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Soul searching- Legacy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It might be heavy, so if you are feeling fragile, this is an official trigger warning about end of life topic.
Inspired by other two posts in the lounge, musing about what will be left of me when the time comes (for the lack of less pompous wording at this time!)...
What you hope you will be leaving behind? Not in a material sense. Emotionally, have you touched anyone's life in an inspiring way? I always was envious of musicians whose notes or lyrics stay with us behind their mortality, the ones who saved lives (kudos emergency services workers), turn them around for someone.. and then I wonder: have I done ENOUGH? And what is enough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've brought my children up to be strong, independent people with kind hearts.
That's enough for me.
"
I'm halfway there. I hope.
It grows your heart to see them being good people.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My life has been totally self sacrificial, nobody will be at my funeral, nobody will know that I have gone. I hate to impose on others, my legacy will be my lack of mourning by others. I went as I lived, anonymously. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It might be heavy, so if you are feeling fragile, this is an official trigger warning about end of life topic.
Inspired by other two posts in the lounge, musing about what will be left of me when the time comes (for the lack of less pompous wording at this time!)...
What you hope you will be leaving behind? Not in a material sense. Emotionally, have you touched anyone's life in an inspiring way? I always was envious of musicians whose notes or lyrics stay with us behind their mortality, the ones who saved lives (kudos emergency services workers), turn them around for someone.. and then I wonder: have I done ENOUGH? And what is enough. "
*beyond their mortality |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My life has been totally self sacrificial, nobody will be at my funeral, nobody will know that I have gone. I hate to impose on others, my legacy will be my lack of mourning by others. I went as I lived, anonymously."
Humbleness then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My life has been totally self sacrificial, nobody will be at my funeral, nobody will know that I have gone. I hate to impose on others, my legacy will be my lack of mourning by others. I went as I lived, anonymously.
Humbleness then?"
I'm happy with who I am, I dont feel the need to be mourned, I have had people in my life that I have emotionally touched, just knowing that on occasion I'm in their thoughts as they are in mine means I've made an impact and a difference. That's enough for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My life has been totally self sacrificial, nobody will be at my funeral, nobody will know that I have gone. I hate to impose on others, my legacy will be my lack of mourning by others. I went as I lived, anonymously.
Humbleness then?
I'm happy with who I am, I dont feel the need to be mourned, I have had people in my life that I have emotionally touched, just knowing that on occasion I'm in their thoughts as they are in mine means I've made an impact and a difference. That's enough for me."
I need to think more about it. But its an interesting concept.. its like making sure in advance that people are not left behind too heartbroken by your loss? Sorry if I interpreted that wrong. |
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The last few weeks I've had first hand experience of how someone can touch others lives with the death of my brother and the number of messages, tributes and best wishes that I've received on his behalf.
When it's my time if there is even half the outpouring then I've certainly made a difference.
As for my own legacy, I hope to get back involved with rugby league when we are allowed and I always threw myself at my work within that sport, both paid and voluntary. I've made memories on rugby tours too.
My day jobs over the last 20 years have seen me help people directly and that's what I like, being able to have a largely positive effect where I can. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess authors books live on forever and artists works too which must touch lives for generations.
I have made some charity films out in Malawi and films for organisations helping the homeless. I hope that I have touched the lives of a small number of people for the better. Ultimately when my time comes I hope that on the balance of things I have helped more than I have hindered. Id settle for that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The last few weeks I've had first hand experience of how someone can touch others lives with the death of my brother and the number of messages, tributes and best wishes that I've received on his behalf.
When it's my time if there is even half the outpouring then I've certainly made a difference.
As for my own legacy, I hope to get back involved with rugby league when we are allowed and I always threw myself at my work within that sport, both paid and voluntary. I've made memories on rugby tours too.
My day jobs over the last 20 years have seen me help people directly and that's what I like, being able to have a largely positive effect where I can."
It's brilliant helping others. Helps direct your pain into something fruitful too. I am sorry you lost your brother and I hope these messages continue to bring you comfort in a grieving process. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My life has been totally self sacrificial, nobody will be at my funeral, nobody will know that I have gone. I hate to impose on others, my legacy will be my lack of mourning by others. I went as I lived, anonymously.
Humbleness then?
I'm happy with who I am, I dont feel the need to be mourned, I have had people in my life that I have emotionally touched, just knowing that on occasion I'm in their thoughts as they are in mine means I've made an impact and a difference. That's enough for me.
I need to think more about it. But its an interesting concept.. its like making sure in advance that people are not left behind too heartbroken by your loss? Sorry if I interpreted that wrong. "
I just never impose on people. I would rather starve than ask for help, rather close myself off than let people see the inner me and part of that is me being hurt by letting others in and suffering the loss of loved ones. I dont ever want to impose that pain on others as its horrible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess authors books live on forever and artists works too which must touch lives for generations.
I have made some charity films out in Malawi and films for organisations helping the homeless. I hope that I have touched the lives of a small number of people for the better. Ultimately when my time comes I hope that on the balance of things I have helped more than I have hindered. Id settle for that"
You seem to actively trying to tip the scales towards goodness. Nobody should be homeless.. deprived of that basic safety.. so that's some tremendous work just there.. |
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"The last few weeks I've had first hand experience of how someone can touch others lives with the death of my brother and the number of messages, tributes and best wishes that I've received on his behalf.
When it's my time if there is even half the outpouring then I've certainly made a difference.
As for my own legacy, I hope to get back involved with rugby league when we are allowed and I always threw myself at my work within that sport, both paid and voluntary. I've made memories on rugby tours too.
My day jobs over the last 20 years have seen me help people directly and that's what I like, being able to have a largely positive effect where I can.
It's brilliant helping others. Helps direct your pain into something fruitful too. I am sorry you lost your brother and I hope these messages continue to bring you comfort in a grieving process. X"
They certainly do. Work have been great and I know they would have given me more time but after a week I wanted to be back at it, helping people where I can and bringing in a new normal for me.
The world is never going to be the same again and I know grief will hit me at the oddest times but as I said elsewhere tonight I'm being kind to myself and I was able to pick myself up from the shock and lift away from the potential depression and put that into more positive areas which I'm proud of myself for... although the sleep patterns are still all over the place. |
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I don't have any genetic children, I'm estranged from my siblings families. I've not made music, or created artworks, or starred in movies. I guess that fifty years after I've gone I'll have left no trace on earth. Hopefully though at least for a little while i might be remembered with regard by some of those whose lives i have touched. I think that if in some way I've managed to make a positive contribution, and leave the world a slightly better place than when i entered it, then that would be good enough. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I just never impose on people. I would rather starve than ask for help, rather close myself off than let people see the inner me and part of that is me being hurt by letting others in and suffering the loss of loved ones. I dont ever want to impose that pain on others as its horrible."
"Out" is safer, that's true. "In" comes with closeness and when it's gone, there is an emptiness. Sometimes we just get too tired of patching that hole. And cave is a friendlier environment than most think. But mostly secure. Secure in the knowledge of not making someone's life empty eventually. Too risky, even at the price of any good moments proceeding it. I am grasping it I think.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
They certainly do. Work have been great and I know they would have given me more time but after a week I wanted to be back at it, helping people where I can and bringing in a new normal for me.
The world is never going to be the same again and I know grief will hit me at the oddest times but as I said elsewhere tonight I'm being kind to myself and I was able to pick myself up from the shock and lift away from the potential depression and put that into more positive areas which I'm proud of myself for... although the sleep patterns are still all over the place."
This takes a lot of strength. And may this feeling last for you, being brave despite it all. And shoo to insomnia, that's crap..  |
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"
They certainly do. Work have been great and I know they would have given me more time but after a week I wanted to be back at it, helping people where I can and bringing in a new normal for me.
The world is never going to be the same again and I know grief will hit me at the oddest times but as I said elsewhere tonight I'm being kind to myself and I was able to pick myself up from the shock and lift away from the potential depression and put that into more positive areas which I'm proud of myself for... although the sleep patterns are still all over the place.
This takes a lot of strength. And may this feeling last for you, being brave despite it all. And shoo to insomnia, that's crap.. "
Thank you, it is nice to have a different perspective and look at things differently, so for me this is a good thread. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't have any genetic children, I'm estranged from my siblings families. I've not made music, or created artworks, or starred in movies. I guess that fifty years after I've gone I'll have left no trace on earth. Hopefully though at least for a little while i might be remembered with regard by some of those whose lives i have touched. I think that if in some way I've managed to make a positive contribution, and leave the world a slightly better place than when i entered it, then that would be good enough."
These are ..let's call them.. the typical legacies.. I started this topic knowing it will be a painful one in some ways to reflect on. I would like to think there is always at least one person in everyone's life.. who will recall us in their old days.. maybe then share a story with their closed ones. And we live on somewhat with their fondness of that moment spent with us.. But what if legacy isn't the end of it all really (!). What if we just cherish today. Memories do slip away from us anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
They certainly do. Work have been great and I know they would have given me more time but after a week I wanted to be back at it, helping people where I can and bringing in a new normal for me.
The world is never going to be the same again and I know grief will hit me at the oddest times but as I said elsewhere tonight I'm being kind to myself and I was able to pick myself up from the shock and lift away from the potential depression and put that into more positive areas which I'm proud of myself for... although the sleep patterns are still all over the place.
This takes a lot of strength. And may this feeling last for you, being brave despite it all. And shoo to insomnia, that's crap..
Thank you, it is nice to have a different perspective and look at things differently, so for me this is a good thread."
Thank you. I wasn't sure it's more damaging than helpful. That's reassuring. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Our legacy, that its better than we started, for our families, or a broader sense mankind, ( i haven't harmed anyone and i hope to have made someone smile)"
Oh your music always makes me smile Bill. 
Ps. Is it really better though than since we started? You mean as a generation or humans? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As things stand now I have a mother who I'm close to and a brother i haven't spoken to in years.
Its often said that we die twice... once when our heart stops beating and finally when the last person left who knew us speaks our name.
What will outlive me are the projects I've welded over the years.
Last year I welded a large flask to contain nuclear waste which in the design brief has to last a minimum of 200yrs, funny thought that my work will be around long after I've gone so I welded my name inside which I do often |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As far as personal influence i do try to inspire people with positivity.
I'm a stage 4 cancer survivor and doctors and specialists all gave me less than 6 months to live. That diagnosis was given 31yrs ago next week and it was my positivity plus a fuck 'em attitude that got me through it.
I know I've helped instil that in other sufferers with my story including a couple of forumites but sadly not my son. If you've read my other posts tonight you'll understand what that means.
A month ago today I insisted another fab member rang for an ambulance because I didn't like the sound of her pain of heartburn, she didn't want to but did because she thought it was nothing.
She was having a heart attack and had surgery the next day. Had she have not listened to me then who knows..?
Its the positive things we do in our living years that makes a difference to others and I'd be quite happy to be remembered for that... |
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I dont even want to contemplate this to be quite honest. I have....
I have metastatic breast cancer in my bones, diagnosed in Sep 20. Had BC in 2017.
All I really want is get my 2 kids (aged 11 & 12 now) to 18. I do not want them raised by their extreme narcissistic father...he will destroy them completely if I am not around.
That will hopefully be my legacy. Anything more than that would be amazing.
MsD |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" I'm going to say yes for mankind, even with all the terrible things we have done, as a generation we have improved, thank you t-rosefor all you do "
I'm not sure we are so deserving as a mankind. 
I do nothing at all Bill. |
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I don’t think we get to decide what our own legacy is, that’s for other people to decide. The actions I have taken in this world will trouble me not in the next, but whilst I still walk this world, I will do so with kindness and empathy.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope I'll leave behind an amazing and strong family with so many special memories and so much happiness. And it might not be much to others or make a huge difference to the world, but knowing I have done right by those I love will mean I can die happy and be happy with my legacy. 
I know to some people they want more than that, and some people don't really care and want nothing at all, but honestly, to raise my children in a happy environment with memories and love will be more than enough for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've brought my children up to be strong, independent people with kind hearts.
That's enough for me.
"
This absolutely.
I have looked after thousands of children and supported their families over a 25 year time span, I hope I have made a little difference to some somewhere |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"As far as personal influence i do try to inspire people with positivity.
I'm a stage 4 cancer survivor and doctors and specialists all gave me less than 6 months to live. That diagnosis was given 31yrs ago next week and it was my positivity plus a fuck 'em attitude that got me through it.
I know I've helped instil that in other sufferers with my story including a couple of forumites but sadly not my son. If you've read my other posts tonight you'll understand what that means.
A month ago today I insisted another fab member rang for an ambulance because I didn't like the sound of her pain of heartburn, she didn't want to but did because she thought it was nothing.
She was having a heart attack and had surgery the next day. Had she have not listened to me then who knows..?
Its the positive things we do in our living years that makes a difference to others and I'd be quite happy to be remembered for that... "
I wish we could save everyone.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"As things stand now I have a mother who I'm close to and a brother i haven't spoken to in years.
Its often said that we die twice... once when our heart stops beating and finally when the last person left who knew us speaks our name.
What will outlive me are the projects I've welded over the years.
Last year I welded a large flask to contain nuclear waste which in the design brief has to last a minimum of 200yrs, funny thought that my work will be around long after I've gone so I welded my name inside which I do often "
I like the story of welding your name in your project. sentimental markings.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I dont even want to contemplate this to be quite honest. I have....
I have metastatic breast cancer in my bones, diagnosed in Sep 20. Had BC in 2017.
All I really want is get my 2 kids (aged 11 & 12 now) to 18. I do not want them raised by their extreme narcissistic father...he will destroy them completely if I am not around.
That will hopefully be my legacy. Anything more than that would be amazing.
MsD"
I wish you all the strength. And hope you are OK after reading this and poking these thoughts..
Similar reasoning keeps me going too.. I might not be perfect role model, broken and battered, but the less they see him as one.. the better for society.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is it Buddhism where they say ‘first do no harm’ ? I’d like to think I’ve never done anything so bad or harmful it will linger on after my departure.
Otherwise I hope I’ve been a good Dad, friend and family member although that’s for others to say and I’m sure I can still improve.
I’ve also been kind to animals, especially dogs. In Zoroastrianism dogs are sacred and when you die all the dog’s you’ve owned meet you in heaven. That’ll do for me !
And at my funeral they can play Marvin Gaye’s If I Should Die Tonight |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My kids may miss me from time to time , but they don't need me anymore, which is good. I fully expect my obituary to read 'Who?'"
The other night I was reading funny obituaries. It could be worse. It could be something like you won't be missed at all..
Which I'm sure won't be the case for you.. probably they do need you still, just in different ways. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t think we get to decide what our own legacy is, that’s for other people to decide. The actions I have taken in this world will trouble me not in the next, but whilst I still walk this world, I will do so with kindness and empathy.
"
What you wrote could make a good mantra. I will save that. Thank you.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hope I'll leave behind an amazing and strong family with so many special memories and so much happiness. And it might not be much to others or make a huge difference to the world, but knowing I have done right by those I love will mean I can die happy and be happy with my legacy.
I know to some people they want more than that, and some people don't really care and want nothing at all, but honestly, to raise my children in a happy environment with memories and love will be more than enough for me."
aren't they lucky to have you as a mum. . |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've brought my children up to be strong, independent people with kind hearts.
That's enough for me.
This absolutely.
I have looked after thousands of children and supported their families over a 25 year time span, I hope I have made a little difference to some somewhere "
In such a long time you must have had a great impact.. and inspired new beginnings.. I admire that you stayed in the same industry and still have passion for your work after such a long time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is it Buddhism where they say ‘first do no harm’ ? I’d like to think I’ve never done anything so bad or harmful it will linger on after my departure.
Otherwise I hope I’ve been a good Dad, friend and family member although that’s for others to say and I’m sure I can still improve.
I’ve also been kind to animals, especially dogs. In Zoroastrianism dogs are sacred and when you die all the dog’s you’ve owned meet you in heaven. That’ll do for me !
And at my funeral they can play Marvin Gaye’s If I Should Die Tonight "
Marvin Gaye..excellent choice. Can I steal it for my funeral? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And at my funeral they can play Marvin Gaye’s If I Should Die Tonight
Marvin Gaye..excellent choice. Can I steal it for my funeral? "
Of course, but not for many, many years. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
And at my funeral they can play Marvin Gaye’s If I Should Die Tonight
Marvin Gaye..excellent choice. Can I steal it for my funeral?
Of course, but not for many, many years. "
Oh I do like my music lists. That's all.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And at my funeral they can play Marvin Gaye’s If I Should Die Tonight
Marvin Gaye..excellent choice. Can I steal it for my funeral?
Of course, but not for many, many years.
Oh I do like my music lists. That's all.. "
The song is yours today but hopefully not for your funeral for a long time! Although it’s about death I also find it very uplifting. |
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