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Polyamory.....
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Is fabs a good place to find Poly types? we are thinking about dipping a toe into this world... potentially longterm.
Or are there any suggestions for suitable sites to register at?
Looking for either male, female, or couples....
A&G
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is fabs a good place to find Poly types? we are thinking about dipping a toe into this world... potentially longterm.
Or are there any suggestions for suitable sites to register at?
Looking for either male, female, or couples....
We found a lovely lady on here to be part of a triad it’s been a little harder to find a suitable man upto now x ok Cupid has an option to be matched with non monogamous people so could also be an option x
A&G
"
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There's a few of us knocking about  .
As previously mentioned there are a number of Facebook groups. I've also found OK Cupid has a lot of polyamorous people due to the options for non-monogamy preferences on profiles. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's a few of us knocking about .
As previously mentioned there are a number of Facebook groups. I've also found OK Cupid has a lot of polyamorous people due to the options for non-monogamy preferences on profiles. "
We had a look at OK Cupid, but no option for us to have an account as a couple, dont want to have seperate accounts (as Mrs is likely to be bombarded with mail), and we want genuine enquiries, as a cpl.
Also tried Throupledating... but it was really clickbaity, and filled with older men perving..
We have applied for our local facebook poly page... just waiting for acceptance..
Any other advice is very welcome...
x |
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"There's a few of us knocking about .
As previously mentioned there are a number of Facebook groups. I've also found OK Cupid has a lot of polyamorous people due to the options for non-monogamy preferences on profiles.
We had a look at OK Cupid, but no option for us to have an account as a couple, dont want to have seperate accounts (as Mrs is likely to be bombarded with mail), and we want genuine enquiries, as a cpl.
Also tried Throupledating... but it was really clickbaity, and filled with older men perving..
We have applied for our local facebook poly page... just waiting for acceptance..
Any other advice is very welcome...
x"
Ahh I see. Most polyamorous people date individually so not a lot is set up for couple profiles. There's an app called feeld that let's you link your profiles though. That isn't just for dating though, it's also for people looking for threesomes and group sex. |
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Hi A&G.
I joined Feeld a couples of months ago. So far it's very promising with prospective meets lined up with a single woman and a married couple.
There seems to be a stronger emphasis upon 'connection' rather than some of the motives which drive many on this site.
Definitely worth a try.
Tx |
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I'm smiling as there was a recent article in the Guardian on this subject.
A few comments then started talking about Balamory. Puts Miss Hooley in a very different light.
(sorry for off-subject comment, I couldn't help myself) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey,
Hope everyone is keeping well and not getting driven too mad with lockdown.
I am so sorry to jump on the thread like this but I would love to chat with a polyamorous MF couple or female if you wouldn't mind. We are exploring and researching polyamory as it is something that has our interest piqued and we are hoping to 'dip our toes' into the lifestyle and see if it is suited to our ever evolving and strengthening marriage. We can't find much information and advice that is repeated constantly. We are in Fife and can't seem to find any support groups or that on Facebook or Google. Can anyone point us in the correct direction or even have some time to chat with us x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are loads on here who say Poly (single males) but on closer inspection they simply want open relationships and swinging which aren’t the same things.
Good look on your search xx |
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By *an.thisMan
over a year ago
Torbay & Bournemouth |
"Is fabs a good place to find Poly types? we are thinking about dipping a toe into this world... potentially longterm.
Or are there any suggestions for suitable sites to register at?
Looking for either male, female, or couples....
A&G
"
Hello I wouldn’t mind looking into this either it sounds ideal if you ever want to discuss it please let me know ! |
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"Hey,
Hope everyone is keeping well and not getting driven too mad with lockdown.
I am so sorry to jump on the thread like this but I would love to chat with a polyamorous MF couple or female if you wouldn't mind. We are exploring and researching polyamory as it is something that has our interest piqued and we are hoping to 'dip our toes' into the lifestyle and see if it is suited to our ever evolving and strengthening marriage. We can't find much information and advice that is repeated constantly. We are in Fife and can't seem to find any support groups or that on Facebook or Google. Can anyone point us in the correct direction or even have some time to chat with us x"
Hi, I have two male partners and one of those partners has another female partner. Happy to chat about polyamory or recommend Facebook groups. Let me know on here if you want to talk and I'll drop you a message. |
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There are certainly plenty of poly people here.
In non-plague times I happen to run the London Polyamory meetup group (currently my co-hosts are doing online meets) and am part of the team which runs Polyday (annual one day conference in London).
I'd offer an initial observation that most established couples do date separately. You're playing in "hard mode" trying to date as a couple and will come across a certain amount of...friction...from the poly community. I would advise looking at the website "more than two" and possibly the accompanying book as a starting point.
As others have said there are various facebook groups, some public and others private which you may get invites to once you've joined in with the talk in the public groups. My London group is currently running a discord server for the whole of the UK which is quite active. My inbox is open if anyone wants direct links to the sites I've mentioned.
As for me...practising poly for over a decade, community leader in the London and UK poly scene, and am certainly not the fount of all knowledge. The group who runs most of the London scene with me usually quips that between us we've made all the mistakes! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'd offer an initial observation that most established couples do date separately. You're playing in "hard mode" trying to date as a couple and will come across a certain amount of...friction...from the poly community. I would advise looking at the website "more than two" and possibly the accompanying book as a starting point.
"
I wasn't aware of this perception within the poly community? I've only ever dated couples together, rather than an individual within an established couple. Interesting observation and thanks for the website reference.
 |
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"
I wasn't aware of this perception within the poly community? I've only ever dated couples together, rather than an individual within an established couple. Interesting observation and thanks for the website reference.
"
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with dating a couple, or with a couple looking to date someone together. But it is more difficult, and the way many people who are new to polyamory try and achieve this isn't healthy...the whole "I want me and my partner to find someone" attitude generally leads to lots of tears....whereas letting things happen organically is more likely to lead to success.
The one time I was in a triad, I'd already been married for 11 years and got very close to a woman my wife and I had met at a sex party some years before. She and I fell in love, and started spending time together. It helped that my wife was already quite friendly with her anyway and over time they fell in love too. So it happened by chance, without anyone seeking that situation. Lasted about a year.
Polyamory is done in many different ways, to be honest the most common is "solo poly" where someone decides they don't want to live with any of their partners and maintains a one person home while dating several people. Most established couples who are involved in the UK and wider poly community date separately, and occasionally something wonderful happens and everyone develops a connection. I do know a triad which just celebrated 22 years living together, so it can happen. |
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"
I wasn't aware of this perception within the poly community? I've only ever dated couples together, rather than an individual within an established couple. Interesting observation and thanks for the website reference.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with dating a couple, or with a couple looking to date someone together. But it is more difficult, and the way many people who are new to polyamory try and achieve this isn't healthy...the whole "I want me and my partner to find someone" attitude generally leads to lots of tears....whereas letting things happen organically is more likely to lead to success.
The one time I was in a triad, I'd already been married for 11 years and got very close to a woman my wife and I had met at a sex party some years before. She and I fell in love, and started spending time together. It helped that my wife was already quite friendly with her anyway and over time they fell in love too. So it happened by chance, without anyone seeking that situation. Lasted about a year.
Polyamory is done in many different ways, to be honest the most common is "solo poly" where someone decides they don't want to live with any of their partners and maintains a one person home while dating several people. Most established couples who are involved in the UK and wider poly community date separately, and occasionally something wonderful happens and everyone develops a connection. I do know a triad which just celebrated 22 years living together, so it can happen."
Interesting. It is the other side of the coin on a "third" where he/she wants more than the couple do. As you say - if it happens organically (but openly) it might thrive. The risk is always that someone is not open at outset - wanting only sex from a poly or relationship from a couple.  |
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By *ucidityWoman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
I’m still pretty new to poly but dating a couple together can come with a lot of challenges and seems to have a tendency to result in heartache for the third individual.
Couple privilege and hierarchical structures mean the playing field is not level but some seem to give the illusion that it is. Also to begin with the expectation that someone will love two people equally is a little naïve.
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"I’m still pretty new to poly but dating a couple together can come with a lot of challenges and seems to have a tendency to result in heartache for the third individual.
Couple privilege and hierarchical structures mean the playing field is not level but some seem to give the illusion that it is. Also to begin with the expectation that someone will love two people equally is a little naïve.
"
Hopeless optimism is what keeps Fab going |
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By *ucidityWoman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"I’m still pretty new to poly but dating a couple together can come with a lot of challenges and seems to have a tendency to result in heartache for the third individual.
Couple privilege and hierarchical structures mean the playing field is not level but some seem to give the illusion that it is. Also to begin with the expectation that someone will love two people equally is a little naïve.
Hopeless optimism is what keeps Fab going "
 |
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"I’m still pretty new to poly but dating a couple together can come with a lot of challenges and seems to have a tendency to result in heartache for the third individual.
Couple privilege and hierarchical structures mean the playing field is not level but some seem to give the illusion that it is. Also to begin with the expectation that someone will love two people equally is a little naïve.
"
Couples looking for a third person to date them both of often referred to as "playing in hard mode"in the poly community. |
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"I’m still pretty new to poly but dating a couple together can come with a lot of challenges and seems to have a tendency to result in heartache for the third individual.
Couple privilege and hierarchical structures mean the playing field is not level but some seem to give the illusion that it is. Also to begin with the expectation that someone will love two people equally is a little naïve.
Couples looking for a third person to date them both of often referred to as "playing in hard mode"in the poly community."
So what is the "friction" you referred to earlier from Poly community towards couples? |
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"
So what is the "friction" you referred to earlier from Poly community towards couples?"
I'd say this is largely due to the 'unicorn hunters'. That is, couples (mainly seeking bi women but sometimes bi men) who don't seem to have put any more thought into things than 'wouldn't it be great if we found a hot woman we could both fuck', with little regard for the potential woman's feelings/agency.
It isn't every couple of course, but it's common enough to have people being a bit sceptical. |
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"
So what is the "friction" you referred to earlier from Poly community towards couples?
I'd say this is largely due to the 'unicorn hunters'. That is, couples (mainly seeking bi women but sometimes bi men) who don't seem to have put any more thought into things than 'wouldn't it be great if we found a hot woman we could both fuck', with little regard for the potential woman's feelings/agency.
It isn't every couple of course, but it's common enough to have people being a bit sceptical. "
That's the crux of it. Pretty much every woman in the poly scene has experienced unwanted attention from newbie couples who don't really know what they're doing.
There is nothing intrinsically wrong with couples dating together and looking for people to both date. But it's much less common than the media would have you believe. Most representations of polyamory in the news, in articles and documentaries (and even drama) follow the narrative of a MF couple looking for a bi woman...the "hot bi babe" scenario. When in reality most poly people don't live with any partners at all, and most poly couples date separately. Occasionally three people do find they fit together really well emotionally and physically and then a triad forms. I know at least two triads who have lived together for over 20 years. But I know many more poly people who are married and date separately or who are "solo poly" and don't want to live with any of their partners.
Because experienced poly folk of all genders are wary of newbie couples excitedly joining the community looking for that perfect third person. There will be a certain amount of advice to read various books and websites and to consider dating separately. Where couples insist on "finding our perfect unicorn" without doing the groundwork first it does cause concern because we all have either been hurt or know someone who has by such people.
Perhaps looking at "unicorns r us" is a friendly way to explain it in full. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Several years ago I was involved in a poly relationship, as a third person, I was quite happy with it till the lady said she was in love with me, scared the living shit out of me, as I the feeling wasn't reciprocated |
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"Several years ago I was involved in a poly relationship, as a third person, I was quite happy with it till the lady said she was in love with me, scared the living shit out of me, as I the feeling wasn't reciprocated "
That's what polyamory is about...many loves. Why would someone in open to poly relationships be scared of someone falling in love? |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"Several years ago I was involved in a poly relationship, as a third person, I was quite happy with it till the lady said she was in love with me, scared the living shit out of me, as I the feeling wasn't reciprocated
That's what polyamory is about...many loves. Why would someone in open to poly relationships be scared of someone falling in love? "
because she wanted to exclusive, and I wasn't ready for that at the time |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Several years ago I was involved in a poly relationship, as a third person, I was quite happy with it till the lady said she was in love with me, scared the living shit out of me, as I the feeling wasn't reciprocated
That's what polyamory is about...many loves. Why would someone in open to poly relationships be scared of someone falling in love? "
If they then wanted to go exclusive and insist on you no longer being poly would be the only reason I could see for being scared, otherwise as you say poly is many loves and so why would you not have feelings for the people you are poly with? Surely that is just a FB or FWB type dynamic? |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"Several years ago I was involved in a poly relationship, as a third person, I was quite happy with it till the lady said she was in love with me, scared the living shit out of me, as I the feeling wasn't reciprocated
That's what polyamory is about...many loves. Why would someone in open to poly relationships be scared of someone falling in love?
If they then wanted to go exclusive and insist on you no longer being poly would be the only reason I could see for being scared, otherwise as you say poly is many loves and so why would you not have feelings for the people you are poly with? Surely that is just a FB or FWB type dynamic?"
because I was in a relationship with two other people |
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