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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I recently started online dating (virtual only for covid reasons) I used some vanilla dating sites and initially mentioned what I was into (ie here) but I had to remove it as I found no one wanted to talk to me about normal stuff. So it’s removed and I’ve met some really nice blokes - no big feels yet but early days, I’m still mending. My question to you guys is - at what point do you casually drop on what you’re into - for me it’s swinging, lifestyle and taking kinky pics. What experience have you had (men and woman) in dropping this in and when is the right time???? |
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There is probably no one size fits all as most guys will take it differently with some thinking they've struck gold and others not wanting to know.
Maybe you could use the fact that you can't actually meet to gently probe into their likes and dislikes which should give you some idea of whether they'll be up for it.
Or maybe look for a partner on here so you already know they're into it ?
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I recently started online dating (virtual only for covid reasons) I used some vanilla dating sites and initially mentioned what I was into (ie here) but I had to remove it as I found no one wanted to talk to me about normal stuff. So it’s removed and I’ve met some really nice blokes - no big feels yet but early days, I’m still mending. My question to you guys is - at what point do you casually drop on what you’re into - for me it’s swinging, lifestyle and taking kinky pics. What experience have you had (men and woman) in dropping this in and when is the right time????"
I met jenny off tinder. We clicked instantly. After a few meets we talked about sex and kinks ect. I told her i had done swinging and she just replied so had she. We infact were on here the same time on both times we had joined/rejoined on here. The reason i had not seen her on here was she did not have a profile pic on here and in so id not have bothered looking at profiles without a profile pic at least to see. We both have the same kinks/fetishes and we are both bi. So in answer to your question, You need to after a few dates but before you have sex find out by asking his fetishes or kinks sexwise ect. No harm in asking as you will not find out if you are matched otherwise. John |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is probably no one size fits all as most guys will take it differently with some thinking they've struck gold and others not wanting to know.
Maybe you could use the fact that you can't actually meet to gently probe into their likes and dislikes which should give you some idea of whether they'll be up for it.
Or maybe look for a partner on here so you already know they're into it ?
Good luck"
This is good advice. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I recently started online dating (virtual only for covid reasons) I used some vanilla dating sites and initially mentioned what I was into (ie here) but I had to remove it as I found no one wanted to talk to me about normal stuff. So it’s removed and I’ve met some really nice blokes - no big feels yet but early days, I’m still mending. My question to you guys is - at what point do you casually drop on what you’re into - for me it’s swinging, lifestyle and taking kinky pics. What experience have you had (men and woman) in dropping this in and when is the right time????
I met jenny off tinder. We clicked instantly. After a few meets we talked about sex and kinks ect. I told her i had done swinging and she just replied so had she. We infact were on here the same time on both times we had joined/rejoined on here. The reason i had not seen her on here was she did not have a profile pic on here and in so id not have bothered looking at profiles without a profile pic at least to see. We both have the same kinks/fetishes and we are both bi. So in answer to your question, You need to after a few dates but before you have sex find out by asking his fetishes or kinks sexwise ect. No harm in asking as you will not find out if you are matched otherwise. John"
That’s great that worked out for you guys.
I think for me, I’ve been stung a bit recently - I’d genuinely like to meet someone click with them and just work on the two of us to begin with then incorporate the additional fun stuff! (or not - maybe we decide not to!) but I need to feel that security too and from what I’ve experienced I haven’t felt that the minute I’ve admitted what I’m into - it seems to give off that im really thick skinned and totally cool with playing away/solo play Which I personally feel will just take me a little more time to feel comfy with. Can’t seem to get the balance right! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There is probably no one size fits all as most guys will take it differently with some thinking they've struck gold and others not wanting to know.
Maybe you could use the fact that you can't actually meet to gently probe into their likes and dislikes which should give you some idea of whether they'll be up for it.
Or maybe look for a partner on here so you already know they're into it ?
Good luck
This is good advice. "
It is - I could try that. I think because it’s dating and I’m still unsure - i either immediately know with a person or it takes me a very long time to get any feelings and right now - I worry that some guys might stick around simply because they know there is quite the reward at the end ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes, I've come across 2 people that chatted to me on Tinder and don't realise/admit that they did. Funny isn't it! "
Haha really? That’s not happened to me yet ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking as a guy on vanilla dating sites I find that if I actually answer the, “what are you into question” honestly it’s normally a straight to block button from the female or a, “your a perv” response.
Also many females on there state they are not into fun!! Always wondered what that actually means!!!
Although......in saying that 2 of my last 3 meets have come directly from the plenty of under water creatures site! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not something I would bring up because for me it wouldn't be a necessary part of dating and/or a relationship. There are so many other more important things for me personally if I was going to actually date someone |
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"Yes, I've come across 2 people that chatted to me on Tinder and don't realise/admit that they did. Funny isn't it!
Haha really? That’s not happened to me yet !"
Oh one of them posts on here regularly  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not something I would bring up because for me it wouldn't be a necessary part of dating and/or a relationship. There are so many other more important things for me personally if I was going to actually date someone "
Also if the other person brought it up straight away I would just feel that that is all they were looking for or too much importance was on actually swinging instead of an actual relationship |
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Thing is... Tinder is pretty much a sex website anyway, similar to here but more 'wholesome' so most on tinder appear to be there for sex as opposed to a match.com where it's more a dating website.
Guess the quandary is telling someone you want to click with that your also on a website where casual sex is the norm it sends out mixed messages. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Difficult one this, it would have to be something I would discuss early on. Then it's out of the way and if they like it great.. Both live happily ever after.
If not you have less attachment and it wouldn't have worked anyway. Being liberated is nothing to hide, of course trust in who you tell is needed.
I am avoiding the vanilla sites for that very reason, ideal would be to find someone I really connected with on here.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm on several dating sites I'm listed as looking for casual relationships I date a lot as casual suits my lifestyle, I never ever mention any thing to do with sex never send explicit pictures and my success rate is quite high most women that I meet say it's so refreshing to get a message not about sex. Some of these have become part of my swinging life and any discussions I have had about swinging amd fab have been pillow talk. |
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"I recently started online dating (virtual only for covid reasons) I used some vanilla dating sites and initially mentioned what I was into (ie here) but I had to remove it as I found no one wanted to talk to me about normal stuff. So it’s removed and I’ve met some really nice blokes - no big feels yet but early days, I’m still mending. My question to you guys is - at what point do you casually drop on what you’re into - for me it’s swinging, lifestyle and taking kinky pics. What experience have you had (men and woman) in dropping this in and when is the right time????"
I joined a vanilla dating site this time last year. Got chatting to a guy who had very old fashioned ideas about women and when I challenged him I was told not to contact him again but I had already decided on the big red buzzer for him. Dating is a nightmare! |
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This is always an interesting topic when I’m on the vanilla sites.
I’ve had it range from being called ‘creepy’ to someone wanting to join and join in the fun.
I often go with the cautious option now though and don’t really mention this until it’s gets a little more serious. It seems there’s a lot of people out there who despite being happy to go out, get blind d*unk and have one-night stands struggle with the idea of talking to someone and having casual fun with them or in groups.
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Ty op for this topic, I too have the same problem, there’s no point finding a boyfriend if they’re not into the swing lifestyle because it’s part of who I am. But swinging isn't always enough, I don’t want the whole 24/7 thing but it would be great to share some vanilla moments with |
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It seems to me you are doing the right thing by filtering out the guys who are speaking to you because of your interest in this scene. Let guys show they like you for you first.
My guess is as you chat (which is all you are limited to right now) there will come a point when it's appropriate to start talking about sexual history and interests. It would probably be after you have decided you click.
Just relax and take it on a case by case basis and you'll be fine. There is is no set answer to your question. It's just when the time is right. |
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You might have more luck with OKCupid rather than some of the others, such as Tinder. You can select non monogamy only, if that suits you. It tends to attract a lot more liberal people. There’s less sifting involved and it’s easier to find likeminded people
My profiles tend to mention non monogamy, but not swinging specifically. I could see that sending out mixed messages |
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From a male perspective, i found sleeping around too much with too many different people made me feel like a male prostitute - not that i'm knocking it, i had some great experiences at the time. But after a while i was yearning for something more.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m curious about this too. I’m on many vanilla dating sites and on most I don’t mention it but on one I’ve said that I’m looking for a LTR with the possibility of opening it up later on to swinging with other men. So far I’ve had a couple of guys bring it up, and not negatively, but I imagine it’s putting a lot of men off. |
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"I’m curious about this too. I’m on many vanilla dating sites and on most I don’t mention it but on one I’ve said that I’m looking for a LTR with the possibility of opening it up later on to swinging with other men. So far I’ve had a couple of guys bring it up, and not negatively, but I imagine it’s putting a lot of men off. "
That’s the problem I had when saying women are allowed fun, the vanilla guy couldn’t handle it. Big red buzzer for him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not something I would bring up because for me it wouldn't be a necessary part of dating and/or a relationship. There are so many other more important things for me personally if I was going to actually date someone "
Same. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not something I would bring up because for me it wouldn't be a necessary part of dating and/or a relationship. There are so many other more important things for me personally if I was going to actually date someone
Also if the other person brought it up straight away I would just feel that that is all they were looking for or too much importance was on actually swinging instead of an actual relationship "
This too!
Hence why I won't date anyone off here. |
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By *ornado69Man
over a year ago
Princess Risborough |
Personally i would love to find a lady that enjoys "vanilla" chats and activities, good conversation and travel. But who also like this lifestyle, but isnt governed by it. I still believe in opemimg a door for a lady, manners and making her the most important person in the world. But alas my heart is yet to be willingly given.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In dating, My personal experience is the third date. Certainly before sex happens
If we get to the third date, I let my freak flags fly.
"
Is there ever a 4th date?  |
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"I recently started online dating (virtual only for covid reasons) I used some vanilla dating sites and initially mentioned what I was into (ie here) but I had to remove it as I found no one wanted to talk to me about normal stuff. So it’s removed and I’ve met some really nice blokes - no big feels yet but early days, I’m still mending. My question to you guys is - at what point do you casually drop on what you’re into - for me it’s swinging, lifestyle and taking kinky pics. What experience have you had (men and woman) in dropping this in and when is the right time????"
It's a difficult one..you normally get a feel for someone as you get to know them a bit.
When someone says 'I dont like any weird stuff 'that normally sets alarm bells ringing.
I think as you build up a level of trust with someone, you would get a sense of if they are in your wavelength or not? |
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By *8v3nCouple
over a year ago
Coventry |
Well.. Vixen did go on tinder and likes . There was also tinder type app for threesomes. With tinder mostly it's fine, but there were a couple of individuals who were desperate for her, but couldn't accept that she can't be fully theirs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most men in dating sites look for similar things to you may vary slightly.
But any men would express his intention if he finds that the women is letting him as a part of life like telling him what you do doing and would do.
I would never express my intention until I make sure that she is also looking for same. Coz I’m good at being just friends  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met jen on tinder. At around the 4th date and before we had got to sex we discussed our past sexual history some what and kinks fetishes. Jen told me she had a few fuckbuds on here. She was very nervous about my reaction as she had got to really like me by that point and me her. When i replied i had done the same there was a sigh of relief from her. The sex that followed on a later date was mind blowing and still is for us. We then one night talked about swinging as a cpl as on here. Hence we joined but during the worst time we could have. So i suggest if you meet up and like the guy to discuss things like kinks and fetishes before you get to the fucking stage. That way you will sound out if the fit the bill for your kinkyness and possible swinging life. Me amd jen were lucky to find each other and click on the kinky level  |
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"In dating, My personal experience is the third date. Certainly before sex happens
If we get to the third date, I let my freak flags fly.
Is there ever a 4th date? "
In one case, she started telling me her history, and it was far more exotic than mine. We were together for a fair while. In the end I was too vanilla for her |
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Normally from the beginning. Most dating sites I use are kink ones anyway though. The only vanilla one is ok cupid and that has lots of kink questions as well as profile settings about monogamy so I can usually find my kind of people through matching those things. |
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"Ty op for this topic, I too have the same problem, there’s no point finding a boyfriend if they’re not into the swing lifestyle because it’s part of who I am. But swinging isn't always enough, I don’t want the whole 24/7 thing but it would be great to share some vanilla moments with"
This is exactly the same for me trying to find a girl i like. |
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