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Agree or Disagree?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My Wife of 28 years whom I love, has admitted she no longer wants/ needs any sexual contact. We have not had any now for three years. I however am still as horny as ever and yearn for a sweat smelling tasty pussy and to feel a lady moan with pleasure at my touch. So am I wrong to have had a fwb for a year which has now ended but for me to be looking for another? |
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My understanding of a fwb is that they are a friend as well as someone you have sex with. Not just a fb or nsa. I think your wife would be very hurt if she knew you had this sort of relationship with someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do you need validation from strangers? The only person you should be asking is your wife, the views of total strangers shouldn't factor."
I am not after validation, it was a discussion point which I thought the forum was all about |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always be upfront to your wife about your needs ,and if she understands and agrees why not ,but never lie to her always be honest ,and letting her know how much she means to you,I know off one or two couples this arrangement works for and everyone is happy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back? "
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out? |
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do? "
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do?
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex "
Yes I do love her but we all have sexual needs surely? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out? "
It’s a very tricky situation, and I do agree with you, you shouldn’t have to miss out, but I can see her side too. Have you talked about counselling with her? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you need validation from strangers? The only person you should be asking is your wife, the views of total strangers shouldn't factor."
I really don't understand why people start threads about cheating on their partners and then get butt hurt when they don't like the comments 
What are you expecting OP an inbox full of women that want to be a free prostitute for you behind your wife's back?
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out? "
It's not right that you can't have an active sex life but cheating isn't the answer. Have frank honest conversation and tell her that you don't feel you can live without a sex life. If she still doesn't want sex then ask her what she suggests can happen so that you're both happy. Then you suggest that you can seek sex elsewhere. If she loves you she will listen and try to understand and come up with a solution where you are both content. Good luck. |
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do?
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex
Yes I do love her but we all have sexual needs surely? "
Just have a wank. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
It’s a very tricky situation, and I do agree with you, you shouldn’t have to miss out, but I can see her side too. Have you talked about counselling with her?"
Tbh no I haven’t , we haven’t even argued about it, I accept her feelings and love her but just can’t turn off my sexual wants like a tap.
Thank you though for not being judgemental x |
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do?
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex
Yes I do love her but we all have sexual needs surely? "
Then u must do what u see fit! And live with consequences! X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out? "
How about trying counseling? It's not normal to stop completely having sex to be honest ... but you are risking losing everything for the rest of your life!
Sometimes discussing is one person giving their views and the other getting defensive ... have you actually tried talking about why she's gone off sex with you? Have you tried going down the GP route? Have you explained (non emotionally) how it makes you feel? And that you haven't made this decision to be celibate for, perhaps, the next 50 years? Have you both looked at alternatives?
At the moment you have cheated on her for a year emotionally and physically ... how do you think that you would make her feel? What do you think would happen if she found out?
I don't agree with any decisions being made for other people nor with cheating but time is a factor to sort things and sometimes needs a nudge!
I think you have all the answers and good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do you need validation from strangers? The only person you should be asking is your wife, the views of total strangers shouldn't factor.
I really don't understand why people start threads about cheating on their partners and then get butt hurt when they don't like the comments
What are you expecting OP an inbox full of women that want to be a free prostitute for you behind your wife's back?
Not at all and sorry you feel that way!!!!
As I said, it was a discussion topic.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
It's not right that you can't have an active sex life but cheating isn't the answer. Have frank honest conversation and tell her that you don't feel you can live without a sex life. If she still doesn't want sex then ask her what she suggests can happen so that you're both happy. Then you suggest that you can seek sex elsewhere. If she loves you she will listen and try to understand and come up with a solution where you are both content. Good luck."
Thank you appreciated x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Considering you seem to be going behind your wife’s back then my personal opinion is that it is not ok for you to have another relationship outside of your marriage.
V x "
Thank you x |
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do?
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex
Yes I do love her but we all have sexual needs surely? "
Thing is whatever anyone on here says its your choice , put the shoe on the other foot ,,, you dont want sex with your with but your wife has needs/ wants , how would you feel if she was going out and meeting other guys ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
How about trying counseling? It's not normal to stop completely having sex to be honest ... but you are risking losing everything for the rest of your life!
Sometimes discussing is one person giving their views and the other getting defensive ... have you actually tried talking about why she's gone off sex with you? Have you tried going down the GP route? Have you explained (non emotionally) how it makes you feel? And that you haven't made this decision to be celibate for, perhaps, the next 50 years? Have you both looked at alternatives?
At the moment you have cheated on her for a year emotionally and physically ... how do you think that you would make her feel? What do you think would happen if she found out?
I don't agree with any decisions being made for other people nor with cheating but time is a factor to sort things and sometimes needs a nudge!
I think you have all the answers and good luck! "
Aww thank you for your positive advise x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out? "
She doesn't know, so you're cheating on her.
You're in the wrong whichever way you look at it. Grow a pair and just leave her, you'd be doing her a favour. |
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"Okay, this has obviously upset a number of people in here. I didn’t intend for that.
Thank you for your comments.
Have a lovely day and stay safe x"
Not sure people are upset! Just giving u a honest answer to your delema! X |
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"Why do you need validation from strangers? The only person you should be asking is your wife, the views of total strangers shouldn't factor."
My (mr) view exactly.
Have to spoke to your wife about how she feels ? |
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If you are not prepared to live a sexless existence, then tell her so. Ask her if she thinks it’s ok to expect you to live in such a way that makes you unhappy.
Find out what the problem is and try and work it out together.
It’s possible your marriage might struggle, bit these are facts that you both have to address. If you sweep them under the table, nothing will get fixed and resentment & frustration will take over.
Hope things work out for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my ex husband and I got to that point we discussed things and decided to end the marriage rather than go behind each other's backs. 6 years on we still get on well and have a good co-parenting relationship. It was definitely the right decision, although it was very painful for a while. |
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She might have a 101 things going on in her life that have put her off sex with you but unless you talk (in a calm and rational way) or get counselling you'll never know.
It's possible that she suspects that you are living a double life and for whatever reason puts up with it but can't have sex with you because she despises you.
You say you love her but does she love you ?
It's not all about wining and dining her it might be that you're not pulling your weight with the small things like chores, cleaning, washing etc
I'd come off fab for a while (you can't meet anyway) and put everything into maybe 3 months of saving your marriage and then at least you'll be able to say you tried if you do split up. |
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"Each to their own but i ( Ian ) disagree
So what am I to do?
Talk to your wife , explain to her whst you want and if she accepts that then go for it , if she disagrees then its a big fat no , you married your wife because you loved/love her not just for sex
Yes I do love her but we all have sexual needs surely? "
Obviously not, as your wife doesn't have, no not all people need it to the point of deception. |
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In general I think it's very difficult when one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling to be sexual any more. Nobody should be obliged to have sex of they can't or don't want to but I don't think it's easy for their partner to accept. There's so much intimacy and bonding that is derived from close sexual contact it must change a relationship.
Accepting a life without sex must be just as difficult as accepting that your partner is meeting and having a relationship with someone else.
I don't have an answer to this situation and I can't say I agree or disagree with it because there are so many factors involved that I can't possibly know.
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My partner decided three years ago that he didn't want sex anymore. We decided to continue our relationship with me (outside Covid) able to have sex with other people. I have always told him before a planned meet. |
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This old chestnut comes up alot and I have sympathy for both sides.
Communication is key here as you both seem to have different agendas /priorities but seem afraid to discuss them fully. Maybe neither of you really wants to hear what the other has to say?
Currently you both appear to have your heads in the sand and "selective listening".
If you both feel the relationship is worth saving then consider couples councelling but be prepared for some uncomfortable truths and emotional honesty.
Good luck OP.
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
She doesn't know, so you're cheating on her.
You're in the wrong whichever way you look at it. Grow a pair and just leave her, you'd be doing her a favour. "
It's not that easy though is it.? None of us knows anything about their relationship or their wants and needs so to suggest just walking out on a 28 year investment by 'growing a pair'... I'd recommend some form of independent relationship counselling.. People change and 28 years of a loving relationship is a lot to walk away from... For both of you. Every situation is unique. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In general I think it's very difficult when one person in a relationship is unable or unwilling to be sexual any more. Nobody should be obliged to have sex of they can't or don't want to but I don't think it's easy for their partner to accept. There's so much intimacy and bonding that is derived from close sexual contact it must change a relationship.
Accepting a life without sex must be just as difficult as accepting that your partner is meeting and having a relationship with someone else.
I don't have an answer to this situation and I can't say I agree or disagree with it because there are so many factors involved that I can't possibly know.
"
Totally agree with this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
She doesn't know, so you're cheating on her.
You're in the wrong whichever way you look at it. Grow a pair and just leave her, you'd be doing her a favour.
It's not that easy though is it.? None of us knows anything about their relationship or their wants and needs so to suggest just walking out on a 28 year investment by 'growing a pair'... I'd recommend some form of independent relationship counselling.. People change and 28 years of a loving relationship is a lot to walk away from... For both of you. Every situation is unique. "
Maybe it would be that easy for her, if she knew what OP was doing behind her back  |
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"Have you talked to your wife about this? It’s not fair to expect you to live a life without sex imo, but equally it’s not fair to go behind her back?
Yes, we have discussed the lack of sexual contact. She says it’s normal at our age to stop having sex. I disagree, but we have a good marriage in all other areas. She would not agree with me doing this and I get the mistrust but but why should I have to miss out?
She doesn't know, so you're cheating on her.
You're in the wrong whichever way you look at it. Grow a pair and just leave her, you'd be doing her a favour.
It's not that easy though is it.? None of us knows anything about their relationship or their wants and needs so to suggest just walking out on a 28 year investment by 'growing a pair'... I'd recommend some form of independent relationship counselling.. People change and 28 years of a loving relationship is a lot to walk away from... For both of you. Every situation is unique.
Maybe it would be that easy for her, if she knew what OP was doing behind her back "
Yes Maybe it would. But unless you have intimate knowledge it's just a rather glib comment.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are not prepared to live a sexless existence, then tell her so. Ask her if she thinks it’s ok to expect you to live in such a way that makes you unhappy.
Find out what the problem is and try and work it out together.
It’s possible your marriage might struggle, bit these are facts that you both have to address. If you sweep them under the table, nothing will get fixed and resentment & frustration will take over.
Hope things work out for you."
I agree with this |
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Couples counselling instead of the selfish quick fucking fix.
I've been cheated on and I've been lied to by someone who "loved" me.
Take a read of my profile and you'll see the damage it can do/does.
Answer this, if she died before you, could you carry her coffin with pride in your heart that you did right by her and was the best husband you could be or would you be riddled with guilt that you lied to her and cheated on her for a year and are thinking that's ok?
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it must hurt not feeling desired.... but enough to break her heart? Counselling. |
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By *oxychicWoman
over a year ago
Nottinghamshire |
I dont agree or disagree, you do you , however can you imagine your life without her , as you could lose everything , if she found out , and they always do , you will slip up eventually, so have your fun meet your needs , but be prepared for the aftermath unfolding, as one day it will happen |
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"Couples counselling instead of the selfish quick fucking fix.
I've been cheated on and I've been lied to by someone who "loved" me.
Take a read of my profile and you'll see the damage it can do/does.
Answer this, if she died before you, could you carry her coffin with pride in your heart that you did right by her and was the best husband you could be or would you be riddled with guilt that you lied to her and cheated on her for a year and are thinking that's ok?
Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it must hurt not feeling desired.... but enough to break her heart? Counselling. "
it's certainly worth a try. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
"If you are not prepared to live a sexless existence, then tell her so. Ask her if she thinks it’s ok to expect you to live in such a way that makes you unhappy.
Find out what the problem is and try and work it out together.
It’s possible your marriage might struggle, bit these are facts that you both have to address. If you sweep them under the table, nothing will get fixed and resentment & frustration will take over.
Hope things work out for you."
This |
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