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I've started so I'll finish
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Does anybody else find that more and more you go to contribute an opinion to a thread... Type it out, and then think. "I just don't need the hassle" and delete it.? I'm finding myself do that more and more as the threads seem to be getting a bit hostile at times. Be friendly people! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree completely. Forums seem to be more active than ever and pretty much any post that isn’t jovial gets jumped on and before you know it you’re getting shit for expressing your opinion. Especially in the ‘serious’ forums. Nature of the beast I suppose |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Happens more and more for me OP - which is one reason I've posted less and less lately.
It never used to happen, I'd say whatever I thought and give my take on whatever the topic was, but it's got to the point that an opposing opinion is taken as being contentious or offensive far too often currently.
I also think the dynamic of the threads has changed a lot lately too, which may play into it - there are far more "social commentary" type threads than there ever were and with them has come virulently opposing sides on what is often a fairly subjective topic to the point that I often think it's not worth commenting as the extremes on either side are more interested in "winning" than finding a middle ground and agreement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not really. People love to be angry. See how the really controversial threads take off with angry people bashing at their keyboards.
It gets the blood flowing, raises the temperature. With people sat at home all day a bit of 'excitement' is good for them.
If the forums were just glitter and rainbows it would be like living in a musty old folk's home. |
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If I had a penny for everytime I do that I would be rich.
Some people just seem to like an argument, ask questions to aggravate, and generally like to wind people up. Others have neither the intelligence or understanding to try and see other people's points of view. It usually the same handful of people too. |
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"Not really. People love to be angry. See how the really controversial threads take off with angry people bashing at their keyboards.
It gets the blood flowing, raises the temperature. With people sat at home all day a bit of 'excitement' is good for them.
If the forums were just glitter and rainbows it would be like living in a musty old folk's home."
I partially agree but I think also somebody kicks of a silly thread which they think might be light hearted fun... I don't know... "who loves Big cocks?" or something and before you know there's a bun fight at the OK corral about Jeremy corbyn being a big cock and the tories being twats and what about trump... Kind of takes the air out of it.... I've been here about a year now and the tone of a lot of it seems to have changed... And anyone who doesn't agree is a... |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Not really. People love to be angry. See how the really controversial threads take off with angry people bashing at their keyboards.
It gets the blood flowing, raises the temperature. With people sat at home all day a bit of 'excitement' is good for them.
If the forums were just glitter and rainbows it would be like living in a musty old folk's home."
Agree on the glitter and rainbows, but think there's a middle ground between the two that has been lost.
You and I have been on opposing sides of the fence, but still maintaining respect without resorting to anger and virulent indignation, often enough to know it can be done  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't need friendly ppl who agree with me because they want to be loved and appreciated with everyone and anyone, I need to be challenged on some of my views |
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"Happens more and more for me OP - which is one reason I've posted less and less lately.
It never used to happen, I'd say whatever I thought and give my take on whatever the topic was, but it's got to the point that an opposing opinion is taken as being contentious or offensive far too often currently.
I also think the dynamic of the threads has changed a lot lately too, which may play into it - there are far more "social commentary" type threads than there ever were and with them has come virulently opposing sides on what is often a fairly subjective topic to the point that I often think it's not worth commenting as the extremes on either side are more interested in "winning" than finding a middle ground and agreement."
I'm feeling the same way and stepping back a bit... Got to be fun right? |
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Definitely. Mostly when I see ignorance about what is happening and within hospitals right now when I'm living it and my mum is working in a makeshift second ITU they've created in the hospital she works in. It just makes me so angry but then I realise it's just not worth engaging with people who already think all us NHS staff are liars because they won't believe a thing I say anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No not at all I will always voice my opinion on a intersting forum subject or in real life.
There simply doesn't seem to be much lately thread wise to get involved in.
With us in lockdown I thought the forums would be busy but it's far from it, not sure why. |
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"Does anybody else find that more and more you go to contribute an opinion to a thread... Type it out, and then think. "I just don't need the hassle" and delete it.? I'm finding myself do that more and more as the threads seem to be getting a bit hostile at times. Be friendly people! "
My biggest frustration is sitting there and typing a response, deleting it rewriting it multiple times to get a balanced, intelligent and thoughtful response.
I might do this three or four times until I find the right words.
Post it and....
Some smart bugger has said exactly what I wanted to say in a short to the point sentence.
DOH !!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don't need friendly ppl who agree with me because they want to be loved and appreciated with everyone and anyone, I need to be challenged on some of my views "
*All of my views |
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"If I had a penny for everytime I do that I would be rich.
Some people just seem to like an argument, ask questions to aggravate, and generally like to wind people up. Others have neither the intelligence or understanding to try and see other people's points of view. It usually the same handful of people too."
The monty python argument sketch often comes to mind when I see some of the exchanges. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I certainly don't post as much as I have in the past, previous profiles etc...
And whilst I'm all for a good debate, and reading people's opinions I have found myself deleting my reply, because I simply cannot be b |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
I just post what pops into my head. I don’t always read properly and sometimes I answer things that haven’t actually been asked!
I don’t want to argue with strangers, life really is too short for that nonsense if I have depth of feeling about something then I will comment. I’m not here to change peoples minds or perceptions. I’m also grown up enough to accept we have different opinions and that’s ok |
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Many times - like triple the number of my actual posts.
I take a long time to construct a post and sometimes got hungry or sleepy or saw something interesting on TV or youtube or chatroom ( ) and gave up. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Happens more and more for me OP - which is one reason I've posted less and less lately.
It never used to happen, I'd say whatever I thought and give my take on whatever the topic was, but it's got to the point that an opposing opinion is taken as being contentious or offensive far too often currently.
I also think the dynamic of the threads has changed a lot lately too, which may play into it - there are far more "social commentary" type threads than there ever were and with them has come virulently opposing sides on what is often a fairly subjective topic to the point that I often think it's not worth commenting as the extremes on either side are more interested in "winning" than finding a middle ground and agreement.
I'm feeling the same way and stepping back a bit... Got to be fun right? "
I don't expect it to be "fun" all the time and actually have enjoyed some of the more serious threads in the past - but it's generally got to the point now where people are contentious for the sake of being contentious, offended for the sake of being offended etc
Am not pretending it was anywhere near perfect in the past but it's far worse currently |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Happens more and more for me OP - which is one reason I've posted less and less lately.
It never used to happen, I'd say whatever I thought and give my take on whatever the topic was, but it's got to the point that an opposing opinion is taken as being contentious or offensive far too often currently.
I also think the dynamic of the threads has changed a lot lately too, which may play into it - there are far more "social commentary" type threads than there ever were and with them has come virulently opposing sides on what is often a fairly subjective topic to the point that I often think it's not worth commenting as the extremes on either side are more interested in "winning" than finding a middle ground and agreement."
This is a good point. I’ve been guilty of it myself before where I’ve been drawn into this inane and unnecessary back and forth with someone, purely point scoring. See it all the time now in so many threads. Very rarely have I seen anyone concede a point or accept someone else’s view, or even bother try to understand why someone would hold the views they have. Too much ‘I’m right and you’re wrong and it’s not up for discussion’. Interesting podcast with Peter Hitchins and Brendan O Neil on YouTube at the minute, about the ‘show trial of the skeptics’ which covers what we’re discussing here nicely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pea soup.
There’s a perfect explanation of the current trend on this forum.
Everyone have the same opinions or we’ll jump on you, be nice, make it known that you’re being nice and milk it for all it’s worth.
Above any opinions you should just be kind.
If your opinion could possibly be taken badly by anyone or anything then you can’t have it publicly as it’s not being kind.
Just be kind.
Oh... and a rainbow emoji makes all posts kind.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Pea soup.
There’s a perfect explanation of the current trend on this forum.
Everyone have the same opinions or we’ll jump on you, be nice, make it known that you’re being nice and milk it for all it’s worth.
Above any opinions you should just be kind.
If your opinion could possibly be taken badly by anyone or anything then you can’t have it publicly as it’s not being kind.
Just be kind.
Oh... and a rainbow emoji makes all posts kind.
"
Perfectly put Sir 
Oh and here, have a rainbow for being so lovely   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does anybody else find that more and more you go to contribute an opinion to a thread... Type it out, and then think. "I just don't need the hassle" and delete it.? I'm finding myself do that more and more as the threads seem to be getting a bit hostile at times. Be friendly people! "
I think it means that you spend way too much time on the forum. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I think I've got to the point where 99.9% of the time I don't particularly care nor have the time to start typing a futile response.
People in the more debate style threads don't read the other, fail to see the nuances and the grey and woe betide the person who posts something you disagree with - then the ad hominem crap starts, whether that's on a status or a thread.
I can't really go in for the be nice movement either - the reality is most of those spouting that have displayed less than pleasant behaviour at some point or other.
Before, I'd have bitten gleefully and pointed out the absurdities of both sorts of the threads but now I don't even have the energy or desire to begin to type out a response. It doesn't change anything. |
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By *os19Man
over a year ago
Edmonton |
"Said before and I’ll say it again, if you haven’t got anything nice to say don’t say anything! "
. This is a good way to think but every so often you have a subject that maybe of interest to and your thoughts opinions are different to others or you are sharing your bad experience about something that everyone thinks is brilliant and some chose to reply + quotes trying to put you down.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I've got to the point where 99.9% of the time I don't particularly care nor have the time to start typing a futile response.
People in the more debate style threads don't read the other, fail to see the nuances and the grey and woe betide the person who posts something you disagree with - then the ad hominem crap starts, whether that's on a status or a thread.
I can't really go in for the be nice movement either - the reality is most of those spouting that have displayed less than pleasant behaviour at some point or other.
Before, I'd have bitten gleefully and pointed out the absurdities of both sorts of the threads but now I don't even have the energy or desire to begin to type out a response. It doesn't change anything."
Totally agree with this, hypocrisy is rife all over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I've got to the point where 99.9% of the time I don't particularly care nor have the time to start typing a futile response.
People in the more debate style threads don't read the other, fail to see the nuances and the grey and woe betide the person who posts something you disagree with - then the ad hominem crap starts, whether that's on a status or a thread.
I can't really go in for the be nice movement either - the reality is most of those spouting that have displayed less than pleasant behaviour at some point or other.
Before, I'd have bitten gleefully and pointed out the absurdities of both sorts of the threads but now I don't even have the energy or desire to begin to type out a response. It doesn't change anything."
Go Meli! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not really. People love to be angry. See how the really controversial threads take off with angry people bashing at their keyboards.
It gets the blood flowing, raises the temperature. With people sat at home all day a bit of 'excitement' is good for them.
If the forums were just glitter and rainbows it would be like living in a musty old folk's home.
I partially agree but I think also somebody kicks of a silly thread which they think might be light hearted fun... I don't know... "who loves Big cocks?" or something and before you know there's a bun fight at the OK corral about Jeremy corbyn being a big cock and the tories being twats and what about trump... Kind of takes the air out of it.... I've been here about a year now and the tone of a lot of it seems to have changed... And anyone who doesn't agree is a... "
How dare you slag off Trump, he's a misunderstood jenius!! And Corbyn bakes great cakes!!
Ha yeah like that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not really. People love to be angry. See how the really controversial threads take off with angry people bashing at their keyboards.
It gets the blood flowing, raises the temperature. With people sat at home all day a bit of 'excitement' is good for them.
If the forums were just glitter and rainbows it would be like living in a musty old folk's home.
Agree on the glitter and rainbows, but think there's a middle ground between the two that has been lost.
You and I have been on opposing sides of the fence, but still maintaining respect without resorting to anger and virulent indignation, often enough to know it can be done "
I genuinely would love an argument (chat) with you over a few coffees.
I think people are angry and scared and bored and it will take a long time for social interaction to recover.
I also think social interaction will be so much better when we're let out again. People will be happy to see people again.
I know these thoughts contradict. |
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Sorry, I don't buy the if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything movement.
If I was walking down the road and a kid was tying fireworks to a cat would you expect me to say "you're doing a fine job with those knots there kid, well done"... or just ignore it and say nothing?
Sometimes being kind isn't saying nothing, sometimes being kind is pointing out that something is a bad idea and can put someone in a dangerous situation.
Sometimes being kind is warning others that they are being taken advantage of.
There are so many situations where saying nothing, doing nothing, where thinking "not my problem" is actually quite fucking cruel. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
Yes I have done that a few times. Sometimes it's just not worth the agro. I don't get personal or insulting I think but if theirs is a viewpoint where I really don't agree with I tend to say something. Especially if someone has posted on something I wrote. Sometimes tho I basically just can't be arsed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry, I don't buy the if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything movement.
If I was walking down the road and a kid was tying fireworks to a cat would you expect me to say "you're doing a fine job with those knots there kid, well done"... or just ignore it and say nothing?
Sometimes being kind isn't saying nothing, sometimes being kind is pointing out that something is a bad idea and can put someone in a dangerous situation.
Sometimes being kind is warning others that they are being taken advantage of.
There are so many situations where saying nothing, doing nothing, where thinking "not my problem" is actually quite fucking cruel."
Also I feel that if people are constantly 'nice' it makes me not trust them. It's not normal. Everyone has shit days. Friends fall out, say shitty things then make up.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If a virtual slap in the face wakes them up to something it's worth it. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
I think people are angry and scared and bored and it will take a long time for social interaction to recover.
I also think social interaction will be so much better when we're let out again. People will be happy to see people again.
I know these thoughts contradict. "
They don't contradict - they complement each other
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"Sorry, I don't buy the if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything movement.
If I was walking down the road and a kid was tying fireworks to a cat would you expect me to say "you're doing a fine job with those knots there kid, well done"... or just ignore it and say nothing?
Sometimes being kind isn't saying nothing, sometimes being kind is pointing out that something is a bad idea and can put someone in a dangerous situation.
Sometimes being kind is warning others that they are being taken advantage of.
There are so many situations where saying nothing, doing nothing, where thinking "not my problem" is actually quite fucking cruel.
Also I feel that if people are constantly 'nice' it makes me not trust them. It's not normal. Everyone has shit days. Friends fall out, say shitty things then make up.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If a virtual slap in the face wakes them up to something it's worth it. "
Maybe, I mean I guess it depends on ones expectations. I signed up here to find like minded people to have fun with not to slapped in the face, virtually or otherwise (I think that would be a different site). |
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"Sorry, I don't buy the if you've nothing nice to say, don't say anything movement.
If I was walking down the road and a kid was tying fireworks to a cat would you expect me to say "you're doing a fine job with those knots there kid, well done"... or just ignore it and say nothing?
Sometimes being kind isn't saying nothing, sometimes being kind is pointing out that something is a bad idea and can put someone in a dangerous situation.
Sometimes being kind is warning others that they are being taken advantage of.
There are so many situations where saying nothing, doing nothing, where thinking "not my problem" is actually quite fucking cruel.
Also I feel that if people are constantly 'nice' it makes me not trust them. It's not normal. Everyone has shit days. Friends fall out, say shitty things then make up.
Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If a virtual slap in the face wakes them up to something it's worth it.
Maybe, I mean I guess it depends on ones expectations. I signed up here to find like minded people to have fun with not to slapped in the face, virtually or otherwise (I think that would be a different site). "
I think most if us did sign up with that expectation, an then we learnt that inside fabland there are the same beliefs, behaviours, prejudices etc as outside fabland. Some wonderful, some heinous, shocking and sickening. |
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I do this less recently...mainly because lately I can't even be bothered to type the response in the first place, I just eye roll and move on.
This apathy mainly stems from the trend of people being "offended" by debate...I've been called everything from opinionated to a downright nasty bitch just for voicing an opinion on here, and had pure vitriol spouted about me in private chat groups 
But I have too much self-awareness and pride to be as hypocritical as the "Be Nice" Brigade...and I can see the futility of stating an opinion when I can accurately predict what quite a few people will post on certain threads, and what the responses would be were I to post what I'm thinking.
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"I do this less recently...mainly because lately I can't even be bothered to type the response in the first place, I just eye roll and move on.
This apathy mainly stems from the trend of people being "offended" by debate...I've been called everything from opinionated to a downright nasty bitch just for voicing an opinion on here, and had pure vitriol spouted about me in private chat groups
But I have too much self-awareness and pride to be as hypocritical as the "Be Nice" Brigade...and I can see the futility of stating an opinion when I can accurately predict what quite a few people will post on certain threads, and what the responses would be were I to post what I'm thinking.
"
Very true, I have found myself "chumming" a bit the last few weeks to get the predictive "outraged of Twickenham" response... Time to hit pause I suspect. |
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I think a lot of it comes from the motivation behind it too.
I know I can be spikey and abrupt at times. Other times I can take the softly softly. A lot of the time it comes down to the who and how I perceive them.
There are times when I'll trickle things through, not coz I'm being a cunt but my intention is to lay out a few crumbs and let people work it out for themselves. I'll return with a question to their question, it may look confusing or like I'm being obtuse but the reason is for them to find their own answers. If someone points something out you don't always believe it, but if you work it out for yourself if then becomes your answer and your own thoughts. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Very true, I have found myself "chumming" a bit the last few weeks to get the predictive "outraged of Twickenham" response... Time to hit pause I suspect. "
When you find yourself lowering to others' levels for a predictable response it's definitely time to take a step back and ignore or move on.
I'll say things how I see them, and will usually provide balance and reasoning for my views, but there are some where it's just not even worth that because even if you agreed with them would find reason to argue otherwise. |
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