 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
1. Is your name winter? Because you’ll be coming soon.
2. I could’ve called heaven and asked for an angel, but I was hoping you’re a slut instead.
3. Can you do telekinesis? Because you’ve made a part of me move without even touching it.
4. One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong?
5. Are you a drill sergeant? Because you have my privates standing at attention.
6. Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore – my face should be among them.
7. Do you like to draw? Because I put the D in Raw.
8. Want to see if you can add “has an awesome gag reflex” to your resume?
9. Do you want to commit a sin for your next confessional?
10. The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
11. I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
12. Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
13. I don’t think I want your babies, but I wouldn’t mind refining my baby making technique with you.
14. Let’s play carpenter. First we’ll get hammered, then I’ll nail you.
15. I can tell you’re into yoga, why don’t you spend a little time showing me just how flexible you are?
16. Your smile is almost as big, warm, and lovely as my penis.
17. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.
18. If it’s true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.
19. Are you a raisin? Because you’re raisin my dick.
20. I’d love to kiss those beautiful, luscious lips. And the ones on your face.
21. I’m a bird watcher and I’m looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher. Have you seen one?
22. Do you run track? Because I heard you Relay want this dick.
23. Tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.
24. Someone vacuum my lap, I think this girl needs a clean place to sit.
25. Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of semen waiting for you.
26. Was your dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
27. Are you a shark? Because I’ve got some swimmers for you to swallow.
28. I lost my keys… Can I check your pants?
29. Are you a doctor? Because you just cured my erectile dysfunction.
30. Do you like whales? Because we can go hump back at my place.
31. Do you believe in karma? Because I know some good karma-sutra positions.
32. When I saw you, I lost my tongue. Can I put yours in my mouth?
33. Do you have a shovel? Because I’m digging that ass.
34. I hope you like dragons, because I’ll be dragon my balls across your face tonight.
35. Are you an archaeologist? Because I’ve got a bone for you to examine.
36. Did you just come out of the oven? Because you’re hot.
37. Do you work at Home Depot? Because you’re giving me wood.
38. Is that a keg in your pants? Because I’d love to tap that ass.
39. Are you my new boss? Because you just gave me a raise.
40. You are so selfish. You’re going to have that body the rest of your life and I just want it for one night.
41. Hi, I’m wasted but this condom in my pocket doesn’t have to be.
42. Let me insert my plug into your socket and we can generate some electricity.
43. If I’m a pain in your ass… We can just add more lubricant.
44. Do you know your ABC’s? Cause I wanna give you the 4th letter of the alphabet.
45. What has four legs and doesn’t have the most beautiful girl on it? My bed. Want to fix that?
46. Your legs are like an Oreo Cookie. I wanna split them and eat all the good stuff in the middle.
47. I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
48. Are you a cowgirl? Because I can see you riding me.
49. Are you the lottery lady on TV? Because I’m picturing you holding up my balls.
50. Do you mix concrete for a living? Because you’re making me hard.
51. I’m gonna have sex with you tonight so you might as well be there.
52. Are you a farmer? Because you’ve got some big, round, beautiful melons.
53. Do you need a stud in your life? Cause I got the STD and all I need is U.
54. Fuck me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?
55. That’s a beautiful smile, but it’d look even better if it was all you were wearing.
56. Are you a racehorse? Because when I ride you’ll always finish first.
57. Did you grow up on a chicken farm? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
58. Roses or daises? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
59. Are you a tortilla? Because I want to flip you over and eat you out.
60. You can call me cake, because I’ll go straight to your ass.
61. What is a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine?
62. Are you flappy bird? Because I could tap you all night.
63. Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
64. Call me leaves, because you should be blowing me.
65. I just popped a Viagra. So we’ve got about 30 minutes to get back to your place.
66. Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I’ll owe you one.
67. You know what I like in a girl? My dick.
68. Would you like to try an Australian kiss? It is just like a French kiss, but down under.
69. Are you a trampoline? Because I want to bounce on you.
70. As long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit.
71. I may not go down in history, but I’ll go down on you.
72. Remember my name, because you’ll be screaming it later.
73. Why pay for a bra when I would gladly hold your boobs up all day for free?
74. Pizza is my second favorite thing to eat in bed.
75. You should sell hotdogs, because you already know how to make a wiener stand.
76. The only reason I would kick you out of bed would be to fuck you on the floor.
77. There will only be 7 planets left after I destroy Uranus.
78. Your place or mine? Tell you what? I’ll flip a coin. Head at my place, tail at yours.
79. Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong.
80. I spent over a grand on Viagra today, only to come here and see you and find out that I don’t need it after all.
81. Are you hungry? Because omelette you suck this dick.82. If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?
83. You must be Medusa because you make me rock hard.
84. Do you go to church often? Because you’re gonna be on your knees tonight.
85. My dick’s been feeling a little dead lately. Wanna give it some mouth-to-mouth?
86. Is your name Dora? Because I’ll let you explore this dick.
87. I would tell you a joke about my penis, but it’s too long.
88. If I was a watermelon, would you spit or swallow my seed?
89. Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I’d love to spread them.
90. Let us let only latex stand between our love.
91. Are you a sea lion? Because I can sea you lion in my bed tonight.
92. I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
93. I have a big headache. I hear the best cure for headaches is sex. What do you say we go upstairs and work out a remedy?
94. I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in.
95. That dress looks great on you… as a matter of fact, so would I.
96. I’m like Domino’s Pizza. If I don’t come in 30 minutes, the next one is free.
97. There are plenty of fish in the sea, but you’re the only one I’d like to catch and mount back at my place.
98. What’s the difference between a Ferrari and an erection? I don’t have a Ferrari.
99. Why don’t you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?
100. I’d like to use your thighs as earmuffs.
101. This may seem corny, but you make me really horny.
102. Do you have pet insurance? Because your pussy’s getting smashed tonight.
103. If I flip a coin, what are my chances of getting head?
104. I’m a freelance gynecologist. How long has it been since your last checkup?
105. My dick just died. Would you mind if I buried it in your ass?
106. Are you my homework? Cause I’m not doing you but I definitely should be.
107. Excuse me, I am about to go masturbate and needed a name to go with the face.
108. Are those jeans Guess? Because guess who wants to be inside them…
109. I’m no weather man, but you can expect more than a few inches tonight.
110. Don’t ever change. Just get naked.
111. I’m an astronaut and my next mission is to explore Uranus.
112. Let me guess your favorite position: anything that involves my balls bouncing against your ass.
113. Girl are you an iceberg? Because you’re making me want to go down.
114. I can see into the future, and yeah, we’re gonna fuck at least once.
115. Can you tell me what time your legs open, please?
116. Smile if you want to have sex with me.
117. My couch pulls out but I don’t.
118. Are you butt dialing? Because I swear that ass is calling me.
119. Do you like cherries? If not, can I have yours?
120. I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me.
121. If you were an elevator, what button would I have to push to get you to go down?
122. You’re so hot even my zipper is falling for you.
123. I want to wear you like a pair of sunglasses… One leg over each ear.
124. Let’s play house. You can be the door then I can slam you all I want.
125. You know how your hair would look really good? In my lap.
126. I’ll show you my tan lines if you’ll show me yours.
127. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
128. You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
129. We should play strip poker. You can strip and I’ll poke you.
130. I’m scared of getting pregnant, so do you want to go up to my room and help me test all my condoms?
131. I’ll kiss you in the rain so you get twice as wet.
132. My magical watch says you’re not wearing any panties? Oh you are? Darn, it must be an hour fast.
133. I hope you’re a plumber, because you’ve got my pipe leaking.
134. Let’s play Barbie. I’ll be Ken and you can be the box I come in.
135. Liquor is not the only hard thing around here.
136. What time do you get off? Can I watch?
137. So you’re not into casual sex? Fine, I’ll put on a tux and we can call it formal sex.
138. Excuse me, but does my tongue taste funny to you?
139. You’re on my list of things to do tonight.
140. I want you to be the girl who takes my virginity.
141. What has 132 teeth and holds back the Incredible Hulk? My zipper.
142. Your clothes are making me uncomfortable; please take them off.
143. Are you related to Dracula? Because you looked a little thirsty when you were looking at me.
144. Great dress. I’m sorry I’ll have to rip it apart.
145. I bet your nipples are pink. Mind if I take a look?
146. Bet I can touch your belly button… from the inside.
147. Want to save water by showering together?
148. I’m an adventurer and I want to explore your cave.
149. Let’s play a game. The fastest person to take their clothes off wins.
150. If I was your teacher I’d give you the D.
151. How do you like your eggs: poached, scrambled, or fertilized?
152. Treat me like a pirate and give me that booty.
153. I may not have gotten your virginity, but can I at least have the box it came in?
154. Sit on my face and I’ll eat my way to your heart.
155. I’m a mindreader and yes I will sleep with you.
156. I like my coffee how I like my woman… creamed.
157. How about you get on your knees and smile like a donut.
158. I wanna put my thingy into your thingy.
159. You look so good, I wanna kiss your lips and move up to your bellybutton.
160. Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyway.
161. Would it be weird if I wanted to bang your brains out, or just that I didn’t call you after?
162. Want to go halves on a baby?
163. I’m like a Rubik’s Cube, the more you play with me the harder I get.
164. I know a great way to burn off the calories in that drink.
165. Am I on an episode of Fixer Upper? Because I’ve never seen hardwood like that in real life.
166. My doctor told me I have a Vitamin D deficiency. Wanna go back to my place and save me?
167. Are you a supermarket sample? Because I wanna taste you again and again without any sense of shame.
168. They say that kissing is a language of love, so would you mind starting a conversation with me?
169. I’m just like a pore strip. Hard to get off, but extremely satisfied once you do.
170. You’re just like a wine tasting. They say to spit, but I always prefer swallowing.
171. I was feeling off today, but you definitely turned me on.
172. Want a job? It blows.
173. Hi, I’m a burglar… and I’m going to smash your back door in.
174. I’m a zombie, can I eat you out?
175. I’m a businessman. I work in orifices, got any openings?
176. Some men go around telling women they have an eight-inch penis, but I’d never shortchange myself like that.
177. Your ass is pretty tight, want me to loosen it up?
178. I think my allergies are acting up. Because every time your around my dick swells up.
179. I’ve just received government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.
180. I’m no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock.
181. Lie down on that couch and pretend your legs hate each other.
182. Do you know the difference between my penis and a chicken wing? No? Well, let’s go on a picnic and find out.
183. Let’s go to my place and do some math. Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.
184. You’re like my pinky toe, I’m gonna bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.
185. Do you know why they call me the cat whisperer? Because I know exactly what your pussy needs.
186. Your face is like a wrench, every time I look at it my balls tighten up.
187. I’ll be Burger King and you be McDonald’s. I’ll have it my way and you’ll be lovin’ it.
188. Are you a sprinkler? Because you’re making me wet.
 |
"
Her x
1) Fancy going half's on a bastard 
