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Best put downs....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When people comment on me being a fat bastard I always reply saying I'm only this fat because every time I fuck their mother she gives me a cookie - if they are stupid it takes a while for them to get it..... |
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By *emmefatale OP Woman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"When people comment on me being a fat bastard I always reply saying I'm only this fat because every time I fuck their mother she gives me a cookie - if they are stupid it takes a while for them to get it....."
lmao..good one  |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
My the 13 to son to an ugly skank girl giving him grief about his glasses at school .
"Yep I've got four eyes and your a stinky skank "
Son removes glasses
" you still an ugly skank "
Way to go son |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down"
or it could have been noel coward i think... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
or it could have been noel coward i think..."
It was Ivor Novello who sent the tickets to Noel Coward, and Coward who sent the 'incisive' reply.....
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
or it could have been noel coward i think...
It was Ivor Novello who sent the tickets to Noel Coward, and Coward who sent the 'incisive' reply.....
"
that may be so but happened to Winnie too. just looked it up and it was actually George Bernard Shaw inviting him to first night of 'Pygmalion' |
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By *eavenNhellCouple
over a year ago
carrbrook stalybridge |
"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down"
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning " |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning " "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'."
^^ which in itself is a sly put down  |
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By *acreadCouple
over a year ago
central scotland |
Mary Whitehouse said to Bernard Manning why do you have to tell filthy jokes Tom Oconnor has never told a dirty joke in his life.
Bernards reply. Listen mrs Tom Oconnor has never told a joke in his bloody life. |
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'."
Do you really need to constantly pull people up on their grammar and spelling?
It's almost a daily occurance and it's frankly looking rather childish. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
Nan - The Catherine Tate Show. Describing an encounter with an overweight hospital volunteer: "She said to me last time, 'You look bored, Mrs Taylor. I've got three words for you: Barbara Taylor Bradford.' So I said, 'Yeah? I've got three words for you too: calorie controlled diet."' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'.
Do you really need to constantly pull people up on their grammar and spelling?
It's almost a daily occurance and it's frankly looking rather childish."
I love the way Jane misspelt 'occurrence' on purpose in order to draw them in and elicit a pedantic response |
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'.
Do you really need to constantly pull people up on their grammar and spelling?
It's almost a daily occurance and it's frankly looking rather childish.
I love the way Jane misspelt 'occurrence' on purpose in order to draw them in and elicit a pedantic response "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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While I was at College the resident gobshite decided to make his mouth go by telling a lass that she'd 'be gorgeous if she had someone else's head'. Her very large boyfriend heard, smacked him in the mouth and knocked his front tooth out. Deserved I'd say. |
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By *UNCHBOXMan
over a year ago
folkestone |
Cricket players are some of the best at put downs when they sledge each other during matches. I think one the best one is;
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes – who was just missing each ball. McGrath, frustrated, went to him and inquired: “Why are you so fat?”Quick as a flash, Brandes replied, “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'."
Fuck off back to the sewage farm, they're missing a bag of shit! |
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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago
Outskirts of Notts |
when I get a cheesy prat try and chat me up my favourite is to say loud enough for people to hear
' Are you trying to chat me up if you are don't bother '
the usual reply is ' why not '
to which my reply said loud enough again ' because I already have one twat in my knickers thank you ' |
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By *o-jCouple
over a year ago
Outskirts of Notts |
"Cricket players are some of the best at put downs when they sledge each other during matches. I think one the best one is;
Aussie paceman Glenn McGrath was bowling to Zimbabwe number 11 Eddo Brandes – who was just missing each ball. McGrath, frustrated, went to him and inquired: “Why are you so fat?”Quick as a flash, Brandes replied, “Because every time I make love to your wife, she gives me a biscuit.”
"
My other half tells me this story EVERYTIME we play the aussies .... Mike Atherton was once called a cheating bastard by the aussie fielders to which he replyed ....When in rome |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As an outsider what do you think of the human race?
Grouchy Marx when asked to join the Variety Club: 'I wouldn't join a club that would have someone like me as a member'
And it was Churchill to Lady Astor who said 'Madam you are ugly'. She replied 'and you Sir are d*unk!' To which his put down was 'But Madam l shall be sober in the morning!'
"Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated" |
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Many years ago a lad down our street was getting some stick from the neighbours for some reason or other. I must have been about 11 years old...but this has stuck with me as a brilliant put down ever since.
" if I had a face like that I'd teach my arse to talk"!!! |
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"winston churchill
oscar wilde sent him 2 tickets for his opening night and said 'bring a friend if you have any'
to which winston replied 'sadly i have a prior engagement that night but will gladly conme to the second night, if there is one'
also
a lady once said to winston 'if you my husband winston, i would poison your tea'
to which he replied 'madam if you were my wife ,i would drink it'
an absolute star at the put down
mr churchill again
he was slighlty worse for the drink at a function when a grand old lady upbraided him for being d*unk his reply
"madame your ugly im d*unk i will be sober in the morning "
Actually it was 'madam YOU'RE d*unk'."
your profile name is innacurate, however,you MAY be a slut.
grammatically correct enough? |
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"My favourite when I worked behind a bar many years ago, if I was getting unwanted attention from a guy I used to tell him I was fed up, not hard up.  "
i got that when i gave a not to a girl at school.
i answered "the letter was for your mum, not you!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was trying to speak to quite a pretty women in a saunas once at a club, she had some massive au natural breasts, clearly she wasn't interested in me, but instead of the polite "sorry not interested" she acted a bit of a dick and informed me that her boyfriend will smash me, when I asked why, she simply replied because it will be funny.
well this was like a moth to a flame so i sat near her and sat calmly and as soon as her boyfriend come over, I piped up "oh this but be your massive cunt to match your tits". Don't think she was expecting that, and after a few words they fucked off. |
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By *acreadCouple
over a year ago
central scotland |
My mate was telling me about a guy on his works night out there was some mouthy bitch there and he says to her are you doing anything on Saturday she says to him no and he says Well stay in and wash your fucking hair then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Aah I see abuse is still the refuge of the witless..."
"Are those your legs or are you breaking them in for a friend?"
This wasn't a put down but Churchill quoting Oscar Wilde (I think) when addressing the US Congress:
"Two great Nations, divided by a common language .." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"your arse is so big i can save money on a new garage and park my bus there"
Or:
"Bend over I need to park my bike ..."
Or: "Madam can you please move your arse off the beach the tide is waiting to come in .." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your so fat when you go to the cinema you sit next to EVERYBODY !!!
You smell so bad you make onions cry !!
Have you got strong arms ?? You must have to of pulled yourself out the abortion bucket !!
Im so sorry i dont speak common...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nice to read some of Groucho's put downs how about this one:
"You've got the brains of a 4 year old and I bet they were glad to be rid of them"!!!
One of my favourite is by little remembered presidents Calvin Coolidge, a remarkably uncommunicative person for a president.
A woman went up to him and said she'd place a bet she could get three words out of him.
he replied simply.
"You lose"!!!! |
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Lol 