I walked up to a woman in a bar once, got chatting and told her I could tell her when she was born just by touching her tits....
After about 30 seconds of me fondling them, she got impatient and said "go on then, when was I born?"
I smiled and just said "Yesterday" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I walked up to a woman in a bar once, got chatting and told her I could tell her when she was born just by touching her tits....
After about 30 seconds of me fondling them, she got impatient and said "go on then, when was I born?"
I smiled and just said "Yesterday" "
 certainly stealing this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a dream last night that I weighed almost nothing.
I woke up and was like, 0mg."
I had a dream last night I was eating a giant marshmallow.
I woke up and my pillow had gone  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OK... go with me on this one.
What do you call an 80s music fan who does his housework at night with a bird of prey on each shoulder?
Hawk Kestrel man hoovers in the dark! |
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
Here's another:-
Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn't understand her request, so he says, "Come again." Monica responds, "No, this time it's mustard." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
Here's another:-
Monica Lewinsky walks into the dry cleaners. The old man behind the counter is hard of hearing and doesn't understand her request, so he says, "Come again." Monica responds, "No, this time it's mustard." "
|
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By *ooBulMan
over a year ago
Missin’ Yo’ Kissin’ |
Phoned the NHS line today and said, “I’m having a real problem getting an erection.”
“Well we’re here to help you as much as we can sir,” the woman replied.
“Great!” I burst out. “What colour knickers are you wearing?”  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I went to the car this morning, but it wouldn't start. Opened the bonnet and noticed a bat sitting on the engine. The bat looked at me and said, "You look great"
I nodded and replied, "As I thought, it's a bat flattery"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I went to the car this morning, but it wouldn't start. Opened the bonnet and noticed a bat sitting on the engine. The bat looked at me and said, "You look great"
I nodded and replied, "As I thought, it's a bat flattery"
"
|
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"I walked up to a woman in a bar once, got chatting and told her I could tell her when she was born just by touching her tits....
After about 30 seconds of me fondling them, she got impatient and said "go on then, when was I born?"
I smiled and just said "Yesterday"
------
certainly stealing this "
Stealing it... I'll be trying it after lockdown. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I walked up to a woman in a bar once, got chatting and told her I could tell her when she was born just by touching her tits....
After about 30 seconds of me fondling them, she got impatient and said "go on then, when was I born?"
I smiled and just said "Yesterday"
------
certainly stealing this
Stealing it... I'll be trying it after lockdown."
I can't be on anymore registers tho so I can't try it...... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Tiger Woods pulls into a Garage for petrol in the latest top of the range Merc.vThe pump attendant is admiring the car when he notices 2 Plastic spikey things on the passenger seat. Confused he asks Tiger What the hell are those things. Tiger replies they are for resting my balls on when I drive off. Fuck me replies the attendant Mercedes really do think of everything |
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"I walked up to a woman in a bar once, got chatting and told her I could tell her when she was born just by touching her tits....
After about 30 seconds of me fondling them, she got impatient and said "go on then, when was I born?"
I smiled and just said "Yesterday"
------
certainly stealing this
Stealing it... I'll be trying it after lockdown.
I can't be on anymore registers tho so I can't try it...... "
I have a friend that I've had sex with before and she was at mine last night just for a chat. So I told her I could tell her what day she was born by feeling her tits, oh yeah she said, prove it. So without any thought she lifted her top and bra and let me feel her tits. I did so for about 30 seconds or so and she asked ok then, to which I replied yesterday. She nearly slapped me before seeing the funny side, but I couldn't believe how gullible she really was lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A sadist was walking down the street one day when he accidentally ran into a fellow who had just stepped out of a grocery store knocking him to the ground. The sadist was apologizing profusely while he helped the unfortunate shopper to his feet and aided him in gathering his groceries, now strewn all over the sidewalk.
The shopper began telling the sadist that his scrapes and bruises were no problem since he was a masochist and enjoyed pain.
Upon learning this news, the sadist asked the masochist if he would like to accompany him home for some fun and games. I'm a sadist you see.
The masochists' eyes lit up and he quickly agreed.
After reaching the home of the sadist the masochist was practically beside himself with anticipation. He nearly swooned as the sadist shackled him in a corner and walked to the opposite wall where a cat of nine tails was hanging and took it from its perch.
The masochist was now trembling with anticipation and asked; "Are you going to beat me with that?"
The sadist, with a gleam in his eye, answered; "NO" |
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