FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Ignorant

Ignorant

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

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By *odgerMan over a year ago

Coventry(ish)London

Perhaps they just don't like the ridiculous trousers.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x"

The very fact the message is ignored = ignorant. I appreciate the volume of messages sent so I can kind of understand it but from a guy’s perspective I’d never just delete a message sent in good faith. It takes a couple of seconds to the ‘no thanks’

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP just take it as a sign there not interested but don’t be disheartened about it & just move on

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"

Personally I think it’s more ignorant to not know the basic site rule of no reply means no thank you but then that’s just me.

Delete or block just means no thank you which is really a rather simple thing to understand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"

Firstly, why is that ignorant? Do you answer every piece of junk mail that lands on your doormat? Reply to every pizza leaflet to say 'no thank you?', ring every double glazing company to say 'thank you for asking but I dont require new doors or windows'

Secondly, why would you send another message if the first one is deleted? That is one of the reasons we delete messages, because the sender isnt getting the message.

Thirdly, have a look at the Fab rules. They will tell you that not replying is not rude, it is an equivalent of a no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Personally I think it’s more ignorant to not know the basic site rule of no reply means no thank you but then that’s just me.

Delete or block just means no thank you which is really a rather simple thing to understand.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Problem is, if I reply no thanks I often get abuse or questions back. It also means that person can message again in future even if I put on filters. So unless I'm interested, I rarely reply. Unfortunately it's a case of the few spoiling it for the many. Also the sheer quantity of messages some days means there's just not time to respond. However, i am more likely to check out the profile of a well written message.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do you think we owe you a reply?

The issue is that sometimes you respond politely and end up in an exchange you don't want. It just wastes everyone's time. Or worse you get given abuse because some men forget we are allowed preferences...

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By *oldswarriorMan over a year ago

Falkirk

Site clearly states,

no answer = not interested.

Ignorance is you feel that you are intitled to a reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Secondly, why would you send another message if the first one is deleted? That is one of the reasons we delete messages, because the sender isnt getting the message.

Thirdly, have a look at the Fab rules. They will tell you that not replying is not rude, it is an equivalent of a no thanks."

1. A message on a social media site or forum is rarely junk mail. It’s from one person to another in good faith.

2. Already explained I thought it may have been deleted by accident which people have replied and said before now

3. It isn’t always a sign of no thanks, as per 2.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

I think this might be the problem - your expectations are not being met. Site rules state no reply = not interested. It's not ignorant to not engage with people who don't spark your interest. I understand it's frustrating for you but your time may be better spent focusing on those who do reply, rather than those who don't.

There's also a messaging loophole that means if you have replied to someone, they can always get through your filters to message you again, even if you change them. So for some, it makes sense not to reply. It's not rude. It's fab.

Mrs kf

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Problem is, if I reply no thanks I often get abuse or questions back. It also means that person can message again in future even if I put on filters. So unless I'm interested, I rarely reply. Unfortunately it's a case of the few spoiling it for the many. Also the sheer quantity of messages some days means there's just not time to respond. However, i am more likely to check out the profile of a well written message. "

Totally appreciate this. Hence wondering should the site block multiple messages until a reply is received? xx

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By *innie The MinxWoman over a year ago

Under the Duvet

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"

OP sorry if you feel it's ignorant. Other side of the coin, I've said no thanks before now and had 4 more messages asking why,off the back of that.

Take a delete as a "no thanks" and leave it at that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics. "

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

As someone who has been on the receiving end of abuse for a "no thanks", it's easier just not to engage.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

OP sorry if you feel it's ignorant. Other side of the coin, I've said no thanks before now and had 4 more messages asking why,off the back of that.

Take a delete as a "no thanks" and leave it at that.

Limiting messages until a reply is received would effectively resolve this then...? xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:14:29]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry to tell you but you're not own anything. If someone doesnt want to talk too you. They don't have to. I know can seem cruel and heartbreaking but it's something you just have to deal with on this site. Most of us good through the same thing everyday aswell if you can find Solace in that fact.

But don't up give on hope. Just keep moving forward and you'll find someone

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"

Put a status up saying you're hosting a party. They'll soon start replying then....

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx"

No. Its a flaw in you to think women have to answer every message. What is hard to understand about that? They deleted the first one. Why did you send a second one thinking the outcome would be different?!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I rarely open my messages, most of them get automatically deleted.

If I took the time to open and respond to the hundreds that land in my inbox every day I would be there for hours.

You should never expect a reply. You'll just be disappointed.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Mrs kf "

All these replies point to the same issue - it’s a site flaw xx

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By *ollycouple71Couple over a year ago

manchester

"Site clearly states,

no answer = not interested.

Ignorance is you feel that you are intitled to a reply.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message. "

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Mrs kf

All these replies point to the same issue - it’s a site flaw xx"

No, they don't.

Fab is fab. You need to re-examine your expectations and use of the site.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

Please find answer to this above

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Mrs kf

All these replies point to the same issue - it’s a site flaw xx

No, they don't.

Fab is fab. You need to re-examine your expectations and use of the site.

"
I guess we’ll have to disagree

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By *r TriomanMan over a year ago

Chippenham Malmesbury area

Just send it the once OP, no need for a second message as that starts to look a bit needy.

I fire and forget... Send the message and then delete it from my sent box. What happens next is entirely up to the person receiving it. If they respond then great, if not, so what, move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx"

No.

If 100 people send one message, thats 100 messages. No flaw.

For many, ladies especially, on this site 100 messages a day is actually a very low number.

Even me, being as I am, of niche appeal ar times get inundated. I used to reply to all, and still try to. Sometimes, however I just don't have the time.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I'm still waiting for my Blue Peter Badge...... the bastards.

They are rude I tell you! Rude.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this"

That doesn't even make sense lol

It is not ignorant for someone to not reply to your message. Your just butt hurt. Get over it.

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By *wist my nipplesCouple over a year ago

North East Scotland, mostly

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Mrs kf

All these replies point to the same issue - it’s a site flaw xx

No, they don't.

Fab is fab. You need to re-examine your expectations and use of the site.

I guess we’ll have to disagree"

Guess so! Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Just send it the once OP, no need for a second message as that starts to look a bit needy.

I fire and forget... Send the message and then delete it from my sent box. What happens next is entirely up to the person receiving it. If they respond then great, if not, so what, move on."

Already explained part 1

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I go to that letter box every day. Give up my family say to me ...... it was sixty years ago .....

No .... I say I want my badge they are just soooooooooooo IGNORANT

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Surely its an "occupational hazard". Just to put it in context in business the reply rate for mailshots is 1 to 2 percent. So if you get 3 replies for every 100 messages you send.. Think yourself a winner.

Ofcourse the response rate increases if you do spend time targeting profiles who appear to be looking for what you are able to supply... But then remember you are in competition with all the others also offering the same thing.

As a lottery winner once said when asked what they were going to do about the begging letters.... Keep sending them out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm still waiting for my Blue Peter Badge...... the bastards.

They are rude I tell you! Rude."

You're rude!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I'm still waiting for my Blue Peter Badge...... the bastards.

They are rude I tell you! Rude.

You're rude!

Well ...... yes. Just desserts then ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this

That doesn't even make sense lol

It is not ignorant for someone to not reply to your message. Your just butt hurt. Get over it. "

It makes perfect sense. Limiting sent messages the other person doesn’t reply to would be the perfect answer. But thanks for the blunt reply - kinda proves my point

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I go to that letter box every day. Give up my family say to me ...... it was sixty years ago .....

No .... I say I want my badge they are just soooooooooooo IGNORANT"

Huh?

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By *RSTCouple over a year ago

S. Northants

Having no response is not uncommon. Some accounts have hundreds of messages each day, majority of which from people they have no interest in. If a message is deleted just move on. It's nothing personal, you're not entitled to a response and the recipient owes you nothing.

Personally if you messaged us, but we weren't interested so we delete it... Then you message again you'd have a high chance of being blocked. Just move on.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Secondly, why would you send another message if the first one is deleted? That is one of the reasons we delete messages, because the sender isnt getting the message.

Thirdly, have a look at the Fab rules. They will tell you that not replying is not rude, it is an equivalent of a no thanks.

1. A message on a social media site or forum is rarely junk mail. It’s from one person to another in good faith.

2. Already explained I thought it may have been deleted by accident which people have replied and said before now

3. It isn’t always a sign of no thanks, as per 2."

The people trying to you under scenario 2 are lying to you to protect your very obvious precious feelings.

Any message on here is unsolicited no matter how much good faith you put into it. Unless they specifically ask you to message them (as in by name) your message is akin to junk mail.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Surely its an "occupational hazard". Just to put it in context in business the reply rate for mailshots is 1 to 2 percent. So if you get 3 replies for every 100 messages you send.. Think yourself a winner.

As a lottery winner once said when asked what they were going to do about the begging letters.... Keep sending them out.

Hmm interesting

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pass on. Don’t waste time

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Having no response is not uncommon. Some accounts have hundreds of messages each day, majority of which from people they have no interest in. If a message is deleted just move on. It's nothing personal, you're not entitled to a response and the recipient owes you nothing.

Personally if you messaged us, but we weren't interested so we delete it... Then you message again you'd have a high chance of being blocked. Just move on. "

I’d prefer to be blocked. At least there’s a finality to that

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By *astesLikeMagicWoman over a year ago

Newcastle

Why are you desperate to blame any one but yourself.

You want ladies and couples to change the way they deal with messages. Or you want the site to change the way messages can be sent. For you.

You want change, but you're not willing to make the change.

Perhaps change your expectations.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this

That doesn't even make sense lol

It is not ignorant for someone to not reply to your message. Your just butt hurt. Get over it.

It makes perfect sense. Limiting sent messages the other person doesn’t reply to would be the perfect answer. But thanks for the blunt reply - kinda proves my point"

When you sent that second reply sod a warning come up to you.... The sender of the message... Telling you to think about what you are doing as you've already sent a message that wasn't replied to? Should that not have been a light bulb moment for you?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Pass on. Don’t waste time "

Okay. I've always got the ones from The Brownies.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this

That doesn't even make sense lol

It is not ignorant for someone to not reply to your message. Your just butt hurt. Get over it.

It makes perfect sense. Limiting sent messages the other person doesn’t reply to would be the perfect answer. But thanks for the blunt reply - kinda proves my point

No there was no warning...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Totally appreciate this. Hence wondering should the site block multiple messages until a reply is received? xx"

Not sure this would work, say I don't reply and delete your message because I am already chatting with a few profiles and don't have the time to start another chat. A few weeks down the line none of those have worked out but I haven't replied to you, I would have forgotten the original message and you wouldn't be able to message again. If it's a complete no, never then I'd block you anyway.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Why are you desperate to blame any one but yourself.

You want ladies and couples to change the way they deal with messages. Or you want the site to change the way messages can be sent. For you.

You want change, but you're not willing to make the change.

Perhaps change your expectations."

No blame. Yes I’m saying the site is flawed if this is allowed to happen. Stopping a second message before a reply would resolve this.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP.

I put the time and effort into reading your posts, and I drafted a considered response.

Why haven't you responded to that? Is it rudeness or perhaps there are too many responses for you to realistically answer individually?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Totally appreciate this. Hence wondering should the site block multiple messages until a reply is received? xx

Maybe there should be something whereby you can ‘file’ people under ‘reply later’ or something. Totally understand how easy it is to forget if you get inundated xx

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By *RSTCouple over a year ago

S. Northants

Personally if you messaged us, but we weren't interested so we delete it... Then you message again you'd have a high chance of being blocked. Just move on.

I’d prefer to be blocked. At least there’s a finality to that"

But most people see blocking as a last resort. It's blocking not filtering.

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please

Is there a better way? Yes. Remove the sent items box as all it does is hurt mens feeling when women who owe them nothing choose to delete a message.

Not a bad idea. Limited sent messages not replied to would also resolve this

That doesn't even make sense lol

It is not ignorant for someone to not reply to your message. Your just butt hurt. Get over it.

It makes perfect sense. Limiting sent messages the other person doesn’t reply to would be the perfect answer. But thanks for the blunt reply - kinda proves my point

No there was no warning..."

Perhaps it's a site supporter thing then because they do exist.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Maybe there should be something whereby you can ‘file’ people under ‘reply later’ or something. Totally understand how easy it is to forget if you get inundated xx"

There kind of is. You can save messages, which is what I do with the ones I want to reply to, but don't have time to right then.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

No.

If 100 people send one message, thats 100 messages. No flaw.

For many, ladies especially, on this site 100 messages a day is actually a very low number.

Even me, being as I am, of niche appeal ar times get inundated. I used to reply to all, and still try to. Sometimes, however I just don't have the time."

So surely limiting how many repeated messages you receive would help you? xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:27:47]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Pass on. Don’t waste time

Okay. I've always got the ones from The Brownies. "

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Maybe there should be something whereby you can ‘file’ people under ‘reply later’ or something. Totally understand how easy it is to forget if you get inundated xx

There kind of is. You can save messages, which is what I do with the ones I want to reply to, but don't have time to right then. "

Ah ok, I might have missed this then in that case. Thank you xx

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By *he Cram-BetweensCouple over a year ago

A Club or Your Bedroom!

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

And then we reply with no thanks and happy fabbing to get a message back asking why. Its hard work, we have apologised in our profile in advance for if messages get deleted and why. No offence meant to anyone

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:27:47]"

I think you’ll find I did :D xx

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

No.

If 100 people send one message, thats 100 messages. No flaw.

For many, ladies especially, on this site 100 messages a day is actually a very low number.

Even me, being as I am, of niche appeal ar times get inundated. I used to reply to all, and still try to. Sometimes, however I just don't have the time.

So surely limiting how many repeated messages you receive would help you? xx"

Why is it the receiving person that has to be limited?

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Totally appreciate that xx

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I did a test once.

Messaged twenty women perfectly respectable message with face pic.

Nothing.

Same twenty I messaged a week later being a wanker.most replied.

Conclusuon:

Ignore every ridiculous instruction the women on here demand.

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:27:47]

I think you’ll find I did :D xx"

Thus I deleted.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

A site flaw?

Or you could use the private note function and mark against their profile that they deleted your message.

What you're suggesting, the site blocking you from sending multiple messages if you get no reply or the message gets deleted.... well, you could do that yourself by

A) having the self control not to send another

B) blocking their profile to prevent the urge from sending another message

C) use private notes to keep track of how many messages you've sent that person and behave according with that info at your fingertips.

D) manage your expectations. Have none and you'll hit them.

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I did a test once.

Messaged twenty women perfectly respectable message with face pic.

Nothing.

Same twenty I messaged a week later being a wanker.most replied.

Conclusuon:

Ignore every ridiculous instruction the women on here demand."

How did that work for you?

Your veris tell an interesting tale!

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

No.

If 100 people send one message, thats 100 messages. No flaw.

For many, ladies especially, on this site 100 messages a day is actually a very low number.

Even me, being as I am, of niche appeal ar times get inundated. I used to reply to all, and still try to. Sometimes, however I just don't have the time.

So surely limiting how many repeated messages you receive would help you? xx

Why is it the receiving person that has to be limited? "

I’m saying the site should limit the number you can send...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I did a test once.

Messaged twenty women perfectly respectable message with face pic.

Nothing.

Same twenty I messaged a week later being a wanker.most replied.

Conclusuon:

Ignore every ridiculous instruction the women on here demand."

Haha

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:27:47]

I think you’ll find I did :D xx

Thus I deleted."

Happy days

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"A site flaw?

Or you could use the private note function and mark against their profile that they deleted your message.

What you're suggesting, the site blocking you from sending multiple messages if you get no reply or the message gets deleted.... well, you could do that yourself by

A) having the self control not to send another

B) blocking their profile to prevent the urge from sending another message

C) use private notes to keep track of how many messages you've sent that person and behave according with that info at your fingertips.

D) manage your expectations. Have none and you'll hit them."

I wasn’t aware or private notes. Thank you xx

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By *iscean_dreamMan over a year ago

Llanelli

It's not ignorant to delete or ignore messages, after 2 times it definitely means they just aren't interested and that's fair enough.

It doesn't matter how nice your message is, it's completely upto the recipient what they do with it.

Just move on and forget about it because the only time wasters are ourselves

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's not ignorant to delete or ignore messages, after 2 times it definitely means they just aren't interested and that's fair enough.

It doesn't matter how nice your message is, it's completely upto the recipient what they do with it.

Just move on and forget about it because the only time wasters are ourselves "

That’s why I suggest the site regulate it better. Wasted everyone’s time otherwise

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"It's not ignorant to delete or ignore messages, after 2 times it definitely means they just aren't interested and that's fair enough.

It doesn't matter how nice your message is, it's completely upto the recipient what they do with it.

Just move on and forget about it because the only time wasters are ourselves

That’s why I suggest the site regulate it better. Wasted everyone’s time otherwise"

I'm not sure if it's changed but the site did give you a reminder if you'd already messaged someone and they didn't reply and you went to message them again.

It's already nudging you towards taking the hint.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've not read every post here and I'm guessing someone's already said this but girls get 100's of messages to our 1 so to reply to everyone of them with a thanks but no thanks would take up hours everyday.

There's no way around this, it is what it is...

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By *rder66Man over a year ago

Tatooine

If I had a meesage that got deleted, I wouldn't assume anything about the other person except that I may not be their type.

Perhaps, you will meet them in real life at a club or an event and you could hit it off.

I'm very much pro-choice and everybody has the right to say no.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But the site is not going to.

As a subject it is one of the most common on the forums. The responses are always the same.

Whether you intended it or not, it comes across as a bitbm of a sense of entitlement. The site has functioned for several years before the 8 months ago that you joined. The messaging etiquette has always been the same.

It ain't going to change sweetheart. Accept it, move on. The longer you bang this drum the more entitled you will appear.

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

60 seconds to read and reply. Multiply that by 100. Thats 100 minutes. Nearly 2 solid hours of doing nothing but reading and replying.

Then add 50% of those messaging back with 'why not' type messages. Plus maybe another 10% massaging back with abuse.

Its just not a realistic expectation.

Its not ignorance. Its logistics.

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

No.

If 100 people send one message, thats 100 messages. No flaw.

For many, ladies especially, on this site 100 messages a day is actually a very low number.

Even me, being as I am, of niche appeal ar times get inundated. I used to reply to all, and still try to. Sometimes, however I just don't have the time.

So surely limiting how many repeated messages you receive would help you? xx

Why is it the receiving person that has to be limited?

I’m saying the site should limit the number you can send... "

But why? Because you're too lazy to do it yourself? The vast anjority of people on here seem to be able to control themselves and take a no reol as a no thank you. Why can't you?

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

"But the site is not going to.

As a subject it is one of the most common on the forums. The responses are always the same.

It ain't going to change sweetheart. Accept it, move on. The longer you bang this drum the more entitled you will appear."

And the more people will block you before you've even tried to send a message as well OP

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By *on-snowedMan over a year ago

harlow

I sent a message the other day to a beautiful woman.

It went like this.

Do you have a bike?

Could I sniff the seat please?

She deleted that aswell.

I was pretty shocked as I thought it was pretty hilarious.

No sense of humour in some.

To the OP take it on the chin mate not Intrested not everyone will be. Chill.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It's not ignorant to delete or ignore messages, after 2 times it definitely means they just aren't interested and that's fair enough.

It doesn't matter how nice your message is, it's completely upto the recipient what they do with it.

Just move on and forget about it because the only time wasters are ourselves

That’s why I suggest the site regulate it better. Wasted everyone’s time otherwise

I'm not sure if it's changed but the site did give you a reminder if you'd already messaged someone and they didn't reply and you went to message them again.

It's already nudging you towards taking the hint."

I use a mobile so I’m not sure if it shows up

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I've not read every post here and I'm guessing someone's already said this but girls get 100's of messages to our 1 so to reply to everyone of them with a thanks but no thanks would take up hours everyday.

There's no way around this, it is what it is...

Seems that way, yes

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"If I had a meesage that got deleted, I wouldn't assume anything about the other person except that I may not be their type.

Perhaps, you will meet them in real life at a club or an event and you could hit it off.

I'm very much pro-choice and everybody has the right to say no."

True, I don’t disagree at all. I’m just saying there must be a better way

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By *erdy NancyWoman over a year ago

East Devon

I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise. "

This is another one that gets thrown about that I never understand. How will an inbox full of no thank you possibly be good for someone's mental health?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you? "

I think you are correct

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"If I had a meesage that got deleted, I wouldn't assume anything about the other person except that I may not be their type.

Perhaps, you will meet them in real life at a club or an event and you could hit it off.

I'm very much pro-choice and everybody has the right to say no.

True, I don’t disagree at all. I’m just saying there must be a better way"

The better way is for you to change your fab outlook op!!!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"But the site is not going to.

As a subject it is one of the most common on the forums. The responses are always the same.

It ain't going to change sweetheart. Accept it, move on. The longer you bang this drum the more entitled you will appear."

It wasn’t intended. I’ve been here much longer than 8 months on several other profiles too. I’m not banging any drum, just acknowledging each reply I get...

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By *adame 2SwordsWoman over a year ago

Victoria, London

I'm afraid no public face pic, wouldn't get any response from me.

It's not me being ignorant, it's managing my time.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you? "

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But the site is not going to.

As a subject it is one of the most common on the forums. The responses are always the same.

It ain't going to change sweetheart. Accept it, move on. The longer you bang this drum the more entitled you will appear.

It wasn’t intended. I’ve been here much longer than 8 months on several other profiles too. I’m not banging any drum, just acknowledging each reply I get..."

I am sure you didn't intend that. It is how it appears though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

I did an experiment a couple of weeks ago. I put up just 1 cleavage pic and my profile text only said "fill in later".

I got 186 messages in 10 hours. I replied to them all- it took just over 1.5 hours and messages were still coming in.

Imagine how many messages women with decent profiles get.

It's impossible to reply to them all.

To be fair the majority were "wanna fuk" type messages that didn't really warrant a reply. There were only 7 decent messages out of 186.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise.

This is another one that gets thrown about that I never understand. How will an inbox full of no thank you possibly be good for someone's mental health? "

That’s a whole new level of debate....

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you? "

No no no. Men demand that they control how women spend their time on here by insisting its ignorant not to reply to messages they didn't ask to receive.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting..."

Or you can pay attention to the "stop think" message you get when someone hasn't replied to a previous message

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP."

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

That feeling you get when people can't take a hint!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting..."

A warning comes up when someone hasn't replied.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise.

This is another one that gets thrown about that I never understand. How will an inbox full of no thank you possibly be good for someone's mental health? "

Now that I think of that I agree.

Also I didn't think that woman are obviously bombarded with messages.. So please ignore my point about MB etc

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

No no no. Men demand that they control how women spend their time on here by insisting its ignorant not to reply to messages they didn't ask to receive. "

Yup.

No ta. If people thinks deleting messages makes me ignorant, that's not my problem.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No one owes you anything OP

I'm not sure why I'm replying to the 87 millionth thread about this - but then I guess if you're new then you don't realise.

No reply is your reply.

No one wants to send 50 no thankyou messages a day to then invite more messages and possible abuse.

Calling women ignorant because you feel rejected is a red flag.

Take it all with a pinch of salt - join in on the forums strike up conversations here maybe.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Also. When you click on someones profile it tells you in the top left when you last messaged and if they have messaged you.

All the info is there, you're just trying to find a way to ignore it and blame the site instead of taking responsibility for yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

I did an experiment a couple of weeks ago. I put up just 1 cleavage pic and my profile text only said "fill in later".

I got 186 messages in 10 hours. I replied to them all- it took just over 1.5 hours and messages were still coming in.

Imagine how many messages women with decent profiles get.

It's impossible to reply to them all.

To be fair the majority were "wanna fuk" type messages that didn't really warrant a reply. There were only 7 decent messages out of 186. "

And those 7 are the ones largely suffering because of the other 179 you have to battle through first...

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By *ittyandtheboyCouple over a year ago

Back of the bins.

We need a sign

‘X number of days since someone moaned about not getting a reply’

We’d never need to move it off 0.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

That feeling you get when people can't take a hint!"

It should be explicit not hinted

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this"

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

A warning comes up when someone hasn't replied. "

As noted previously I wasn’t aware of that..

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting..."

You should be able to think for yourself and not repeatedly message people.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that."

I’ve deleted messages accidentally myself before now, it happens

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

That feeling you get when people can't take a hint!

It should be explicit not hinted"

Grown adults should be able to deal with regular means of communication, including the indirect no.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that.

I’ve deleted messages accidentally myself before now, it happens"

So you take your chances if you think that's what's happened.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

You should be able to think for yourself and not repeatedly message people. "

Even when it’s god knows how many days in between said messages? Not everyone has an elephant’s memory haha

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By *iscean_dreamMan over a year ago

Llanelli

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you? "

It does, however a reply isn't always going to be a yes please either.

I've replied just because I'm friendly and they then thought I was interested so I had to set the record straight

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By *ittle_brat_evie!!Woman over a year ago

evesham

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting..."

It's not implied or assumed. It's part of the site rules. It's implicit.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that.

I’ve deleted messages accidentally myself before now, it happens

So you take your chances if you think that's what's happened."

Yes, and usually get abuse for it or just ignored

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

You should be able to think for yourself and not repeatedly message people.

Even when it’s god knows how many days in between said messages? Not everyone has an elephant’s memory haha"

Look at the profile. Or the stop think message.

The tools already exist.

Reply privately (thread closed by moderator)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise. "

Perhaps the site should implement a nice message that will be sent automatically when the message gets deleted.

I do understand that it must be shit to send messages and get no replies at all. It's not entitled, it's simply wanting to be treated like a human being. To not feel invisible.

The majority of people I replied to, replied to me and said thank you for actually replying. It was quite sad really.

But a sex site really isn't a good place if someone is having MH issues. It's rough at the best of times.

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By *otlovefun42Couple over a year ago

Costa Blanca Spain...

"What's the ignorant part, OP?

Mrs kf x

Very true, it does only take a couple of seconds to say "no thanks" But, and it's huge BUT!

Multiply those 2 seconds by the hundreds of messages some profiles get on here and it very quickly adds up into a full time job.

Add to that the ones (and there are plenty) who won't take "no thanks" for an answer.

Then it's "why not?" and so on.

One of the main reasons that FAB rules state that a no reply is a no thanks.

Take it as that and move on. A no reply is NOT ingnorant on here.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

It does, however a reply isn't always going to be a yes please either.

I've replied just because I'm friendly and they then thought I was interested so I had to set the record straight

I appreciate the record being put straight...

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By *iscean_dreamMan over a year ago

Llanelli

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

You should be able to think for yourself and not repeatedly message people.

Even when it’s god knows how many days in between said messages? Not everyone has an elephant’s memory haha"

It's tells you when you go to write a new message in bold writing that you already sent a message and had no reply

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please"
If the original message got deleted.

Why message again?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I believe if you're not interested then a polite message saying so would be appreciated.

Especially now when MH is on the rise.

Perhaps the site should implement a nice message that will be sent automatically when the message gets deleted.

I do understand that it must be shit to send messages and get no replies at all. It's not entitled, it's simply wanting to be treated like a human being. To not feel invisible.

The majority of people I replied to, replied to me and said thank you for actually replying. It was quite sad really.

But a sex site really isn't a good place if someone is having MH issues. It's rough at the best of times. "

Exactly this! xx

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that.

I’ve deleted messages accidentally myself before now, it happens

So you take your chances if you think that's what's happened.

Yes, and usually get abuse for it or just ignored"

Most people delete things deliberately. If you want to assume otherwise, you take your chances.

What do you want out of this? If they don't want to talk to you they don't want to talk to you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"That feeling when you send someone a perfectly respectful message. It gets deleted so you try again thinking it’s been overlooked but no, it’s deleted again.

Guys, do you get this a lot? I know girls are inundated but they also say they’re looking for the respectful messages amongst the horrible stuff they have to put up with.

So is there a way to deal with this so everyone can be satisfied? Better filters? Message limits? Genuine question - no abuse please If the original message got deleted.

Why message again?"

I’m not answering this again - I’ve said it several times now

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Expecting replies to unsolicited communication, when the site explicitly says not to, is entitlement.

The problem is entitlement. Solve that, and the issue goes away.

You're welcome, OP.

The problem is being able to send those messages in the first place or at least not having them filtered or limited. There must surely be a better way than this

You send a message.

It's deleted.

A big bold message "STOP THINK" comes up when you try to send a second message.

You pay attention to that.

I’ve deleted messages accidentally myself before now, it happens

So you take your chances if you think that's what's happened.

Yes, and usually get abuse for it or just ignored

Most people delete things deliberately. If you want to assume otherwise, you take your chances.

What do you want out of this? If they don't want to talk to you they don't want to talk to you."

... a no thank you or a facility that stops you being able to send that message again would help all round

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

A warning comes up when someone hasn't replied.

As noted previously I wasn’t aware of that.."

Apologies, I'm a slow reader. It's a long thread. X

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

I’m more of the opinion that if you’re the type they’re looking for then they’ll contact you. So I don’t send many messages. Saves time and hassle and negative energy diluting the universe.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

I’m not looking for advice, thank you. I’m just wondering how many other people feel like I do - but clearly from some of the insults I’m getting not many do

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I thought that fab etiquette means no reply = a polite no thank you?

That’s implied or assumed, yes, but it shouldn’t have to be. You shouldn’t be able to keep messaging is what I’m suggesting...

A warning comes up when someone hasn't replied.

As noted previously I wasn’t aware of that..

Apologies, I'm a slow reader. It's a long thread. X

No worries, yes it is xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 21/02/21 12:54:31]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

I’m not looking for advice, thank you. I’m just wondering how many other people feel like I do - but clearly from some of the insults I’m getting not many do"

We try and answer every message unless its a crude message those get deleted.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

Here's the bottom line. The tools exist. "delete without reply means no thank you" is a long standing norm on Fab.

Trying again can be perceived as ignoring someone's no, which is obviously not acceptable.

When I tried to reply to messages because I thought it was polite, I got a lot of abuse for saying no (and the only way to stop further messages is to block, once you've replied).

No matter how many times people call us ignorant or rude or stuck up or whatever, that isn't going to change.

I'm sorry it bothers you, but them's the breaks. You can take it or leave it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Serious question op.

Are you ignorant????

I’m only asking because I’ve taken the time and energy to post twice on your thread and you have not replied to either of my posts which were well thought out and constructive therefore by your own flawed thought process you are indeed ignorant.

Personally I don’t think you are but I’m sure you get my drift.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I’m more of the opinion that if you’re the type they’re looking for then they’ll contact you. So I don’t send many messages. Saves time and hassle and negative energy diluting the universe. "

This leads to annoyance when the receiver isn’t interested - for both parties

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx"

It’s not a site flaw OP.

When you message someone again Fab give you a hi lighted warning if they haven’t replied to your first message.

If you chose to ignore then that’s your choice.

If we’ve sent a message and it’s not been replied to we give it a few days then delete it and move on. We also use the notes function to remind ourselves that they didn’t reply so we don’t message them again.

That’s life on Fab

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

I’m not looking for advice, thank you. I’m just wondering how many other people feel like I do - but clearly from some of the insults I’m getting not many do

We try and answer every message unless its a crude message those get deleted."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do not message that many people but some are just deleted, I do not know what is going on at the other end to state whether it is ignorant or otherwise. I am not entitled to a reply but it is good when I do get one, life is tangled up enough without worrying about it. Good luck OP

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Here's the bottom line. The tools exist. "delete without reply means no thank you" is a long standing norm on Fab.

Trying again can be perceived as ignoring someone's no, which is obviously not acceptable.

When I tried to reply to messages because I thought it was polite, I got a lot of abuse for saying no (and the only way to stop further messages is to block, once you've replied).

No matter how many times people call us ignorant or rude or stuck up or whatever, that isn't going to change.

I'm sorry it bothers you, but them's the breaks. You can take it or leave it."

Hence my original point that this site doesn’t work for a lot of people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

I’m not looking for advice, thank you. I’m just wondering how many other people feel like I do - but clearly from some of the insults I’m getting not many do"

It's because this question is asked so often.

Join in on the forums and strike up conversations here.

You never know what could happen.

Best of luck to you.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

It’s not a site flaw OP.

When you message someone again Fab give you a hi lighted warning if they haven’t replied to your first message.

If you chose to ignore then that’s your choice.

That’s life on Fab "

It's a good balance. Allows people personal choice, but doesn't apply a blanket ban on everyone. It's up to the sender to be mindful.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

It’s not a site flaw OP.

When you message someone again Fab give you a hi lighted warning if they haven’t replied to your first message.

If you chose to ignore then that’s your choice.

That’s life on Fab "

I think I’ve addressed both your points previously. I wasn’t aware of some of this hence etiquette only works if you’re aware of it

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I don't think you're actually listening to any advice that's being given to you OP - What is it you want to hear?

I’m not looking for advice, thank you. I’m just wondering how many other people feel like I do - but clearly from some of the insults I’m getting not many do

It's because this question is asked so often.

Join in on the forums and strike up conversations here.

You never know what could happen.

Best of luck to you."

Thank you, you too xx

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By *ingle ex cuckMan over a year ago

chester

I only ever message once and I don’t check to see if it’s been read

Sometimes I’ve forgot ive messeged some one and when the alert comes up saying you’ve already messaged this person then I stop and don’t send it .

Doesn’t it bother me if a woman doesn’t reply

They probably get 500 messages a day

I get on average 2 a week so I guess it’s easier for me to reply.

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

"Here's the bottom line. The tools exist. "delete without reply means no thank you" is a long standing norm on Fab.

Trying again can be perceived as ignoring someone's no, which is obviously not acceptable.

When I tried to reply to messages because I thought it was polite, I got a lot of abuse for saying no (and the only way to stop further messages is to block, once you've replied).

No matter how many times people call us ignorant or rude or stuck up or whatever, that isn't going to change.

I'm sorry it bothers you, but them's the breaks. You can take it or leave it.

Hence my original point that this site doesn’t work for a lot of people"

What does it mean for a site to "work"?

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By *hubaysiWoman over a year ago

Leeds

OP I am one of the few women here who get hardly any messages.

When I do I reply to them all. If I’m not interested in the guy I will tell him and then block. I do this to stop abuse and if I’m not interested why would I enter into conversation with him?

No reply means no interest. Check Fab rules.

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By *merald Eyes XWoman over a year ago

Can you find me….

I state what I’m looking for on my profile!

If there 200 miles away what’s the point. And there out of my age range.... so if they can’t be bothered to read my profile and know what I’m looking for! I won’t respond!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

It’s not a site flaw OP.

When you message someone again Fab give you a hi lighted warning if they haven’t replied to your first message.

If you chose to ignore then that’s your choice.

That’s life on Fab

It's a good balance. Allows people personal choice, but doesn't apply a blanket ban on everyone. It's up to the sender to be mindful."

Hence my point why all the onus is on the sender not on both parties...

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

This leads to annoyance when the receiver isn’t interested - for both parties"

Does it? Not in my opinion. However, I don’t care because I do just fine on here. Maybe if the messages were good then they’d merit a reply. Who knows? No point in stressing about things you have no influence over.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

52 mins and the thread is at 134 comments.

52 mins.

And that is no different to a womans inbox and the back n forth that goes on if she replies.

The onus is not on the site to stop you sending messages, the onus is on you to keep track. The site gives you the tools, you're choosing to ignore them.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I only ever message once and I don’t check to see if it’s been read

Sometimes I’ve forgot ive messeged some one and when the alert comes up saying you’ve already messaged this person then I stop and don’t send it .

Doesn’t it bother me if a woman doesn’t reply

They probably get 500 messages a day

I get on average 2 a week so I guess it’s easier for me to reply. "

Then a way of helping that benefits everyone

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By *naswingdressWoman over a year ago

Manchester (she/her)

So effectively it’s a flaw in this site that so many messages can be sent... ? xx

It’s not a site flaw OP.

When you message someone again Fab give you a hi lighted warning if they haven’t replied to your first message.

If you chose to ignore then that’s your choice.

That’s life on Fab

It's a good balance. Allows people personal choice, but doesn't apply a blanket ban on everyone. It's up to the sender to be mindful.

Hence my point why all the onus is on the sender not on both parties..."

Because the sender is the one doing the thing. Why is it on me that someone wants to message me? I'm just here minding my own business.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

To the OP, some people reply, some people don't. If you accept this you may enjoy the site better.

If people ignore your first mail it seems pointless to send another.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

PS in answer to stopping people sending a second mail...there is a warning that comes up very clearly saying you have sent a mail and didn't get an answer and do you really want to send another

Maybe then should be where you move onto someone else instead

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