FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Polite Decline
Polite Decline
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Even though it’s a decline, I find a polite decline to a sent message still such a little heart warmer.
I take it as a small compliment that
A: the person/people I messaged & hoped would be nice people - were nice as a polite decline proves
and
B: they thought I was deserving of a polite decline rather than a delete or just ignore
PS this is just a post applauding this part of Fab and NOT to encourage an avalanche of reasons why people DONT
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pete promises to only call someone a cunt if they deserve it....and 95% of messages we get from guys really do! We're polite if it's a good respectful message and someone has obviously read the profile! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not long after joining I sent a polite message to someone who is often high on Hot Photos, so I assume they get hundreds of messages. Same day I received a friendly thanks for my comments.
Have also sent friendly, thoughtful messages with face pics to profiles that mentioned how they appreciated ‘real’ messages and got a delete and block !
As you say, a one line ‘thanks, no thanks’ can go a long way.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To put an alternative spin on it though...imagine every one currently unreplied to was someone saying they're not into you, even politely. That can't feel nice. Maybe not replying is actually kinder sometimes, as it gives the get out clause that we're all just rude bitches? I can live with someone thinking that of me if it makes them feel better, over trying to put together responses that shut down the conversation nicely but don't sound patronising  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"To put an alternative spin on it though...imagine every one currently unreplied to was someone saying they're not into you, even politely. That can't feel nice. Maybe not replying is actually kinder sometimes, as it gives the get out clause that we're all just rude bitches? I can live with someone thinking that of me if it makes them feel better, over trying to put together responses that shut down the conversation nicely but don't sound patronising "
My polite decline just thanked me for the nice opening message - but he didn’t think I was his wife’s type and good luck
He knows her best so who am I to argue
If you don’t accept some people won’t be attracted to you while others will think you’re amazing then I fear for your Fab journey as well as life journey too
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To put an alternative spin on it though...imagine every one currently unreplied to was someone saying they're not into you, even politely. That can't feel nice. Maybe not replying is actually kinder sometimes, as it gives the get out clause that we're all just rude bitches? I can live with someone thinking that of me if it makes them feel better, over trying to put together responses that shut down the conversation nicely but don't sound patronising "
I think if someone doesn’t reply it’s a good guess that they’re not interested! I wouldn’t assume someone is rude for not replying, everyone handles their messages in their own way, but personally I’d prefer a ‘thanks, no thanks’ to end the conversation. If I continued after that I’d expect to be blocked.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To put an alternative spin on it though...imagine every one currently unreplied to was someone saying they're not into you, even politely. That can't feel nice. Maybe not replying is actually kinder sometimes, as it gives the get out clause that we're all just rude bitches? I can live with someone thinking that of me if it makes them feel better, over trying to put together responses that shut down the conversation nicely but don't sound patronising
My polite decline just thanked me for the nice opening message - but he didn’t think I was his wife’s type and good luck
He knows her best so who am I to argue
If you don’t accept some people won’t be attracted to you while others will think you’re amazing then I fear for your Fab journey as well as life journey too
"
Good attitude, I agree  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah, I have no expectation of a reply from anyone really but a polite ‘no thanks’ is always a pleasure, especially considering how many messages most women and couples must receive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We reply to people who have read our profile but not to people who very clearly haven't or who have chosen to ignore it.
Who are the nice people in those circumstances?"
Yeah, I think it’s fair to assume the zero effort crowd don’t deserve the attention. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even though it’s a decline, I find a polite decline to a sent message still such a little heart warmer.
I take it as a small compliment that
A: the person/people I messaged & hoped would be nice people - were nice as a polite decline proves
and
B: they thought I was deserving of a polite decline rather than a delete or just ignore
PS this is just a post applauding this part of Fab and NOT to encourage an avalanche of reasons why people DONT
"
Which is why we reply to every message received but to be fair I’m struggling with the “hey hi hello” messages.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even though it’s a decline, I find a polite decline to a sent message still such a little heart warmer.
I take it as a small compliment that
A: the person/people I messaged & hoped would be nice people - were nice as a polite decline proves
and
B: they thought I was deserving of a polite decline rather than a delete or just ignore
PS this is just a post applauding this part of Fab and NOT to encourage an avalanche of reasons why people DONT
"
I reply to all my messages unless they're beyond rude in them. It's a simple act of courtesy. I only wish more were like it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think with a polite decline comes a lot more respect for me. I would politely decline as a matter of respect however I’m sure the ladies get inundated with messages. |
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By *innMan
over a year ago
edinburgh |
When I send a message I have read the couples profile and I obviously like what I’ve read, sometimes the pictures encourage me too.
I don’t always message with a view to meeting people - sometimes it’s just to compliment them or say something nice.
If every message you send is just about wanting a quick connect for sex, I personally believe, you are missing out on a part of the swinging lifestyle.
We are a community on the periphery of society, not as underground as we use to be. But it’s still a thrilling lifestyle. |
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By *inaryGuyMan
over a year ago
Near the River |
I have seen the number of messages in the inboxes of some female friends and some are in the hundreds. Sadly the guys vastly outnumber the gals and the idiots and trolls outnumber the genuine guys |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I appreciate some get loads so I don't expect a reply and it definitely doesn't worry me but always nice to get a reply even a not for us good luck message but how hard to delete the message then we can block and move on. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't "
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline "
Hate when that happens.
I have to just bulk delete them.
I feel bad for all those poor gals that have put so much effort into sending me mail. |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"We reply to people who have read our profile but not to people who very clearly haven't or who have chosen to ignore it.
Who are the nice people in those circumstances?"
I'd say you two are a very nice couple. 
E |
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"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Hate when that happens.
I have to just bulk delete them.
I feel bad for all those poor gals that have put so much effort into sending me mail."
I'm the same with the rejections, 600 a day just seems like an unreasonable amount of mail for me to read so I just delete them all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Hate when that happens.
I have to just bulk delete them.
I feel bad for all those poor gals that have put so much effort into sending me mail.
I'm the same with the rejections, 600 a day just seems like an unreasonable amount of mail for me to read so I just delete them all "
Impressive.
Who’s the impolite one in that circumstance?
If I’ve sent another girl a polite rejection message and she’s just deleted it unread I might feel a bit dejected and used. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Even though it’s a decline, I find a polite decline to a sent message still such a little heart warmer.
I take it as a small compliment that
A: the person/people I messaged & hoped would be nice people - were nice as a polite decline proves
and
B: they thought I was deserving of a polite decline rather than a delete or just ignore
PS this is just a post applauding this part of Fab and NOT to encourage an avalanche of reasons why people DONT
"
It is disheartening when you put a message together and dont get a response. I don't let it bother me though. Having been on here as a couple I understand the volume of messages and the potential lash back from a polite "thanks but no thanks" makes it easier to not reply.
It does annoy me when your message is read but then marked as not read. Just leave it as read and I'll take it you aren't interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I reply to the majority even if simply and thank you or not for me, though sometimes takes a while. The extent of the reply will very much depend upon the tone of the message received....of recent thats been interesting! However on the flip side often when sending a courteous reply, the recipient decides that actually a few more messages you may change your mind...at which point it’s simply a delete!
There are also those that see you have read or not responded and feel that a self derogatory or sarcastic message is the way to go.
Being nice and polite is the way forwards. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I always try to reply to all messages I receive.. politeness and kindness cost nothing "
I think it depends on the profile ... I get inundated with messages and if I replied to every single male who just sent a dick pic and no words I'd have sore hands and not for good reason! |
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"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Hate when that happens.
I have to just bulk delete them.
I feel bad for all those poor gals that have put so much effort into sending me mail.
I'm the same with the rejections, 600 a day just seems like an unreasonable amount of mail for me to read so I just delete them all
Impressive.
Who’s the impolite one in that circumstance?
If I’ve sent another girl a polite rejection message and she’s just deleted it unread I might feel a bit dejected and used."
...I hadn't thought of that, maybe I should reassess my position on rejections.
I am hestiant to do that though, the last time I politely accepted a polite rejection, she politely replied, I politely replied to the reply... two weeks passed with the same routine, we started having polite sex and it's all gone disasterously wrong  |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline "
Which in turn will lead to me missing messages from those I may well be wanting to reply to, it's a no win situation  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline "
Genuine question- how do you filter out the messages you might want to read, or do you just have to bulk delete ? A female friend is on here with a similar experience but she said it’s obvious from the first line or title in the inbox which ones are rubbish/trolls so she deletes these unread which is at least 90% |
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"We reply to people who have read our profile but not to people who very clearly haven't or who have chosen to ignore it.
Who are the nice people in those circumstances?
I'd say you two are a very nice couple.
E"
Our name is designed to lull people into a false sense of security  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I reply if the message is well written.
some times its annoying because the person has deliberately message knowing they don't meet things you've asked for on your profile, and then you reply ‘no thanks’ then they ask ‘why’ and it goes on from there.
Its not just guys who get declined. Ive had polite decline messages off guys and couples. Ive also been ignored by couples and guys. Those i block so i dont message again.
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Genuine question- how do you filter out the messages you might want to read, or do you just have to bulk delete ? A female friend is on here with a similar experience but she said it’s obvious from the first line or title in the inbox which ones are rubbish/trolls so she deletes these unread which is at least 90%"
Normally the opening line, I don't respond well to things like 'ill ruin you' 'ill make you beg me to...' straight in the bin. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Which in turn will lead to me missing messages from those I may well be wanting to reply to, it's a no win situation "
That's why a number of women will take the active approach and contact the ones they fancy instead of passively filtering the incoming stream of constant messages. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I always reply to a well written message, where I can see they've read my profile, as they are so rare!.
If its obvious they haven't taken 2 mins to read what I look for, then I have no guilt about deleting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I might feel a bit dejected and used.
Dejected I get but used?....
You didnt get passed the messaging stage so how were you used??  "
She didn’t get past the messaging stage but I replied to reject her and then she deleted my rejection.
I was left feeling used because she rejected my rejection.... hypothetically. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I reply if the message is well written.
some times its annoying because the person has deliberately message knowing they don't meet things you've asked for on your profile, and then you reply ‘no thanks’ then they ask ‘why’ and it goes on from there.
Its not just guys who get declined. Ive had polite decline messages off guys and couples. Ive also been ignored by couples and guys. Those i block so i dont message again.
"
It sounds like the message system needs better filters, something like the search facility has. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"Whilst it is of course nice to get a reply - I can also totally understand why many don't
I was offline for a few days and forgot to hide my profile, I came back to over 800 messages, it would take me hours to go through every one of them and reply/decline
Which in turn will lead to me missing messages from those I may well be wanting to reply to, it's a no win situation
That's why a number of women will take the active approach and contact the ones they fancy instead of passively filtering the incoming stream of constant messages."
Which I do, a vast majority get deleted and not read, I just brush it off and move on, it's not just the guys who's messages get ignored  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I reply if the message is well written.
some times its annoying because the person has deliberately message knowing they don't meet things you've asked for on your profile, and then you reply ‘no thanks’ then they ask ‘why’ and it goes on from there.
Its not just guys who get declined. Ive had polite decline messages off guys and couples. Ive also been ignored by couples and guys. Those i block so i dont message again.
It sounds like the message system needs better filters, something like the search facility has."
Very very true. It’d save many issues for all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Cpls get the same. We have safe sex on ourprofile, But we get messages from cpls who are looking for a cpl for longterm meets. After messages progress they drop the clanger that they would want to progress tp bb fucking after meeting for a while, They are also bb fucking with a few other cpls they are meeting so nobody can guarantee safety in them circumstances as i bet the regular cpls they meet are also bb fucking with other cpls they are also meeting themselves. So we just delete and block now if we see bb on their profile or after a few messages bb fucking is brought up. People still clearly do not read all the profiles or understand peoples choices on their profile. Deleting messages is nothing personal or being nasty and people need to understand that. We do not take it personal if people block us or delete messages. If we are not for them we just keep looking for others who we are suited to. John |
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By * Plus ECouple
over a year ago
The South |
"We reply to people who have read our profile but not to people who very clearly haven't or who have chosen to ignore it.
Who are the nice people in those circumstances?
I'd say you two are a very nice couple.
E
Our name is designed to lull people into a false sense of security "
Duly noted, I'll not fall for it. 
E |
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By *ndrew CareyMan
over a year ago
Peterborough, Cambridgeshire & Lincolnshire |
"Even though it’s a decline, I find a polite decline to a sent message still such a little heart warmer.
I take it as a small compliment that
A: the person/people I messaged & hoped would be nice people - were nice as a polite decline proves
and
B: they thought I was deserving of a polite decline rather than a delete or just ignore
PS this is just a post applauding this part of Fab and NOT to encourage an avalanche of reasons why people DONT
"
I'm very appreciative of them. Always reply to messages as well.
Appreciate not everyone can but I try to |
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By *_DirectorMan
over a year ago
Middle of somewhere |
It's a strange one , getting a response is nice but some of the texts I wish I didn't even bother .. clearly some feel they are gods gift and fab has made them this way . ... I'll stick to the non response is best . |
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