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Fab dad jokes

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'll go first.

This morning I woke up to at the crack of dawn.. so I said Dawn get off my face

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Made you look.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Man says to wife:

My bum hole is really hurting.

Wife says:

Ring sting?

Man says:

Why what's he gonna tell me to do x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I saw a bloke swinging on the garden gate this morning

I didn’t say anything, because I thought that he might take offence

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The Doctor said I can touch myself whenever I want.

No, he said you could have a stroke at anytime.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Man walks into a bar

Ouch !

It was an iron bar

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As the Plumber said to his ex-wife outside the divorce court.."It's over Flo".

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By *6996Man over a year ago

Weston Super Mare

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What cheese do you use to hide a small horse?

Mascarpone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did the M&M go to School, because he wanted to be a Smartie.

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By *dsmithMan over a year ago

Loudwater

Best dad joke ever, to be used when a police car on sirens goes passed ....

‘He’ll never sell any ice cream going at that speed.’

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By *aomilatteCouple over a year ago

Midlands

Man to the Doctor "It's hurts when i do that"

Doctor to Man "Well don't do that"

(Tommy Cooper circa 1976

)

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Why won't the elephant use the computer?

It's afraid of the mouse.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My missus wasn’t happy when I replaced our bed with a trampoline, she hit the roof

I’ll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why did the boy eat his homework?

Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why is Santa’s sack so big?

He only comes once a year.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Julian Lee specialises in Dad Jokes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySckrU4UvJA

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do I, after a week of game binging, have in common with a hardcore anal porn actress / actor?

It’s a pain in the arse afterwards, and I have to learn to walk again.

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By *arlomaleMan over a year ago

darlington

Man walks into the doctors and asks if you can catch aids from a toilet ? Doctor replied only if the other man is still sat on it

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By *andyMinx_tvTV/TS over a year ago

Leeds

My friend got a personal trainer a year before her wedding. I thought: "Bloody hell, how long’s the aisle going to be?"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My crush told me that I’m pretty.

Well, the whole sentence was “you’re pretty annoying”, but I focus only on the positive things.

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

"Man walks into a bar

Ouch !

It was an iron bar "

A man walks into a pub. Ouch! It was an iron pub.

I'm not very good at telling jokes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call cheese that doesn't belong to you?

Nacho cheese

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By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

Here's a musical one for you.

What's the difference between a goat and Mantovani's orchestra?

On a goat the horns are at the front and the arse is at the back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you hear about the superhero with a lisp that always worked out?

He's Thor

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What type of dog does a magician have?

A Labracadabrador.

Sorry

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By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

At a wedding in Glasgow I whispered to the bloke sat next to me "Isn't the bride an ugly bint?"

"Do you mind, that's my daughter!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't realise you're the father".

"I'm not, I'm her mother!"

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

How can you tell that you’ve had an elephant in your fridge?

There’s footprints in the butter.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Boy says to his dad there's a man at the door with a bald head his dad says tell him I've already got one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What goes ......black white black white black white black white black white black white

A penguin rolling down a hill

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By *rostgiantMan over a year ago

Chippenham

I like to go to bookstores and say:

Hello, I'm looking for a book titled "How to deal with rejection without killing"....do you have it?

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance haha...we'll see about that!

Love Stewart Francis!

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