FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Am I one of them?
Am I one of them?
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I know full well I can be blunt, to the point and somewhat outspoken.
I see people kink shaming or body shaming and it gives me rage.
In my head I'm only sharp to those who's actions can cause harm to others, including biting at the shamers.
Does that make me just as bad as them? Is shaming a behaviour just as bad as shaming a kink/preference/turn on?
If we turn a blind eye and say nothing, does that make us as bad as them by giving the impression it's ok to make people feel like shit for liking something or being a certain shape?
I've thought of myself as a "pointer-outer" or an educator.
Am I kidding myself?
Yours sincerely,
Reflective one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Depends on the others level of education and attitude. Maybe they know better than you or I or maybe they just don't care, or maybe they even want our reaction? I think shaming anyone is something the world could do without, even those who themselves have shamed others. Sure pull them up on it but that's it, no name calling or nastiness, even if they're an arse, live and let live   |
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"Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry. "
100% having been in relationships where I was silenced or worse for speaking up I won't stand for it now. If I can save someone else from feeling like shit or bullied for things they cannot change then I almost feel it's my duty. I want to be the person who I wish I had in my corner during those times.
I've no ulterior motive, I'm not trying to impress anyone.
I have no issue being blocked by people who don't like my opinions however I don't particularly want to hurt people with my approach.
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I think sometimes the kink threads can be taken up too much by arguing with people trying to shame others. I will like you point it out when someone says something bad about one of my kinks. Apparently I need to be a psychiatric hospital according to one user. Anyways there is no point arguing with him, so I ignore him. I'm not entirely sure yet when it's good to point things out or just ignore because they clearly want the attention, if that makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry.
100% having been in relationships where I was silenced or worse for speaking up I won't stand for it now. If I can save someone else from feeling like shit or bullied for things they cannot change then I almost feel it's my duty. I want to be the person who I wish I had in my corner during those times.
I've no ulterior motive, I'm not trying to impress anyone.
I have no issue being blocked by people who don't like my opinions however I don't particularly want to hurt people with my approach.
"
I've seen you apologise on here when you've gone in guns blazing and maybe overdone the angry kickass thing.
I think intent is everything. Sometimes people will be offended. Sometimes an apology won't be enough, sometimes it will be very much appreciated. But your heart is in the right place. |
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Tricky one. Some of the people who shame others do it for fairly complicated reasons. Maybe they’ve had some bad shit in the past and that’s how they’ve learned to react - by hurting others.
Others may be so desperate for attention that any response is better than being ignored so they say things that will get literally any response.
There are plenty who don’t have consideration for others feelings and think that these things don’t offend.
However none of them are likely to change unless their behaviour is pointed out to them, you literally have to tell them what is appropriate behaviour. If they don’t get it politely then absolutely give it to them with both barrels. In many ways you’re too soft |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason"
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual |
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If someone’s acting a bellend in any form of life then they should be prepared to be challenged on their actions.
More often than not when they’re confronted they themselves will act like they’re the victim.
It takes skill to call out a cunt without them becoming all offended and crying the victim. The only way to become good at this practice is to keep calling the bellends out  |
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual "
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance. |
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In cases such as this ........ the peeper perceives an injustice.
The peeper appoints themselves gatekeeper of right and wrong and tranforms into an armchair super-hero ready to wag fingers and tell others what they are doing wrong...WRONG ? Interesting word. There isn't only one wrong or right but there is a spectrum of views.
I say speak up. Always speak up if you THINK you have seen something unjust.
However, put your point of view on the matter without berating the people who hold views that differ to yours.
If someone accuses me of kink shaming I can only allow them their ignorance.
Saying I don't like an act isn't shaming. Accusing people of shaming another because they expressed their own preference is a very lazy way of using pejoratives to demonise someone and turn others on them. e.g. anyone who has dared to not join The Cult of Sir Tom has been derided on that thread.
Some of the answers on this thread are printed proof that the 'If you don't agree with me then fuck off' brigade exist. That's fine. It's all they can muster. You can't reason with an unthinking mind. They fear that people want to change their views and enforce another view on them. They are set in stone and their ears and mind are rocks. They cannot think and do not want to reason. You can't fix stupid. Stupid is as stupid does.
I have never seen you shame anyone. I find your posts ( the serious ones not the very very very stupid ones ) insightful, intelligent and worth a read.
Pick your battles though..... I've learned that you can't have a meaningful discussion with those with nothing between the ears.
Putting an alternative view is always worth your finger tips.
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"Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry. "
I like this view.. I think this could be me. |
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By *uxom redCouple
over a year ago
Shrewsbury |
You are very much like me, you don't like others putting others down and have to say what you feel.
It makes you no better or worse than anyone else
No one has the right to make someone feel uncomfortable, hurt or upset.
I personally try to avoid upsetting people even when defending others although i do upset people.
Sadly some people will always want to be opinionated and or deliberately cause upset and arguments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think this is what I call shadow boxing, that is caused by a clash of relative moral values. We often feel most angry at the things we see as not us. Especially if we recognise a younger self that we feel shame about or we have felt the hurt from similar experiences, in the actions of others.
Confronting behaviour that does harm to others in order to raise awareness is a good thing. How that is done though for me is important. Sledgehammering them wouldn’t be my first choice these days, although I have been guilty of doing it frequently in the past.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance. "
What if they do just find it inexplicably gross but don't want to offend anyone anymore than the person who's kink it is, but they just DO offend without meaning to just because it's their heartfelt optinion. I think it can be dangerous to even think assumptions let alone pre-suppose them without being armed with the knowledge, otherwise we risk creating what we fear because it's often easier than trying to understand what we don't know
No offense intended, and I mean everyone, not just you or I Peach 
And I'm not suggesting there aren't wankers in life |
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Good point .me.
I think intent matters and it's not always helpful to assume that the person you think is offended , actually is. A lot of assumption takes place in these matters.
That's why I say state your point of view with reasons.
Don't attack the person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry.
I like this view.. I think this could be me."
Hope you feel you have a voice now. |
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance.
What if they do just find it inexplicably gross but don't want to offend anyone anymore than the person who's kink it is, but they just DO offend without meaning to just because it's their heartfelt optinion. I think it can be dangerous to even think assumptions let alone pre-suppose them without being armed with the knowledge, otherwise we risk creating what we fear because it's often easier than trying to understand what we don't know
No offense intended, and I mean everyone, not just you or I Peach
And I'm not suggesting there aren't wankers in life "
Finding things gross is fine. Shaming others into thinking they as a human must be gross because of things they like or are tho, that's totally different. Asking the question is prompting for the knowledge is it not?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you stand up for what's right which is always a good thing. When people post in an open forum to discuss their kinks etc, they must know that there will always be someone out there who thinks that it's a bit strange. But, there is a big difference between saying "not for me" or "no I don't like that" to mocking or shaming them for their likes or looks etc.
Making someone feel bad about themselves is wrong and should be challenged. You're very good at doing that.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
"
'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.' |
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I don’t really know you OP so it’s difficult for me to say whether you are “sharp” or “blunt” (weird that those two terms can mean the same thing, contextually, something to ponder....)
Sometimes people are just plain rude or write something for a reaction, or because they just “don’t get it”. Is it up to others to call them out on this? Difficult sometimes we can “bait” people when we do and the hurt is amplified because it just rumbles on, getting worse or more aggressive. But then if we say nothing we almost condone such behaviour, or at least do nothing to prevent continual hurt.
In this life, I think sometimes we have to stand up and poke our head above the parapet, yes we may get viewed negatively for that, or worse get a noggin full of arrows, but if we feel we should, then we should. People can be as kinky as they want to be and here, on fab in particular, should not feel shamed or vilified for being so
So, in essence (I’m such a windbag), who you stand up for and what you stand up for, is for you to decide without fear of judgement. It is you you will have to make peace with at the end. |
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'"
It's a view I hold but you'd be amazed at how many people use phrases such as ....... YOU made me feel .... etc etc etc.... |
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
"
I'm not sure. Possibly, probably. Maybe not even that but as much as being tired or having a bad day and that comment being the topper.
It's common for bi guys and trans to say they've felt shame or embarrassed or confused coming to terms with and accepting themselves. A lot of them are in the learning stage, putting the feelers out so to speak on their own confidence and sense of self. To have that poked at and laughed at or vilified is cruel as fuck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'
It's a view I hold but you'd be amazed at how many people use phrases such as ....... YOU made me feel .... etc etc etc.... "
I'm on the fence. If person A hadn't said the thing, person B wouldn't be feeling bad about it.
One shitty comment... brush it off.
Two shitty comments... annoyance.
Many shitty comments over time... soul destroying.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance. "
True but I must admit I’m not one for explaining my reasons. If someone posts a yes/no not for me/ I like it thread then I’ll give an answer. Usually if it has a why? I’ll avoid it. I’ve always been of the mind that if it’s legal and consensual then anything goes it the people involved are all happy with it. There is plenty on here that personally I think is fucking gross but I wouldn’t comment on them. I have been guilty of putting an “  ” on some threads which I probably shouldn’t have done but they are mostly the bordering on illegal ones which usually get pulled anyway! The men in panties thread yesterday. Absolutely not for me but I wouldn’t ever say Jesus that’s gross and there were a few comments bordering on that which I think is wrong. A place like this should be a place where people can discuss their kinks and fetishes without the worry of being shamed, slated or make to feel stupid.
On the other side of the coin I have to admit to becoming an awful lot more open minded about things and what I do and don’t like since joining here. |
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
"
I think so yes, but then doesn't everyone feel a little bit apprehensive when they deviate from societal norms? So if someone says they like xyz maybe for the first time on a thread, isn't this when the ones of us who have already tried it encourage them and say, I'm into this too you're not a freak? And then someone comes along with the vomit emoji and then you feel bad for them because it's not always easy to be so open? |
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance.
True but I must admit I’m not one for explaining my reasons. If someone posts a yes/no not for me/ I like it thread then I’ll give an answer. Usually if it has a why? I’ll avoid it. I’ve always been of the mind that if it’s legal and consensual then anything goes it the people involved are all happy with it. There is plenty on here that personally I think is fucking gross but I wouldn’t comment on them. I have been guilty of putting an “ ” on some threads which I probably shouldn’t have done but they are mostly the bordering on illegal ones which usually get pulled anyway! The men in panties thread yesterday. Absolutely not for me but I wouldn’t ever say Jesus that’s gross and there were a few comments bordering on that which I think is wrong. A place like this should be a place where people can discuss their kinks and fetishes without the worry of being shamed, slated or make to feel stupid.
On the other side of the coin I have to admit to becoming an awful lot more open minded about things and what I do and don’t like since joining here. "
Totally hear ya.
Not for me is fine, to me that's a perfectly reasonable response to which nobody should be prompted to justify. It's a respectful response. I'd not push for someone to explain it, it just "is"
It's the nasty ones that I challenge.
I know I'm very open with my whys and wherefores, moreso than many. I do it in part to understand myself and hopefully help others understand me and maybe them. So people perhaps don't feel alone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are just causes worth standing on your "soap box" and drumming loudly. And I believe you do that, in your own humorous way and sometimes a stern one. Preach
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance.
True but I must admit I’m not one for explaining my reasons. If someone posts a yes/no not for me/ I like it thread then I’ll give an answer. Usually if it has a why? I’ll avoid it. I’ve always been of the mind that if it’s legal and consensual then anything goes it the people involved are all happy with it. There is plenty on here that personally I think is fucking gross but I wouldn’t comment on them. I have been guilty of putting an “ ” on some threads which I probably shouldn’t have done but they are mostly the bordering on illegal ones which usually get pulled anyway! The men in panties thread yesterday. Absolutely not for me but I wouldn’t ever say Jesus that’s gross and there were a few comments bordering on that which I think is wrong. A place like this should be a place where people can discuss their kinks and fetishes without the worry of being shamed, slated or make to feel stupid.
On the other side of the coin I have to admit to becoming an awful lot more open minded about things and what I do and don’t like since joining here.
Totally hear ya.
Not for me is fine, to me that's a perfectly reasonable response to which nobody should be prompted to justify. It's a respectful response. I'd not push for someone to explain it, it just "is"
It's the nasty ones that I challenge.
I know I'm very open with my whys and wherefores, moreso than many. I do it in part to understand myself and hopefully help others understand me and maybe them. So people perhaps don't feel alone. "
Oh yes I tend to challenge the nasty ones. There is just no need for it and I can’t not say anything. Sometimes I have to actually log off to stop myself! I just don’t like to see it. And I do hope I don’t do it. I do have a lot of opinions and often I’m in the minority with them but I like to think I don’t get personal with them x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Doesn't it take a certain amount of acquiescence on the part of the shamed to feel shamed ?
Self doubt / low self esteem .....
'No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.'
It's a view I hold but you'd be amazed at how many people use phrases such as ....... YOU made me feel .... etc etc etc.... "
This ALL day long, and to an extent it's true, or at least a composite of truths.
I think a "mean" or "narrow minded" person can often benefit from some apparently undeserved kindness. If we're mean to them in return and fail to understand the reasons for their actions or at least the appearance of such actions in our minds then we can perpetuate their meanness in the form of defensivene behaviour and further attacks.
Bull with a thorn in its foot far too often. Pull the thorn in kindness, don't shoot the bull |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance.
True but I must admit I’m not one for explaining my reasons. If someone posts a yes/no not for me/ I like it thread then I’ll give an answer. Usually if it has a why? I’ll avoid it. I’ve always been of the mind that if it’s legal and consensual then anything goes it the people involved are all happy with it. There is plenty on here that personally I think is fucking gross but I wouldn’t comment on them. I have been guilty of putting an “ ” on some threads which I probably shouldn’t have done but they are mostly the bordering on illegal ones which usually get pulled anyway! The men in panties thread yesterday. Absolutely not for me but I wouldn’t ever say Jesus that’s gross and there were a few comments bordering on that which I think is wrong. A place like this should be a place where people can discuss their kinks and fetishes without the worry of being shamed, slated or make to feel stupid.
On the other side of the coin I have to admit to becoming an awful lot more open minded about things and what I do and don’t like since joining here.
Totally hear ya.
Not for me is fine, to me that's a perfectly reasonable response to which nobody should be prompted to justify. It's a respectful response. I'd not push for someone to explain it, it just "is"
It's the nasty ones that I challenge.
I know I'm very open with my whys and wherefores, moreso than many. I do it in part to understand myself and hopefully help others understand me and maybe them. So people perhaps don't feel alone.
Oh yes I tend to challenge the nasty ones. There is just no need for it and I can’t not say anything. Sometimes I have to actually log off to stop myself! I just don’t like to see it. And I do hope I don’t do it. I do have a lot of opinions and often I’m in the minority with them but I like to think I don’t get personal with them x"
Also (probably like you!) I have a sarcastic sense of humour and I know that can often be taken the wrong way! |
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
For once I'm not gonna reply to everyone, just a few here and there.
You know what would make it easier for me to understand... if people explained their reasons. It may also help them go further in understanding themselves too.
I'm gonna start asking people why they find things "gross"
Who knows, maybe they'll discover it's not actually a certain something they find gross, it's actually their toxic masculinity hitting overdrive, or their own ignorance.
True but I must admit I’m not one for explaining my reasons. If someone posts a yes/no not for me/ I like it thread then I’ll give an answer. Usually if it has a why? I’ll avoid it. I’ve always been of the mind that if it’s legal and consensual then anything goes it the people involved are all happy with it. There is plenty on here that personally I think is fucking gross but I wouldn’t comment on them. I have been guilty of putting an “ ” on some threads which I probably shouldn’t have done but they are mostly the bordering on illegal ones which usually get pulled anyway! The men in panties thread yesterday. Absolutely not for me but I wouldn’t ever say Jesus that’s gross and there were a few comments bordering on that which I think is wrong. A place like this should be a place where people can discuss their kinks and fetishes without the worry of being shamed, slated or make to feel stupid.
On the other side of the coin I have to admit to becoming an awful lot more open minded about things and what I do and don’t like since joining here.
Totally hear ya.
Not for me is fine, to me that's a perfectly reasonable response to which nobody should be prompted to justify. It's a respectful response. I'd not push for someone to explain it, it just "is"
It's the nasty ones that I challenge.
I know I'm very open with my whys and wherefores, moreso than many. I do it in part to understand myself and hopefully help others understand me and maybe them. So people perhaps don't feel alone.
Oh yes I tend to challenge the nasty ones. There is just no need for it and I can’t not say anything. Sometimes I have to actually log off to stop myself! I just don’t like to see it. And I do hope I don’t do it. I do have a lot of opinions and often I’m in the minority with them but I like to think I don’t get personal with them x
Also (probably like you!) I have a sarcastic sense of humour and I know that can often be taken the wrong way!"
The thread you mentioned is the inspiration for this one actually. |
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It completely puts me off a thread when someone starts having a dig, and usually it's a person that holds no interest/experience in the topic. It's a reflection of their own state and makes me want to avoid them at all costs.
Sometimes these people do need taking out of the room and told they're a tossbag - for the sake of a happy community.
Unfortunately they rarely listen and it can end up like a piranha feeding frenzy!
C |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Shame the shamer's PP.
There's no room for such prejudice on fab as we are all sexy people and one persons kink is another's run of the mill, we all to most "normal folk" would appear to be perves so WTF??
Fab is meant to be our haven away from the idiots if we can't be who we want to be here amungst friends then where do we go?
Having the guts to be individual is something to respect, encourage and applaud.
To quote Morrissey "Its so easy to laugh its so easy to hate, It takes guts to be gentile and kind..." one
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Peach, keep doing you as you're friggin marvelous.
Nobody should be kink shaming others because they don't understand someone else's kink and they never understand the reasons for the kink either.
I'm in one of those groups who regularly get kink shamed and its given me my voice and I will use it to defend myself and others as well.
I may not understand what or why anyone likes what they do but as long as nobody is being harmed then knock yourselves out....and if I ask then kindly explain it to me too as I love to learn stuff.
I love that you stick up for what is right and for those who haven't yet found their voice and even more so the way you do it as its often hilarious and always from the heart you've got one hell of a brain in that lovely little head of yours so don't ever change xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual "
I also agree with the wise one |
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I don't agree with G.M. in this instance.
'Acting like an arse' ....... Who decides who is acting like an arse.
This is the point that I can't agree with.
It's the entire circumlution of this type of thinking ....
A doesn't agree with B and says so
C has a go at A and thinks they are justified in doing so......
Just because you think someone is an arse doesn't make them one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree with G.M. in this instance.
'Acting like an arse' ....... Who decides who is acting like an arse.
This is the point that I can't agree with.
It's the entire circumlution of this type of thinking ....
A doesn't agree with B and says so
C has a go at A and thinks they are justified in doing so......
Just because you think someone is an arse doesn't make them one. "
Tru story! |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"There's a world of difference between someone shaming another for having a particular like or preference that is different to their own, and shaming someone for acting like an arse.
So nope you're not "one of them".
Knowing you as I do too, I know that you post with balance, reasoning and thought and if you see something or someone you think needs pulling up, it will usually be with good reason
Basically this Peach. I agree with GM as usual
I also agree with the wise one "
I agree too |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
Well, my opinion is, if you don't point out that someone is being a bit of a dick, they will keep doing it.
I've done it myself when I've seen people being hypocritical.
I also like to point out when people are putting others down (usually single men being put down) for their preferences on here.
If you're one of them, so am I.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was going to ask earlier, if you value the views and opinions of people or friends saying nice things you agree with over others saying what you think are not nice things that you don't agree with. They're all views surely, from a human being.
It's all a matter of personal opinion - shame, disagreements, love, hate, harmony, right, wrong, they only exist in your own mind and don't always tally with the expectations of others |
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"I was going to ask earlier, if you value the views and opinions of people or friends saying nice things you agree with over others saying what you think are not nice things that you don't agree with. They're all views surely, from a human being.
It's all a matter of personal opinion - shame, disagreements, love, hate, harmony, right, wrong, they only exist in your own mind and don't always tally with the expectations of others "
I like my friends to be honest rather than "nice"
I've also had my views challenged on more than one occasion and it can make me think.
What experience do you have with this to base your opinion on? I think if people asked this more and were honest with their answers we could all learn so much about ourselves, each other and the human psyche.
I know I'm no Saint, I know I can be a hypocrite which gets to me at times when I spot it coz I'm all "oh Peach ya cunty cunt" but at the same time I accept that I'm fallible and hold my hands up. I'm my own worst critic believe me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was going to ask earlier, if you value the views and opinions of people or friends saying nice things you agree with over others saying what you think are not nice things that you don't agree with. They're all views surely, from a human being.
It's all a matter of personal opinion - shame, disagreements, love, hate, harmony, right, wrong, they only exist in your own mind and don't always tally with the expectations of others
I like my friends to be honest rather than "nice"
I've also had my views challenged on more than one occasion and it can make me think.
What experience do you have with this to base your opinion on? I think if people asked this more and were honest with their answers we could all learn so much about ourselves, each other and the human psyche.
I know I'm no Saint, I know I can be a hypocrite which gets to me at times when I spot it coz I'm all "oh Peach ya cunty cunt" but at the same time I accept that I'm fallible and hold my hands up. I'm my own worst critic believe me."
I was just asking the question to find the answer, quite simple really. I guess being around the forum for five years or so makes a person curious about how folks minds work and why they post and why they respond the way they do - it's what holds me here. I think you'd be mad not to value your friends opinions but madder still not to keep them in check with other independent or opposing comments. I've been mad as a hatter before myself and hence the question
I like most of your threads and comments and you make me smile occasionally, it's why I joined in with this one. That's not me sucking up, just being straight x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I don't agree with G.M. in this instance.
'Acting like an arse' ....... Who decides who is acting like an arse.
This is the point that I can't agree with.
It's the entire circumlution of this type of thinking ....
A doesn't agree with B and says so
C has a go at A and thinks they are justified in doing so......
Just because you think someone is an arse doesn't make them one. "
And on that note I don't agree with me in the way it was written - poor turn of phrase perhaps but I think there are times when it's very obvious someone is speaking out of turn or being particularly insensitive and it was those instances I was referring to, yes it still comes back to opinion but when balance and reasoning are included in the way that opinion is expressed and if it's not done in a confrontational way I don't see an issue with it. |
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"I was going to ask earlier, if you value the views and opinions of people or friends saying nice things you agree with over others saying what you think are not nice things that you don't agree with. They're all views surely, from a human being.
It's all a matter of personal opinion - shame, disagreements, love, hate, harmony, right, wrong, they only exist in your own mind and don't always tally with the expectations of others
I like my friends to be honest rather than "nice"
I've also had my views challenged on more than one occasion and it can make me think.
What experience do you have with this to base your opinion on? I think if people asked this more and were honest with their answers we could all learn so much about ourselves, each other and the human psyche.
I know I'm no Saint, I know I can be a hypocrite which gets to me at times when I spot it coz I'm all "oh Peach ya cunty cunt" but at the same time I accept that I'm fallible and hold my hands up. I'm my own worst critic believe me.
I was just asking the question to find the answer, quite simple really. I guess being around the forum for five years or so makes a person curious about how folks minds work and why they post and why they respond the way they do - it's what holds me here. I think you'd be mad not to value your friends opinions but madder still not to keep them in check with other independent or opposing comments. I've been mad as a hatter before myself and hence the question
I like most of your threads and comments and you make me smile occasionally, it's why I joined in with this one. That's not me sucking up, just being straight x"
I'm offended at occasionally. I'm a chuffing ball of fun who's hilarity knows no bounds.
And that is fact rather than opinion  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think it depends on how you do it. It can quickly become a bloodsport and that's not pleasant to read, nor is it when the vultures of hurt descend, each picking at a little word or turn of phrase in their 'I'm the most offended' hisses.
That doesn't really solve anything - the poster either gets the attention they were craving or can't be arsed reading a wall of those vying to be offended and crops up again later, view unchanged.
On a very rare occasion you are a bit sharp in what you say when you vehemently disagree with something which is fair enough I guess, we have all had those moments (a few years ago I had those moments every minute ). On the whole you're really not a twunt with it.
I think you should always type your pov OP - it's valid. Remember that others might be also and by genuinely expressing an interest in why they think x, y and z, rather than lazily lambasting them as shaming or whatever else, you'll possibly learn something and they'll remain open to reading you as well.
(This thread was too long to read apologies if someone said any of this above. Not sorry for the waffle) |
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"Do you think you do it because in past times you didn't have a 'voice'? So now you are sticking up for other people who don't have a voice?
I know it doesn't answer your question, sorry.
100% having been in relationships where I was silenced or worse for speaking up I won't stand for it now. If I can save someone else from feeling like shit or bullied for things they cannot change then I almost feel it's my duty. I want to be the person who I wish I had in my corner during those times.
I've no ulterior motive, I'm not trying to impress anyone.
I have no issue being blocked by people who don't like my opinions however I don't particularly want to hurt people with my approach.
"
I think this says everything Peach. After all not pointing out these things in my opinion is the same as encouraging it or at worse agree with it.
So carry on being your self, the fact you posted this thread is evidence enough that it comes from the right place.
You can go back to fart planning now |
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"I know full well I can be blunt, to the point and somewhat outspoken.
I see people kink shaming or body shaming and it gives me rage.
In my head I'm only sharp to those who's actions can cause harm to others, including biting at the shamers.
Does that make me just as bad as them? Is shaming a behaviour just as bad as shaming a kink/preference/turn on?
If we turn a blind eye and say nothing, does that make us as bad as them by giving the impression it's ok to make people feel like shit for liking something or being a certain shape?
I've thought of myself as a "pointer-outer" or an educator.
Am I kidding myself?
Yours sincerely,
Reflective one."
A strong person sticks up for themselves. A stronger person sticks up for others.
Keep on being you. |
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