i have been married for over 20 years and have had major issues with lack of sex with my wife, who I might add is very attractive. After we were going out together and we had an amazing sex life she told me that this is the honeymoon stage and not to expect it to last. Being head over heels in love with her I did not see how/why it would change
has led to my depression and now i am looking at dating sites that women who are in the same sexless relationship are on. This is the last thing that i want to do but i can see no alternative.I have spoken about this on many occasions but the end result is always the same, she has no sex drive. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if it is taken away then it hurts. Yes i have been to see her therapist and spoken to him about this matter as well as telling him that he can tell her everything that i have spoken about to him if he feels that it would help the situation. She no longer sees him now so that avenue has gone. I understand that not all couples have a continuous "healthy" sex life but we have gone over a year without making love. Yes i do help her with household chores (and have done ever since we got together) Yes i do love her. yes i am there for her when she has issues and yes i do tell her that she is beautiful. She tells me that she does not like to initiate the first move but when i do there is always a reason that she is not in the mood. I do not expect sex for helping her around the house. I believe that sex is part and parcel of being married. I have no idea where to go from here other than looking for the intimacy that i miss so much elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have been married for over 20 years and have had major issues with lack of sex with my wife, who I might add is very attractive. After we were going out together and we had an amazing sex life she told me that this is the honeymoon stage and not to expect it to last. Being head over heels in love with her I did not see how/why it would change
has led to my depression and now i am looking at dating sites that women who are in the same sexless relationship are on. This is the last thing that i want to do but i can see no alternative.I have spoken about this on many occasions but the end result is always the same, she has no sex drive. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if it is taken away then it hurts. Yes i have been to see her therapist and spoken to him about this matter as well as telling him that he can tell her everything that i have spoken about to him if he feels that it would help the situation. She no longer sees him now so that avenue has gone. I understand that not all couples have a continuous "healthy" sex life but we have gone over a year without making love. Yes i do help her with household chores (and have done ever since we got together) Yes i do love her. yes i am there for her when she has issues and yes i do tell her that she is beautiful. She tells me that she does not like to initiate the first move but when i do there is always a reason that she is not in the mood. I do not expect sex for helping her around the house. I believe that sex is part and parcel of being married. I have no idea where to go from here other than looking for the intimacy that i miss so much elsewhere."
You need to be honest with her.
Tell her what you are doing.
If she doesn't mind then cool.
If she does mind, then she at least has the choice of leaving you or not. |
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You're right in that in a happy and healthy marriage sex should be part of it. It isn't fair of your wife to expect you to live without sex, but neither is it fair for her to have sex if she really doesn't want to.
I suggest that you have an honest calm conversation with her. Explain that you love her etc etc but you can't live a life of celibacy. Ask her to suggest a compromise. You could try asking how she would feel about you getting your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere with her permission. If she loves you she will listen to you and want you to be happy. You will also have to listen to her views as she has to be happy too.
It isn't an easy situation to be in.
I hope things work out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I replied to your other thread but I’ll reply here.
I’ve been in a sexless relationship and it’s very damaging mentally, for both parties I’m sure,
I really feel for you and hope you can reach a resolution that suits you both, very soon |
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Relationship counselling for the 2 of you, after you both are honest and agree that you don't want problems between you.
Going outside of your marriage shouldn't be an early step. Neither should the goal be to get her to want more sex with you - you have to think bigger than that. If you lose her trust, that could cost you dearly forever, if you manage to stay together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have been married for over 20 years and have had major issues with lack of sex with my wife, who I might add is very attractive. After we were going out together and we had an amazing sex life she told me that this is the honeymoon stage and not to expect it to last. Being head over heels in love with her I did not see how/why it would change
has led to my depression and now i am looking at dating sites that women who are in the same sexless relationship are on. This is the last thing that i want to do but i can see no alternative.I have spoken about this on many occasions but the end result is always the same, she has no sex drive. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if it is taken away then it hurts. Yes i have been to see her therapist and spoken to him about this matter as well as telling him that he can tell her everything that i have spoken about to him if he feels that it would help the situation. She no longer sees him now so that avenue has gone. I understand that not all couples have a continuous "healthy" sex life but we have gone over a year without making love. Yes i do help her with household chores (and have done ever since we got together) Yes i do love her. yes i am there for her when she has issues and yes i do tell her that she is beautiful. She tells me that she does not like to initiate the first move but when i do there is always a reason that she is not in the mood. I do not expect sex for helping her around the house. I believe that sex is part and parcel of being married. I have no idea where to go from here other than looking for the intimacy that i miss so much elsewhere."
In a previous post you said that your wife was disabled and she knew that you meet others.
Is that true?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No disrespect OP but if your wife is paralysed from the neck down then I’m sure you would have to help her with housework.
Surely this disability must impact hugely on your sexual relationship and have a great deal to do with the way you feel now? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i have been married for over 20 years and have had major issues with lack of sex with my wife, who I might add is very attractive. After we were going out together and we had an amazing sex life she told me that this is the honeymoon stage and not to expect it to last. Being head over heels in love with her I did not see how/why it would change
has led to my depression and now i am looking at dating sites that women who are in the same sexless relationship are on. This is the last thing that i want to do but i can see no alternative.I have spoken about this on many occasions but the end result is always the same, she has no sex drive. Sex is an important part of a relationship and if it is taken away then it hurts. Yes i have been to see her therapist and spoken to him about this matter as well as telling him that he can tell her everything that i have spoken about to him if he feels that it would help the situation. She no longer sees him now so that avenue has gone. I understand that not all couples have a continuous "healthy" sex life but we have gone over a year without making love. Yes i do help her with household chores (and have done ever since we got together) Yes i do love her. yes i am there for her when she has issues and yes i do tell her that she is beautiful. She tells me that she does not like to initiate the first move but when i do there is always a reason that she is not in the mood. I do not expect sex for helping her around the house. I believe that sex is part and parcel of being married. I have no idea where to go from here other than looking for the intimacy that i miss so much elsewhere."
You 'help her' with household chores?
Says it all |
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