your pretty much spot on granny im not going cos all hell did break loose and for many other reasons that iand most of her other fsamily and friends dont think she should be with him or be marrying him.She is my sis and i love her but i cant bear to watch her do it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i have to say that although me and my sisters dont always get on i would be devastated if one of them would'nt come to my wedding (dont worry phil darling no marriage plans lol) and all hell would break loose here too

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Then do it. It's up to her to tell her mum and dad. No one else."

Thats true but i wouldnt fancy being in my shoes if my sister got married and my mum found out after i knew and didnt tell her

Theres always a bigger picture life isnt black and white

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"your pretty much spot on granny im not going cos all hell did break loose and for many other reasons that iand most of her other fsamily and friends dont think she should be with him or be marrying him.She is my sis and i love her but i cant bear to watch her do it."

To be fair i have done this, but with my best friend, i have been mates with her many years and love her dearly but i knew the guy she was marrying was a wanker and just after her money but she was so in love with him she couldnt see it and i couldnt watch her make the biggest mistake of her life, so i kept away but made sure she knew i was there for her

Turned out 2 years later he devorced her and took her for everything

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By *andsCouple over a year ago

Edin

If you love her as much as you say you do then go to the wedding ... you dont have to love the bloke, you dont even have to like the bloke but she clearly does and at the end of the day its her choice whether to marry him or not. If it all goes wrong like you imagine it will then be there for her then too, thats what sisters do x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married."

i have told her i will do it

i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done

i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ouch got to say i could'nt go behind my families back either so no i do think you have done the right thing it would kill my family if i was to up and get wed without telling them and to be honest your sis should never have put you in this position in the first place

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"If you love her as much as you say you do then go to the wedding ... you dont have to love the bloke, you dont even have to like the bloke but she clearly does and at the end of the day its her choice whether to marry him or not. If it all goes wrong like you imagine it will then be there for her then too, thats what sisters do x"

I'd agree with this.

She is being deserted.

I thought arranged marriages were not the done thing in this country.

I don't much care for one of my son in laws but he married my daughter and she would never know I have my beady eye on him.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married.

i have told her i will do it

i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done

i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term "

I assume she has her reasons for wanting to keep this a low key affair and not making a more public commitment? But she loves you so much that she can't bear to do this without you there. Maybe she hasn't told you everything yet?

A very close friend of mine got married just like this and her parents found out at her much bigger, more public, everyone involved wedding to her second husband. I heard the ripples from the back of the room moving forward that the wedding couldn't go ahead as the papar work was wrong. This is now one of the great stories about a lovely magical day.

Another couple I know married in this way after 25 years together. They didn't want the fuss but realised after a health scare that financially it was much easier if they got the bit of paper. Their parents know now and it was awkward for a week or so until the realised nothing fundamental had changed.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Then do it. It's up to her to tell her mum and dad. No one else.

Thats true but i wouldnt fancy being in my shoes if my sister got married and my mum found out after i knew and didnt tell her

Theres always a bigger picture life isnt black and white"

I wouldn't to be in his shoes either but it's no good his mum and dad blaming him. If his sister says she doesn't want anyone to know then it has to be honoured. It's the sister I think is wrong in putting people in that position. She should let people tell and be honest with mum n dad that she doesn't want them there.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I just told my sister i wont be going to her wedding and all hell has broken loose....life sucks sometimes.bloody families

Families are complicated at the best of times. You don't like the man she is marrying but that is just when she may need you most. How do you take care of her if you are no longer in her life?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just tell her you won't lie if mum or dad say .........oi is your sister getting married.

i have told her i will do it

i won't spill the beans upfront (i want her to have trust in me), but on the condition that she tells mum and dad once it's done

i accept her wish for it to be a 'business like affair' but i am not harbouring secrets long term

i know why she's doing it and i know why she wants it to be business like and have gone along with it mainly for those reasons.

but not telling mum and dad at all, has never been an option for me and told her that from the outset.

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By *ig jugs OP Woman over a year ago

somewhere

Families re complicated and perhaps if my sister ever though of or about me then she wouldnt be in this position.The guy has wasted her as it is and ive sat back and watched her become a wreck.I cant sit and be a hypocrit and be at the ing when i dont approve and i really really hate the guy(and i dont usualy use the hate word),I have had it out with him for what he is doing to her and she chose him over me and the rest of our family so my hands are tied.I love her but i wont be at her wedding to that control freak.But when and it will go tits up then she will know where i am to come to to rebuild her life that he is robbing her off...

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

This for me too ^^^^^

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Families re complicated and perhaps if my sister ever though of or about me then she wouldnt be in this position.The guy has wasted her as it is and ive sat back and watched her become a wreck.I cant sit and be a hypocrit and be at the ing when i dont approve and i really really hate the guy(and i dont usualy use the hate word),I have had it out with him for what he is doing to her and she chose him over me and the rest of our family

Why does there have to be a choice? Would you not marry someone if one of your family told you they didn't like him?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't speak to my family. They don't know where I live nor pretty much anything about my life. Threads like this in someways make me glad I made the decision and glad that I don't have to deal with all the bullshit and pretence.

But, and to be honest it's a huge but, not speaking to them is actually pretty horrid. So O{P be careful what you wish for. Your reasons for not going are purely selfish, so think long and hard because if you end up ostracised will it be worth it?

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By *ig jugs OP Woman over a year ago

somewhere

Its not just one of us lol and i do understand i havent given much informaion away so thats my fault lol, but when u watch ur sister be beat uo time and time again and have always been there for her yet shes never there for me, and when u change ur life for her and her kids yet she keeps gpoing back to him then there comes a point when u say u know what ur a big lass, deal with it yourself now as i cant keep helping you and affecting my life when you keep going back ....i wont be at her wedding but il always be there for her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 22/07/12 16:51:38]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

my sister didnt come to my wedding.

i wasnt surprised though because thats the way she is. me and my hubby got married in a registry office, so it didnt take long.

when my half brother married his wife for the second time i didnt go, as i dont like weddings and my sister was going and she bullies me.

my mum moaned about it a bit.

i am used to people moaning at me though.

their marriage only lasted about a year anyway.

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By *ig jugs OP Woman over a year ago

somewhere

"I don't speak to my family. They don't know where I live nor pretty much anything about my life. Threads like this in someways make me glad I made the decision and glad that I don't have to deal with all the bullshit and pretence.

Its not be ostracised mate , i have all my friends and family its her who is on her own...and im not being selfish at all...infact im anything but selfish..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"my sister is getting married next month and has asked me to be a witness

but, and here's where it has compromised me a bit, she doesn't want anyone to know other than her, her intended and the 2 witnesses

that includes not telling mum and dad "

I always wondered what the hell Marvin Gaye was droning on about

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its not be ostracised mate , i have all my friends and family its her who is on her own...and im not being selfish at all...infact im anything but selfish..

So not going to her wedding because you don;t like her husband is not selfish?

And it seems odd that according to your original post all hell has broken lose when you said you weren't going. Because my sense of logic suggests that surely if everyone was in agreement like you claim then it wouldn;t have come as such a surprise to them?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Its not just one of us lol and i do understand i havent given much informaion away so thats my fault lol, but when u watch ur sister be beat uo time and time again and have always been there for her yet shes never there for me, and when u change ur life for her and her kids yet she keeps gpoing back to him then there comes a point when u say u know what ur a big lass, deal with it yourself now as i cant keep helping you and affecting my life when you keep going back ....i wont be at her wedding but il always be there for her

Having to choose family or him still shouldn't be an issue if you have told her to deal with things herself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Bloody families indeed. Can see why she isn't happy, but she shouldn't expect you to lie or cover up for her and if you aren't happy being in the middle then she really has to be prepared for you to opt out. Though I know rationality goes out the window

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mine did not invite me to hers, and I don't give a toss, as she and I have not communicated since 2002 after we fell out over her then partner, now her husband.

Just because she is blood-related does not mean I have to like her, and I don't, for many reasons.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be honest I don't have any time for families, whether mine or somebody else's, so there's nothing for me to see here. I'll get my coat

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

id rather not go somewhere as i dont want to than go and be in a awkard situation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

id rather not go somewhere as i dont want to than go and be in a awkard situation

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By *r and mrs sanddancerCouple over a year ago

BOLDON COLLIERY

[Removed by poster at 22/07/12 17:41:56]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

My ex husband isn't giving our eldest away when she marries next month, my brother-in-law from Italy is. I'm on the M5 traveling back from her hen weekend her youngest sister didn't come as like her father it would go against their religion so she's not going to the wedding either.

My brother-in-laws who saw my daughter regularly are annoyed one of them wasn't asked instead of an Italian she last saw 10 years ago.

My sister who had my daughter nearly every week when she was growing up is not invited as she has children and no children are allowed to the service.

I've paid a third of the wedding, paid for the honeymoon and the dress but none of my friends are allowed to the service...very close family and friends if the couple only.

I'm not overly happy how they've done things but I smile and grit ny teeth, even resisted the urge to smother her future mother-in-law during the night.

Families and weddings are always a bone if contention, all you can do is support the couple, hope everything turns out right and they're happy as it's not about anyone but them...she says!

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