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Be you!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you outsource your sense of self value into hands and tongues of other people, how you can hold onto yourself? Being shaped by others demands and standards will just cripple you.. |
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Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough. |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough."
Can I ask you Peach if that's something you can ever get over please ?? xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yes . Agreed 100% . I usually feel I'm never good enough and it takes a lot of persuading to convince me I am  "
You are good enough man! Just be true to yourself you can’t do any more than that! |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
Can I ask you Peach if that's something you can ever get over please ?? xx"
Honestly I don't know.
I have to remind myself on an almost daily basis that in fact, I'm really fucking special and it wasn't that I wasn't good enough for those people, it was that those people weren't good enough for me.
I don't deserve that shit.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough."
Treat everyone you meet as a twat until they have proved the opposite, and I mean proved, not just said, You'll be fine.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential. |
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"Oh yes . Agreed 100% . I usually feel I'm never good enough and it takes a lot of persuading to convince me I am
You are good enough man! Just be true to yourself you can’t do any more than that!"
Awww thanks . I'm a good person I know that , but in the past it's been taken advantage of too many times . I'm cool with it now , I've learned from it . Cheers |
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential. "
I agree with this, but it's always been on my terms and in ways that benefit me... Not because some random on a forum told me my health was at risk or my body hair looked like an STI. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough."
Yes. Exactly that. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh yes . Agreed 100% . I usually feel I'm never good enough and it takes a lot of persuading to convince me I am "
You are enough, don't rely on others to convince you just believe in who you are |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
Can I ask you Peach if that's something you can ever get over please ?? xx
Honestly I don't know.
I have to remind myself on an almost daily basis that in fact, I'm really fucking special and it wasn't that I wasn't good enough for those people, it was that those people weren't good enough for me.
I don't deserve that shit.
"
Absofuckinlutely you dont . I'm glad you know you are worthit . You are a diamond you are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential.
I agree with this, but it's always been on my terms and in ways that benefit me... Not because some random on a forum told me my health was at risk or my body hair looked like an STI."
Exactly change sand grow because it’s what you want not some arsehole trying to make you confirm to what they want...if they think body hair is an sti I am fucked! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh yes . Agreed 100% . I usually feel I'm never good enough and it takes a lot of persuading to convince me I am
You are good enough man! Just be true to yourself you can’t do any more than that!
Awww thanks . I'm a good person I know that , but in the past it's been taken advantage of too many times . I'm cool with it now , I've learned from it . Cheers "
It’s Learning the lesson and setting boundaries of what you will and won’t accept in your life |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
Can I ask you Peach if that's something you can ever get over please ?? xx
Honestly I don't know.
I have to remind myself on an almost daily basis that in fact, I'm really fucking special and it wasn't that I wasn't good enough for those people, it was that those people weren't good enough for me.
I don't deserve that shit.
"
You definitely don't deserve anything that others did, you are enough |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential. "
There's nothing wrong with transforming yourself for you, I mean don't change yourself for others |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive. "
If somebody says no to you on here it absolutely does not mean you are not good enough.
It just means you are not for them. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential.
I agree with this, but it's always been on my terms and in ways that benefit me... Not because some random on a forum told me my health was at risk or my body hair looked like an STI."
I have used feedback throughout my life as a spur to be more of what I can be. Sometimes that has come from random people who provided me with a perspective that helped me to see things differently. Every moment has the potential to be a teacher for me if I am awake enough to notice. Most of the time I’m asleep though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive. "
Being rejected is one thing but when someone actively goes out of their way to offend others because they don’t like the way they look that’s not on |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive. "
Attraction is not about being good enough, it's preference. It doesn't mean your not good enough in life just because someone doesn't fancy you. You should never feel bad about yourself because your not someones ideal person |
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential.
I agree with this, but it's always been on my terms and in ways that benefit me... Not because some random on a forum told me my health was at risk or my body hair looked like an STI.
I have used feedback throughout my life as a spur to be more of what I can be. Sometimes that has come from random people who provided me with a perspective that helped me to see things differently. Every moment has the potential to be a teacher for me if I am awake enough to notice. Most of the time I’m asleep though "
You're possibly right, but in this case I'm not seeing it. Random body shamers manipulating us can do one. |
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive.
Attraction is not about being good enough, it's preference. It doesn't mean your not good enough in life just because someone doesn't fancy you. You should never feel bad about yourself because your not someones ideal person "
Everyone is good enough. Everyone.
That doesn't mean that any given person will want to sleep with you. |
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By *umbiyaMan
over a year ago
Halifax |
"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive.
Being rejected is one thing but when someone actively goes out of their way to offend others because they don’t like the way they look that’s not on "
That's definitely awful. If people are doing that then they're rotten. |
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive. "
I'm gonna sound a bit cunty but I'm not being cunty I promise. This is me being mumma and sitting you down for a well meant slap you out of that mindset and words of experience and wisdom.
*slaps face*....You're talking shit.
Cunty bit done.
Right then!
Here's the real truth. You're not "not good enough" you simply don't tickle their pickle. I'm willing to bet if you met the very same people at a party or whatever they'd like you as a person and THAT is the most important by far. Not wanting to shag someone does not define their worth any more than whether they've won the lottery or not.
Now go to your room, look in the mirror and be proud to be a decent human being.
Unless you're actually a right seldish prick who doesn't consider anyone else but himself, in which case, ignore the above |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive.
Being rejected is one thing but when someone actively goes out of their way to offend others because they don’t like the way they look that’s not on
That's definitely awful. If people are doing that then they're rotten. "
All profile types do it. |
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I was married to a man who never had anything good to say about my body. It took a couple of years before I realized it wasn’t me he didn’t like, he was unhappy with himself.
When someone body shames someone else, they’re unhappy with who they are. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential.
I agree with this, but it's always been on my terms and in ways that benefit me... Not because some random on a forum told me my health was at risk or my body hair looked like an STI.
I have used feedback throughout my life as a spur to be more of what I can be. Sometimes that has come from random people who provided me with a perspective that helped me to see things differently. Every moment has the potential to be a teacher for me if I am awake enough to notice. Most of the time I’m asleep though
You're possibly right, but in this case I'm not seeing it. Random body shamers manipulating us can do one."
that is a different issue. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was married to a man who never had anything good to say about my body. It took a couple of years before I realized it wasn’t me he didn’t like, he was unhappy with himself.
When someone body shames someone else, they’re unhappy with who they are. "
Absolutely its sad when others have to bring people down to make theirselves feel better. Im glad you realised it was his problem as so many people will believe those comments made to them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share."
You don't let anyone down by feeling something.
You will feel it and believe it one day
Lu  |
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"Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share."
I do understand that.
If you swap "believe in" for "accept" it can give it a whole different vibe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share."
You can feel however you want. If they feel you're letting them down they don't care about you so not worth worrying about. |
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"Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share."
I hear you. I validate your feelings. I've been there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Whenever anyone says this sort of thing to me "you are enough", "you are great", "you are x,y,z", especially when they add something like "believe in yourself", it makes me feel worse. I feel like because I can't see it, I'm not only letting myself down but I'm letting them down. And I hate letting anyone down.
Sorry OP, I'm not wanting to piss on your thread, because I have no doubt it makes a lot of people feel a hell of a lot better. Just wanted to share."
Of course, you are entitled to feel however you do. I totally understand what your saying as its how we always aim to please others thats the problem. Even though you can't see it just believe in the people who tell you, you are enough |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t agree being myself is not changing. I have gone through a number of personal transformations during my life as have most of us. If we don’t transform ourselves we never grow up, wake up, clean up or show up in way that enables us to fulfil our potential.
There's nothing wrong with transforming yourself for you, I mean don't change yourself for others "
2 of the occasions when I transformed my way of thinking and acting were because of listening to others as to why change. One probably saved my life and the other saved the most important relationship in my life. In both cases the change was not internally motivated, at least a large proportion of the impetus wasn’t. Though the will to change did come from within. It came directly from straight talking feedback. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough."
I hear ya pp, we are our own worst critic. Only takes a few words to take you back there x  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I actually don't give a flying beanbag what anyone thinks of me, I'm OK with me and that's all that should matter. I'm a bit chubbier than I was sure but, I've lived a life, had 4 babies and the battle scars to show for it. If others value me solely on appearance that's fine as they aren't the kinda person I'd want to get close to anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You always want to.look your best, and of course keeping in shape and having a head full of hair would at least help me attract more girls my way . But I don't, and my funny ,kind,charming personality is what got me the relationships ,dates in the past . And that you can't get down the gym |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
Spent the latter half of my last relationship being told I'm no good, I'm fat, I'm ugly, noone would want me I was lucky he did!
Well eff you arsehole I love me for me and that's all that matters, call me fat, call me ugly I don't give a flying fig! |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough."
I was in an abusive marriage. Except I didn't know it at the time. I k ow what it's like to be stripped if your confidence/independence/self worth. I know how hard it is to not judge people by the actions of the those who hurt us before them. Find it hard to believe. Bet your also rubbish at raking compliments too! Even now I sometimes cringe inwardly whem I get them. Just kniw your not alone with your struggles and feelings. I csn come across as confident amd bubbly..but thsts not always true. Esp after the treatment/words from some people I've received in the years ive been here. So start with taking this compliment...your an absolute stunner. You deserve to be treated with kindess and respect. You deserve to be happy xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You always want to.look your best, and of course keeping in shape and having a head full of hair would at least help me attract more girls my way . But I don't, and my funny ,kind,charming personality is what got me the relationships ,dates in the past . And that you can't get down the gym"
And you're hot, if anyone tells you that you should have head hair they don't deserve you! |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
I was in an abusive marriage. Except I didn't know it at the time. I k ow what it's like to be stripped if your confidence/independence/self worth. I know how hard it is to not judge people by the actions of the those who hurt us before them. Find it hard to believe. Bet your also rubbish at raking compliments too! Even now I sometimes cringe inwardly whem I get them. Just kniw your not alone with your struggles and feelings. I csn come across as confident amd bubbly..but thsts not always true. Esp after the treatment/words from some people I've received in the years ive been here. So start with taking this compliment...your an absolute stunner. You deserve to be treated with kindess and respect. You deserve to be happy xx"
Dickhead, you've just made me eyes leak |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
I was in an abusive marriage. Except I didn't know it at the time. I k ow what it's like to be stripped if your confidence/independence/self worth. I know how hard it is to not judge people by the actions of the those who hurt us before them. Find it hard to believe. Bet your also rubbish at raking compliments too! Even now I sometimes cringe inwardly whem I get them. Just kniw your not alone with your struggles and feelings. I csn come across as confident amd bubbly..but thsts not always true. Esp after the treatment/words from some people I've received in the years ive been here. So start with taking this compliment...your an absolute stunner. You deserve to be treated with kindess and respect. You deserve to be happy xx
Dickhead, you've just made me eyes leak "
Sorry! But it's true lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suspect that like a lot of things it isn't quite that simple. I strongly believe that decades of various forms of media in the west telling people that they have the right to be whoever they want, not to listen to others, that we are all entitled to have our opinions respected etc etc have come home to roost during this pandemic. There is a general air of disbelief that so many people genuinely do not care about others, or the opinions of others - yet this is exactly the attitude fostered by 'be yourself.'
I agree we shouldn't be judgemental but that doesn't mean we can't express facts, for example there's a huge difference between saying to someone that their weight is unhealthy and telling them they're fat because they're too lazy. The first is a statement of fact, the second a judgement about them. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that they are behaving in a selfish or unkind way, telling them that they are selfish or unkind though is a judgement on them.
So often when people say that no-one has a right to judge them what they really mean is they don't want others to pass comment on parts of their life they are particularly sensitive to or have strong opinions on whilst simultaneously feeling entitled to speak however they want about others.
Obviously there is no place for body shaming or abuse but there should be a place for people to point out where our behavoir is harmful to ourselves or others.
I should add, this is not aimed at the OP or anyone else on this thread but is rather my take on the whole 'be yourself' doctrine that seems to have become a mantra now, ignoring the fact that none of us actually mean it. What we mean is be yourself unless the version of yourself is something I don't like  |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
I hear ya pp, we are our own worst critic. Only takes a few words to take you back there x "
Frustrating as fuck isn't it.
We pay for their lack of decent humaning.
I find myself at times a right wreck, "it must be me, I'm the common denominator"
But then when you research and learn that it can so easily run in cycles. That the behaviours we display are perfectly normal for those who've been through trauma etc. That definitely helps. |
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"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
I was in an abusive marriage. Except I didn't know it at the time. I k ow what it's like to be stripped if your confidence/independence/self worth. I know how hard it is to not judge people by the actions of the those who hurt us before them. Find it hard to believe. Bet your also rubbish at raking compliments too! Even now I sometimes cringe inwardly whem I get them. Just kniw your not alone with your struggles and feelings. I csn come across as confident amd bubbly..but thsts not always true. Esp after the treatment/words from some people I've received in the years ive been here. So start with taking this compliment...your an absolute stunner. You deserve to be treated with kindess and respect. You deserve to be happy xx
Dickhead, you've just made me eyes leak
Sorry! But it's true lol x"
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"Spent 30 plus years being told I wasn't good enough. That shit sticks with ya.
Seems like as soon as you think you're moving forward some cunt strips ya back down. They don't necessarily mean to but your mind has learnt to blame yourself, that it's you, that you didn't try hard enough, weren't reasonable enough, didn't care enough... ultimately that you weren't enough.
I was in an abusive marriage. Except I didn't know it at the time. I k ow what it's like to be stripped if your confidence/independence/self worth. I know how hard it is to not judge people by the actions of the those who hurt us before them. Find it hard to believe. Bet your also rubbish at raking compliments too! Even now I sometimes cringe inwardly whem I get them. Just kniw your not alone with your struggles and feelings. I csn come across as confident amd bubbly..but thsts not always true. Esp after the treatment/words from some people I've received in the years ive been here. So start with taking this compliment...your an absolute stunner. You deserve to be treated with kindess and respect. You deserve to be happy xx"
Couldn't have said it better. That was me too.
And Peach is a gorgeous angel xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suspect that like a lot of things it isn't quite that simple. I strongly believe that decades of various forms of media in the west telling people that they have the right to be whoever they want, not to listen to others, that we are all entitled to have our opinions respected etc etc have come home to roost during this pandemic. There is a general air of disbelief that so many people genuinely do not care about others, or the opinions of others - yet this is exactly the attitude fostered by 'be yourself.'
I agree we shouldn't be judgemental but that doesn't mean we can't express facts, for example there's a huge difference between saying to someone that their weight is unhealthy and telling them they're fat because they're too lazy. The first is a statement of fact, the second a judgement about them. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that they are behaving in a selfish or unkind way, telling them that they are selfish or unkind though is a judgement on them.
So often when people say that no-one has a right to judge them what they really mean is they don't want others to pass comment on parts of their life they are particularly sensitive to or have strong opinions on whilst simultaneously feeling entitled to speak however they want about others.
Obviously there is no place for body shaming or abuse but there should be a place for people to point out where our behavoir is harmful to ourselves or others.
I should add, this is not aimed at the OP or anyone else on this thread but is rather my take on the whole 'be yourself' doctrine that seems to have become a mantra now, ignoring the fact that none of us actually mean it. What we mean is be yourself unless the version of yourself is something I don't like "
I agree with this |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just to add of course people will pick away at this thread and take a personal view to suit their agenda. It's just a general postive message I'm sending to you, if it's a message you don't support that's okay but which ever way people decide to twist it.. the message is simple be happy, be kind and accept yourself for who you are |
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special "
Sadly twats will be twats and they actually think they're being clever and funny without realising that some people are very vulnerable regards their size.
Mums old words "if you've got nothing nice to say Sam, don't say it"
Really kind post op x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I suspect that like a lot of things it isn't quite that simple. I strongly believe that decades of various forms of media in the west telling people that they have the right to be whoever they want, not to listen to others, that we are all entitled to have our opinions respected etc etc have come home to roost during this pandemic. There is a general air of disbelief that so many people genuinely do not care about others, or the opinions of others - yet this is exactly the attitude fostered by 'be yourself.'
I agree we shouldn't be judgemental but that doesn't mean we can't express facts, for example there's a huge difference between saying to someone that their weight is unhealthy and telling them they're fat because they're too lazy. The first is a statement of fact, the second a judgement about them. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that they are behaving in a selfish or unkind way, telling them that they are selfish or unkind though is a judgement on them.
So often when people say that no-one has a right to judge them what they really mean is they don't want others to pass comment on parts of their life they are particularly sensitive to or have strong opinions on whilst simultaneously feeling entitled to speak however they want about others.
Obviously there is no place for body shaming or abuse but there should be a place for people to point out where our behavoir is harmful to ourselves or others.
I should add, this is not aimed at the OP or anyone else on this thread but is rather my take on the whole 'be yourself' doctrine that seems to have become a mantra now, ignoring the fact that none of us actually mean it. What we mean is be yourself unless the version of yourself is something I don't like "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special
Sadly twats will be twats and they actually think they're being clever and funny without realising that some people are very vulnerable regards their size.
Mums old words "if you've got nothing nice to say Sam, don't say it"
Really kind post op x"
Absolutely if only we all lived by this motto in life |
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"Just to add of course people will pick away at this thread and take a personal view to suit their agenda. It's just a general postive message I'm sending to you, if it's a message you don't support that's okay but which ever way people decide to twist it.. the message is simple be happy, be kind and accept yourself for who you are "
It's a great post OP |
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By *umbiyaMan
over a year ago
Halifax |
"I suspect that like a lot of things it isn't quite that simple. I strongly believe that decades of various forms of media in the west telling people that they have the right to be whoever they want, not to listen to others, that we are all entitled to have our opinions respected etc etc have come home to roost during this pandemic. There is a general air of disbelief that so many people genuinely do not care about others, or the opinions of others - yet this is exactly the attitude fostered by 'be yourself.'
I agree we shouldn't be judgemental but that doesn't mean we can't express facts, for example there's a huge difference between saying to someone that their weight is unhealthy and telling them they're fat because they're too lazy. The first is a statement of fact, the second a judgement about them. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that they are behaving in a selfish or unkind way, telling them that they are selfish or unkind though is a judgement on them.
So often when people say that no-one has a right to judge them what they really mean is they don't want others to pass comment on parts of their life they are particularly sensitive to or have strong opinions on whilst simultaneously feeling entitled to speak however they want about others.
Obviously there is no place for body shaming or abuse but there should be a place for people to point out where our behavoir is harmful to ourselves or others.
I should add, this is not aimed at the OP or anyone else on this thread but is rather my take on the whole 'be yourself' doctrine that seems to have become a mantra now, ignoring the fact that none of us actually mean it. What we mean is be yourself unless the version of yourself is something I don't like "
This is perfect ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a lovely thing to say OP.
I made a thread the other day about other ppl and their not so nice opinion about my weight which got me a forum ban(hmmmm) so i will watch what i say today 
Always gonna get haters that cause a stir just because they can.
One persons dislike of a body or face could be 10 others want.
Shake what you got and two fingers up to them
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"I suspect that like a lot of things it isn't quite that simple. I strongly believe that decades of various forms of media in the west telling people that they have the right to be whoever they want, not to listen to others, that we are all entitled to have our opinions respected etc etc have come home to roost during this pandemic. There is a general air of disbelief that so many people genuinely do not care about others, or the opinions of others - yet this is exactly the attitude fostered by 'be yourself.'
I agree we shouldn't be judgemental but that doesn't mean we can't express facts, for example there's a huge difference between saying to someone that their weight is unhealthy and telling them they're fat because they're too lazy. The first is a statement of fact, the second a judgement about them. Similarly, there is nothing wrong with telling someone that they are behaving in a selfish or unkind way, telling them that they are selfish or unkind though is a judgement on them.
So often when people say that no-one has a right to judge them what they really mean is they don't want others to pass comment on parts of their life they are particularly sensitive to or have strong opinions on whilst simultaneously feeling entitled to speak however they want about others.
Obviously there is no place for body shaming or abuse but there should be a place for people to point out where our behavoir is harmful to ourselves or others.
I should add, this is not aimed at the OP or anyone else on this thread but is rather my take on the whole 'be yourself' doctrine that seems to have become a mantra now, ignoring the fact that none of us actually mean it. What we mean is be yourself unless the version of yourself is something I don't like "
I think there's two things here.
We all judge, absolutely. But sometimes it's best to be supportive or be quiet, know when our opinion is wanted.
Secondly... I don't know about anyone else. But I do mean "be yourself". As long as no one is getting hurt, diversity makes us better as communities. And people have a right to express themselves and their views. Obviously this doesn't mean I won't debate/argue with people, or even support someone's right to be themselves far away from me - but as the saying goes, I might not agree with what you're saying, but I'll defend your right to say it. (Which means freedom of speech, not guaranteed platform/ freedom from reaction/ freedom from consequences). |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
We all judge, absolutely. But sometimes it's best to be supportive or be quiet, know when our opinion is wanted.
Secondly... I don't know about anyone else. But I do mean "be yourself". As long as no one is getting hurt, diversity makes us better as communities. "
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Hear hear.
And especially at this time of year when lots of people evaluate and judge themselves, in addition to the current circumstances as well on top of all that don't need to hear all that.
Just try and be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think there's two things here.
We all judge, absolutely. But sometimes it's best to be supportive or be quiet, know when our opinion is wanted.
Secondly... I don't know about anyone else. But I do mean "be yourself". As long as no one is getting hurt, diversity makes us better as communities. And people have a right to express themselves and their views. Obviously this doesn't mean I won't debate/argue with people, or even support someone's right to be themselves far away from me - but as the saying goes, I might not agree with what you're saying, but I'll defend your right to say it. (Which means freedom of speech, not guaranteed platform/ freedom from reaction/ freedom from consequences)."
The issue is in your 'as long as no one is being hurt.' This is incredibly hard to quantify. If a doctor tells their patient they are morbidly obese and it is going to kill them, they may well feel hurt but it's the doctor wrong? A child who is constantly given everything it wants may grow into a man whose feelings are hurt when a woman says no to him, dies that mean she shouldn't say no?
I don't disagree that we can all be diverse, I just believe more emphasis placed on an awareness of how we make others feel as opposed to how they make us feel would make for a better society.
Mr. |
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"
I think there's two things here.
We all judge, absolutely. But sometimes it's best to be supportive or be quiet, know when our opinion is wanted.
Secondly... I don't know about anyone else. But I do mean "be yourself". As long as no one is getting hurt, diversity makes us better as communities. And people have a right to express themselves and their views. Obviously this doesn't mean I won't debate/argue with people, or even support someone's right to be themselves far away from me - but as the saying goes, I might not agree with what you're saying, but I'll defend your right to say it. (Which means freedom of speech, not guaranteed platform/ freedom from reaction/ freedom from consequences).
The issue is in your 'as long as no one is being hurt.' This is incredibly hard to quantify. If a doctor tells their patient they are morbidly obese and it is going to kill them, they may well feel hurt but it's the doctor wrong? A child who is constantly given everything it wants may grow into a man whose feelings are hurt when a woman says no to him, dies that mean she shouldn't say no?
I don't disagree that we can all be diverse, I just believe more emphasis placed on an awareness of how we make others feel as opposed to how they make us feel would make for a better society.
Mr."
Oh agree. (My thoughts were, be yourself doesn't run to "storm the Capitol"...)
I think re health, generally it's best to butt out unless you're in an appropriate position, like a doctor - and we need to be aware (see your next point) of the utility (or lack thereof) of providing unnecessary critique.
I also agree we need to be aware of how we make others feel. But I think there's space for "agree to disagree", "not for me but you do you", and healthy thought provoking disagreement. (And - not aimed at anyone - "I find you obnoxious and awful but I respect your right to be as you are, even if personally I'll avoid you") |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I think there's two things here.
We all judge, absolutely. But sometimes it's best to be supportive or be quiet, know when our opinion is wanted.
Secondly... I don't know about anyone else. But I do mean "be yourself". As long as no one is getting hurt, diversity makes us better as communities. And people have a right to express themselves and their views. Obviously this doesn't mean I won't debate/argue with people, or even support someone's right to be themselves far away from me - but as the saying goes, I might not agree with what you're saying, but I'll defend your right to say it. (Which means freedom of speech, not guaranteed platform/ freedom from reaction/ freedom from consequences).
The issue is in your 'as long as no one is being hurt.' This is incredibly hard to quantify. If a doctor tells their patient they are morbidly obese and it is going to kill them, they may well feel hurt but it's the doctor wrong? A child who is constantly given everything it wants may grow into a man whose feelings are hurt when a woman says no to him, dies that mean she shouldn't say no?
I don't disagree that we can all be diverse, I just believe more emphasis placed on an awareness of how we make others feel as opposed to how they make us feel would make for a better society.
Mr.
Oh agree. (My thoughts were, be yourself doesn't run to "storm the Capitol"...)
I think re health, generally it's best to butt out unless you're in an appropriate position, like a doctor - and we need to be aware (see your next point) of the utility (or lack thereof) of providing unnecessary critique.
I also agree we need to be aware of how we make others feel. But I think there's space for "agree to disagree", "not for me but you do you", and healthy thought provoking disagreement. (And - not aimed at anyone - "I find you obnoxious and awful but I respect your right to be as you are, even if personally I'll avoid you")"
Yeah, I do agree with those points. I do believe that we should all temper our statements with kindness and consider first whether any critical comment is being made to help someone rather than just express our opinion and also if it is likely to actually help or harm.
I think there are two approaches to fostering a sense of owning ones identity in others. You can encourage people to 'be themselves' or you can encourage people to allow others to be themselves. The first way appears to me to create in many people a self-centered disregard of others. The second way (which is exactly how you describe your own thought process) teaches people to consider others, be aware that they are different- and that's ok. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you"
I like your irony in this advice |
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice "
Never listen to others except me that means |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means "
Indeed  I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you. |
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special "
After following that other thread. Believe me I needed to read this.
Thankyou OP.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special
After following that other thread. Believe me I needed to read this.
Thankyou OP.
"
I wish I had read the other thread, I may have tailored my response on this one differently if I had. We live and learn |
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means Indeed I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you."
Agreed.
Sometimes it serves you well to listen to other people.
Person A) Are you OK? You really don't seem yourself. I love you, but I've noticed you seem spiky lately.
Person B)*thinks*
Shit, I didn't realise I was taking it out on other people, I'll be more conscious of my behaviour. Can you spare time for a chat, coz you're right, I'm not alright.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means Indeed I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you.
Agreed.
Sometimes it serves you well to listen to other people.
Person A) Are you OK? You really don't seem yourself. I love you, but I've noticed you seem spiky lately.
Person B)*thinks*
Shit, I didn't realise I was taking it out on other people, I'll be more conscious of my behaviour. Can you spare time for a chat, coz you're right, I'm not alright.
"
Think that very much depends on who the other people are - someone that I know knows me well, and is prepared to tell it to me straight from that position of knowledge, then absolutely.
Someone who has minimal knowledge of me, and cobbles an analysis together based on that, not so much.
I'm authentically me, am old enough and long enough in the tooth to both know myself, and know when to take on board relevant opinion - I can't be anyone else, but on the whole I'm proud of who I am and that ultimately is what matters - if people take a dim view of me, that's their prerogative and I'm not going to spend a great deal of time fretting about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means Indeed I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you.
Agreed.
Sometimes it serves you well to listen to other people.
Person A) Are you OK? You really don't seem yourself. I love you, but I've noticed you seem spiky lately.
Person B)*thinks*
Shit, I didn't realise I was taking it out on other people, I'll be more conscious of my behaviour. Can you spare time for a chat, coz you're right, I'm not alright.
Think that very much depends on who the other people are - someone that I know knows me well, and is prepared to tell it to me straight from that position of knowledge, then absolutely.
Someone who has minimal knowledge of me, and cobbles an analysis together based on that, not so much.
I'm authentically me, am old enough and long enough in the tooth to both know myself, and know when to take on board relevant opinion - I can't be anyone else, but on the whole I'm proud of who I am and that ultimately is what matters - if people take a dim view of me, that's their prerogative and I'm not going to spend a great deal of time fretting about it."
I agree GM |
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means Indeed I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you.
Agreed.
Sometimes it serves you well to listen to other people.
Person A) Are you OK? You really don't seem yourself. I love you, but I've noticed you seem spiky lately.
Person B)*thinks*
Shit, I didn't realise I was taking it out on other people, I'll be more conscious of my behaviour. Can you spare time for a chat, coz you're right, I'm not alright.
Think that very much depends on who the other people are - someone that I know knows me well, and is prepared to tell it to me straight from that position of knowledge, then absolutely.
Someone who has minimal knowledge of me, and cobbles an analysis together based on that, not so much.
I'm authentically me, am old enough and long enough in the tooth to both know myself, and know when to take on board relevant opinion - I can't be anyone else, but on the whole I'm proud of who I am and that ultimately is what matters - if people take a dim view of me, that's their prerogative and I'm not going to spend a great deal of time fretting about it."
Oh defo. That's where the being discerning when listening comes in.
I mean, I'd never listen to ANYTHING you said  |
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"Never listen too others,be who you want to be ,head up walk straight and smile, and always love yourself as no one can love you more than you I like your irony in this advice
Never listen to others except me that means Indeed I also wholeheartedly disagree with the advice, in relation to not listening to others. However it is important to be discerning when listening to others as often it will tell you as much about them or more than it does about you.
Agreed.
Sometimes it serves you well to listen to other people.
Person A) Are you OK? You really don't seem yourself. I love you, but I've noticed you seem spiky lately.
Person B)*thinks*
Shit, I didn't realise I was taking it out on other people, I'll be more conscious of my behaviour. Can you spare time for a chat, coz you're right, I'm not alright.
"
What’s app Doc |
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"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special "
A beautiful message yet again from a beautiful person   |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"
Oh defo. That's where the being discerning when listening comes in.
I mean, I'd never listen to ANYTHING you said "
Absolutely that's where it comes in - especially on here where there are many who *think* they know you better than you know yourself.
You'd be right not to - I'm just a twat who knows nothing |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special
A beautiful message yet again from a beautiful person "
Thank you lovely |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"In response to the 'body sizes' thread, it really gets under my skin when people feel they have the right to judge or comment on what others look like.
We live in a world where too many people tear theirselves down enough without others doing it for them. To the people who are unkind, it says more about you than it does the person you are talking about.
To anyone who has ever felt or was told they wasn't good enough, I just want to remind you.. you are enough!
Embrace who you are and never change. Always believe in yourself and put two fingers up to the one's who don't. We are all different but that's what makes us special
After following that other thread. Believe me I needed to read this.
Thankyou OP.
"
Glad it helped sweet |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive.
Attraction is not about being good enough, it's preference. It doesn't mean your not good enough in life just because someone doesn't fancy you. You should never feel bad about yourself because your not someones ideal person "
Absolutely and utterly this...... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure. You have to be thick skinned on here. If people reject you then you just have to accept you're not good enough. I can't blame people if they find me physically unattractive.
Attraction is not about being good enough, it's preference. It doesn't mean your not good enough in life just because someone doesn't fancy you. You should never feel bad about yourself because your not someones ideal person
Absolutely and utterly this...... "
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Good call on this thread Mrs HWC 