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Dear Diary ,
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Today it is fucking bitter. The wind is howling and I am farting a lot.
I have had a fucking fantastic day listening to podcasts and loving life and feeling fortunate.
And farting a lot.
Maybe I should take beans off the shopping list.
P.S. I did clean the kitchen..... that was fun too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Today it is fucking bitter. The wind is howling and I am farting a lot.
I have had a fucking fantastic day listening to podcasts and loving life and feeling fortunate.
And farting a lot.
Maybe I should take beans off the shopping list.
P.S. I did clean the kitchen..... that was fun too "
Dear Granny,
Today I have done fuck all, in fact if it wasn't for the lack of milk in the fridge I would not have even got dressed.
Roast cauliflower and some IPAs last night mean my arse is rotten too.
Love Cat |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your "
I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss. |
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"Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your
I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss."
Dear Diary,
Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your
I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.
Dear Diary,
Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally. "
The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.
Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your
I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.
Dear Diary,
Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally.
The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.
Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves. "
As opposed to everyone else's.
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Granny,
Could I please impose upon you to remind me to checkout DCs profile. I have it on good authority there are new photographs displayed therein.
Yours Gratefully,
Vlad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Granny
Existing as I have on cocodamol sandwiches today, I have been quite off my tits. My fart turned into a purple ostrich which proceeded to run round the room shouting "its a cracker".
Your Humble Servant,
Dave
Note to self: renew prescription, these things are great.
Your
I lived on a diet of cocodamol and tramadol for a while. Apart from chronic constipation it was bliss.
Dear Diary,
Make a note to tell cat that beans would assist with his chronic constipation ....... as long as he opens the can and takes them orally.
The drugs were for nerve pain in my face. Eating wasn't fun, but I take your point.
Made a change for my face to be getting on my nerves.
As opposed to everyone else's.
"
That was my point yeah. Keep up, codeineface. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Granny,
Cat just called Jennie a bad name and I am now worried they don't love each other. Does this mean they will get a divorce? Who will I have to live with?
Love, Cat and Jennie's lovechild. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear granny,
Today My wheel fell off my truck 
I hurt my hand on a spade
My sausage fell out my brioche roll onto the floor and the sausage dog ate it
Im rubbish at tonights catchphrase
Ive learned today that my dad hasnt got my mum a valentine's card in 5 year
Yes todays been shi7.
P.s nothing wrong with afew sphincter love puffs.. just think whenever you fart around 1.2 million other people fart at the same time as you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Diary
I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison 
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"Dear Diary
I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison
"
I wonder if your neighbours would be better in prison? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dear Dairy
I long for your creamy texture, oh how I miss the gold top, where did you go, the rattle of the bottles on the door step and the anticipation of the unknown, was it Unigate or Co-Op. Ah you get the idea with that bollocks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dear Diary
I have had 765 murderous thoughts about my bellowing upstairs neighbour with all scenarios leading to me spending the rest of my life in prison
I wonder if your neighbours would be better in prison?"
He needs a death sentence  |
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