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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
Sometimes you can spot them, like a message that doesn't quite sound right, or a profile that just doesn't add up but there are times when a person can let their guard down a bit. Saying that, we are humans after all so I would say I am cautious most times but possibly,like so many others, I do slip up then kick myself for it |
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I'm rather good at spotting them. But we all display red flags now and again, even the most rational of people will have an off day. My issue is that I know I can have a crazy bitch day so I can't always tell the difference between having a bad day and someone being a bad person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know that I could specify what behaviours I'm alert to, but there are definitely some that I just wouldn't tolerate, particularly when just getting to know someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Poor spelling. Three word profiles. Inability to hold a conversation, virtually or otherwise. Photos of a messy house (a bit judgey that one admittedly ) |
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"I think it takes a cetain amout of self awareness to recognise them sometimes.
"
Definitely has taken a lot of work for me to recognise some of mine. Especially the really subtle ones, not all of mine are really obvious common ones. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm pretty good at noticing them but I'm cautious and I don't trust anyone so I can go looking for them when they aren't there too.
If any kind of negative behaviour shows itself that I've delt with before, I'm off. I'm not hanging around to see the outcome of that situation. |
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By *xydadbodMan
over a year ago
Milton keynes |
"I think it takes a cetain amout of self awareness to recognise them sometimes.
"
I suppose experience counts as well I believe. An experience user of the site would have a higher chance of spotting red flags than say.. a newbie. I'm constantly learning new things on here, which is why I love these forums |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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There are some behaviours that are definite red flags for me and I've ended relationships (of varying degrees) at first sight of it.
Having typed that - I know once a month my hormones send me a bit dolally so I'm a bit more understanding of when people have off days - life is difficult, especially right now and I don't know what's fully going on in their mind.
I guess it depends on how red the flag is and my relationship with that person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get better with experience. I notice the patterns more often, but still get hooked from time to time. And as for my red flags I wave them around and tell people what they are  |
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Anyone else noticed aswell, typical with girls profiles that are shut down Pretty quickly or get deleted have grainy photos that look as if they date to 2005 ish? Good looking girls just seems the photos are much older, also just has a generic bio aswell.
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On here people are aware of their own likes and dislikes and you’re either attracted to someone or not. If the situation feels odd or something doesn’t seem true or right to you, go with your gut instinct and politely walk away. Don’t let your genitals rule your brain.
Ed |
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"I can spot a red flag (or at least, what is a red flag to me) a mile off.
And I never ignore them."
I've learnt to spot them but I'm guilty of ignoring a red flag (or 10!) in the past.
Sometimes I've given someone the benefit of the doubt when they really didnt deserve it, or I've gone with a situation that it would have been healthier to avoid.
It's always come back to bite me hard on the arse ( and not in a good way!)
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I am Excellent at spotting red flags. Well I would say that but I am.
My fault/or virtue lies in giving people the benefit of the doubt at times just in case they are being truthful or are in trouble or I have been too suspicious or cynical. Cos.......... I think it's best to help someone than not help and then find out I was wrong....
So..... sometimes when I think someone is utterly fucked up i'd still help.
If it's someone I KNOW is an arsehole who takes people for a ride they can fuck off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes you can spot them, like a message that doesn't quite sound right, or a profile that just doesn't add up but there are times when a person can let their guard down a bit. Saying that, we are humans after all so I would say I am cautious most times but possibly,like so many others, I do slip up then kick myself for it "
Exactly as you wrote. Even us men get fucked over in life or taken fir a mug on fab. But life just isn't a bed of roses. There are some thorns along the way also. We all make mistakes dispite how careful we are. |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
I think generally I spot them, but it depends on context and what you're looking for or consider a 'red flag'. I might consider a shouty profile and status updates as a red flag, others might see it as someone who is just very open with their emotions or just needs to vent.
Fakes are often easy, some of them might as well be waving a literal red flag.
In terms of behaviour, again depends what you're looking for and what the interaction is like. Its sometimes easier to see the red flags for others than for yourself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have a list of “hidden” or “secret” red lines that if someone crosses, then they're gone.
But mostly they’re really obvious. I remember Ali being asked once about someone wanting to teach her true submission. We played along for a couple messages and he just didn’t have a clue. He assigned a safe word, which wasn’t a work. It was the blink three times. He didn’t accept that it could easily be missed and meant he had to have visual contact 100% of the time. All that is bad enough.. but he wanted her to go to his alone first meet. Where straight away she was to total submit he was going to restrain her and breath play to prove his dominance over her. 8if that’s your thing.. sure.. but submission is earned and trust is needed for certain activities. I’d never let anyone do impact or breath play.
I reported them. One day someone will yes. Probably multiple. But one day he’d kill one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Red flags are easier to spot in other people’s situations, sometimes we see them within our own but don’t react as we should or take
Longer to place the dots, especially if there are strong emotions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We have a list of “hidden” or “secret” red lines that if someone crosses, then they're gone.
But mostly they’re really obvious. I remember Ali being asked once about someone wanting to teach her true submission. We played along for a couple messages and he just didn’t have a clue. He assigned a safe word, which wasn’t a work. It was the blink three times. He didn’t accept that it could easily be missed and meant he had to have visual contact 100% of the time. All that is bad enough.. but he wanted her to go to his alone first meet. Where straight away she was to total submit he was going to restrain her and breath play to prove his dominance over her. 8if that’s your thing.. sure.. but submission is earned and trust is needed for certain activities. I’d never let anyone do impact or breath play.
I reported them. One day someone will yes. Probably multiple. But one day he’d kill one. "
This is very scary!
I see a lot in my DMs with the same attitude and to think there are those who havent looked into this and would just think it's probably normal..
For BDSM there is so much importance in proper vetting. |
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This is one of those issues where the disparity in volume of messages results in a different experience for women than men. Admittedly, profiles often contain red flags even if heavily workshopped in the forums.
I think a big red flag would be a woman actually responding to one of my messages! |
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"Yeah, I'm a pretty good judge of character. Unfortunately.
I’d say that’s a blessing a great filter! "
It's not always appreciated by others, who don't see the same issues until too late (then they retrospectively agree, however grudgingly). It has caused a lot of tension/grief over the years. |
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