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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think lockdown has brought this on, repeatedly ruminating about events and rotten people in the past, going back 30 years.
Any thoughts on how to break the cycle? The past is the past so want to move on but seem stuck. |
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The thing is to ask yourself why are you thinking about them? They must have affected you in some way. Even if you write that word down that describes how they made you feel, you can physically get rid of it. |
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I'm far from qualified but have had my own struggles.
I tried to find the positives, "oooo what did I learn from it?"
It would tend to be negative lessons. I've learnt not to trust, I've learnt people lie to suit their own agenda and their agenda is not very nice.
Just recently the consequences of it have been the same, however the lessons have been slightly more forgiving - towards myself that is.
The lesson in trusting, yeah I may never give my heart again so the consequences are the same as the negative lesson, but the difference is I've accepted I don't need to. I've accepted that I am the way I am now and trying to force myself to "be fixed and open my heart and life" is a worthless waste of energy. Why? Coz I don't bloody want to.
My values have changed.
I no longer value a relationship enough to warrant the worry, the insecurity, the head fuck. I value my own peace of mind and mental health far more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It starts with forgiveness.. Whats gone has gone, you can't fix / change
So be kind to yourself, forgive yourself
When you find yourself doing it (ruminating) - recognising behaviour is step no 1... tell yourself to 'stop it' (that is step no 2) and do something else
It's hard, but gets easier |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The thing is to ask yourself why are you thinking about them? They must have affected you in some way. Even if you write that word down that describes how they made you feel, you can physically get rid of it. "
Verbal bullies at work mainly. I tried to think of ways to hit bsck without it getting physical. They caused me a lot of grief and they were pally with the management so i felt at a disadvantage. I gave some back to them, not able to do much but enough so that they didn't have it all their way |
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It's a habit you need to work to break. Our brains get into grooves. We need to forge a new path, which is painful and difficult.
Be kind to yourself, be patient, but when you catch yourself, redirect your thoughts. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a habit you need to work to break. Our brains get into grooves. We need to forge a new path, which is painful and difficult.
Be kind to yourself, be patient, but when you catch yourself, redirect your thoughts."
Thanks  I'll try all the advice given,
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I think lockdown has brought this on, repeatedly ruminating about events and rotten people in the past, going back 30 years.
Any thoughts on how to break the cycle? The past is the past so want to move on but seem stuck. "
You asked the right question at the end it’s a great start. A cycle is designed to go around, a rocking chair and pendulum to oscillate back and forth , like a person trying to diet. The solution is about changing structures for better ones |
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"I think lockdown has brought this on, repeatedly ruminating about events and rotten people in the past, going back 30 years.
Any thoughts on how to break the cycle? The past is the past so want to move on but seem stuck. "
Develop some coping strategies..and write them down. Keep them simple. Think of things that give you pleasure... Music.. Books.. Exercise... Sex... Photos... Friends.. . When you find your thoughts turning to those dark places.. Look at your written coping strategies and force yourself to follow one of them. |
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