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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Important? No, not at all. Would I like to? Yes, because I'm a nosey so and so. There's one instance where it might possibly be important to me but I'm learning to be less rigid with my rules. |
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"For those who share fwb with other people, is it important for you to know who you are sharing fwb with, similar to as what some couples like to do or does it not bother you"
I don't ... Unless I have a fun anecdote to narrate or perhaps share previous experiences I don't discuss my current sexual exploits with a fwb and don't interrogate them either.
I don't enter into exclusive arrangements though so I feel it's none of my business  |
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Knowing who the other fwb is is down to personal choices and if it works for you then it works.
Sharing details of the things that you get up to and the way your relationships are with others is a big mistake though as it can take over and make things messy and unnecessarily hurtful.
Keep it separated, enjoy your own part in the bubble you all share and respect boundaries. If you are told something is off limits, stick to it. |
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If I have FBs I don't communicate with them in between meets so what they get up to elsewhere isn't my concern.
FWBs same, pretty much, except we may chat more and maybe be more open about what else is going on in our lives.
I dont really do jealousy so it doesn't bother me if they are having other meets. |
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"Important? No, not at all. Would I like to? Yes, because I'm a nosey so and so. There's one instance where it might possibly be important to me but I'm learning to be less rigid with my rules."
I have this nosey streak, but It solidifies my trust in them to know they are making good choices, I never ask them who, but will often see a veri and it makes me happy |
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"For those who share fwb with other people, is it important for you to know who you are sharing fwb with, similar to as what some couples like to do or does it not bother you
I don't ... Unless I have a fun anecdote to narrate or perhaps share previous experiences I don't discuss my current sexual exploits with a fwb and don't interrogate them either.
I don't enter into exclusive arrangements though so I feel it's none of my business "
That makes sense. I have exclusive to me fwb and non exclusive to me fwb and it's nice to see the different dynamics in the relationships |
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"Knowing who the other fwb is is down to personal choices and if it works for you then it works.
Sharing details of the things that you get up to and the way your relationships are with others is a big mistake though as it can take over and make things messy and unnecessarily hurtful.
Keep it separated, enjoy your own part in the bubble you all share and respect boundaries. If you are told something is off limits, stick to it."
Boundaries are indeed very important in fwb relationships |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on the relationship I have with that person. If it's a friend first (which generally they are) then I have no issues, names etc can be kept private but I do tend to tell them if I already have something regular with someone else.
I've had guys get jealous because they knew about another friend I had, I don't do jealousy so I was glad I found out when I did because it meant I wasn't compatible with that person. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"
I have this nosey streak, but It solidifies my trust in them to know they are making good choices, I never ask them who, but will often see a veri and it makes me happy"
Yes, the nosey streak is a burden we both share.  In a fwb situation I do see them as my friend, first and foremost. So I might say, oh I'm interested in x but I'd never expect them to share that information back and I would never want to hear the intimate details. I think Sophie is right - when you start down that route things can quickly become messy and hurtful.
Sometimes I do ask questions because I talk to them as a friend but I've made a little vow to myself (now I'm less hormonal!) to focus on the relationship I have with the other person and enjoy that for what it is. For the most part I'm not a jealous sort, far from it.
I don't mind sharing, as long as I still feel as important to that person because I'm needy like that and how else will I get my validation*?
*tongue in cheek. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to know, their personal life is their business. Same reason I won't meet people with more than 4 posted veris.
I don't care if they have 1 or 100 other lovers, I just want them to be private and discreet. |
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I share my boyfriend. I like to know but it's not essential to my happiness. As for fwb, mostly I don't know as I think it's asking a lot from something casual but I'm also open to sharing that information if someone feels the need to know. I think there's a line though as others have a right to privacy and may not be comfortable with a fwb sharing that information with another person. |
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"It depends on the relationship I have with that person. If it's a friend first (which generally they are) then I have no issues, names etc can be kept private but I do tend to tell them if I already have something regular with someone else.
I've had guys get jealous because they knew about another friend I had, I don't do jealousy so I was glad I found out when I did because it meant I wasn't compatible with that person. "
I do this. no names, but make it very clear I will see other people and that would need to be an understanding between us |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Generally, I see it as none of my business. If they wanted to tell me then fair enough, but I won't be grilling them on it. If I felt there would be complications by starting something with someone I'd just steer clear. People on the forum who have similar tastes can end up inadvertently gravitating towards the same people and I wouldn't want to cause any bad feeling. |
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"
I have this nosey streak, but It solidifies my trust in them to know they are making good choices, I never ask them who, but will often see a veri and it makes me happy
Yes, the nosey streak is a burden we both share. In a fwb situation I do see them as my friend, first and foremost. So I might say, oh I'm interested in x but I'd never expect them to share that information back and I would never want to hear the intimate details. I think Sophie is right - when you start down that route things can quickly become messy and hurtful.
Sometimes I do ask questions because I talk to them as a friend but I've made a little vow to myself (now I'm less hormonal!) to focus on the relationship I have with the other person and enjoy that for what it is. For the most part I'm not a jealous sort, far from it.
I don't mind sharing, as long as I still feel as important to that person because I'm needy like that and how else will I get my validation*?
*tongue in cheek."
I agree it doesn't matter if you see them weekly, monthly or yearly, the friendship is the important part and any time invested in maintaining multiple relationships is very important to each other, other wise they just end up being fb and I'd rather lose the benefits than the friendship |
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"I share my boyfriend. I like to know but it's not essential to my happiness. As for fwb, mostly I don't know as I think it's asking a lot from something casual but I'm also open to sharing that information if someone feels the need to know. I think there's a line though as others have a right to privacy and may not be comfortable with a fwb sharing that information with another person. "
I suppose that's when it almost becomes just gossip when they break that privacy |
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"I share my boyfriend. I like to know but it's not essential to my happiness. As for fwb, mostly I don't know as I think it's asking a lot from something casual but I'm also open to sharing that information if someone feels the need to know. I think there's a line though as others have a right to privacy and may not be comfortable with a fwb sharing that information with another person.
I suppose that's when it almost becomes just gossip when they break that privacy"
I think it depends on people's motivations and the agreements between each individual. There's no correct way to do things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I have this nosey streak, but It solidifies my trust in them to know they are making good choices, I never ask them who, but will often see a veri and it makes me happy
Yes, the nosey streak is a burden we both share. In a fwb situation I do see them as my friend, first and foremost. So I might say, oh I'm interested in x but I'd never expect them to share that information back and I would never want to hear the intimate details. I think Sophie is right - when you start down that route things can quickly become messy and hurtful.
Sometimes I do ask questions because I talk to them as a friend but I've made a little vow to myself (now I'm less hormonal!) to focus on the relationship I have with the other person and enjoy that for what it is. For the most part I'm not a jealous sort, far from it.
I don't mind sharing, as long as I still feel as important to that person because I'm needy like that and how else will I get my validation*?
*tongue in cheek."
Why is it tongue in cheek? I don't see needing validation as a negative. Surely we want to feel wanted and needed. There must be something that we can give them that the other person can't. Or something we have that compliments the relationship.
This isn't meant to sound feisty or argumentative, sorry, just wondering. |
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"For those who share fwb with other people, is it important for you to know who you are sharing fwb with, similar to as what some couples like to do or does it not bother you"
I think if they felt they had to be secretive about it then maybe we're not on the same wavelength. We wouldn't be bothered who they saw. I hope they would feel comfortable enough with us to know they can tell us if they wanted to. |
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I see FWB ‘relationships’ as being able to chose those I am compatible with, that have similar standards and ethics and can also be a friend/confidant. It’s akin to picking the most inviting sweets in the shop but without being partial to just one flavour (if I chose)
In most cases there has been mutual trust and understanding in my experience so far. ( only one showed jealous tendencies and it quickly ended - I don’t do jealousy, no room for it here) I have been open regarding anyone else I may wish to see as they have been with me. We don’t divulge details unless by choice and we are comfortable with such.
I think you need robust resolve not to allow traditional relationship emotions come in to it, and you have to agree what you are entering into and expectations then stick to it!
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