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What turns you on?.
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I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 18yrs.
During that time sex was never talked about..we just did it.
He was quite a jealous, possessive guy and I didn't feel I could be open with him.
After that relationship ended I felt it difficult to say what turned me on when asked.
It took me a long time to be expressive about my needs...what I enjoy.
I was wondering how easy or difficult people feel about articulating what turns them on?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't mind talking openly about my turn ons with someone, its part of the whole fantasy thing I think and a turn on in itself. No point in keeping it to yourself wondering if she may or may not like it too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 18yrs.
During that time sex was never talked about..we just did it.
He was quite a jealous, possessive guy and I didn't feel I could be open with him.
After that relationship ended I felt it difficult to say what turned me on when asked.
It took me a long time to be expressive about my needs...what I enjoy.
I was wondering how easy or difficult people feel about articulating what turns them on?
"
We are certainly shaped by our life experiences and this extends to the bedroom also.
I've always been able to express myself in this regard, but that's down to the person I'm with and feel comfortable to open up to.
I'm happy you can express yourself more now x |
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"I don't mind talking openly about my turn ons with someone, its part of the whole fantasy thing I think and a turn on in itself. No point in keeping it to yourself wondering if she may or may not like it too.
"
what is it? |
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I usually share what I like/dislike with new partners. It sometimes comes across as bossy or demanding. It is a difficult balance to find... in some occasions men have been intimidated by this attitude and struggled to sustain an erection. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think it varies from person to person, some people it's easy to talk to and be open about your likes/dislikes, others it feels awkward.
So the key is finding someone who you can be open and honest with and not feel ashamed, awkward etc about expressing what you like, and equally be prepared to listen to them and their likes/dislikes etc - likewise finding someone who is comfortable guiding you during sex and being adult enough not to take offence when they do.
On here of course it is easier to an extent as the ice has already been broken in that respect and I can quite freely talk about likes/dislikes etc. |
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We're very open, but it's a relationship later on in life that we've both entered with strict ideas of openness and discussion. It's the reason we share as we like to discuss our turn ons and offs.
Main thing is, communication. Lose that and it potentially harbours issues |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'm quite good at expressing the erm, common things I'm interested in. Online anyway. When I find someone attractive and I'm with them one on one sometimes I feel a bit awkward saying I'd like x, y and z.
My pleasure stems from the other person being turned on, finding out what works for them. That's easier and far more interesting than what I like.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't mind talking openly about my turn ons with someone, its part of the whole fantasy thing I think and a turn on in itself. No point in keeping it to yourself wondering if she may or may not like it too.
what is it? "
Thats talking openly with the right girl and not in a forum lol.
Its just something that comes in conversation at the right time don't you think?
Honest thing in the world to both be exchanging ideas and fantasy chat and a huge turn on to both reveal your darkest thoughts with someone you trust and who trusts you... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 18yrs.
During that time sex was never talked about..we just did it.
He was quite a jealous, possessive guy and I didn't feel I could be open with him.
After that relationship ended I felt it difficult to say what turned me on when asked.
It took me a long time to be expressive about my needs...what I enjoy.
I was wondering how easy or difficult people feel about articulating what turns them on?
"
Legs 
I know what you mean I have opened up and been rejected when I was younger but now I don't give a crap will meet people of a similar ilk I'm like an open book x  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I usually share what I like/dislike with new partners. It sometimes comes across as bossy or demanding. It is a difficult balance to find... in some occasions men have been intimidated by this attitude and struggled to sustain an erection."
It is a balance but if done sensitively and with a receptive partner it can be very fulfilling for all concerned.
I'm not sure it's intimidating but can see how some men would take it as criticism of their technique, rather than acknowledging that everyone is different and has different buttons they need pushing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have to be very comfortable with a person to say honestly what turns me on. I can talk general things that I like, but the things that I really like and want I have to trust them completely x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So the key is finding someone who you can be open and honest with and not feel ashamed, awkward etc about expressing what you like, and equally be prepared to listen to them and their likes/dislikes etc."
This is an important point and what it basically boils down to.
Communication with a good partner that works both ways  |
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By *odgerMan
over a year ago
Coventry(ish)London |
"I usually share what I like/dislike with new partners. It sometimes comes across as bossy or demanding. It is a difficult balance to find... in some occasions men have been intimidated by this attitude and struggled to sustain an erection."
I love good comms...very important..plus it always helps with rhe build up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Same as you I guess, in earlier relationships it was never really discussed. But as I've gotten older I've realised it needs to be discussed. Some of my turn ons are pretty kinky and dark though, I'd need to know someone very well to discuss them all! |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
My pleasure stems from the other person being turned on, finding out what works for them."
Meli has hit the nail on the head for me here.
I get turned on more than anything by knowing I'm turning on the person I'm with, or talking to. Gets me every time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
My pleasure stems from the other person being turned on, finding out what works for them.
Meli has hit the nail on the head for me here.
I get turned on more than anything by knowing I'm turning on the person I'm with, or talking to. Gets me every time."
That’s the same for me that’s what turns me on |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"
My pleasure stems from the other person being turned on, finding out what works for them.
Meli has hit the nail on the head for me here.
I get turned on more than anything by knowing I'm turning on the person I'm with, or talking to. Gets me every time."
Me too! And other things as well, but hearing and seeing what you're doing to the other person is just  |
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"I was with the guy I lost my virginity to for 18yrs.
During that time sex was never talked about..we just did it.
He was quite a jealous, possessive guy and I didn't feel I could be open with him.
After that relationship ended I felt it difficult to say what turned me on when asked.
It took me a long time to be expressive about my needs...what I enjoy.
I was wondering how easy or difficult people feel about articulating what turns them on?
"
your bottom  |
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"I don't mind talking openly about my turn ons with someone, its part of the whole fantasy thing I think and a turn on in itself. No point in keeping it to yourself wondering if she may or may not like it too.
what is it?
Thats talking openly with the right girl and not in a forum lol.
Its just something that comes in conversation at the right time don't you think?
Honest thing in the world to both be exchanging ideas and fantasy chat and a huge turn on to both reveal your darkest thoughts with someone you trust and who trusts you..."
I was being nosey. It sometimes comes up in the agreed boundaries chat before but I’m not upset if she says ‘up a bit, not there, there’ type of stuff in the midst of a session. Makes it easier in fact and better all round. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I enjoy telling a new partner what turns me on and seing there reaction is allways a plus ,
On the down side rejection is a real turn off finding out were not on the same wavelength. Might even say some people might think me odd.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It all comes down to trust and that important time and place.
Of course like some I'm more interested in her needs and wants and that serves as the biggest turn on for me, but there's something very special when you look in someone's eyes as you both slowly peel back the layers of facade and get to what they really like. Its only equaled by making good on those fantasies.
At least that's what I think, we're all different |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think there's also a thing to be said (and I'm not sure if it's a generational thing) about it being easier to be more open and honest about what does it for you the older you get - know when I was younger things that are considered "normal" now were considered "kinky" back then.
As an example when I was growing up the idea of shaving your pubic hair was considered kinky and yet I found it a huge turn on, but because it wasn't as common as it is now, found it very difficult to bring the idea up with partners, and when I did on more than one occasion was made to feel odd for suggesting it. Yet now, having hair is almost considered the "kink" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Was very shy as a younger person, now I’m quite the opposite, just changed gradually I guess.
Wouldn’t think twice about discussing my tastes or asking a partner about theirs in non pushy way, In fact the verbal communication itself can be a turn on, as can someone slowly revealing their tastes and surprising you. |
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