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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of one fruit."
The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you."
He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot.
The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same.
He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot.
He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies,
"Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of one fruit."
The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you."
He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot.
The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same.
He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot.
He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies,
"Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!""
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"3 men get stranded on a desert island. After wandering around a while, they are found by some tribesmen. The natives take them back to their hut. The chief tells them, "Go out into the jungle and collect 10 pieces of one fruit."
The first guy returns with 10 apples, and the chief says "Now shove them all up your ass without showing any emotion, or we'll kill you."
He shoves the the first up, and is in terrible pain, but shows no emotion, but during the process of pushing up the second, he flinches, and therefore gets shot.
The second guy comes back with 10 cherries, and gets told to do the same.
He's finding it relatively easy, but when he gets to the eighth, starts laughing hysterically, and gets shot.
He meets up with the first guy in heaven, and the first guy asks, "Why did you do that, why did you laugh?" and the second guy replies,
"Well I nearly finished when I saw the next guy walking up with pineapples!""
ROFMPSL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 and  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts off the mans balls. He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man goes back for a check up. 'any problems?' said the surgeon. 'A few' said the man 'I cry when I piss. My wife gets heartburn after a blow job and I get a fucking hard on when I see a cheese sandwich'.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An old one but my favourite...
Mickey Mouse is in court applying for a divorce. The judge has read his application but is confused.
"Mr Mouse, you can't divorce your wife just because she has crooked teeth."
"I never said that", replied Mickey. "I said she was fucking Goofy." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A woman walks into a sex shop and asks for a vibrator.
The assistant gestures with his finger and says, "Come this way."
The woman replies, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A surgeon was operating on a man when he slips and accidentally cuts off the mans balls. He quickly inserts 2 onions and sews his scrotum back up. One month later the man goes back for a check up. 'any problems?' said the surgeon. 'A few' said the man 'I cry when I piss. My wife gets heartburn after a blow job and I get a fucking hard on when I see a cheese sandwich'..... :-
D "
Very good  |
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A guy goes to the Doctor, who after a few minutes tells him that he is very sorry but he has Yellow 24 disease. The guy asks what that is and the Doctor says that basically his blood will go yellow and he'll die in 24 hours.
The guy goes home to tell his wife who says that they'll have to do things together that they've never done before, so they'll start off by going to the bingo.
The first game starts and after a few minutes the guy has 4 corners covered and wins a £10 prize.
A little later he plays another game and covers a whole line winning again this time a prize of £50.
In the third game he has to cover all the numbers, which he does and wins the house prize of £100, before finally playing the National Jackpot game, which he wins again, this time winning £1000.
The bingo caller is amazed and calls him to the stage, saying he's the luckiest man alive to win all 4 games with this being his first visit to a bingo hall. The man then whispers to the bingo caller that he's not lucky, he's got Yellow 24.
Fucking Hell, crys the bingo caller, you've won the raffle too!! |
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