FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > He waits, that what he does
He waits, that what he does
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too."
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The worst is when it says they're X amount of stops away and you really need a pee.
Those 5 stops could take between a minute and half an hour  "
It’s all part of their game. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place "
Did you ever find the parcel ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Trick the delivery man then!
You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!
Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!
Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry  xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?"
Yes, it was left on my path outside. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
I can't even get Amazon to deliver to me, as apparently, my address is undeliverable and the local post office and several other locations they won't deliver to either.
Might have something to do with my stated occupation as being a cat burglar, and absolute rotter.
EBay will, as it appears they're not too fussy. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?
Yes, it was left on my path outside. "
Oh, that was 'safe'  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?
Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?
If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Trick the delivery man then!
You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!
Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!
Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry xx"
I’ll lock the front door, shouting ‘I’m going out now, I really hope the delivery guy doesn’t come in the next 20 minutes as there is no one home!’ Then just walk around to the back door and walk straight in the house again. Probably see the little card saying he’s been and gone anyway! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?
Yes, it was left on my path outside.
Oh, that was 'safe' "
Yep, I couldn’t believe it. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
We had a parcel delivered to the wrong address once (not even close to the right street name or post code), and when we complained we were told to go round and ask for it, because yes someone who was happy to take a £1k+ delivery that wasn’t addressed to them would gladly hand it over! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?
Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?
If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them "
I’ve covered this eventuality by wearing incontinent pants  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"We had a parcel delivered to the wrong address once (not even close to the right street name or post code), and when we complained we were told to go round and ask for it, because yes someone who was happy to take a £1k+ delivery that wasn’t addressed to them would gladly hand it over!"
Hope you got it back |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it
Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?
Yes, it was left on my path outside.
Oh, that was 'safe'
Yep, I couldn’t believe it. "
Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Never mind going out, when you’re expecting a parcel do you dare to go to the toilet?
Number ones are probably alright, especially if you can stop mid-flow, but if it’s a poo then it’s fraught with difficulties. There’s the worry of it not coming out as quickly as you expect and then what if the wiping turns into a big smeary debacle?
If there’s a knock on the door at the wrong time it leaves you with a few options and I don’t really like the look of any of them "
See, we've both been there! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
I have one of those Amazon yellow lockers (can't remember what they are called) about 2 miles away so, if I'm likely to be out (which these days is never), I opt for my Amazon parcel to be delivered to the locker, I can then collect it when I'm free. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it
Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop "
Just tightening up the incontinent pants now! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?
Yes, it was left on my path outside.
Oh, that was 'safe'
Yep, I couldn’t believe it.
Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing "
Jeez, good luck finding that |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Or you need a poo. You can't tell if it's gonna be a slipstream speedy one or a stuck there half hour one so don't wanna chance it
Knock next door and ask them to keep an eye out while you pop to the shop
Just tightening up the incontinent pants now! "
Are they the sexy ones for women on the TV that are reaaallly discreet |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Trick the delivery man then!
You KNOW he’s waiting jusssst-out-of-site for you to leave right? because his day is all the fun of cocking yours up lol ... so go out ... but hide round the corner!
Thennnnn ... just as you see him going up your path jump out and shriek!!!
Obvs I’m in a silly mood, sorry xx
I’ll lock the front door, shouting ‘I’m going out now, I really hope the delivery guy doesn’t come in the next 20 minutes as there is no one home!’ Then just walk around to the back door and walk straight in the house again. Probably see the little card saying he’s been and gone anyway! "
Would end up a game of who’s the quickest lol
Hopefully you ... then you could get round the back, run through the house and lie on the floor under the letterbox ... just when you hear him laughing and posting that little evil card through make like a huge dog snap-snapping at his fingers and frighten him to death lol
Those cards .... ewww those cards |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I am lucky in that I live in a rural area. Most leave it in the greenhouse or just out of sight. I have amazing neighbours who take anything in for me too.
I Had one that said I left it in your safe place, I never said a safe place
Did you ever find the parcel ?
Yes, it was left on my path outside.
Oh, that was 'safe'
Yep, I couldn’t believe it.
Someone I know reported a parcel as missing. The delivery driver was adamant he had left it. He eventually produced a photo as evidence of delivery. It was a photo of the parcel on her doorstep. She lives on an enormous estate, no fence, no gate, no hedge. Doorstep visible to all passing "
We had similar, in that it got to the photo proof stage ... yes the parcel was still there ... hid in the electric or gas (not sure, don’t look at that thingy) box outside - but he’d not left a flippin card and I’d never said yeh stick it in there lol xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I wait, as it's likely to be stolen from my doorstep if it's left.
Saying that though, I didn't hear the courier leave my wool parcel on the doorstep and my dogs didn't bark. It was still there when my son got in from work.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have an email saying my parcel has been delivered, but it hasn't.
Yes it has.
No it hasn't.
The driver took a picture of your house, it says no 24.
Send it to me.......that's not my house, not even my road.
Oh..
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I got an e mail the other day......
Our driver will knock on your door. Move away. Then take a picture of the parcel and the open door.
Bell rings.
I walk to the door. I'm a fucking agile old bird with a short hall.
Parcel is in the porch cos HE opened the outside door , dumped and run.
Cheeky bastard then sent me a pic of the parcel in front of my CLOSED door cos HE'D opened the glass slider.......
BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
"
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching? "
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional "
Excellent 
Emotional? Oh? ... what was in the parcel?
also ... please tell me you lay on the floor and scared him like I suggested earlier lol xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
"
You mean you pay for delivery but have to go and pick it up lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional "
Oh thank God!
I was unable to rest! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional
Oh thank God!
I was unable to rest!"
Now, now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional
Excellent
Emotional? Oh? ... what was in the parcel?
also ... please tell me you lay on the floor and scared him like I suggested earlier lol xx"
Foam roller and lacrosse ball. Not, I repeat not a 10’ strap on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"When waiting for a parcel do you risk going out, cause I know as sure as eggs is eggs I’m going to have a little note when I get home again, but then, it says anytime today before 10pm that’s along time to be on tender hooks, it’s great that they’re so specific with their times.
They might well as say ‘you will get your thing from either the hours between dawn or dust, but if you’re not there for a nanosecond we are fucking out of there in a cloud of smoke, sorry for any inconvenience!’
Has it come yet? ... little card? ... still clenching?
He’s been, about 20 minutes ago, still very emotional
Oh thank God!
I was unable to rest!
Now, now. "
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
