FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Inclusive or exclusive
Inclusive or exclusive
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
Could you elaborate please?
Your question isnt clear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
Personally it makes no difference to me.
I’m honest & open and will call people out if they’re being exclusive.
I’ve been on here a while now and some areas, especially the Lounge do have cliques, if that works for them and gives them the confidence to post on here then surely that’s a positive?
When it turns to victimisation, bullying or shaming, then that’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
It shouldn’t exclude anyone as we’re all supposed to be here for the same thing but sometimes there are a few too many ‘look at me’ type threads.... I generally leave them well alone.
I’ve met a lot of lovely people from Lounge threads and can’t wait to see them again in December.... fingers crossed  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You are going to get a lot of different answers because we all have different experiences of the forums for many different reasons actually.
For me personally I think sometimes it can feel very inclusive and others very exclusive.
There are threads that are more encouraging of lurkers or new posters than others, There are some threads that feel like if you part of the "in joke" or don't respond in a way that the others on the tread approve of than it make you feel an intruder.
I think generally most people don't go out of their way to make anyone feel excluded, It depends on the thread type some threads like the nocturnal thread and a few others that every post gets replied to because it's more of a chat thread.
Others might be a debate or a conversation where the OP doesn't really comment or only comments to some posts.
I think most people's experience depends on the type of threads they comment on to be honest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
Could you elaborate please?
Your question isnt clear"
Quite simply I'm asking if ppl are made to feel included or excluded, and what as to why they feel this way... it's not an attack or a dig, its born out of general curiosity |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
Could you elaborate please?
Your question isnt clear
Quite simply I'm asking if ppl are made to feel included or excluded, and what as to why they feel this way... it's not an attack or a dig, its born out of general curiosity "
I think it was a very clear question. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
Could you elaborate please?
Your question isnt clear
Quite simply I'm asking if ppl are made to feel included or excluded, and what as to why they feel this way... it's not an attack or a dig, its born out of general curiosity "
I dont feel either of those things.
I'm just here for a laugh.
I dont need affirmation, cos I couldnt care less what people think |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Despite having been on here for years, I only started using forum's very recently, actually out of boredom, and curiousity during lockdown. Now with all the attention that my profile is getting, and the private messages I'm recieving, I wish I'd discovered forum's as means of drawing attention to myself years ago. There could be some very interesting meets after it's safe to do so. Watch this space. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think whether you feel included or excluded is more about the individual than the people posting.
Some threads can be intimidating, especially if lots of regulars are commenting. Personally I have found the forums for the most part welcoming and respectful, even when people don’t agree with me.
There are a lot of snowflakes that cannot deal with having their opinions challenged who either crumble or lash out, but they tend to move on quickly.
I get tons and tons of random messages, but generally the ones that stick are from people who participate in the forums.
It’s a good place x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It can be both. As Lorna said, there are posts for newbies, and posts that are more for people you know each other.
I think it can be hard for new people to get noticed at times, and they may feel excluded, but that’s the nature of a group of people who are familiar with the others.
There are so many different types of personality on here, you will always get those who try and include all, those who stick with their tried and trusted group, and those who are too shy or uncomfortable with talking to newer people (and a myriad of other reasons).
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think there are some people who go out of their way to make the forum's very inclusive. However, it is easy to feel left out sometimes, especially if you're a newbie or don't post very often.
I do also think it is a bit of what you put in you get out.
Of course people who know each other are going to be more familiar and have their own jokes or conversations going on, that's only natural.
Kx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It depends on the thread. Some are very inclusive and others are impenetrable. I've only been back for 3 months after a long break so there are lots of people who don't know me and prefer to converse with those they're familiar with, which is totally ok. Not everyone is naturally outgoing and gregarious, myself included, so it would be unreasonable to expect people to behave contrary to their nature. The more I post the more I'm recognised and included, just like in real life social situations. Being female as a newbie is a bonus on the forum and I imagine it's a different story for the men when they first join. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The forum is inclusive.
People can be exclusive.
I can only talk to people I believe I will get on with. And I expect the same.
"
I think this is a very good way of putting it. The forums are for everyone and on the whole, most people are open to interacting with anyone. Some people aren't and really people aren't actually obligated to talk to everyone. I don't think there's necessarily malice in it. I think sometimes people lack the emotional energy to talk to new people on here, just as in real life.
I also think that new people can fall into the trap of thinking that sometimes feeling invisible on here is exclusively a new person experience but it isn't. I think no matter how long you've been here, we all have times we feel that way. This place is also ever shifting and the "regulars" frequently change as people leave and new people join so it's natural to go through phases of knowing many at times and other times hardly knowing anyone who's posting.
Some people seem to have this idea that there is one big group of regular forum users who are friends that new people need to break into this group to become accepted and popular. The reality is much more like real life in that there are many small groups of friends on here from socials and clubs. Some will be friendly with a few but not necessarily everyone their friends are friends with. Some will virtually be strangers to them, some won't get on, some are friendly but don't necessarily click. Just as in eveey day life social circles are complicated and ever shifting. However, even with having friends, with the sheer size of this place, the majority of people on the forums will always be strangers to you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The forum is inclusive.
People can be exclusive.
I can only talk to people I believe I will get on with. And I expect the same.
I think this is a very good way of putting it. The forums are for everyone and on the whole, most people are open to interacting with anyone. Some people aren't and really people aren't actually obligated to talk to everyone. I don't think there's necessarily malice in it. I think sometimes people lack the emotional energy to talk to new people on here, just as in real life.
I also think that new people can fall into the trap of thinking that sometimes feeling invisible on here is exclusively a new person experience but it isn't. I think no matter how long you've been here, we all have times we feel that way. This place is also ever shifting and the "regulars" frequently change as people leave and new people join so it's natural to go through phases of knowing many at times and other times hardly knowing anyone who's posting.
Some people seem to have this idea that there is one big group of regular forum users who are friends that new people need to break into this group to become accepted and popular. The reality is much more like real life in that there are many small groups of friends on here from socials and clubs. Some will be friendly with a few but not necessarily everyone their friends are friends with. Some will virtually be strangers to them, some won't get on, some are friendly but don't necessarily click. Just as in eveey day life social circles are complicated and ever shifting. However, even with having friends, with the sheer size of this place, the majority of people on the forums will always be strangers to you. "
Also this  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
To be honest i do not care. I say what i want to say. Not everyone will agree with me but that is life. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
To be honest i do not care. I say what i want to say. Not everyone will agree with me but that is life."
And i would not agree with someone just because they were a friend if our views differ. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I wouldn't think too deeply about it OP - the forums are for everyone and most of us talk to ourselves a lot of the time 
I guess like anything it's about how much effort you make to get to know people and include yourself instead of waiting to be invited.
I've been around the forums for years but do my best to stay away from any cliques, dramas or private WhatsApp groups |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
To be honest, since I’ve returned I’ve felt very much on the outside of the forums.
I recognise that many don’t know me and that lockdown has meant that those that remained have been chatting far more, so in that way it’s made sense but I’m seeing things from the perspective of a newbie for the first time in a while.
Yes there are reasons and I’m fully aware of how dynamics build but I’d definitely say that certain threads are very much for the regulars and exclude those that aren’t known or female. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
As a relative newcomer I’ve generally found it to be friendly and inclusive and some long term members go out of their way to be welcoming.
In any social environment some people will be more comfortable forming their own groups and yes, cliques, and prefer not to interact outside these. But on Fab it’s fairly easy to ignore these and find threads and people who are more open minded. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
Could you elaborate please?
Your question isnt clear
Quite simply I'm asking if ppl are made to feel included or excluded, and what as to why they feel this way... it's not an attack or a dig, its born out of general curiosity "
Write a long post about the forums i come and go for many years seeing if anything change. Some threads are inclusive but many are exclusive. See the words "Its just a bit if fun used a lot" see people try to get involved and frozen out. I'm not one to stand by if I see unfairness but it's like paddling up hill and have been slamed for doing so. As has been posted many times before, people need reaffirmation by others and attention of others in forums with makes them difficult place to navigate.
As you have found people will get very defensive if you mention the word exclusive.
As I post this I know the response already.
There was a thread about Warning Notices - I rested.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Both depending on the thread.
It's easy to feel excluded as a newbie on the fuck, kiss, but in the back garden threads because they fly off quickly at times and people get missed due to the speed of posters posting. Other times on those threads blokes skip other blokes coz they may feel a bit weird replying to a chap.
People can feel excluded because they've not had a reply on a discussion thread. They feel ignored.
What they don't see however is people reading their words and either nodding along or shaking their head thinking "shut up ya prick" there is no like or dislike button for readers to wallop and I think they'd feel far more "heard" if there was.
I can understand why the site doesn't have one tho, I reckon people would use that as a green light of interest in a person rather than agreement of something they'd said and potentially make a pest of themselves leading to less forum interactions instead of more. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I think the forums are a lot like real life. I've found them to be very welcoming and inclusive when I've put the effort in.
There are friendship groups on here, which is only natural really.
There have been occasions when things get nasty but I don't think it happens as much as people think. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Hi OP, from my 4 years here I'd say how people are included or excluded can depend on which way the wind is blowing.
I see threads where everyone plays nicely and others where people get stomped on for no other obvious reason than they aren't in the "alleged Clique".
Two people can ask the same question and get totally different responses, and it isn't all gender driven.
I'd say the majority of the time it's inclusive but you need a thick skin and can't be overly shy!
I stick to threads (and posters)that amuse or engage me and choose to swerve the ones that don't bring anything positive to my day.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Add to that a huge amount of threads started by newbies have either been done to death and induce eye rolls (there's only so much length or girth discussion one can handle before I start losing brain cells) or they're barely talk about-able.
Example:
OP - horny and looking to chat
Response - try the chat room
I mean, I could follow up with a different response but thinking something which may be helpful is better than just saying "oh right" so they don't feel ignored.
Some threads are more statements than discussions so it's little wonder they don't get much in the way of a reply
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
From a purely personal perspective I don't tend to think of it in terms of inclusivity or exclusivity towards me - I just do my thing and use them how I use them when I choose to do so. I'll post or offer an opinion where I think I have something relevant to say, if it's not responded to, or ignored it doesn't bother me in the slightest, likewise if my post is agreed or disagreed with - I don't expect to be liked by all the people, all the time, and appreciate that on a forum like this there are a plethora of different characters and opinions not all of which will align with mine.
In general terms, as others have said I think there is no single answer to the question - it's very much thread and person/group dependent as to whether something is inclusive or exclusive, and sometimes it comes down to individual perceptions looking in as opposed to what is actually happening.
That said it's undeniable that there are some threads and people that do tend to be the same group(s) of people bouncing off one another, or dominated by one person replying to everything and they can *seem* fairly exclusive to others but there is a very fine line between inclusivity and exclusivity sometimes too so what may appear exclusive is actually inclusive and vice versa.
The key though comes down to individual perception, which is kind of where I started off - take things too seriously and expect to be included and it can feel quite exclusive, take a more laid back approach, and just keep plugging away and that perception changes.
I also don't think it's even a newbies vs regulars thing - after 5 years here there are still times I can feel invisible on some threads - the difference is how I deal with it, which is mostly with a shrug of the shoulders and an acceptance that it happens. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's a lot of arses open for smoke blowing
If your arse isn't chosen, they can feel very exclusive
That said, they are more inclusive than they are exclusive |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So time to be honest, so I'm just about to start a uni assignment on ppls perceptions, 'topic of our choice' so I've gone with ppl feeling excluded and included' and what is the psychology behind these feelings..
So I thought, why not tap into a platform, that has such a variance of personalities, walks of life and see what comes back to the question posed..
That being said none of this will be used I cant really reference " slung n hung, 2021, fabswingers.com", if ppl are offended or put out by this I do apologise,
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"So time to be honest, so I'm just about to start a uni assignment on ppls perceptions, 'topic of our choice' so I've gone with ppl feeling excluded and included' and what is the psychology behind these feelings..
So I thought, why not tap into a platform, that has such a variance of personalities, walks of life and see what comes back to the question posed..
That being said none of this will be used I cant really reference " slung n hung, 2021, fabswingers.com", if ppl are offended or put out by this I do apologise,
"
Personally it doesn't bother me in the slightest you've used us as a sounding board and feel free to use any of what I said above that's of use (anonymously of course, I don't expect, or want, to be referenced) - others may disagree and say you should have been upfront about it but then I suspect you may have got a different set of answers. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So time to be honest, so I'm just about to start a uni assignment on ppls perceptions, 'topic of our choice' so I've gone with ppl feeling excluded and included' and what is the psychology behind these feelings..
So I thought, why not tap into a platform, that has such a variance of personalities, walks of life and see what comes back to the question posed..
That being said none of this will be used I cant really reference " slung n hung, 2021, fabswingers.com", if ppl are offended or put out by this I do apologise,
Personally it doesn't bother me in the slightest you've used us as a sounding board and feel free to use any of what I said above that's of use (anonymously of course, I don't expect, or want, to be referenced) - others may disagree and say you should have been upfront about it but then I suspect you may have got a different set of answers."
There would have been a diffrent response, if I was upfront and honest about my intentions, it has however given me alot of food for thought, and a direction to work with...
Like I say I'm sorry if ppl are perturbed by this,
But reassured guys so far it's been really informative and I'm greatful for those contributions thus far |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Here’s an open question to ponder.
If you were in a large space and there were one hundred people having conversations with each other, some of them known to each other, most of them strangers.
If a small group of people , let’s go with three people who all knew each other, were having a chat amongst themselves, would you feel excluded?
Personally I wouldn’t feel excluded, however if one of them was to turn away from the group of three and beckon me in to the conversation, well then I would feel included.
My point being that excluded and included are not intrinsically linked, you are not necessarily one or t’other.
I find it fascinating how the way social interaction works is somehow skewed once people are separated by the physical environment and brought together in the cyber environment.
Hey what do I know, especially as I have a wonderful cock and therefore if you don’t fancy me you are obviously deluding yourselves.   |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So time to be honest, so I'm just about to start a uni assignment on ppls perceptions, 'topic of our choice' so I've gone with ppl feeling excluded and included' and what is the psychology behind these feelings..
So I thought, why not tap into a platform, that has such a variance of personalities, walks of life and see what comes back to the question posed..
That being said none of this will be used I cant really reference " slung n hung, 2021, fabswingers.com", if ppl are offended or put out by this I do apologise,
"
I think you should also add in as a question, do you think that you purposely exclude/include yourself |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So time to be honest, so I'm just about to start a uni assignment on ppls perceptions, 'topic of our choice' so I've gone with ppl feeling excluded and included' and what is the psychology behind these feelings..
So I thought, why not tap into a platform, that has such a variance of personalities, walks of life and see what comes back to the question posed..
That being said none of this will be used I cant really reference " slung n hung, 2021, fabswingers.com", if ppl are offended or put out by this I do apologise,
I think you should also add in as a question, do you think that you purposely exclude/include yourself "
I can include or exclude myself in a whim, all depending how I feel about myself, on any given day...but you do raise a good point that I didnt think about, so there will he some self reflection in there as to why i do |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Here’s an open question to ponder.
If you were in a large space and there were one hundred people having conversations with each other, some of them known to each other, most of them strangers.
If a small group of people , let’s go with three people who all knew each other, were having a chat amongst themselves, would you feel excluded?
Personally I wouldn’t feel excluded, however if one of them was to turn away from the group of three and beckon me in to the conversation, well then I would feel included.
My point being that excluded and included are not intrinsically linked, you are not necessarily one or t’other.
I find it fascinating how the way social interaction works is somehow skewed once people are separated by the physical environment and brought together in the cyber environment.
Hey what do I know, especially as I have a wonderful cock and therefore if you don’t fancy me you are obviously deluding yourselves. "
Jeez Fiddles.... you and your wonderful cock got all insightful there.
And actually.... that sums it up as well as many of the other posts have (but I wanted to mention your wonderful cock, obvs). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I’m too edgy to be included in any forum clique!
I’m the emo goth, outsider who spends his time at break and lunch in the school playground playing with matches.
My posting style mimics my sexual prowess, quick and forgettable, so I likely exclude myself.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m too edgy to be included in any forum clique!
I’m the emo goth, outsider who spends his time at break and lunch in the school playground playing with matches.
My posting style mimics my sexual prowess, quick and forgettable, so I likely exclude myself.
"
Pmsl made me chuckle |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
Oh, I'll happily say it like it is, there is a group of 15 or so who dominate these boards and if they don't like your thread/comment on it, it'll die within hours.
Very cliquey! hoping the clubscene isn't the same! xD
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are "
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I use it to post now and again. I don’t use it regular so I sit on the sidelines a lot. I contribute to the type of posts that interest rather than be a scatter gun poster.
Not one for drama, I’d rather walk away from a thread that starts getting bitchy or cliquey although I don’t tend to see either much. When I was on a few years ago a lot more posts were full of regular grenade throwing 
I don’t feel included or excluded...I just feel comfortable commenting
K |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I think it depends on the quality of your posts.
If you post obnoxious comments, then no matter how regular a poster you are, you'll lose friends.
Post nice, constructive, interesting comments, then if you are new, you'll make friends. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Here’s an open question to ponder.
If you were in a large space and there were one hundred people having conversations with each other, some of them known to each other, most of them strangers.
If a small group of people , let’s go with three people who all knew each other, were having a chat amongst themselves, would you feel excluded?
Personally I wouldn’t feel excluded, however if one of them was to turn away from the group of three and beckon me in to the conversation, well then I would feel included.
My point being that excluded and included are not intrinsically linked, you are not necessarily one or t’other.
I find it fascinating how the way social interaction works is somehow skewed once people are separated by the physical environment and brought together in the cyber environment.
Hey what do I know, especially as I have a wonderful cock and therefore if you don’t fancy me you are obviously deluding yourselves.
Jeez Fiddles.... you and your wonderful cock got all insightful there.
And actually.... that sums it up as well as many of the other posts have (but I wanted to mention your wonderful cock, obvs)."
Obvs. Nice tits by the way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are "
Oops |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I dip in and out when I feel like it. There is many a thread I avoid as just know what it’s contents will be, and by whom.
The forum is what you make it, just be you, say what you want to say and don’t expect a response. There will always be those that exclude, even though they say they don’t their posting style unwittingly does. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P "
I think that can be true, but at the same time sometimes it's just a conversation between people, which is what a forum is all about. If everyone stepped away when a conversation broke out on a thread between 2 or more people the threads would all be very short and there would be many less contributors.
I guess I'm saying it is how we react to things as much as anything else that make them inclusive or exclusive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I do sometimes find it interesting and a little sad when you get a poster who constantly posts about how awful fab or the forums are then people give them a wide berth due to the negativity and at times aggression but they then see this as confirmation that they were right all along and they're being excluded because they're new rather than that they've put people off with what they keep posting. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Forums are never going to be all that inclusive, because things move so fast, and communicating by type alone is limiting.
You don't see the people looking unsure on their own in the corner, like you would at a party, so it's difficult to make the effort to include them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Forums are never going to be all that inclusive, because things move so fast, and communicating by type alone is limiting.
You don't see the people looking unsure on their own in the corner, like you would at a party, so it's difficult to make the effort to include them.
"
Thus was never about any negativity towards fab or forums, it was always intended to hear ppls, thoughts, experiences and opinions on the topic, however as I posted earlier there was an underlying motive in my behalf, which maybe I should have made clear from the get go, but i wanted to hear ppls unambiguous thoughts not based in bias, well as close to an unbiased thinking as we can have |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"I dip in and out when I feel like it. There is many a thread I avoid as just know what it’s contents will be, and by whom.
The forum is what you make it, just be you, say what you want to say and don’t expect a response. There will always be those that exclude, even though they say they don’t their posting style unwittingly does. "
She’s right |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
It's learning people's posting styles and sense of humour and possible triggers too.
That gets built up over time, it can't be forced as it's a relatively long process.
In my job I interact with many many people a day. Most of them get the same kinda convo and interactions.
Others who are return customers there's a rapport there and every chance I genuinely care about them on a personal level.
Just because I may ask the elderly couple how the lady got on at the hospital last week and have already poured their drinks as I see them walking through the door doesn't mean I'm excluding the people next to them, it simply means I already know through repetition and learning their behaviours what drinks they'll have and I've more info about them so can tailor things to suit.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"It's learning people's posting styles and sense of humour and possible triggers too.
That gets built up over time, it can't be forced as it's a relatively long process.
In my job I interact with many many people a day. Most of them get the same kinda convo and interactions.
Others who are return customers there's a rapport there and every chance I genuinely care about them on a personal level.
Just because I may ask the elderly couple how the lady got on at the hospital last week and have already poured their drinks as I see them walking through the door doesn't mean I'm excluding the people next to them, it simply means I already know through repetition and learning their behaviours what drinks they'll have and I've more info about them so can tailor things to suit.
"
a fair assessment. I suppose for me (t) specifically, usually when I browse whether its a subreddit or a gaming forum or whatever, there is a subject matter at hand. with fab forums the topics can vary, like, sure we're here for the 'fab' bit, but the forum is a wild west!
So what I'm saying is, for awkward nerds, it certainly feels exclusive, but I'm more than happy to agree that you get out what you put in, and we've not 'made the effort' etc |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
It’s interesting that two people can make pretty much the same comment but the OP will only respond to the one they know/have a friendship with/are interested in. Each poster has their own style but I do feel that if you start a thread asking for views, opinions etc then bring selective about who you respond to is not very inclusive. It happens a lot. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting that two people can make pretty much the same comment but the OP will only respond to the one they know/have a friendship with/are interested in. Each poster has their own style but I do feel that if you start a thread asking for views, opinions etc then bring selective about who you respond to is not very inclusive. It happens a lot. "
I know very few ppl on this thread if any, but I hear what your saying, ironic on a thread about inclusive and exclusive,
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"It’s interesting that two people can make pretty much the same comment but the OP will only respond to the one they know/have a friendship with/are interested in. Each poster has their own style but I do feel that if you start a thread asking for views, opinions etc then bring selective about who you respond to is not very inclusive. It happens a lot.
I know very few ppl on this thread if any, but I hear what your saying, ironic on a thread about inclusive and exclusive,
"
I suppose it does work both ways though - I don’t particularly reply and quote so it doesn’t encourage a dialogue but my point is more about the selective initial responses really. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It’s interesting that two people can make pretty much the same comment but the OP will only respond to the one they know/have a friendship with/are interested in. Each poster has their own style but I do feel that if you start a thread asking for views, opinions etc then bring selective about who you respond to is not very inclusive. It happens a lot.
I know very few ppl on this thread if any, but I hear what your saying, ironic on a thread about inclusive and exclusive,
I suppose it does work both ways though - I don’t particularly reply and quote so it doesn’t encourage a dialogue but my point is more about the selective initial responses really. "
I got your point, if I'm honest you raise a valid point |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P "
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Here’s an open question to ponder.
If you were in a large space and there were one hundred people having conversations with each other, some of them known to each other, most of them strangers.
If a small group of people , let’s go with three people who all knew each other, were having a chat amongst themselves, would you feel excluded?
Personally I wouldn’t feel excluded, however if one of them was to turn away from the group of three and beckon me in to the conversation, well then I would feel included.
My point being that excluded and included are not intrinsically linked, you are not necessarily one or t’other.
I find it fascinating how the way social interaction works is somehow skewed once people are separated by the physical environment and brought together in the cyber environment.
"
I hear what you're saying Fiddles and to an extent agree with it - but to put a twist on your analogy and you're the person entering that room and you make a polite attempt to strike up conversations with others and are roundly ignored by some of them - or you see there is one who just has to completely dominate any conversation, no matter the subject, you're likely to feel excluded, or certainly not inclined to try and join the conversation again in future.
It's a vicious circle to an extent and one begets the other - as I said further up, personally I've been here long enough to know to avoid threads like that, or not to expect to be included etc - but can also understand why others may find some threads/groups exclusive too. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I hear what you're saying Fiddles and to an extent agree with it - but to put a twist on your analogy and you're the person entering that room and you make a polite attempt to strike up conversations with others and are roundly ignored by some of them - or you see there is one who just has to completely dominate any conversation, no matter the subject, you're likely to feel excluded, or certainly not inclined to try and join the conversation again in future.
It's a vicious circle to an extent and one begets the other - as I said further up, personally I've been here long enough to know to avoid threads like that, or not to expect to be included etc - but can also understand why others may find some threads/groups exclusive too."
To run with that analogy, it's also sometimes about the three people joining in with other's conversations, ignoring what's been said then talking over everyone else so those who started the conversation walk away. Too many interesting threads go this way. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
I hear what you're saying Fiddles and to an extent agree with it - but to put a twist on your analogy and you're the person entering that room and you make a polite attempt to strike up conversations with others and are roundly ignored by some of them - or you see there is one who just has to completely dominate any conversation, no matter the subject, you're likely to feel excluded, or certainly not inclined to try and join the conversation again in future.
It's a vicious circle to an extent and one begets the other - as I said further up, personally I've been here long enough to know to avoid threads like that, or not to expect to be included etc - but can also understand why others may find some threads/groups exclusive too.
To run with that analogy, it's also sometimes about the three people joining in with other's conversations, ignoring what's been said then talking over everyone else so those who started the conversation walk away. Too many interesting threads go this way."
My point exactly and it's the same "look at me" ones everytime. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way."
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
"
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
"
Going way off topic but of course we all seek validation and attention to some degree - it's not so much the whether people do, but the *how* people do that can be seen as a bad thing, and there can be quite the fine line between the two, but that's a whole other topic for a whole other thread. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part. "
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Yes. It's great to have a forum where people can get attention and respect (validation) for their opinions. The problem is when this attention is sought at other's expense or other people's right to express themselves is ignored and talked over. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
"
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
"
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"It’s interesting that two people can make pretty much the same comment but the OP will only respond to the one they know/have a friendship with/are interested in. Each poster has their own style but I do feel that if you start a thread asking for views, opinions etc then bring selective about who you respond to is not very inclusive. It happens a lot. "
It does. And at first it did bother me but then I quickly realised that's how some people are. You get it still now - an attractive female forumite will post a thread (normally about a body part/sex act or something similar) and then they reply only to the men they find attractive - to give one example. Why not say you're only interested in reading responses from the men?
I think that the forum can be inclusive but also exclusive - a lot of that can be down to how the person perceives it, the effort they put in to responding sure. I think that more effort could be made to be inclusive as well by most people (minus Jim and Ash and PrivateParts ). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
It very much depends on the person starting the thread I find and whose knocking about at that particular time.
But I also understand there are many on the forum who know each other well. So it can feel as though you're being excluded when you are not.
I tend to not chat as much on here at the moment because I don't feel included but that maybe down to my own mindset. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity
It very much depends on the person starting the thread I find and whose knocking about at that particular time.
But I also understand there are many on the forum who know each other well. So it can feel as though you're being excluded when you are not.
I tend to not chat as much on here at the moment because I don't feel included but that maybe down to my own mindset. "
I think you have hit the nail on head actually.
I feel like that sometimes too but its often more to do with how I'm feeling about myself at the time.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I think there are very few people who haven't had a conversation on a thread with one or two people that could be accused of hogging, derailing, lamppost pissing, self promotion, exclusivity or anything else that might be suggested.
And as Lorna said, sometimes it can be highly entertaining to read. Sometimes not so much, it just entirely depends on who the reader is, how they feel about the people involved and what their mood is at the time.
I always try to be completely inclusive on threads, especially the ones I start. And (this is entirely my own issue) it makes me feel crappy when I read about people feeling excluded. If that's how you feel, why not join in where you do see inclusivity? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think there are very few people who haven't had a conversation on a thread with one or two people that could be accused of hogging, derailing, lamppost pissing, self promotion, exclusivity or anything else that might be suggested.
And as Lorna said, sometimes it can be highly entertaining to read. Sometimes not so much, it just entirely depends on who the reader is, how they feel about the people involved and what their mood is at the time.
I always try to be completely inclusive on threads, especially the ones I start. And (this is entirely my own issue) it makes me feel crappy when I read about people feeling excluded. If that's how you feel, why not join in where you do see inclusivity?"
This was never about if I felt included or not, there was an entirely diffrent motive to me posing this question |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I think there are very few people who haven't had a conversation on a thread with one or two people that could be accused of hogging, derailing, lamppost pissing, self promotion, exclusivity or anything else that might be suggested.
And as Lorna said, sometimes it can be highly entertaining to read. Sometimes not so much, it just entirely depends on who the reader is, how they feel about the people involved and what their mood is at the time.
I always try to be completely inclusive on threads, especially the ones I start. And (this is entirely my own issue) it makes me feel crappy when I read about people feeling excluded. If that's how you feel, why not join in where you do see inclusivity?
This was never about if I felt included or not, there was an entirely diffrent motive to me posing this question "
I know that.... I read what you'd said. This was really in response to other comments but as it wasn't aimed at anyone in particular I didn't want to quote anyone.
Probably should have made that clear. Sorry  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think it can be a combination of both. On the whole I think the forum is inclusive, but it’s luck of the draw who comments. I’ve had issues before where I’ve posted about something really upsetting and in amongst the great replies someone posted a jokey comment taking the piss, that then snowballed into a ping between 2 or 3 carrying on the joke, I found it really rude and it made me reluctant to post again for a while. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So I'm intrested in peoples honest view as to how inclusive or exclusive ppl feel when using forums...
Before people jump on me, chill, its curiosity "
Can't speak for everyone but sometimes I feel I do, sometimes I don't. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I think there are very few people who haven't had a conversation on a thread with one or two people that could be accused of hogging, derailing, lamppost pissing, self promotion, exclusivity or anything else that might be suggested.
And as Lorna said, sometimes it can be highly entertaining to read. Sometimes not so much, it just entirely depends on who the reader is, how they feel about the people involved and what their mood is at the time.
I always try to be completely inclusive on threads, especially the ones I start. And (this is entirely my own issue) it makes me feel crappy when I read about people feeling excluded. If that's how you feel, why not join in where you do see inclusivity?"
Think that's two different things though isn't it? I do pop my head in the more inclusive threads. But sometimes maybe all made up in my tiny little mind. I can see all the friendships on here and it can make you feel left out as if you're not part of a tribe. It's a bit like being in a school disco where the popular ones are in a gang and your left on the sidelines. It can be difficult to pluck up the courage to muck in, whicg is why I think how someone feels about posting is dependent on their own mindset |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Op. Lots said by others. Another way of considering this is the forum as an act of Communication. Factors in all parties will encourage or interfere with how successful people are at giving and receiving their message. You can only control your own factors you bring or exploit. A key one in our view is integrity (maybe trust better expression): as far as others are concerned are you worth the effort? are you a wind up merchant or in genuine need of help that others can offer. Before they commit the time and thought to your situation, it might take a few prods to work out what you are. Hence threads take time to warm up unless you know something of the Op (and thus can appear cliquey initially)
Look at this thread as an example. You raised open question and were challenged early on about what you meant: as answers became more open you in turn revealed your actual driver - the communication turned from antagonistic to supportive. Outsider accepted. Move on to resolving problem.
Of course some threads don't get beyond odd names for your private parts. They can be fun too... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
"
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book "
With some threads, I'd rather grab a book than read the cringiness |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So I have to thankyou all for your comments and contributions, as a student of psychology it has been interesting to follow and see peoples diffrent takes and perceptions..
As fab is a microcosim of society, we do tend to find our 'tribe' so to speak, which unfortunately in its nature brings in the aspect of inclusivity and exclusivity..and how people respond to this,in various forms...
I do agree with we only get out what we put in, and at times perservance is key but also acceptance that! people have there connections with there group, which can be hard to integrate into.
Quite often if I dont feel included, I have to being back to the first person, find out why I dont, that generally comes back to because I may viewing myself really poorly,or feeling particularly insecure or inferior at the given moment
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I think there are very few people who haven't had a conversation on a thread with one or two people that could be accused of hogging, derailing, lamppost pissing, self promotion, exclusivity or anything else that might be suggested.
And as Lorna said, sometimes it can be highly entertaining to read. Sometimes not so much, it just entirely depends on who the reader is, how they feel about the people involved and what their mood is at the time.
I always try to be completely inclusive on threads, especially the ones I start. And (this is entirely my own issue) it makes me feel crappy when I read about people feeling excluded. If that's how you feel, why not join in where you do see inclusivity?"
I think there are many people who haven't derailed threads.
Many more people post than the forum regulars who are prolific posters and more inclined to have a conversation with a friend, whilst quoting the same comments multiple times.
The really old forumites know to just quote the last paragraph or two.
I get eye ache and nausea from scrolling to the latest comment on a long quoted conversation.
As Lorna said though, some are really funny. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I think it can be a combination of both. On the whole I think the forum is inclusive, but it’s luck of the draw who comments. I’ve had issues before where I’ve posted about something really upsetting and in amongst the great replies someone posted a jokey comment taking the piss, that then snowballed into a ping between 2 or 3 carrying on the joke, I found it really rude and it made me reluctant to post again for a while. "
This happened to me with 2 people who have now thankfully left the forum. “Banter”, they called it. Anything anyone posted was always met with acrid sarcasm. Funny thing is that they had pretty low moments themselves and when they posted about it expected everyone to be supportive.
There are some nice threads that look to include everyone. Some regular posters always reply to everyone on the threads they start- a nice touch. I can feel a clique nowadays but it is much, much lighter than it was 2 years ago when the forum was completely hogged by the same 5 people and was turning quite toxic in my opinion. It’s much better now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"So I have to thankyou all for your comments and contributions, as a student of psychology it has been interesting to follow and see peoples diffrent takes and perceptions..
As fab is a microcosim of society, we do tend to find our 'tribe' so to speak, which unfortunately in its nature brings in the aspect of inclusivity and exclusivity..and how people respond to this,in various forms...
I do agree with we only get out what we put in, and at times perservance is key but also acceptance that! people have there connections with there group, which can be hard to integrate into.
Quite often if I dont feel included, I have to being back to the first person, find out why I dont, that generally comes back to because I may viewing myself really poorly,or feeling particularly insecure or inferior at the given moment
"
I've always said "Birds of a feather flock together"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Over the past week or so I’ve been in a really horrible place and have posted a couple of times reaching out for support. On the whole the response I got was really positive. Strangers I’d never chatted with before took the time to write long replies full of detailed advice and thoughts and it’s been really helpful. I’d have been lost without it. So whilst there are some people who seek to use the forums only for sport and japes, there are some really decent, caring people here who will give their time even if they don’t know you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book "
I quite enjoy reading some of the conversations on here. I've read this one anyway . It's interesting to see people go back and forth over a subject. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book
I quite enjoy reading some of the conversations on here. I've read this one anyway . It's interesting to see people go back and forth over a subject. "
Now I've decided to include myself into the thread I started
What I find most interesting is how one topic, can spark such variations in sub topics involved, how people pick certain parts to discuss further in depth |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think it can be a combination of both. On the whole I think the forum is inclusive, but it’s luck of the draw who comments. I’ve had issues before where I’ve posted about something really upsetting and in amongst the great replies someone posted a jokey comment taking the piss, that then snowballed into a ping between 2 or 3 carrying on the joke, I found it really rude and it made me reluctant to post again for a while.
This happened to me with 2 people who have now thankfully left the forum. “Banter”, they called it. Anything anyone posted was always met with acrid sarcasm. Funny thing is that they had pretty low moments themselves and when they posted about it expected everyone to be supportive.
There are some nice threads that look to include everyone. Some regular posters always reply to everyone on the threads they start- a nice touch. I can feel a clique nowadays but it is much, much lighter than it was 2 years ago when the forum was completely hogged by the same 5 people and was turning quite toxic in my opinion. It’s much better now. "
There was mention of banter on my thread that got hijacked. It was really shit.
I’ve noticed there are some regular posters who are repeatedly confrontational and a bit unkind in the way they post. I tend to just avoid them and if they comment on my post I’ll try to ignore it. I got drawn into it on a recent post though. Sometimes it’s hard to rise above it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think it can be a combination of both. On the whole I think the forum is inclusive, but it’s luck of the draw who comments. I’ve had issues before where I’ve posted about something really upsetting and in amongst the great replies someone posted a jokey comment taking the piss, that then snowballed into a ping between 2 or 3 carrying on the joke, I found it really rude and it made me reluctant to post again for a while.
This happened to me with 2 people who have now thankfully left the forum. “Banter”, they called it. Anything anyone posted was always met with acrid sarcasm. Funny thing is that they had pretty low moments themselves and when they posted about it expected everyone to be supportive.
There are some nice threads that look to include everyone. Some regular posters always reply to everyone on the threads they start- a nice touch. I can feel a clique nowadays but it is much, much lighter than it was 2 years ago when the forum was completely hogged by the same 5 people and was turning quite toxic in my opinion. It’s much better now.
There was mention of banter on my thread that got hijacked. It was really shit.
I’ve noticed there are some regular posters who are repeatedly confrontational and a bit unkind in the way they post. I tend to just avoid them and if they comment on my post I’ll try to ignore it. I got drawn into it on a recent post though. Sometimes it’s hard to rise above it. "
That says alot for them as human beings and people, having no empathy towards others selfish n self centred, finding 'banter' in someone's struggles, I'd say thsts on the narcassim spectrum |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I will say (coz I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking) that threads and comments about inclusiveness and all that kinda feel like they're served with a side portion of guilt trip (not this one)
I ignore my inbox the majority of the time, and it's taken as a given that nobody owes anybody a reply or even the tike to read the message.
Why is it so different on the forum?
Why are people guilted into responding to someone so they feel included?
Auntie P threads. When I start them I respond to everyone to begin with. Then as the day goes on, I put my phone down. I go for a shit, look at the birds in the garden etc.
If people have posted on it whilst I've been gone and I've missed them, then they've posted and I've missed them. I already feel a bit shit if I realise I've got bored of it and left someone hanging, but at the same time I shouldn't, not really.
Sometimes ya need to step away, do your own thing. I don't think it's fair to assume someone is excluding others because they've chosen to do something else. Replying to your inbox can be a full time job (as many folks like to remind others) ... well so can replying to people on the forum or before you know it you're in unhealthy territory. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I will say (coz I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking) that threads and comments about inclusiveness and all that kinda feel like they're served with a side portion of guilt trip (not this one)
I ignore my inbox the majority of the time, and it's taken as a given that nobody owes anybody a reply or even the tike to read the message.
Why is it so different on the forum?
Why are people guilted into responding to someone so they feel included?
Auntie P threads. When I start them I respond to everyone to begin with. Then as the day goes on, I put my phone down. I go for a shit, look at the birds in the garden etc.
If people have posted on it whilst I've been gone and I've missed them, then they've posted and I've missed them. I already feel a bit shit if I realise I've got bored of it and left someone hanging, but at the same time I shouldn't, not really.
Sometimes ya need to step away, do your own thing. I don't think it's fair to assume someone is excluding others because they've chosen to do something else. Replying to your inbox can be a full time job (as many folks like to remind others) ... well so can replying to people on the forum or before you know it you're in unhealthy territory. "
I didnt read other comments, just saw this and wholeheartedly agree with last paragraph. Stop and think before you call that being exclusive. You can only try. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I will say (coz I have a tendency to say what I'm thinking) that threads and comments about inclusiveness and all that kinda feel like they're served with a side portion of guilt trip (not this one)
I ignore my inbox the majority of the time, and it's taken as a given that nobody owes anybody a reply or even the tike to read the message.
Why is it so different on the forum?
Why are people guilted into responding to someone so they feel included?
Auntie P threads. When I start them I respond to everyone to begin with. Then as the day goes on, I put my phone down. I go for a shit, look at the birds in the garden etc.
If people have posted on it whilst I've been gone and I've missed them, then they've posted and I've missed them. I already feel a bit shit if I realise I've got bored of it and left someone hanging, but at the same time I shouldn't, not really.
Sometimes ya need to step away, do your own thing. I don't think it's fair to assume someone is excluding others because they've chosen to do something else. Replying to your inbox can be a full time job (as many folks like to remind others) ... well so can replying to people on the forum or before you know it you're in unhealthy territory. "
We dont have to reply to anybody through guilt be it in the forums or our inboxes, if we do reply out if guilt, then what does that say about us people pleasing which then goes against what we really want to do which in turn leads us to feel shit about ourselves, does me anyhow |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book
I quite enjoy reading some of the conversations on here. I've read this one anyway . It's interesting to see people go back and forth over a subject.
Now I've decided to include myself into the thread I started
What I find most interesting is how one topic, can spark such variations in sub topics involved, how people pick certain parts to discuss further in depth "
Quite simply it’s a person’s perception of the topic and which part resonated with them. However some repeat themselves, almost in a way, to justify their posting style |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are ones that can turn a forum topic into being a 3 or 4 way conversation between themselves, when that happens I step away from the thread as there is no point contributing anymore.
You will soon notice who the "clique" are
SO true. I'm the same, once they start, I stop. at that point it has become a 'look at me!' thread :P
Exactly, it's like they crave validation in some way.
Of course they do, everyone wants to feel validated.
Anyone who says otherwise isn't being honest with themselves.
Seeking validation and attention is seen as a bad thing and looked down apon by some but as long as people are respectful i see an issue with it.
It's not a bad thing but when a thread gets derailed by it then it spoils it for everyone who is taking part.
I don't think it does derail a thread when its done honestly and openly I think it's more about other people getting annoyed and how they respond that derails it.
I have to disagree. 2 people hogging a thread just to have a private conversation they could have in private does derail it.
It's boring having to scroll past their conversation to get to the actual responses to the original post.
Yes it does happen and as long as it doesn't happen all the time and let's be honest this is not on every thread that this happens in fact it's fairly few.
Sometimes the conversations between 2 people can be absolutely brilliant and Iv seen a couple of threads like that that I really enjoyed reading.
It's horses for courses i guess.
It is a matter of how much you enjoy other peoples' conversations. Not all are joking ones though, and can divert the intention of the thread.
We have the option to go to other threads of course. Or even put Fab down and pick up a book
I quite enjoy reading some of the conversations on here. I've read this one anyway . It's interesting to see people go back and forth over a subject.
Now I've decided to include myself into the thread I started
What I find most interesting is how one topic, can spark such variations in sub topics involved, how people pick certain parts to discuss further in depth
Quite simply it’s a person’s perception of the topic and which part resonated with them. However some repeat themselves, almost in a way, to justify their posting style"
It's all about perception and identification, that's why I started it and sat back to watch it unfold |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
