FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > The Vanilla life.
The Vanilla life.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How do you view it? I intend to leave the swinging world after lockdown and find myself a good, vanilla relationship. I've loved every minute of the club scene both as a couple and a single. Do you ever see yourself leaving the scene? Do you leave, take breaks or come and go (No pun intended) |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Vanilla to me is just the absence of any kind of kink/fetish, and not limited to being part of a community or scene.
Therefore, while I could leave the swinging scene I could never go back to a point where sex does not involve some elements of kink, even if thats just a few bum spanks during doggy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Vanilla to me is just the absence of any kind of kink/fetish, and not limited to being part of a community or scene.
Therefore, while I could leave the swinging scene I could never go back to a point where sex does not involve some elements of kink, even if thats just a few bum spanks during doggy. "
Agree with this, I could never settle for mundane, in/out pre-planned sex ever again, it would be a deal breaker but a good sex relationship where my partner was open to my enjoyments, and I to hers. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends."
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I predict I will be hormonal disaster during menopause so maybe then.. 
You make a great point, something us males overlook so thank you."
Well there is an andropause too.
It was a bit tongue in cheek. Do you think it will ever be pure vanilla life? Or some elements will remain? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I predict I will be hormonal disaster during menopause so maybe then..
You make a great point, something us males overlook so thank you.
Well there is an andropause too.
It was a bit tongue in cheek. Do you think it will ever be pure vanilla life? Or some elements will remain? "
I will always need great and experimental sex, and if she is bi-curious she will have my every agreement to date or sleep with ladies as she wishes. I'm all about not having regrets, and if my partners has desires to be fulfilled then I would never object. Same as if she wanted to enter the scene for an MFM. But I would be happy with just MF for life. |
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about."
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I come and go from the scene, a lot but that is due to very low self belief that anyone would like to get to know me. Yes I may be the big joker on the outside but on the inside I am a huge softie who does, will and always look out for those I count as friends and those I hold dear. This outlook has lead to a lot of heartache and loss over the years of being in the scene, in my life. However I will always try my utmost to be there for those that I love and care about, and those that are kind to me.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar "
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and no maybe depends if she’s worth me give up natalie for if not then probably never leave it
Or In less she accepteds natalie but in the past it’s never went well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/01/21 01:15:11]
Could you not find a lady that embraces your choices? "
That’s why I removed post to put that in
And hopefully one off the things I look for on hear |
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!"
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes and no maybe depends if she’s worth me give up natalie for if not then probably never leave it
Or In less she accepteds natalie but in the past it’s never went well "
Well if its any consolation I know many real life couples where the guy is also a lady and the wife embraces and encourages it, but non of them are on fab. I really hope you find your perfect partner. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing..."
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes and no maybe depends if she’s worth me give up natalie for if not then probably never leave it
Or In less she accepteds natalie but in the past it’s never went well
Well if its any consolation I know many real life couples where the guy is also a lady and the wife embraces and encourages it, but non of them are on fab. I really hope you find your perfect partner."
Aww thank you so much x |
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual."
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think the non vanilla life is almost a trademark of mine at this point, always been a sensual and dominant person in the bedroom (and in other rooms) I'm pretty selfless in terms of sex, so aiming to always bring the apex of pleasure is more important to me. Then to them. So be a long time till I retire to vanilla. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a lifer.
Finding kink felt like coming home.
More and more recently I feel like monogamy doesn't make any sense to me.
The idea of a totally conventional/traditional/monogamous/vanilla relationship makes me feel depressed! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual.
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances?"
I would certainly offer the other person the freedom to be satisfied or the option to walk away guilt free. I think swingers understand others needs more than vanilla people, possibly why so many vanilla relationships fail over sex |
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual.
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances?
I would certainly offer the other person the freedom to be satisfied or the option to walk away guilt free. I think swingers understand others needs more than vanilla people, possibly why so many vanilla relationships fail over sex"
Do you? I'm thinking about that but I'm not sure I agree. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual.
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances?
I would certainly offer the other person the freedom to be satisfied or the option to walk away guilt free. I think swingers understand others needs more than vanilla people, possibly why so many vanilla relationships fail over sex
Do you? I'm thinking about that but I'm not sure I agree."
I required an Op for 2 years and was in agony. My drive took a big dip and I had that conversation. She chose not to stray as I still 'assisted' her, I just couldn't fuck. She did admit that another few months and she would of found somebody else. I appreciated her honesty. |
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual.
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances?
I would certainly offer the other person the freedom to be satisfied or the option to walk away guilt free. I think swingers understand others needs more than vanilla people, possibly why so many vanilla relationships fail over sex
Do you? I'm thinking about that but I'm not sure I agree.
I required an Op for 2 years and was in agony. My drive took a big dip and I had that conversation. She chose not to stray as I still 'assisted' her, I just couldn't fuck. She did admit that another few months and she would of found somebody else. I appreciated her honesty."
That's fair enough, honesty is what's needed I think.
We've been together 40 years, neither of us would leave over sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think we will always be how we are now. Open to being sexual with other people. Not necessarily having sex but happy to be in an erotic environment with friends.
Its great that you both fit together so well and the scene suits you. Its a rare thing for both in a couple to be completely at ease with each other and swinging, I find lots of couples have one as a more dominant force and the other is a willing passenger, but at some point the passenger always wants to get off whilst the driver still wants to bomb about.
Lol. I don't know if we qualify as swingers as such it's just that our off fab friends would run away very fast if we invited them to dinner and I served the starter wearing heels, a corset and a collar
You may be surprised, one of my ex Wife's friends found out as the former couldn't hold her tongue, she invited us for dinner and when we turned up she had no knickers, and handed me the remote in front of my wife for her love egg. Twas a fun night!
I really wouldn't. One friend I know used to have an "interesting" sex life with her ex husband but the others are so buttoned up its unreal . One of them won't go outside with her arms showing...
Wow, some people are really just not sexual. A sexual desire is something I need in a partner, and as unpopular as it is to say on Fab, its a deal breaker for me in a relationship not to be sexual.
Yeah I think that's true for a lot of people. How would you feel if it was you who became the one unable or unwilling to be sexual for any reason? Would you break off a relationship under those circumstances?
I would certainly offer the other person the freedom to be satisfied or the option to walk away guilt free. I think swingers understand others needs more than vanilla people, possibly why so many vanilla relationships fail over sex
Do you? I'm thinking about that but I'm not sure I agree.
I required an Op for 2 years and was in agony. My drive took a big dip and I had that conversation. She chose not to stray as I still 'assisted' her, I just couldn't fuck. She did admit that another few months and she would of found somebody else. I appreciated her honesty."
That's one reason I'd never date anyone off here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Technically, I’ve not joined it yet as I’ve not met anyone.
I’ve no idea what the future holds, though. Playing solo as I am, the odds aren’t really in my favour; if this goes nowhere, I might just stop although that resigns me to a DIY sex life.
Nor do I know what will happen when/if my wife stops playing on her scene, especially if I were active at that point.
Time will tell, I guess! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not really a swinger as I'm not involved in the scene - clubs etc ..
I'm here because I'm single and like sex.
I doubt I'll be in any sort of relationship again - vanilla or otherwise.
But life happens and I'll never say never 
I'll probably dip in and out of here until my mojo does a runner |
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"Being a swinger is like being a "crack addict" haha 
You can leave, but deep down we both know you'll be back  "
Hahaha....that’s a very heavy comparison.
Always thought of myself a sex addict
I’d like to meet a woman and settle into a relationship and occasionally visit the scene with her.
I enjoy sex so much that it would be a huge part of a stable relationship.
J |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I couldn't do a vanilla relationship, I'd become bored and frustrated. I'm happy with monogamy, in fact I'm more suited to it than swinging, but a lack of kink and sexual curiosity in a partner wouldn't suit at all. If I was wanting a relationship I don't think meeting someone in real life or on typical dating sites would work. Having been on here, attended clubs (even just the twice) and general sex site experiences would not make me an appealing relationship prospect for a vanilla man, and I have no interest in people who would judge anyone else for exploring their sexuality. I couldn't conceal it either, I'd have to be open about having been on here.
I don't expect to ever find anyone who would be compatible with me in all the ways that matter, which I'm perfectly content with. I'd much rather be alone than in an unsatisfactory relationship. In the unlikely event that someone does come along and ticks all the boxes I wouldn't push the opportunity away, but I am happy enough with my situation to not go searching for a relationship.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would never want a relationship that was built on mainly sex because things can change around that for both parties ... I would think it to be an awful stigma held over a relationship that if one person fell ill the other would leave or stray or look to others to be fulfilled, just wouldn't work for me I'm afraid!
I would want any relationship to be built on love, trust and respect first and foremost
I also don't do the whole 'vanilla' vs the scene thing either as some of the most sexual beings I have ever met haven't been in the scene and not interested in it at all! To be totally honest I never knew bad sex was a thing until I joined here hahahahahahahaha ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would never want a relationship that was built on mainly sex because things can change around that for both parties ... I would think it to be an awful stigma held over a relationship that if one person fell ill the other would leave or stray or look to others to be fulfilled, just wouldn't work for me I'm afraid!
I would want any relationship to be built on love, trust and respect first and foremost
I also don't do the whole 'vanilla' vs the scene thing either as some of the most sexual beings I have ever met haven't been in the scene and not interested in it at all! To be totally honest I never knew bad sex was a thing until I joined here hahahahahahahaha ... "
 |
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