that's more accurate

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

I will also add; it’s people on this forum, it’s fab members and I know of several popular forumites who have assaulted, harassed or ignored consent in the past.

So calling it ‘the few’ or imagining monsters allows those that do it to hide in plain sight"

And this

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have to be held accountable for our actions, to label the many due to the few us a messed up notion..

It's up to us as a society and as a joint humanity, to stand up to any behaviour that is unjust or damn right sexiest or masochistic behaviour that we see, for that to be challenged!! , women and men all deserve to feel safe with our society, to be able to go about there daily lives, not living in fear

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

And I get that, obviously I have no clue on percentages so I should perhaps amend my original end to " The actions of the bad affect the good " . Perhaps that's more accurate

Look! A man! Not getting butthurt and shitty when someone corrects him...proof that it's not ALL men.

We can all do better!

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx"

Thank you x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I'm thinking back of all the times that men have been very inappropriate towards me and the times I had to be very careful not to escalate the situation.

I'm shocked. It's a lot.

It's sad that we normalize it so much that we don't realise until we really give it some thought

So much.

I can and do deal with the burden.

I want better for the next generation.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I've been thinking about the points people have made about threads on here, and trying to figure out how to express best my feelings about them in this context.

Yes, there are many things that we as a forum (not everyone, but many of us) post on here that in the world would be inappropriate.

Fantasies about women in the gym, in supermarkets, at the park. Men at those places and others as well. The difference between posting a thread on fab about it and sexual harassment is massive. The object of the fantasy isn't feeling objectified, isn't made to feel uncomfortable or unsafe and isn't in any danger. And the nature of fab is that we are (on the whole) sexual people with fantasies. I liken it to the difference between shouting out "look at the arse/knockers/bulge on that" and making someone feel uncomfortable, and chatting with your mates in the pub later and saying "I saw a woman/man today and....." The first is inappropriate, the second is not. The difference may seem small but it's a huge thing, one makes the object of the comment uncomfortable and one doesn't.

We request boobs, bums, torsos, cocks, foofs, eyes, lips and more. The difference between us doing it here and me shouting "get your cock out" to a random man walking past me in the street, or having "show us your tits" yelled at me is massive. It's likely that on fab people will be more than happy to show their assets. It is expected that people are willing to do so, and those that aren't, they just don't. They're not made to feel awkward about it, they're not feeling pressure to do it. And most importantly they aren't being singled out to do it in a public space like a street or a bar or wherever.

By the same token, sexualising anyone you may see in the street, the supermarket, the gym, on the school run, in the media (or wherever you might do it) in your head IS NOT the problem. As long as it stays in your head. If it comes out of your head and is done in a respectful fashion and appropriate place it is also not a problem.

I see fab as an appropriate place for sexualising people. That's not to say that I agree with unsolicited or unwanted cock, foof etc pictures in the inbox. That's another issue. But discussion of fantasies, commenting on likes and dislikes and requests for "perving material" here, where most people are like minded, is very different to what happens "out there".

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By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?"

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

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By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said."

But it's common isnt it?

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Fellas.

Your mum, grandmother, your sister, your cousins, your daughters.

97%

Yep, your female family members have been are are yet to be victims. These ain't random people you don't know, these are your flesh and blood.

How would you hope other men behave around these people? You'd hope they cross the street to make them feel safe, you hope they'd step in if they see your family member looking uncomfortable, you'd hope they're alert, you'd hope they're respectful, you'd hope they keep their distance, you'd hope on a train they give up their seat so your family member isn't squished up against some random blokes cock. There's loads you can do if you open your eyes.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?"

It is a good point this.

Personally I feel extremely uncomfortable sending one and havent . Obviously if things progress and I'm asked for one then its different. It may be a swingers / sex site but consent should be applied on here as much as in the outside world

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By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?"

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable "

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

Not taking away from the issue or those that have suffered from it, but the 97% figure being banded about needs to be put into context.

It is based on Data from YouGov Survey of 1,089 women, commissioned by UN Women UK in January 2021. The 97% relates to 18-24 years olds answering that survey saying they have suffered sexual harassment.

Full report available to read at un women

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"Not taking away from the issue or those that have suffered from it, but the 97% figure being banded about needs to be put into context.

Full report available to read at un women

Thank you.

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By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that."

It has nothing to do with being a white knight its about being a DECENT HUMAN BEING and understanding what constitutes harassment. Read my earlier posts on here and you may learn a little something fella

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I've clearly stated it's not acceptable

Have a word with yourself.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *etite_delightWoman over a year ago

BunnyLand

"I'm thinking back of all the times that men have been very inappropriate towards me and the times I had to be very careful not to escalate the situation.

I'm shocked. It's a lot.

It's sad that we normalize it so much that we don't realise until we really give it some thought

So much.

I can and do deal with the burden.

I want better for the next generation."

I second to that

more I think, more I remember and sadly it is what it is, there are always some people who don’t give a damn about how their behaviour will have affect on others x

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *oreno0969Man over a year ago

Rugby

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I've clearly stated it's not acceptable

Have a word with yourself. "

Ok mate, enjoy your day

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that."

I can't even... read the room fella

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I think it shows the huge disconnect and massive part of the problem with attitudes. The whole "you want it" mindset. I don't fucking want it, if I wanted it I'd ask, or I'd expect the dude to ask if I wanted one, not just shove it in my face.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella "

And try reading what I actually said.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?"

Sadly it is common, and therein lies the problem. It has become normalised, not just on fab but on plenty of other sex/alt lifestyle sites and apps but that doesn’t make it right.

If its not requested then how can it be consensual? Consent is key.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Not taking away from the issue or those that have suffered from it, but the 97% figure being banded about needs to be put into context.

Full report available to read at un women

We've all been 18-24 though haven't we?

It's a cross section, as all surveys are.

Facts like these are very useful, thank you for this

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

Maybe people think because it's a sex site its acceptable?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said."

I did. Twice...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I immediately feel guilty just for being on the same path as her even though I know I'm an innocent guy just walking .

Every guy that has abused , or acted inappropriately towards another woman , have conditioned this behaviour in me and many other guys .

I shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable out walking as an innocent guy at any time !!

But I do it because I know how women feel nervous in these situations. So you are totally correct Lou and it's such a shame that women have to be wary and on guard every time they go out .

But sadly the actions of a few affect the many , and it's so sad xx

I see your point, I would say that it’s not ‘a few’ though.

It’s our brothers, friends, relatives, children...

100% and it’s because people don’t make the connection between “just having a perve” and harassment/ assualt - they are actions on a sliding scale and even if you don’t mean it to, by either participating in, turning a blind eye to or actively justifying one end of the scale, you in turn perpetuate the “bad” side of the scale

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that."

Fair point.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Sadly it is common, and therein lies the problem. It has become normalised, not just on fab but on plenty of other sex/alt lifestyle sites and apps but that doesn’t make it right.

If its not requested then how can it be consensual? Consent is key. "

I was thinking perhaps because it's a sex site, maybe people think its accepted behaviour.

But I'm on match aswell and I've been told it goes on,onthere.

Obviously when you get to know someone, that happens.

But Just sending someone you have never met before,a cock pic.just seems bizarre.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Sadly it is common, and therein lies the problem. It has become normalised, not just on fab but on plenty of other sex/alt lifestyle sites and apps but that doesn’t make it right.

If its not requested then how can it be consensual? Consent is key. "

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice..."

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?"

commonality of the problem doesn’t make it any less of a problem

yes it happens all the time

yes its sexual harassment

yea it has somehow become socially acceptable and brushed off which is warped

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

Maybe people think because it's a sex site its acceptable?"

It happens on many many platforms. I do think the nature of the site does something to dudes brains where they forget how to behave respectfully, but it's certainly not exclusively on here.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that."

100% they do and they have justified it to themselves because its a sex site so we must be slags asking for it

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

commonality of the problem doesn’t make it any less of a problem

yes it happens all the time

yes its sexual harassment

yea it has somehow become socially acceptable and brushed off which is warped "

But what I'm trying to say is how many men on here are saying that its completely wrong to make a woman feel unsafe, but are not aware that sending an unsolicited cock pic is part of the issue?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Being big breasted from a young age I’ve always had men think it’s ok to say comments about me, even when I was still a child. I’ve been sexually assaulted at home, at work, on my way home by a trusted taxi driver, on nights out. I’ve questioned myself as if I said anything to make them believe I wanted that.

I agree it’s not all men, but people I thought should have protected me have abused that trust. How do we know “WHO” are the ones to be wary of. X

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying."

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal...

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not taking away from the issue or those that have suffered from it, but the 97% figure being banded about needs to be put into context.

Full report available to read at un women

however if 97% of 18-24 have experienced sexual harassment if you widen that range 18-99 the number doesn’t go down - if you already experienced it, that experience is not expunged after a period of time - you just have mote time for the last 3% to join you

the only way the percentage could go down would be because a larger percentage of older folk didn’t experience it while they were young and still haven't - and all that says to me is the problem must be getting progressively worse in recent times then

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"Being big breasted from a young age I’ve always had men think it’s ok to say comments about me, even when I was still a child. I’ve been sexually assaulted at home, at work, on my way home by a trusted taxi driver, on nights out. I’ve questioned myself as if I said anything to make them believe I wanted that.

I agree it’s not all men, but people I thought should have protected me have abused that trust. How do we know “WHO” are the ones to be wary of. X "

I think its quite a common reaction to think you are somehow to blame(when you are clearly not)

Whether it's a societal issue or something else...I dont know.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

commonality of the problem doesn’t make it any less of a problem

yes it happens all the time

yes its sexual harassment

yea it has somehow become socially acceptable and brushed off which is warped

But what I'm trying to say is how many men on here are saying that its completely wrong to make a woman feel unsafe, but are not aware that sending an unsolicited cock pic is part of the issue?"

Lots unfortunately, that's why these discussions are important

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal..."

I didnt say it was not a big deal.

For the 3rd time my point about it being common was evidently a lot of men dont see it as a big deal.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal...

I didnt say it was not a big deal.

For the 3rd time my point about it being common was evidently a lot of men dont see it as a big deal."

I'm telling you that's how it read to me, and clearly others.

You've made yourself clearer now.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal...

I didnt say it was not a big deal.

For the 3rd time my point about it being common was evidently a lot of men dont see it as a big deal.

I'm telling you that's how it read to me, and clearly others.

You've made yourself clearer now.

Sorry for the confusion

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal...

I didnt say it was not a big deal.

For the 3rd time my point about it being common was evidently a lot of men dont see it as a big deal.

I'm telling you that's how it read to me, and clearly others.

You've made yourself clearer now.

Sorry for the confusion "

But see how easy confusion can be worked out civilly without the need for name calling

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

Oh my god did you really just say that

just because its common doesnt make it right nor does it make it accepatable

Ha ha

Oh look someone trying to do the white knight routine.

I didn't say it was acceptable (its clearly not)

I find it interesting that a lot of men saying hassling women is unacceptable but presumably a big chunk of men on here do that.

I can't even... read the room fella

And try reading what I actually said.

I did. Twice...

Then you clearly dont understand what I'm saying.

I fully agree with your last couple of posts, but dragging another man as a "white knight" like it's some sort of shitty move to support and stand up for women is ridiculous to me.

He was simply trying to show you how ridiculous your response about it being common was. It is common, that's the point. You said it like it's not a big deal...

I didnt say it was not a big deal.

For the 3rd time my point about it being common was evidently a lot of men dont see it as a big deal.

I'm telling you that's how it read to me, and clearly others.

You've made yourself clearer now.

Sorry for the confusion

But see how easy confusion can be worked out civilly without the need for name calling

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

commonality of the problem doesn’t make it any less of a problem

yes it happens all the time

yes its sexual harassment

yea it has somehow become socially acceptable and brushed off which is warped

But what I'm trying to say is how many men on here are saying that its completely wrong to make a woman feel unsafe, but are not aware that sending an unsolicited cock pic is part of the issue?"

It is a valid point. There are many instances where people will ignore their own behaviour in favour of pointing out others.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree it’s not all men, but people I thought should have protected me have abused that trust. How do we know “WHO” are the ones to be wary of. X

I think its quite a common reaction to think you are somehow to blame(when you are clearly not)

Whether it's a societal issue or something else...I dont know."

i dont even think its up for debate - it absolutely is a societal issue - it is ingrained in boys vs girls being brought up differently and lad culture being acceptable and society demonising “monsters” but absolving their sons and mates and brothers from misogynistic behaviour

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

"I wonder where sending someone unsolicited cock pics would figure in this?

Sexual harassment, as if it needed to be said.

But it's common isnt it?

commonality of the problem doesn’t make it any less of a problem

yes it happens all the time

yes its sexual harassment

yea it has somehow become socially acceptable and brushed off which is warped

But what I'm trying to say is how many men on here are saying that its completely wrong to make a woman feel unsafe, but are not aware that sending an unsolicited cock pic is part of the issue?

It is a valid point. There are many instances where people will ignore their own behaviour in favour of pointing out others. "

Like I said earlier

Maybe they dont see it as an issue?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"As a man I apologize to all women. You should not have to suffer all the harassment you receive.

Why are you apologising?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *inkerbell67Woman over a year ago

Clacton on sea essex

Sounds like some of you ladies are afraid of your own shadow....learn self defense or a martial art ......

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sounds like some of you ladies are afraid of your own shadow....learn self defense or a martial art ......"

sounds like you think a woman is responsible for policing the bad behaviour of men

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ionelhutzMan over a year ago

liverpool

I agree it’s not all men, but people I thought should have protected me have abused that trust. How do we know “WHO” are the ones to be wary of. X

I think its quite a common reaction to think you are somehow to blame(when you are clearly not)

Whether it's a societal issue or something else...I dont know.

Cant really disagree with that..but on the flip side you get women who are drawn to the "bad boy's

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

"Sounds like some of you ladies are afraid of your own shadow....learn self defense or a martial art ......"

Seriously? It's the women at fault

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Not all men.

Too many men.

Too long.

Men, we need your help to end this.

For your grandmother, mother, sister, daughter, partner, friends, colleagues.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Sounds like some of you ladies are afraid of your own shadow....learn self defense or a martial art ......"

Wow!

Nice!

I spent years learning both!

I'm glad you've never been so terrified you cannot move. Or been on the receiving end of an attack from a bloke much bigger and stronger and a trained fighter themselves?

How about we teach our men and boys to respect women instead of insisting women need to learn to be tougher?!

I kickboxed for 6 years, took self defence classed for over a year after the first time I was r*ped at 13 years of age walking home in the daylight in a residential area.

I was still r*ped, assaulted and harassed by multiple men after that.

Is that my fault?

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ssex_tomMan over a year ago

Chelmsford

It's shocking that women feel harassed and don't feel safe. No it's not all men but the women cannot different between the good and the bad.

I do everything I can to make women feel safe. I always insist that any first meet is in a public place like a coffee shop and always tell them that I don't mind them leaving ten minutes before me.

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)