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Ladies Being approached on the street thoughts
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"How would the approach be made? I'd have no objection to a friendly hello from someone who had the nous to understand if their approach was unwelcome." Exactly- it all depends on how and why I'm being approached. A creepy 'I recognise you from Fab' approach is a definite NOOOOOOOO  | |||
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"Are we talking in a flirty way or those marketing people?" Chuggers are one of the things I haven't missed ! | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite" You look great for 150 plus years old | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite You look great for 150 plus years old "  my thoughts also  | |||
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"It's how it was actually done pre internet and it worked ... in all honesty way better than nowadays when everyone is plugged in and people are actually too afraid to talk to each other! It's sad times we live in ... " | |||
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"It's how it was actually done pre internet and it worked ... in all honesty way better than nowadays when everyone is plugged in and people are actually too afraid to talk to each other! It's sad times we live in ... " Sent from iPhone | |||
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"It's how it was actually done pre internet and it worked ... in all honesty way better than nowadays when everyone is plugged in and people are actually too afraid to talk to each other! It's sad times we live in ... " And enter their narrow search perimeters and only view their preconceived ideas of what they want. Meeting people and talking to people, you'd click and then think, they're actually quite sexy. In the old days  | |||
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"Are we talking about trying to pick a girl up for sex or to see if she's single and wants a coffee sometime ? I can't see an issue if it's the second one but hell no to the first one. Under a none covid situation of course." I think a total stranger approaching them in the street to chat them up would make most freak out. Not a good idea and look weird and desperate | |||
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"It's how it was actually done pre internet and it worked ... in all honesty way better than nowadays when everyone is plugged in and people are actually too afraid to talk to each other! It's sad times we live in ... Sent from iPhone " actually it's not!  | |||
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"I think it's all down to context and how it's done. I had a lady (another customer) come to my table in a restaurant a few weeks ago and just slid a message with her mobile number across to me. I didn't even get a chance to see what she looked like it was that quick!" The old fashioned way ...! | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? " Tesco not the street | |||
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"Are we talking about trying to pick a girl up for sex or to see if she's single and wants a coffee sometime ? I can't see an issue if it's the second one but hell no to the first one. Under a none covid situation of course. I think a total stranger approaching them in the street to chat them up would make most freak out. Not a good idea and look weird and desperate" i think you are right but to be fair it's how it used to be when you approached strangers across the other side of the cafe/bar/pub/club - it worked for your/my parents/grandparents | |||
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"I think it's all down to context and how it's done. I had a lady (another customer) come to my table in a restaurant a few weeks ago and just slid a message with her mobile number across to me. I didn't even get a chance to see what she looked like it was that quick!" It's definitely a context/ how it's done thing. Most attempts I've have been things like telling me to smile, marriage proposal kind of weirdness. Not hi how are you, just boom, will you marry me. No and go away  | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite You look great for 150 plus years old " Thanks, Dorian Grey is my brother  | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite You look great for 150 plus years old my thoughts also "What can I say | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite You look great for 150 plus years old my thoughts also
What can I say "Your secret... And I don't believe in the portrait in the attic thing ... not working for me | |||
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"I’ve approached a woman whose perfume was amazing... I had to ask what it was and she said thank you for saying so.. told me the name and we went on our way. Not sure what was wrong with that tbh... I wasn’t stroking my thighs at the time or did I have my hand down my trousers so not sure that’s creepy ... she seemed quite flattered I asked tbh" She probably felt safe in the knowledge you might have been asking for a girlfriend or sister. Not because you wanted to roger her senseless. | |||
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"I’ve approached a woman whose perfume was amazing... I had to ask what it was and she said thank you for saying so.. told me the name and we went on our way. Not sure what was wrong with that tbh... I wasn’t stroking my thighs at the time or did I have my hand down my trousers so not sure that’s creepy ... she seemed quite flattered I asked tbh She probably felt safe in the knowledge you might have been asking for a girlfriend or sister. Not because you wanted to roger her senseless. "So too subtle you mean lol | |||
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"What a different world we live in now" Yeah, there are too many rules in place nowadays. It used to be a nice ego boost to get some interest and most people accepted a polite ‘no thanks’. Lou x | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. " Or losing the art of making conversation | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite You look great for 150 plus years old my thoughts also
What can I say
Your secret...
And I don't believe in the portrait in the attic thing ... not working for me "Oh ok. A daily rub down with a copy of the Sporting Life and liberal applications of goose grease  | |||
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"I’ve approached a woman whose perfume was amazing... I had to ask what it was and she said thank you for saying so.. told me the name and we went on our way. Not sure what was wrong with that tbh... I wasn’t stroking my thighs at the time or did I have my hand down my trousers so not sure that’s creepy ... she seemed quite flattered I asked tbh She probably felt safe in the knowledge you might have been asking for a girlfriend or sister. Not because you wanted to roger her senseless.
So too subtle you mean lol"Yeah, next time glare at her boobs without blinking | |||
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"Its nice when someone approaches in a friendly and respectful way, just for a chat about anything. Without any second intentions. Then something interesting might come up "
I met a girl in the airport check in queue once and a waitress in a coffee shop , both became good friends. it’s opportunistic not creepy, conversation / chemistry either happens or it doesn’t, it takes 2 | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. " Think its pretty sad myself. Im never going to stop talking to strangers | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. Think its pretty sad myself. Im never going to stop talking to strangers" | |||
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"I’ve approached a woman whose perfume was amazing... I had to ask what it was and she said thank you for saying so.. told me the name and we went on our way. Not sure what was wrong with that tbh... I wasn’t stroking my thighs at the time or did I have my hand down my trousers so not sure that’s creepy ... she seemed quite flattered I asked tbh She probably felt safe in the knowledge you might have been asking for a girlfriend or sister. Not because you wanted to roger her senseless.
So too subtle you mean lol
Yeah, next time glare at her boobs without blinking "With or without my tongue out | |||
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"Weren’t men told it’s toxic masculinity to approach women on the street ?!" But apparently stopping your mate going to say ‘hello’ to a woman isn’t toxic masculinity. | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. " All friends were strangers before they became friends. | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. Think its pretty sad myself. Im never going to stop talking to strangers " | |||
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"A nice smile always worked before everyone started wearing masks " that was my best feature now im fucked! Wearing those feeding bags. | |||
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"My weirdo alarm would be full on red alert" Mine too! it’s a no! | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers "It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random. | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random. "Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport. | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random.
Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport. "Ohhhhh I don't want to be chatted up or have Fab chat in public, but I will pass the time of day with the person in the queue etc | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random.
Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport.
Ohhhhh I don't want to be chatted up or have Fab chat in public, but I will pass the time of day with the person in the queue etc "Yup. I've never been Fab approached but I have had people very obviously try to pick me up in the street. No, I didn't know I had blue eyes. Why thank you kindly for the proposal. I'm sure I would look prettier if I smiled. *seeks escape* | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. Think its pretty sad myself. Im never going to stop talking to strangers" This.. | |||
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"One of the greatest pleasures in life is getting a smile from a nice lady,when you pass them on the street. " I smiled at you on the Pier Head, Lionel, but I had my skull and crossbones mask on  | |||
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"One of the greatest pleasures in life is getting a smile from a nice lady,when you pass them on the street. I smiled at you on the Pier Head, Lionel, but I had my skull and crossbones mask on " | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random.
Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport.
Ohhhhh I don't want to be chatted up or have Fab chat in public, but I will pass the time of day with the person in the queue etc
Yup. I've never been Fab approached but I have had people very obviously try to pick me up in the street. No, I didn't know I had blue eyes. Why thank you kindly for the proposal. I'm sure I would look prettier if I smiled. *seeks escape*"I’m not sure I want to know what a Fab approach is ! | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random.
Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport.
Ohhhhh I don't want to be chatted up or have Fab chat in public, but I will pass the time of day with the person in the queue etc
Yup. I've never been Fab approached but I have had people very obviously try to pick me up in the street. No, I didn't know I had blue eyes. Why thank you kindly for the proposal. I'm sure I would look prettier if I smiled. *seeks escape*
I’m not sure I want to know what a Fab approach is ! ""I've seen you on Fab you're on my hotlist (details about what they think about my profile)... etc" I've had it happen in clubs, but, different
On the street I'd die of embarrassment... Then seek my escape | |||
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"Chit chat out and about can be okay. I'm a Northerner though, we chat on the bus to randomers then go to London and get looked at like we're bonkers
It is better in the North but I’m in Essex and we chat with people out and about. I think context is everything. I had a really good conversation with a woman in a post office queue last week but I would never have stopped her at random.
Yeah, this is fine. I've had some nice no pressure conversations in queues or on public transport.
Ohhhhh I don't want to be chatted up or have Fab chat in public, but I will pass the time of day with the person in the queue etc
Yup. I've never been Fab approached but I have had people very obviously try to pick me up in the street. No, I didn't know I had blue eyes. Why thank you kindly for the proposal. I'm sure I would look prettier if I smiled. *seeks escape*
I’m not sure I want to know what a Fab approach is !
"I've seen you on Fab you're on my hotlist (details about what they think about my profile)... etc"
I've had it happen in clubs, but, different
On the street I'd die of embarrassment... Then seek my escape"I’m a newbie in these parts but of course this must happen. Mortifying, and not a little creepy. | |||
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"Why not. It is what used to happen before the Internet. People connected in person and took it on the chin if the sentiment wasn't reciprocated. I'll soon be able to read the situation and back out if it feels threatening or weird. Or say I'm not up for chatting. But I live near the sea up north and people are generally chatty. " .... and something that shouldn’t stop. | |||
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"I'll stop and say hello to anyone who speaks. Its polite and kind. Some people are very lonely and me saying a hello and chat about the weather may be the only conversation they have in the day. I also wouldn't mind if someone paid me a compliment for example. It's nice to be nice. But then we are Northerners who are known for being a friendly chatty bunch." This leaving someone with a smile is extremely rewarding, more in these times. So approach nice and friendly when you can, a lil hello and a smile can turn a grey day into something else  | |||
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"I don't want to be approached in public, not by anyone. I am autistic and never figured out small talk, I don't know what to say and it makes me uncomfortable. Plus I suffer from social anxiety and agoraphobia so when I am outside my house I am constantly on the verge of a panic attack. Plus, multiple bad experiences have sadly made me very wary of men I don't know. I have a tendency to completely blank people when I am out in public because if I actually had to interact with people, I would never leave my house. I actually didn't, for two years. " Oh sorry I didn't mean to ignore anyone or generalize. Obviously to respect everyone's personal needs and space is essential and would defend that at all costs. | |||
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2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep" | |||
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"How funny. I was going to say I wouldn't dare initiate conversation with a woman anywhere for fear of an "toxic masculinity" alert. That lands me in hot water and a "#metoo" reputation. I actually actively try to avoid any situation that could put me at risk of an allegation. But it's literally the normal way to meet people, less than 20 years ago the only way. But the attitude on here shows it's just not worth the risk saying hi and attempting to start a conversion in real life... it's somehow now "weird and creepy". 2000 "how did you meet?" "On the internet" " "
2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep" "It’s only creepy if you make it creepy though. I had a guy approach me in the supermarket last week, for the first 5 seconds I was flattered, then after the third compliment about my eyes it turned into creep territory
So many people lack social skills these days! | |||
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"How funny. I was going to say I wouldn't dare initiate conversation with a woman anywhere for fear of an "toxic masculinity" alert. That lands me in hot water and a "#metoo" reputation. I actually actively try to avoid any situation that could put me at risk of an allegation. But it's literally the normal way to meet people, less than 20 years ago the only way. But the attitude on here shows it's just not worth the risk saying hi and attempting to start a conversion in real life... it's somehow now "weird and creepy". 2000 "how did you meet?" "On the internet" " "
2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep"
It’s only creepy if you make it creepy though.
I had a guy approach me in the supermarket last week, for the first 5 seconds I was flattered, then after the third compliment about my eyes it turned into creep territory
So many people lack social skills these days!"Yes. It's creepy if you're creepy. So... don't be creepy. And my bar for "not creepy" is not high | |||
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"How funny. I was going to say I wouldn't dare initiate conversation with a woman anywhere for fear of an "toxic masculinity" alert. That lands me in hot water and a "#metoo" reputation. I actually actively try to avoid any situation that could put me at risk of an allegation. But it's literally the normal way to meet people, less than 20 years ago the only way. But the attitude on here shows it's just not worth the risk saying hi and attempting to start a conversion in real life... it's somehow now "weird and creepy". 2000 "how did you meet?" "On the internet" " "
2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep"
It’s only creepy if you make it creepy though.
I had a guy approach me in the supermarket last week, for the first 5 seconds I was flattered, then after the third compliment about my eyes it turned into creep territory
So many people lack social skills these days!"I suspect that for many women it was always creepy, but it was more normalised. Almost all women have horror stories or being harassed or followed in public. | |||
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"How funny. I was going to say I wouldn't dare initiate conversation with a woman anywhere for fear of an "toxic masculinity" alert. That lands me in hot water and a "#metoo" reputation. I actually actively try to avoid any situation that could put me at risk of an allegation. But it's literally the normal way to meet people, less than 20 years ago the only way. But the attitude on here shows it's just not worth the risk saying hi and attempting to start a conversion in real life... it's somehow now "weird and creepy". 2000 "how did you meet?" "On the internet" " "
2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep"
It’s only creepy if you make it creepy though.
I had a guy approach me in the supermarket last week, for the first 5 seconds I was flattered, then after the third compliment about my eyes it turned into creep territory
So many people lack social skills these days!
I suspect that for many women it was always creepy, but it was more normalised. Almost all women have horror stories or being harassed or followed in public. "Yup yup | |||
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"How funny. I was going to say I wouldn't dare initiate conversation with a woman anywhere for fear of an "toxic masculinity" alert. That lands me in hot water and a "#metoo" reputation. I actually actively try to avoid any situation that could put me at risk of an allegation. But it's literally the normal way to meet people, less than 20 years ago the only way. But the attitude on here shows it's just not worth the risk saying hi and attempting to start a conversion in real life... it's somehow now "weird and creepy". 2000 "how did you meet?" "On the internet" " "
2020 "how did you meet?" "ah he said hi to me in the street" " what a creep"
It’s only creepy if you make it creepy though.
I had a guy approach me in the supermarket last week, for the first 5 seconds I was flattered, then after the third compliment about my eyes it turned into creep territory
So many people lack social skills these days!
I suspect that for many women it was always creepy, but it was more normalised. Almost all women have horror stories or being harassed or followed in public. "Exactly this. Approaching people cold in the street is creepy. It's rude, it's aggressive and it's selfish. Doesn't matter what your motivation is; you've decided that your desire to speak to someone outweighs their right to be left untroubled. (Also, what planet do you lot live on where a stranger approaching you in the street isn't a prelude to, at best, verbal harassment, and at worst physical assault? Things must be different on Short Person World.) Also, to all the people saying it used to be the only way to meet people... no. Pre-internet, we met people in designated social spaces – clubs and bars and what have you. Attending those places contains an implicit signal that one might be open to being approached. Walking down the street or buying your groceries? No, absolutely not. Just leave people alone. Them being outside isn't grounds for you to pester them. | |||
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"What a sad, sad world we now live in. Ultra depressing that people shouldn't speak to each other. I was in a pub some time ago and witness the most bizarre thing, youngsters stalking each others social media and messaging eachother rather than chatting face to face even though they were in the same pub. " This thread does make sad reading there will come a time people will lose the ability to speak | |||
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Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that "Lmao preferably not down a dark ally! | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that
Lmao preferably not down a dark ally!"No no, I think that’s classed as creepy | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that "I find that hard to believe  | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that
I find that hard to believe "Which part? The dark alley part? | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that
I find that hard to believe
Which part? The dark alley part? "Yeah the dark alley part haha the staring at you in the street part too | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? " Nope | |||
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"A compliment is nice. Leery comments or stating fab, or aprroaching when I am with my kids. No. Just no." This. If done with discretion I have no problem. Letchy comments, heavy hints, etc are just cringe worthy and creepy. Just talk to me normally and don't send me a creepy message on fab afterwards saying you met me and not stating where and when, that will just get you blocked. | |||
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"What a sad, sad world we now live in. Ultra depressing that people shouldn't speak to each other. I was in a pub some time ago and witness the most bizarre thing, youngsters stalking each others social media and messaging eachother rather than chatting face to face even though they were in the same pub. " I've seen this too, so sad.  | |||
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"What a sad, sad world we used to live in. Ultra depressing that people thought it was okay to inflict themselves on strangers just minding their own business in the street. " I really don't understand this notion you have that people are inflicting themselves on people. As previous stated by myself, and plenty of others here, as long as guys aren't acting like tossers it's fine to strike up a conversation. | |||
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"I don’t even get looked at in the street so I would welcome someone coming to talk to me. Obviously not in a creepy way and certainly not trying to sell me something or if I have children with me and possibly not down a dark ally
Seriously though I don’t think there is anything wrong with a nice hello, god knows what you would say after that
I find that hard to believe
Which part? The dark alley part?
Yeah the dark alley part haha the staring at you in the street part too "Staring at me Implies they look at me.... they do not . This is the actual truth. I am not people’s “type” with clothes on it seems | |||
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"What a sad, sad world we used to live in. Ultra depressing that people thought it was okay to inflict themselves on strangers just minding their own business in the street. I really don't understand this notion you have that people are inflicting themselves on people. " I really don't understand this notion you have that people *aren't*. I find it difficult to comprehend the level of arrogance required to think that the random person trying to get to work or catch a bus or whatever should be subjected to your desire to intrude upon their thoughts. And that's before we get into how terrifying it can be for a woman to be approached cold by a strange guy. It's awful. If ten women "miss out" on receiving compliments from me to spare the stress caused to one woman just quite understandably wants to me left alone, fine, I'll pay that price. I refuse to make anyone uncomfortable just because I've got the horn for a stranger. | |||
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"I can see both sides of what people are saying but have to disagree with the notion that no one should be approached, ever.. Are we all supposed to meet electronically now? Vetted by our desires or even worse by some algorithms from a site that doesn’t know us. What ever happened to striking up a conversation.? Accepting a ‘no’ gracefully.? Many years ago and prior to meeting Becky, I had a year long relationship with a girl I met in a motorway traffic jam, I’d noticed her doing her hair and commented. In the past, I’ve complimented ladies on their outfits or shoes. One lady, at London Bridge station was over the moon that I’d noticed her Leboutins. Seriously, the default setting shouldn’t be ‘creepy’ but we are social animals, be social towards people. You never know who you’ll meet. " Absolutely this ^^^ we're so far down a slippery slope of talking to strangers is 'creepy' or 'disrespectful' that now society is doomed ... like lots of leisure clubs & hobbies shut for good because noone will take over from 80 yo Maud who's run it for the last 50 years ... just because noone will talk to each other or give up 'their' precious time! Well I've made more real life friends and gone out for more drinks with guys from just talking to a stranger (that lush hi & first smile) than I ever have off here or anything online! And will, hopefully, continue to be creeped out by disrespectful strangers for many more adventures to come!! | |||
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"PS I will add that there ao many more wonderful things to life than just the sex that here reduces life to that talking to a strangers has absolutely nothing to do with! But may just lead to the best kind of adventures ever "This. I think some people are seeing every encounter through the prism of sex. If you approach a random woman/person looking for sex then I think by definition you’re probably a creep and should f right off, but there’s a whole spectrum of social interaction beside sex ! And anyone with half a brain should realise if someone is uncomfortable with you talking to them and leave them be. | |||
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"PS I will add that there ao many more wonderful things to life than just the sex that here reduces life to that talking to a strangers has absolutely nothing to do with! But may just lead to the best kind of adventures ever
This. I think some people are seeing every encounter through the prism of sex. If you approach a random woman/person looking for sex then I think by definition you’re probably a creep and should f right off, but there’s a whole spectrum of social interaction beside sex ! And anyone with half a brain should realise if someone is uncomfortable with you talking to them and leave them be."This said since being on here/pof I have looked at people out and about and viewed them and rated them like I do people here more! ie nice bum face etc., x | |||
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"I tried chatting a woman up in my local Sainsbury’s, I walked right up to her and said ‘Excuse me, has anyone ever told you, you’re stood right in the way of the Dairylea Lunchables ?!’ Cut to the evening and I’m at home crying into a Cheesy savoury based snack by myself. " Whoops this actually made me laugh!  | |||
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"After reading some of the other posts I should point out that I’m absolutely not condoning approaching a total stranger and flat out asking for sex.! If you need that pointing out to you then you have other much bigger issues to deal with.. This brings up so many parallels with all of the ‘single guys in clubs’ threads. If we lose the art of introduction and conversation, we’ll never be able to socialise... " No, that’s not how your post read ! Of course we all experience everyday attraction but I hope most adults can chat and even flirt without it being overtly sexual- as others have said, perhaps these social skills are in decline ? | |||
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"Are we all supposed to meet electronically now? Vetted by our desires or even worse by some algorithms from a site that doesn’t know us. What ever happened to striking up a conversation.? Accepting a ‘no’ gracefully.?" Nobody is saying that. See what I said in one of my previous posts: "Also, to all the people saying it used to be the only way to meet people... no. Pre-internet, we met people in designated social spaces – clubs and bars and what have you. Attending those places contains an implicit signal that one might be open to being approached. Walking down the street or buying your groceries? No, absolutely not." You exercise your social skills in spaces where approaching people is implicitly acceptable. Telling a woman you like her shoes in your local swinging club? Absolutely fine. Telling a woman you like her shoes in a dark alley at four in the morning? I hope she's already called the police. | |||
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"After reading some of the other posts I should point out that I’m absolutely not condoning approaching a total stranger and flat out asking for sex.! If you need that pointing out to you then you have other much bigger issues to deal with.. This brings up so many parallels with all of the ‘single guys in clubs’ threads. If we lose the art of introduction and conversation, we’ll never be able to socialise... " Precisely! I've never once been approached "looking for sex" in my life thankfully, and I do think on here everyone's focus is sex so not an easy place for opinions on this topic. Unfortunately in life there are a small minority, thankfully, of guys who do actually believe ladies are here just for sex! But that is a whole different kettle of fish ... just talking to anyone should just be fun, a laugh, to make people smile and who knows, perhaps an adventure? | |||
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" Are we all supposed to meet electronically now? Vetted by our desires or even worse by some algorithms from a site that doesn’t know us. What ever happened to striking up a conversation.? Accepting a ‘no’ gracefully.? Nobody is saying that. See what I said in one of my previous posts: Also, to all the people saying it used to be the only way to meet people... no. Pre-internet, we met people in designated social spaces – clubs and bars and what have you. Attending those places contains an implicit signal that one might be open to being approached. Walking down the street or buying your groceries? No, absolutely not. You exercise your social skills in spaces where approaching people is implicitly acceptable. Telling a woman you like her shoes in your local swinging club? Absolutely fine. Telling a woman you like her shoes in a dark alley at four in the morning? I hope she's already called the police. " Your focus has very much been on approaching ladies in very much inappropriate times/places though? And tbh there is nothing wrong at 0400 asking a lady on her own if she's ok! But honestly telling a lady you like her shoes absolutely anywhere will make her smile and probably her day! Why do you think it's so wrong? I except not everyone has the inclination or the social skills to talk to a stranger then they don't have to do it! But honestly, people have talked to people, strangers, since we started moving houses for whatever reason | |||
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"Yes, it's great that people are getting more progressive about respectfully leaving strangers alone. " | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? " I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. " Now hang on, some of that is on you | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you " Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you " What, being polite, responding to a social interaction that she found pleasant, and believing what someone told her? Oh how awful. Women should stop doing that | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. " Would the behaviour be viewed as shitty if they'd lived happily ever after? Because the thread is about the behaviour rather than the outcome | |||
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"I've had plenty of nice, pressure free conversations with strangers. It's an intrusion yes, but I've become used to it. I can count on one finger the number of friends I've made from encounters like these. I need more than one hand for the marriage proposal within a few sentences type, and I've lost count of the picking up or leering creepy type. I'll be polite and pleasant, and give the benefit of the doubt. But people learning when to back off, to read discomfort, to not impose themselves on others, is their end of the bargain." It’s good to hear these experiences, definitely gives pause for thought. It’s clear that even what one person perceives as friendly/innocent can be unsettling for another person. Think I’ll just go back to talking with myself when I’m out ! | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. Would the behaviour be viewed as shitty if they'd lived happily ever after? Because the thread is about the behaviour rather than the outcome " Cheating on his wife, trying to pick up women in random places, a two-year campaign of harrassment... sounds like shitty behaviour to me. | |||
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"I've had plenty of nice, pressure free conversations with strangers. It's an intrusion yes, but I've become used to it. I can count on one finger the number of friends I've made from encounters like these. I need more than one hand for the marriage proposal within a few sentences type, and I've lost count of the picking up or leering creepy type. I'll be polite and pleasant, and give the benefit of the doubt. But people learning when to back off, to read discomfort, to not impose themselves on others, is their end of the bargain. It’s good to hear these experiences, definitely gives pause for thought. It’s clear that even what one person perceives as friendly/innocent can be unsettling for another person. Think I’ll just go back to talking with myself when I’m out !" It's one of these weird cultural touchstones for me. The stuff that's not ok is so obviously not ok... But when I talk about it it's like, I want to ban all social interaction. No? Just... Think about what the other person might want (from a perspective other than your own), watch for signs that the other person isn't interested, treat someone with the respect and consideration you'd expect for yourself, your sister, or your mother. | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. Would the behaviour be viewed as shitty if they'd lived happily ever after? Because the thread is about the behaviour rather than the outcome Cheating on his wife, trying to pick up women in random places, a two-year campaign of harrassment... sounds like shitty behaviour to me. " It absolutely is.I was more referring to the initial approach (which the poster went along with) but then the comment that approaching women in the street is not good. | |||
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"Your focus has very much been on approaching ladies in very much inappropriate times/places though? Because men do this ALL THE FUCKING TIME and all the women in my life are utterly sick of the harrassment. Seriously: Any approach outside of the kind of social spaces I've referred to above is harrassment. Leave people alone. Unfortunately, too many of the approaches *in* those social spaces are harrassment too. Men are fucking awful. I've worked in enough clubs, intervened enough times, made sure enough people got home okay in the end. I don't even have to *do* anything. I just have to be there. Because the sort of men who pull this shit back right the fuck off once another man is present. Because they respect the "property rights" of another man more than they respect the rights of women to live a life free of random creepers. Vile. " I'm really sorry that you have had to experience such awful behaviour and that it has all legt you with such a negative view of men but this really is the opposite of my life experiences. To be fair, in my clubbing days we knew it was viewed as a cattle market and that d*unk men can become leery but luckily because we knew that and we never excepted it we all had mainly awesome times - though a sign of the negatively changing times if it keeps getting worse! Likewise I have male friends who when trying to really offer help (ie help with changing a burst tyre at the side of a road) that a lady has told to eff off they can do it themselves and when passing back two hours later is still there waiting for the rescue service it's a very sad state of affairs but you can't judge a whole gender on somes bad behaviour! I'm lucky inasmuch as I've had fun meeting and talking to strangers in all kinds of situations and places ... maybe it's a little to do with my outlook and expectations perhaps as I'm annoyingly happy and optimistic? | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. Would the behaviour be viewed as shitty if they'd lived happily ever after? Because the thread is about the behaviour rather than the outcome Cheating on his wife, trying to pick up women in random places, a two-year campaign of harrassment... sounds like shitty behaviour to me. " Ok, now I’m not trying to get into an argument with you but you really are generalising a lot about ALL men’s actions here... Perhaps even you’re gentlemanly approach to looking after women you see on the street in the early hours of the morning could be misconstrued by someone... There are some people that are idiots, agreed, and their approach to talking to ANYONE is always questionable, but, not everyone is the same. How would you like us to socialise? Prearranged meets in defined areas? Having chaperones.? Arranged marriages.? If someone talks to me and I don’t want them to, I’ll make that clear, politely. If someone strikes up a conversation and then other party is ok with it then that relationship can develop the same way that all others can.. Whilst unfortunate that the lady above had a bad experience, that could have happened by meeting the guy in one of your ‘approved’ socialising spaces as well... | |||
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"I've had plenty of nice, pressure free conversations with strangers. It's an intrusion yes, but I've become used to it. I can count on one finger the number of friends I've made from encounters like these. I need more than one hand for the marriage proposal within a few sentences type, and I've lost count of the picking up or leering creepy type. I'll be polite and pleasant, and give the benefit of the doubt. But people learning when to back off, to read discomfort, to not impose themselves on others, is their end of the bargain. It’s good to hear these experiences, definitely gives pause for thought. It’s clear that even what one person perceives as friendly/innocent can be unsettling for another person. Think I’ll just go back to talking with myself when I’m out ! It's one of these weird cultural touchstones for me. The stuff that's not ok is so obviously not ok... But when I talk about it it's like, I want to ban all social interaction. No? Just... Think about what the other person might want (from a perspective other than your own), watch for signs that the other person isn't interested, treat someone with the respect and consideration you'd expect for yourself, your sister, or your mother. " Yes | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? I was once ‘approached’ in Sainsbury’s car park while putting shopping in my boot. He offered coffee, bought me flowers, we swapped phone numbers and he took me for a meal. Discovered he was married and living 200 miles away. He admitted he ‘picked’ women up in random areas like supermarkets to get sex eventually. I ended it with him and blocked him but he bought new SIM cards and pestered me for 2 years ringing and texting me. Not good approaching women in the street. Now hang on, some of that is on you Ooh yay, victim blaming! Nobody is responsible for that man's shitty behaviour except him. Would the behaviour be viewed as shitty if they'd lived happily ever after? Because the thread is about the behaviour rather than the outcome Cheating on his wife, trying to pick up women in random places, a two-year campaign of harrassment... sounds like shitty behaviour to me. Ok, now I’m not trying to get into an argument with you but you really are generalising a lot about ALL men’s actions here... Perhaps even you’re gentlemanly approach to looking after women you see on the street in the early hours of the morning could be misconstrued by someone... There are some people that are idiots, agreed, and their approach to talking to ANYONE is always questionable, but, not everyone is the same. How would you like us to socialise? Prearranged meets in defined areas? Having chaperones.? Arranged marriages.? If someone talks to me and I don’t want them to, I’ll make that clear, politely. If someone strikes up a conversation and then other party is ok with it then that relationship can develop the same way that all others can.. Whilst unfortunate that the lady above had a bad experience, that could have happened by meeting the guy in one of your ‘approved’ socialising spaces as well... " I think he's talking about a specific situation. I think everyone should consider others' comfort and how they might be perceived. Seriously. That's it. | |||
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"I'm really sorry that you have had to experience such awful behaviour and that it has all legt you with such a negative view of men but this really is the opposite of my life experiences. It's not *me* who experiences the awful behaviour. I'm a giant cishet white bloke, so I'm completely safe. It's the people I care about who get pestered, harassed, mugged, assaulted, r*ped. I wish I was exaggerating. I don't know any women who haven't had these experiences. To be fair, in my clubbing days we knew it was viewed as a cattle market and that d*unk men can become leery but luckily because we knew that I'm sorry that you had those experiences too. You deserved to be treated better than that. Knowing that such behaviour is probably coming doesn't make that behaviour in any way accptable though. a sign of the negatively changing times if it keeps getting worse! I don't thing that it's getting worse. What's changing is that women are feeling increasingly empowered to speak up about the shitty treatment they receive. It won't help the people who've already suffered, but if they and their allies keep fighting, maybe other people won't have to go through such awful shit in future. Likewise I have male friends who when trying to really offer help (ie help with changing a burst tyre at the side of a road) that a lady has told to eff off they can do it themselves and when passing back two hours later is still there waiting for the rescue service it's a very sad state of affairs So, here are the questions we need to ask about that: - Were your male friends, perhaps unwittingly, doing something so threatening that lady they were offering to help felt she had to react like that? - If not, what has that lady been through in the past to make her react like than when approached by a man? It is zero surprise to me that a lone woman would rather wait for an official rescue than engage with some random dude who approached her. you can't judge a whole gender on somes bad behaviour! You absolutely can. You *have* to. The single biggest killer of women in some age groups is men. When your physical safety is under direct threat, is it worth the risk to find out first-hand whether *this* man is one of the vanishingly few nice ones? It's more important that women keep themselves safe than it is that they spare the feelings of random dudes. I'm lucky inasmuch as I've had fun meeting and talking to strangers in all kinds of situations and places ... maybe it's a little to do with my outlook and expectations perhaps as I'm annoyingly happy and optimistic? Can you see how what you've just said here is victim-blaming? "Maybe if the victims has just been nicer to their attacker, he wouldn't have attacked them." NOBODY IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE ABUSER'S BEHAVIOUR EXCEPT THE ABUSER. " I didn't have any bad times clubbing so no need to apologise, denying nice people offering to help is just making the whole situation worse and I have had an awesome time, seriously no victim to blame! Just me being me in my life ... This is a really sad read ... assuming all men are abusers and all women have been abused! Kinda put a dampner on my day! One bad egg doesn't make the whole basket rotten ... people abuse not just men and not all people are abusers. Right unfortunately without a smile right now I have to go and work this morning but luckily it will involve laughter ... hopefully we all will meet lovely people in the future however we choose to meet them and whatever circumstances lead us to meet! Here's to next year getting easier than this one! Happy New Year folks!! | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female " No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. | |||
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"What a sad , sad world we live in . This thread is a real eye opener . God help so many of you where you are terrified of real social interaction of even the mildest kind . Thank flip I’m old enough to have seen normality in the past and that I still live in wales where I find it normal that strangers pass you with a smile and a “ Hiya mate, how’s it going like ?” I really feel sorry for so many of you . Living your lives looking straight ahead, avoiding speaking to anyone and everyone and scared witless of other humans at all times in all places God help the generation that come after you " The feeling is mutual, don't worry. | |||
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"The best way to attract a womans attention is to throw a chocolate cake at her head" Make sure it’s a nice soft sponge cake tho .. | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer." Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? " You're advocating caring less about how your interactions will be perceived. And conflating unwelcome and creepy with criminal. If you're not thinking whether an interaction will be welcome, you should. If you think there's a risk it might be unwelcome, you should consider refraining because it's not just about you. If you can't see the difference between "consider the feelings of others" and "criminalise all men and drive humanity into extinction", then I'm not the one with the problem. | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? " You’re a Taffy, just say “ hello “ when you pass me in the street in Cardiff , I’ll just smile and say hello back . I’m the wrinkly blonde woman | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? " To be honest, when I read your contribution I was a bit confused... you say that "approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment" and then "it’s all about the manner and situation"... then back to it not being harassment... But if there are poor manners and the situation is wrong you concede it could be harassment right?
So what's your point? | |||
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"What a sad , sad world we live in . This thread is a real eye opener . God help so many of you where you are terrified of real social interaction of even the mildest kind . Thank flip I’m old enough to have seen normality in the past and that I still live in wales where I find it normal that strangers pass you with a smile and a “ Hiya mate, how’s it going like ?” I really feel sorry for so many of you . Living your lives looking straight ahead, avoiding speaking to anyone and everyone and scared witless of other humans at all times in all places God help the generation that come after you " Precisely this ^^^ so incredibly sad! | |||
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"Is it OK or not?? " I can field this one. Depends. There are situations where it's OK. There are many more where it's not. Don't be a creepy fucker* and you'll likely be fine. *You're probably being a creepy fucker if**: You're just approaching a woman because it's a woman. You are being dishonest in your words and actions. You think wolf whistling is a nice compliment. You're thinking about having sex with the woman you're approaching. **This list is not exhaustive. Creepy fuckery is broad ranging, encompassing many behaviours and intentions. Examine your both and if you're not sure you're being creepy, you probably are. | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? To be honest, when I read your contribution I was a bit confused... you say that "approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment" and then "it’s all about the manner and situation"... then back to it not being harassment... But if there are poor manners and the situation is wrong you concede it could be harassment right?
So what's your point? "Harassment is a course of conduct... not one off. If you approach someone and it’s unwanted and the person tells you as much, a continuance of that behaviour may constitute harassment... simply engaging initially is not | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? To be honest, when I read your contribution I was a bit confused... you say that "approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment" and then "it’s all about the manner and situation"... then back to it not being harassment... But if there are poor manners and the situation is wrong you concede it could be harassment right?
So what's your point?
Harassment is a course of conduct... not one off. If you approach someone and it’s unwanted and the person tells you as much, a continuance of that behaviour may constitute harassment... simply engaging initially is not "So because harassment is a course of conduct, a single instance of being a creep is fine? Murder is bad. Assault is just dandy. | |||
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" Harassment is a course of conduct... not one off. If you approach someone and it’s unwanted and the person tells you as much, a continuance of that behaviour may constitute harassment... simply engaging initially is not " What if the person, usually a woman, doesn’t feel safe enough to tell you it’s unwanted? | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? You're advocating caring less about how your interactions will be perceived. And conflating unwelcome and creepy with criminal. If you're not thinking whether an interaction will be welcome, you should. If you think there's a risk it might be unwelcome, you should consider refraining because it's not just about you. If you can't see the difference between "consider the feelings of others" and "criminalise all men and drive humanity into extinction", then I'm not the one with the problem." Ah right okay.couple of things... Read the thread about mention of it being harassment... then you’ll understand why I mentioned criminalised behaviour. Secondly, because I may pass pleasantries with someone does not mean feelings aren’t considered... you are insinuating that because it may not be welcome by some don’t interact at all with anyone? Am I right? | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? To be honest, when I read your contribution I was a bit confused... you say that "approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment" and then "it’s all about the manner and situation"... then back to it not being harassment... But if there are poor manners and the situation is wrong you concede it could be harassment right?
So what's your point?
Harassment is a course of conduct... not one off. If you approach someone and it’s unwanted and the person tells you as much, a continuance of that behaviour may constitute harassment... simply engaging initially is not "Hmm... don't want to get bogged down in this, but read a dictionary: harassment (noun): 1. The act of annoying or worrying somebody by putting pressure on them or saying or doing unpleasant things to them So... no. | |||
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"Sorry, very rare I get slightly serious on here, but approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment... harassment is a particular pattern of behaviour... passing a compliment onto someone is what we should be doing far more of. I am sick and tired of people quite happily passing on judgmental and negative things and neglecting the positives. Now don’t get me wrong, it’s all about the manner and situation but to say it’s harassment is a dangerous link to what is a criminal offence. Not engaging with people is not a world I want to live in. And if I see someone upset in the street I want to be confident enough to check on them without it feeling wrong. Male or female No, but sometimes it's unwelcome and creepy. Rather than tightly defining words, how about working to behave in ways that make others comfortable, recognising their needs? "I want to express myself so you need to be less sensitive" is not the answer. Where did I mention being less sensitive? Read my post again... and every persons needs are different so tell me... is it best to not interact on any level with a stranger just in case? Is that what you are advocating? To be honest, when I read your contribution I was a bit confused... you say that "approaching anyone male or female does not constitute any kind of harassment" and then "it’s all about the manner and situation"... then back to it not being harassment... But if there are poor manners and the situation is wrong you concede it could be harassment right?
So what's your point?
Harassment is a course of conduct... not one off. If you approach someone and it’s unwanted and the person tells you as much, a continuance of that behaviour may constitute harassment... simply engaging initially is not "I see what you mean but surely if you walked down the street for example and approached by multiple people it would be classed as being harassed ? Even if it was a single individual event, it still is reoccurring no ? | |||
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"150 years ago I was quite often approached by guys in the street, on the train or the bus etc. We'd exchange numbers, sometimes I'd even give them the correct one. Nearly all of them knew how to behave in public and the general rules of polite social interaction. Women would strike up conversation with me too. Nowadays I'm rarely approached in the street but in cafes etc people chat but I'm so old it's only to be polite" I have to go further with this. Those are days that I recognise too. Offices and factories letting out. Going to shops to buy your lunch ( I had more bloody fruit than I cared for when I fancied one bloke in there ) The comment you make ....... 'know how to behave in public ' that's the crux really. I'd spent many a journey on a bus hoping the bloke I fancied would get on the bus again and hoping even more that we'd make eye contact. It was the done thing to smile at each other, to pass numbers, to talk in bus stops or on journeys to people you'd seen more than once. Even better you could strike up conversations and do some fact finding and give your hunches a shake over and feel safe before meeting out of your daily routine. It wasn't weird to speak face to face. It was an everyday occurrence. I don't think the way society has gone makes it easier to approach others, I think it's the opposite. Beware the 'weirdos' the 'creeps' and the 'others' | |||
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