FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Where has the swingers etiquette gone?
Where has the swingers etiquette gone?
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By *ay3 OP Man
over a year ago
near sandy |
It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. |
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Personally I find couples the worst they just treat single women as though they are there for personal play things for their pleasure. Not all do this but a lot of them seem to be elitist and think its all about them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think if you look at any past time/hobby etc that you have been doing for over 25 years, you will see people saying it's not what it used to be... It's just a fact of life when something stops being super niche |
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
Hi Jay, I do always reply to respectful guys and have had many a kind response back, thanking me for my time. It's common politeness, whether on a swinging site or not.
But it can get a bit much when those guys become less respectful & a) accuse me of being god's gift
b) resort to abusive or body shaming language
c) repeatedly message me to try & change my mind.
To sum up, not just women are unpleasant. |
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"I think if you look at any past time/hobby etc that you have been doing for over 25 years, you will see people saying it's not what it used to be... It's just a fact of life when something stops being super niche"
True 25yrs ago misogyny was rife men assumed they had a right to make more demands woman had less of a voice and less likley to speak their mind I guess some just want the old days when women didn't feel they could have a voice or a real choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
Excuse me for interrupting but I doubt your comment will go down well. I think the most annoying thing is actually posts like this where the author is attempting to disaccociate from all the 'rude people' when in fact, this post is pretty rude in itself.
Why do you feel its okay to group everyone under the umbrella of your experiences? Can I be perfectly Frank and point out that in my experience it is actually couples I've found to be the most troublesome on here but I don't see any value in posting on it because, its my experience and I wouldn't be so rude as to imply that 'couples are the worst'.
Apologies for going on but it grinds my gears. If you've been around 26yrs then I'd assume that swinging, just like everything else has moved on and evolved from the wifeswapping days. Also, 'think yourself honoured'... Seriously? |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I'm always dubious about comments harking back to how things aren't what they where. It makes me wonder just how golden this golden age was. I'm sure there was plenty that people found objectionable then, too  |
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"Personally I find couples the worst they just treat single women as though they are there for personal play things for their pleasure. Not all do this but a lot of them seem to be elitist and think its all about them. "
Is true not all do that , i have the lucky to met couples who really care about me same i care about them they are not only the couple i met but more than that they are very intim friends, real friends
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why is ‘reply even if its a ‘no thanks’ a thing on here? Ive been on various other dating/meeting sites and have had my messages ignored as i have also ignored messages. On those other sites expectation of a reply has never been a thing ppl just accept youre not interested and move on or be blocked. So what different on here? |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
To reply saying no thanks usually comes with a fair chance of a receipt coming back telling you that you're ugly, resemble something from Mars or them trying to change your mind. No reply is a polite no thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I find couples the worst they just treat single women as though they are there for personal play things for their pleasure. Not all do this but a lot of them seem to be elitist and think its all about them. "
I find the single/married playing away guys the worst. They think as they are on. Swinging site that we girls should just drop our knickers for them everytime they message you. 99% of the cpls we chatted to so far have been courteous and very friendly. We are still chatting to quite a few and plan to meet up when we are ok to. Some single guys have been great but 99% have been rude when we turned down sending pics or meeting them. They spoil it for the rest unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know that. I'm not pointing fingers, there's the good and bad in all.. I agree some guys are relentless. "
You absolutely are pointing fingers though. |
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"Why is ‘reply even if its a ‘no thanks’ a thing on here? Ive been on various other dating/meeting sites and have had my messages ignored as i have also ignored messages. On those other sites expectation of a reply has never been a thing ppl just accept youre not interested and move on or be blocked. So what different on here? "
It's not. It's in the rules - no reply, no interest. Me, you and most other people accept this.
I don't get inundated with messages, so I'm happy to reply to polite ones. I've even made a friend out of one or two of them.
Equally, if people choose not to reply, that's perfectly fine. I don't assume they're rude or entitled x
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
As it says in the frequently asked questions, on Fab no reply should be taken as not interested & that it should not be perceived as being rude. I generally try to give a polite response if a message is polite & respectful, if it's a one liner or copy & paste or inappropriate then it is not deserving of a reply. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is ‘reply even if its a ‘no thanks’ a thing on here? Ive been on various other dating/meeting sites and have had my messages ignored as i have also ignored messages. On those other sites expectation of a reply has never been a thing ppl just accept youre not interested and move on or be blocked. So what different on here? "
This site seems to attract very delicate entitled souls who can't take any form of rejection |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I find couples the worst they just treat single women as though they are there for personal play things for their pleasure. Not all do this but a lot of them seem to be elitist and think its all about them. "
Interesting perspective
Thank you |
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"As it says in the frequently asked questions, on Fab no reply should be taken as not interested & that it should not be perceived as being rude. I generally try to give a polite response if a message is polite & respectful, if it's a one liner or copy & paste or inappropriate then it is not deserving of a reply. "
I agree. I can’t hear those who have a sense of entitlement. If I get messages, I’ll make the decision on whether or not to reply. |
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And nobody is entitled to a reply. A reply, even if a polite no thanks, quite often results in "why?", "but we can be friends", "I think we should meet anyway", "actually I didn't fancy you", "you're a stupid cow", "thought you were ugly anyway", "stuck up bitch", can give you more if you want, but I'm hoping you get the general idea x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
I don't often reply if I'm not interested, mainly because i din't have enough time but also it seems to make them think it's ok to be abusive to me or demand the reason why or start a long winded conversation about a variety of things. I just don't have the time for that and i don't want the abuse !!
Plus according to Fabs FAQ no reply means no thanks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Males, females and couples alike can be pretty horrible, especially when they're hiding behind their keyboards. For me the decent people still make up for the arseholes though x"
Agree totally. There are loads of nice people on here if you are respectful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
Single women are the worst,
Single guys have ruined the scene
You are single so area also in this generalisation no?
Wait you a different, you are not one of those surely!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As per our profile op we reply to each and every message but believe me at times it’s difficult because the message received just doesn’t warrant a reply.
It’s not about them good ole days in my opinion it’s about how people approach swinging or fab.
Best of luck op.
T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why is ‘reply even if its a ‘no thanks’ a thing on here? Ive been on various other dating/meeting sites and have had my messages ignored as i have also ignored messages. On those other sites expectation of a reply has never been a thing ppl just accept youre not interested and move on or be blocked. So what different on here?
This site seems to attract very delicate entitled souls who can't take any form of rejection"
Very true  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am fairly new to this site but it seems every day there are negative comments on the forums about peoples perceived behaviour - whether singles or couples or both! I don't have the answer to this other than block anyone who is being a dick.
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We’ve been lucky and are yet to come across any of these rude people we hear so much about .Every female/male and couple we have ever chatted to have been polite and friendly.Agree with what others have said tho there’s rude singles and couples. |
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"We’ve been lucky and are yet to come across any of these rude people we hear so much about .Every female/male and couple we have ever chatted to have been polite and friendly.Agree with what others have said tho there’s rude singles and couples."
That's because it's a very small minority. Most are lovely.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
""The person who messaged you obviously finds appeal in you"
Yeah, a vagina they wanna ruin.
That's about the long n short of it for plenty.
*shrugs*"
I was really tempted to say this is a cynical view but sadly, it's probably not. I don't want a marriage proposal but I do like thinking I'm being messaged because of something about me other than my ability to be a penis receptacle. Why would I thank someone for talking to me/reducing me down to that? |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
The crux of the OP’s argument is that it is rude to not reply. Harping on about the good old days is kinda irrelevant. Fab tells me otherwise and does not force anyone to reply if they don’t want to.
So I don’t.
And what anyone thinks of me because of it..... well, It’s none of my business.
V x |
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
Having a winge, not so good now ya not as a couple now more like...
26 years....we’ll thought you would of seen things changing if they have, experienced swinger like your self sure knows to take no notice of what seams to now piss you off...
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"It's now my 26th year in the swinging scene and although swinging as a solo male for now I spent most of those 26 years as a swinging couple. Before the days of FAB we used sites like Dirty David's and Local Swingers. Anybody remember those?. Back to my point about etiquette. It's gone and been replaced with rudeness. Single females are the worse. Always complaining that guys are rude etc. Have a look at how you treat them!. Couples in general still adopt the basic etiquette are remain polite.. 90% of Single guys (mostly married I'm guessing) have ruined the scene. For us genuine, respectful guys.. please everyone. Just be polite and respectful. Reply to messages even if it's just to say thanks but no thanks. The person who messaged you obviously finds an appeal in you. Think yourself honoured. Bring the scene back to how it was. "
Lost here... been swinging 26 years ? Mostly as a couple ? Single man now don’t doubt it, talk about etiquette... I think you profile lowers the tone a bit, inner chid !
Whf |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I am respectful to those who treat me with respect, it works both ways.
So, if someone writes a well thought out message I always reply, even with a no thanks.
For those who don't read my profile or send really graphic messages/or meet now etc, then I delete, it's in my profile that I do.
I don't think it's so much about etiquette, but just speak to others as human beings, rather than as if they are there just for your pleasure. |
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I try to reply to polite and thoughtful messages. I have learnt from previous experience that replying with polite "thanks, but no thanks" type messages to brief or generic messages often results in rude replies or a failure to take the hint.
The majority of people I speak with in chat or through messages are polite though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Problem is like all sites, sitting behind a screen builds dumb confidence.
People throw Chivalry out the window.
I find negatives on all sides. Just have to find a Diamond in the rough
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So tell me OP, what was so wonderful about swinging in 1994? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m asking as someone who was far too young to know anything about it (though even living the sheltered life I led at the time, I’d still heard about keys in a bowl). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So tell me OP, what was so wonderful about swinging in 1994? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m asking as someone who was far too young to know anything about it (though even living the sheltered life I led at the time, I’d still heard about keys in a bowl)."
Pre spice girls so no girl power |
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"So tell me OP, what was so wonderful about swinging in 1994? I’m not being sarcastic, I’m asking as someone who was far too young to know anything about it (though even living the sheltered life I led at the time, I’d still heard about keys in a bowl).
Pre spice girls so no girl power"
Hah, true! And actually, I have no idea if the keys in a bowl thing was actually true, but I’ve always thought it sounded like the women didn’t get much say in the matter, so definitely a lack of girl power. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Single women are the worse" is that comment from your own personal experience ? If it is that's such a shame because we aren't all like that.
I will reply to polite messages and in the main I have met very polite people. I have on the rare occasions had a negative/impolite message.
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no I don’t feel honoured. That’s quite a strong statement to make 
