FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I’m losing money cos of this bollocks.

I’m losing money cos of this bollocks.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Right I know I’m extremely sensitive to shit and it’s probably frustrating to some but it’s frustrating to me too so comments like ‘just get over it’ or telling me to grow up doesn’t help.

I’ve managed to sort out counselling (privately) and she’s managed to fit in a first session on Friday (26th) so I am doing something about my issues. She believes I have attachment issues and issues of child abandonment so will be doing work around that. Ok so I’m being proactive and taking the steps to help my mental health cos I know I’m fucked up.

Doesn’t help my current situation though.

I worked Friday and was fine cos he doesn’t work that day but Saturday was the first time I saw him since I turned up at his house the week before. When I see him he completely blanked me and I wasn’t expecting that so it upset me. I ended up going home only half hour of my shift so I lost a full nights wage there.

After I left though he messaged me and was being all nice again, saying shit like he wanted to go home too and better if he was coming home to me and said stuff like I want to be with you now so instantly my mood shifted and I felt happy again. Get to the next day so last night I went into work feeling relatively good and was expecting him to be tidy to me but he just blanked me again so that upset me again. I went home 5 hours into my shift.

I don’t want to not go tonight either cos I’ll lose another £130.

I’m so used to him coming over to me during shift and seeing him throughout the shift and him being nice to me and then obviously going home with him after each shift. Being there now just reminds me of him and seeing him actively avoiding me makes me feel like absolute shit.

It’s a job where you’re just doing a boring monotonous task for 10 hours with just your own mind and your thoughts.

I don’t know what to do.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It honestly seems like he is controlling you and is getting off on playing with your emotions.

I would try and block him on everything and just try and blank him.

It will be hard,especially when he sees it as he will be all nice again.

Just stay safe and keep yourself sane.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It honestly seems like he is controlling you and is getting off on playing with your emotions.

I would try and block him on everything and just try and blank him.

It will be hard,especially when he sees it as he will be all nice again.

Just stay safe and keep yourself sane. "

Like I don’t get what that was about Saturday night with the messages. I said to him cos he rang me early hours this morning, I was like why say that yesterday and he said that’s what he felt like yesterday, I was like yeah and today you’re like this and he just said he knows and that’s why we need to stop because he doesn’t want to hurt me and that his mind is fucked.

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

Blank him back. Power through the shift and talk to those around you.

Leave his texts in unread.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Hes 23 already got you wearing a bra and now hes doing this. Hes playing you like a fiddle

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A counsellor won't tell you what you should do, and neither should anybody else. Why? because the answer is within you. A counsellor and others may help you find that though.

Think about the situation. If your best friend or child came to you with the same stuff, what would you tell them?

If the answer is good enough for them, it's good enough for you too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Read your previous thread but didn't comment.

He is treating you like a complete mug and you are allowing it. You've taken initial steps to help yourself with the counselling which is obviously good. Invest in yourself, not some clown who obviously gets off on controlling you.

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

I don't know you but I've read a few of your posts about this & from an outsider point of view it is a toxic situation. He clearly gets off on controlling you & you are allowing it to happen.

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

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By *ruebameMan over a year ago

from the womb and tryout to get back

Obviously your starting to get help with your situation but unless you cut all ties including changing jobs it seams he's always going to be able to get in your head not a good situation to be in good luck op

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don’t need to tell him not to approach me in work. He avoids me and blanks me anyway that’s what is upsetting me when I’m there.

It’s easier to forget about him when I’m not in work but obviously when I’m there it’s a constant reminder. I’ve only been there 2 months but the whole two months was him flirting with me, coming over to where I worked about 5 times during the shift, being with me on breaks. Now it’s just a shit boring job. He made it enjoyable to be there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Annie it sounds terrible this he sounds like a control freak it’s sad but I’d say you had a lucky escape from anything forming with him...

I know it’s easy for me to say but it’s from my pov and what I’d do in your situation, you take back control don’t even look at him blank him if you do if you don’t have to speak to him don’t say a word.

Don’t fall for any sob story he might come up with if he wanted you back it’s all part of who he is I assume... if you need the counselling you’ve done the right thing seeking the help!

Don’t be loosing your money over a pathetic boy you’ll get through this!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like there is a lack of resilience within you, an emotional maturity within you both that needs developing, and strategies are needed to help you quickly change your feelings at times when you feel like shit, as you put it. These can be simple things, or more long term, but will be useful to help you regulate your emotions.

Look to establish yourself, in a happy way. Understanding yourself better and what true happiness is will really help you in these situations. The quick wins in your situation often lead you to a path of feeling like shit. You seem like you would benefit from consistency, honesty and simplicity, which you aren’t getting and don’t always seem to give.

Counselling will offer a little help, hopefully more, but concentrate on positivity too. Use friends and support networks in life as well as here. It may not be intentionally manipulative on either of your sides but it doesn’t seem you’re compatible, a classic of two attachment styles or maturity issues.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I’d have blocked his number by now.

Keep it polite and courteous in work. Keep in mind the leaving shifts early thing - If you keep finishing shifts early it’ll start raising flags eventually, especially if you’re a temp. Someone somewhere will be keeping an eye on it.

He’s not worth losing money over and certainly ain’t worth losing a job over.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t need to tell him not to approach me in work. He avoids me and blanks me anyway that’s what is upsetting me when I’m there.

Are you allowed to listen to music/podcasts while you're working? I get being there may be a constant reminder of him but if you listen to music or find a podcast (self-help or otherwise) to listen to, it might help the time go by quicker

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

I'm going to capitalise this...

BLOCK HIS NUMBER!!

This is doing no good for you. You are sorting yourself out with counselling. So for right now, forget about trying, or being in a relationship.

It's time for you to focus on you and this distraction is not helping you.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I don’t need to tell him not to approach me in work. He avoids me and blanks me anyway that’s what is upsetting me when I’m there.

It's good you're seeking help. There's some good advice on here. His motivations for behaving so appallingly don't matter you can't control what he does only what you do. The guys being cruel to you and making you feel bad... As someone has already said... Think about how you would advise your best friend if they were in a similar situation.

Block his number so he can't call or text you. And have a think about what you can do to power through the boredom at your job, whether it be listening to music, an audio book, a podcast. It sounds very toxic for you so you probably want to cut it out of your life as much as possible. Be kind to yourself, give yourself a little goal each day and be proud of yourself when you've done it... Good luck with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Annie these threads of yours are not helping you. You present us with your view/perception of what’s happening which is of course valid but we can only comment without hearing both sides of the story. That can’t give you the unbiased advice you need. A f2f counselling session might work but atm you’re acting like an infatuated teenager. Get a grip. He’s not the right one for you so you need to move on. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm sorry to say but by broadcasting your problems and what you'll seemingly tolerate in behaviour from a man, you're making yourself a prime target for the kind of predatory scumbags who love to find women like you to exploit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

this is now so specific to the people involved, and we know nothing of the fellow. what can we do, and why should we?

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

This is beginning to sound like a broken record

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By *moothdickMan over a year ago

stoke

Try to find another job, I know that’s easier said than done .. but think about taking anything and remove yrself from the situ ... I know the morals of why should I sacrifice and I’ve already sacrificed enough... but it’s all about yr own presence of mind more than anything else... just a simple suggestion but hey good luck ...

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

Firstly well done on seeking counselling for your on going mental issues.

Re the bloke situation I'm sorry to say that mixing work with pleasure rarely works but you know that anyway. Fuck him off I can't be doing with blokes that blow hot and cold.

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By *eah BabyCouple over a year ago

Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria

Mr Not Right is stopping you from meeting Mr Right, as others said block his number, delete all messages (yep those nice ones) be professional at work and move on. Take control back, there’s only one person who should be controlling your life and that’s you!!

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

You don’t want anyone to tell you to get a grip or get over it so what exactly do you want then? He’s a 23 year old who is only txting you when he’s bored and horny.If your waiting for him to do the mature thing then you’ll have a long wait.Block his number and move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Honestly, this whole situation is why I stand by my stance of 'don't get involved, sexually or emotionally, with people you work with'. Because if it goes to shit, this is what happens.

But it's done now, so you have to be an adult and deal with it. Block his number and stop talking to him. He's playing games with you and the only way it will stop is if you take control.

But well done for finding a counsellor. Hopefully they can help.

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By *ittycenMan over a year ago

south west

If he blanks you at work, that makes things easier - block his number, emails & social media.

Essentially, he is abusing you. He is getting you so hungry for his attention, you will do whatever he wants no matter how much you don’t want that treatment.

Keep it professional at work or even look for a new job. Don’t respond to his games and walk away.

He is only bad for you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ask yourself the question

Is losing someone that isn't there for you losing anything?

My ex was a monster to me.I had the decision made for me (I wont go into that) Even though he was a monster I was still devastated.

Now it was the best thing to happen to me.

Walk away from the situation and look back at it in a few weeks or how ever long you need and trust me you will see things differently x

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By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

We are coming into this thread a bit blind so please bear that in mind.If you have no self respect then a certain type of man will not show you any. These men like the chase but once they have caught their prey they lose interest.That is until such times that their ball bags are full again or they need to massage their egos.Like r*p* it is not about the sex it is all about power that they hold over their victims. Do not allow yourself to become a victim. You come across in some of your forum posts as a sexy and sassy woman and worth so much more than this poor specimen of a man. Sending a fab hug and hope you can find that inner strength to kick this man into the gutter where he belongs .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment. "

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe manage your expectations. Block him on everything, and expect to have no dealings with him.

Go into work with the view of having nothing to do with him.

You are not a toy, to be picked up and out down as it suits him.

Find your warrior spirit.

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By *on-snowedMan over a year ago

harlow

Unfortunately anyone who has attachment issues will have the same thing in common.

Its just time and the situations you put yourself into that help yoy get over it.

There is no help or advice that'll work, 90% is always yourself that can move on from a situation.

Unfortunately the pandemic won't let you put yourself into new situations with new people with more opportunities.

So you just have to sit it out and its only up to you if you want to make mistakes and continue to be played.

I dont think you'll struggle meeting anyone and have a connection you deserve.

Its pretty clear people's advice is not helping you at all

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By *sm265Woman over a year ago

Shangri-la

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing."

I'm not saying that she should report him. I said that if he persists after she has told him not to approach her then threaten to go to management, it'd make him back off. But she has clarified that he isn't approaching her during work so it is a non issue.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

I haven’t told him not to approach me. It’s the non approaching me that’s upsetting.

Can’t really say to a manager hey this guy won’t sleep with me anymore.

Wish I never gave him my number in the first place.

Don’t know why guys do it, chase after you and when you like them back they cut it off. It’s like what did you want to happen in the first place.

I said this to him as well and he just said he wanted my number cos he likes me. Fucking so angry with myself.

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By *luebellRacerCouple over a year ago

Shropshire

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

I haven’t told him not to approach me. It’s the non approaching me that’s upsetting.

Can’t really say to a manager hey this guy won’t sleep with me anymore.

Wish I never gave him my number in the first place.

Don’t know why guys do it, chase after you and when you like them back they cut it off. It’s like what did you want to happen in the first place.

I said this to him as well and he just said he wanted my number cos he likes me. Fucking so angry with myself.

Everyone has said BLOCK HIS NUMBER!

Also... what good is him approaching you going to do? Probably say something else to mess with your head.

He's dead to you now. You don't need him. Throw yourself into your work, don't lose anymore time, money, sleep, dignity, on this person.

Now... you blocked his number yet?...

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By *agneto.Man over a year ago

Bham

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

I haven’t told him not to approach me. It’s the non approaching me that’s upsetting.

Can’t really say to a manager hey this guy won’t sleep with me anymore.

Wish I never gave him my number in the first place.

Don’t know why guys do it, chase after you and when you like them back they cut it off. It’s like what did you want to happen in the first place.

I said this to him as well and he just said he wanted my number cos he likes me. Fucking so angry with myself.

He's a young guy. You just want a bit of sex, fun and no dramas at that age. Once it starts getting serious you move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

I haven’t told him not to approach me. It’s the non approaching me that’s upsetting.

Can’t really say to a manager hey this guy won’t sleep with me anymore.

Wish I never gave him my number in the first place.

Don’t know why guys do it, chase after you and when you like them back they cut it off. It’s like what did you want to happen in the first place.

I said this to him as well and he just said he wanted my number cos he likes me. Fucking so angry with myself.

Block. His. Number.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

He is playing you like a fiddle, you can either let him or blank him totally out of your life.

What would you advise a friend or a child who was in this situation?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Block his number. Be professional at work, otherwise ignore him.

Move on.

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By *B69Woman over a year ago

Wiltshire

Your not helping yourself by keep going over it, great that you have managed to get some help.

Cut him out of your life,

Block

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t know you but my take on this is that it’s not healthy for you, why put your time into something that doesn’t put time into you, he says he don’t want to hurt you the ignores and blanks you which will do the complete opposite. Unfortunately guys love a chase and a challenge and for some guys once that is achieved the interest fades and he is defo one of those, I think he knows exactly what he is doing and is playing you a little. All I will add is that you’re a clearly a very attractive lady and deserve better.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You’re the one that can now take control of this situation in your favour because at the moment he’s calling the shots on how he’s making you feel , like everyone has said block him on everything and at work find other people to talk to just as friends to make work more enjoyable! I really hope the counselling helps you and eventually you will see your worth x

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

Sounds to me like you're hoping to have the fairy tale with him, why else are you still hanging on to the drama?

Block his number, walk away. It really is as simple as that.

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

I have a simple solution to people who mess me about. It works every time.

Get rid and ignore.

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

Oh and find another job for your sanity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a 24 year old daughter with attachment issues, abandonment issues following my divorce from her father, anxiety and depression. My daughter has attempted to take her own life on a number of occasions.

I can not offer you advice OP as you must take it from a professionally qualified person, not a forum of strangers (let's face it that's what we are in many ways) with opinions formed from one half of a story... your side.

If I have learned anything from my rollercoaster journey with my beautiful daughter its that I will never fully understand what she is thinking and feeling, she isn't processing information and making decisions based on my perception of reality, its based on her own perception of her reality.

I have had to help teach my daughter to self recover from these emotional crashes and not come to her rescue like Super Mam would normally do. But I am there every step of the way, showing my daughter that there's a purpose to life and that she deserves happiness.

In the past 6 months my daughter has not attempted to take her own life, and is about to reconnect with her therapy as it was delayed due to covid. She still has a way to go in dealing with her issues.

I have never commented on your posts regarding this topic although I have followed them. I am not going to give you an opinion as my opinion is not necessary but will give you advice... go to your counselling sessions and be honest, work hard, listen and act on the advice you learn. When the crashes happen and they will happen because counselling is not a magic wand it's a process of learning and implementation of skills to retrain your mind and natural reactions.

I wish you well, and as a forum member I am always available as a person to reach out to as I am to everyone.

Best wishes

Her x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have a 24 year old daughter with attachment issues, abandonment issues following my divorce from her father, anxiety and depression. My daughter has attempted to take her own life on a number of occasions.

I wish you well, and as a forum member I am always available as a person to reach out to as I am to everyone.

Best wishes

Her x

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"Annie these threads of yours are not helping you. You present us with your view/perception of what’s happening which is of course valid but we can only comment without hearing both sides of the story. That can’t give you the unbiased advice you need. A f2f counselling session might work but atm you’re acting like an infatuated teenager. Get a grip. He’s not the right one for you so you need to move on. Good luck.

Essentially this.

The very blunt version is this, and you have 2 options.

Continue on this endless cycle of playing in to his hands. Doing exactly what he wants you to do.

It is mind games plain and simple, and it's working, and you are enabling it to work. He is manipulating you and your past, and inner issues are allowing it.

Or you dig deep for some self respect, fortitude, and resolve so you can cut him of fully. Zero contact, any contact that does happen is civil but brief and only within work or related to work. Having him still around and manipulating you will not help you with the professional help you need.

The very fact that you still want him to contact you (unless I misread what you said in a comment), after it all and what he has done (based upon what we know) does not do yourself any favours in gathering sympathy or empathy. Advice has been given, sound advice for the situation and knowledge provided to us. If you choose to ignore it then it is 100%soley on you and you are then fixating yourself as a very major piece within the problem.

You know you have the issues as stated, yet are not giving any indication that you truely acknowledge them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lol sounds silly

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I wish you well, and as a forum member I am always available as a person to reach out to as I am to everyone.

Best wishes

Her x

It’s the fact that I have a daughter of my own that keeps me here. I would never do that to her and make her have issues of her own but when I get these episodes I really can’t cope with the pain I feel. Not counting my family and few close friends but I feel like no body will ever love me and I’m destined to keep making mistakes after mistakes.

It’s easy for people to say well stop making them then but they have no idea how it feels when you know yourself that what you’re doing is making the situation worse but you can’t stop yourself from doing it.

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By *rongstantineWoman over a year ago

hull

Chin up, tits out, straighten your crown. Pour the energy of frustration back into focusing on you. Glad you found a counsellor, hope you click (see if you can arrange your sessions so you're not going to work the next day if you can).

Block his number, do your job. Eyes down, self-worth up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Guided solely by your account, he is a little shit and probably boasting to his mates about how he has you running around to his whim. However, your counsellor will probably advise against taking advice from a bunch of random loons on the internet.

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By *eoeclipseWoman over a year ago

glasgow

sound to me like he only speaks to you when he wants something i.e. as we say in scotland 'his hole' aka booty call

He's using your emotions to keep you on the hook & keep himself satified, which is fine in a fb situation where both know thats all it is, this no longer is.

you want more, he doesn't, you cant force him to feel the same nor wait in hope for him to come to that conclusion. your better than that & worth more than that.

It'll hurt for a bit because your working together, but you'll get over it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This guy doesn't deserve you Annie. Block his number and tell him to leave you alone. It's awful to read about how he's making you feel. Sorry you're going through this x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's why you should never dip your nib in the office inkwell!

So many friends hooked up at work with disastrous consequences. Relationships at my place now have to be declared to prevent favouritism - and drama when it goes tits up.

Hope your counselling helps you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Annie have you ever dumped someone? Or has it only ever been the man who has ended your relationships?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Annie, I am not attempting to diagnose here or anything - merely sharing my experience.

A few years ago, I went to a support group for people with Borderline Personality Disorder - and what you describe here, particularly the episodes of intense pain that you can't really deal with, and feel of abandonment really rings bells.

Look into DBT - Dialectical behaviour therapy. There's a lot of information about it online, and you can buy books too. I found it very interesting and very helpful.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Block. His. Number.

There is no professional reason for him to contact you outside of work. Keep all contact professional.

He knows he can get to you. He's playing games. All this bollocks about 'that's what I felt yesterday'.... Fuck off.

Unfortunately if you can't get past this and he is acting within policy at work then there's no alternative but for you to find another job.

I'm glad to see you've taken steps to get counselling. I know from previous chats you're a complicated lady who wears her heart on her sleeve x

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By *indergirlWoman over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Block him, switch your mind off to him at work and only interact if absolutely necessary and only work related. He's messaging when it suits him and his needs. You'll never move on if he knows you'll jump whenever it suits him

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By *indergirlWoman over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

And if at all possible can you move department so there's no chance of interaction at all??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get a nice person can make a work shift more bearable but can you listen music or something instead? I don't know what you do and what rules you have in place and H&S etc but can you listen to podcasts? If you can it's a great way to utilise the time in a good way and listen to podcasts that build you up rather than rely on him who will tear you down. Don't lose wages for any man! Your biggest securities are the roof over your head and your wages to keep it and feed you. After that you don't NEED much else apart from diamond friends. You freely choose who and what else you add to your life. Is adding him building you up? .... If not ditch... Cut it out and cut it off. Keep positive things and get rid of the negatives. It's even more important in the current pandemic to keep the positives.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hes 23 already got you wearing a bra and now hes doing this. Hes playing you like a fiddle"

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

You’re being manipulated.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

BLOCK HIM !!!!

cut all ties, maybe do some work while at work rather than hoping to be hanging about with the fuck boy that hurt you, if he tries to engage with you at work ignore him and go do another task - keep your mind focussed , if you are allowed to wear headphones get some podcasts to keep your head busy , if there is another team or area of the (is it warehouse) you can work in try get a swap, see if your shifts can be swapped to work as often as you can when he is not

you basically have to go cold turkey while being around someone which is the risk you play when you get involved with someone at work, the only way you can do it is by keeping busy and distracted even when he is around

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated. "

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga "

Nevertheless. Read what she says and use your own judgement to come to a decision. That was mine.

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By *he Devils Daughter!Woman over a year ago

some where in yorkshire

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention "

Well.. In fairness nobody is making you read it.

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

Nevertheless. Read what she says and use your own judgement to come to a decision. That was mine. "

Quite often the two overlap.

Manipulation is cohesion to make choices in favour of what somebody else wants you to do. Good or bad choices, we are susceptible to being manipulated on some level.

His very behaviour plays up to Annie's weaknesses from her past and mental state.

The very problem however is that, she is fully aware of everything he is doing, but does not act upon it in her own best interest. That is still not directly due to bad choices alone, or at least does not mean bad choices for certain. But again, his actions are still very manipulative regardless.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention "

'she' needs to do no such thing. You need to keep your judgmental attitude to yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention "

There are plenty of other threads. It’s ok for people to ask for help and support.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

Nevertheless. Read what she says and use your own judgement to come to a decision. That was mine.

Quite often the two overlap.

Manipulation is cohesion to make choices in favour of what somebody else wants you to do. Good or bad choices, we are susceptible to being manipulated on some level.

His very behaviour plays up to Annie's weaknesses from her past and mental state.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga "

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on?

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention "

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

The attention seeking comes from the fact that advice given is clearly being ignored every time a comment is posted containing advice. The solutions are all above, and in the other two prequel threads, but here we are on the third of the trilogy going over it again with nothing but the same advice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on? "

Perfect vision here

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

That's very true. And none of the other threads on here ever get repeated day after day... Vote for my cock... Shag marry avoid... Why can't I get a reply... Who's got the biggest cock / tits... And besides... What else would we do?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on?

Perfect vision here "

I beg to differ. You just like being negative about people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

Nevertheless. Read what she says and use your own judgement to come to a decision. That was mine.

Quite often the two overlap.

Manipulation is cohesion to make choices in favour of what somebody else wants you to do. Good or bad choices, we are susceptible to being manipulated on some level.

His very behaviour plays up to Annie's weaknesses from her past and mental state.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

Is it ignored? I seem to recall many people telling her to get counselling which she is now doing. Seems people just like running her down. Sad really.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on? "

he definitely is but no more than most of us have experienced from a young guy - its what dating at that age is like - full of games , not having the emotional maturity to think of someone else’s feelings and talking BS to get your leg over

its why as we get older we usually try to date people our own age and emotional level rather than stick with the same cycle on repeat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on?

Perfect vision here

I beg to differ. You just like being negative about people. "

It's not me that's continually going back for more of something that's clearly not good for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sounds like a young man with a boner, up for it when it's hard and not interested when it's not. And you OP I feel you have been hurt in the past and you try to cling on.

Just my opinion, I only read the start.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on?

Perfect vision here

I beg to differ. You just like being negative about people.

It's not me that's continually going back for more of something that's clearly not good for me "

It’s clearly not that black and white though. She has detailed the traumas she has been through in her life, which will most certainly affect her reactions, particularly in this case if she has abandonment/rejection wounds.

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on? "
I think some people’s responses are slightly biased due to some people’s past experiences.This is a 23 year old who is guilty of thinking with the wrong head.He’s doing what a lot of 23 year olds would do in that position if they were bored and horny and he’ll keep doing it as long as she lets him.

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

Is it ignored? I seem to recall many people telling her to get counselling which she is now doing. Seems people just like running her down. Sad really. "

If I remember correctly she said her sister pre diagnosed her but couldn't offer treatment due to the closeness of the situation.

Counselling was offered way before the majority of the advice to get it was offered, so she was essentially already planning on doing it anyway.

She was however told multiple times even way back in part 1 to drop the guy and walk away. The single most obvious thing to do. The thing that will help tenfold make her feel empowered by. The thing, regardless of counselling, that she has the power to do herself. The thing that has been echoed by almost every poster since the beginning, and yet here we are in part three, not only is it being ignored but deeper down the rabbit hole we go.

It won't make her stance on such feelings and why she almost craves such behaviours but it will most certainly make this particular problem less of a problem as a whole.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"You’re being manipulated.

How? She's made some pretty epic poor choices throughout the whole saga

You really can't see the manipulations played by him? Playing with her emotions? Making her believe he likes her then acting like she doesn't exist? Are you honestly that blind to what is going on? I think some people’s responses are slightly biased due to some people’s past experiences.This is a 23 year old who is guilty of thinking with the wrong head.He’s doing what a lot of 23 year olds would do in that position if they were bored and horny and he’ll keep doing it as long as she lets him."

And when youre on the outside looking in, and when youve got no emotions invested in it, and when you're thinking clearly and dispassionately etc.. Well it's a lot easier to make decisions. When you're a bit damaged, confused, emotional and close to it... Its a lot harder.

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By *.luke7Man over a year ago

He’s manipulating the situation..

You can’t just work your life around someone else though, you obviously still have feelings for the guy but I don’t think those feelings have been reciprocated. You’re probably best calling it a day before it drags out any further and causes you more pain.

Hopefully you get things sorted

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By *host63Man over a year ago

Bedfont Feltham

"Right I know I’m extremely sensitive to shit and it’s probably frustrating to some but it’s frustrating to me too so comments like ‘just get over it’ or telling me to grow up doesn’t help.

Doesn’t help my current situation though.

I don’t want to not go tonight either cos I’ll lose another £130.

It’s a job where you’re just doing a boring monotonous task for 10 hours with just your own mind and your thoughts.

I don’t know what to do. "

Difficult one

What he is doing is a form.of control for the sake of his own ego. I think at a subconscious level you know this. However I also understand that if yij have feelings for this buy in whatever form they are its going to be very difficult to break free.

The fact that you arw going to counselling is a good first step.

Take what you need from these sessions and find your own way.

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By *nabelle21Woman over a year ago

B38

People can only treat us the way we let them.

You need to take back control!

I know life is boring at the moment and he offered excitement in the short term but it is never going to be more.

Take a deep breath get your arse into work and put yourself first.

Give yourself time these feeling's will pass.

I wouldn't give him any attention. Doesn't matter what he says now.

Control Annie...take back the power

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whatever the rights and wrongs and the differing opinions we all hold, I’m sure everyone wants to see the OP emerge from this in a better place than she is in now.

A lot of us have followed certain patterns of behaviour that might have been unhealthy.

I hope life improves for you OP

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By *entleman JayMan over a year ago

Wakefield

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

Can I have a link to the previous threads please?

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By *reya73Woman over a year ago

Whitley Bay

Sounds to me like you are externalising your happiness and that your mood is dependent on someone other than yourself. Its OK to feel disappointed or let down by situations not going your way.. but try not to let it affect your ability to do what you do and work/bring in your living.

You are making the right moves by getting some support with your issues. Nice one. It's lovely you're willing to share so openly here. It can make others feel able to ask for support too.

But perhaps it's also a good thing to just simplify a bit and do your work.

Notice your feelings and responses and try not to attach to the stories and details. Like getting alongside yourself and just watching.

Are lots of voices and opinions what you need.

I'm aware I've just given you my thoughts.. But do you need do many?

Wishing you find a bit of peace x

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By *iger4uWoman over a year ago

In my happy place

Same old.

You chose to behave this way.

You.

Not him.

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

You seem to have potentially given him all of the power to determine whether the relationship exists, its form and ultimately your wellbeing. You could instead take the decision that that relationship is no longer going to continue and that you are out of it. You don't have to have told him that it's over for you to start to feel the benefits of being free.

The conditional benefits of him in a relationship with you seem much too small a potential reward for such a high price to have to pay. Sure, you lose those conditional benefits from cutting him off but it's akin to an extortion racket, with emotions and personal wellbeing the costs racking up big debts.

You can decide to be out of it now, even if in a month or 2, you decide the cost is worth it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We are coming into this thread a bit blind so please bear that in mind.If you have no self respect then a certain type of man will not show you any. These men like the chase but once they have caught their prey they lose interest.That is until such times that their ball bags are full again or they need to massage their egos.Like r*p* it is not about the sex it is all about power that they hold over their victims. Do not allow yourself to become a victim. You come across in some of your forum posts as a sexy and sassy woman and worth so much more than this poor specimen of a man. Sending a fab hug and hope you can find that inner strength to kick this man into the gutter where he belongs .

Pretty much nailed it

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By *extravagantWoman over a year ago

Hertfordshire

Wear earphones at work, listen to music, radio, audiobook or podcast (if your work allows it and it doesn’t interfere with your concentration). This will distract you from your surroundings and make you less aware of his presence.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You need a different perspective on this. Counselling will help to a degree, but you need to take action yourself.

If you keep making this about ‘you and him’, you’ll keep making the decisions you’ve always made as you’re involving the same players and the same emotions.

You say you’re leaving work early and losing money because of it; it’s not just you depending on that income I assume? Your daughter is too?

So his actions and your reactions to them, as indirect as they may be, will likely affect your daughter in the near future unless something changes. Is he worth any impact on your child to any degree?

This is not a guilt trip thing; it’s changing the angle you view the issue from.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention "

Nice

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Try to take control...it's over ...he was a good fuck ... great ... just do the job ..find another fuck bud and get control of your life back

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

Do a Lorena Bobbitt it's the only answer

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By *llez WorldWoman over a year ago

SE London

I've not read a lot into this but please have a look at lalalaletmeexplain on Instagram. She would tell you to BLOCK, DELETE AND MOVE ON. I know its not so easy when you have to work with him but you can't let him get to you when you're out of work too.

You've got this x

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By *eoeclipseWoman over a year ago

glasgow

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

Annie, please keep going to the psych & get help for what ever it is you need, ask them to assess you for disorders (most have cross over traits), especially if there are patterns of events or frequent occurances. I've got combined adhd, so no shame...knew i was different but had no idea why & was excluded alot as a kid..the effects rained on into adulthood, was only diagnosed 2017 but explains SO much.

It will help you in the long run. Try some of the suggestions before re work shifts, teams etc so you can cut him off & focus on you.

That what you need just now is to figure out you for your own future.

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By *oxychicWoman over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

Can I have a link to the previous threads please? "
green arrow

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By *oxychicWoman over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

U need to draw aline in it and move on , i think u need to stop mixing bussiness with pleasure to , as if anything happens you cant function ,which then is having a impact on your money and your homelife , and your job

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

office affairs follow a recognised pattern. whats coming through now is that its been running for a lot longer than was first presented.

so this is the actions and plaintive cry of the scorned woman. at about the early to middle stages of its process. advice wont go in.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Annie, I have seen you post similar things many times over the years and be given similar answers. All of which you ignore. This time you're asking for different answers but there aren't any. Telling someone what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear isn't helpful. There's no combination of questions, answers or actions on our part that can make this guy change his behaviour and morph into a good partner for you.

One thing you've taken on board is to try counselling, which is good.

I wish you well

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I was watching a T.V. prog last night ....

One woman said to the other .....

YOU are an adult now. You don't get to blame other people for your behaviour.

Take control. Stop hurting yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You cannot control others behaviour, only your own. You can choose how you react, or don't though.

Make a choice to take control.

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By *ost SockMan over a year ago

West Wales and Cardiff

It’s sad reading these threads, Annie. I’m not going to criticise, because I know what it’s like to be so wrapped up in the emotions of human relationships, or life problems, that you can’t see the wood for the trees.

You have to break the cycle somehow though. It’s clear this is doomed and doing you harm.

I’m probably in a small minority in that I’ve actually met you in person. It was a brief, non-Fab, situation (involving tickets to a sports event), and you came across as a lovely human in the run-up, and that day. Daft as a brush, but lovely

It’s time to go find that person again

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"Annie, I have seen you post similar things many times over the years and be given similar answers. All of which you ignore. This time you're asking for different answers but there aren't any. Telling someone what they want to hear rather than what they need to hear isn't helpful. There's no combination of questions, answers or actions on our part that can make this guy change his behaviour and morph into a good partner for you.

One thing you've taken on board is to try counselling, which is good.

I wish you well

Absolutely agree, been going on far too long to be healthy for anyone..

There's only one person who can make the changes required to stop the decisions being repeated, and will say again as I think I did at least five years ago that this place whilst supportive is probably worth stepping back from for a time..

Best wishes..

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still... "

Yeah plenty, I have also learned from them to best avoid the same again. Taken advice when multiple people are telling me the exact same thing, instead of ignoring the advice, repeating the mistake but expecting a different outcome.

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

Not only is it part three, but it has the same theme as most of Annie's previous "what should I do about him" threads. Each one of those has also generally run the same, the same "get rid of him" advice gets given there too. Plenty of people will have noticed this, not for the lack of wanting to help but there is only so much understanding you can provide in support before it is clear that advice is clearly not what the person wants as it goes against their actual goal - that goal may very well be due to the issues she has stated, but none the less advice is clearly not what is being searched for.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

You sound like a super fan. What harm I'd she doing posting similar threads. If you don't like them don't engage with them.

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

How did it go last night OP?

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Travelling

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

You sound like a super fan. What harm I'd she doing posting similar threads. If you don't like them don't engage with them. "

Nah, just observant. Also I like discussion. Didn't say I didn't like the threads. I'm just not scared to be balanced and straight about a situation or topic. Often at times devils advocate.

None of this "be nice" bullshit that gets thrown around just as much as those that throw around the hate, to the point that it loses sincerity.

At no point have I been disrespectful or unfair, I have analysed a situation and put forth what I have concluded from it. Just because its not full of positivity and false pats on the back does not make it a hurtful response. Honesty can be blunt and impactful, it does not make it unjust or require malice. Just because its honest does not make it a vindictive personal attack.

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By *oxyvixen99Woman over a year ago

Newtownabbey

Sometimes the best thing to do for yourself is also the hardest. It is no means easy especially if you have to see him at work. Be kind to yourself and learn your own worth, if you had children going through this you would only want the very best for them

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By * and R cple4Couple over a year ago

swansea

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

You sound like a super fan. What harm I'd she doing posting similar threads. If you don't like them don't engage with them.

Nah, just observant. Also I like discussion. Didn't say I didn't like the threads. I'm just not scared to be balanced and straight about a situation or topic. Often at times devils advocate.

None of this "be nice" bullshit that gets thrown around just as much as those that throw around the hate, to the point that it loses sincerity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Doesn’t help my current situation though.

I don’t want to not go tonight either cos I’ll lose another £130.

It’s a job where you’re just doing a boring monotonous task for 10 hours with just your own mind and your thoughts.

I don’t know what to do. "

Sounds like you are doing the right things and seeking guidance professionally, there are some decent audio books on trying to understand emotions and managing them, I found the audio book ‘The Chimp Paradox’ very interesting talking about the struggle of the animalistic part of the brain which fights with the civilised side of the brain. Maybe try figure out additional support to help learn how to understand and manage emotions, but ultimately if you take emotion out of this situation and look at this logically I think you would be able to look at it and think you are worth so much more. I mean imagine having someone like you getting so upset over wanting you. I’d be buzzing

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

But can you even imagine how frustrating it is to know that your actions are making the situation worse and you already know what you should do but you can’t stop yourself from acting in a certain way. It’s like two people inside one body you have one telling you not to do a certain thing and then another one saying do it. Then you torture yourself afterwards for acting in a certain way and the cycle just continues.

Your opinions are based off what you would do in a situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

Your opinions are based off what you would do in a situation. "

You need read/listen to the chimp paradox lol, as weird as it sounds your natural instincts your ‘chimp’ brain, your emotional brain, is over powering your ‘human’ brain, the logic and civilised brain. Need learn to manage your chimp haha... yes I realise how it sounds.

If what you are saying is true about seeking help over certain issues you mentioned, probably shouldn’t be involved with people especially those who are not willing to ‘replace’ that what you are wanting, subconsciously you may be wanting this person to fill a void or role that he ain’t willing to fill.

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By *J35mcrMan over a year ago

Leigh

Fuck him off seriously nobody, no one no matter how long you've known them or how friendly they may be NO ONE is worth compromising your mental health for, you deserve better than that!

Blank him let him see that you just couldn't give a fuck about his games

Good luck with the counseling xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I was already messed up before him and had been for a long time. I think the best thing is to have my counselling sessions, tell her everything and see what she advises rather than trying to diagnose myself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I was already messed up before him and had been for a long time. I think the best thing is to have my counselling sessions, tell her everything and see what she advises rather than trying to diagnose myself. "

I’m not sure a counsellor will tell you that you shouldn’t be with someone until you are stable and content with yourself, they might but I don’t know if they will... but that’s what I believe lol. Can’t love someone else or expect someone else too, when you don’t love yourself. Wish you all the best sorting it all out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your too good for it and so much great advice in this post for you. I will quote yourself here from your profile and your incredibly fuckable, you know it and I’d certainly love to so there’s many better men out there for you!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you really think a diagnosis is going to affect the kind of action you should take if you find yourself in a similar situation in the future?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think the best thing is to have my counselling sessions, tell her everything and see what she advises rather than trying to diagnose myself. "

A counsellor won’t tell you what to do. They will work with you for you to find the right answers for you and your experiences. Good luck with everything.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think possibly you might be approaching the counselling in the wrong way - a counsellor is not a doctor, you wont get a diagnosis, and even if you have something to be diagnosed , its not like having a uti they throw some antibiotics at and a week later you feel better, therapy is alot of inward looking personal hard work that no pill will fix and nobody else can do for you ,

they also wont tell you how to live your life - they just nudge you to work out the best course for yourself and give you methods to cope with setbacks

if you are positive about making change going forward dont wait for you first session, you can start making the change you think you need now, personally i would start by stopping the negative language about yourself (like i am messed up) and i would set some boundaries for this guy from work

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ah good luck with it all Annie, hope you find it helps your thought processes. X

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Masters Degree in Consultative supervision. University of South Wales. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Consultative Supervision. University of Wales Newport. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling (integrative). University of Wales Newport. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Substance Misuse University of Wales Pontypridd.

Bsc (Hons) Psychology 2:1 University of Wales Pontypridd

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Skills-Bridgend College

Advanced Couples Counselling- Interaction Training

SMART UK Auricular Acupuncture Training

Dissociative identity disorder training

Battle of the abused brain

Mental Health treating trauma and the body

Babette Rothschild Somatic Trauma Therapy

Working with relational trauma dealing with disorganised attachments

working Ethically with Children and Young People- University of Wales Neport

Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST)

Advanced skills in sandtray Counselling

Using sandtray in supervision

Coaching training

NLP-therapy- NLP Vision

Domestic Abuse

Dual Diagnosis Training

Motivational Interviewing training

Professor Kelly Wilson's ACT therapy

Blood Bourne Viruses and HIV Training

Pre and post counselling of Blood Bourne Viruses

Steroid and Image Enhancing Drugs

Protection on of Vulnerable Adults

Safeguarding Children

Learning lessons from serious case reviews

As a Counsellor, I also undertake continuous professional development (CPD) to expand my skills and knowledge.

That was on her blurb. I told her very briefly about my childhood, told her about my exceptional memory where I can remember every day of my life from the age of about 9, told her briefly about the 3 year court battle I had with my ex and his family. She said she will be giving me work to do and won’t just be listening to me. Maybe she’s not just a counsellor?

She was recommended by my sister and she’s a psychotherapist and behavioural analyst and she can write prescriptions.

This woman I’ll be seeing is also the manager of the substance misuse team so she’s got a medical background.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tmi !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

she can have all the qualifications in the world annie but it will still be you that needs to do the hard work , she cant and wont live your life for you and if it was as easy as chucking a prescription at someone we wouldn’t have anyone struggling with mental health or unresolved trauma

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Masters Degree in Consultative supervision. University of South Wales. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Consultative Supervision. University of Wales Newport. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Therapeutic Counselling (integrative). University of Wales Newport. Level 7

Post Graduates Diploma in Substance Misuse University of Wales Pontypridd.

Bsc (Hons) Psychology 2:1 University of Wales Pontypridd

Advanced Certificate in Counselling Skills-Bridgend College

Advanced Couples Counselling- Interaction Training

SMART UK Auricular Acupuncture Training

Dissociative identity disorder training

Battle of the abused brain

Mental Health treating trauma and the body

Babette Rothschild Somatic Trauma Therapy

Working with relational trauma dealing with disorganised attachments

working Ethically with Children and Young People- University of Wales Neport

Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training (ASIST)

Advanced skills in sandtray Counselling

Using sandtray in supervision

Coaching training

NLP-therapy- NLP Vision

Domestic Abuse

Dual Diagnosis Training

Motivational Interviewing training

Professor Kelly Wilson's ACT therapy

Blood Bourne Viruses and HIV Training

Pre and post counselling of Blood Bourne Viruses

Steroid and Image Enhancing Drugs

Protection on of Vulnerable Adults

Safeguarding Children

Learning lessons from serious case reviews

As a Counsellor, I also undertake continuous professional development (CPD) to expand my skills and knowledge.

She was recommended by my sister and she’s a psychotherapist and behavioural analyst and she can write prescriptions.

This woman I’ll be seeing is also the manager of the substance misuse team so she’s got a medical background. "

Substance misuse isn't a medical background ... it's part of counseling

Good luck on your journey, just remember it's you that has to do the hardwork and you'll get out of it as much as you're prepared to put in!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is your sister a psychiatrist? I thought only they could prescibe

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is your sister a psychiatrist? I thought only they could prescibe "

True ^^^

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Simply have to move on avoid don't let the emotions keep holding you back be strong will soon be like what was all that about its forgotten in the past

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

also just because your sister recommended her and her list of qualifications don’t feel like you have to stick with her but also don’t be put off the process if you find you aren’t getting anywhere

it can often take a few tries to find the right therapist for you that works with the right techniques and who is right for me may not be right for you and so on - its quite an individual thing

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By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

Take a break from men. Concerntrate on learning how to love yourself then bounce back stronger.

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Take a break from men. Concerntrate on learning how to love yourself then bounce back stronger."

Agree well said

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Feel like I’m defending my decision to seek counselling now. Can people just stop with the negativity about how counselling won’t be like a magic wand. It’s the thing that’s giving me hope at the moment so can we try not to take that away from me please.

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By *aughty_Smooth_OperatorMan over a year ago

Birmingham

Call it counseling or just talking to someone to take things of your chest like the devil him self did in Lucifer it does help so go for it girl

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By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

"Feel like I’m defending my decision to seek counselling now. Can people just stop with the negativity about how counselling won’t be like a magic wand. It’s the thing that’s giving me hope at the moment so can we try not to take that away from me please. "

Counselling is a good step in the right direction but it is up to you to listen and learn you are worth much more than you think. This will make you stronger and enable you to move on.xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don’t think anyone is saying don’t seek help, but I think it’s obvious that it won’t work if you don’t stop doing things that trigger you, and this guy seems to be a trigger that you know is destructive.

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things. "

As long as you are willing to do the work I’m sure you will get something from it, certainly can’t hurt trying can it

Think you need to give yourself more credit and respect tho, you always have a choice in life. Just about managing your expectations and emotions.

Can’t control what emotions we have, but we can manage what we do when they present themselves. Think counselling will help both find triggers and reasons, and hopefully help teach you tools to manage emotions better, but you are always going to be responsible for your actions.. so accepting you will be upset annoyed angry etc is important, but how you act on them and manage them is on you, and in time you may get better at managing it, but again if something is upsetting and annoying you logically it doesn’t make sense to keep doing it. Give yourself more worth. You’re a stunner

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By *dam1971Man over a year ago

Bedford

It was the Roman philosopher Epictetus who said that we actually control very little.

We don’t control what happens to us, we can’t control what the people around us say or do, and we can’t even fully control our own bodies, which get damaged and sick and ultimately die without regard for our preferences.

The only thing that we really control is how we think about things, the judgements we make about things.

This leads us to the second foundational principle from Epictetus: it’s not things that upset us, but how we think about things.

Stuff happens. We then make judgements about what happens. If we judge that something really bad has happened, then we might get upset, sad, or angry, depending on what it is. If we judge that something bad is likely to happen then we might get scared or fearful. All these emotions are the product of the judgements we make.

Things in themselves are value neutral, for what might seem terrible to us might be a matter of indifference to someone else, or even welcomed by others. It’s the judgements we make that introduce value into the picture, and it’s those value judgements that generate our emotional responses.

Realising this through counselling can absolutely help you

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By *essie.Woman over a year ago

Serendipity

I’ve not read the whole thread, but from what I did read, it sounds like you’re letting this guy control the interactions between you. Why not just concentrate on your work and just be polite to him but nothing more. That way, you’re regaining control. He expects you to come running when he feels like it, and sends mixed signals. He’s just not as into you as you’re into him.

Counselling will help I’m sure, as often we don’t know what’s bothering us until we talk it out with someone who’s not closely involved in our everyday lives.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things. "

Annie the best councilor is yourself. And i am Speaking from experience. Yoy know the guy this guy is your achillies heel so you have two options. Move jobs or kick the twat to the curb and out of your mind. We all want what we can't have on times,You are your best own therapist here. You don't need a professional to tell you what to do as deep down you really do know what needs to be done. So cut this baggage loose and get on with your own life. Others on here have suffered far worse than you and have moved on and are here to tell the tale. My ex fucked 30+ guys behind my back, And we were not swingers or in to meeting others at all. She just loved guys chasing her, She admitted it was not so much the sex but them chasing her and desiring her she was addicted to.but if i can survive that and moved on so can you. John.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

Disagree, I believe therapists are very helpful in helping others educate themselves and improve how they manage situations, for the record it’s been proven that childhood trauma at a young age will haunt people all their lives and need that help in finding the issue and learning coping strategies, just forgetting and moving on isn’t really an option, so you as an adult going through issues can be extremely difficult but can be altered, where child trauma won’t ever leave.

Also worth pointing out that everyone’s life and upbringing, education among many other things will influence how they cope, so simply saying cope on your own when clearly it hasn’t worked isn’t very smart. As it hasn’t been effective in the past. Give her some credit that she has figured that out and has chosen to get help and change the cycle.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Annie good luck with the counselling, i saw a counsellor a few years back, for different but very long standing, complex issues, she was fantastic, helped 100%

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

Her feelings are valid, and her experience is not better or worse than yours, because it is her experience.

You cannot say to someone ‘others have had it worse’.

Yes, you can do a lot of work on your own, but there is work that you have to do with help and support, and there is nothing wrong with that, it takes courage to admit you need help and to go and get it.

Annie, booking counselling is a huge step, we all need help and support at times.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

Her feelings are valid, and her experience is not better or worse than yours, because it is her experience.

You cannot say to someone ‘others have had it worse’.

Annie, booking counselling is a huge step, we all need help and support at times."

Touché

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

It's all so simple when it's not you, huh. We can't even contemplate other people dealing with things differently to is. Ours is the only way situations can get resolved

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/02/21 08:06:09]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"councelling" or advice from people wanting to charm their way into your knickers might end up making things worse? Hope you work things out.

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By *esparate danMan over a year ago

glasgow

Think of the progress you've made already Annie. When you introduced this episode it was all about him. Now that you're reflecting on your input that's a much better starting point for counselling

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I posted this on your last thread and ill say it again....people on here will use your mental state as an opening to message you and say what you want to hear...ill be the covid police on here so tell this guy he can't come to yours because you are not allowed.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

It's all so simple when it's not you, huh. We can't even contemplate other people dealing with things differently to is. Ours is the only way situations can get resolved

I been have been there myself with the not letting go even after she abused my trust by shagging over 30 men. So i do really understand her not letting go or moving on. Stop being pessimistic in your reply. No matter what guidence or help any person or counsellor gives you it is still you that can only do the internal healing. Here on fab is not the best place to ask advice anyway as some will use it as a way to use her. I hope annie you find the internal strength to move forward and cast that using shit aside.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Think you best just leave the advice and psychological advice to your friends family and professionals and probably avoid using this. Good luck

I think it’s established already that I have trouble doing what is best for myself. The reason I tolerate so much is because of my issues, whatever they may be.

I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things.

It's all so simple when it's not you, huh. We can't even contemplate other people dealing with things differently to is. Ours is the only way situations can get resolved

I thought she made a good point, and didn’t see pessimism.

It’s easy to look at a situation from the outside and say “oh I’d just do x,y and z”, but the fact is, we can do a lot of work on our own, and there is some work that we can’t do on our own, and we need support with.

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By *indergirlWoman over a year ago

somewhere, someplace

Glad you've sought the counselling privately and be seen quicker, it's the first big step to giving you the tools to help yourself understand why you do what you do and to manage those situations when they arise and move forward on a positive light, I wish you all the best, you deserve to be happy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Sorry but how is that right or fair?

Why should the guy be accused of harassment at work for doing something that was welcomed up until now?

He could lose his job.

This has been a two way thing.

I haven’t told him not to approach me. It’s the non approaching me that’s upsetting.

Can’t really say to a manager hey this guy won’t sleep with me anymore.

Wish I never gave him my number in the first place.

Don’t know why guys do it, chase after you and when you like them back they cut it off. It’s like what did you want to happen in the first place.

I said this to him as well and he just said he wanted my number cos he likes me. Fucking so angry with myself.

Painful to read that you’re angry with yourself...you’re punishing yourself for having feelings for someone...where’s your anger with him? You deserve better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m hoping that counselling/therapy or whatever it is I’m doing will help me have boundaries and be able to walk away from things."

Annie, your success with counselling could be compared to your success at the gym. Simply attending the counselling session / gym isn't enough. You've got to put in the work while you're there, and as you look gym-fit, you'll recognise that the work required can be painful and exhausting. But what do you want to achieve? If you want to be as ripped mentally as you are physically, then you'll know that serious effort is required. Being very positive here for a moment, accepting / recognising you need assistance is a huge step, and then actually getting that help is an even bigger step. Some would say those two alone are the hardest parts of the process.

A counsellor won't tell you what to do, or how to do it. They will guide you through your past experiences, and work with you to find strategies to move forward positively with your life. If you fully engage with the process, and are honest and open with yourself and your counsellor, and are willing to be challenged on your own thoughts and actions, then progress will come.

There are two things in counselling that stand out for me. One is "reframe the experience" which is about looking at things from a different perspective. The other is that we cannot always control what happens to us, but we can control how we react to what happens to us.

Good luck on your road to recovery.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple over a year ago

Maidstone

Obviously we don’t know him but my take on it is.. He’s young, single and horny and wants to stay that way, he’ll use excuses to treat you poorly so you feel sorry for him and forgive him - manipulation at it’s finest.

He got his MILF and enjoys the causal sex side but you want something a bit more committed but he doesn’t fancy the idea of settling down and playing hubby and step-dad. If he did, he’d probably be back in Italy with his own children.

He’s loving his freedom, he gets to shag who he wants, when he wants but can sit around playing video games and getting stoned with his flatmates when he wants to, mentally he is still a horny teenager. The MILF getting attached wasn’t part of his game plan.

Best of luck with it all.

Lou x

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"Obviously we don’t know him but my take on it is.. He’s young, single and horny and wants to stay that way, he’ll use excuses to treat you poorly so you feel sorry for him and forgive him - manipulation at it’s finest.

Best of luck with it all.

Lou x "

Probably spot on. For him. Although he's not here to defend or characterise himself. Its the op who is having difficulties. How would you rewrite that from the ops perspective?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I posted this on your last thread and ill say it again....people on here will use your mental state as an opening to message you and say what you want to hear...ill be the covid police on here so tell this guy he can't come to yours because you are not allowed....."

Can use what they want. I don’t meet people from here. Not even the slightest bit interested in meeting any guys from this site.

Okay so a guy that’s ignoring me and refusing to even talk to me, your advice is to tell him he can’t come to my house? Ok, he’d just be like, umm I don’t wanna come to your house anyway you fucking moron.

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By *uzz And WoodyCouple over a year ago

Maidstone

Best of luck with it all.

Lou x

Probably spot on. For him. Although he's not here to defend or characterise himself. Its the op who is having difficulties. How would you rewrite that from the ops perspective? "

Again, only my take on it but I think the counselling for attachment issues could be valuable here.

I feel for her, after reading her recent posts a he’s had a tough time of it for a long time and wants to love and be loved, this can often be a bit too full on for someone who has only recently met her and they back off, leaving her feeling rejected and upset. The average 23 yr old would jump at the chance of sex with an older, attractive woman but they’re unlikely to want anything serious with her. If she could take it slow, date, get to know people and allow them to know her before getting physical I think she might find someone who truly likes her for her and understands what she hopes to get from the relationship. If she were my friend, I would tell her to block his number and encourage her to find another job.

I agree with a previous poster that by being so public about her insecurities she is making herself vulnerable on here. Some less-desirable people will use her posts to tell her what she wants to hear for their own benefit.

Lou x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"How did it go last night OP? "

Monday night was fine. I almost didn’t go in but thought I’d be more stressed/pissed off being short on pay next week. I bought some EarPods from b&m like people suggested, could only wear one and hide to hide it behind my hair. The first 3.5 hours of the shift I listened to self love I am affirmations. The rest of the shift I was listening to techno sets. My lead manager came over to me and asked how I was smashing my targets every hour

It was the music!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't know you but I've read a few of your posts about this & from an outsider point of view it is a toxic situation. He clearly gets off on controlling you & you are allowing it to happen.

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment. "

Agree absolutely. Distance yourself from him. He's not the person in your mind's eye.

Don't respond to him,

Blank him back at work and if he fucks about then go through harassment procedures but by the book so he can't accuse you of beingg vindictive.

You could change your phone number but that would prevent you collecting evidence. Install a call recorder if you need to.

Hope you get sorted with it. I suffered bullies at work in the past and some right scum of the earth too.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How did it go last night OP?

It was the music!"

That’s a good result! Well done for going in , have a listen to some of Russell Brands podcasts I know he’s not for everyone but does talk some sense x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How did it go last night OP?

It was the music!"

excellent! honestly in the short term til you get somewhere with the counselling distraction will be a great technique - and hey maybe when your manager works out it helps people focus you will be able to stop hiding the earphone

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By *xfordshireCoupleMFCouple over a year ago

Nr. Oxford

I’ve seen this before and it’s called breadcrumbing

Breadcrumbing" is the act of sending out flirtatious, but non-committal social signals (i.e. "breadcrumbs") in order to lure a romantic partner in without expending much effort. In other words, it's leading someone on.

He knows he can get away with it and knows that if he shows you a little attention then you will hang on to his every word.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How did it go last night OP?

It was the music!

Get in there!

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By *wisted999Man over a year ago

North Bucks

"How did it go last night OP?

It was the music!"

Nice coping strategy. Will get better in time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I mean this in no way disrespectful. But we all got our issues, especially in the world today. Just looking inside your heart and do what it says. always the heart, then the mind.

The heart gives the destination the mind gets the logistics done

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By *ntrigued32Couple over a year ago

Nottingham

I just wanted to say I'm really pleased to read that you're seeking professional help. That is most often the hardes step. Surround yourself with positive people and keep reminding yourself that are worth loving...

Jo.Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How did it go last night OP?

It was the music!"

Attagirl. What techno?

Well done on getting counselling - good for you!

Time to put the big girl pants on, focus on your self, your job and on June 21st!

your future self will thank you for it!

I don’t need to hear his side of events; the situation is toxic to you irrespective of whether we are getting only your side and you do not need that toxicity in your life! Go shine!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't know you but I've read a few of your posts about this & from an outsider point of view it is a toxic situation. He clearly gets off on controlling you & you are allowing it to happen.

Take back the control, block him on everything & tell him not to approach/talk to you (in & out of work). If he persists in approaching you at work threaten to speak to management about harassment.

Agree absolutely. Distance yourself from him. He's not the person in your mind's eye.

Don't respond to him,

Blank him back at work and if he fucks about then go through harassment procedures but by the book so he can't accuse you of beingg vindictive.

You could change your phone number but that would prevent you collecting evidence. Install a call recorder if you need to.

Hope you get sorted with it. I suffered bullies at work in the past and some right scum of the earth too.

How is this guy a bully? He is not stalking her or bothering her at work. He is keeping his distance.

Let’s keep a little perspective on this and not condemn someone we don’t even know.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"This is beginning to sound like a broken record

This , too much drama ... she needs to keep her personal life n probs off fab it’s not helping but some people like the drama n attention

It is asking for help, along with a big bag of attention seeking thrown in.

And your such a perfect human being that you never make mistakes or have head/heart clashes, eh?

Heard of community? Know its lacking just now, but still...

The very fact we are on part three of this ongoing situation.

You sound like a super fan. What harm I'd she doing posting similar threads. If you don't like them don't engage with them.

Nah, just observant. Also I like discussion. Didn't say I didn't like the threads. I'm just not scared to be balanced and straight about a situation or topic. Often at times devils advocate.

None of this "be nice" bullshit that gets thrown around just as much as those that throw around the hate, to the point that it loses sincerity.

Well said. I have found that people don't want sound advice and they certainly don't want honest advice and they sure as hell don't want your advice they want the advice they want and they won't rest until you all give the advice that they want.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

And that's not a personal attack on anyone here or not here either.

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