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Let's pretend we work for a haulage company...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Anyone that comments on the thread is automatically staff.
Send an 'email' to your 'collegues'
We have some important delivery's and loads to take care off.
Make it professionally rude and naughty.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To the warehouse manager,
We have a particular large load coming in today that is going to require a lot of delicate attention.
Can you make you sure you get the exact amount of people on this task ASAP?
Thank you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Re: Entrance
May I please remind all colleagues that due to continuous maintanence, the back door will no longer be used for entry.
Anyone who attempts to do so will incur serious consequences.
Thank you for your understanding. |
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"Re: Entrance
May I please remind all colleagues that due to continuous maintanence, the back door will no longer be used for entry.
Anyone who attempts to do so will incur serious consequences.
Thank you for your understanding."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.
STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!
Warm Regards |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Re: New Starter
I would like to introduce everyone to the new apprentice that will be joining us soon. I'm sure we'll be lucky to have her.
If you refrain from making any sexual comments about the new starter that are reported to HR, then we'll have no chance of beating last year's record! |
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Evening all,
As many of you are now working remotely the risk assessments we asked you to fill out on load handling are now long over due.
I ask you all hop on a zoom call with me tomorrow morning 9am and you can show me how you correctly handle a load.
Kind regards,
WDB |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.
STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!
Warm Regards"
Hi CityJeans,
As you have no evidence of me taking your lunch, I would appreciate it if you could stop accusing me of these serious allegations.
P.S. a little more mayo on the next one please. That sandwich was dryer than the Sahara |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all employees
This year's Christmas outfits and presents from the local sex toy manufacturer are now in the warehouse ahead of this Fridays office Christmas orgy.
Will all employees please come to the warehouse office at some point during this week and collect your gifts from the lucky dip barrel.
Looking forward to seeing you playing.
Regards
The stores management |
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To all drivers
Can I please remind you that all "inflatables" are to be correctly stored whilst the vehicle is in transit
As a side note we have a new stock of puncture repair kits for the more zealous among you
Regards Dolly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To all employees
Further to my email below outfits and not exchangeable and must be worn during attendance
Regards
The stores management
"To all employees
This year's Christmas outfits and presents from the local sex toy manufacturer are now in the warehouse ahead of this Fridays office Christmas orgy.
Will all employees please come to the warehouse office at some point during this week and collect your gifts from the lucky dip barrel.
Looking forward to seeing you playing.
Regards
The stores management "
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Memo
From: HR
To: Derek, the DIY Man
Derek,
Please refrain from carrying out DIY in front of the CCTV cameras, Steve the Security Guard has complained. However, Sheila from accounts has a slot that is opening at 3pm and said you’re more than welcome to take advantage of that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi gang, me again, hope this email finds you all well, I don’t want to be that guy but whoever keeps putting my packed lunch on top of the warehouse roof pack it in, I haven’t eaten in 3 days.
STEVE I KNOW ITS YOU!!!!!!
Warm Regards
Hi CityJeans,
As you have no evidence of me taking your lunch, I would appreciate it if you could stop accusing me of these serious allegations.
P.S. a little more mayo on the next one please. That sandwich was dryer than the Sahara "
Hi Steve, I take it you have no baguettes about taking my packed lunch, you were spotted by most of the office staff and the cleaner, Claire in HR is fully aware of the situation, as she mentioned the sandwich needed more Mayo too.
Should you need further clarification, please don’t hesitate to contact me as per our convo this morning. I’m off to achievement city, I will see you in the P.M
Regards |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To All
We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.
We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.
Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.
This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.
Regards.
Salvage Dept. |
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"To All
We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.
We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.
Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.
This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.
Regards.
Salvage Dept. "
I can be a lert |
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I'm regrettably told that Samantha will be leaving us shortly to take up a "new position" on the radio show sorry I haven't a clue. She asked me to convey how satisfied she often felt during her time here and I'm sure many of us feel the same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To All
We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.
We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.
Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.
This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.
Regards.
Salvage Dept. "
Just to add to this, the route for the convoy will be marked out in red flags, this should also help drivers avoid the rather large pot holes. |
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"I'm regrettably told that Samantha will be leaving us shortly to take up a "new position" on the radio show sorry I haven't a clue. She asked me to convey how satisfied she often felt during her time here and I'm sure many of us feel the same."
she certainly has a few of us gentlemen friends wishing her well ...I'm prepared to provide a contribution to her whip  |
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"Sharon from accounts has asked can the men stop commenting on her figures. She said 38.24.34 was the company sort code and NOT her stats.
"
she behaves as if she has a divine right ....her lefts not bad either |
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It has come to my attention that manual handling rules are not being followed by female employees. Please remember to handle large packages with proper care and attention. Kneeling down if necessary. |
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"Anyone that comments on the thread is automatically staff.
Send an 'email' to your 'collegues'
We have some important delivery's and loads to take care off.
Make it professionally rude and naughty. "
I don’t have to pretend, this is my life   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All staff are reminded that dumping their load in the rear bay is strictly against management policy. The front bay will be used at all times except with express permission and prior notice. Any breaches will invoke severe disciplinary proceedings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To All
We require skilled large load drivers for a convoy.
We have a classified NASA load to deliver. All we can reveal at this stage is that it is a highly sought after invention and is and at this point is priceless.
Drivers will need to be fit, alert and go the distance for a long time.
This is set to be a repeat performance for the foreseeable future.
Regards.
Salvage Dept. "
MEMO
Ms Petite Woman
Salvage Dept.,
Thank you for the advance notice concerning your need for a large load, driver. I understand multiple loads may be involved requiring more than one driver at a time?
I have contacted NASA for further details of their packages. Whilst they cannot provide full details owing to confidentiality, they have advised that the packages relate to their Phallus 5 booster rocket jointly developed with SpaceXXX. The packages are very long and have sensitive tips. The utmost care must therefore be taken otherwise they could “go off” at any moment if not handled correctly. The slightest vibration could set them off.
Our people therefore have to be very skilled in handling them to make sure that the loads reach their intended destinations safely. We cannot have them going off into valleys and such like. We also cannot have a rerun of the debacle we had last year when we thought we could save on costs by transporting 2000 gallons of Swarfega and 6000 dildos in the same consignment. This became an unmitigated disaster when our driver shed his load on the M25 because he was watching PornHub while driving! And I’m still trying to forget what happened the year before when we were asked to transport the heavy cream for the local dairy. The litigation is still ongoing.
We need to up our game this time around if we are to rise to the occasion. There will be on the job training for all staff involved and they must be hard at work at all times. There will be no slacking and certainly no lying down on the job.
Lastly, I also suggest that we, at logistics, plan a route that avoids taking the NASA packages into long tunnels where they could become stuck. I think we would all like to avoid the time and expense of having to come out to lubricate the stuck packages and then repeatedly and vigorously trying to move the packages in-and-out of the tunnels until they either work free from the tunnels or we lose our loads.
Kind regards,
Ben Derhover
Logistics |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
To All Drivers,
The practice of reversing on to a unit to couple with it, by way of accepting a load needs to be done carefully and slowly. Too many loads are being lost far too quickly as a result of over eager couplings. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
To: Packing Dept
From: Sandra
Hi
Can someone show me the ropes?
.........................
To : Sandra
From: Packing Department
Fraid Not (get it) we are all tied up right now.
No seriously, we’ve been robbed.....send help, STAT.
Ps. I typed this with my penis. Soz. |
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