FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > What do you make of this?
What do you make of this?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah 
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx |
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I think it's a sensible approach to take. If I get a few messages from the same person then I sometimes block so they realise I'm just not interested. I feel bad doing it though. Personally I wouldn't send a stroppy message out, but that's just not my style |
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Not being silly at all. If it prevents you receiving nasty replies from people it can only be a good thing. Also it removes the people who don’t want to meet you and you can focus on the ones that do.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess there are just so many men and chancers on here. You poor girls get so much attention so must be difficult to reply to all, however a simple. No thankyou is all that is needed. Us men have feelings too. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am terrible at not replying, I read the message, mean to reply but but then forget"
I think we all make time for the things that are important lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe a bit over the top for me. I have had messages deleted but messaged again got a reply and friendships have developed from there. Some people get so many messages they have to do a bulk delete don’t define them by that give them a chance. |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
I've sent a message to someone and it's been deleted or not read.
However, when I've accidently tried to send a second message, there's a warning that flashes up saying something like: You've sent the user a previously unanswered message. Do you still wish to send? I usually bin it. |
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I think you are tarring all those not interested at the time (lots of reasons for deleting messages, doesn't necessarily mean you'll never meet unless specifically told that) with the same brush.
Just because one person acted like a dick (based on your version of events ) doesn't mean everyone is a dick. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am terrible at not replying, I read the message, mean to reply but but then forget
I think we all make time for the things that are important lol x "
Depends on what your perception of important is I guess.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you are tarring all those not interested at the time (lots of reasons for deleting messages, doesn't necessarily mean you'll never meet unless specifically told that) with the same brush.
Just because one person acted like a dick (based on your version of events ) doesn't mean everyone is a dick. "
Agree with this absolutely. |
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"I am terrible at not replying, I read the message, mean to reply but but then forget
I think we all make time for the things that are important lol x
Depends on what your perception of important is I guess.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx"
I don’t think it’s silly. I think it’s a bit of a shame you felt you had to - because of the abuse you got. If you chatted to someone at a club and didn’t get along ... so both just walked away from that, no hard feelings etc ... then happened across them again at another event are you supposed to feel terrible for having said hello? Could just smile/nod and it be nothing more awkward and no need to be abusive to you. You apologised for the second message so no need for the abusive message back really I think? Just my opinion though obvs xx
One thing though ... was “the thrust” of your message really really pervy? 
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think you are tarring all those not interested at the time (lots of reasons for deleting messages, doesn't necessarily mean you'll never meet unless specifically told that) with the same brush.
Just because one person acted like a dick (based on your version of events ) doesn't mean everyone is a dick. "
As I stated Clearly, it isn’t done with malice. It’s just practical - if they delete my message, I don’t want to embrace myself by messaging again. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx
I don’t think it’s silly. I think it’s a bit of a shame you felt you had to - because of the abuse you got. If you chatted to someone at a club and didn’t get along ... so both just walked away from that, no hard feelings etc ... then happened across them again at another event are you supposed to feel terrible for having said hello? Could just smile/nod and it be nothing more awkward and no need to be abusive to you. You apologised for the second message so no need for the abusive message back really I think? Just my opinion though obvs xx
One thing though ... was “the thrust” of your message really really pervy?
Kx "
I don’t do “really Pervy” until I’ve at least sniffed their leftover panties, so.... ** shrugs ** |
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"I guess there are just so many men and chancers on here. You poor girls get so much attention so must be difficult to reply to all, however a simple. No thankyou is all that is needed. Us men have feelings too."
I reply to all messages but sometimes when I say thanks for the compliment but no thanks I get an abrupt reply stating I was just complimenting you not chatting 
I think you just do Whats right for you
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You have site supporter, this tells you if you have had contact with this person in the past and how long ago. You also have the facility to make private notes on profiles. This year I have used the note facility more, making notes on profiles with status updates advertising for meets throughout this Pandemic etc. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Some do the same thing OP or alternately they check to see if the other person's profile has the thing at the top that says "You mailed them X hours/days/weeks etc ago"
Or another that some use is to copy/paste their message into the Private Notes of the person they sent the message to.
There's no need for abuse though if the messages sent were polite and were a good period of time apart |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You have site supporter, this tells you if you have had contact with this person in the past and how long ago. You also have the facility to make private notes on profiles. This year I have used the note facility more, making notes on profiles with status updates advertising for meets throughout this Pandemic etc."
How do you make private note son profiles? Thanks - that’s really useful |
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"I think you are tarring all those not interested at the time (lots of reasons for deleting messages, doesn't necessarily mean you'll never meet unless specifically told that) with the same brush.
Just because one person acted like a dick (based on your version of events ) doesn't mean everyone is a dick.
As I stated Clearly, it isn’t done with malice. It’s just practical - if they delete my message, I don’t want to embrace myself by messaging again. "
I never said it was done with malice but it is a bit like women saying all men are pushy after getting pushy messages from one person. Like someone else has said, the site tells you of someone has not replied to a previous message so to embarrass yourself you'd have to ignore the warning signs and that's on you booboo.
You asked for opinions and I gave you mine. Ultimately you use the site how you see fit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don’t do “really Pervy” until I’ve at least sniffed their leftover panties, so.... ** shrugs **"
 silly
Best thing I can say then is just don’t take it to heart xx |
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"I guess there are just so many men and chancers on here. You poor girls get so much attention so must be difficult to reply to all, however a simple. No thankyou is all that is needed. Us men have feelings too."
How does an inbox full of no thank you make you feel? |
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"You have site supporter, this tells you if you have had contact with this person in the past and how long ago. You also have the facility to make private notes on profiles. This year I have used the note facility more, making notes on profiles with status updates advertising for meets throughout this Pandemic etc.
How do you make private note son profiles? Thanks - that’s really useful "
Sorted |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
I don’t do “really Pervy” until I’ve at least sniffed their leftover panties, so.... ** shrugs **
silly
Best thing I can say then is just don’t take it to heart xx"
Haha. Thanks for that. Tbh it isn’t taken to heart - I appreciate people make their own judgments and we can’t all be attracted to one another. The post was more about people’s views on the approach I was taking It’s just been pointed out to me that you can make notes on anyone’s profile, so in future I will do that! Result. |
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I’m surprised OP - firstly that you took it so personally and secondly that you’ve posted about the experience here. From the occasions we met I’d say you weren’t the type to worry about what others thought when it comes to NSA sex......
Move on from it and accept you’re not everyone’s cup of tea! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I’m surprised OP - firstly that you took it so personally and secondly that you’ve posted about the experience here. From the occasions we met I’d say you weren’t the type to worry about what others thought when it comes to NSA sex......
Move on from it and accept you’re not everyone’s cup of tea!"
I was going to read the thread but this comment caught my attention. Nice one DC, you get that D.  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
You can also put a private note on the profile to indicate you messaged and got no reply.
However, you do have the “you’ve messaged them” indicator in the profile as well as the “you’ve messaged them before” warning when sending another mail.
I see no issue with blocking people who appear to show a lack of interest in your profile/messages.
It doesn’t mean you hold any malice towards them, it just prevents them showing up in searches and your ability to communicate with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx"
I get and understand it but...
One person messaged me and I deleted his message.
Weeks or months later he messaged again. This time added a newer pic and I replied. We've had several meets and he could literally click his fingers and have me whenever he wanted if it wasn't for covid. Covid has got in the way and stopped meets, but can you imagine if he'd blocked me when I deleted his first message?
Just food for thought.
I'd say only block when your given a reason to. Because that second message might just end up being something great and brilliant. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx
I get and understand it but...
One person messaged me and I deleted his message.
Weeks or months later he messaged again. This time added a newer pic and I replied. We've had several meets and he could literally click his fingers and have me whenever he wanted if it wasn't for covid. Covid has got in the way and stopped meets, but can you imagine if he'd blocked me when I deleted his first message?
Just food for thought.
I'd say only block when your given a reason to. Because that second message might just end up being something great and brilliant. "
*you're |
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"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx"
Awwwwww - and here I was thinking I was the only woman you lurved!
In all honesty op I’ve met people in the past (and damned good meets they were too) who’s first couple of messages I ignored or mass deleted.
Like many out there my tastes and wants vary occasionally - sometimes I want a guy who looks hot as fuck on top of me and minimal conversation (very rarely though) - and sometimes I want to meet someone who’s totally on my wavelength in and out of the bedroom - which is a rare find indeed.
There are tossers of all sexes on fab - personally I wouldn’t alter my messaging behaviour in response to the occasional numpty. |
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Firstly you didn't deserve that torrent of abuse. All the other pertain had to do was block you and the problem would have been solved.
If blocking the person helps avoid this happening in the future then go for it. The other person will be happy you did this as they don't want to hear from you. Stop stressing about this one person and get on to the next. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do this all the time I send a message if it's deleted or they check my profile and don't reply block and move on simples if no reply after a few days again block and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This isn't silly, and no one should send abuse unless you pester repeatedly. However, if you block those who delete without reading you could be missing out on people. Some women, myself included, get rather a lot of messages and if we've been offline for a few days they can accumulate to an unreadable quantity so we may bulk delete all messages. That doesn't mean we're not interested in the guys who messaged though, just that their message was lost under a sea of other messages. |
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"This isn't silly, and no one should send abuse unless you pester repeatedly. However, if you block those who delete without reading you could be missing out on people. Some women, myself included, get rather a lot of messages and if we've been offline for a few days they can accumulate to an unreadable quantity so we may bulk delete all messages. That doesn't mean we're not interested in the guys who messaged though, just that their message was lost under a sea of other messages. "
Would an auto polite reply along the lines of thanks but not interested sort this out ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have done similar.
I messaged a nice lady a couple of months ago. It wasn’t read and deleted. Was looking who was online and messaged again a nice looking lady. It turned out I had messaged her already. After realising I continued but didn’t expect nowt in return. To my surprise this time around she replied and we have shared several messages. Just goes to show that with the bulk deletes people are missing out on a potential match. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This isn't silly, and no one should send abuse unless you pester repeatedly. However, if you block those who delete without reading you could be missing out on people. Some women, myself included, get rather a lot of messages and if we've been offline for a few days they can accumulate to an unreadable quantity so we may bulk delete all messages. That doesn't mean we're not interested in the guys who messaged though, just that their message was lost under a sea of other messages.
Would an auto polite reply along the lines of thanks but not interested sort this out ? "
Not really no, because I might be interested! I just haven't seen the message lol |
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"This isn't silly, and no one should send abuse unless you pester repeatedly. However, if you block those who delete without reading you could be missing out on people. Some women, myself included, get rather a lot of messages and if we've been offline for a few days they can accumulate to an unreadable quantity so we may bulk delete all messages. That doesn't mean we're not interested in the guys who messaged though, just that their message was lost under a sea of other messages.
Would an auto polite reply along the lines of thanks but not interested sort this out ? "
There’s currently a problem with that.
At the moment I’ve blocked single males to keep messaging to a minimum - we can’t meet so I see little point in opening new dialogue.
However - everyone I sent a ‘thanks but no thanks’ message to is NOT blocked as we have previous dialogue - ergo blocking single males per se becomes less useful as many can ‘slip through the net’ so to speak.
Ergo I no longer reply if I’m not interested - as it renders the filters useless. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Firstly Happy New Year! - let’s ban covid, move on, can’t get much worse etc, blah blah
So: Last year I read a fabulous profile and then decided to message the rather amazing lady to introduce myself. My messages was read a few hours later and then deleted. “That’s ok” i thought, deflated though I was - it’s just the way of FAB. I moved on with my life and even eventually started sleeping again.
Anyway, fast forward to last summer (remember when we could go out, before covid, way back then ?) and while perusing the forums, I saw several messages from a person that really caught my eye. Intelligent, warm, sharp. So I decided to write her a message.
Imagine my surprise when I realised I’d already messaged her earlier in the year! While the profile name was obviously the same, the pictures had changed and the description had undergone somewhat of a refresh. What I thought to be an innocent and honest “mistake” turned out to be the most heinous crime ever - apparently - as I was subjected to a torrent of abuse. Incidentally, the messages I sent were completely different , ie not copy and paste, even if the thrust of what I was saying was the same (it would be, after all, since she was as attractive to me for the same reasons both times round).
Since that episode, I have a developed a little thing (not “that” thing) where if I’ve sent a message to a person and they read it and delete without replying, or they delete it without reading it at all (normal!), thenI block them, simply because I don’t want to repeat the above scenario. It isn’t meant with any malice, nor because I’m upset, nor to offend. It’s just a practical measure to avoid my blushes (and potentially someone’s wrath) in the future.
Does anyone think I’m being silly about it?
Does anyone else do the same?
Wx"
some people have there heads so far ip there own arses..no manners and think they are better than everybody else  |
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"I guess there are just so many men and chancers on here. You poor girls get so much attention so must be difficult to reply to all, however a simple. No thankyou is all that is needed. Us men have feelings too."
The problem then is that any reply bypasses the filters and the lady may then be showered with all sorts of abuse |
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"I guess there are just so many men and chancers on here. You poor girls get so much attention so must be difficult to reply to all, however a simple. No thankyou is all that is needed. Us men have feelings too.
The problem then is that any reply bypasses the filters and the lady may then be showered with all sorts of abuse"
Correct! Or even with a polite decline the messager sees the opportunity to continue the conversation and then becomes abusive when no reply is received 
Some guys also have a knack of sounding incredibly overbearing or creepy perverted ....  |
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