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Soul searching - Desirability
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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On the top of the thread about reasons for removing people from the hotlist and various reply reply it.. a thought popped in my head- what makes someone desirable? Yes yes.. its up to individual. So I'm asking you, what makes someone desirable on fab and in real life, if you prefer?
Is desire same as attraction? Or is it the feeling which links with it? What makes us want someone more than others? Them wanting us?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate |
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Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That’s tough. Sometimes with just a few messages there’s a feeling of connection...it’s not the physicality of someone...but the characteristics nothing set in stone but something that just clicks! Wouldn’t it be great to have a formula?!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate "
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In real life its physical attraction that gets the intial interest but its humour, intellec and desire that keep you there.
On Fab its big tits.
Jx "
Yes. I feel its step further. I can appreciate beauty of many people but that doesn't equal I desire them near me. |
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"The foundation of it is compatability for me, if we get on really well then all the other pieces just fall into place
You don't desire opposites ? "
No. I like men the same as me, I like a challenge |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
"
A friend of mine used to correspond online with a woman, had great connection. When they met, he couldn't get past her looks in real life. Its a sad development. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"That’s tough. Sometimes with just a few messages there’s a feeling of connection...it’s not the physicality of someone...but the characteristics nothing set in stone but something that just clicks! Wouldn’t it be great to have a formula?! "
There isn't one scenario which always worked for me. Sometimes, as you said, it can be instant and quite overpowering or more slowly burning flame.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think once I know their body a bit more and how we work together then they become madly desirable. I also have to be compatible brain wise, climb inside their head and their bed |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The foundation of it is compatability for me, if we get on really well then all the other pieces just fall into place
You don't desire opposites ?
No. I like men the same as me, I like a challenge "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think once I know their body a bit more and how we work together then they become madly desirable. I also have to be compatible brain wise, climb inside their head and their bed "
Climb inside their head.. 
Feast on the words and apprehend their desires. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Different things attract me, and I find different things desirable.
On the whole, a nice smile, eyes and kindness are the key to the initial attraction though. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Kindness, humour, left wing politics and cookies.
that's a nice, compact recipe!
I know what I like 
Your big penis?  does it fit criteria? "
I hope it bends to the left! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Our personalities have to align. Which is tricky as I can be quite odd.
A matching sense of humour is very attractive though, and because that (for me) is rare to find, that makes someone more desirable to me.
Obviously it’s more complex than that, but that is the bare bones of it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch"
Those things are cheap |
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For us, It's a mixture of things, the main one being.. chemistry. physical attraction can develop overtime based on chemistry with the person/people.
I could sit here and list a bunch of things that would make me NOT hotlist somebody xD but we've only got like.. 10-20 people on ours, I think we're quite picky! xD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost |
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Good point, can be easy to confuse the two.
I'd consider us somewhat sapiosexual in the sense of, if I thought somebody was a cretin.. no matter how hot they were, I wouldn't be able to muster the team.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can find people attractive without desiring them. Desiring connects for me at a much more soulful level, Their words will resonate so frequently and so strongly that I feel an energy surge in different parts of my body. They can touch my heart and cause me to feel more fully. We understand each other and talk candidly, authentically and often humorously. Their smile warms me and causes me to smile and their pictures arouse my sexual energy. At that point I know I desire them and really want to meet them.
In the current environment our friendship develops and deepens online perhaps more than it might have done in the past if we could easily meet socially. The challenge is the online world is quite different to in the flesh, so it may not always translate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost"
Oh interesting distinction, the words have different meanings for you to me..... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Different things attract me, and I find different things desirable.
On the whole, a nice smile, eyes and kindness are the key to the initial attraction though."
It's what last beyond that initial spark, I am trying to deconstruct |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive."
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Our personalities have to align. Which is tricky as I can be quite odd.
A matching sense of humour is very attractive though, and because that (for me) is rare to find, that makes someone more desirable to me.
Obviously it’s more complex than that, but that is the bare bones of it."
Bones can come in different packages, but I understand the need to be able to laugh at the same things. Laughter brings people together. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There was likely a physical attraction to start chatting in the first place, but without some meeting of minds, it's going nowhere..."
Yes. This is the challenge on here. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"An amalgamation of face, character, the way they treat other people, the conversation and finally-if I get to meet them-the way they walk and talk.
"
They walk the talk? |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Different things attract me, and I find different things desirable.
On the whole, a nice smile, eyes and kindness are the key to the initial attraction though.
It's what last beyond that initial spark, I am trying to deconstruct"
I wish I could be more helpful, but genuinely have no real answer, as it's been different things each time for me. |
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"I can find people attractive without desiring them. Desiring connects for me at a much more soulful level, Their words will resonate so frequently and so strongly that I feel an energy surge in different parts of my body. They can touch my heart and cause me to feel more fully. We understand each other and talk candidly, authentically and often humorously. Their smile warms me and causes me to smile and their pictures arouse my sexual energy. At that point I know I desire them and really want to meet them.
In the current environment our friendship develops and deepens online perhaps more than it might have done in the past if we could easily meet socially. The challenge is the online world is quite different to in the flesh, so it may not always translate."
The first part of that Doc is so right  |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost"
I have to agree with this.
Sometimes I look at women on here and want to do all kinds of things to their bodies, but I wouldn't say I was attracted to them.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"An amalgamation of face, character, the way they treat other people, the conversation and finally-if I get to meet them-the way they walk and talk.
They walk the talk? "
Yes, they have to walk the talk |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For us, It's a mixture of things, the main one being.. chemistry. physical attraction can develop overtime based on chemistry with the person/people.
I could sit here and list a bunch of things that would make me NOT hotlist somebody xD but we've only got like.. 10-20 people on ours, I think we're quite picky! xD "
I think its not healthy long way to think of what we do NOT want and creating that negative agenda in our head. A little mindmap of positive qualities is preferable. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost"
That's interesting. Being desired by many is an obstacle? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have two people on my list, one i've only "talked " to in the forums, the other we've message'd each as friends, never met, and most likely won't, but the desire is there"
It's a desire you keep in a "drawer". Reminds me of the the cabinet full of butterflies emerging from chrysalis I saw at the zoo. But they won't get to fly unless someone open the door |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Good point, can be easy to confuse the two.
I'd consider us somewhat sapiosexual in the sense of, if I thought somebody was a cretin.. no matter how hot they were, I wouldn't be able to muster the team.
"
Yes that would be a challenge.. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I can find people attractive without desiring them. Desiring connects for me at a much more soulful level, Their words will resonate so frequently and so strongly that I feel an energy surge in different parts of my body. They can touch my heart and cause me to feel more fully. We understand each other and talk candidly, authentically and often humorously. Their smile warms me and causes me to smile and their pictures arouse my sexual energy. At that point I know I desire them and really want to meet them.
In the current environment our friendship develops and deepens online perhaps more than it might have done in the past if we could easily meet socially. The challenge is the online world is quite different to in the flesh, so it may not always translate."
So wholesome. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I can find people attractive without desiring them. Desiring connects for me at a much more soulful level, Their words will resonate so frequently and so strongly that I feel an energy surge in different parts of my body. They can touch my heart and cause me to feel more fully. We understand each other and talk candidly, authentically and often humorously. Their smile warms me and causes me to smile and their pictures arouse my sexual energy. At that point I know I desire them and really want to meet them.
"
This is so beautifully and perfectly put Doc. x |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I can find people attractive without desiring them. Desiring connects for me at a much more soulful level, Their words will resonate so frequently and so strongly that I feel an energy surge in different parts of my body. They can touch my heart and cause me to feel more fully. We understand each other and talk candidly, authentically and often humorously. Their smile warms me and causes me to smile and their pictures arouse my sexual energy. At that point I know I desire them and really want to meet them.
In the current environment our friendship develops and deepens online perhaps more than it might have done in the past if we could easily meet socially. The challenge is the online world is quite different to in the flesh, so it may not always translate."
Put perfectly Doc |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"For me someone who isnt arrogant , doesn't take themselves too seriously, kind, funny , and perverted obvs "
I like the second part better. first suggests bad experience, which I'm sorry about, if I'm correct. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost
I have to agree with this.
Sometimes I look at women on here and want to do all kinds of things to their bodies, but I wouldn't say I was attracted to them.
"
I'm confused ! |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM. "
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on "
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost
I have to agree with this.
Sometimes I look at women on here and want to do all kinds of things to their bodies, but I wouldn't say I was attracted to them.
I'm confused !"
How so? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Desirable and attractive are two different things
I can desire people sexually without finding them attractive as people
For example, there was a guy on here I shagged a few times despite knowing he was a bit of bugger and his personal situation bothered me
I can find someone attractive but not desire them
For example, if someone is attractive, knows it and has lots of people swooning after them, I can admire their attraction, but the desirability is just lost
I have to agree with this.
Sometimes I look at women on here and want to do all kinds of things to their bodies, but I wouldn't say I was attracted to them.
I'm confused !
How so? "
Jo's comment. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself. "
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at? "
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin."
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t think anyone could be truly desirable on Fab except as a fantasy. Attractive, interesting, intriguing yes, but not desirable.
In real life I think desire is as much chemical and instinct as anything else - our brains often make our decisions before we actually rationalise them.
I’ve known loads of people who’ve had sexual and emotional relationships with people who are very different from the ‘type’ they say they are attracted to - it’s the classic ‘what does he/she see in them?’ scenario.
Apologies to romantics but most of our sexual attraction is hard wired by evolution and our personal psychology, for better or worse! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin.
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation "
Oh god. Not you. The person who isnt unable to see their own comical side.
Howling here. Sorry  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think anyone could be truly desirable on Fab except as a fantasy. Attractive, interesting, intriguing yes, but not desirable.
In real life I think desire is as much chemical and instinct as anything else - our brains often make our decisions before we actually rationalise them.
I’ve known loads of people who’ve had sexual and emotional relationships with people who are very different from the ‘type’ they say they are attracted to - it’s the classic ‘what does he/she see in them?’ scenario.
Apologies to romantics but most of our sexual attraction is hard wired by evolution and our personal psychology, for better or worse! "
It's all just hormones playing us then? And I say that not in a sarcastic way. I know about the power of oxytocin, serotonin..
As for not being possible to be desired on fab.. do you mean it's just an image of someone we create with information we get given? So not truly desiring the person, but image they like to portray? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin.
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation
Oh god. Not you. The person who isnt unable to see their own comical side.
Howling here. Sorry "
Worry not - am teasing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin.
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation
Oh god. Not you. The person who isnt unable to see their own comical side.
Howling here. Sorry
Worry not - am teasing "
I sent a very apologetic message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To answer the second part first, yes, I think we can only know an image of someone on Fab (or online at all). That image may be close to the truth or not but any desire we feel is not based on their reality.
The first part is more complex with hormones only part of the answer. The genes we inherit have been programmed by evolution to seek out certain qualities to reproduce and these instincts kick in before we rationalise them, at least I believe that is the current understanding of neuro science at a basic level.
But we also have our personal psychology which has been shaped by life experience, especially in childhood, and what this tells us through our subconscious may be very different from what we tell ourselves through our concsious thoughts. For example, we all have the experience of repeating the same mistake in our lives even though we know they are wrong and we should be intelligent enough to avoid them. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin.
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation
Oh god. Not you. The person who isnt unable to see their own comical side.
Howling here. Sorry
Worry not - am teasing
I sent a very apologetic message. "
You did and entirely unnecessary - the comment made me laugh (and isn't entirely inaccurate either ) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is the initial motivation - desire is the motivation to take that beyond simple attraction.
I can find someone attractive without desiring them, but I can't desire someone without finding them attractive.
Oh you wrapped it up nicely GM.
See? I *can* do succinct without waffling on
Hahaha
And you can laugh at yourself.
Learned at an early age that if you can't laugh at yourself who can you laugh at?
You can't. You are shrivelled dry sour raisin.
I'll put that down to being a native tongue colloquialism that didn't translate well rather than take it to heart as a literal observation
Oh god. Not you. The person who isnt unable to see their own comical side.
Howling here. Sorry
Worry not - am teasing
I sent a very apologetic message.
You did and entirely unnecessary - the comment made me laugh (and isn't entirely inaccurate either )"
It's not an issue. I can rehydrate you if your are feeling dry |
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By *RSTCouple
over a year ago
S. Northants |
Attraction and connection are desirable. We will put some on our hotlist and see if we like the way they are. Some of our hotlist are simply there because we like their bodies.
Our friends list is kept those we want to develop a little further. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction and connection are desirable. We will put some on our hotlist and see if we like the way they are. Some of our hotlist are simply there because we like their bodies.
Our friends list is kept those we want to develop a little further. "
Seems like a sensible strategy |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Confidence and success.
Then on the physical side, someone who takes pride in their appearance and makes an effort. There is nothing worse than a slob."
It good to see someone showing self love in their appearance and way they come across. But not too cocky. That's the worst;-) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
The first part is more complex with hormones only part of the answer. The genes we inherit have been programmed by evolution to seek out certain qualities to reproduce and these instincts kick in before we rationalise them, at least I believe that is the current understanding of neuro science at a basic level.
But we also have our personal psychology which has been shaped by life experience, especially in childhood, and what this tells us through our subconscious may be very different from what we tell ourselves through our concsious thoughts. For example, we all have the experience of repeating the same mistake in our lives even though we know they are wrong and we should be intelligent enough to avoid them."
Maybe if we werent such a complicated mechanism of many factors, we would be able to find ourselves quicker, without getting lost in a maze of conflicting messages so often.. but maybe the difficulty makes us appreciate the answers more. I wish we were easier to navigate |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me desire is not the same as attraction. You can desire anyone but attraction needs something more. I need to be able to connect on a different level to be attracted to someone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
The first part is more complex with hormones only part of the answer. The genes we inherit have been programmed by evolution to seek out certain qualities to reproduce and these instincts kick in before we rationalise them, at least I believe that is the current understanding of neuro science at a basic level.
But we also have our personal psychology which has been shaped by life experience, especially in childhood, and what this tells us through our subconscious may be very different from what we tell ourselves through our concsious thoughts. For example, we all have the experience of repeating the same mistake in our lives even though we know they are wrong and we should be intelligent enough to avoid them.
Maybe if we werent such a complicated mechanism of many factors, we would be able to find ourselves quicker, without getting lost in a maze of conflicting messages so often.. but maybe the difficulty makes us appreciate the answers more. I wish we were easier to navigate "
‘From the crooked timber of humanity, nothing straight was ever made’ |
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I can be attracted to someone based purely on their physical appearance...for me attraction is that primal, physical lust.
But I could never desire someone that I haven't met in person. For me desire is about the whole of them... their personality, the way they move, their thought processes and the way they express themselves, the chemistry between us, their morals and outlook on life, their aura, their physicality in motion and not just as a snapshot, their sense of humour, their body language, their smell...all the little things that make them them. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"For me desire is not the same as attraction. You can desire anyone but attraction needs something more. I need to be able to connect on a different level to be attracted to someone "
Some magic must happen |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
The first part is more complex with hormones only part of the answer. The genes we inherit have been programmed by evolution to seek out certain qualities to reproduce and these instincts kick in before we rationalise them, at least I believe that is the current understanding of neuro science at a basic level.
But we also have our personal psychology which has been shaped by life experience, especially in childhood, and what this tells us through our subconscious may be very different from what we tell ourselves through our concsious thoughts. For example, we all have the experience of repeating the same mistake in our lives even though we know they are wrong and we should be intelligent enough to avoid them.
Maybe if we werent such a complicated mechanism of many factors, we would be able to find ourselves quicker, without getting lost in a maze of conflicting messages so often.. but maybe the difficulty makes us appreciate the answers more. I wish we were easier to navigate
‘From the crooked timber of humanity, nothing straight was ever made’ "
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." CB |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I desire opposites. They are new, different, stimulating, to be known and explored.
At the same time, for a relationship you need a common ground, compatibility.
Basically, my life is a mess  "
That's complicated. I don't want to say anything worn out about right person amd the right time. But maybe you can embrace moments as they come and go and shape you, it's ok to feel like nothing makes sense. Sometimes. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to rationalise these thoughts and change your own narrative x hope I didn't overstep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." CB "
I’m a big Bukowski fan but not sure I’d ask his advice on my love life ! Thanks for a very interesting thread OP. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
"We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." CB
I’m a big Bukowski fan but not sure I’d ask his advice on my love life ! Thanks for a very interesting thread OP."
Pleasure is all mine! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after."
I do like to poke people's personal thoughts. It's voluntary to participate after all and how much you decide to share. Thank you for giving me a good peek into your "desirability" map.
"I can easily get switched off by words from someone".. this sadly happens to me too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch"
Someone could attract me for various reasons; usually looks but can be wit or smarts. But ill only desire them if a whole lot comes together and that definitely requires meeting in person to be certain of the chemistry and vibe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch
Someone could attract me for various reasons; usually looks but can be wit or smarts. But ill only desire them if a whole lot comes together and that definitely requires meeting in person to be certain of the chemistry and vibe. "
That’s what I feel about Fab, can find attraction here but not desire which only kicks in with real life contact. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch
Someone could attract me for various reasons; usually looks but can be wit or smarts. But ill only desire them if a whole lot comes together and that definitely requires meeting in person to be certain of the chemistry and vibe. "
While I would agree that you cannot know for sure until you meet in person, with all the tools we have available now virtually and this extended period of lockdown you can get a lot closer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch
Someone could attract me for various reasons; usually looks but can be wit or smarts. But ill only desire them if a whole lot comes together and that definitely requires meeting in person to be certain of the chemistry and vibe.
While I would agree that you cannot know for sure until you meet in person, with all the tools we have available now virtually and this extended period of lockdown you can get a lot closer. "
I don't think that can ever really come close to meeting in person |
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"I desire opposites. They are new, different, stimulating, to be known and explored.
At the same time, for a relationship you need a common ground, compatibility.
Basically, my life is a mess
That's complicated. I don't want to say anything worn out about right person amd the right time. But maybe you can embrace moments as they come and go and shape you, it's ok to feel like nothing makes sense. Sometimes. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to rationalise these thoughts and change your own narrative x hope I didn't overstep. "
Actually, I think that I'm way too rational but attracted by the irrational. I didn't find a long term balance so my relationships don't last. I like this place because everyone recognized his/her dark side and doesn't hide |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after.
I do like to poke people's personal thoughts. It's voluntary to participate after all and how much you decide to share. Thank you for giving me a good peek into your "desirability" map.
"I can easily get switched off by words from someone".. this sadly happens to me too. "
Do you then also find it nearly impossible for that switch to be turn back on again? It's as if you found something you wished you never knew and would turn back time if you could. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can't desire nor really be attracted to a person until I've actually seen the whites of their eyes.
For me, I think the difference is I can probably be attracted to someone without ever having been intimate with them, but I think I could probably only desire them after being intimate
I see. You need more than words to flip that desire switch
Someone could attract me for various reasons; usually looks but can be wit or smarts. But ill only desire them if a whole lot comes together and that definitely requires meeting in person to be certain of the chemistry and vibe.
While I would agree that you cannot know for sure until you meet in person, with all the tools we have available now virtually and this extended period of lockdown you can get a lot closer.
I don't think that can ever really come close to meeting in person "
I agree in so much as nothing replaces face to face, eye to eye, flesh to flesh contact, but in determining whether I desire someone I think I can get very close to the knowledge that comes face to face. But that is me. I understand it could be different for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Different things attract me, and I find different things desirable.
On the whole, a nice smile, eyes and kindness are the key to the initial attraction though.
It's what last beyond that initial spark, I am trying to deconstruct"
Its a spark that shoulders sparks into flame explodes into light and makes the world a magical place because we have found that other in our lives....
The spark, it may be different every time, ignited by a voice a look a gesture something intangible that makes us know this is where we belong
Why try to define it when the only way to do so is to just live it.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Different things attract me, and I find different things desirable.
On the whole, a nice smile, eyes and kindness are the key to the initial attraction though.
It's what last beyond that initial spark, I am trying to deconstruct
Its a spark that shoulders sparks into flame explodes into light and makes the world a magical place because we have found that other in our lives....
The spark, it may be different every time, ignited by a voice a look a gesture something intangible that makes us know this is where we belong
Why try to define it when the only way to do so is to just live it...."
* smoulders |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Why try to define it when the only way to do so is to just live it...."
Well that made my thread pointless
Seriously though, you are right. I like defining, it gives me an illusion of insight. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after.
I do like to poke people's personal thoughts. It's voluntary to participate after all and how much you decide to share. Thank you for giving me a good peek into your "desirability" map.
"I can easily get switched off by words from someone".. this sadly happens to me too.
Do you then also find it nearly impossible for that switch to be turn back on again? It's as if you found something you wished you never knew and would turn back time if you could."
Indeed. Nearly doesn't mean never though. I try, with various success, to avoid that word. And "always". It wasn't destined to happen. And there is only so much you can compromise. Maybe we should allow our intuition take more credit.. maybe it's for the best. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I desire opposites. They are new, different, stimulating, to be known and explored.
At the same time, for a relationship you need a common ground, compatibility.
Basically, my life is a mess
That's complicated. I don't want to say anything worn out about right person amd the right time. But maybe you can embrace moments as they come and go and shape you, it's ok to feel like nothing makes sense. Sometimes. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to rationalise these thoughts and change your own narrative x hope I didn't overstep.
Actually, I think that I'm way too rational but attracted by the irrational. I didn't find a long term balance so my relationships don't last. I like this place because everyone recognized his/her dark side and doesn't hide"
That's an interesting onservsfion about the dark side. It's easy when you are fairly anonymous. |
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"
To answer the second part first, yes, I think we can only know an image of someone on Fab (or online at all). That image may be close to the truth or not but any desire we feel is not based on their reality.
The first part is more complex with hormones only part of the answer. The genes we inherit have been programmed by evolution to seek out certain qualities to reproduce and these instincts kick in before we rationalise them, at least I believe that is the current understanding of neuro science at a basic level.
But we also have our personal psychology which has been shaped by life experience, especially in childhood, and what this tells us through our subconscious may be very different from what we tell ourselves through our concsious thoughts. For example, we all have the experience of repeating the same mistake in our lives even though we know they are wrong and we should be intelligent enough to avoid them."
Very true. There's a whole book on that subject, "Sex at Dawn". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I look at photos, read profiles or how they post, reply or engage in threads. I have no particular type and am not really sure what makes me add them to my hotlist.
I am on strange fruit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet. "
If both profiles are sincere and hence the desire is then real. If both make an effort to build rapport, a meet could happen. Present situ respected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after.
I do like to poke people's personal thoughts. It's voluntary to participate after all and how much you decide to share. Thank you for giving me a good peek into your "desirability" map.
"I can easily get switched off by words from someone".. this sadly happens to me too.
Do you then also find it nearly impossible for that switch to be turn back on again? It's as if you found something you wished you never knew and would turn back time if you could.
Indeed. Nearly doesn't mean never though. I try, with various success, to avoid that word. And "always". It wasn't destined to happen. And there is only so much you can compromise. Maybe we should allow our intuition take more credit.. maybe it's for the best. "
Intuition/gut feeling is so underated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What you're asking is quite personal in many ways and can be as much a reflection as desired. For me a desirable person is not about trying to make an impression, it's about being impressive without the effort, being natural. They command attention rather than demand. They accept their humanity, their insecurities and don't live trying to mask them, honest and deeply respect themselves. They have standards of treatment they expect from others and apply those same standards in their treatment of others. A desirable person's mindset, competition is friendly and inspiring. Conflict may happen but it's always done with grace. They desire to build up rather than belittle and the forum is a good place to see this quality. They value others, relational over productivity, are very forgiving as they understand what it means to be forgiven. They live to impact not to change, to empower and therefore create change.
Now to the physical.....that can vary immensely, but it'll all start with the eyes and the smile and face. The blue print of what's inside.
I can be easily switched off by the simple words from someone, I can still be 'friends' but that initial desire may have gone.
Some may well ask but this is unrealistic on here. Maybe it is too much to expect. I guess it really all depends on what you're after."
I really like this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet.
If both profiles are sincere and hence the desire is then real. If both make an effort to build rapport, a meet could happen. Present situ respected."
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
"
Think this sums it up for me too. I've met guys who I wouldn't have thought straight away attractive but once I get to spend time in their company its their personality that comes more desirable.
No point been drop dead gorgeous and dull as dish water in the bed. I like someone who can make me laugh,make me smile and make me literally crave their company |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet.
If both profiles are sincere and hence the desire is then real. If both make an effort to build rapport, a meet could happen. Present situ respected.
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality? "
So people with with a low self esteem, or pessimistic in their own desirability to other, get a lift or buzz from the surprise of another person finding them interesting? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
Think this sums it up for me too. I've met guys who I wouldn't have thought straight away attractive but once I get to spend time in their company its their personality that comes more desirable.
No point been drop dead gorgeous and dull as dish water in the bed. I like someone who can make me laugh,make me smile and make me literally crave their company"
Happened to me countless times. 'I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years.'
Most of them preffered tea over coffee the following morning. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
Think this sums it up for me too. I've met guys who I wouldn't have thought straight away attractive but once I get to spend time in their company its their personality that comes more desirable.
No point been drop dead gorgeous and dull as dish water in the bed. I like someone who can make me laugh,make me smile and make me literally crave their company
Happened to me countless times. 'I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years.'
Most of them preffered tea over coffee the following morning. "
Great self PR |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality?
So people with with a low self esteem, or pessimistic in their own desirability to other, get a lift or buzz from the surprise of another person finding them interesting? "
No ! I’m probably not explaining myself very well. Online you can project your desires onto others and as long as you don’t meet them the image you have of them stays intact. In real life it’s far more complicated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Attraction is possibly the first impression and hugely based on looks.
Desire takes time & builds up as you get to know someone physically & mentally. Personality can be far more attractive & desirable than just looks.
Think this sums it up for me too. I've met guys who I wouldn't have thought straight away attractive but once I get to spend time in their company its their personality that comes more desirable.
No point been drop dead gorgeous and dull as dish water in the bed. I like someone who can make me laugh,make me smile and make me literally crave their company
Happened to me countless times. 'I wouldn't sleep with you in a million years.'
Most of them preffered tea over coffee the following morning. "
At least they stayed over must be doing something right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet.
If both profiles are sincere and hence the desire is then real. If both make an effort to build rapport, a meet could happen. Present situ respected.
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality? "
I think that's definitely a phenomenon online. Particularly when folks invest themselves in another who is hundreds of miles away. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not sure if this has been mentioned but desire can be fuelled by both being wanted and being refused. I think for people who are quite secure, mutual desire is the turn on but others are definitely drawn to that which they can’t have or seems elusive.
I think for some people using a site like this enables them to desire a real person (or an idea of that person) who they most likely will never meet.
If both profiles are sincere and hence the desire is then real. If both make an effort to build rapport, a meet could happen. Present situ respected.
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality? "
Or enjoy not taking it further as reality wouldn't stand up to the dreamy image and they are not able to risk that ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I look at photos, read profiles or how they post, reply or engage in threads. I have no particular type and am not really sure what makes me add them to my hotlist.
I am on strange fruit. "
You could be one of million apples or the limited ed strange fruit..choices |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality?
Or enjoy not taking it further as reality wouldn't stand up to the dreamy image and they are not able to risk that ? "
Yes, definitely that. I guess that is also about control? Knowing someone in real life is much more messy (in a good way) - a constant interaction between your different feelings, desires etc with hopefully enough common ground to make a good connection.
This goes back to my opinion that true desire only exists in real life because you desire the real person with all their imperfections, and perfections of course! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Absolutely, not saying that doesn’t happen. Just wondering if for some online the low likelihood of meeting is part of the appeal ? They desire the possibility more than the reality?
Or enjoy not taking it further as reality wouldn't stand up to the dreamy image and they are not able to risk that ?
Yes, definitely that. I guess that is also about control? Knowing someone in real life is much more messy (in a good way) - a constant interaction between your different feelings, desires etc with hopefully enough common ground to make a good connection.
This goes back to my opinion that true desire only exists in real life because you desire the real person with all their imperfections, and perfections of course!"
Maybe you are talking one step further.. attaching to someone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Desire is sylph figured creature who changes her mind...
Desire can manifest itself in several ways, ranging from the most basic physically motivated lust, through to the far more complex desire based on a mental connection. While initial basic attraction may give you whiplash, it's their should, their personality that puts you in the neck brace.
Sometimes, only once in a lifetime perhaps, you can meet someone who, when you are least expecting it, combines the perfect storm of desirability. Where everything that sings to you comes together in a choir that embraces every aspect of desirability and captures you... and I don't call it a storm without reason. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes ! Attachment is the right word, even if it’s for a few hours socially or one night sexually you have to cross that line and make an attachment of some sort. Online you never have to take that extra step. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes ! Attachment is the right word, even if it’s for a few hours socially or one night sexually you have to cross that line and make an attachment of some sort. Online you never have to take that extra step."
Glad we came to this conclusion together. It was a very enriching thread for me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Desire is sylph figured creature who changes her mind...
Desire can manifest itself in several ways, ranging from the most basic physically motivated lust, through to the far more complex desire based on a mental connection. While initial basic attraction may give you whiplash, it's their should, their personality that puts you in the neck brace.
Sometimes, only once in a lifetime perhaps, you can meet someone who, when you are least expecting it, combines the perfect storm of desirability. Where everything that sings to you comes together in a choir that embraces every aspect of desirability and captures you... and I don't call it a storm without reason. "
I'm a believer it can happen more than once. But sometimes big explosions end up with big clusterf**k too. as in the more flame the more damage? If it makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes ! Attachment is the right word, even if it’s for a few hours socially or one night sexually you have to cross that line and make an attachment of some sort. Online you never have to take that extra step.
Glad we came to this conclusion together. It was a very enriching thread for me "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the top of the thread about reasons for removing people from the hotlist and various reply reply it.. a thought popped in my head- what makes someone desirable? Yes yes.. its up to individual. So I'm asking you, what makes someone desirable on fab and in real life, if you prefer?
Is desire same as attraction? Or is it the feeling which links with it? What makes us want someone more than others? Them wanting us?
"
Confident (not arrogant)
Compassionate
Knowledge of themselves and what they like
Adventurousness (not just sexually)
Open mindedness (not just sexually)
Someone who loves themselves (not narcissistic)
You don't need all those things but you have to have at least 1! Lol
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Desire is sylph figured creature who changes her mind...
You have excellent musical taste "
Thank you Sir! Well observed. I'd like to think my musical taste is excellent, and very rounded. Much like my taste in women, which is equally excellent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a believer it can happen more than once. But sometimes big explosions end up with big clusterf**k too. as in the more flame the more damage? If it makes sense. "
Clusterfuck, and flame damage... never a more accurate description. Storm damage... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a believer it can happen more than once. But sometimes big explosions end up with big clusterf**k too. as in the more flame the more damage? If it makes sense.
Clusterfuck, and flame damage... never a more accurate description. Storm damage..."
Thank you. |
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"I desire opposites. They are new, different, stimulating, to be known and explored.
At the same time, for a relationship you need a common ground, compatibility.
Basically, my life is a mess
That's complicated. I don't want to say anything worn out about right person amd the right time. But maybe you can embrace moments as they come and go and shape you, it's ok to feel like nothing makes sense. Sometimes. Sometimes we need to push ourselves to rationalise these thoughts and change your own narrative x hope I didn't overstep.
Actually, I think that I'm way too rational but attracted by the irrational. I didn't find a long term balance so my relationships don't last. I like this place because everyone recognized his/her dark side and doesn't hide
That's an interesting onservsfion about the dark side. It's easy when you are fairly anonymous. "
You may be right. I confused showing naked with not hiding. And sometimes the dark side doesn't even exist. But please let me believe it for a while |
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