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Post op dilation
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I’m just laying here doing my weekly maintenance and wondering how other post op transwomen feel about this necessary part of their lives.
It feels to me like its very much an undiscussed part of our lives and I’m wondering why that is?
I certainly have a love/hate relationship with the whole process. Sometimes it feels like a nice bit of indulgent “me time” to reconnect with the body I’ve worked so hard to achieve but other times its like a tedious reminder of my previous life and that without this upkeep the surgeon’s work will all be undone.
It almost feels like this subject is somehow taboo or a dirty little secret and I have debated for ages discussing it here. Do other post op ladies feel the same about this aspect of our lives or are you happy talking about it?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I’m just laying here doing my weekly maintenance and wondering how other post op transwomen feel about this necessary part of their lives.
It feels to me like its very much an undiscussed part of our lives and I’m wondering why that is?
I certainly have a love/hate relationship with the whole process. Sometimes it feels like a nice bit of indulgent “me time” to reconnect with the body I’ve worked so hard to achieve but other times its like a tedious reminder of my previous life and that without this upkeep the surgeon’s work will all be undone.
It almost feels like this subject is somehow taboo or a dirty little secret and I have debated for ages discussing it here. Do other post op ladies feel the same about this aspect of our lives or are you happy talking about it?
"
What is it? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps it's one of those things that those it applies to prefer to discuss on a more specialised platform "
Fair enough, i was wondering this myself, although there does seem to be interest in this kind of thing recently though based solely on other threads of a similar nature ?  |
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"Perhaps it's one of those things that those it applies to prefer to discuss on a more specialised platform
Fair enough, i was wondering this myself, although there does seem to be interest in this kind of thing recently though based solely on other threads of a similar nature ? "
I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't. "
Thanks, that was my thought process too. It certainly feels like something I should be ashamed of somehow but I’m wondering why that is and was curious to know the thoughts of others |
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I have cis women friends who need to use dilators due to vaginismus. Vaginas can be complicated things. Maybe it might help if you can reframe it in your mind that it's something many women out there need to do for a variety of reasons. I'm not wanting to dismiss your specific experiences as a trans woman, I just mean because you said you struggle with it being a reminder of your past it might help to look at it differently. |
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I didn't realise it was an on going thing. The thing is women need to maintain (for want of a better word) their vagina and vulva on a regular basis anyway. It really pays off in later life if you moisturise (with a suitable product) on a regular basis for instance. Nobody tells you this though and it's not discussed among women as you've discovered.
I know that isn't an answer to your question but I wondered if it might help to know that we all need a bit of maintenance  |
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"I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't.
Thanks, that was my thought process too. It certainly feels like something I should be ashamed of somehow but I’m wondering why that is and was curious to know the thoughts of others "
Sorry you feel that way. There's a lot of secrecy around women's genitals I think that adds to the feeling of shame. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that if you have to do self maintenance on your body it can all become a bit blasé at times and personally I don’t do jealousy but at times can envy normal healthy people who can just live their life’s in a very normal way.
I thought that after your operation Jamie that was it and job done so I’d be interested to know your regime in body maintenance??
Personally I have to take 15 tablets and one powder at various times and three injections and fill and fit new pumps and change captors at various times which can be tedious but keeps me alive.
Stay positive op as I’m sure your journey has been worth it.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps it's one of those things that those it applies to prefer to discuss on a more specialised platform
Fair enough, i was wondering this myself, although there does seem to be interest in this kind of thing recently though based solely on other threads of a similar nature ?
I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't. "
Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive |
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"Perhaps it's one of those things that those it applies to prefer to discuss on a more specialised platform
Fair enough, i was wondering this myself, although there does seem to be interest in this kind of thing recently though based solely on other threads of a similar nature ?
I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't.
Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive "
Or maybe people should just be supportive regardless of the platform? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks everyone, it’s certainly interning to hear of non trans ladies experiences with the same kind of thing. I have heard of people surfing with vaginismus and it does sound similar.
Self care is definitely important whoever you are and sometime it takes more effort than others. I’ve been in a bit of a low bit anyway recently with work issues and self care has taken a bit of a back seat.
As some have asked, there does seem a general perception that the work is all done after gender reaffirming surgery but it is ongoing for the rest of a trans woman’s life to keep things as they should and it’s not all fun and games. Sorry if it’s TMI but It’s literally a solid Perspex shaft that stretches out everything to maintain depth and it can be somewhat less than comfortable. |
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"Thanks everyone, it’s certainly interning to hear of non trans ladies experiences with the same kind of thing. I have heard of people surfing with vaginismus and it does sound similar.
Self care is definitely important whoever you are and sometime it takes more effort than others. I’ve been in a bit of a low bit anyway recently with work issues and self care has taken a bit of a back seat.
As some have asked, there does seem a general perception that the work is all done after gender reaffirming surgery but it is ongoing for the rest of a trans woman’s life to keep things as they should and it’s not all fun and games. Sorry if it’s TMI but It’s literally a solid Perspex shaft that stretches out everything to maintain depth and it can be somewhat less than comfortable."
Thank you for sharing this Jaimie. It's not something I was aware of, so you've done your bit to educate people this morning.
Self care can be hard when you feel down and especially in these crazy times. Be kind to yourself.
Hug of support to you. |
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I think you have every right to ask this question here.
Maybe a section of the swingers support forum could be used specifically to discuss this topic?
You could even run a weekly support thread yourself?
Just a suggestion.
Good luck. 
Jo.Xx
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds like maybe you could do with talking to a specialist gender reassignment councillor. Our mind can play strange things for instance when i had counselling i had became friends with a chap that was a amputee and to this day are very good friends weve had many discussions on how he feels he still has a leg and has tried to walk on it in many occasions. It drove him to a bad place mentally it was only talking to the right channels he got his life back.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Perhaps it's one of those things that those it applies to prefer to discuss on a more specialised platform
Fair enough, i was wondering this myself, although there does seem to be interest in this kind of thing recently though based solely on other threads of a similar nature ?
I think we should normalise it. Like you say, it's part of a whole long struggle you've gone through. To limit it to 'specialised platforms' just makes it seem like something that should be hidden and it shouldn't.
Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive "
I know what you mean. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have cis women friends who need to use dilators due to vaginismus. Vaginas can be complicated things. Maybe it might help if you can reframe it in your mind that it's something many women out there need to do for a variety of reasons. I'm not wanting to dismiss your specific experiences as a trans woman, I just mean because you said you struggle with it being a reminder of your past it might help to look at it differently. "
Good point. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive
I know what you mean. "
I think the point I was trying to make with the post was that there are specialised platforms where this is discussed but because it is confined to those areas, the topic almost becomes confined to those that it applies to and perpetuates the idea that we can’t talk about it openly and that it’s our “dirty little secret”.
Somedays it’s just a real drag to take that time for the self care and today was one of those days and just felt a bit fed up that I couldn’t share it |
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"Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive
I know what you mean.
I think the point I was trying to make with the post was that there are specialised platforms where this is discussed but because it is confined to those areas, the topic almost becomes confined to those that it applies to and perpetuates the idea that we can’t talk about it openly and that it’s our “dirty little secret”.
Somedays it’s just a real drag to take that time for the self care and today was one of those days and just felt a bit fed up that I couldn’t share it"
If you want to share, you share away Jaime . People don't have to read it and I think it's sparked an interesting conversation here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had no idea about this, thanks OP for sharing. We could all do with being more aware and talking more openly about what we go through, whatever that might be.
I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with it though, it might be worth talking with your GP to get some support? X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive
I know what you mean.
I think the point I was trying to make with the post was that there are specialised platforms where this is discussed but because it is confined to those areas, the topic almost becomes confined to those that it applies to and perpetuates the idea that we can’t talk about it openly and that it’s our “dirty little secret”.
Somedays it’s just a real drag to take that time for the self care and today was one of those days and just felt a bit fed up that I couldn’t share it"
I think the point she was making was that Fab isn't always supportive. Sometimes people take the piss and if you're feeling a bit fragile it's not easy to laugh it off like you could on a normal day.
I'm not saying you shouldn't share it. I think it's good to share because it can help other people. There will no doubt be other trans and cis ladies going through the same/ similar. They may not reply but they will feel better that they're not alone.
I asked what it is because some people don't like to ask questions for fear of seeming stupid. I really don't care if I seem stupid.
Hope that sharing has made you feel a bit better today. Xx |
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Sadly the way I found out about this was the term dilate was used as an insult on Twitter when I went down a rabbit hole that someone suggested on Fab regarding trans rights. As in go dilate yourself thrown at a brave tweeter.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks all,
Totally understand what you mean about opening yourself up to possible ridicule but it is amazing how people in general here are understanding and want to learn, so thanks all for that.
Like I say, its not all doom and gloom and sometimes it can be a lovely reminder of how far I have come and who I am now as well as being time for myself in peace and quiet but today it was all just a bit of a flaff to fit into my busy schedule.
Upon reflection and in all honesty I’m not 100% sure why I started this post now, think it was just one of those things that in the moment I wished more people understood without having to keep it a secret.
You’re all a lovely bunch of people, thank you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So I’m just laying here doing my weekly maintenance and wondering how other post op transwomen feel about this necessary part of their lives.
It feels to me like its very much an undiscussed part of our lives and I’m wondering why that is?
I certainly have a love/hate relationship with the whole process. Sometimes it feels like a nice bit of indulgent “me time” to reconnect with the body I’ve worked so hard to achieve but other times its like a tedious reminder of my previous life and that without this upkeep the surgeon’s work will all be undone.
It almost feels like this subject is somehow taboo or a dirty little secret and I have debated for ages discussing it here. Do other post op ladies feel the same about this aspect of our lives or are you happy talking about it?
"
I’m pre op so I can’t speak for your experience but it has been going through my mind more and more lately about this big decision x and I’m coming to terms that I’d like to get this done eventually
How long ago did u have ur surgery if I may ask? I suppose once you have hit 6-12 months mark theres less chance for the vagina to close up but I guess it can still happen x
Definitely I think you should try and think of it as a me and that u do it for urself x like when we bleach our hair (I know it’s more frivolous but u get what I mean)
I think u are amazing because u did make this happen x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive
I know what you mean.
I think the point I was trying to make with the post was that there are specialised platforms where this is discussed but because it is confined to those areas, the topic almost becomes confined to those that it applies to and perpetuates the idea that we can’t talk about it openly and that it’s our “dirty little secret”.
Somedays it’s just a real drag to take that time for the self care and today was one of those days and just felt a bit fed up that I couldn’t share it"
At the end of your original post, you did ask if other post op trans women felt this way, hence my suggestion |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m pre op so I can’t speak for your experience but it has been going through my mind more and more lately about this big decision x and I’m coming to terms that I’d like to get this done eventually
How long ago did u have ur surgery if I may ask? I suppose once you have hit 6-12 months mark theres less chance for the vagina to close up but I guess it can still happen x
Definitely I think you should try and think of it as a me and that u do it for urself x like when we bleach our hair (I know it’s more frivolous but u get what I mean)
I think u are amazing because u did make this happen x "
Hiya,
I think it is one of those things that if you are considering it fit the future, it’s important people hear the real life experience of it.
I had my surgery in 2016 and yes, whilst you can start increasing the interval between sessions, you will always have to do some form of dilation to maintain the immediate post op results. I’ve heard from many ladies in long term relationships for who regular intercourse itself is sufficient for this but the whole reason why I am is because that’s not an option for me 
I think a lot of ladies don’t talk about it outside of trans specific forums is because they don’t want to be seen as “ungrateful” or somehow that they regret their choice. Its not that at all, I wouldn’t change it for the world but I don’t think that means you have to pretend it’s all roses everyday if that makes sense ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"At the end of your original post, you did ask if other post op trans women felt this way, hence my suggestion "
Thanks, I know what you’re saying and it’s a valid point. Nice to get input outside of those areas sometimes too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m pre op so I can’t speak for your experience but it has been going through my mind more and more lately about this big decision x and I’m coming to terms that I’d like to get this done eventually
How long ago did u have ur surgery if I may ask? I suppose once you have hit 6-12 months mark theres less chance for the vagina to close up but I guess it can still happen x
Definitely I think you should try and think of it as a me and that u do it for urself x like when we bleach our hair (I know it’s more frivolous but u get what I mean)
I think u are amazing because u did make this happen x
Hiya,
I think it is one of those things that if you are considering it fit the future, it’s important people hear the real life experience of it.
I had my surgery in 2016 and yes, whilst you can start increasing the interval between sessions, you will always have to do some form of dilation to maintain the immediate post op results. I’ve heard from many ladies in long term relationships for who regular intercourse itself is sufficient for this but the whole reason why I am is because that’s not an option for me
I think a lot of ladies don’t talk about it outside of trans specific forums is because they don’t want to be seen as “ungrateful” or somehow that they regret their choice. Its not that at all, I wouldn’t change it for the world but I don’t think that means you have to pretend it’s all roses everyday if that makes sense ?"
Yes I have heard different experiences from girls who have gone through it and some did say about having a regular partner to help, it should suffice. But I guess sometimes that can’t be an option for different reasons.
But I totally get it how it isn’t roses and flowers everyday and pretend it’s all good, the operation itself and the upkeep afterwards
What I did mention to another girl on here, who I talked with about it (she had the op), is that what In my head is making me afraid is the pain after the operation that needs to go through. But I’m a natural scaredy Pussycat lol
Thanks for sharing this I hope you are gathering some good/different opinions from everyone x |
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"So I’m just laying here doing my weekly maintenance and wondering how other post op transwomen feel about this necessary part of their lives.
It feels to me like its very much an undiscussed part of our lives and I’m wondering why that is?
I certainly have a love/hate relationship with the whole process. Sometimes it feels like a nice bit of indulgent “me time” to reconnect with the body I’ve worked so hard to achieve but other times its like a tedious reminder of my previous life and that without this upkeep the surgeon’s work will all be undone.
It almost feels like this subject is somehow taboo or a dirty little secret and I have debated for ages discussing it here. Do other post op ladies feel the same about this aspect of our lives or are you happy talking about it?
"
Many people insert a wide variety items into a wide variety of bodily orifices. It's perfectly commonplace, why should it ever be considered dirty? And why shouldn't it be discussed on this forum? Other insertions are.
Personally, I like to make myself comfy and warm,use a little lube on a comfortably shaped and sized dildo. Sometimes the process can be pleasurable as well as functional.
It's not a dirty secret and I'm not embarrassed or ashamed.
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Or a 'specialised platform ' is perhaps where it will be a shared experience therefore more supportive
I know what you mean.
I think the point I was trying to make with the post was that there are specialised platforms where this is discussed but because it is confined to those areas, the topic almost becomes confined to those that it applies to and perpetuates the idea that we can’t talk about it openly and that it’s our “dirty little secret”.
Somedays it’s just a real drag to take that time for the self care and today was one of those days and just felt a bit fed up that I couldn’t share it
If you want to share, you share away Jaime . People don't have to read it and I think it's sparked an interesting conversation here. "
I agree. I had no idea about it either, and if you can get support here then that’s great. |
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